Not For All the World
by CrysStar
Summary: Yaoi AU Jakotsu returned to America to visit an old friend, & stumbled right into a warzone! Passions will flare, blood'll be shed and tears will fall. When love is just not enough can anyone even win?Chars: Bankotsu Inuyasha Naraku Suzaku COMPLETE
1. Reminiscence

disclaimer

I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.  
I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.  
I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.  
- sincerely,  
Kagura Fuujinnomai

(AN. This is my newest work, and it is set in the same AU world as Never Again. However, it is not necessary to first read Never Again to read this. I would recommend "Aisuru", which serves as a fan service appetizer, but that's just me.

This first chapter is in full flashback mode. It tells the story of Bankotsu's final day of highschool and just as requested, answers some nagging questions.

As always, please Read, Review, and most importantly, Enjoy. )  
**Not For All The World**

**Chapter One: Reminiscence; The Reason You Lie**

Bankotsu dug slowly through his locker, wondering where in the world he'd put his history textbook. Before long, he gave up his seemingly futile search, closing his locker with a frustrated sigh. He stared vacantly at his locker number for a moment, pondering.

"Number Four twenty-two…"

For some reason, which he couldn't place, he felt as though this locker was not his, though he knew the combination by heart.

"Fifteen, eighteen, three…"

He toyed with the lock for a moment, but stopped when he realized that someone was standing right behind himself. He turned around quickly to face one of his best friends, Hiten Raiyuki; the star quarterback.

"Hey man!" Hiten greeted him, holding out his hand in preparation for their favorite friendly handshake. Bankotsu stood there, awkwardly explaining that he was unable to recall how such a handshake was performed. But Hiten seemed unsurprised by this and merely laughed.

"It's all right man. I know you're still a little shook up, after what happened."

Bankotsu nodded meekly, not having a clue what he was talking about.  
His friend took a step closer to him and he got the sudden, inexplicable urge to back away.

"After school today," Hiten began, a malicious grin forming on his face. "Go to the girl's bathroom on two hundred hall. Me and a few buddies are gonna leave you a little… gift in there." With a glowing smile and a wink to his best friend, Hiten turned and began to walk off.

"It'll be so great you'll forget all about the stupid prom!" He called over his shoulder, though Bankotsu hadn't heard him over the loud bell which alerted him to the fact that he was officially tardy for his first class. He watched confusedly as Hiten hurried off to his class, wondering if his friend might be tripping on something… 'What was that all about?'  
Shrugging this thought off, Bankotsu followed his example, running off, already tardy, to his own class. When he entered the room, a full five minutes after the tardy bell, the entire class fell silent. And once he'd taken his seat, his least favorite, strictest bitch-of-a-teacher walked right up to his desk.

Bankotsu winced, prepared to receive a loud, long lecture about punctuality, but it never came. When he opened his eyes his teacher was leaned in close to him, a very uncharacteristically worried frown on her face.

She spoke quietly and kindly to him, something that had never happened before.  
"Are you all right?" she asked, trying to get a better look at his eyes. "Do you need to go… to a counselor, perhaps?"

Bankotsu sat in silence and without even acknowledging what he was doing, nodded mechanically. His foul teacher left his side immediately, to his relief, and returned mere seconds later, leaving a slip of paper on his desk before going back to lecture the class.

"During the war of 1812..." She began, but Bankotsu wasn't listening.  
He gazed curiously at the slip of paper, reading what she'd written on it.

"Pass to the counselors.  
Time: as long as needed  
Date: April 29th  
Student: ________________"

Bankotsu's eyes scanned over her official signature before he signed his own name on the little slip. He then stood, gathering his school supplies, and promptly left the room. He wandered aimlessly around the halls for a while, thinking over the strange behavior of all of his classmates, and apparently, his teachers as well.  
Some of them had carefully avoided him, as if he were diseased, and others had shamelessly stared at him or turned quickly to gossip to their friends about him…

'What are they saying about me?'

Bankotsu had always been an average high school student.  
Besides his tendency to hang out with the Star quarterback and school queer at the same time, there wasn't anything that any of his peers had to say about his… uniqueness…

He paused as a sudden thought occurred to him.  
As for the high school queer; Bankotsu was quite certain that his secret boyfriend, Jakotsu, had recently borrowed his missing history book.

Perhaps he still had it…

He swiftly changed direction, flashing his hall pass at yet another of the bored assistant principles patrolling the deserted hallways. He headed straight for the girl's bathroom on the two-hundred hall, as that was where Jakotsu was most often found.

To Bankotsu, it didn't matter if Jakotsu was there or not, because he had plenty of time to just sit and wait for him.

It was inevitable; the lovely cross dresser would show up here, in his favorite, the last stall. And he'd sit there for at least an hour, writing one of his diary entries, reapplying makeup or listening to music on his portable CD player.

When he entered the light pink room, Bankotsu was pleased to see that his boyfriend was sitting on the sinks, applying his usual purple eyeliner.

"Hey there pretty lady." Bankotsu greeted, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend from behind. To his disappointment, Jakotsu didn't laugh as he usually did, but in fact flinched, almost as if the touch had burned him.

The cross dresser turned around immediately, dropping his hip pouch so that his makeup scattered across the floor and proceeded to try to jump from the sink, intending to get as far from his boyfriend as he could.

"Whoa!" Bankotsu gasped, grabbing hold of him before he got the chance to hop down.  
He held Jakotsu securely to himself, waiting for him to calm down. He did so after a few moments, but remained very tense, and had even begun to shiver slightly. "All right, what's the matter Aisuru?" Bankotsu questioned, holding him securely to the sinks.

Jakotsu first glanced nervously around the room, as if worried that someone had entered without his knowing. Then, satisfied that he and his lover were alone, wrapped his arms around Bankotsu, nuzzling his face into the soft fabric which covered his chest.

With the steady heartbeat of the love of his life so near, Jakotsu felt safe enough to confide in him, whispering an explanation "I was told to stay far away from you, Ban-chan…"

"By who?" His companion asked, thoroughly confused. "And why would anyone want you to do that, anyway?"

"I don't know…" Jakotsu shook his head gently. "It was one of those awful football players. He called me a pedophile too…"

"Well that's no big surprise." Bankotsu chuckled. "You know there're always rumors flying around. High school just sucks like that. I don't see why you'd let them bother you now…"

"Because they're true…" Jakotsu whimpered, "What if they've found out about us…"

"You worry to much…" Bankotsu assured his still slightly shivering companion.  
But his older companion said nothing in return, and allowed silence to fill the room. "What's gotten into you?" He whispered, pulling him closer. "Aren't you supposed to be the hyper, loud one? Isn't that what I loved so much about you to begin with?"

Jakotsu loosened his hold on the man before him, leaning back. "I'm sorry…" he mumbled, turning to make sure he wasn't getting wrinkles.

His boyfriend leaned over his shoulder, hands on his arms, and smiled at their reflection.  
"Picture perfect." Bankotsu stated, turning to plant a kiss on his love's cheek. "And why should we care who doesn't think we are?"

Jakotsu offered a slight, emotion-laden smile, and when his face fell again, Bankotsu took it into his hands, gently coaxing him into meeting his gaze. "Why you're so upset… we can talk about it tonight, right?"

He cast his eyes from Bankotsu's, nodding as his tired eyes slid shut. "Not at your house though…" Jakotsu added, causing his frustrated boyfriend to scoff.

"My parents do not hate you Aisuru! They just-"

"-Hate my fucking guts." Jakotsu finished for him. "They get sick at the mere sight of the fag that infected their precious son."

"That is not true," Bankotsu insisted. "Mother is just a bit… concerned."

"Prejudiced."

At this, Bankotsu groaned, wishing he only knew the true cause of his precious lover's depression. "Well Aisuru," he began, his arms around his neck.

"You are twenty-one now… It should be hard for any parent to just let their son leave home to go live with an older man. And besides, my mother hadn't even seen you for years before school started last fall."

"She's known me since I was born. And she was best friends with my parents…"

"Well yes, but she still doesn't know you as well as she'd like to…"

At this point, Jakotsu hopped down from the sink and began to gather his makeup.  
"She'd better get over herself before graduation." he stated, fixing his hip pouch back in its rightful spot, against his side. "Because I will take you away from that place. After graduation I won't have to put up with anyone's shit. You'll be eighteen, and I'm not going to have to listen to anyone."

He walked off, Bankotsu following closely after him, and pushed the door to his favorite stall open. This stall, at the teachers' dismay , had been 'mysteriously' repainted with bright purple glaze. Even the 'handicap accessible' sign had been pried off and replaced with a 'queers only' sign.

Bankotsu laughed as his boyfriend stepped forward, pulled the sash from his skirt and whisked it his way.

"You're just about the only one I ever listen to anyway…" Jakotsu confessed, letting his skirt slip right off of his hips. "I can already imagine how hopeless it'll be for anyone else to control me once we're out on our own."

"I can imagine too." Bankotsu chuckled, amused by his casual tone.  
As if by instinct, he turned around quickly to close and lock the door before speaking again. "You'll be ten times as indecent too, won't you?"

Jakotsu shrugged. "It's nothing the slutty pieces of filth in this school haven't already seen…" He squinted slightly, trying to form a heart with the bubbles that were forming in the water below.

"Don't shake it more than twice." His boyfriend warned, watching the heart spiral down into the porcelain base. "But I'm not playing." Jakotsu insisted. "I'm making art."

"Sure…"

"Alright, you caught me, love." He sighed, pulling his skirt back up. "Guys with boyfriends as gorgeous as mine should never have to play with themselves!"

Bankotsu ducked as his love suddenly launched himself at him, but only laughed when he caught him, arms wrapped securely around his waist. As he covered every inch of the younger man in kisses, Jakotsu questioned him, wondering why he'd come to see him in the first place.

"Well not for this, I promise." He assured, chuckling. "I just wanted my history book."

"Meanie Ban-Kot-Su…" his love pouted between kisses. "Not… wanting to make out with his poor, neglected lover…" He finally released him once he was satisfied that he had enough lipstick smudged on his face and neck, then stood back up to ponder over where he may have left the missing text book.

"I should have that book for you… by the end of the day; three pm" Jakotsu promised, pulling his hands back to himself.

"Thank you." Bankotsu bowed, handing his sash back to him. Jakotsu took it into his hands, running his fingers adoringly over the silky material. "I got this from America!" He bragged, wrapping it fondly around his waist and shaking his hips.

"It's lovely," Bankotsu commented, shaking his head at just how effeminate his boyfriend was now acting. He turned with a laugh and made to leave the stall. But he hadn't taken a single step before Jakotsu stopped him, intentionally pushing him up against the door. "Not yet…" he whined, hips pressed to his lover's from behind. "Give me a proper farewell, Aisuru."

* * *

"Wait a minute… Aren't we missing a queer?"

Naraku turned to glare at Hiten, who was staring confusedly at the empty seat at the back of the class. "The word 'queer' is an adjective meaning 'strange' or for slang purposes, 'gay', and is therefore not to be used as a noun, you stupid het-bitch."

"Smartass gay-fuck!" Hiten countered, as if he'd expected Naraku's little lecture.

"Snappy." The effeminate man commented, turning to gaze thoughtfully at the same empty seat. "You've been so touchy lately, Hiten. And here I thought you were the least prejudiced of the football players."

"I am." He insisted, "Why else would I talk to you losers?"

"Boredom." Naraku suggested. "But Suzaku, your usual queer that sits back there, has been gone for days. Hadn't you noticed?"

"Well not until now." He shrugged, turning back to look at him. "Gone to where?"

"Juvi, probably" Naraku mused, "I don't know what he did. Just heard he's locked up."

"Good" Hiten mumbled, turning away.

"Why?" Naraku wondered aloud. "Thought you liked Suzaku."

Hiten shook his head. "That queer just always reminded me of Bankotsu's fag-friend…"

Naraku laughed as he put the finishing touches on his essay entitled 'The Best Shade of Lipstick Ever Created'. "Funny you should say that," He mumbled, beginning to pack up his supplies. "Because I heard that 'queer' happened to have a little crush on Jakotsu."

"Well isn't that so great to know?" Hiten scoffed, glaring at the empty desk in the back of the classroom. "Stupid fagmo should've kept Jakotsu away from Bankotsu if he liked him so much…"

"Suzaku wasn't so bad." Naraku commented, interrupting his friend's thoughts.

"I guess he wasn't…"

Both men fell silent, Naraku regarding the younger one with an almost affectionate gaze.  
"You miss him don't you? That's why you've been so grouchy, huh?"

"No." Hiten mumbled, prying his eyes from the seat. "I'm just…. Just pissed at Jakotsu… I guess." "Oh yeah," Naraku grinned. "That was your best friend he kissed at the prom last week, wasn't it?"

"Duh. He ruined the entire night with his stupidity! You'd think he'd learned to keep his… urges… to himself!"

"Jakotsu wouldn't hurt a fly. He didn't mean any har-"

"Then he shouldn't have done it!" Hiten fumed. "If he'd controlled his stupid self, then he wouldn't have gotten hit and-"

"Pushed. Bankotsu pushed him off, right?"

"I don't know." Hiten scoffed. "Everyone gave me a different version of the story. So basically he went to the prom last week with Bankotsu, thanks to a dare. But then he kissed Bankotsu, Bankotsu pushed or hit him so hard that it made him bleed… Then he ran off crying, and Bankotsu left to follow him. Everyone said he'd killed himself…"

"That's what I call dying from embarrassment…" Naraku mumbled, lying his head on his desk.

"And what I'd call a perfectly great prom ruined by a perfectly stupid person." Hiten concluded. "And all of my friends are pissed at him, even more than I am. They said today's their payback day."

"Oh?" Naraku whispered, interest piqued. "How will they get payback?"

"I dunno." Hiten shrugged. "But I told them the best thing would be to hit the two-hundred hall girls' bathroom. It's Jakotsu's favorite… I'll stop by after I change for practice and see if they actual do it, I guess."

"Can I come see too?" His nosy classmate questioned, causing Hiten to raise an eyebrow at him. "It's just a trashed bathroom…." Naraku offered him a gentle smile, then closed his eyes to take his daily fifth period beauty-rest nap. "Guess we're both bored without our Suzaku, huh?"

Hiten sighed, taking his example.  
"He'd better just come back soon and amuse us…"

* * *

* * *

Bankotsu sat, bored, in the silent, sound-proof counselor's office. He was isolated from the other students by the heavy sound proof door which was meant to maintain confidentiality, but so far all it had done was accentuate the loud ticking of the clock on the wall which seemed insistent on never striking three pm. That was when, just as they'd agreed, he and Jakotsu would meet again in his favorite bathroom and he could finally get his history book back.

That was, unless Jakotsu wasn't able to find it. And chances were, he wouldn't.  
He'd probably just apologize with that usual little grin on his face and then distract his pissed boyfriend with a long make-out session. Which was fine with Bankotsu… But in that case, he'd need to take Jakotsu home first, because Hiten had said he'd be in that very bathroom by three-thirty…

Bankotsu grinned, hopping up from his seat just as the clock struck three pm. But before he'd reached the door, he was interrupted by his counselor, who had not quite finished talking to him.

"Wait a moment now, Bankotsu!" She gasped, standing. "Are you telling me that you really can't remember why you've been so upset lately?!"

He bowed apologetically as he turned back to face her. "I guess I can't." He shrugged. "But you know, I think the real problem is just that everyone thinks I'm upset, when I'm really… not, I guess."

"Well it still sounds like denial to me…." She sighed. "But I'll tell you what. I think the best person for you to talk to would be that friend of yours who you said was acting really strange and scared lately. I think it sounds like he might know what's going on…"

"Funny." Bankotsu laughed. "Cuz I was just about to go see him."

"Well good then." She offered him a kind smile. "Then you tell that teacher of yours that this session was a successful one, and to let you come back sometime, you hear?"

"Sure." He turned, hurrying from the room. "Thanks!"  
He sighed, rolling his eyes. Of course he had already figured out the source of his stress. He and Jakotsu had caused such a scene at the prom... He had figured this out during the hours of sitting in that sickeningly tidy white office. No wonder everyone had been staring and whispering.

The football captain had let the school queer kiss him…  
Swearing silently to never let himself slip up like that again, he hurried away from the office, ignoring his counselor.

She had followed him to the door, waving happily as he ran down the almost deserted hallway. "Where did the other kids go? Maybe class isn't out yet?…" She wondered, checking her wristwatch. "Oh, my goodness… the office clock is almost thirty minutes slow! Hope Bankotsu hasn't missed his ride…"

She thought of pursuing him, but shrugged it off.  
"I'm sure Bankotsu's friend is still waiting though." But as she turned to return to her room, something caught her attention. The sound of wet footsteps seemed to be echoing down the hallway, and when she whipped back around to investigate, she was met with a very panicked student, who seemed to be soaked with water.

"Oh darling- young lady, what have you been doing?!" She scolded, pulling the sopping 'girl' into her room. "You're absolutely soak-"

"Don't you call me darling!"

She raised an eyebrow at the livid student, who revealed himself to be a very feminine-looking young man. "Oh, it's you, Naraku…."

"Lemme go!" He insisted, struggling from her grip. "I have to find that school officer police guy! The bathroom! I think Jakotsu's…" He trailed off, growling in the effort of trying to free himself.

"What do you mean officer? Don't you need a plumber?" She mused, but Naraku was definitely not amused. "I need a cop you stupid hoe!" He screamed, struggling out of her grip.  
Shocked at his language, she finally released him, moving out of his way as he bolted back into the hallway, trailing water all across the ground.

"Really!" Sighing, she hurried over to her desk. 'Why do my students never tell me what's wrong with them?' She pulled her PA system's microphone from the desk, speaking into it. "Officer Kyoukotsu, I believe we have a seriously vandalized bathroom that needs your attention…"

Bankotsu gazed up as the speakers echoed through the hall.

"Mrs. I-Suck-At-Counseling?" He wondered aloud. "Why would she send a police officer to a bathroom?" For a moment, he contemplated returning to her office, but stopped himself. "Surely that dumb Kyoukotsu won't go to Jakotsu's bathroom instead of all the other ones in the school…"

Despite this idea, Bankotsu found himself nearly running down the deserted halls, toward his boyfriend's favorite bathroom. He was late, he had realized, catching glances at the empty classrooms on either side of him. So he didn't slow down until he passed officer Kyoukotsu, who was hurrying off in the other direction.

He was just as anxious, however, and pushed the door of the girl's bathroom open, much less inconspicuously than he should've.

Unfortunately, though, it seemed like no one was inside, and as he took a long glance around, Bankotsu realized why.

The once orderly, overly-sanitary girls' bathroom had been transformed into a graffiti-covered wreck. The large mirror over the sinks had many cracks in it, the sinks themselves had been clogged with toilet paper and were overflowing so that the water poured steadily onto the ground. This murky water had risen many inches along the walls, which were spray-painted with many illegible words and symbols.

He suddenly remembered what Hiten had said earlier that day.  
'After school today go to the girl's bathroom on two hundred hall. Me and a few buddies are gonna leave you a little… gift in there.'

"This is my gift?"

Bankotsu took a wet step forward, looking around at the surface of the water. It seemed that many girls' possessions had been dropped to float in it. Among these items were tubes of lipstick, similar cosmetics, and, to Bankotsu's surprised disgust, his own History Textbook.

Grudgingly, he pulled the sopping book from the ground, double-checking the name on the front cover. Of course, as luck would have it, it seemed his boyfriend had left his book in the bathroom, and had not even stayed behind to wait for him…

With a scoff, Bankotsu dropped the book, suddenly angry.

Sure he'd been late to the meeting they'd agreed on, but did Jakotsu really have to just leave it there? He stood, kicking the book aside, but as he turned to leave, he realized he couldn't. Though he was severely disappointed, Bankotsu couldn't bring himself to leave his love's favorite bathroom in such horrible condition.

The least he could do was turn off the rapidly flowing water faucets.  
Officer Kyoukotsu would see to the rest, even though it was strange for a police officer to have been called to a janitor's job…

One at a time, Bankotsu unclogged and turned each faucet off, but the sound of running water didn't completely fade. Instead of the dry silence he had expected, a wet sloshing sound continued, echoing lowly on the ruined walls.

He peered down the aisle of bathroom stalls, curiosity getting the better of him.

Immediately, he realized that almost every door had been pulled down to hang off its hinges. One door was even on the ground just barely visible, floating in the murky water which covered the floor tiles.

The water was still rising…

"Are the toilets running too?" Bankotsu wondered aloud. And as he became more confused with his 'gift', he began to walk cautiously down the aisle, examining each of the broken stalls. He couldn't help but hope that at least some of the graffiti on them would be readable. Perhaps it would give him a hint as to why the hell Hiten would have assumed he'd want a wrecked bathroom for a gift.

To his slight relief, he found the stalls to be spray-painted with the initials of the people who had obviously caused this devastation.

As he looked over each stall, checking one silent toilet after another, he began to recognize the initials of people he knew; his friends, no less. And the final stall, the only one which still had a door intact, held the most graffiti. This was the most neatly written, and also held the most familiar initials. J.K.

"Jakotsu Kujaku? Aisuru?…" Bankotsu whispered, disbelieving.

His boyfriend's name had been sprayed many times, all along the door of his favorite stall. But why? Why would his Jakotsu be involved? Would he have caused such destruction to his favorite room and then proudly signed it with proof?

Bankotsu sighed, confusion riddling his mind as he ran a hand over the drying letters, his fingers sliding over a strangely rough surface.  
Taking a closer look at the area beneath these fingers, Bankotsu read the words which had been carved there. "Remember: Four twenty-two…"

He mumbled this number repeatedly under his breath. 'My locker number?' was his first thought, but he couldn't fathom why anyone would leave the message of remembering a locker.

"Oh, duh, Baka!" He suddenly laughed, slapping himself on the forehead. "The prom was April twenty-second!" Hiten, and apparently a couple of his other friends, had trashed the bathroom to create a memento for their disastrous prom. "How immature…"

Bankotsu turned, intending to find Hiten and reprimand him for the creation of such a stupid 'gift', but he had barely taken two steps before he tripped and fell onto the wet floor. Cursing, he tried to stand but found that his foot had gotten caught on something floating in the depths of the murky water, which now soaked his knees. His jeans were stained a sickening brown color.

Silently hoping that the water was murky with only paint and debris, Bankotsu turned and freed himself. But when his hands met the silken material that'd tripped him, he took his appreciation back.

What else, but his boyfriend's precious kimono sash could've been floating here, ruined with red paint? Even more disgusted with his best friend's 'gift', Bankotsu began to wind the sash around his hand, wringing it out, but soon he realized that it was caught on something. So he began to tug on it to find what it'd caught on.

To his annoyance, the sash led his hand right under the door of the stall, and when he tried to pull it open, he found it to be locked. Still he searched for a way to pull it free, knowing that even though it was Jakotsu's fault for forgetting it, he'd be very upset if he never got it back.

Bankotsu tried to push the door open, but it seemed as if something were blocking it on the other side. More wreckage perhaps… He then gave the door a firm pull. A metallic clink met his ears and he bent over to retrieve the source. A sharp, silver knife, probably the one used to carve the message, had been wedged into the door, preventing it from opening. Determined to yank it open, Bankotsu dropped the sash, fixing his hold securely on the handle, with one foot to the wall.

With a powerful yank, he managed to break the knife, but when he released the handle, the door swung heavily back, hitting him.

"Oh, god damnit!" He hissed, stepping away from the door, which he could've sworn had just broken his nose.

'Shouldn't have pulled so hard…' he guessed. But as he backed up, the door continued to slide open, of its own accord until finally, the heavy object which had evidently been pushing it, slid into the water before the stall.

Immediately fear overtook Bankotsu, causing his muscles to lock up. The unmistakable form of a human body had just slid into the water before him. The hand-knit sash was wrapped around its face like a mummy's bandages.

Forcing himself into action, Bankotsu dove forward, retrieving the unmoving form from the ground. His heart beat so hard it felt as if it would surely burst from his chest. He pulled the sash away to reveal the face beneath.

It's owner, Bankotsu's precious lover, lay limp and frigid in his arms.

"Jakotsu…"


	2. Out of Murky Water

disclaimer  
I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.  
(Although I wish I did own those adorable, wonderful, super kawaii, sexy little sons of...ahem! anyways)  
I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.  
I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world  
- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

**  
Not For All The World: Chapter 2: Out of Murky Water  
**

"Jakotsu…" The word had fallen from his trembling lips before he could stop it.  
"Jakotsu! Jakotsu!" But Bankotsu's lover did not stir.

For a moment he could only stare in horrid disbelief at the love of his life, whose eyes were shut gently, eyelashes ruined with dark purple mascara which shone sickeningly against his deathly pale skin.

But then, shaking the shock from his body, Bankotsu stood on his knees, catching hold of Jakotsu, and pulling him onto his lap, out of the cold water.  
He held him as closely as he could, trying to share the warmth of his body with that of the limp man in his arms.

Warm relief filled his heart as the sound of Jakotsu's breathing met his ears. It was uneven and shaky, but it was an unmistakable sign of life.

Still he wracked his brain, wondering what the hell was going on.  
Why the hell had his lover been sitting against the door, soaked with water, and surrounded by wet paint in that stall? Surely it had been the fumes given off by that very paint, which had caused him to lose consciousness. So why stay in the stall?

Even now, Bankotsu could see plenty of reddish paint smudged over his lover's shirt.  
The one that'd once held elegant designs and kanji painted across the front…

Ruined. What a foolish thing for Jakotsu to have done…

"Aisuru, wake up." He mumbled, annoyed at having grown so sick with worry.  
He gave Jakotsu's shoulders a firm shake, pulling him closer. But he did not stir.  
Jakotsu merely continued to take quiet, shivering breaths and his eyes remained closed.

"He's too cold." Bankotsu realized. He reached into the water around him, finally locating one of the stopped up drains on the ground. He pulled the wad of toilet paper out and the cold water began to slowly drain. This completed, he turned to remove his lover's ruined and soaked clothes. One by one he peeled them carefully from his limp body. Modesty had never mattered to Jakotsu anyway…

First removing the infamous sash and sliding his kimono from his shoulders, Bankotsu continually rubbed his hands along his skin, trying to warm it up.  
Next, he began to pull off his love's shirt, rolling it up, over the cold skin of his stomach.

But halfway into doing this, Bankotsu's fingers froze up, his gaze having fallen on the source of the 'red paint' which had ruined the shirt.

He suddenly recognized this brownish liquid to be not paint, but blood.  
Blood which he'd unknowingly been allowing to flow into the murky water they sat in.  
Jakotsu was unconscious, not due to stupidly remaining in a room filled with paint fumes, but to a heavy loss of blood.

"Oh God…" Bankotsu whispered, unable to move. As his shivering hands finally regained their strength, he moved to completely reveal a large wound on his lovers lower stomach. Letters had been cut in a diagonal row, incorrectly spelling out a word Bankotsu had read one too many times.

"F-A-G-I-T"

Reality hit him, hard, as he put the pieces together in his mind.  
His lover was in very dangerous condition, and it was all because his so-called best friends had given a gift to make up for a ruined prom.

It was vengeance, offered to him on a silver platter.  
For making one mistake at that stupid dance, his lover had been punished with this:

A bloody death.

"Ai- Aisuru get up!"  
He spoke again, loudly, his voice more shaky than his love's shivering breath.  
And again he shook him by the shoulders, growing desperate to pull him back into consciousness. But Jakotsu only replied with that same shaky, gagged breathing.  
"Get up!" Bankotsu begged, beginning to put pressure on his lover's chest.  
CPR class seemed decades away. But his hands moved in the motions he thought he'd never need, and he bent down to put his lips to Jakotsu's, voice breaking.  
"Please! Aisu… ai…! Get up Jakotsu!"

Finally, as if an electric shock had gone through him, Jakotsu drew a deep, quivering breath, only to begin coughing.  
His lover moved quickly to roll him over in his lap, allowing the water to drizzle from his mouth. But he soon forced him onto his back, unable to stand not seeing his face.

Bankotsu pulled Jakotsu into a sitting position, holding him close to himself as he finally began to show more signs of consciousness.

Jakotsu moved slowly, grasping weakly at his lover's clothes.  
He was wracked again and again with rancid coughs and choked uncontrollably on his breath.  
His head spun mercilessly and searing pain continued to shoot through his body, the letters burning on his torso.

He moaned unintelligibly to his love, just as darkness threatened to overtake him, and Bankotsu was forced to throw his arms around him, just in time to stop him falling onto the hard linoleum.

"Aisuru, you have to stay awake." He warned, pulling his injured lover securely to himself. But Jakotsu merely began to cough again, trying to pull away from him.  
His lover's chest was pressed painfully against the bloody wounds on his own, and he dazedly wished to return to the numbing cold water.

Still Bankotsu held him against his will, but realized how powerless he was to help his precious friend. Jakotsu was wet and heavy, bleeding profusely, and fighting against him.

"Help, help…" He moaned, realizing that the cell phone in his back pocket was undoubtedly already ruined by the water he'd sat in.

Jakotsu stopped struggling, but pulled back, shivering violently as Bankotsu tried again to lift the older, taller man from the ground.

'If I leave him here to get help…' He shook the thought away before it surfaced.

"Help…" The hot tears stung his eyes as Jakotsu ceased his efforts to move. He was now shivering uncontrollably, unable to do anything else. Still Bankotsu persisted. He tried time and again to pull his sopping, weighed down lover farther from the source of the filthy water, making little progress, and just as hopeless panic began to cloud his mind, the sound of the bathroom door sliding open met his ears.

Bankotsu turned to call out to whoever had come into the room, but the words caught in his throat as his 'help' rounded the corner.

Hiten, eyes wide with worry, hurried over to him but froze staring around in shock.  
"I thought Naraku was lying…" He whispered, eyes set on the injured man in his best friend's lap. "I thought- I thought the guys were just gonna…"  
He silenced himself, reaching out to help Bankotsu up. "Let's get him out of-"

"Don't touch him!"

Hiten pulled his hand back, shocked by the vicious retort his friend had just shot him.  
"But Bankotsu, I just want to help…"

"This is your fault!" He hissed, clutching his lover fiercely as he began to move away from him. "You and your monster friends…" Hot tears ran freely down his cheeks now, rolling off his chin. "I can't believe…" He choked, trying desperately to lift Jakotsu.

"I love you." Bankotsu whispered, holding the limp man still closer. "Don't die, I love you, I love you." He repeated, as if chanting.

Hiten stood, too shocked to do anything, despite how badly he wanted to help him.  
The voice in his head shrieked with disbelief. 'He loves him… He loves him?! '

He reached down again but Bankotsu pulled away, sobbing into the older man's dark hair.  
If his precious Jakotsu was going to die, it would not be in the arms of the man who'd caused it!

"I- I mean I didn't-" Hiten stammered, being rebuffed yet again, "How was I supposed to know?!" But Bankotsu said nothing, refusing to even look at him. Silence fell between the two former best friends, broken only by the younger man's anguished sobbing.

Dread pooled inside of Hiten, swirling much like the frigid, cloudy water he stood in. Never had he imagined that Bankotsu had fallen in love with this effeminate man who he rarely even mentioned.

'But no wonder', he thought bitterly, eyes cast down at his ruined white cleats. Suddenly he bitterly regretted the uniform he'd so happily sported.

Just as he reached out again, the bathroom door crashed open behind him. He took a mechanical step to the side as officer Kyoukotsu and Naraku hurried past him, both kneeling to aid the sobbing teenager.

And their help was readily accepted.

The garbled radio on the officer's hip said something about an ambulance, but Hiten didn't understand it. His best friend stood as Kyoukotsu and Naraku carried Jakotsu from the room.

Bankotsu brushed past him, gritting out only one thing.

"I hate you."

* * *

"You can speak to them now if you like."

Bankotsu nodded, looking around. He stood in the front office of his high school, before a vast row of seated students. Most still wore their football jersey, but each wore a similar expression of fear and confusion, and each knew not why he could look down at them with such loathsome malice in his eyes.

They were his friends, his partners. He had trusted every one of them and adored them for who they were. And it was that gentle respect that'd left room for their bitter betrayal.

He hadn't been the least bit wary of them, after all, when they'd tried to take from him the one thing he'd ever truly loved.

A crime he silently accepted they may not even have to pay for.

Officer Kyoukotsu stood beside him, glaring down at each of them.

"Destruction of school property…" he recited, glancing at the list of school rules in his hand. "An offense that could lead to expulsion from school." He turned the list around, showing it to those who sat silently before him.

"You're all guilty of that, but unfortunately you made the mistake of taking one step out of school jurisdiction."

There was a general murmur around the room as each man had his suspicion confirmed.  
The tension rose in the air as each realized that the officer was telling them that they were no longer schoolboys.  
They faced not expulsion, but possible imprisonment.

But to their surprise, officer Kyoukotsu stepped down and handed his list to Bankotsu, who took a deep breath, causing a confused murmur to break out among his friends.

Why Bankotsu? Why were the police officers, who'd already cuffed and bound them to chairs, standing idly by as Bankotsu spoke? Wasn't he doing their job?

"Assault of a classmate, class four offense." Bankotsu read, interrupting their confused thoughts. "But you're no longer children, so…." He smiled unpleasantly, teeth showing, as he dropped the list in his hands.

"Let's try… Assault with a deadly weapon."  
Again he paused, breathing in the tension in the room.  
Never had he expected to find so much contentment in the absolute horror of his high school friends. Never had he held so much unwanted power over anyone.

"To tell you the truth…" He began, dropping his harsh tone. "You're my friends, and I never wanted this to happen to you. In fact, you were right about me. I would've loved to see that room trashed, just for me. It would've been the perfect prank…"

Just as quickly as the thick tension had cleared, it returned, each man taken aback by Bankotsu's next words.

"If only you had stopped there instead of fucking the whole thing up!"  
He glared down at them, knowing that they'd never heard him speak so foully.  
"One of you prejudiced assholes decided to paint your message in blood!  
With a knife, not a spray can. How idiotic can you get?!"

He drew his hands behind his back, suddenly realizing just how nervous he was beginning to grow. He hated how much emotion he was having to show to these treacherous friends of his.

"I'm not stupid. I know you did this because your victim, Jakotsu… is gay.  
He's different. He made a mistake. And so you decided to punish him for it.  
But I also know that you're just like him. After all, you made a mistake, you'll be punished, and you'll be different. You do realize don't you, that you'll be locked up instead of receiving your diplomas? Maybe Jakotsu truly was a freak, and maybe you hated him for it.  
But look who's the outcast now…"

The men before him were deathly silent, and at this point, Bankotsu's fingers had begun to twitch. He dared not pull them from behind himself, even as his eyes began to burn, warning him to be silent.

He did not listen to his mind's warning. He no longer cared about the happy life he'd worked so hard to create. He was tired of running, lying and hiding.

"You call yourselves my friends, but you never knew… You didn't even know who I was, because I never told you. But since everything's over, since you've fucked everything up already, I'll tell you the truth right now.

The truth is that there may not be enough evidence left for a conviction.  
The truth is that it was all washed down the drains with the water and blood you spilled.  
The truth is that the one who actually committed the crime may never see justice…

And if he never does, I still need to tell him something. I want him to know that he's shown his true colors, that he's dangerous, hateful enough to kill  
And I want him to know that… The truth is he's tried to kill someone who means more to me than he, or any of you ever will.

If he is never convicted…"

Bankotsu froze, pulling his hands up quickly to stop himself from choking on a sob.  
But still he continued, voice breaking, because he knew what he had to say.  
"If you, whoever you are, go free, and take your prejudiced, homicidal mind with you…  
If you raise a knife over my Jakotsu once more, then remember what I say to you today.

If you're truly my friend, but still hate him, then do me one favor:

kill me first."

Bankotsu rubbed his palms into his eyes, wiping the tears away.  
He blinked hard, feeling them flow still. Shuddering breaths drew steadily into his lungs, for he could not calm himself any further, but still he forced his sobs to quiet and let his words be spoken.

"Please…" He began, forcing himself to let go of the lies and finally speak the truth.  
"Kill me first, carve whatever you want into my stomach, but just kill me instead…  
Because I love Jakotsu. I always have, and I always knew you'd hate me for it.  
I didn't want to lose you as my friends… I didn't want to be an outcast with him, so I never told anyone how I felt about him.

If you hate Jakotsu for what he is, then you have to hate me too."

He forced his hands over his face, no longer able to look at the shock in his friends' eyes, no longer able to stand the hurt on his own best friend's face.

Hiten Raiyuki was crying too. He struggled against the handcuffs that bound him, but he was powerless to move, and apparently speechless as well.  
Bankotsu hated him most of all…

"I'll forget all of you after this. I don't care about what you think anymore.  
I love him, and you mean nothing to me if you'd hurt him. I don't want friends anymore.  
I don't want a prank or a gift.

I want you to just remember the truth. Just forget our friendship. Because this life is over for me. You are over for me. I don't care about you anymore!"  
It was a boldfaced lie. Stormy blue eyes met with Hiten's tearful red ones and he knew instantly that he wouldn't be able to speak anymore. He'd loved Hiten dearly, trusted him completely, only to be stabbed in the back.

He stood before his former friends then, unable to do anything but sob miserably into his own hands.

Bankotsu looked up from his tears as warm arms wrapped around him from behind.  
A whole new wave of fear crashed over him as he recognized the scent of his mother's perfume. But he knew it was too late for him to stop. So he leaned closer to her, drawing strength from her touch as he said his final piece, speaking through the salt of his tears and the pounding in his head.

"Hate me, kill me, just don't take him from me.  
Because without Jakotsu, I'm already dead…  
Just forget we were ever friends…"

'No, no, don't go. Don't tell me to forget you.'  
Hiten struggled helplessly against the handcuffs that still bound him to the chair as his now former best friend stood before them, crying his eyes out.

He was done speaking but still he stood, crying as his mother held him.

Hiten avoided her disappointed blue gaze. He'd seen her smile so many times, years ago. She would bring him peanut butter and jelly sandwiches each time he visited Bankotsu. They played together as kids, laughed together…

"I'm sorry." He whispered, shocked that he'd spoken. "I'm sorry, Bankotsu."  
But his words were drowned as the other boys began to speak as well.

"I didn't do it!"  
"This isn't fair!"  
"It's not my fault!"  
"I want to walk at graduation!"  
"I wasn't even there!"  
"It wasn't my idea!"

The lies and excuses mingled together as the room filled with noise, and Bankotsu turned to leave, allowing his mother to lead him out of the room. "We'll go to see him at the hospital." She promised, rubbing his shoulders.

But Bankotsu hadn't heard. He spared a glance at his former friends, disgusted. They didn't even care. Jakotsu could be dying in the hospital right now, and still they were only worried for themselves and their precious reputations.

If only Jakotsu hadn't been so bold as to kiss him at that stupid prom. If only those ignorant, prejudiced bastards had never found out…

'I'll make sure it never slips out again,' He promised himself in silence.  
'I'll never let anyone hurt him.

Never… again.'


	3. Love, Hate and Strawberry Cones

disclaimer  
I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.  
(Although I wish I did own those adorable, wonderful, super kawaii, sexy little sons of...ahem! anyways)  
I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.  
I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.  
- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

(AN2. lol! Why do I have so many hits and so few reviews? Plz share the love people! I want to hear what you think! Here is chapter six. Please enjoy. Also, Please check out the link on my profile if you'd like to see pictures of what Midari Suzaku looks like. He's gorgeous.)

**Not For All The World.**

**Chapter Three: Love Hate and Strawberry Cones**

Bankotsu ran ahead, rounding the corner and disappearing into the ice cream shop. Raiyuki Hiten followed distractedly after him, watching the long black hair dancing merrily as if it were beckoning him to follow.  
"Slow poke!" The thin pink lips chided as he finally caught up. "Come on! You promised you'd treat me today…"

His voice seemed far away, ringing with its unique, enchanting tune. Every word was almost like a melody which his ears starved for every day. He couldn't stop the smile that spread to his lips as those blue eyes met his own. He followed the object of his admiration into the quiet little shop, thankful that the dinner crowd had not yet arrived.

"Oh, I love Strawberry…"

Bankotsu swooned, his hands pressed against the glass as he poured over the many different flavors there were to choose from. "Strawberry and chocolate!" He finally decided, watching with glee as the cashier behind the glass prepared two identical cones. She passed them over, to Bankotsu's delight, and as he turned around, laughing, he accidentally knocked right into his best friend.

"It's just ice cream…" Hiten chuckled, rubbing at his forehead where Bankotsu had just knocked heads with him. "It's my favorite." Bankotsu corrected, bringing his smiling lips up to nip the little ring that dangled from his friend's ear. It was like a little kiss, Bankotsu's way of showing affection.

"Thanks Hiten," He whispered, and suddenly the room became very still. For some reason, Hiten felt as if they were alone in the world. He could feel his best friend's warm breath tickling his ear and felt a sudden urge to turn his head and catch those fleeting pink lips. But he didn't dare.  
"What are you thinking about?" that sweet little voice implored, but Hiten made no attempt to reply. Silently berating himself for freezing up like that, he finally took his share of the ice cream and moved to pay the girl at the register.

"Prom." He lied, heading off to find a good table for them to sit at.

"Who are you going with, then?" His friend immediately asked, plopping down across from him. He went to work on his pink ice cream, and again Hiten silently berated himself.  
Bankotsu loved sweets, and was never afraid to act like it. Inwardly Hiten had reminded himself of this fact, but that didn't stop him from treating his best friend. Maybe he was masochistic, for watching him so intently, or maybe he was just stupid…

His friend continued on however, in complete ignorant bliss. His tongue slid languidly across each smooth side of the strawberry cone, savoring every inch of the frozen treat.

"I can never make up my mind," Bankotsu continued, not noticing the hot tension that had risen between them, "when it comes to dances and shit like that."

Hiten scoffed, averting his eyes and finally setting to work on his own ice cream.  
"Only a lesbian would ever refuse an invitation from you."  
That said, he paused, only now realizing that the ice cream Bankotsu had ordered was his least favorite flavor; strawberry. He set it aside, but didn't mention it.  
"Just pick the girl you like best."

"I don't like…" Bankotsu trailed off, pausing thoughtfully, "I mean I don't feel like putting up with a woman all night long…"

Hiten raised an eyebrow at this. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"  
He laughed, teasing Bankotsu, "you'd rather take a boy or something?"  
To his surprise, Bankotsu fell completely silent. He even stopped his attack on the delicious strawberry ice cream.

"What if I did?" He finally forced the question out, refusing to look at the other man.  
But Hiten only laughed again, waving it off. "That might be pretty funny, actually!"

"I could never do that…"

Bankotsu's cheeks lit up at this thought, and his best friend smiled at the cute little blush he'd invoked. "I dare you to," He teased, watching as his cheeks flushed deeper still.

"The guys would crucify me," Bankotsu replied, referring to the football team they usually hung out with. They had already made plans to attend an after party together…  
"Whatever." Hiten waved this off as well, thoroughly amused by his friend's embarrassment.  
"Bros before Hoes, as they say."

Bankotsu frowned as he finished off his strawberry scoop and started in on the chocolate. "Bros before hoes…" He repeated, deep in thought.  
"Well how about this?" Hiten piped up, a stroke of genius having come his way, "You could just go with-"

Bankotsu jumped. A muffled techno ringtone had begun to issue from his book bag. He stood abruptly, retrieving his cell phone and flipping it open to check the ID.

"Aisuru…" He gasped, slapping a hand to his forehead. "I completely forgot where I was supposed to be tonight!" Shoving the still ringing phone back into the bag, Bankotsu bowed his apologies to his confused friend. "I'll call you later, promise!"

Hiten nodded, watching his companion rush out the door.  
He watched that gorgeous fleeting form for the second time that night, but this time he did not follow after.

"I'm such a coward," he mumbled, snatching the ice cream cone that Bankotsu had completely forgotten. "Let's go to prom together! That's all I had to say!" he brought the delicious treat to his lips, letting out an annoyed groan. "He is so oblivious…"

He ran his tongue over the slightly pink, melting chocolate ice cream, vaguely wondering what Bankotsu himself tasted like. Probably just a little less sweet…

* * *

"Oh my gawwd!"

Hiten grudgingly raised his head from his desk, following the unfamiliar voice.  
A very effeminate, black-haired man had just pranced into his classroom, sporting a tight black skirt with a slit up the side and a matching blouse; a girl's uniform.  
He rolled his eyes, instantly recognizing the infamous 'Queen of Kouryu High'; Jakotsu.

For a moment he thought the queen was headed his way, but he was wrong. Gazing absently at those high-heeled mary janes, he wondered why the queen had taken a seat atop the desk beside him. But Jakotsu, who seemed to be lost somewhere on cloud nine, had not even noticed him. A twisted smirk had curved permanently on his painted red lips and he hummed merrily to himself, crossing his legs as he waited.

'Does he even have a dick?' Hiten thought, raising an eyebrow at his perfectly painful-looking feminine way of sitting. His long, pale legs were completely smooth and hairless, and unfortunately very visible from this angle.  
Hiten sat up, purposely averting his eyes from this absolutely obscene image.

Finally the queen stood again, calling out, and Hiten finally realized why he was there.  
"Su-chan!" that ridiculous voice trilled, and he threw himself into the arms of one of Hiten's own friends; Suzaku Midari.

The redhead smiled, catching him in a warm embrace, and the queen planted a wet red kiss to the other man's cheek, positively giddy with happiness.

"Ne, ne, guess what I just found in my locker?!"  
He danced with excitement, and Hiten marveled at the fact that he had not yet tripped over those heels.  
Thankfully Suzaku, his red-headed prey, was much more collected. He held out his hand quietly and accepted the little blue envelope from the freak in front of him. With an unpleasant jolt Hiten snapped to attention. He could have sworn that he recognized the handwriting on that letter…

"An invitation to prom." Suzaku whispered without even opening it.  
"Mou! You're no fun!" The queen pouted in reply, stamping his heel with a loud clack.  
"How come you are so smart?!"

His companion laughed at this, tossing his long velvet hair back, with that infectious smile curled on his smooth pink lips. "I'm not second in the class for no reason,"  
He laughed, returning the envelope to its rightful owner. Then he cocked his graceful head, a finger to his lips. " Now let's see… who would have the balls to invite my queen to the prom?"

"You will never guess!" Jakotsu teased, ignoring the finger the other wagged at him.

Suzaku laughed, his curious emerald eyes gazing up at the ceiling. "Quiet down and let me think. Is it…. Someone that is gay, like us?"

Jakotsu shook his head, looking as if he were about to explode from the excitement.

"Give me a hint then," The redhead suggested, happy to play along with their guessing game.  
At this the queen had to stop to think and looked around the room, contemplating. To his surprise, the queen turned and pointed one of his perfectly manicured fingernails directly at Hiten himself.

"One of these," The effeminate man hinted and Suzaku turned to regard him.  
"Hello Raiyuki-kun…" He waved amiably and Hiten nodded, utterly confused.  
"These?" He repeated, offended.

"Football player?" Suzaku guessed, smiling when his queer companion squealed, nodding in the positive.

Hiten looked again at the little letter and before he could stop himself, the word slipped out. "Bankotsu…"

The queen turned to Hiten, blinking his perfect sparkling mascara-covered eyelashes.  
His large, onyx-colored eyes were wide with surprise. "Cheater…" seemed to be the only word he could think to say.

"No fucking way!" Suzaku breathed, "You're lying…"  
But the queen shook his regal little head, the butterfly pin in his hair jingling like a bell.  
"Yes way. The captain of the football team is taking me to the prom!"

Hiten turned, suddenly aware that every student in the classroom had fallen into complete silence. Some of them stared shamelessly, others turned to their friends, whispering behind their hands. "The captain of the football team?"  
Even the teacher seemed to be looking their way.

"The whole school is going to be gossiping now!" Suzaku scolded, taking one of his friend's bracelet-covered wrists into his hand. But Jakotsu obviously didn't care.  
He giggled as Suzaku made to pull him out of the room and would not budge.  
"You're just jealous!"

At this Hiten scoffed, and the two turned to look at him. "Ah, don't get your panties in a wad." He said with an unpleasant grin, "It's only because I dared him to do it."

"Do what?" The queen asked, not understanding.

"To ask a guy to prom, you idiot!" Again the room began to buzz, and Hiten sincerely wished the people around him would just drop dead.

"Liar."

Hiten only scoffed, meeting Jakotsu's audacity with his own air of obvious superiority.  
"Ask him yourself."  
"I will!" the queen spat heatedly and again Suzaku tried to usher him out of the room.  
"Mou," He struggled against his friend's hold; livid. "You think you know him better than me?! Dare or no dare, you brainless jock, I am the one Bankotsu wants!"

Hiten rose to his feet, but Suzaku intervened before he could say anything.  
"Now, now" He cooed, stepping between them with his hands on Jakotsu's chest. "It's not worth getting detention over" He patted those perfectly pale, blush padded cheeks, insisting that his 'beautiful' queen go and question Bankotsu himself.

"Fine." His majesty finally conceded, allowing Suzaku to pull him toward the door. Still he walked with that infuriating poise, his proud head raised indignantly as he sauntered off. And when he had finally left the room Suzaku closed the door and took the liberty of giving the teacher an apologetic bow.

Hiten regained his seat, still wishing he'd gotten the chance to hit the stupid queer.  
Ignoring the eyes of his curious classmates, he returned his face to his desk with a resounding bang.

Unfortunately for him though, that shameless queer was not lying.  
That handwriting was definitely the style of his best friend… He himself had received dozens of letters from Bankotsu. But the one he had been hoping for most fervently was now in the hands of that bubble-headed faggot! It was preposterous; maddening! He lifted his head a little, only to bang it again on his desk.  
"Fuck…" The word escaped his grit teeth, and his head began wringing from either the impact or the hot white fury. He couldn't really tell which…

"I can't believe this shit."

He turned toward that voice, suddenly becoming aware that Suzaku had returned and was now sitting behind him, where he belonged. "The whole school will be up in arms. The school queer and the football captain… It's like a paparazzi nightmare."

Hiten turned around, relieved at the respite in his voice.  
"Preposterous, isn't it Midari-san?"  
Suzaku nodded in complete agreement, "Raiyuki-kun, you should talk to him about it!" He insisted, "This is too much for a dare. Even if you hate him, Jakotsu doesn't deserve all this fake excitement."

"Yeah, I guess."  
Those pink lips smiled sadly, and the two boys nodded in complete agreement.

* * *

"I know! It's true, it's true!"  
"They are like the king and queen of the whole school!"  
"This is going to be legendary!"  
"I heard he even kissed him!"  
"They're secret lovers, for sure..."  
"No way!"

Hiten shook his head, disgusted. Everywhere he went the rumors were flying. People kept stopping him in the halls to ask stupid questions, and he was about ready to punch the next freshman that spouted "Did you really make the dare?!".  
'Stupid, stupid stupid!' He silently berated himself again and again. But even in his anger he was alert, scanning the halls like a hawk searching for prey. Surely he would lose his mind if he didn't confront his best friend and put a stop to these preposterous rumors.

Finally he located Bankotsu, who was leaning his beautiful head against his car in the school parking lot. But as he drew nearer and got a better view, he froze, fury rising in his body.  
None other than the queen himself was seated casually on the hood of the car! He seemed to be chatting noisily with Bankotsu, as if he belonged there! That infuriating smile was on his lips again, and he was completely engrossed, hanging onto every word when Bankotsu spoke. What was worse; Bankotsu was smiling back, and at times he would laugh as well!

What the hell was going on? Even though Hiten was Bankotsu's best friend, he had never even seen these two hang out together! They sometimes spoke in passing, but that was it! If anyone had asked, Hiten would have commented that they were only acquaintances, yet here they were, laughing and smiling like the best of friends. It was almost as if…

Hiten shook his head, quickly ducking behind a nearby truck as the hated queen slid off of Bankotsu's car, apparently about to leave. "Sayonara!" He called behind himself. He was positively beaming, and he strolled right by, absently humming his joy to the lovely blue sky.

Once he was safely out of earshot, Hiten abandoned his hiding place, hurrying over to his best friend. Bankotsu had already gotten into the car, but he put it back in park when he saw Hiten coming toward him. "Hey!" He greeted, rolling the window down. "How now Raiyuki-kun?" He joked, referencing the English plays they were being forced to study in Literature class.

But Hiten didn't show even a hint of amusement and Bankotsu was surprised by his uncharacteristic antagonism. "What's eatin' you?"

"That!" He spat, pointing at the fleeting backside of the queen. "You asked him to the prom?!"  
"Why not?" He countered, still looking surprised. "Didn't you tell me to ask a boy? Jakotsu is a boy, even though he doesn't dress like it... And he wanted to come, so I asked him."

"But why him?!" Hiten insisted, miserably. "Why not someone tolerable like Midari-kun at least… anyone but him!" Bankotsu replied, simply. "I don't like Midari-san."

"So you_ like_ that gay-ass queen?!"

Bankotsu brought his hands up, shaking his head frantically. "No, no! But I didn't think you had anything against him!"

"He is the absolute worst!" Hiten seethed, "He is the gayest of the gayest of the gayest gays ever!"  
At this Bankotsu put his hands together, bowing apologetically to his obviously agitated friend.

"But Jakotsu and I have known each other ever since grade school," he explained, "His parents were friends with my parents and we used to play together all the time."

Hiten fell silent, listening to all of this new information in shock. Suddenly it occurred to him that Bankotsu did indeed act a lot like that obnoxious queen. He even kissed his friends in greeting, just like Jakotsu had kissed Suzaku…

"Ugh…"

"He's not so bad," Bankotsu insisted, waving off his friend's dismay. "You'll see!"

Hiten leaned back against his car, suddenly feeling a little sad as the situation fully dawned on him.  
"Hey…" he began, not turning to look at his friend.  
"Did you never even think to ask me to go with you to prom?"

He sighed as the air around them filled with tense silence and when he finally got up the courage to turn around Bankotsu only avoided his eyes. "A- Ano…" He brought his hands up to cover his suddenly hot, red cheeks and was unable to say anything more.

Hiten scoffed, cutting him off and then stalked away without another word.

'Stupid son of a bitch,' He grit his teeth, glancing around in the hopes of finding something solid that he could punch. But nothing caught his eye. He ignored his cell phone as it began to ring and made up his mind to never mention this humiliating moment again. If Bankotsu asked him about it, he would just play it off like it had never happened.

He stopped walking once he was safely back in the deserted school. His chest had begun to throb. He held the cell phone in his clenched fist, glaring down at the name reflected on the LCD. "Bankotsu, you fucking bastard…" He growled, slamming his head into the nearest wall. He wished he were on the football field so he could tackle someone; make someone bleed…

The little phone continued to sing its little song, but he hardly noticed. He stared at that blank white wall, his blood boiling. His head throbbed and after a moment the shame he felt began to leak out, rolling thickly down his cheeks.

He couldn't even think through the jealous rage which had consumed him. He didn't know how much time he stood there like that, too pissed to even think, but when he came back to himself he suddenly became aware of a sharp pain in his hand.  
He turned and beheld the shattered remains of his cell phone.  
"Fuck."

It was completely ruined; snapped cleanly in two with the screen shattered.

But he didn't care. At least Bankotsu's name no longer shone on it…  
"That idiot."  
He simply let the pieces fall to the floor, scattering along with little droplets of his own blood.  
He stared blankly at the cut which the broken electronic device had left in his hand, but somehow he could not even remember destroying that stupid little thing.

* * *

  
"I'm such an idiot!"

With his hands pressed against his anguished face, the miserable young man shook with uncontrollable sobs. His long, black braided hair swung as he stood suddenly, his hands clasping those of the unmoving form before him. 'Raiyuki-kun was so mad, for no reason! He mentioned it, but I didn't realize…'

The little droplets fell onto the unconscious man before him as his wet hands clasped the cold, thin fingers of his lover. The proud, beautiful queen of his heart lie deathly still, even the wet tears and hot touch did not rouse him.

"Wake up, wake up…" He moaned miserably, pressing his tattooed forehead against the other man's.

But he did not stir. "Aisuru…"

The nurse, who he had barely acknowledged spoke up then, offering what advice she could to comfort him. "Um, the patient is under anesthetic, but he should wake up once it wears off."

Bankotsu said nothing, gazing miserably at his deathly-still companion. Jakotsu's chest rose and fell gently. His bruised, purple wrists shone against the many white bandages that covered his torso and similar marks had appeared about his neck. Bankotsu could surmise the nightmare he must have gone through, and his misery only mounted whenever he considered the fact that it was all his fault. That stupid prom, stupid kiss, and his own stupid, slow realization… That was why Jakotsu had been assaulted so badly that he almost bled to death. He ran his fingers over the IV, wishing his words could flow through it as well. "I love you…"

The nurse blushed furiously, bowing her head in polite silence. Her patient was finally in more stable condition, but she stayed dutifully at her station, wary of the complicated machines that beeped every so often, measuring vital signs.

"Never again," She heard the young man whisper as he knelt there with his hands clasped and he made a promise the other man could not even hear.  
"I won't ever let anyone hurt you again; not for all the world…"


	4. Fate

disclaimer  
I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.  
(Although I wish I did own those adorable, wonderful, super kawaii, sexy little sons of...ahem! anyways)  
I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.  
I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.  
- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

(AN2. lol! Why do I have so many hits and so few reviews? Plz share the love people! I want to hear what you think! Here is chapter five. Please enjoy. Also, this chapter introduces Midari Suzaku! Please check out the link on my profile if you'd like to see pictures of him. He's gorgeous.)

**Not For All The World.**

**Chapter Four: Fate: Chance Encounters; Hopeful Hearts, Despite the Sickness**

"Good evening Midari, Suzaku."

The red-headed youth glared up at the woman before him. She sat up with a perfect stance, her white lab coat perfectly pressed and perfectly spotless…  
But he wore only jeans and an old T-shirt, his lanky frame settled awkwardly on one of the overly sterile white chairs. He held out his thin, pale wrists to her and she looked them over fondly.

"I see you have some new ones", she commented, indicating the cuts on his arms.  
"Perhaps we could discuss what brought about this new development."

"We could…" he replied, avoiding her gaze, "Or you could let me go eat lunch already."

Her smile did not falter. She merely nodded, scribbling away on her clipboard.  
"I see," She replied. "What did you use to make these new cuts?"

"My alarm clock…"

"Your clock," She repeated, urging him to explain further, " And how did you manage to do that with a clock?"

"I broke it, I guess."

"And there are sharp pieces inside of it," She nodded, understanding now. "But you know that you're not allowed to have anything sharp in your possession…"

He rolled his eyes, fidgeting absently with his long red hair.

"So I expect you to give me the pieces of that clock. Understand?"  
"I suppose I will."

She smiled, again bowing to record her observations on the clipboard.  
"And have you been taking your medication?"

"Like I have a choice" he spat, shaking the little orange bottle in front of her. "See it's almost empty!"

"That is quite impressive", she replied, putting down the clipboard and holding out a hand.  
"Then perhaps you have also finished the drawing you promised to make me last week…"

He held it out obediently, and she smiled down at the warped figure depicted. It appeared to be a green and blue lopsided face with four eyeballs and no mouth.  
"This is you?" She wondered aloud, smiling at his nod. "It is quite excellent."

"Yeah, my art... It never talks anymore." Suzaku commented, indicating the drawing. "Not when I draw or anything. But the pills make me so sleepy."

"I see," She whispered, putting the drawing down and reclaiming her clipboard.

"You're not going to show them what I told you?" He suddenly asked, standing up to try to get a look at her clipboard. "Certainly not." She assured, turning it so he could see.

"I'm hungry." He remarked, gazing out the window. "But at least it's the 7th floor. No one can see me up here."

"Of course not. It is always safe here for you." she smiled, standing up. "I have something new for you. You can take it with your lunch tomorrow." He stood as well, accepting the little piece of paper she had signed.  
"A new prescription. This one should make you less drowsy."

"I told them you were an angel," He smiled, dropping the little orange bottle as he followed her out of the office.

In the lobby he passed off his new prescription to the receptionist. The man behind him prodded him in the back and Suzaku nearly jumped in surprise.

"Midari-san?"

"That's me," the redhead replied, fixing his gaze on the shorter man who had interrupted him. His eyes wandered over the long black braid for a moment, but he didn't believe them. "Raiyuki, Hiten." He whispered. Here stood his old friend; the star quarterback of his former high school!

"I thought you were dead." Hiten laughed, taking his hand in a jovial handshake.  
"Everyone said there was a shooting at your house, or something like that."

"No, no," he replied, unable to tear his eyes from the handsome face of his old friend.  
"A stabbing."

"Whoa!" Hiten backed up, sizing him up. "I'm impressed."

"Don't be. I don't remember any of it."

Raising an eyebrow at this reply, Hiten handed in his own prescription. "What's yours for, OCD?" He laughed, taking a stab at why Suzaku might be here.

"My what?" His eyes snapped back to Hiten's and suddenly he was more hungry than ever.  
"Do you want to go get something to eat?" A bit taken aback, Hiten thought about this proposal for a long moment before complying.

"Sure, just don't let me forget that I have group session in an hour."

* * *

Bankotsu wandered down twentieth street, his eyes settling on nothing in particular. Autumn had already begun to rain leaves upon the streets. The trees, speckled with golden and auburn hues, sparkled down at him as the sun blinked golden and warm. But he barely noticed this. Everything had lost its shine to him. Since graduating High School he had been in a funk. He had yet to even move from his parents house, even though his college classes were going to begin that very day.

He still couldn't shake the dread and depression from the previous months. Everything seemed full of gloom, everyone seemed full of malice. He met eyes with the strangers passing him on the streets. Each one would either hurry off, pretending not to have noticed him or would nod slightly in a pathetic attempt at polite acknowledgement.

He hated this city. He hated these people. But still he found himself wandering onward, knowing that it wouldn't do to ditch the very prestigious university that had finally accepted him.  
"oh yeah…" he mumbled to himself, as a new thought occurred to him. He paused, fidgeting with the official-looking documents in his pocket. "I don't even have my textbook for this class…"

He had passed many bookstores already, but none seemed to tickle his fancy. Nothing ever pleased him lately, as a matter of fact. For a moment he thought of Jakotsu, unconscious in that pale, sterilized bed. The purple bruises on his wrists and neck, the dirty brown word shining against his flawless porcelain skin.

Bankotsu had only visited him once, and Jakotsu had not regained consciousness before he turned and left the hospital. He couldn't look at him anymore. That radiant, precious creature that his own 'friends" had assaulted. He couldn't bring himself to look at Jakotsu. He couldn't bring himself to stop at the bookstores… The depression seemed to have set in, refusing to relinquish its hold on his spirits.

"What's the point?" He muttered to himself.  
Again he considered turning down one of the avenues and heading back home. But he thought better of it and instead doubled back, intending to revisit one of the bookstores he had passed.

His mind was filled with thoughts of his lover, who had left the hospital weeks ago to head to Kiyoto, where he had been accepted into an art academy. They were separated by many miles. It would take at least a full day by train to reach him again. But Bankotsu could not go there anyway. If he did then he knew he wouldn't be able to leave again. So strong was his desire to be with the man he loved… So much was his hatred for this city.

He wanted suddenly to call his lover, just to hear his voice again. Smiling at the thought of Jakotsu answering the phone with his usual "Hello Beautiful", Bankotsu hurried across the street. "If anyone is beautiful, he chuckled to himself "it's h- hey that's my book…" He stared in disbelief at the shop in front of him. The textbook for the class he was supposed to be attending today was displayed in the front window.  
Seeing this, he decided that not buying it at this point would be foolish. So he shuffled inside, through the crowd of his fellow students. The store was positively packed, and despite his immediate desire to leave, he found himself shuffled along by the many overenthusiastic employees.

Finally he was able to stumble out of the store, carrying not one but three new textbooks, as well as a couple of folders and stationary he had been talked into. Balancing his awkward purchases, he hurried down the street, realizing that he would soon be late to class. "I hate this fucking crowded city, with all these stupid people!" He grit out bitterly, rounding the corner of twelfth. But just as these words left his frowning lips, Bankotsu collided, quite painfully with one of these 'stupid people'. He hit the ground hard, his textbooks and folders clattering down all around him.

"Itai!" the hiss left him almost involuntarily as he winced up at his attacker. "Watch where you're…" He trailed off, immediately feeling his cheeks heat up as he stared up at the most beautiful man he'd ever seen.

"I'm so sorry!" The man bowed, silver hair cascading around his shoulders as he knelt to scoop up the fallen books. "I don't know where my head was," he mumbled, hanging his head in shame. He reached out to help Bankotsu up, but the younger man did not take it. He merely stared up at this gorgeous stranger, having lost his voice. Radiant golden eyes met with timid blue and Bankotsu, his anger forgotten, uttered a quick word of thanks, before shutting his mouth tightly. He looked away from those eyes, taking his hand gingerly. As that strong, clawed hand grasped his own, Bankotsu flushed redder still, hoping that this beautiful stranger could not feel his rapid pulse. He stood easily with the man's help, the pain of the fall seeming to melt away as his light pink lips perked up into a quirky grin. "Hey, I guess you're my classmate then!"

Bankotsu cocked his head, eyeing the book the other man was now holding up. "I was just on my way to buy this one! Psychology 101 right?"  
The younger man nodded, thinking that his luck was finally changing. "Banryuu university?"

"Yep," The other nodded, "I'm Miyagi Inuyasha" He held out his hand again, sharing a firm handshake with his newfound classmate. "You can call me Bankotsu," he offered, finally opening up to the other man. He didn't like being called by his last name anyway…

"Then you can call me Inuyasha," the other laughed, "Though usually that's my girlfriend's job".

"Inuyasha-san", he repeated weakly, flattered.  
Inuyasha passed the stack of textbooks over to their rightful owner, grinning broadly as he began to walk away. "I'll see you in class then, Bankotsu-san!"

Unable to stop himself, Bankotsu took the few steps backwards and watched his fleeting form. Little strands of silver whipped out of his sight as the gorgeous man disappeared into the very bookstore Bankotsu had just left.

Just as quickly as he had appeared, Inuyasha was gone.

"Wow…" Having uttered this, Bankotsu turned swiftly and headed directly back to his house.  
He retreated to his room and lie on his bed, watching the clock tick away the minutes he had just promised he would spend in Psychology class.

'So people like that still exist in this world…' He pondered this to himself, eyes wandering over to the photograph of his former lover. It still stood proudly on his dresser, though the two had not seen each other in months. This photo depicted the single most radiant man he had ever met.  
The radiant happiness that he hadn't felt for so long.  
Even going so far as to skip his graduation, Bankotsu had become a recluse after the incident at his high school. He didn't want any friends. But this Inuyasha-san seemed different somehow.  
Perhaps this new college wouldn't be so bad after all.

He wondered vaguely if Inuyasha-san would sit next to him in class the following day.  
Or perhaps in lunch… He felt something new and beautiful growing inside of him again, a sensation he hadn't felt in months.  
Thoughtfully he flipped open his cell phone, staring at the luminescent background as he hit speed dial one.  
A familiar voice answered almost immediately, causing his heart to flutter wildly in his chest.

"Hello, Beautiful."


	5. Honesty

disclaimer

I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, Suzaku, Hiten or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.

I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.

I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.

- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

(AN. As always, please Read, Review, and most importantly, Enjoy. )

**Not For All the World  
**

**Chapter Five: Honesty; Little White Boxes, and Something Like Love.**

"Argh- This is so boring!"

Hiten sighed, raising an eyebrow at his friend who had just banged a fist onto the lunch table.  
"I can't stand this stupid program…"  
There was a general murmur of agreement from the group of friends around them. Half a dozen men and women, all of different ages had gathered around, participating in a study group led by Hiten. They were supposed to be completing various written exercises at the request of their instructor, but after an hour of similar complaints they hadn't gotten anywhere.

"Kaguya, complaining about it isn't going to make it any more tolerable" He replied, rolling his eyes at the girl before him. She scoffed, tossing back her long blue hair with a flick of the wrist.  
"We've been doing these same stupid exercises for a month now!"  
One of the other girls piped up in total agreement, "Yeah, how can they call this an anger management program if all they do is give us menial exercises to piss us off more?!"

"Let's try a different one then," one of the boys offered, sifting through the many assignments they had been given. He chose one and passed it over to Hiten, explaining. "This one's not so boring. It says, 'answer all of the following personal questions with complete truth. Reflect on this truth to better yourself'."

At this there was an overwhelming amount of agreement from the group even alongside the derisive laughter. "Oh, I'll read the questions!" Kaguya announced, snatching the list out of Hiten's hand. "Question one, she began, reading aloud, 'Are you gay?' "

"That's not what it says" He growled, rolling his eyes as his friends began to laugh.  
"I read the first one already and I know it asks about hygiene!"

"Fine," She conceded, eyeballing the many other questions on the page, "Question seventeen: Have you ever lied under oath?"

"Yep."

As the others leaned in, suddenly excited, Kaguya laughed wickedly, prodding nosily further, "Really?! About what?"

"About my sanity, duh." Hiten replied, sounding almost bored, "How do you think I wound up here? The judge thought I was off my rocker and sent me here with you loonies."

"I am not a loony!" Kaguya replied hotly, even as the others laughed off this insult.  
"Then why are you here?" One wondered, and all eyes turned to the blue-haired self-proclaimed queen of the Anger Management division.  
"I wound up here because my stupid husband thinks I have Histrionic Personality Disorder…"

At this the group became even more excited.  
"Are you serious?!"  
"I knew it!"  
Despite her fury Hiten nodded along with them. "He might've been onto something! Everything you say is all about sex! That's a pretty good sign, you know; the fact that you act like a whore."

"Hypocrite!" she seethed, scanning the page to try to find a more humiliating question.  
"Ever cheated on your spouse?"

"Don't have one."

"Ever slept with someone you didn't have any romantic feelings for?"

"Yep."

"Ever lusted after someone else's spouse?"

"Yep."

"Have you no shame?!"

"Nope."

"That wasn't a question!" She fumed. The others were laughing again, and it suddenly occurred to her that Hiten's popularity was pretty impressive. Men and women alike showed him glowing admiration, even among this group of supposedly "loony" people. The way he acted was so infuriating! He always had a cocky grin plastered on his face, and even when he said things that should have been embarrassing or shameful to admit, he still seemed aloof. Nothing seemed to phase him. Either that, or he was just a damn good liar…

"Sorry," Hiten offered, smiling around at his friends.  
He made to ask for the next question, but at that moment something new caught his eye.  
His face fell into a puzzled, curious expression and his friends noticed immediately.  
Kaguya turned, along with the other members of his posse and beheld the source of this sudden distraction. It was a solemn-looking, red-headed man who sat across the way. He was at his own empty table, completely alone in the crowded, noisy cafeteria.

"Midari, Suzaku" one of the girls whispered, and a hush fell about the group.  
"He's so weird…"  
"I heard he's a real psycho."  
"Didn't they say he tried to kill his father?"  
"Or was it his mother?"  
"No way!"  
"Who cares?"  
"He's so mysterious…"  
"And he's so gorgeous…"

Hiten hardly heard these comments because he was totally distracted by Suzaku's hands, which seemed to be clasped tightly over some small treasure. His head was bowed, staring down at them, completely transfixed on whatever it was he held. "I wonder what he's looking at?" Hiten mused, and at this the group turned again, each trying to get a peek at the little object.

"A box." One of them finally discovered, "A white box."

"Oh, I bet it's a gift from his lover!" One of the girls squealed. She was the same girl who had called Suzaku gorgeous. "What a lucky girl…"

"Yeah right!" Kaguya scoffed, drawing the attention back to herself. "That guy has got to be a total fruit!"  
"You liar!" The girl pouted, and she wasn't the only one this time.  
"Just because he's way more gorgeous than you!" Another teased and the boys began to laugh.

"Kaguya's right."

A hush fell over the group as they turned to look at Hiten, who was still watching their mysterious redhead. "I knew him back in high school. He's definitely gay."

"And there you have it!" Kaguya piped proudly as the other girls fumed, "Now lets get back to paying attention to me!" Grudgingly they continued, each taking turns answering her questions with honesty. When it finally came time for Hiten to answer, Kaguya drilled him again, amused by his nonchalant replies. He answered quickly and simply, though his eyes were still focused on the mysterious man across the way.

"Ever stolen money?"

"Nope."

"Ever stolen someone else's date?"

"Yep."

"Ever lusted after one of your friends?"

"Yep."

"Are you lusting after one now?"

"Nope."

"Are you lying?"

"Yep."

"Really?!"  
The group shook with laughter as Hiten finally met Kaguya's eyes with an annoyed glare.  
He sighed inwardly at having to tear his eyes from the lovely Suzaku, who was now brushing his long, flowing hair… "Nope, just wanted to see you wig out."

At this Kaguya seethed, dropping the list. "You're such a liar! It's no fun playing with you!"

"Then don't fuck with me." he replied simply, turning again to watch his old high school friend. Now Suzaku was twirling the little white gift box in his fingers. His painted pink lips were moving, and Hiten couldn't help but wonder whether he was talking to himself or the box he seemed to covet.

"You know, that guy really is psycho."

Hiten turned, regarding the guy who had spoken for a moment before returning his eyes to the curious redhead. "Think so?"

"Oh yes," Kaguya interjected, lowering her voice and leaning in closer to the group. "They say he has entire conversations with himself. Just like those crazy people you see on TV! He's got voices in his head or something, that's why no one ever sits with him!"

Many gasps and squeals issued among the group, but Hiten only laughed, waving her off.  
"Get real. I talk to him sometimes. He's spacey, sure, but I seriously doubt he's any crazier than the rest of us. They'd keep him locked up if he was."

"Maybe they keep him doped up." Kaguya whispered, pointing dramatically at the solitary redhead. "See the bandages on his arms? I bet that's where they stick the needles!"

"It's like high school all over again." Hiten sighed, annoyed. "Gossip, gossip and more gossip. No one ever really knows what's true and what's not…"

"You could ask him," One of the girls piped up, and the others immediately grew excited. "Yeah! You're the only one whose ever had the balls to talk to him!"  
"Do it, Raiyuki!"  
"Go ask for us…"

Hiten thought this over, admitting inwardly that they were probably right. Suzaku didn't seem the type to spill his secrets to just anyone...  
He was curious, but decided it would be better not to ask.

"I would if I gave a fuck." At hearing this, the group settled down, disappointed.  
"How very noble of you," Kaguya scoffed, becoming bored again as she flipped through the list of awkward personal questions. "Raiyuki, you ever paid money for sex?"

"Nope."

"Would you?"

"Yep."

"Ever slept with someone of your own sex?"

"Nope."

"Would you?"

"Yep."

"Really!?"

Finally Hiten stood, taking the list from her as his friends shook with laughter.  
"I think I've had enough of this shit." Many of the others agreed and began to leave, but Kaguya was not so easily persuaded. "Come on up to my room, Raiyuki!" She insisted, causing many of the other girls to scoff and scowl. They stalked off angrily, but Hiten merely declined the offer with a snap of "Yeah right." He then gathered together the paperwork he needed to finish and stood as well.

"Just for a little while!" She persisted, standing up and catching hold of his arm. "Come on! We can go up to my room and have a private study session of our own…" Rolling his eyes, Hiten finally gave in and allowed her to pull him along. Kaguya whipped around in a flurry of pride but unfortunately this swift movement caused her to knock right into someone else. Her lunch plates clattered to the ground and she let out a scream as cold coffee splashed the front of her blouse.  
"Midari!" She hissed, recognizing the man she'd just crashed into. But the strange redhead only stood there. Apparently he had been totally distracted, whispering to himself out loud as he clutched the little white box, and he didn't even seem to care that she had crashed into him and made such a mess.

Those distant green eyes scanned the scene with no interest, but when they fell upon his former classmate, he suddenly spoke.

"Hello Hiten!"

Hiten blushed furiously at this overly familiar greeting, but collected himself quickly so that he could help Kaguya wipe the coffee off the front of her blouse. "Hello yourself, Midari-san,"  
He mumbled, "But don't you think it's Kaguya you should be speaking to?"

"Yeah!" Kaguya snapped, stooping to pick up her plates. "How can you just hit an innocent lady like that?!"

"Oh my goodness!"  
The redhead started, as if he had just realized she existed. "You're a woman?!"

Kaguya gaped, affronted, but Hiten couldn't help but laugh at this. "You've only just noticed?!"  
Suzaku flushed red with embarrassment and bowed his head. "I'm so sorry!"  
"You're so spacey!" Hiten corrected, carelessly tossing the now broken plates into the trash bins and turning to leave. "And now if you will excuse us Mr. Armstrong…"

"Wait!"  
Suzaku caught his wrist automatically, mumbling in quick, intense embarrassment as he pressed something small into the palm of his friend's hand.  
"Please, take this!"

"Hmm?" Hiten stared, dumbfounded. It was the little white box! "This is… for me?"

Suzaku nodded, his head bowed so low that his long red bangs completely covered his face.  
Speechless, Hiten stared down at it, wondering what could possibly be inside. He had watched Suzaku for at least ten minutes, obsessing over the little box, yet now he had completely switched gears and turned the little treasure into a gift.

"But don't open it, yet…" The redhead whispered, refusing to look up at him. "Not until I leave this place, for good."

"Um, okay?"

The three of them stood there with the awkward silence hanging above them for a moment, and Kaguya was the first to finally head on her way.  
Hiten hesitated. He knew she wanted him to follow her, but for some reason he could not bring himself to do so. "I'll catch up with you another day," he told her, bowing in apology.  
She merely stalked off in humiliated silence, leaving the two men standing there alone.

The lunch crowd was clearing out all around them now and the dinnertime desserts were already being stacked up on the buffet table. "Dessert." The redhead whispered this with an air of excitement, and Hiten immediately attempted to break the ice. "Shall I get you some, Midari-san?" he heard himself ask.

Suzaku nodded, still looking as if he might die of humiliation, so Hiten left him, wandering instead over to the newly prepared desserts. He chose different ones at random, filling up a plate with slices of pies and cakes. His mind was racing, concentrated only on that little box. Why would Suzaku give him a present? Normally they didn't even see each other outside of the large group therapy sessions. Sometimes they met and ate lunch together, simply because they were bored or lonely. But most of the time the strange redhead avoided Hiten and his friends. He seemed content with being alone. Hiten remembered seeing him many times, sitting by himself in the cafeteria for hours on end with his coffee mug and little slices of cake. And now that he thought about it, he remembered seeing the little white box as well. How long had Suzaku been holding onto it? Had he been biding his time all along, waiting for his chance to finally give it away?

'Hiten probably thinks I'm a stalker…'

Suzaku watched thoughtfully from his own empty table as the former football star collected the desserts. When Hiten turned back, he looked away, timidly, but inside he was practically bursting with joy. He had only meant to give Hiten a gift and then leave, but instead they would now be able to talk and share dessert! He wondered vaguely over what types Hiten would choose, but decided he didn't care either way.  
Each time Hiten moved, his beautiful black braid would swing, but only slightly. It caught the fluorescent lights now and again, and Suzaku marveled at how lovely it would look outside in the bright sun. The object of his observation turned around, and Suzaku busied himself in a hurry, pretending he had been stirring his coffee. But once Hiten had taken the seat across from him, he looked up again.  
"Can I have that one?" He asked, suddenly excited as he reached for the pink strawberry cupcake. Hiten laughed, noting the color of the little cake.

"Queer."

Suzaku started, suddenly embarrassed by his love for strawberry sweets. "Never mind…"  
Hiten's bright brown eyes met his, and he set the little white box down on the table.  
"Are you like, stalking me or something?"

'Figures…'  
Suzaku shook his elegant head, his loose red hair slid smoothly against his shoulders as he took a sip of his coffee. "Just bought a gift for an old friend…"  
He smiled, despite the unconvinced look on Hiten's face. That was all he had to say of the matter…

"I appreciate the thought anyway," The dark haired youth conceded as he pocketed the little white box. Suzaku was probably not going to explain himself anyway. He was just weird like that. Weird, but very amusing nonetheless..

"You're so weird, Midari-san," He mused aloud, "But I guess I'd rather talk to you than that Kaguya girl."

Suzaku blushed, immediately apologizing. "I'm sorry if I interrupted your date!"

"Nah," The younger man conceded, "She's just some histrionic slut I met in group session."

"Oh," The redhead sighed, sounding relieved. His curious eyes fell upon the messy pile of documents Hiten had been carrying around and he raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow, indicating them. "What's all this?"

"Work," He replied, "That I don't feel like doing. But I carry it around anyway."

"From your group sessions?"

He nodded, pulling out the list that he was supposed to be writing answers on. "I meant to at least finish this one, but my friends are always too busy joking around to help me with it."

"I can…" Suzaku reached out, taking the list from him. It consisted of three stapled pages with many questions typed neatly in a row. "Honesty: the key to the cure." He read aloud, smiling, "seems like a useful little survey."

"You think honesty is such a big deal?" He questioned, watching as those curious eyes scanned down the list of questions. "Well I guess," Suzaku nodded, "Sometimes it's helpful, but sometimes its not. Just like everything else in the world… But these questions… They are awful."  
Hiten chuckled, sampling a piece of the blueberry pie he had picked out.  
"Because people are awful…"

"When's the last time you took advantage of someone close to you?" Suzaku quoted, his red eyebrows raised so high that they were in danger of disappearing into his bangs.  
"How often do you find yourself hurting the people you love?"

"All the time," Hiten replied, digging a pen out of his bag and handing it over to his friend.  
Suzaku looked at it, dubiously, but took it anyway and copied his words onto the blank lines provided.  
"Go ahead, ask away." Hiten offered, catching the curious look in his eyes.

"Um, I'd rather not pry."

"Yeah right." He waved the other man's modesty off like an irksome fly, "Ask me anything.  
I'll take it as a challenge to stick to this stupid honesty program."

"You actually follow the program?" Suzaku pondered, looking over his cocky companion.  
Hiten was silent now, perhaps he was enjoying that blueberry pie… His tight, pale lips slid closed over the plastic fork as his eyes stared off at nothing. His features were sharp and handsome. Hiten had very thin eyes, much like those of a cat. They were small and chocolate colored, like wet glass marbles. Three small red jewels had been tattooed in the center of his forehead, perfectly accentuated by the widow's peak which caused his slick black bangs to fall in a curve that seemed to breathe life into the little shapes.  
The rest of his long black hair was tied back in a tight braid which hung so low that it was only half visible from his seat at the table.

Suzaku knew all of these things because he'd studied this man's looks many times.  
Hiten was often the object of his rapt attention. His tongue slid languidly along those little pointed prongs; enrapturing. Exquisite.

"Do you have a lover?"  
He hadn't meant to ask it out loud, but Hiten didn't seem to mind.

"Nope." He replied simply, frowning at the surprise on Suzaku's face.  
"What?"

"Well…" He was almost whispering now, suddenly embarrassed again. "I always thought you were dating the football captain; Bankotsu. The way you used to look at him…"

At this Hiten started, completely taken aback. "What's that supposed to mean?!" He demanded, firing up at once. But Suzaku backed off immediately, bowing his head in shame.  
"I'm sorry."

"No- don't be" Hiten conceded, silently reprimanding himself. He had asked Suzaku to pry and then scolded him for it. "I'm no good at this whole honesty thing," He confessed, suddenly embarrassed by the way he'd acted. "You're kind of right. Bankotsu and I were very close. Maybe he was… something…"  
He let out the breath he hadn't meant to hold and silence fell between the two of them. Somehow it felt kind of nice to admit his true feelings. He'd never been able to say it before…  
"Something like love. Maybe…"

Suzaku looked up, fixing his eyes on the deep chocolate-colored ones before him.  
"Then it probably was love."

At this Hiten started again, demanding at once that the younger man shut his mouth.  
Suzaku laughed at the sudden return of his embarrassed fury.  
"Is that why you're in the program? For your temper?" He questioned, remembering something he'd heard a while back. "You know, someone once told me you got expelled for beating up a girl."

"Rumors..." Hiten scoffed, annoyed. "Funny how they spread like wildfires, while the truth seems to have lost his beeper…"

Suzaku wasn't surprised to hear that it was all a rumor, since this man seemed to be such a secretive badass. But still he was curious. "Then what did you do to be put into this detention center?…"

Hiten turned away from him, wondering if he should answer truthfully or not. His eyes fell absently on his own wrists. The bandages wrapped around them were beginning to irk him. Not only were they tight and restricting with their sickening scent of antiseptic, but they were in the way of his most fervent obsession.

"Cutting." He finally forced it out with a wry smile. Again he felt relief at getting the truth off his chest, even as he stared down at the self-inflicted injuries he hated so much.  
For reasons even he couldn't explain, he still wanted to cut himself up. He wanted to find the nearest blade and pull it across the pale flesh, again and again… Cutting was a compulsion he felt, especially when he reached the point where he was too angry to think.

"That's a bad habit."

He tore his gaze away from his infuriatingly hidden wrists to glare at his effeminate companion, who had leaned over to look closer at the bandages.  
"They say it takes five years at the least to get out of cutting. It's all about the brain you know; years afterward you'll still be hooked on the endorphins…"

"Don't lecture me, Midari!" Hiten scoffed, "Don't think I've forgotten how you were in high school! With all of your big words and theories and your perfect grades, you could be anywhere, and yet here you are with me in this shit-hole. You never even talk to anyone about what kind of illness you have. You never participate in group sessions either! Instead you sit in this cafeteria all day, surrounded by all these idiots that whisper behind your back; saying you're just some psycho."

Suzaku fell silent, a little bit touched by the fact that Hiten didn't seem to share that opinion. Inadvertently he had just managed to call him smart and down to earth…  
"So, you don't think I'm a psycho?" He asked, genuinely curious. And to his relief the other man shook his head. "I will show you psycho."

Hiten grinned wickedly, beginning to rip off the bandages that covered his entire left arm.

"This is what I'm here for…" He paused, wincing as the bandage stuck to the wound beneath it. "They booked me because they thought that I cut someone up, just like I did this arm. The little bastard almost died…"

Shocked emerald eyes widened as Suzaku beheld the cuts running down the younger man's newly exposed left arm. Ruby scars glistened up in jagged, deliberate curves, crudely forming the kanji of a name.

"Bankotsu." He read, looking up at the positively twisted grin on the other man's face.  
"So you did love him…"

Hiten nodded, tracing his fingers over the mess he'd made out of his arm.  
"Something like that, I guess," He finally admitted. "Something like love. So this is like his consolation prize… Even though I would rather have cut up my chest.  
I wanted it to look like his…"

"Like his?" Suzaku echoed, staring transfixed at those cuts. "Bankotsu has them?"

"No, Jakotsu. He had cuts just like this, except they spelled 'faggot'."

"Queen Jakotsu?!"

Hiten nodded, surprised that he knew. "Weren't you pulled out of school before any of that even happened?"

"Jakotsu writes to me all the time…" Suzaku explained, "I can't believe anyone would hurt such a sweet creature!"

At this Hiten merely laughed, tugging on his long black bangs. "Sweet creature, eh? Seems like everyone loved him…." he whispered, shaking his head as he recalled that effeminate man. "Except the football team of course."

"How could you?!" Suzaku huffed, suddenly cross.  
"You stupid jocks think its okay to just attack people like that?!"  
Hiten shook his head, not looking up. "Why do you think I'm here? This is…"  
He ran his fingers along the deep scarlet cuts, his voice falling to a sad, barely audible whisper.  
"My atonement…"

Suzaku turned away from him, even as his heart began to ache for the pain in his voice.  
"Coward."

"Yeah," Hiten almost chuckled, "I know it's stupid to take things out on other people."  
He lay his head on the table, exasperated and allowed his forehead to rest on the designs he'd carved into his own arm. "You know.. Bankotsu wont even speak to me anymore…"

Suzaku stared at him, wondering over his sudden matter-of-fact tone. He had known this man since grade school, even though they were not very close, and had even met with him on more than one occasion to have lunch. Yet it struck him now that he knew very little about Hiten.  
It was upsetting to hear that someone he admired might have hurt his very best friend; Jakotsu. But somehow Suzaku couldn't help but feel that the miserable man before him may have been punished enough already… Hadn't Hiten also lost the one he loved by his own foolish actions?

Isn't that exactly what had happened to Suzaku himself?  
Thoughts of his family came to mind then, even as he willed them away. He remembered waking up at the scene of the crime without an inkling of how he had gotten there. He remembered the sound of his mother sobbing and the blood on his hands. But nothing else…

The memories faded away, thankfully and he turned to regard Hiten. "Did you actually do it?" He asked, unable to stop himself, "You put Jakotsu in the hospital with your own hands?"

"What difference does it make?" Came the mumbled reply. "I belong here anyway."  
He gave a derisive laugh, "I'm supposed to be here for the anger management therapy. But maybe it's me who's the real psycho…"

Suzaku said nothing.

"It's okay if you hate me now ," Hiten sighed, sounding tired. He fell silent, running a finger over the bloodied name on his arm. "I know he does..."

Suzaku thought this over for a moment, carefully avoiding his eyes.  
"Assault with a deadly weapon," He quoted, "that's the reason I'm here as well."

"Must be kismet." Hiten scoffed, suddenly noticing his companion's more lightly bandaged wrists.  
"Anyway, you gonna eat that?" Hiten had sat up, and Suzaku marveled at his sudden upbeat tone. He wondered if Hiten had changed the subject on purpose, but looked to where he was pointing anyway. It was a chocolate cupcake; one of the desserts they were supposed to be sharing. Suzaku had put it on his own plate, but had no intention of eating it.

Suzaku shrugged, plopping the little brown cupcake into the other man's hand.  
"I hate chocolate."

"Well I hate strawberry."

Suzaku sighed as his companion stood, cleaning up his plates and walked away without a wave or a glance.  
It was as if their conversation had never taken place.  
But as he turned back to his now cold coffee, a small smile graced his painted lips.

There sat the little pink cupcake, right in the center of his plate.

He was happy. He had finally been able to have an honest conversation. But somehow he couldn't get the sight of those horrid cuts out of his head.

'Something like love.'

(An. 2: For the record... In this chapter, Hiten mentions Histrionic Personality Disorder. I would therefore like to offer a disclaimer and a reminder to keep in mind that in a group, Hiten acts like what some might call a "douchebag". Histrionic Personality Disorder can be a truly painful experience for the Histrionic herself and her family and friends that are impacted by her outlandish behavior. The 'Slutty behavior' as Hiten calls it is a reference to a Histrionic's symptomatic and oftentimes inappropriate attempt to seek attention. Kaguya is truly Histrionic and displays this very symptom. We see this play out when she invites Hiten up to her room, despite the fact that she has already told him that she has a husband. But I would like to point out that not all Histrionics are women, and not all of them display this telltale 'slutty' behavior. )


	6. The White Box: Opened

disclaimer  
I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, Suzaku, Hiten or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.  
(Although I wish I did own those adorable, wonderful, super kawaii, sexy little sons of...ahem! anyways)  
I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.  
I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.  
- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

(AN2. lol! Why do I have so many hits and so few reviews? Plz share the love people! I want to hear what you think! Here is chapter six. Please enjoy. Also, Please check out the link on my profile if you'd like to see pictures of what Midari Suzaku looks like. He's gorgeous.)

**Not For All The World**

**Chapter Six:** **The White Box: Opened**

Jakotsu hopped up onto his bed, kicking his shoes off nonchalantly as his roommate, Naraku followed him into the room. "I hate that class…" The exhausted art student whined, "oil pastels always ruin my skirt!"

"Perhaps we should take painting instead?" His roommate offered, sitting beside him. "Paints are much easier, just like liquid eyeliner."

"They're even more messy!"

Jakotsu sat up, suddenly noticing a thick white envelope on his desk. "You checked the mail?" He asked, picking it up and examining it. "Oh wow, it's from Su-Chan!"

"Who?" Naraku wondered, peeking nosily over his shoulder. "Who's Su-Chan?"

"Only my best friend ever!; Midari Suzaku" Jakotsu replied, ripping the envelope open with glee. "I haven't talked to him since high school!" But he frowned suddenly as he unfolded the letter. It was written in girly, pink hiragana that he could barely decipher. "you can tell he never talks to people!" He whined, showing Naraku the letter.

But his cocky companion only laughed, snatching it away from him. "Lucky for you, I have many chickens for pen pals!" He looked over the letter, smiling proudly. "This is so easy! Allow me to read it to you, ne?"

Jakotsu nodded, lying back lazily, perfectly happy with letting Naraku do all the work.  
"What would I do without you?"

Naraku cleared his throat, reading the letter aloud with ease.

"Dearest Queen Jakotsu, I think I am in love…"

"What?!" Jakotsu bolted upright at the first sentence, suddenly immensely interested.  
"With who??"

"Pipe down!" Naraku groaned, trying to pry his effeminate companion from his back.  
"Just let me read it!" With obvious effort Jakotsu made himself sit still, but peered insistently over his roommate's shoulder, reading along.

"The fall is approaching fast. The trees are becoming bare and everything looks dead. It's so ugly outside. But the one I love says that now is the most beautiful time of year. 'The leaves are the same color as your hair,' that's what he says. Ugly red leaves. Not nearly as beautiful as his hair. I think he likes me. He plays it off, but I know he thinks of me all the time. Sometimes even when we are far away I feel that he is thinking of me. We are not allowed to be together at night yet, but I hope he is dreaming of me. I dream of him.  
I'm sorry. I don't mean to ramble on about him. I will tell you about myself instead."

At this point Naraku paused, laughing as he poked a teasing finger into his roommate's side. "This guy sounds just like you! Fawning over Bankotsu all the time!"

"Shut up!" He scoffed, but his cheeks had turned a telling red. "Read it, read it!"

"Alright, don't get your panties in a bunch," Naraku sneered, continuing

"I don't feel sick anymore. I feel strong and free. I take my medicine every night. It helps me sleep, but all the time I dream only of him. Surely this is love. But I'm also worried that they will release me from this place soon. My counselor is proud. She keeps saying I'm getting better. She talks about full recovery, but I know it's all a lie. There's no cure for this. I'm smart enough to notice the looks all the doctors give me. But it doesn't matter because he is here. I have never felt as alive as I do now, not even before I found out how sick I was."

Jakotsu caught his roommate's eye at this point, but shook his head. "I have no clue what kind of illness he has. Last time he wrote he said he couldn't remember what happened. He just woke up in handcuffs… It's something in his head."

"Sounds like it's pretty serious. But look here! He doesn't say anything else about it! Too busy talking about that boy again! No wonder the two of you are best friends."

Jakotsu sighed, urging him to finish the letter, even though Naraku was laughing as he continued to read.

"He is the reason I breathe. I gave him something very precious. I wish I was stronger inside so I could tell him the truth. If only you could see him. I know you never got along back then, but he is so different now, I promise. He is so beautiful with that constant smile and that arrogant way he talks. It's so sexy. Maybe I haven't changed after all!  
Ne, Ja-chan, do you remember when we would watch the boys at school and whisper about them? Do you remember back when I thought I liked girls? We were so young then. Now we are adults, ne? Have you changed much? I don't think you ever will. I hope this letter has found its way safely to you. I hope that you are feeling stronger too. How long were you in the hospital?  
I felt sick when I realized you had been hurt. My heart felt so much pain that I cried like a baby.  
I remember back then, whenever I needed to cry you were there. You loved me. Maybe you're the only one. Mom and Dad still haven't written to me, but that's okay cuz I already know you will.

Tomorrow I will see him again. I can't stand to think that soon I will have to leave him. But when I do I will come to college with you. You're already enrolled in M university aren't you? I certainly hope so. It's an excellent art school. I love art, but even that doesn't make me happy like he does. How stupid is that? He's just a boy. Just a stupid, mean jock from Kouryu high. But he's all I think about.

I will go to sleep now, and hold this letter close to my heart, just like I used to hold you.  
I love you. I hope that your Bankotsu makes you feel like I am feeling now.

I hope he makes your heart smile."

"He's so sweet." Jakotsu sighed, taking his letter back from his stunned roommate.

"A jock?" Naraku repeated, floored "that girly guy is in love with a jock! What did you do, Jakotsu, clone yourself?!"

"Yes," He replied with a sarcastic laugh. "I've known Suzaku since we were tiny and everyone always said he was just my little redhead clone." He sat at his computer, eager to begin typing up his response to the letter. "Now I shall demand that my clone come to college with me and confess the name of this boy he loves so much!"

"Ah, the boring affairs of clone queers," Naraku sighed, wandering off, "I think I'd rather go visit my Sesshoumaru…"

* * *

-----------

"Well, hello Queermo!"

Suzaku took his seat beside his cocky, grinning companion. He had meant to sit alone and write another entry in his diary, but couldn't resist the temptation. For some odd reason, Hiten was sitting alone in the cafeteria during the lunch rush so Suzaku joined him. Hiten had seemed a little bit moody lately, and even as he smiled up at Suzaku, he continued in a strained voice. "Eat this for me wouldja?" Suzaku held out his hand and accepted the gift. It was a large, chocolate-dipped strawberry.

"Where'd you get this?" He wondered, taking a bite out of the delicious little gift.

"One of my fans," Hiten replied, "ever since Kaguya told my friends about that box you gave me I've been getting stupid little presents from all of these girls."

"Oh…" Suzaku thought this over, putting his stuff down. "I'm sorry if I've caused you trouble."

"No, it's not your fault or anything…" Hiten sighed, "But girls are so hard to deal with, you know? They come up and pour their heart out to you, and even if you don't even know who the hell they are you still feel bad turning them down." He raised an eyebrow and Suzaku wondered if he might be trying to throw him a hint. He shrugged off this worry however, and replied with the strawberry pressed happily against his lips.

"Oh, I wouldn't know anything about such things…" He turned away from those chocolate-brown eyes, reminiscing, "But it's just like old times, ne? All through high school you were so popular with the ladies..."

"I guess," came his almost disgusted reply. "But I never liked dating. Women are so sappy and stupid. They fall all over themselves and always ask you the sappiest things. Like 'have you ever fallen in love?' or 'do you think you'd want to raise a family?' That shit is so lame! Seriously! What kind of guy would want to think about making a family before he even goes to college?!"

"The stupid kind," Suzaku replied, and suddenly Hiten laughed.

"You're always so full of shit, Midari!" He stood up, craning to see what type of lunch was being served. "I think I will have lunch with you after all."

"I'm full of shit," Suzaku repeated, nonplussed. Hiten said it like it was a compliment… Suzaku turned and watched him wander off without another word. "Or maybe he was being sarcastic?" He finished off the strawberry as he watched Hiten agonize over the selection of deli meats. For some reason Hiten seemed more uptight than usual. He didn't usually complain so much, and he had never talked about women before since he knew Suzaku wasn't interested in them.

What had gotten into him? Maybe something was pissing him off… He'd been acting strangely for days. Maybe it had something to do with those girls?

Suzaku laughed wryly, recalling his own words and despising himself for how ironic his life was. 'The stupid kind,' He really was full of shit. To Suzaku love was like oxygen. But he could never admit that, especially to Hiten… He put a finger to his frowning lips as he observed the beautiful object of his secret lust.  
'Those girls. I can relate to them. A family huh? Letting Hiten knock you up would probably be the only way to keep a guy like that…"

He shook his head, even as his hands instinctively pressed against his own flat stomach.  
How nice it would be to have a uterus… He'd only have to seduce Hiten one time, and then he would have him for the next 18 years at least.  
"I am the most despicable, pathetic excuse for a human being..."

He flipped open his diary and recorded that thought, and suddenly he wondered what his psychiatrist would have to say about this entry. It had turned out very depressing, and just about everything he wrote lately was all about Hiten… "Hope my angel wouldn't actually read this shit…"

"Read what?"

He started, slamming the little book shut as Hiten returned, regaining his seat with a full plate of sandwiches and fruit. "My diary," he answered, showing him the little book. "My angel makes me write in it now, because it's good for me or whatever…"

"Who's your angel?" Hiten pried, fixing Suzaku with a dubious look, "You've got a lover?"

"As if," the redhead laughed, "Freaks like me never have lovers."  
He said this with an air of humor, but Hiten didn't laugh. Maybe it was his imagination, but he could have sworn Hiten looked troubled at hearing such a thing…  
"Anyway, my angel is my female psychiatrist."

Suddenly Hiten chuckled, mocking the way he said 'female' and for a moment he was back to his sarcastic, cocky old self. "Eww, females," He teased, stabbing into his fruit cocktail with a fork. "Lookit, Midari. I just put a fork in your ass! Get it?! Fruit cocktail?! Cuz you're a fruit and therefore your tail was meant for cock!"

Suzaku blushed, turning away from him. "You're the gay one then," he replied,  
"Since you just forked me in the ass."

"Ah damn!" Hiten laughed, realizing his mistake, "got me again!"

Suzaku watched him eat in mild amusement, admiring the way his cute little lips wrapped around that plastic fork. He had just been so cheerful and laughing, but again Hiten's face had fallen into that worried little frown. "You're so sharp…" He mumbled. It was just an afterthought, but the fact seemed to trouble him. He fell back into deep thought, and finally Suzaku decided to ask him about it, carefully broaching the subject with an air of innocent curiosity.

"What are you thinking about, Hiten?"

The other man started, but then countered with a question of his own.  
"Why do you call me that?"

Suzaku shrugged guiltily. "Well I didn't think it bothered you…"

"It doesn't anymore," He confessed, though he still looked troubled,  
"but I could have sworn you used to call me by my last name…"

"High school's over." Suzaku sighed, laying his tired head down and deciding to give up his search for answers. Another thought occurred to him then, and he wasted no time in voicing it.  
"You can call me Suzaku if you like..."

"Okay then," Hiten sneered, taking it as a challenge "Let's see how you like it, Su-za-ku."  
Suzaku smiled at this. The sound of his own name suddenly seemed exotic and beautiful, at least when it came from those lips…

"Feels weird to say that," Hiten rambled on, "Suzaku, Suzaku. Leaves a queer taste in my mouth." He laughed at how awkward that sounded and nudged the now giggling redhead beside him. "Shut up, perv."

"You said it, not me," Suzaku snickered, nudging him back. But Hiten froze at that moment, and fell strangely silent again. He looked like he was distracted; contemplating as he ate and Suzaku couldn't help but agonize again over what he could've been thinking about. He didn't ask just then, instead he just watched, content to just admire his handsome visage.

Even when he was worried Hiten was so handsome… He acted so carefree and relaxed, joking and touching Suzaku often. Surely this man had no idea of just how obsessed his friend had become with him. He didn't even mind being watched by those wide, hungry green eyes…

"Hey…" Suzaku just barely whispered, but his attentive companion responded immediately.

"Hmm?"

"Wanna stay over tonight?"

"Sure, why not?" Hiten turned to regard him, but Suzaku fell silent. His painted nails were pressed into his flat stomach again and suddenly his heart ached with longing. 'Just once. Even though I'm not a girl, maybe once would be enough...'

"Hey Hiten…"

"What, Queermo?"

He laughed despite himself, and a light blush had appeared on his cheeks, but he hoped Hiten hadn't noticed. "That's not my name. Say my real name again…"

"Fruit cocktail."

Suzaku started, meeting his friend's laughter with a completely false, indignant declaration.  
"I hate you, you know that?" Inwardly he smiled at just how big a lie he had just spouted, but his companion was not so amused. Those chocolate eyes suddenly cast themselves downward, and Hiten looked like he wanted to say something, but he did not.  
Finally Suzaku chastised him, insisting that he explain his strange behavior. He caught hold of his friend's broad, stubborn shoulders and turned him so that their eyes locked.  
"Seriously, Hiten, this is getting annoying! Tell me! What is it that you've been thinking about?"

Finally Hiten conceded, squirming out of his hold. "You."  
He turned away immediately and made to continue eating, but Suzaku caught his wrist, not allowing him to dodge. "What's that supposed to me-"

"Raiyuki!"  
They both looked up as the woman who'd interrupted approached the table; Kaguya.  
She was flanked on either side by two other girls that Suzaku vaguely recognized. They must have been more of Hiten's admirers. They stalked over as a group, looking pissed…

"You said you'd eat with us!" Their leader fumed, and the girls behind her whined also.  
"I thought we were gonna study together!"  
"You totally ditched us again!'

Hiten gaped, a forkful of fruit cocktail was still suspended in front of his mouth. Suzaku wouldn't let go.  
"Oh that. I meant t-" He made to reply but Suzaku cut him off. The redhead leaned over suggestively, taking Hiten's fork into his own mouth with a playful flick of his tongue.  
"Sorry ladies," He pouted in mock sympathy, "But Hiten is with me tonight…"

"What?!" He smiled at their shocked fury, finally releasing his now thoroughly humiliated companion. Hiten put down the now empty fork and gaped at him. Suzaku never dared act like that! Especially not in front of that fiery blue-haired bitch.

As if she had read his mind, Kaguya flew into an indignant rage.  
"How dare you?!" She demanded furiously and the other girls backed her up.  
"You don't even belong to our group!"  
"Are you flirting with our Raiyuki?!"  
"Where do you get off calling Raiyuki-kun by his first name?!"  
"Raiyuki-sama, you should put this guy back in his place!"

They looked to Hiten for answers, and after a moment he finally responded. But he merely waved his hands, embarrassed, as he offered an apology. "It's not Midari's fault. I'm the one that totally forgot about the whole studying thing!" They made to argue further, but he cut them off with a fake smile. "And it's true, I just finished telling him I'd stay over at his place tonight."

"You must be joking!" Kaguya raged, even as the girls behind her sighed in defeat.  
"You ditched us for this psycho fag?!"

Suddenly Hiten stood, knocking his chair to the ground. Time seemed to freeze in that moment, and with a jolt Suzaku realized that things were about to get ugly. "Yeah I did!" Hiten shoved the table out of the way, relentless as he suddenly raged back at this haughty, pissed off drama queen. "You got a problem with that, you stupid histrionic bitch!?"

The girls backed up, looking terrified as Hiten and Kaguya suddenly launched into a heated argument. The cafeteria seemed to fall into an abnormal hush as the king and queen of the anger management group stood in full, furious glory; gnashing their fangs like rabid wolves.

Suzaku watched them, feeling as if he were in a daze. He could not even comprehend the insults they were shouting back and forth. It was like Hiten had just… snapped. He'd never seen Hiten act like this; lashing out in white-hot, passionate fury. But at that moment he decided that he liked the ferocity etched on that handsome face. The way he had stood up and let loose on Suzaku's own behalf… It was actually kind of erotic.

But after only a few moments of this heated argument, Kaguya had reached her limit. She reeled back and brought a hand sharply across her opponent's face, and at that point the security guards finally stepped in. Two of them caught hold of her and ushered her out of the room, and the remaining guards began to shout out, trying to disperse the crowd that had gathered around, hoping to see a full-out brawl.

The redhead stood and put a hand to his friend's face, letting Hiten catch his breath. He was so irritable and looked exhausted now. Suzaku wondered if perhaps he had not been sleeping. He was still shaking a little, but the rage seemed to have passed. "What's gotten into you?" He whispered, worried.

Hiten finally met his gaze, his eyes were low and confused. Suddenly he seemed sad.  
"That little white box," he began, whispering with the voice he had just barely managed to find. "I opened it," This finally admitted, he looked away as those emerald eyes grew wide with shock. And finally Suzaku understood.

Those frowning pale lips were quivering. Hiten was so overwhelming. His handsome face; that exhausted and troubled countenance and his ragged breath… All of it made it impossible for Suzaku to even think.  
Immediately he moved closer to him, breathless as he made to close the distance between them.  
He wanted desperately to kiss those troubled lips. The ones that had so willingly raged in his defense and then so tenderly admitted the reason… But instinctively Hiten backed off, as if Suzaku had just tried to bite him.

Those chocolate eyes burned into his for a moment, dark and impossible to read. Then he turned around and stalked off. Stunned, Suzaku stood and watched him leave. He wanted to follow, but his body wouldn't obey. Presently he began to feel the hot, wet humiliation rolling down his cheeks, but he was too ashamed to even try to wipe the tears away.

* * *

----

"I've always been in love with you."

Hiten whispered the words he just couldn't get out of his head. He lie back on his bed, thankful that the door to his bedroom was securely locked. He didn't want to be with anyone. He didn't want to deal with anyone or anything. He was late for group meeting already, but what did it matter?

He had just totally humiliated himself. How shameful it was to lose face so quickly in front of all of those people. And it was all because of that stupid redheaded faggot…

He sat up, annoyed at how completely hopeless it was to try to rest. As if on instinct, his hands made to open the drawer of his bedside table and extracted that little white box.  
He had torn it open already, even though Suzaku had asked him not to.  
_'Don't open it until I've left this place.' _That's what he had requested.

Had he really expected Hiten to comply with such a ridiculous request? After Suzaku had so obviously coveted it? He had held that box so tenderly, as if it were very precious to him.

And now Hiten finally understood why.  
There was a small but extravagant gift, hidden in that little white box. Hiten had ripped it open carelessly, but froze when he beheld its splendor; a thick golden chain resting on a little velvet pillow with a golden locket attached. It was real. He had looked it over carefully, perplexed. Twenty four carats. No plating, no imitation… It was genuine and very beautiful. The heart had snapped open with a little click and a tiny note tumbled out of it.

This was real too; handwritten with the utmost care. Short and sweet. Only one sentence, and yet it had completely clouded his mind with worry and unrest…

"I've always been in love with you." and that was all.

Hiten scoffed, holding the locket up to examine it for what had to have been the thousandth time. Just one stupid sentence had been provided to explain this extravagant endowment.  
It was maddening to think that anyone could be so callous as Suzaku had acted in giving it away. What was Hiten supposed to think of this beautiful token? Or of that brazen confession? What had he been expected to do, instead of backing away from that kiss?

'Always'. What was that supposed to mean? Since high school? Since middle school?  
Five years or ten, he couldn't possibly tell. They had always attended the same school, even before they became friends. He remembered knowing Suzaku early on in grade school, with his colorful braces and his short, messy red hair. Had that strange little kid been watching him all along? Had he harbored that secret love year after year, in complete silence? It was perfectly possible…

But then something must have set him off. Something had finally snapped and driven him to buy that golden locket. It had surely cost him at least ten thousand yen and all of the willpower he could muster. And yet he had still asked Hiten not to open it. So overwhelming was his fear of admitting the truth. Maybe he thought Hiten would hate him if he found out…

'I've always been in love with you.' The words ran endlessly through his head and tumbled from his lips whenever he was alone. But Hiten had made up his mind as he stared now at that beautiful gift. He couldn't mention it again. He would play it off and try to pretend it didn't bother him.

They had become such close friends. Suzaku's presence made him feel calm and safe, and he felt comfortable with speaking frankly to him. But now all of that was fading. His source of comfort and reassurance had morphed into a haze of exhausting confusion. He could not think, and it was beginning to show. He had lost his head and shouted at Kaguya after months of pledging against such actions in that anger management program. He felt unstable and insecure, as if that golden chain had wrapped around his ankles and tripped him up on his road to recovery.

So he would have to push it far from his mind and ignore these new emotions. He would focus on the program and getting out of this place. Perhaps he should hide the locket away and refuse to speak of it to anyone, not even Suzaku. It was maddening, but somewhere inside he felt that the cold metal heart beat in sync with his own… After so long he felt the passion that had empowered him to yell again. He felt exhausted and confused, but at the same time… so alive.

'Love.'  
Absently his fingers met with the scar that stretched along his left arm. It was such a sappy, troublesome emotion. Yet it had the power to take hold of people and force them to do such incredible things. It was scary to think about, but tempting as well. Just like his beautiful new locket. He held it up, admiring the way the light glinted off of it. 'So this is what Suzaku's love looks like…'

He started, turning his head to look at the now loudly ringing telephone. Somebody was missing him at the group meeting. Many people probably were, and he would surely be scolded for skipping out on it. With a resigning roll of his eyes, Hiten finally stood, deciding that he may as well attend. He made to return the locket to its hiding place, back in the little white box, but something stopped him.

Suzaku now knew he had opened it. Would he be sad to learn that it was still hidden away, despite the sincere attempt he had made to express such complicated emotions?  
"It's a necklace." He finally growled to himself. And accordingly he shook his hair out of the way and made to fasten it where it truly belonged. The metal felt cool and heavy against his neck, but the little locket slid easily out of sight as he pulled on his shirt and he realized that no one would even notice it.

No one, of course, but Suzaku.


	7. Because I Love You

disclaimer  
I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, Suzaku, Hiten or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.  
(Although I wish I did own those adorable, wonderful, super kawaii, sexy little sons of...ahem! anyways)  
I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.  
I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.  
- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

**Not For All The World**  
**  
Chapter Seven: Because I love you**

Jakotsu kissed his cell phone as he made to end his phone call. "Goodnight Aisuru,"  
He cooed, smiling at the obviously embarrassed reply of the man on the other end.

"Goonight." His precious Bankotsu replied, and then the line went dead.

"Oh, life is so good!" The effeminate beauty stretched comfortably on his roommate's bed, but said roommate merely scoffed in response. "You are such a fag…"  
He blew Naraku a kiss, snuggling into his pillow. "I know," he giggled, sniffing it, "Even though you're one to talk! You smell even prettier than me!"

"Of course I do," Naraku bragged, standing up and abandoning the homework on his desk.  
"They may have called you the queen in high school, but at M university I am the true queen!"

"Congratulations," he snickered, too used to Naraku's theatrics to offer a more amusing retort.  
"Anyway…" He sat up, scooting over as his roommate crawled up on the bed with him. "I'm bored now, entertain me."

"I am the queen here!" Naraku repeated, but he stared shamelessly anyway, ogling his roommate as he began to undress. "And why is it that you have such perfect, girly curves?!  
Did you take pills for it?"

"How'd you guess?" Jakotsu blinked, amazed by Naraku's intuition. "My f- my male parental unit shared some with me way back when…"

"Wow…" This seemed to be all Naraku could say. His perfectly manicured fingernails grazed the pale hips of his companion as he pulled him closer. "You're so pretty..."

"Not as pretty as you!" Jakotsu lied, shoving Naraku onto his own bed and pinning him down.  
"You look like you were born to be an uke!"

"Lies!" Naraku hissed. He pouted childishly in indignation. Then he shoved his now laughing roommate off of him and they wrestled playfully together. But Jakotsu stopped abruptly, his attention suddenly demanded by something new; a familiar white envelope on the bedside table.  
"You brought me another one!" He squealed, snatching it as Naraku nodded. "That came in this morning," he explained, "sorry I forgot to tell you…"

Jakotsu ripped it open with unrestrained glee, quickly unfolding it. But as the crinkled paper and the sloppy pink hiragana registered, he fell quiet and frowned. "These are…" He ran a finger over the wet smudges on his letter. "My Su-chan's tears."

"Oh?" Naraku leaned over his shoulder, looking over the messy little note. "I shouldn't be writing this," he read aloud, doubting Jakotsu could decipher this sloppy message.  
"My handwriting is probably atrocious because I can't really see. The tears won't stop coming. I haven't cried in ages and it makes my head hurt. Ja-Chan, do you remember how I said I gave him that special present? Well he opened it. But now he won't even talk to me about it. I guess I was wrong.  
It's a miracle that he still even talks to me at all now that he knows how I feel about him. We can still be friends. He is with me all the time. He even spends the night at my place. But every moment I'm with him is torture. I can't stand to see him. He is so beautiful.  
I really wanted him. It's so pathetic. I'm so pathetic. Obviously he doesn't want that kind of relationship, but I still let him jerk me around. I really wish he would just fuck me. That would be enough. Maybe I could forget him then. Maybe it would hurt so badly that I'd never want him again. Probably not. I'm rambling and I'm sorry you have to hear this crap.

I love you. I wish you were here. Can you even read this sloppy, shitty little note? I hope not. It's so humiliating. But I needed to tell someone.

You know what your majesty?  
I always wished that when I died, I would be reborn as the lucky son-of-a-bitch that fell in love with you.

If I were smart I would have snatched you up a million years ago before you even met Bankotsu. But I'm not smart. I'm just some psychotic, hopeless romantic that chases after men that are too good for him.

I'm trying not to do anything stupid. Soon I can leave this place and join you in college. Maybe it'll be worth the trouble, but I doubt it. Nothing matters anymore. I bet you would cry if I didn't come, so I promise I will.

I hope you will always be smiling, because I love you. For some reason I thought that love would be enough for him too. But now I know that I was wrong. Anyway…

Going to visit him. Play it all off. Pretend I'm okay. Ne, my queen Jakotsu, can you believe I am really this stupid?"

Naraku sat back on his bed, gazing worriedly at his now completely depressed roommate.  
"That's so terrible…" those little red lips whispered. "My poor Su-Chan."

"He'll be fine," Naraku mumbled, trying to pull his companion back onto the bed with him  
But Jakotsu shook him off, suddenly angry. "Heartless bastard!" He spat, and then he stalked off and promptly locked himself into the bathroom.

Jakotsu stared miserably at his own reflection, suddenly ashamed by his nudity. He was a free, reckless art student who wiled away the hours painting, drawing and reveling in the affection of countless beautiful men. Never lonely and never wanting; with Bankotsu's unflinching love, he had never felt the pain of unrequited longing unlike his best, most precious friend… What must it be like to be so terribly alone? To have been abandoned by your own parents and then rejected by the one you loved?  
It was bad enough that he was ill and would never be well again…  
'How strong would you have to be to live knowing something like that?'

Suzaku had said he didn't want to do anything stupid, but that was probably inevitable. It was so unlike Suzaku to write a letter like that; sounding so hopelessly depressed. That sloppy, hurried handwriting, smudged with the tears of his pain… It meant that Suzaku was in a very bad way. Bitterly Jakotsu doubted that the jock his friend adored so much would even notice the trouble he'd caused.

'I really wish he would just fuck me. That would be enough. Maybe I could forget him then.'

That didn't make any sense. Was Su-Chan really so devastated that he would write something like that? Hopefully he hadn't meant it…

"And hopefully that stupid jock won't take advantage of him…"

* * *

------

"You're on something new."  
Hiten plopped down on Suzaku's bed, pointing a finger at the orange bottle which rested on the bedside table.

"What do you know?" The other man dodged the question, sitting beside him.

"Plenty. Because they're letting you keep visitors overnight now," Hiten pointed out, kicking off his shoes. "You couldn't do that before. And also the way you talk. You seem more down to earth."

"What do you mean?" Suzaku moved over to the bedside table, and suddenly he became angry, looking at it. He scoffed, ripping the telephone cord out of the wall.  
"I told them before this phone is bugged…" He mumbled, stuffing it into the drawer.

Hiten laughed, beginning to scribble on the board they were supposed to be decorating for a group project.  
"I never thought I'd meet someone crazier than me…"

"Whatever." The other man scoffed, moving to close the blinds so that he could take off his shirt. He did this eagerly, dropping the garment carelessly on the floor before he sat down again, an ink pen in his hand.  
"Who's this?" He questioned, indicating the man Hiten was drawing.

"You." Came his amused reply as he moved to add the red hair. But to his surprise, Suzaku interrupted, tracing another head onto the character's neck.  
"Better than one." He explained, "though one of them always lies."

"Are you going to be an artist?" Hiten wondered aloud, letting Suzaku take over the drawing from there. "It's perfect for you. All artists are weird."

"Yes, someday." Suzaku nodded, joyfully taking on the task of completing the picture.  
"What about you?"

"I don't know." Hiten sighed, lying back on the bed. "I always thought I'd stay in sports, but that didn't work out. Maybe I'll just go into business…"

The room fell silent. Suzaku seemed to have become completely engrossed in the picture he was drawing. Though he had never talked much to begin with, so Hiten wasn't surprised.  
His brown eyes surveyed the room and he wondered for the umpteenth time what was in the little orange bottle on the beside table.  
He had guessed that Suzaku probably had a mild case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. His room was usually clean, and he always liked for things to be just so: his phone had to be unplugged, the door had to be locked, the curtains had to be closed, and he even tended to bathe more often than was necessary.

Hiten watched Suzaku draw, absently marveling as the lifelike scene shaped at his friend's fingertips. He liked this strange style of art. It was mysterious, much like the man himself.

In high school Suzaku had seemed more down to earth, as Hiten recalled, yet he had always been honest and open about his homosexual tendencies. That irked Hiten at times even though he wished to possess that kind of fierce, brazen honesty for himself. He was lucky to have met this man. Suzaku had been an art geek, and Hiten was a jock, so the two had rarely attended class together. But now they were older, and after being locked up in the stifling institution for so long, Hiten found everything about himself beginning to change dramatically. He wasn't a brainless, violent jock anymore. He was being taught new ways, aside from contact sports to deal with his frustrations and it actually had become an enjoyable program. He felt like a kinder, more amiable person.

Or maybe it wasn't the program that was working, but the influence of his closest companion. Suzaku had a quiet, calming air about him that really put Hiten's mind at ease. In the past Hiten had been very quick to become annoyed and didn't think twice about shouting at or even hurting others. This was why he had been put into the Anger Management therapy, but all of the meetings and exercises he did for the program paled in comparison with the calming affect the redheaded beauty before him had.

He leaned a little closer to Suzaku, watching him create. His hands moved quickly, adept and precise in every stroke. He was obviously concentrating very hard, dominating the project they were supposed to be completing together, but Hiten didn't mind. It would surely turn out better in the skilled hands of this graceful artist…

Suzaku looked and smelled so lovely. It was perfectly enjoyable to just lean over his shoulder and watch him. At times like this, when he could be alone with Suzaku, Hiten couldn't help but feel comfortable and subdued.

Sometimes he still wanted to question Suzaku. The little golden locket hung heavy around his neck, not letting him forget the secret, burden his heart still held. 'I've always been in love with you.' He wanted to know exactly what it meant, but was too scared to ask. Unfortunately Suzaku had not noticed that he was wearing the locket… And even if he had, there was still the chance that he would not honestly answer questions about it.

But that was just as well. He didn't like to have those lame, open conversations with anyone. And perhaps Suzaku had picked up on that fact. Hiten hated asking the questions, and Suzaku hated giving answers.  
So they had settled into a mutual, silent agreement to just let things be.

His eyes wandered absently over the beautiful picture Suzaku had created, and he smiled as he recognized that the characters were none other than himself and Suzaku. The depiction of Suzaku was two headed, and looked a bit frightening, but the Hiten character had been drawn with long white wings on his back. The two faced away from each other for some reason, though their hands were clasped together. 'So I'm the angel?'  
He chuckled at this preposterous idea. These strange drawings were just another of Suzaku's little quirks that he had swiftly grown fond of.

"I'll be leaving soon."

Hiten turned to raise an eyebrow at the taller man who had interrupted his thoughts.  
"My parents sent me a lot of money. So I'm going to spend a year at an art university, but then I'll buy myself a house. Somewhere far away. Maybe America…."

"How nice for you…" Hiten trailed off, thinking fast. He wondered what life would be like living so far from Suzaku. Without realizing it, he had grown very comfortable with this strange red-headed man. The two were together all the time now, whenever it was possible, and they had even grown close enough to call each other by their first names…

"I don't suppose you'll wander back to visit." He mumbled, meeting the other man's gaze with a hopeful smile.

"I'll write all the time!" Suzaku assured, setting his work aside. "If I call then the bugged phones might record our conversations." He lowered his voice, as if those bugs he spoke of might be nearby, and he leaned in close to Hiten's face.  
"If you want, you can come live with me once I move to America."

"I'm not even done here, and I still have to go to business school remember?" Hiten raised an eyebrow at him, backing away. Suzaku always had a tendency to get very close while talking, and sometimes Hiten recognized that little tug on the corners of his lips. It seemed Suzaku was always fighting the urge to kiss him…

"Come then, once you're finished with all of that," The redhead insisted, and Hiten moved as his companion made to crawl closer to him on the bed. "Come anytime you want. You won't even have to pay to live there. I could easily pay off a nice, two-bedroom house in America."

Hiten thought this over, carefully, marveling once again at Suzaku's obnoxious ability to blindside him with proposals. "It would probably be more interesting than going back home," He mused.

"What would?" Suzaku questioned, suddenly confused. He was now staring intently, not at Hiten's face but at his clothes. Something had caught his eye.

"Living with you, Baka!" Hiten scoffed, scolding him for spacing out.  
"What planet are you from anyway?"

"Venus," Suzaku replied absently. His fingers gingerly met with the soft fabric of Hiten's shirt, pushing the collar out of his way so that he could see the golden necklace beneath.

'Finally he's noticed it...'

Suzaku was silent for a long moment as he stared at it, as if he couldn't believe his eyes. And when he spoke again it was barely more than a whisper. "My locket…"

Hiten nodded, but turned away from his wide, intense gaze. Suzaku didn't back down however. His hands still clasped the other man's shirt and he moved closer still as he spoke again.  
"It looks so perfect. My heart around your beautiful neck…"

"I am not beautiful," Hiten denied, shoving him away, "Don't start in on me with your gay nonsense." He shook his head, still avoiding Suzaku's piercing gaze. "Just because I decided to wear your-"

"Ne, Hiten," The redhead interrupted with a sudden query.  
"Do you mind if I turn down the lights?"

"That's fine, I guess."

Suzaku reached over, turning the switch on his lamp so that the bulb glowed weakly, casting dim shadows across the room. "I like it better this way," He whispered as he lay back on his bed. "Everything is calm and beautiful…"

Hiten agreed, though he felt a little nervous with the sudden darkness.

"Hey Hiten," the redhead continued, the embarrassment seeping into his almost inaudible voice.  
"Do you think I am beautiful?"

"Well sure," he replied, assuming from the darkness that Suzaku was ready for bed.  
He stood and made to change into his pajamas, but Suzaku interrupted right after he'd pulled his pants off.

"You can't sleep over there."

"What is that supposed to me-" He gasped in surprise as Suzaku suddenly reached out and pulled him back onto the bed with him "Bossy, bossy." He sighed, shaking his head as Suzaku's fingers found their way again to the locket around his neck.

"I want you…" He heard those smiling lips confess. "Come here."  
Hiten stumbled forward, surprised at the force of Suzaku's grip. He tugged insistently, causing the little golden chain to bite into his neck. "Don't break it…" He moved closer obediently and Suzaku released the necklace, only to catch hold of his shirt. "Sleep with me instead."  
Hiten paused, giving him a look of incredulous wonder. Suzaku had never acted so rough and persistent before. An air of possessiveness seemed to have filled his overly affectionate friend, but it actually felt kind of flattering.

"Fine," He conceded, but Suzaku was still not satisfied.  
"Take this off too ," The redhead insisted, his painted fingernails scraping the buttons on Hiten's shirt.  
"So I can actually see my locket."  
"In your dreams Queermo." Hiten teased, but Suzaku was completely unfazed. He smiled, warm and affectionate, and Hiten giggled despite himself as the other man's fingers slipped beneath his shirt, tickling his sensitive stomach.

"Let's play a game?" the redhead suggested, pressing his forehead against Hiten's.  
"It's a secret game…"

"Everything is secret with you." He whispered back, mocking him.

"Let's play lovers…"

Hiten let out a stifled gasp as Suzaku's painted pink lips smothered his own. It was the first time his effeminate companion had seriously come onto him, but as he moved to push his insistent friend away, he couldn't help but wonder if it would be the last as well. For some reason, the thought made his chest feel tight…

Suzaku released his lips, but moved to wrap his arms around him. "I will miss you, so..."  
His fingers had curled almost involuntarily, grasping the fabric of his shirt in tight bunches.  
He hung his head as he spoke, suddenly seeming very sad. "No one understands me like you do…"

Hiten offered him a wry smile, bringing a hand up to rub his back. "I don't understand,"  
He admitted, holding the other man close, "But I like you anyway."

"You wouldn't like me," Suzaku suddenly whispered, "If I ever told you what was in that bottle." Hiten was confused for a moment, but then he realized that Suzaku must have been referring to the little orange bottle; the one that held his unlabeled pills.

"Let sleeping dogs lie," Hiten replied, resolutely. "If you don't want to tell, then I wont ask"

They fell silent for a moment after this, but soon Suzaku's glowing smile returned along with his brazen show of affection. "I've always been in love with you," he repeated breathlessly, and then he leaned forward, attaching his lips to Hiten's neck. His mouth was open, kissing the smooth flesh there as his tongue slid languidly past that thick golden chain.

It didn't feel bad, and it certainly wasn't the first time the popular jock had been kissed like that.  
The sensation was the same, despite the fact that it's source was a male, but Hiten still tried to pull away, unnerved by the heated way his body was responding. But Suzaku only tightened his grip, pressing closer, obviously enjoying the warmth he had caused to rise in his stunned prey.  
His mouth and hands worked expertly, eliciting more of this encouraging response, and Hiten thought he might die of embarrassment.  
Apparently his body would enjoy more of this. "If you insist," He mumbled, finally conceding as his companion pulled him closer, "then maybe I'll play along…"

Suzaku almost shivered, holding him still more tightly as he whispered against his neck.  
"You mean it?" He pulled back to look at him, breathlessly gaping as Hiten finally began to unbutton the shirt he had been clinging to.  
The younger man nodded, and Suzaku moved immediately to position himself beneath the one he so desperately wanted. "You can do whatever you want with me…"  
Hiten made to comply but froze, anxiety suddenly rising within him. He had never even been this close to another man before. He could almost feel Suzaku's feverish, carnal desires, but they were more than a little bit unnerving.

"Don't bother being gentle," He insisted, leaning up to kiss him. Those pink lips smiled endearingly against him and their owner moved to deepen the kiss, moaning shamelessly as their bodies finally met.  
"This may be our last night together…"

"Shut up." Hiten put a hand to his chest, pushing Suzaku back down against the mattress.  
It was probably unnecessarily cruel, but the stubborn redhead still seemed unfazed by this retort. He stared up hungrily, as if he were trying to burn this image into his memory. His emerald eyes traced over every curve of Hiten's exposed, tanned skin.

He had probably been suffering like that for many years, yearning desperately for more intimate contact with the one he'd 'always' loved. Suzaku wouldn't dare force it, but Hiten could tell he wanted to.

Looking down into those intense emerald eyes, Hiten tried to speak, but didn't quite know what he should say. He knew what Suzaku wanted because his own body had responded, sending the same signals. He had come this far, complying with his determined companion's wishes. But now fear gripped him and he could not move. This was a mistake. If he allowed this to continue he would surely regret it tomorrow. Both of them would. Maybe Suzaku did love him, but they could not be together…  
They had made plans to attend two different Japanese universities, and Suzaku had also said he wanted to move to America… They would be separated soon. Maybe for years. Didn't that matter to Suzaku? Was he even thinking?

"Kiss me," those smiling little lips still begged, but he didn't dare.  
Suzaku repeated the request, wrapping his arms around his stubborn companion and pulling him closer still. "Don't think, just move." He instructed, but Hiten shook his head.

"You'll regret it in the morning…"

"So what?" Suzaku chuckled at his partner's shocked reply. "B- But it will hurt you!"  
"Good!" he retorted, refusing to back down. "Hurt me then. That's what I want."

Suzaku recaptured those stubborn, defiant lips with his own and this time he would not let go, so Hiten could not speak. He kissed him deeply, fiercely, and moaned his desires shamelessly into the other man's mouth. Hiten was finally moving now, responding to the persistent kisses. Delicious heat had already begun to build between them as their bare skin pressed together, and Suzaku could feel his companion's stiff longing pressed against his thigh. But still he hesitated to act on it, and Hiten immediately tried to pull away when Suzaku made to touch it.

The kiss was broken but Suzaku's arms regained their hold on his willful opponent.  
"Make love to me…" He practically begged, flicking his tongue out to taste his most desperate desire. "Even if you don't feel an ounce of love for me," He whispered against the other man's lips, "pretend you do, just for tonight."

But suddenly a painful yelp escaped him as Hiten reacted. In an instant the stronger man had successfully pinned his arms against the mattress, rendering him completely and painfully immobile. "Idiot!" He barked, and Suzaku struggled against his hold, frightened at the anger that had suddenly entered the stronger man's voice. "Don't let people use you like that, just for your body!"

"I don't!" He insisted breathlessly, a hint of sadness betrayed his formerly immovable, lust-laden voice. "Only you, Hiten..."

Hiten froze, glaring down at those pleading, dark green eyes. The anger drained out of him as he looked down and recognized his faithful partner's honesty. The dim light cast shadows on his pale features and Suzaku lie silent, shivering like a scared child, completely vulnerable.  
"Only me?" He repeated, relinquishing his hold on the other man. Suzaku did not attempt to break away from him, even with the fearful shivering that had overtaken him. Instead he moved to slide himself out of his tight black pajama bottoms.

"Yes," He whispered, "Because I love you…"

Hiten sighed, watching in silence as his submissive partner settled down, now completely naked, beneath him. He had already pulled his smooth legs up to his chest so that his willing body lie in wait; shameless and provocative. "Please," He insisted, smiling as his companion slid easily between his legs. "Don't make me beg anymore…"

And at that Hiten actually laughed, finally plunging downward to meet those starving pink lips.

"Maybe I like to see you beg."


	8. Merry Christmas

disclaimer  
I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.  
(Although I wish I did own those adorable, wonderful, super kawaii, sexy little sons of...ahem! anyways)  
I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.  
I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.  
- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

(AN. Merry Christmas to all! Please enjoy this chapter. It is Dec. 25th 2009 at 1:40am and I am up late serving up yaoi just for you! Call it a gift if you want, I call it a pleasure. )

Not For All The World

**Chapter Eight: Merry Christmas**

"Su-chan, you've got a love letter! Hahahaha!"  
Jakotsu doubled over in laughter, waving a postcard above his best friend's head.

"Give it back!" Suzaku whined, reaching up in his futile attempt to snatch it from the taller man.

"He calls you by your first name?" He teased, looking over the postcard against his friend's will.  
"His handwriting's a lot better than yours… Ne, Su-Chan, Is this from your boyfriend?"

"Um…" The redhead's cheeks turned red as he brought his hands down to cover his embarrassment. "No, not my boyfriend. It's from the one I told you about…"

"What?!" Jakotsu started, surprised, "you mean that asshole that took your precious gift away without so much as a thank you and made you cry?!"

"Well I think…" Suzaku looked away, suddenly sounding timid, "I mean I guess you could say we patched things up…"

"Oh?" His friend prodded, "then that means he's your boyfriend right?"  
"No, not like…"  
It was barely more than a whisper that faded into nothing; just another of Suzaku's nonsensical, indirect answers. So the cross dresser decided he wouldn't bother to enquire further, deciding instead to read the postcard and see what his best friend's crush had to say.

"Dear Suzaku," He began, causing his redheaded companion to blush furiously and try again to get it back, "Don't be such a paranoid pain in the ass." he read aloud, "What was with that postcard you sent me? It didn't say anything! Next time write me a real letter for once. I promise I won't let anyone else read them. Anyway please don't forget to let me know where exactly you will be moving to in America. Tell the queen I said hi. He's your best friend right? Also, I bought you something. My own little white box, you could say. I'll mail it to you tomorrow. Til another day, Hiten.  
PS. I hope you are sleeping well."

Suzaku finally managed to snatch the postcard from his friend, who was too busy laughing to stop him. "Hiten and Suzaku sitting in a tree!" He cackled, bending over as he clutched his stomach. "Sounds like a letter from your nagging wife!"

The cross dresser was happy now, and Suzaku was glad to see his smile return.  
"I guess I can't hate him too much, since he called me his Queen" He bragged, "maybe he's not as much of a douche bag as I first thought, ne Su-Chan?"

Suzaku said nothing. He reread the postcard, staring fixedly at the signature on the bottom.  
"Hiten…" He whispered, a finger pressed against the ink. "Ne, Jakotsu-sama…"

Jakotsu looked up, grinning madly. "What?"

"It seems we will both be separated from our loves until graduation."

"It's just one more year," Jakotsu replied, dubiously. "That's not such a long time. Besides, you will be here with me and Naraku. We'll be sure to keep you warm at night until you find your way back to your precious boyfriend. That is if, he wants you back…"  
He meant it as a joke, but Suzaku turned away, seeming strangely sad.

'Surely Hiten will want me again, right? He wanted me then…' Three months had already flown by since the first and last time they had slept together, but Suzaku still remembered every second of it. Just the thought of it still made his body ache with longing. That night had turned out feeling more like a dream than reality. And when the sun had risen, it simply faded away. Hiten had apparently woken first, and by the time Suzaku himself had regained consciousness, his beloved companion had already left. As if that weren't bad enough, it turned out that Suzaku's angel wanted him to leave that very same morning. So he'd had only a few moments to find Hiten again and say goodbye. Luckily, he found his way to the small group therapy room just in time. The other members of his group whispered and giggled and that Kaguya girl was clinging to Hiten's arm. They were in the middle of an important session, but only she looked perturbed by Suzaku's sudden interruption.  
"Hiten," he'd whispered, trying to ignore the new wave of giggling that spread over the group,  
"I came to say goodbye. I have to go to Kyoto now…"

"It figures," was his immediate reply. He stood then, shaking off that girl like an irksome fly. He then shoved Suzaku back and followed him out the door. He stood in the hallway, worrying that Hiten might be angry, but once the door was closed behind them, he realized that Hiten had probably just wanted to be away from the prying ears of the group. Those warm arms were around him momentarily, and that cocky smile had returned as well. "You're so stupid." He sounded miffed, but squeezed Suzaku tightly anyway. "Goodbyes are pointless, just like all the rest of your sentimental bull."

"I'm sorry…" He didn't know what else to say to that, but Hiten only laughed.  
"There won't be any goodbyes," he whispered, "don't you get it? You already belong to me-"

"Come on now," Jakotsu prodded his friend, and Suzaku sighed as his thoughts were so rudely interrupted. "You look all upset. It's just one year."

"One year." He repeated, holding his postcard close. "Hiten… I wonder if you will even remember the promise you made."

"What promise?" Jakotsu pried nosily. But to his surprise Suzaku answered straightaway, even though he was still blushing.

"I won't give you up," He quoted, smiling, "Not for all the world."

* * *

Jakotsu shivered miserably as he climbed down from the bullet train.  
"I hate Christmas!" He growled, trying to stop his hair from whipping around in the frigid wind.  
Suzaku followed closely after him, his hands wrapping firmly around his waist from behind.  
"It's not Ch- Christmas's fault," he stuttered, leaning into his friend for warmth as they walked along. "It's the winter…"

"Only around Christmastime will you wind up stuck on the snow-stalled trains, surrounded by idiots who want to sing carols instead of shutting the fuck up!"

"Better than awkward silencee" Suzaku laughed, pulling his queen along as they finally headed home. Their arms were laden with bags and boxes; New Year's gifts for their friends in the dorms. "I bought everyone a new paintbrush set!" Suzaku bragged, hopping excitedly into the snow at his feet. "Well, for the cute ones anyway!"

"What a waste of money," Jakotsu followed after him, kicking up the snow as Suzaku's infectious smile slid across his face. He wondered aloud, giving his friend a look. "Why do you hit on the boys if you never follow through with it?"

"Maybe I will, someday…"

Not satisfied with this answer, Jakotsu sped up, attaching himself to his best friend again.  
"Yeah right," He teased, tugging him along, "the semester's almost over and you're still hung up on that guy; Hiten, the one that sends you those postcards!"

Suzaku said nothing, but a telling red blush appeared on his face. It was a little difficult to tell it apart from the usual cold-induced tinge, but Jakotsu knew him well enough to recognize when Suzaku was embarrassed. "So what did Mr. Postcard send you for Christmas?" he chided, grinning wickedly. But at that moment Suzaku stopped walking and his smile suddenly faded.

"Nothing, I guess…"

Jakotsu started, surprised at this. "The way he writes all the time I thought for sure you guys would be dying to get together for Christmas! You mean to say that he's not even going to give you a present?! Not even a phone call?!"

"I hate telephones," Suzaku reminded him warily. "Besides, Hiten actually has a family, unlike us. I'm sure that at this time of year he is already busy enough with them. Anyway, maybe he doesn't even celebrate Christmas…"

"Or maybe he's just a douche bag." Jakotsu replied tartly, continuing up the campus cobblestone road. "Oh well, you can just spend the night with me. We can stay up late watching yaoi, and I'll even make you some of the gourmet coco Bankotsu sent me."

"I hate chocolate," Suzaku murmured, though he already knew the cross dresser wasn't listening. He followed after his now pissed off best friend, wishing he had just lied about the whole Christmas present thing.  
It didn't matter, really. In reality Hiten's last postcard had said he would definitely be sending a gift. But it was already Christmas Eve, so Suzaku assumed that he had just forgotten.  
'So that's how much I meant to him huh?' The thought made his heart throb as it settled in.

"Mou, Su-Chan, you look so gloomy!"  
Jakotsu pressed a kiss to his best friend's cheek, his onyx eyes sparkling. "Cheer up! At midnight it will officially be Christmas! The happiest day of the year!"

"It's just because I'm cold." Suzaku lied, not looking up. The redhead folded his arms, bracing himself against another gust of wind and bowed his head. Christmas Eve or not; he still felt so miserable inside…

"Wow, it's like a ghost town."

Suzaku looked up, surveying the dorm they lived in. The streets which were usually packed with students were now completely empty. Only one car was parked outside; probably the one belonging to the manager of the building. All around there was nothing but silent, undisturbed snow. The students must have all gone home to visit their families.

"Home for the holidays," Suzaku shrugged, ambling into the deserted-looking building.  
Even the lobby, which was usually packed full of visitors was almost empty. The receptionist sat behind her desk as usual, but today she was accompanied by only one visitor; a black-headed man in a long trench coat.

Suzaku brushed himself off miserably, shaking the snow from his hair and jacket as he set down his bags.  
"I need to go change and get my pills," He said, addressing his best friend, "but after that I'll come down and meet you in your room." He made to leave but his companion put an arm out to stop him. Confused, Suzaku turned back. Jakotsu stood frozen with the snow still melting in his hair, staring off toward the receptionist. Suzaku followed his gaze, giving his friend a nudge. "What's with you?"

"That guy!" Jakotsu whispered, staring shamelessly at the long-haired man that stood talking to the receptionist. They were too far away to even hear the man's voice, but Jakotsu had recognized him immediately. "I know him! He's that asshole from Koryu High; Raiyuki-"

"Hiten." came the breathless whisper from behind him.

Jakotsu rounded on Suzaku immediately, his eyes wide with furious realization.  
The redhead looked like a deer caught in headlights. He stammered, trying to explain himself, but Jakotsu cut him off. "That's Hiten? Your Hiten?! Raiyuki is Mr. Postcard?!"  
Suzaku nodded, too ashamed of himself to even look his best friend in the eye.  
"I was gonna tell you…"

Those beautiful features were contorted with rage now, and Jakotsu seemed unable to even think. "You traitor!" He hissed, grabbing hold of Suzaku and dragging him as far from the man at the desk as possible. He forced him back outside, much to his friend's dismay, and closed the door behind them. "Tell him to leave! That asshole was one of the bastards that attacked me!"

"You don't know that! You said yourself you cant remember who really did it!" The words had come out before he could smother them, but Suzaku couldn't help himself. He wanted to cower in the face of his suddenly furious friend, but even now his heart was racing wildly at the prospect of seeing Hiten again. "He must have come all this way… Just to be with me!"

"You little whore…" Jakotsu scoffed, "I can't believe you've been chasing after him! All this time, and you never once bothered to tell me!"

"Because I knew you'd flip out…"

"Damn right, I'm going to flip out!" He prodded a finger painfully into his friend's chest; indignant with rage. "Su-Chan you weren't there! You don't even have a clue do you? You have no idea what those assholes did to me!"

Suzaku bowed deeply, not sure of what his queen wanted him to say. "I know you were hurt…"  
"Assaulted!" Jakotsu corrected, "with a knife, Suzaku! Do you have any idea how it feels to be pinned down and have words carved into your chest with a knife!? Do you know what its like to be shoved facedown into cold, dirty toilet water and then locked in and left to bleed out?!  
Those stupid jocks wanted me dead. Do you not understand that?"

"I do!" Suzaku was shivering now, but not from the cold. "But I know Hiten couldn't have done it!" He threw his arms around his shaking friend, feeling that he might cry. "I know you were hurt, Ja-Chan. But I know Hiten too! You haven't even seen him in years but I have! I talked to him and laughed with him and- and there's just no way he could have done something that terrible!"

Fierce onyx eyes glared at him, but Suzaku held his ground. He knew that Jakotsu wouldn't be able to argue further. It was perfectly possible that Raiyuki Hiten had not even been involved in the attack that had almost killed him…

Suzaku bowed deeply, clasping his best friend's hands in his own. "Come back in and just watch. You don't have to talk to him or anything, just look and you'll see that he can't possibly be one of those horrible boys that hurt you…"

Jakotsu looked like he was going to refuse, but Suzaku pulled him closer, insisting that he follow. "Trust me! I promise you. You'll see! As soon as you see him up close you'll know. Please, just come…"

He pulled Jakotsu back into the building, dragging the reluctant cross dresser behind himself. They scooped their bags back off the floor and ambled over to the receptionist desk. Suzaku's breath caught in his throat as reality hit. It really was Hiten. His hair was not braided today, but lay in a long, elegant curtain down his back. He was listening to the receptionist as she blabbered on about something. She was smiling with bright embarrassment, shamelessly flirting with the handsome man in front of her. But with a rush of joy Suzaku realized that Hiten was rebuffing her, even though she was a beautiful woman. For some reason Suzaku was shivering as he reached out to tap him on the shoulder, but the receptionist interrupted. "Oh, do you need to sign in your guest?" She asked, collecting herself and getting ready for business.

Hiten finally swung around, but at that instant all three men froze. Suzaku could feel Jakotsu tugging insistently on his hand, trying to escape the awkward scene, but he held fast, staring breathlessly at the man he loved. Hiten's chocolate, cat-like eyes spared only a moment's glance at Jakotsu. He didn't even seem to recognize him. But when those eyes met with Suzaku's they instantly softened. He was smiling now; his usual cocky grin plastered in place as he lifted a hand and gestured toward his own neck. The golden locket was nowhere in sight, but instead a different accessory had replaced it. A festive red bow had been tied in its place. Finally Suzaku understood. His Christmas present was right here, standing at the counter...

The bags fell from his hands, but he hardly noticed. Jakotsu had pulled away and was watching their silent exchange with nervous apprehension.

"Hiten…" It was barely more than a whisper, but it was enough to break the spell. Suzaku's lips quivered, unable to speak anymore and he turned suddenly, attempting to run away. But Hiten swept instinctively forward and caught him in his arms.

The detained redhead turned back, his long red hair cascading around him. He felt just like a little red butterfly. He had tried to flutter away, only to be caught by those strong, gentle hands.  
Hiten pulled him close, as if he were afraid he might try to escape again, but after a moment Suzaku wrapped his arms around him in earnest, snuggling closer.

Shocked ebony eyes watched unblinking as Jakotsu observed them in silence. This could not possibly be the same man he had encountered in high school! Even that infuriating cocky grin was not the same… It had not even been a full year since he'd last encountered that smug, sneering jock and yet here he stood, seeming to have morphed into a totally different person! His eyes were closed now, and he stood firm, holding his timid quarry with tender, affectionate care.

'So this is Raiyuki Hiten… now.'  
Jakotsu had read all of those ridiculous, flowery descriptions in Suzaku's letters, but would never have believed a word of it if had he not been standing here witnessing it firsthand. Suddenly however, he felt guilty for watching them like this. It occurred to him that he was intruding on something sacred and private, even though the two men didn't seem like they even cared. It was like they had launched into their own dimension, forgetting everything and everyone else.

The receptionist met Jakotsu's embarrassed gaze, nodding so that he knew he was not alone in this revelation. So he slunk past in silence, heading toward the elevator, but stole one more glance at his best friend who was then shaking, crying; completely wrapped up in the one he loved. Not a single word was being uttered between the two, but that just didn't matter. What it meant to them was anyone's guess, but at that moment he felt that he was seeing not only Raiyuki Hiten, but Suzaku himself clearly for the very first time. This was Midari Suzaku in his truest form; shamelessly enraptured, unable even to speak as he held fast to the one thing he could not stand to lose. He was silently baring his soul with this display, saying that this was it: his whole world was right there in his arms.

-

* * *

"I hope Ja-Chan isn't mad…." Suzaku mumbled this as his eyes fell upon the alarm clock. '3 in the morning..' He rolled over to slide out from beneath the covers, carefully disentangling himself from the man beside him. Hiten stirred a little, but thankfully did not wake up. Suzaku stood quietly and wandered into the bathroom. He padded his tousled red hair as he looked in the mirror, trying to get it to lie flat. His fingers raked through it absently and his mind buzzed as he observed his own naked body. Was this a dream? It certainly felt like one… He popped one of his pills into his mouth and chased it with some water before brushing his teeth. Earlier he had completely neglected this normal nightly routine because he had been too enraptured with his visitor. It was just too hard to think about anything when Hiten touched him like that…

Even now as he thought back, the memory returned in a confusing haze. He remembered the kisses; hot, wet and blinding. He remembered the whispers, but not the words. The pain, but not the pleasure. The fever that had completely numbed his senses was probably to blame for the fact that he couldn't even recall taking off his clothes. The sheets he'd tumbled onto were cold but soft and the arms that held him were firm but gentle. Surely it was all just a dream. Surely those moans had not been his own; that satisfying assault must have been born only of his deepest fantasy. It could not have been Hiten's doing…

He traced a finger over the mauve bruises on his neck, counting them. There were only six, a mere fraction of the actual number of kisses he'd received. The ghosts of those precious caresses still lingered on his skin. He could almost feel those lips against his cold, undeserving body…

The water roared a little more loudly then he'd expected when he made to fill the bathtub, the noise reverberating against the walls of the small bathroom. But he had closed the door, so hopefully it would not wake Hiten. After sprinkling in some pink bath salts, Suzaku stood impatiently, watching as the bathtub filled. He didn't want to be awake, but his body would not let him sleep. It hurt to stand and to walk, but hopefully the hot bubbly water would soothe that…

He slid into the bath, turning off the faucet as the pleasant heat chased away all other thoughts. God, it hurt. But he sat carefully on his knees with his eyes screwed shut and tried his best not to think about it. He wished his stupid, inexperienced body would hurry up and get used to taking that kind of abuse...

He smiled bitterly, thinking of how stupid he had been in high school. While all the other boys had rushed forward, letting their hormones do the thinking, he had held off and studied. If only he'd known that he would get sick. If only he hadn't been fed all those lies about college and scholarship. With his illness, it would be difficult to find a job even with a degree. Everyone around him was so focused on getting an education, but to Suzaku none of that mattered anymore. There was only Hiten. Only those dancing chocolate eyes and that flawless, demanding body…

Suzaku stifled a sob, trying not to think of the burning pain. He'd never have the courage to admit how much it had hurt. It was his own fault for not 'practicing' with the many boys that had chased after him in high school. 'Virgin...' Only women used words like that. And besides, if he had been alerted to that fact, Hiten would never have consented in the first place.  
'Stupid, I'm such a stupid liar…'

Presently he became aware of the tears escaping his tightly shut eyes. He wiped them away, but they wouldn't stop. He felt so ashamed and so foolish but at the same time his heart soared.  
Maybe Hiten really did care about him? That little golden locket was still around his neck. It had been there all along, hidden beneath the silk Christmas bow… What did it mean to Hiten to wear that locket?  
Suzaku remembered all too well how his hands had shook as he placed that precious locket into the little white box and tucked in his note…'I've always been in love with you' Perhaps after reading that one sentence Hiten had resigned himself to being a part of Suzaku's life. Something about that locket had created this unbelievable bond between the two of them. That locket had served as some kind of green light. Somehow it had changed their relationship; the forbidden had become the necessary and easy…

_'You already belong to me.'_

If Suzaku was the butterfly, well then Hiten was the avid collector who couldn't keep his hands off of it...

'But for how long?'  
Suzaku would have to be careful to enjoy their time together while it lasted. Because even if Hiten did want him now, he knew that it wouldn't last. Soon enough he would realize just how sick Suzaku really was, and then it would be over. Surely Hiten would leave, just like Suzaku's own parents had when they had been faced with the terrifying reality of his illness. That illness; the one that had made him do such terrible things…

He tried desperately not to think about it, shaking off the memories of the blood and the terror, but it was useless to deny the inevitable. His face in his hands, Suzaku choked on another sob.  
It hurt to remember. It hurt to think, and unfortunately if he wasn't thinking of his memories, the pain in his backside returned in full force.

"You okay?"

Suzaku started, his eyes flying open as the familiar voice registered. When had Hiten come in?  
He turned away, refusing to look at him, and tried his best to play off the tears. "Yes…"

Hiten obviously wasn't convinced. He knelt beside the bathtub and ran a hand through Suzaku's still dry hair. "I'm sorry." He whispered soothingly. He certainly was shrewd, but Suzaku shook off this kind gesture. He had to.

"Don't be. I loved every second…"

His eyes roamed of their own accord as he finally turned to face his companion. It seemed that Hiten had woken and immediately made to follow him. He hadn't even taken the time to get dressed.  
"I didn't want to worry you…"

"Then don't cry, stupid." Was his smug reply, but at least he was smiling now.

"Aren't you cold? Why not come bathe with me?"

Hiten started, seeming suddenly embarrassed by his current state of undress. "Might as well…"  
The water rose up, and Suzaku turned to regard the man who was now sitting behind him, waist-deep in the steaming bath. "Come here," those chocolate eyes requested.

Suzaku obeyed, lying his head on Hiten's shoulder as his knees slid on either side of him. This felt much better; his weight could now rest comfortably on the other man's lap instead of his burning backside...  
Those strong arms wrapped around him again, pulling him closer, and for a moment he thought the anxiety would fade away, but Hiten's next words proved him wrong.

"This is what you want, isn't it?" He whispered, squeezing him affectionately, "For us to be together? I can come see you more often, then, if that will make you happy…"

"It would, but…" Suzaku sighed, mumbling miserably into his neck.

"But what?"

"I feel like I've tricked you…"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Suzaku squeezed him tightly, shivering despite the warmth of the water. "I'm very sick…" He finally confessed, "The real me, without medication is just- scary. Not even my parents stuck around when they saw what I'm really like." A sob shook him as Suzaku said this. But he wanted to be honest, for once. It wasn't right to lead on the person he loved regardless of whether or not that person loved him back…

"There's no cure for it. And it may get worse…"

To his surprise; however, Hiten merely shrugged off his confession. "So what? I can be scary too, when I'm pissed enough. If I cared about something like that it would just make me a hypocrite."

Suzaku sat up, his hands pushing against the other man's shoulders. "That's easy to say…"  
Their eyes met, puffy red with stern chocolate, but still Hiten was unconvinced.

"Yeah, and it's easy to do," he countered simply, "I told you already. I won't let you go. Not for all the world." He closed the distance between them and Suzaku couldn't help but lean into this kiss. It struck him then that this man really was just as carefree and reckless as that cocky grin he always wore. Hiten was done talking. He never had been the nosy, conversational type. Maybe it was a little too optimistic to think so, but Suzaku found himself thankful for his stubborn, careless behavior. He wanted desperately to stay by Hiten's side and for whatever reason, it seemed that Hiten shared that desire…

"You have no idea how much I love you…"  
Suzaku whined as those comforting lips pulled away from him, and he worried that maybe he'd said too much. But Hiten merely smiled, a hint of mischievous playfulness in his reply, "Well then you'll just have to show me…" Suzaku dodged his gaze, trying to pull away in his embarrassment, but Hiten held fast, reattaching those seemingly insatiable lips to his already sore neck. "By the way," he mumbled between kisses,

"merry Christmas."


	9. Training

disclaimer  
I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.  
(Although I wish I did own those adorable, wonderful, super kawaii, sexy little sons of...ahem! anyways)  
I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.  
I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world  
- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

(AN. This is the final flashback chapter. We're getting to the good stuff! Okay, I admit it. This chapter is secretly meant to be Fan Service! XD Shameless naughty fan service! But it is still important of course! If you're not mature enough to appreciate guy on guy yumminess, please just skip that scene! Thank you.

Ps. Special thanks to Kira for her helpful advice!)

**  
Not For All The World**

**Chapter Nine: "Training"**

"Su-chan, this must mean a lot to you if you got up the guts to tell me over the telephone!"

Bankotsu looked over at his lover as he chatted animatedly on his cell phone. He didn't like the sounds of this conversation at all. He could only hear half of it, but he already loathed the direction it was moving in.

Jakotsu continued; oblivious.  
"What?! Come stay at your new place in America? What do you mean? Well I thought you just wanted me to attend the wedding! No, no of course I'd like to catch up with you. What do you mean you've already bought the plane tickets?! Okay okay, fine! I won't keep you! I'm sure I'll be able to come, but why such short notice?! Fine, yes. Goodnight then."

Jakotsu snapped his cell phone shut, giggling as he filled Bankotsu in. "He hasn't changed at all! What a pain in the ass. He wants to know if I'll attend a wedding in America, and then stay a couple weeks at his house there."

"I figured as much," Bankotsu replied, still trying to recall the effeminate redhead his lover had been so pleased to hear from. "Midari-san wasn't it? But if I remember correctly… He was friends with that bastard, Raiyuki Hiten."

Jakotsu started, shocked. "Come off it! You were best friends with Raiyuki!"

"Yeah until his cronies tried to kill you!"

"That doesn't make it Hiten's fault!"

"He never even apologized!"

"But Hiten-"

Bankotsu seethed, annoyed at how familiar Jakotsu suddenly seemed to be with him.  
"You call him by his first name?!"

"Not to his face," Jakotsu replied, a little embarrassed by his slipup, "I guess it's just because I'm so used to hearing Su-Chan call him that. Or didn't you know, Bankotsu. They live together now! I suspect they are lovers!"

"No way..." Bankotsu seemed shocked, but Jakotsu nodded with complete confidence.  
"Yeah, you should have seen them last Christmas! It was so awkward! It was like they totally forgot I was even in the room!"

"That doesn't matter," Bankotsu stated, folding his arms defiantly, "No way am I letting you go and live with Raiyuki!"

"Seriously, I don't think Hiten did it," Jakotsu insisted, "Why would Hiten have hurt me for being gay? That doesn't make any sense because he himself is living with another man…"

"I don't care," Bankotsu replied, "I don't want you anywhere near that guy!"

"Then I'll avoid Hiten and just stay close to Suzaku!"  
"Hmph!" was all he got in reply. He bristled, pointing an accusatory finger at Bankotsu.  
"Why should I stay here just because of your childish grudges? I put up with your homophobe best friend Inuyasha. I'm sure I can handle Hiten just as well."

"Stop calling him that."

"Raiyuki-san then!"

He growled, watching as Bankotsu turned on his heel and stalked out of the room.  
"I'm taking a shower!" He grit out, slamming the door behind him.

"Mou, Aisuru! It's not fair…"  
Bankotsu locked the door, ignoring the whining voice of his lover on the other side and stripped off his clothes without a second thought.

The water was steaming hot and crystal clear, but all he saw were murky puddles. Those terrible memories were resurfacing again and his mind was playing tricks on him. He could practically hear his lover shivering, could almost see the blood running down the drain… "Hiten…" That word had not left his lips for two years. Hiten the traitor, Hiten that bastard… 'The one I used to love.'

Bankotsu could still remember his best friend's infectious smile. He was upbeat and entertaining; always laughing and joking. He remembered it all. Every moment, every touch… They were inseparable all through middle and high school. Completely loyal; through and through, no matter what. Until that one fateful day at that stupid prom…

Jakotsu looked so beautiful. He had gotten his hair done for the occasion and wore a traditional blue kimono. He leaned forward with those sparkling eyelashes and those plump red, painted lips. And without thinking they had kissed, posing for their prom pictures as Jakotsu's overly excited, effeminate friends cheered them on. "Again! Kiss him again!" They cried. Bankotsu had shaken his head, knowing that his own friends; the homophobic football team would return any minute. But Jakotsu was not so timid. He moved to steal another kiss, and oh how cruel it was that fate conspired against them! None other than Hiten Raiyuki had hurried over, looking excited as he called out to Bankotsu. But then he froze. After that things had moved so quickly that Bankotsu could barely recall them. It was all a haze. Bankotsu did remember the shock and the fury on Hiten's face, and the terrified yelp that issued from Jakotsu when he had pushed him away, panicking.  
His poor lover fell from the pedestal they were standing on, tripping over those ridiculously high heels. Then he sat up on the ground, with hurt streaming from those gorgeous onyx eyes. He couldn't stop crying and his nose bled profusely, ruining his beautiful kimono.  
But that blood had been nothing compared to the loss he had suffered only days later, in that ruined, vandalized bathroom. And to this day the scars still shown, thick and dark across his pale, beautiful body…

Bankotsu shook the memories away, furious. That stupid prom. That stupid school, filled with those stupid homophobic jocks! He hated every one of them. Especially Hiten, who he had trusted so completely. He would never forget the fear he had felt when he realized Jakotsu had been assaulted. He couldn't shake off the memory of his injured lover, lying in the hospital with all of those tubes sticking out of him.

'Never again' that was the promise he had whispered to his unconscious love. Never again did he want to see him hurt, never again did he want to admit to anyone how much he truly loved him. He couldn't even trust his best friend to know...

'Inuyasha… That's right. Inuyasha can't stand Jakotsu, just because he is gay"  
He had wasted a lot of effort trying to convince Inuyasha to let Jakotsu live with them. But it had all backfired, just the same. Why? Why was it so difficult for Bankotsu to just be with the one he loved?!

'Just my rotten luck,' he finally conceded, scrubbing himself absently with Jakotsu's feminine smelling soap. 'Poor Aisuru…'

It wasn't Jakotsu's fault, but he had gotten pissed at him about it anyway. 'So Jakotsu wants to go to America…' They would be separated again, but at least he would be happy with his 'Su-Chan'.  
Midari-san was definitely a good guy. Bankotsu didn't remember him well, but he couldn't recall a single instance when he saw Jakotsu and Midari together that they weren't laughing cheerfully. Suzaku was gorgeous; absolutely breathtaking. He used to cling to Jakotsu and kiss him with those sparkling pink lips. The two of them must have been very close…

Bankotsu sighed, letting the warm water run, splashing annoyingly against him.  
'Very close, I'm sure. Probably another of Jakotsu's former lovers…' He scoffed, ashamed at this sudden jealous thought and finally he turned off the shower.

"I'm back," He announced as he padded across the carpets.  
He had returned to Jakotsu's bedroom, still wet and clad only in a damp purple towel. His long black hair flowed freely down his back, clinging to his smooth caramel-colored skin. He sat on the bed, drying his hair thoroughly before lying down with his dark blue eyes fixed on the ceiling.

Jakotsu acknowledged him but neither man said anything, allowing silence to fill the room.  
'That stubborn cross dresser is already packing his bags…'

Bankotsu rolled over, a frustrated sigh escaping him. "I don't want you to sleep with him."

Jakotsu paused, halfway through stuffing yet another snakeskin-patterned skirt into his suitcase. He turned to his lover, giving him a questioning look.  
"You've done it before haven't you?" Bankotsu insisted, recognizing the guilt in his dark eyes, "but things are different now. We can be together now, so surely you can abstain until you return to me."

With a nervous shake of his head, Jakotsu resumed his packing,  
"You're overreacting…" He whispered, exasperated.

"No I'm not. You didn't pack a single blanket! You obviously intend to sleep with him!"

"You are, Aisuru." Jakotsu sighed, waving him off.  
"I just don't want heavy luggage. So don't you say another word about that…"

Bankotsu scoffed, feeling insulted.  
"I can tell when you're hiding something!"

Jakotsu's hand slipped as he zipped up his bag and he paused again, turning back to Bankotsu. "That was then and this is now! Suzaku and I are just friends." He hissed this icily, putting an emphasis on the word 'friends.' He then finished zipping up the bag before popping a finger into his mouth. "And that hurt, so thanks a lot…"

Bankotsu said nothing, but cast his eyes from his lover's harsh glare, rolling onto his back to stare hard at the ceiling. Again the room was silent, and Bankotsu was glad of it. It was not often that Jakotsu grew angry with him, but the few times he did were ones that Bankotsu would rather have spent in the fiery pits of hell.

"I'm sorry Aisuru…" He finally breathed.  
He wanted to, but could not look at his lover to prove his sincerity.  
So he simply lie there, his eyes closed tightly against the burning threat of tears.

"It makes me crazy, to think of you with someone else..."

Jakotsu sighed, completely understanding. "I won't be."  
He tried to resume his packing only to find himself unable to even touch his suitcase. His thoughts were clouded with guilt; so much so that he couldn't even remember what he'd intended to pack. Bankotsu certainly was astute… "It was just sex. I would never have done it if I knew it would hurt you."

Bankotsu said nothing, but the little noise he'd made in the back of his throat spoke volumes and Jakotsu elaborated, hoping to ease his fears.  
"It was more like… training, actually. I wanted to teach Su-Chan how to enjoy sex, instead of just enduring it. Aisuru, do you have any idea how much it hurts to be fucked if you're not prepared for it?"

"Ugh," Apparently Bankotsu did not sympathize. "Fuck is such a foul word…"

"Never mind! You wouldn't understand..."  
This finally confessed, Jakotsu shoved the suitcase away from himself with a sigh of frustration.  
Bankotsu was obviously upset with him, but over something he could not undo.  
He turned, crawled up onto the bed and grasped Bankotsu's hands in his own.

"Aisuru," he began, waiting for those dark, hurt-filled eyes to slide back open.  
Once they had, he lie his head on Bankotsu's chest, feeling emotionally drained.

"I won't do it again, so please let me go see him…" Jakotsu was nearly begging.  
"I miss Su-chan so much… Here I'm so alone. You and I can't even live together anymore, so I'd only see you after class anyway! I'll come back home after just one month? Please…"

Bankotsu sighed heavily, wishing for the thousandth time that he hadn't let Jakotsu answer that stupid phone call. His lover had forgotten all about Suzaku, right up until he heard that sweet, pleading voice again. Suzaku was beautiful, just like Jakotsu, with long red-velvet hair, smooth vanilla skin and sparkling emeralds in his eyes. It was positively maddening to imagine those beautiful bodies pressed together. He tried hard to imagine that sweet vanilla skin tasting a little more like dusty porcelain, but that didn't help either, since Suzaku was such a doll.

Bitterly he wished he could go back in time and wrench his Jakotsu away from his smiling, beautiful companion. 'Best friends, ne?' He had really believed they were just best friends…

But it was too late for that. There was no help for it.  
"It's your life." he finally stated, rolling out of the other man's reach.  
"Maybe Inuyasha will get off my back about you if you're gone..."

"Thank you…" Jakotsu whispered, pulling his hands to himself. "And I will behave, seriously."  
After making this promise, he stood, leaving Bankotsu to be alone as he wished.

"No you won't…"

Jakotsu heard his love's bitter grumble, but shrugged it off, trying to finish his packing.  
This time he managed to finish the task, but with unsteady hands, a troubled mind, and a very heavy heart.

After a few moments, Bankotsu rolled back over, his reddened eyes fixed on his companion. "Did you like it when you fucked Midari-san? Is he your type?" He questioned, not finding himself at all surprised when Jakotsu didn't bother to reply.

He gave up trying to figure it out and slunk miserably on the bed. He just couldn't tear his eyes from his promiscuous sweetheart...  
'He must miss his other life so badly…' It was only recently that Jakotsu had graduated art school and parted ways with not just one, but dozens of his close male companions. He had given it all up at Bankotsu's request. He had decided to settle down, even after spending the last two years in college where he had been free to do whatever, or rather, whoever he pleased.  
Jakotsu as a student; that was a version of his lover that Bankotsu knew nothing about. The mystery tortured his mind. How close had Jakotsu been to his other partners?  
'It doesn't matter who he slept with.' That's what Bankotsu kept trying to convince himself. 'just as long as he didn't love any of them…'

But what if Jakotsu had loved Suzaku?

Bankotsu sat up, watching his lover in silence. After finishing his packing, Jakotsu sat alone on the ground and drew his knees to his chest. Hearing him choke on a sob, Bankotsu asked immediately if he was all right.

Jakotsu nodded; an insincere gesture, and Bankotsu moved immediately to comfort him.  
After lowering himself to the ground, he silently crawled over to Jakotsu and sat with him.  
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked…" That said, he rested his chin on one of those tense, pale shoulders, embracing him from behind. And to his immense relief, his boyfriend accepted the gesture, lying back to revel in his warmth. And together they sat; both men drawing calming comfort from one another.

Jakotsu finally spoke again, his voice slightly shaky.  
"Aisuru…" He began, hesitating. "You were always the one I really wanted…"

"It's okay." Bankotsu cut him off, leaning forward to capture his companion's lips in his own. "I shouldn't consider sex to be a form of 'cheating', as long as you love me."

"You are the one I love," Jakotsu insisted, "I would much rather make love to you…"  
Frowning, he adjusted his position so that he now sat on his lover's lap. Bankotsu was trying not to look upset, but he definitely was. Jealousy practically radiated from the younger, silent man… He leaned forward and kissed him fiercely, and after a brief moment of these tempting kisses, Bankotsu lie back, onto the carpet. He then leaned upward, whispering against those painted red lips to make his own confession. "I want you to make love to me now, then. I want to be 'trained' too…"

Jakotsu looked a little shocked at this forward request, but he smiled and nodded.  
They gazed into each other's eyes, each of their spirits lifting at the reminder of their unflinching love for one another.

'Nothing else matters; only this feeling.'

The taller of the two men took his lover's face into his hands, gazing intently into his dark blue, determined eyes. "That might be painful for you."

"You like causing pain," Bankotsu chuckled, kissing him again. He truly did want Jakotsu to make love to him, to drown out the jealousy and reassert their devotion to one another. Already, just from the kisses, he was starting to feel that familiar stiffening sensation in his lower half. Jakotsu seemed to notice this too, and he laughed despite the formerly tense conversation that had just ended.  
"You might not even like it enough to get off," he warned, admiring the way his lover's still damp hair clung to his tempting caramel skin. He had not noticed it before, since he was so cross, but Bankotsu was completely naked underneath that little purple towel...

"Can we take turns then?" Bankotsu suggested, tossing his wet hair back and out of his face. "You can go first…"

Though this timid whisper had barely reached him, Jakotsu moved immediately to comply with the suggestion. He stood, easily ridding himself of his tight feminine clothing, and wandered off to retrieve one of the many bottles of lubricant he had hidden at the bottom of a box of cosmetics. Bankotsu crawled up onto the bed, watching him in mild amusement as he tossed away the purple towel. He noticed immediately that Jakotsu had not packed any of those bottles for his trip to America and already felt a little foolish for having been so jealous.

"This will make things much more fun," Jakotsu promised, grinning wickedly as he set the bottle on the bedpost and took his spot beside his lover. Bankotsu nodded and settled himself on top, straddling that thin, porcelain waist.

Smiling pale lips met with fiery red ones, and instantly the two men were lost to each others' passionate kiss. Jakotsu's tongue moved languidly, but his arms had wrapped possessively around his lover's neck, pulling him closer; begging for more contact. With the sudden heat, neither even noticed the damp black hair cascading around them like a curtain.

Bankotsu bore down on the supple, hungry lips, letting those graceful fingers slide along his own, heat-stiffened body. His eyes were screwed shut; there was only the heat building between their bodies that mattered. Waves of stiff, uninhibited longing swept over him, pooling swiftly between his legs. It felt like a fire had been lit within him, heating up his blood so that every heartbeat sent lava surging throughout. Suddenly Jakotsu's long, skillful fingers had slipped between his legs and caught hold of him, squeezing a little too tightly. "Don't…" Bankotsu bit back a moan, trying not to encourage that infuriatingly delicious caress. But that was useless.  
Jakotsu loved the thought of torturing him and as usual jumped at the opportunity. He moaned shamelessly into their kiss as he worked his hands faster, squeezing only tighter at Bankotsu's protests. The younger man broke their kiss, trying to free himself. Surely his promise that Jakotsu could go first would be ruined if he allowed this tantalizing stroking to continue.

"S- Stop…" It was a bitter, almost painful request. Already Bankotsu's body was working against him, bearing down, begging those hands to continue. He could hear Jakotsu chuckling as he pulled away from him.

Finally freed, Bankotsu turned away, snatching the bottle from the headrest. The contact was gone but the heat and determination remained. 'So now I have to put some of this inside of me…' He lie beside his soon-to-be-sensei, ready to take the next step.

"Wow…" Jakotsu had come closer to get a better look at what his Aisuru was doing. Bankotsu shoved him away, embarrassed, but he knew the effeminate pervert was not going to give up the chance to see something so rare and erotic. But it couldn't be helped. He'd have to take this opportunity, using his fingers to prepare himself, if he was going to let Jakotsu 'train' him tonight.

Carefully he coated two of his fingers with that thick, clear substance. It felt cold on his skin, but perhaps that was a good thing. Closing his eyes, Bankotsu pressed those fingers inside of himself, trying not to gasp at this tight, unpleasant intrusion.  
"Spread your legs more," Jakotsu's voice suggested. His sensei was leaned over him now, his face nuzzling between his legs and Bankotsu complied, noting the lessened pressure on his fingers. "Now, try three," his lover instructed, watching as he obeyed this order.

Jakotsu stared shamelessly as his love's fingers slid between his legs. Now three of them were forced inside of him; wet and stiff, much like the long caramel-colored rod that he now instinctively took into his mouth. This made his lover gasp and arch his back. Jakotsu teased his tongue along the length of it before clamping down tighter, suckling each smooth, decadent inch. He listened intently to Bankotsu's sweet, deep moaning as it began to escalate. Now he moved in sync with those pumping fingers, bobbing his head as he observed their progress.  
Watching Bankotsu work himself open like that was incredibly arousing. The heat and pressure building in Jakotsu's own body was almost overwhelming. It begged for release, pulsing insistently even before Bankotsu's free hand wrapped around his now fully engorged erection. And then it was Jakotsu's turn to beg him to stop, if only his mouth hadn't been full…

Quickly he rolled off of Bankotsu, forcing his hand away as he made to catch his breath. The precum tickled his throat, and he imagined that his lover was disappointed, but not for long. They finally had the time and place; now their lovemaking could last as long as they wanted.  
In the past, their bodies had been trained to move quickly through years of hiding their love; rushing what little intimate contact they had privacy enough for, but things would be different now…

Bankotsu bit back the pain as he slid the fourth and final finger into himself, thinking bitterly that there just was not enough lubrication in the world. He was not accustomed to doing so, but had seen Jakotsu prepare himself like this many times before. God, it hurt! Perhaps Jakotsu had grown used to this kind of pain, but Bankotsu was definitely not. It felt like he was trying to tear himself open with his own wet hands. He would never admit it, but now he realized what Jakotsu had meant when he said he needed to be 'trained' so that being fucked wouldn't be so painful. Bankotsu forced back a whimper, trying not to think of the forthcoming pain as his lover moved into position, sliding his beautiful body between his legs with ease.

Those sweet red lips kissed his again; warm and comforting, and the bottle of lubricant was snatched away. Jakotsu was done watching, it seemed. He coated himself with it, groaning at the pleasure of his own wet touch, but then moved to claim his true prize. Bankotsu moved his hands out of the way and closed his eyes, but it still took everything in him to avoid crying out. The pain shot up his back and forced it to arch. His head was thrown back reflexively and his fingers clawed at his lover's back.  
"Shh, just relax…" Jakotsu's sweet voice cooed. He had paused to allow Bankotsu to adjust to this new, even more painful intrusion. Relaxing did help, though it was so much easier said than done. His muscles wanted to clench again whenever Jakotsu moved, and his lover seemed to sense it. "Relax," he repeated, kissing him again. The kisses were sweet and gentle, and served as the perfect distraction. But still Bankotsu pulled away, hissing quietly at the burning friction between his legs. The pain dripped out in low, forcibly quieted moans as Jakotsu began to move; slowly and gently he eased himself out of his lover, only to lower himself back in again. He was groaning with the effort of restraining himself, but paused whenever Bankotsu hissed again, and carefully he continued at this pace until he could move without eliciting any more pain-induced sounds. He knew exactly what he was doing.  
Luckily Bankotsu's pain-wracked mind was much too overwhelmed to worry about why or more pertinently who...

He held him tightly, reveling in those kisses as he encouraged more movement. Jakotsu was moaning now, moving faster and pressing still deeper.  
Gingerly Bankotsu pulled his lover closer, carefully focusing on anything but the pain.  
The excruciating pressure had doubled with the speed, but so had the volume of his new lover's pleasure-filled voice. It was a rare, precious time when Jakotsu did not restrain such embarrassing noises during their lovemaking sessions, so Bankotsu listened intently to them.  
His lover moaned shamelessly with each thrust of his perfect, agile body, and as the pace quickened further, the volume increased still. Their tongues entwined, wrestling for dominance as they danced to the tune of that erotic melody. With a pleasant shock, Bankotsu found himself gripping his lover's backside, urging him deeper, faster. The pain was fading, drowned out by that voice and the pleasure emerged twofold as his well-trained partner suddenly began to purposely hit one particular spot that felt especially nice. Bankotsu was surprised to hear himself moaning too, begging to be touched there again. He'd never felt anything like this before, but loved it, craved it immediately, desperately.

Ecstasy was swiftly overtaking Bankotsu now, and he could feel his own arousal responding, swelling in earnest between their hot, sweat-kissed stomachs. 'Faster, harder' He begged with his hands, his body shuddering as Jakotsu complied. Now the moaning escaped both of them; completely, passionately uninhibited. That precious porcelain rod slammed into him, again and again, perfectly aimed to elicit more desperate, feral response. Bankotsu gasped in time with each thrust, his body shaking against his lover's overwhelming fervor.  
"Ah-" It was almost impossible to talk. "Ja- Oh…" The words melted into moans but Jakotsu took the hint, bearing down as he moved to wrap things up. Their voices synchronized; growing louder and more desperate until neither could tell whose gasp was whose. Suddenly everything seemed to freeze. There was only bright white light and tightly pulsing muscles. Jakotsu's final moan was his lover's name, but it was lost to their sopping wet, open-mouthed kiss.

Bankotsu caught his breath as his exhausted lover collapsed on top of him. His ragged panting was slowing, muffled by the sheets and his body still shook with the aftershock of orgasm.  
'But the fun is only half over…'

Jakotsu whined a little as Bankotsu moved to reverse their positions. He felt himself slide languidly out of that tight, precious entrance, but moved just as Bankotsu wished, ready and willing to take his usual place beneath his precious Aisuru. He was soaked and exhausted, but he drew his legs up obediently as Bankotsu kissed him again, just as fiercely, whispering as he grinned against his lips. "My turn."

* * *

(AN. 2 Things are speeding up! I know where I want the story to go so go hit those review buttons guys and be sure to set the story on alert so you'll be the first to know what happens next!

Now for some feedback! This next section answers the question:

"So why Suzaku and Hiten? Aren't they very minor characters?" For those of you who've wondered this same thing, here is my answer. For those who didn't wonder, you can skip to the next chapter!

I chose Suzaku and Hiten for their uncanny resemblance to Jakotsu and Bankotsu. I find it funny that Rumiko Takahashi includes characters like this so many times in the series. I suspect it's her own unique attempt at what we call fan service. Bankotsu look-alikes can be found in the early episodes in "the thunder brothers" and in the 4th movie. Hiten was a thunder brother, and he's my choice because not only is he identical in looks (skin tone and hairstyle), but he also has a stubborn, boorish personality. He is also fiercely loyal and freaks out when Inuyasha kills his brother. Sound familiar? It's just like the epic moment when Bankotsu realizes Renkotsu betrayed his 'brother' Jakotsu! Hiten is perfect; truly Bankotsu's reborn! Meanwhile Jakotsu's 'look-alikes' are named Suzaku and Byakuya. Though Byakuya lived longer, Suzaku was my choice because his personality is exactly like Jakotsu's. He is the type to shamelessly flirt with his victims instead of killing them like he was told. At one point Suzaku even brings his hands up in the classic "Kawaii!" pose, just like Jakotsu did when he first met Inuyasha! When I saw that I knew Suzaku would be my perfect choice! So there's your answer. Jakotsu and Bankotsu hold a very special place in my heart and due to their uncanny likenesses, so do Suzaku and Hiten. I wrote Ban/Hit and Ja/Su as best friends because based on personality, I really do believe that if they'd ever had the chance to meet they would have been friends. I think it was very kind of Takahashi-sama to offer us the chance to see our boys reborn like that. While reading this story, it's perfectly acceptable to think of Suzaku and Hiten as Bankotsu and Jakotsu in a past life. Kind of like the creepy way the characters from the Ranma ½ and Inuyasha series seem to match up! I hope you will enjoy the ironic similarities in their personalities as much as I do!)


	10. Kotori

disclaimer

I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, Suzaku, Hiten or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.

I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.

I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.

- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

(AN. As always, please Read, Review, and most importantly, Enjoy. )

**Not For All the World  
**

**Chapter Ten: Kotori; The Phoenix of Hopeful Love  
**

"Queen Jakotsu, how come you still haven't gotten settled in my room?"  
Suzaku turned to raise a dubious eyebrow at his best friend, who had just plopped down onto his bed without even taking off his shoes. "Dunno," the cross dresser shrugged, lying back against the fluffy pink pillows that surrounded him. "Maybe because your bed is too cozy…"

"I'll take that as a compliment."

Jakotsu tried not to glance over at him when he said that, recognizing the little clinking sound of Suzaku taking off his bracelets. His best friend was anything but modest around him, so Jakotsu guessed the rest of his clothes would soon join those bracelets, sliding off of that perfect body.

"Can't wait to try on the pajamas you bought me."

"They're made for women," Jakotsu informed, sitting up to start changing into his bedclothes as well. "So they're cuter, but it's annoying cuz you have to actually pull them down before you can piss or fuck."

"Filthy," Suzaku giggled, shaking his head, and it took Jakotsu a moment to realize he was talking about his mouth. He watched without blinking as his beautiful companion leaned over to pull up his new pajama bottoms. The tight silk slid over those smooth vanilla cheeks and those nimble fingers tied the sash around his waist. He then pulled on the matching top, completely oblivious to his silently enraptured audience.

Now Suzaku was brushing out his long red hair, admiring himself in the mirror. The new silk pajamas fit him perfectly. They hugged his thin, feminine body in all the right places. The top tied closed with a thick red sash. It looked so sexy, and so easy to take off…

Jakotsu gaped at him, almost speechless.  
"God, you are so hot…"

Hot was an understatement, unfortunately. In reality Suzaku had a sort of ethereal beauty about him. Every move he made seemed to tease. His long, silken red hair and smooth porcelain skin just begged to be touched, tasted…

'Wait wait, I did not just think that!'

Jakotsu quickly turned away, trying to still his now rapidly beating heart. Had it gotten hotter in this room? Okay, so maybe Bankotsu was justified in being suspicious of his relationship with that delectable redhead. But Jakotsu didn't see what all the fuss was about.  
It was just infatuation; the same way he'd felt about Inuyasha the first time he'd met him. Beautiful men were like candy to Jakotsu. It was a waste not to have at least one taste of them… or two… or three…

Jakotsu quickly shook off that thought as well, standing as he finally changed into his own pajamas. Suzaku was humming absently behind him, apparently he was in a very good mood.

"Tonight will be special, Ja-Chan," He sighed dreamily, "don't you feel it too?"

"Well I feel something but I wouldn't call it 'special'…"

"Oh shut up, flirting with me!" Suzaku insisted. He danced over to Jakotsu, pushing him playfully onto the bed. "Ja-Chan, will you be lonely if I go out to the kitchen for a bit?"

"Yes, terribly," The queen teased, reading right into his request. "I bet you want to go show off your new outfit to Hiten…"  
Suzaku's cheeks turned a telling red as his lips pursed, trying to hide his mischievous smile.  
"Maybe…" He was chewing on one of his painted red nails, obviously embarrassed.

Suddenly he started, as if he had just remembered something. "Oh yeah, I meant to show you!" He hurried over to his beside table, pulling open the top drawer, and Jakotsu made himself comfortable, snuggling under the blankets as he waited for his friend to return.

Soon Suzaku had perched himself right beside his best friend on his bed, clutching a tiny stuffed animal to his chest. "Meet Kotori," He whispered, showing Jakotsu the little red bird. "Kotori is a phoenix who brings me good luck."

"Oh really?" His majesty chuckled, lying with his head propped up in his elegant, pale hands.

The redhead nodded proudly, holding it out to him. "Isn't he beautiful?"

Jakotsu took it and looked it over. The soft fake feathers were bristled slightly, and for a moment he wondered if it might have been real. Those beady little blue eyes almost seemed alive. "Very nice."

"Kotori is the most valuable thing I've ever owned." Suzaku was blushing again, and he reached out to snatch the bird back. "Because Hiten gave Kotori to me."

'Hiten again ne? Su-Chan is so hopelessly lovesick!'

"So how are things going with Hiten?" The queen wondered.  
"Um…" Suzaku suddenly seemed timid, like he didn't want to continue this conversation.

"Come on, fill me in." Jakotsu scoffed, "So you're finally living together, but why'd it take so long for you two to hook up?"

"Well… we didn't…"

"You didn't?" Jakotsu repeated, dubiously, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, it's not like he ever agreed to be my boyfriend or anything…"

"What the hell?" So Hiten wasn't Suzaku's boyfriend?! Jakotsu had wondered about that himself, since they didn't share the same bedroom, but it was still shocking to hear it from Suzaku's own mouth. "You mean you never told him you love him?!"

The redhead sighed, obviously embarrassed. "Well yeah I told him that, but I didn't ask him out or anything."

"But he moved in with you…"

"Yeah…"

"Knowing you love him?"

"Yeah."

"Then he must think you're his boyfriend!"

"Maybe, but I wouldn't assume something like that…"

"Well why not?!"

"Because I might be wrong…"  
The room fell silent, thick tension in the air, and Suzaku could say no more. He stared sadly down at his little stuffed bird, seeming lost in some unpleasant thought.

Now the sun was really coming up. 'What the fuck?' Jakotsu was starting to feel angry now.  
"Do you mean to say," he hissed, "That you don't even know how Hiten feels about you?"

Suzaku shook his head, staring fixedly at the little bird. He didn't want to know what kind of disapproving look his queen was giving him. "We just kind of… fell into this lifestyle. I had asked him to come live with me in America once he was done with business school and he said okay. He kept his promise. But that doesn't mean we're… together or anything. There was no dating or pick-up lines or anything lame like that. Hiten hates that kind of stuff. I'm sure you noticed, we don't even sleep in the same room…"  
He waved his arms as Jakotsu piped up. "What kind of bullshit is that?!"

"It's fine this way! Really, I just consider myself lucky to even be near him!"  
He nodded, determined. "Hiten's so amazing. I've always dreamed of living with him… How could I complain when my wish is already granted?"

"Huh!" Jakotsu rolled over, staring at the ceiling as his friend became nervously silent again.  
He had probably caused the poor thing to feel ashamed, though he hadn't meant to.  
"Bankotsu is kind of secretive as well," He offered, hoping to ease the tension. "We pretend we are just friends in public…" He smiled wickedly, turning to his embarrassed companion.  
"But when we are alone we are like rabid dogs. You can't get us off each other."

Suzaku refused to look at him. He pulled the little bird to his face, whispering against it.  
"I never would have thought that was possible. You said you were dating him all through high school. But I never even saw you two in the same room…"

"Because it was a secret!" He chuckled, proud of himself. "All those years of theatre paid off, ne? I should have been an actress!"

"But the art you make is so much better than acting!" Suzaku stood suddenly, walking over to the closet. He slid the doors open, revealing a cluttered collection of various art supplies. He dug through one of the boxes, tossing aside many pastels, pencils, boxes and portraits before he finally found the one he wanted. "I kept every painting you ever gave me. Even the ones from grade school." This confession made, he held out the portrait he'd found, smiling at his queen's embarrassment.

"This one?" He held it up, incredulous. "Don't you recognize it?"  
"It's a star," Suzaku replied, regaining his seat on the bed, beside his companion.  
"It's Bankotsu's tattoo!" He sighed, holding up the portrait to show it off.  
"All of my artwork was made in honor of the one I love."

Suzaku's shocked eyes widened as he looked down at the painting and after having it for years he finally recognized those gentle blue curves. It was indeed an abstract rendition of the star that Bankotsu had tattooed on his forehead. "I am… stupid!" He gasped, bristling as Jakotsu suddenly burst into laughter.

"No, you weren't supposed to notice!"

"Secret lovers." Suzaku suddenly blushed as he whispered this. "That's so romantic."  
He lie against the many pillows on his bed, stroking his Kotori as a little bit of envy rose up inside of him. "I wish we were like that…"

"You and Hiten?" Jakotsu lie next to him, tracing his fingernails affectionately over the painting.

"Yeah…"

"Well maybe you already are," He suggested, "He must like you if he's followed you to America…"

Suzaku contemplated this, but said nothing.  
"Doesn't he ever act like a boyfriend? He bought Kotori right? Well what else? Has he ever bought you chocolate or flowers?"  
"I hate chocolate," His friend replied listlessly, "And I'm allergic to flowers."

"Well what about dinner dates, and movies and cuddling in front of the TV?"  
"Hmm…" Suzaku hummed, he was now hugging one of the large pink pillows from his bed.  
"Is that what you're supposed to do with a boyfriend?"  
"Well duh" came the reply.

"Then Hiten is definitely not my boyfriend. We never do anything like that."  
Jakotsu stared at him, wondering for a moment if he might be lying. But that didn't seem to be the case. "Seriously, you don't do anything with him? Just… nothing?"

This question finally got a rise out of Suzaku. He quickly buried his head into the large pink pillow, clutching it so tightly that Jakotsu couldn't help but wonder how he was still breathing. He mumbled something against the fabric, and it was obvious that he was now completely mortified.

"What?" Jakotsu prompted, raising an eyebrow.  
The redhead peeked out from behind the pillow, giving his queen a look that plainly said he'd rather die than have to repeat himself. He mumbled again, a little bit louder.

"Fuck?" Jakotsu guessed, rolling his eyes as his friend immediately returned to hiding behind the pillow. "Fuck as in 'fuck this shit' or fuck as in sex?"

"Sex…" That said, Suzaku hid his face behind the pillow again, but this time his queen moved immediately to take it away from him. "Why the hell," he grunted, finally prying the fluffy pink shield from the stubborn man before him, "have you been having sex with someone who doesn't give a flip about you?!"

Now Suzaku refused to answer. He turned away from his friend, looking like he might get up and run at any moment, but Jakotsu caught him by the wrist just in case. "Su-Chan, how long has this been going on?!"

"Um…"

"Before college?"

"Yes…"

"What the- I can't believe you never even told me about this! I asked you about Hiten like a million times in college!"

"But I knew you'd be upset…"

Jakotsu bristled, recognizing this situation. "Su-Chan I get upset because I care about you!"  
"I know…" "Then stop lying to me!" "I'm sorry…"

At that moment Jakotsu paused, finally understanding. His submissive, redheaded companion had his head bowed, so he couldn't see, but Suzaku probably wanted to cry.  
"What's gotten into you, Su-Chan? Why would you let someone use you like that?"

"Because I love him." That said, Suzaku crawled closer to his best friend, and Jakotsu instinctively embraced him. "It's pathetic. I know that, but…"  
"But you can't help it?" Jakotsu scoffed at the predictable nod he got in reply.

"But maybe it will make him love me too…"

At this Jakotsu bristled, but he still tried not to be too harsh on the obviously distressed younger man. "Su-Chan, you know… Not all men think that love and sex are the same thing… Like me. You think I loved all of those pretty boys I fucked with back in college?"

Suzaku started, suddenly he looked confused. "But Ja-Chan, you had sex with me…"

"Well that's different."

"What do you mean? You don't love me, Ja-Chan?"

Jakotsu almost growled with frustration. It was impossible to prove his point if Suzaku had only ever slept with people he loved, since the naïve redhead was so stubborn and self-centered.  
"Look, Su-Chan, yes I do love you, but Hiten's not me! Understand? The sex doesn't mean he cares about you."

"That's not true!" Suzaku insisted. He broke away from their embrace and suddenly became defensive. "If he really didn't care about me then he wouldn't want to do things like that."

"Yes he would," Jakotsu rolled his eyes, "He's a man isn't he?"

"So?"

"So he has a dick just like the rest of us! Didn't you ever take anatomy?! The heart is not a sex organ!" Jakotsu glared over at his timid friend, who was squirming uncomfortably.

"It's not like that. Hiten is sweet to me."

"Him? Sweet?" He scoffed, but Suzaku insisted.  
"Yes, he is very sweet and playful too. He knows just what to do to make me feel amazing…"

"Ugh…" Jakotsu rolled his eyes. "That just makes you sound like a whore, Su-Chan."  
Suzaku whined incomprehensibly, mumbling in a defeated sort of way as the queen said his final piece. "Seriously, don't sleep with him anymore Su-Chan. Especially if you love him. What if he just uses you and then hooks up with someone else? You shouldn't sleep with him if he won't even date you."

"I never asked him to date me…"

"Then you should!" He glared over at his friend, but to his surprise he found the younger man suddenly smiling. Suzaku stood, holding the little red bird. "I could never do that," He said, gazing off a little sadly, and Jakotsu wondered who his friend was really trying to convince.  
"It's not worth the risk since he might say no…"

'That's right. Hiten is already living with me… That's enough. I am not alone anymore. I am with the one I love. That's enough for me…'

"But Su-Chan wh-"  
"It's okay."  
Suzaku cut him off, refusing to argue about it anymore. "I'm okay with the way things are."  
"Wait, where are you going?" Jakotsu asked, realizing that he intended to leave, "Come lie down, it's bedtime."

"I'm not sleepy anymore," Suzaku mumbled. He sounded like he might cry. "I'll be back later."  
He quickly bid the grumpy queen goodnight and excused himself, closing the door quietly.

Jakotsu watched him leave, thinking over their conversation. Suzaku had to have been lying. He couldn't be okay with the way things were between himself and Hiten. 'How ironic…'  
Jakotsu mused. It had just occurred to him that he and his friend were in exactly opposite predicaments. It seemed that Suzaku was free to express his love for his special someone, even in public, but the two had nothing in the way of intimate, honest communication. While on the flipside, Jakotsu had enjoyed many intimate words with his partner, but had been expressly forbidden to admit that their relationship even existed to other people.  
Pretending he meant nothing to Bankotsu was bad enough, so how terrible would it feel if there was a possibility that he really didn't mean anything to the only one that he truly loved?

'I couldn't stand that,' he decided immediately. Just thinking about that made his chest hurt.  
As he lie there against those pink pillows, gazing absently around the dark, cold room, he wondered what kind of pain Suzaku's heart must have felt lying here alone every night…


	11. Kotori II: Tactile Hope

disclaimer  
I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Suzaku, Hiten, Bankotsu, Jakotsu, or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.  
(Although I wish I did own those adorable, wonderful, super kawaii, sexy little sons of...ahem! anyways)  
I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.  
I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.  
- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

(AN. I should probably put a warning here. Something about how not all readers love delicious, sweaty fanservice. But I'm too selfish. Instead I'll just say read it and review if you like what you see!)

**Not For All The World**

**Chapter Eleven: Tactile Hope; ****Hiten's Embrace**

"Hiten?"

The black-headed man sat at the kitchen table, which was cluttered with various documents and folders. The lights were down low and the clock read 1:34, yet he was wide awake, scribbling busily on a notepad, a calculator perched readily beneath his left hand.  
"Go to bed, Suzaku." He replied, without looking up.

'It figures.' As usual he was busy doing something work-related. He wouldn't even notice the sexy new pajamas if Suzaku could not get him to look this way…  
"What are you doing?" He persisted, fidgeting nervously with his little stuffed bird.

"Balancing my checkbook," Hiten sighed, punching a few more numbers into the calculator as he murmured his annoyance. "I meant to get some real work done, but then I went and lost my fucking cell phone."

"Oh…"

"Hey, have you seen my cell phone?"

"No," Suzaku mumbled, "I never touch that thing…"

"Of course. Since you hate them." Hiten chuckled, switching the little calculator off as he sat up and finally turned to meet Suzaku's gaze. His dark chocolate eyes were curious. "Well, I've asked what I wanted, so I guess it's your turn."

"Okay…" Suzaku took the seat beside him, surprised by the invitation. 'Can I sleep with you?' He wanted to ask that, but instead continued to fidget with his Kotori, realizing that he was too nervous to make such a bold request. "I'm sorry for bothering you, I guess I was just lonely…"

"Go play with the queen then."

"But I want to be with you, Hiten." He bit his lip, feeling the embarrassment burning on his cheeks. "We're never together…" 'Don't you want to be with me, too?'

"What kind of nonsense is that?" Hiten wondered, giving Suzaku a dubious look, "we live in the same house. You can be with me anytime I'm home."

"I know…"  
Suzaku squirmed, allowing silence to fill the room. As usual, it was very difficult to talk to Hiten.  
He always had this air about him that screamed 'you're wasting my time', and now at almost two in the morning, that seemed even more obvious than ever...

"Well anyway," Suzaku sighed inwardly as Hiten prepared to get back to business. He folded a page of the notebook, poised to begin writing again. But to his surprise, Hiten turned and posed a question. "I'm going shopping tomorrow. Do you want anything while I'm out?"  
Suddenly Suzaku felt even more uncomfortable. He glared down at the lifeless little bird in his hands, refusing to look at the other man. "Since you asked…"

"What?" Hiten insisted, tapping the page impatiently. "What is it? You can have whatever you like, you know that."  
Suzaku looked up at his kind smile, but turned away again, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. His heart was beating very fast… "Maybe some… Chocolates?"

"Chocolates?" Hiten repeated, raising an eyebrow at him. "I thought you hated chocolate."  
"Well sort of but…" Suzaku trailed off, still refusing to look at him. So Hiten conceded, adding it to the list he'd already started. "Chocolates it is… anything else?"  
The redhead was still blushing, and his voice was but a tiny squeak of embarrassed determination. "Flowers." At this Hiten actually laughed, pointing his pen accusingly at the other man. "What the hell? You and I both know you are allergic to pollen."

"But they're still… beautiful," he mumbled feebly.

Silently Suzaku berated himself, wishing that he had not bothered to lie. He hated flowers just as much as he hated chocolate. But that conversation with Jakotsu was still on his mind.

_'you don't even know how Hiten feels about you?'  
_  
Suzaku now realized that he wanted something, anything that would even hint that Hiten might care about him. He knew it was stupid, that a gift didn't mean much if you had to specifically request it, but he had to try anyway or he wouldn't be able to sleep…  
He felt like a puppy, wagging its tail at his master's feet, desperate for some little show of affection. He didn't care about gifts, but attention from Hiten? Now that was worth the trouble, because it meant that he could be the only thing on his mind, for once.

It hurt to know just how little Hiten thought about him, because Suzaku had a sneaking suspicion that work was not the only thing that kept his love's mind preoccupied…  
Suzaku felt his chest throb painfully as his eyes fell upon Hiten's left arm. 'Bankotsu…'  
The suave businessman always wore long sleeved suits to cover it up, but Suzaku knew the scars of his first love's name were still there. 'He's the one you really want. Ne, Hiten?'

Suzaku looked away, trying not to appear as horribly ashamed as he felt, though he knew Hiten was suspicious already. 'Flowers. That was not the smartest thing to ask for…'  
The coy redhead slipped his little bird back into his pocket as Hiten moved closer to him, abandoning his work. "Why would you need beautiful flowers to look at," He whispered, leaning in to press a kiss to each of Suzaku's burning cheeks. "When you could just look in the mirror?"

'So he did notice the new outfit… Or maybe he's talking about my face?'

"You look nervous," Hiten teased. His voice was low and husky. "Don't worry, I don't bite…"

'He wants me?' This hope flared to life instantly as Suzaku noticed his love's darkened, half lidded eyes. Inside he realized that he should refuse, but at the same time knew he could not. 'This is exactly what I want.' Oh why did Hiten have to be so astute? The kiss that was offered Suzaku now was deeper, intoxicating, and he leaned closer, obediently returning the gesture when that hot, wet tongue slid languidly across his painted pink lips. 'Yes, finally…'  
He kissed him back eagerly and slid his fingers into that smooth black hair, tugging, demanding. He wanted to be lost in this moment, lost in those eyes, because reality was too painful.

"Something must be troubling your silly little head." Hiten had broken their kiss to whisper this, but Suzaku only pulled him closer again, refusing to admit. His arms wrapped automatically around the other man's neck and he stood, shoving the chairs out of the way. "Touch me." It was not a request, and thankfully Hiten didn't delay in obeying. Those gentle hands worked their way into his silk pajamas and Suzaku kissed him again, moaning encouragement into his love's mouth. His head swam with pleasure, even as Hiten broke their sweet kiss to speak again. "I like this new outfit…" He leaned forward and began trailing kisses down Suzaku's chest, apparently amused by the way his top fell open with the slightest effort. He posed another question then, accentuating each word with one of those kisses; worshipping but at the same time wondering. "What could you possibly have to worry about? Suzaku, you can have anything you want from me…"

'No I can't.'  
Suzaku shook his head, wishing bitterly that he had never been shown that horrific scar; the one that reflected Hiten's heart onto his sleeve. 'Bankotsu already owns what I truly want…'

"I know," he murmured, nuzzling closer as those kisses found their way to his neck.  
Hiten was so close, Suzaku could feel what he wanted, beating gently against their joined chests. Each pulse was tactile hope; a quickening rhythm caused only by Hiten's affection for him. Maybe Bankotsu did own Hiten's heart, but there was definitely one thing that only Suzaku could have; his amazing body. He was the one Hiten wanted. These were his kisses and his whispers. No one else's…

The tiny red bird tumbled out of his pocket, hitting the floor, but Suzaku hardly noticed.  
He closed his eyes as Hiten snuggled up to him, and before he could stop them, the lies tumbled out as well. "All I want," He whispered, trying to stop his voice from trembling. "is for you to sleep with me."

"Is that all?"

"Of course."

'I'm such a liar…'  
Inside Suzaku wanted to cry for being so cowardly. He wanted to catch hold of that handsome face and demand to know if Hiten cared about him or not. The possibility that Hiten didn't love him was so terrible. It made his heart twist so painfully in his chest. But this pain was only temporary. It could be chased away by the heat of Hiten's touch. Surely the mind-numbing pleasure of sex would make everything okay again… 'At least make love to me…'

"If you want to, I mean..." Suzaku smiled despite himself as Hiten nodded, moving immediately to fulfill his wish. "I want what you want, Suzaku."

'See Ja-Chan? He is sweet...'  
Blinking the tears from his eyes, Suzaku smiled despite himself as Hiten kissed them from his cheeks. These bittersweet, gentle caresses made life itself worth the trouble.

Suzaku held on tight as he was swept right off his feet and lifted, bridal style into his love's arms. He marveled at how easily Hiten could carry him as he watched the kitchen disappear from the view over Hiten's shoulder. 'Ja-Chan is gonna be pissed.' Suzaku realized this, but still hoped the miffed cross dresser had been wrong all along. 'Hiten wouldn't be sweet if he just wanted to fuck. Right?' There must have been more to this than just raw sexual desire. It was so impossible not to feel cherished in those powerful arms; unthinkable to not be soothed by such sweet, tender kisses. He let himself be lain down, gazing curiously about this room which he'd only seen once before. 'Hiten's bedroom…' The crisp white sheets beneath him felt foreign on his back, the click of the doorlocks; brand new whispers in his ears. But he wasn't about to let that distract him.

Suzaku moved swiftly to rid himself of his clothing. Just as he'd anticipated, the silk fabric slid like water down his legs and he watched the delicate folds carelessly as they pooled on the floor. Funny, how this luxurious outfit had cost so much and felt so nice against his skin, only to be discarded the moment it was in the way of contact with Hiten. Suzaku sat up on those unfamiliar sheets, purposely thinking of meaningless things like this, since he'd probably lose his nerve if he focused on anything else…

Hiten had already taken off his tie. Their lips met again and Suzaku's eyes slid shut of their own accord, even though he wanted to watch those tan fingers work his beloved out of that handsome black suit. Beneath it his well-toned, perfectly tanned body was masculine art at its finest. Their bare bodies finally met; light chocolate finesse pressing firmly to snow white grace.  
Suzaku was first to break away. He'd let those hands explore his chest long enough and turned instead so he could feel them on his back. He liked not being able to meet that intense bedroom gaze, and so sat faced away from Hiten, letting his companion worship him from behind. His long red hair cascaded around his shoulders as he leaned forward. Now the kisses trailed down his back along with those smooth fingers. At least Suzaku would never have to worry over whether or not Hiten loved his body since he never missed a moment's opportunity to bathe every inch of his cold skin in searing-hot kisses. Worship was probably an understatement.

"You can fuck me now," Suzaku tittered, giggling at the annoyed huff he got in reply.  
"Telling me what to do?" Teasing always got a rise out of Hiten. Suzaku let himself be shoved onto his stomach then, and his now equally enthusiastic companion crawled on top of him.  
But Hiten stood on his knees, leaning forward so that he barely touched the snowy, pale skin beneath him.

"What's the rush? Let's have some fun…" Those smooth lips whispered this before attaching to the side of his neck. The hot, wet open-mouthed kisses made Suzaku shiver, but he lie still, reveling in what little warmth Hiten would bestow on his starving body. Hiten could probably tell that Suzaku wanted to be fucked now; to be shamed and dominated immediately. But it seemed he was purposely trying not to touch him. He wanted to play a game.  
'So, seeing if you can make me beg, ne?'

Suzaku was not very good at this game. It was so humiliating how his own body betrayed him; trembling at the slightest intimate touch. Hiten's hands slid down his sides, leaving burning trails of longing in their wake. Everywhere they touched heated instantly, begging for more contact. Hiten must have sensed this, but refused to oblige; instead he continued to tease and tempt. Every shiver those hands sent up his arching back, every moan that escaped those wet pink lips; each instance of the pleasure he elicited would reassert his dominance over his shivering partner.

'But oh, this could be fun…'  
The kiss on his neck muffled Hiten's amused growl as Suzaku finally began to move. He'd have to play along anyway. The wet kisses on his neck, the tempting scent of that heated caramel skin; it was all just liquid torture that rushed painfully between his legs...  
'Perhaps I'll play rough…'He caught hold of Hiten's long black hair and yanked, forcing his face closer, demanding to be kissed on the lips. Their tongues met and now that Hiten was distracted with the kiss, Suzaku took the opportunity to hoist his lower half up onto his knees; payback time. Now their heated bodies could press fully together and immediately he felt the stiff result of their torturous foreplay pinned against his lover's stomach. Carefully he moved, rubbing himself up against that exquisite heated skin. This caused a shuddering moan to escape his partner, but Suzaku only pressed harder; teasing.

'You wish you could resist this…'  
Now their kiss was deeper, more fervent, and every now and then Hiten's desire would betray him again. He groaned his pleasure into Suzaku's waiting mouth, deciding that he might just have to punish the stubborn redhead. Show him what rough was all about…

Their kiss was broken as Hiten moved to reassert his dominant position. He shoved Suzaku's head back to the pillows, fully prepared to ravage this luscious body and force it to satisfy the hunger it caused. But Suzaku resisted, playfully refusing to spread his legs, even though his back was arched so temptingly. The redhead wagged his imaginary tail, giggling at the frustration it would undoubtedly cause. Hiten watched him for a moment, deciding that he liked this endearing challenge. It was kind of cute how Suzaku held the upper hand, but only for a second. He would just have to put this mischievous puppy back in its place!  
Swiftly Hiten caught hold of those swaying hips and slid his tongue right between those soft, pale cheeks. Suzaku startled, and then it was an easy task to force his legs apart. But Hiten was far from done. Carefully he leaned in and pressed a sopping wet kiss to that soft pink entrance, duly noting the way his partner shuddered and moaned with intense, erotic humiliation. Finally Suzaku gave in and begged to be released. He was panting so that the words came out in huffs. "Please- Hahh…Stop…"  
Hiten obliged this time, smiling as he pulled back and allowed his submissive playmate to catch his breath. He then trailed more kisses up Suzaku's back, stopping to press a love bite onto that sweet-smelling neck. "Hiten…" This pleading, nearly inaudible moan was more than enough. The game was won and he was already poised to claim his prize. Now he could easily push past that wet, tightly clenched entrance. Immediately Hiten forced his own hips against those heated, porcelain ones, sheathing himself in the moist ecstasy of his lover's body.

Suzaku nearly cried out in shock. His dizzy, pleasure-wracked mind had not expected this sudden intrusion. But he arched his back, instinctively begging for more as his beloved slid deeper inside of him. Vaguely he realized that he had lost their game, but losing had never tasted so sweet. Hiten quickly established a rhythm; those skilled hands guided Suzaku's hips and at the same time squeezed his throbbing erection. Green eyes screwed shut as the pleasure crashed over Suzaku's entire body in hot, stiff waves. The stroking of Hiten's fingers between his legs was exquisite; it was almost as if they were inside of one another…  
Suzaku moaned his partner's name, reveling in the delicious friction that built with each thrust. 'Harder, faster,' The words didn't need to be spoken. Hiten knew. He moved only smoother, deeper, and Suzaku gasped still louder as he surrendered himself to the intensity. Even though it must have been many minutes, it seemed as if this erotic bliss continued for only a second before he could bare it no longer. His pearly white pleasure dribbled from those tan fingers and at exactly that moment, the searing essence of his lover bathed the quivering flesh between his legs.

Suzaku nearly collapsed with the sudden exhaustion, but those strong arms caught him easily and lowered him gently instead. The haze slowly cleared from his mind as he made to catch his breath. "I win," Hiten whispered, kissing him again, and Suzaku chuckled, playfully shoving him away. "Shutup." He mumbled, but Hiten only kissed him again.

True, Suzaku had lost the game, but the victor only wanted to spoil him more. Those gentle hands soon pressed against his aching back, skillfully massaging away every trace of tension or pain. Suzaku closed his mouth, trying very hard not to moan against his touch, and didn't open it again until he was satisfied. "Thank you," He whispered, and Hiten released him to prepare for sleep. He swiftly tugged the wet sheets from the bed and tossed them aside. The feather-soft blanket that he then draped over Suzaku made him smile as he snuggled instinctively into it. Finally the lights were out and Hiten took his place, crawling beneath the blanket to lie beside his pampered partner.

Suzaku felt his cheeks heat up as those lips met his just once more. It was a gentle, chaste kiss; the kind that whispered volumes without saying a single word. Those dark chocolate eyes smiled along with those lips; affectionate, generous. And Hiten snuggled a little closer before drifting silently to sleep. And as the comforting warmth and the pleading darkness beckoned his own exhausted body, Suzaku truly believed that if only for that night, his burning love for this man could not possibly be unrequited.


	12. Misao

disclaimer  
I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.  
(Although I wish I did own those adorable, wonderful, super kawaii, sexy little sons of...ahem! anyways)  
I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.  
I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.  
- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

**Not For All The World**

**Chapter Twelve: Misao**

Inuyasha wandered into the kitchen, casting timid glances at his roommate as he fixed himself a cup of ramen. Bankotsu was probably pretending he didn't exist since exams were coming up. He wondered which subject he could be studying for this time, watching as his best friend traced a finger along the page of the thick textbook in his lap. It was strange to see Bankotsu so focused, since he had never taken his studies very seriously before.

Most of the time Bankotsu skipped half of his classes and only showed up for the ones he shared with Inuyasha. Now the exact opposite was true. Inuyasha barely met up with Bankotsu, except for when they were at home. It seemed that Bankotsu had completely changed both his schedule and his daily routine…  
Nowadays Bankotsu never had anything to say, and very rarely turned his attention away from the computer screen or his textbooks, whatever he happened to be studying at the time. This irked Inuyasha, but he had decided to just let it be.

"Hey."

Inuyasha started, cursing loudly as his finger slipped into the boiling ramen water.  
"What?" he replied, trying not to sound surprised that Bankotsu had finally spoken to him.

"Have you taken much English?" Bankotsu wondered, sounding genuinely curious.

Inuyasha jumped at the opportunity to talk to him, forgetting his ramen as he strode over to the other man.  
"I was forced to take plenty of that in high school…"

"This word," Bankotsu held up the book, indicating the romanji. "Misao. Any idea how you say that in English?"

"Misao…" Inuyasha repeated vaguely. He could have sworn he'd heard it before.

"Yeah, like Jakotsu, kind of…" Bankotsu trailed off, suddenly becoming embarrassed as Inuyasha began to snicker. "Never mind I'll just try to find it online."

"Misao? Jakotsu?" He smiled at his friend's red cheeks, but took the pen from him, carefully tracing out some English letters. "L-O-Y-A-L." He read aloud, hoping he'd gotten it right.  
"Something like that. But there's another one too. Like finel or was it…fidely?"

"Ah!" Bankotsu smiled at the word, taking his pen back. "Fidelity. That's what I was thinking of!" He wrote it down, circling it on the page. "I hate this complicated English shit."

"Why are you taking English? Don't you suck at writing?" It slipped out before he could stop himself, and Inuyasha turned to hide his embarrassment, snatching his ramen from the counter. "I mean, not that I'm any good at writing and literature… Dumb, shit like that."

"Yeah, I guess I do kinda suck at it," Bankotsu admitted, shutting the little book. Now that Inuyasha got a look at the cover, he supposed it must have been a romance story. No wonder it used lofty words like 'fidelity'…

"But I really want to get English down. Jakotsu learned some of it in college with Midari, so I thought I'd better try to pick it up too…"

"Who's Midari?" Inuyasha inquired, his chopsticks frozen as he tried to recall the name.  
"Someone in our year?"

"No." Bankotsu looked a little peeved now and Inuyasha cocked his head quizzically.  
"Then how do you know this Midari person?"  
"He's Jakotsu's best friend…" Bankotsu trailed off again, staring intently at the little word he had written. He crossed it out with his pen, deciding that it didn't apply to Jakotsu after all.  
'That's right. Midari is just another of Jakotsu's past lovers.' The thought still made his heart ache, but he played it off and answered Inuyasha's curious gaze.  
"Midari Suzaku is the one Jakotsu is visiting in America. Along with Raiyuki Hiten..."

"So Midari is his last name," Inuyasha guessed, trying to get as much information as he could while Bankotsu was finally talking. "And who's this Hiten guy?" He had asked out of mere curiosity, but to his dismay he Bankotsu's features turned dark at hearing that question.

"Raiyuki Hiten." He replied, staring hard at his book so that he wouldn't have to look at Inuyasha. "Hiten is 21 now, born in April; Taurus. He's 167cm tall, weighs 65kg, long black hair he wears in a braid, bright brown eyes, short bangs and dark purple jewels tattooed on his forehead."

Inuyasha stared at him for a moment, stunned. It sounded like Bankotsu was quoting from a textbook he'd memorized. Or else… "Is he like your clone or some shit?"

"I hate his guts." Bankotsu replied tartly, "and my eyes are blue, thank you very much."

"Yeesh," Inuyasha raised his hands defensively as he said this, "well sorry."

"Misao…" Bankotsu mumbled, turning away from him and beginning to scribble away on his notepad. It seemed clear that their conversation was over, so Inuyasha decided to leave him alone. He sat on the sofa, staring vacantly at a variety show that he had not even noticed was playing on the television. The volume was muted, and so he turned a little, his ears catching Bankotsu's next mumble. "The exact opposite of Hiten…"

_'Yeah right!'_ Bankotsu stared blankly at the mess he'd made out of his assignment. He could practically hear Hiten rebuffing him._ 'We'll be together forever, ne?' _That's what Hiten would have said. Then he would have flashed that cocky grin and pressed their foreheads together. He used to love it when their tattoos met. Stars and jewels. They weren't the same thing, but they held the same meaning. Forever bright, forever dazzling. Just like that smile, just like those eyes…

_'Hey… Did you never even think to ask me to go with you to prom?'_

Bankotsu stood, ignoring his books as they tumbled to the floor. His feet moved of their own accord and before he knew it he'd locked himself into his own dark room. He lie on his bed, not even bothering to turn on the lights, and closed his eyes. Just thinking about Hiten made him feel exhausted, yet the image just would not leave his mind. He hugged his pillow, pressing the fabric to his chest so that he could imagine it was Hiten. He wanted very much to be held again by his own best friend. If it really were Hiten, if those strong arms were wrapped around him again like he could imagine, those lips would be unfazed; smiling...

_'You're such a girl!' _Hiten would tease, but he would hold on tight just the same, and then he'd probably insist that they go out._ 'Come on, I'll buy you something nice to cheer you up!'_

Now that he thought back on it, Bankotsu realized that Hiten had always spoiled him and treated him differently from his other friends, including the entire football team. He would never have done so in front of the others, but whenever they were alone Hiten always found some way of casually touching Bankotsu. He teased and lied all of the time, so apparently it was only his body that ever spoke the truth. Those light caresses and delicate embraces were reserved only for Bankotsu. Even now he could still recall the intensity of that chocolate-brown gaze and the heat of those hands on his body.

More than once Bankotsu had suspected it meant love. But he had foolishly shaken that thought aside. Maybe he had just been in denial, or maybe he was blinded, distracted by his own dazzling love for Jakotsu…

Bankotsu sat up, pulling his cell phone out so that he could stare at the screen. He wanted to call Jakotsu with the numbers he had recorded. The one that was listed as Aisuru's cell phone only retrieved a robotic voice recording, but the one listed as Hiten's home phone actually rang, but no one ever answered it… Maybe that was a good thing, because Bankotsu might have just hung up if he wound up on the line with Hiten. Or maybe not… What would he do if he really did hear Hiten's voice again? Yell, laugh or cry?

_'Touch me…' _Bankotsu closed his eyes, lying back against the crisp sheets of his bed. But for that moment the mattress felt more like the leather seat of his car…_ 'Best friends shouldn't have memories like this.'_ He remembered that shivering voice like it was yesterday and could almost feel the heat of those hands on his skin…

'What if I had asked Hiten to prom?' Everyone knew that it didn't really matter who you brought to the prom, but who you went home with afterwards…  
"What if?" That was such a dangerous question, Bankotsu knew, but he couldn't help but wonder. He could easily guess the answer, since he knew Hiten so well. 'Misao…' In truth, that word perfectly described Hiten; fiercely loyal. Bankotsu had never been in a relationship with someone like that. What would it be like to date someone that was so completely devoted to you? 'As they say, best friends make the best lovers.' but even as he thought this, Bankotsu remembered something Jakotsu had said to him about Hiten's 'lover'.  
_  
'Or didn't you know, Bankotsu. They live together now! I suspect they are lovers!'_

"Midari Suzaku…" He whispered, thinking now of that redheaded beauty. Was it really possible that this Suzaku was Hiten's lover now? If so, then perhaps Hiten was now loyal to Suzaku instead... Then maybe it wouldn't be too awkward to hear from him again.

'The odds of that aren't very good though…'

Bankotsu sighed, tossing his cell phone aside. He couldn't do it. He couldn't face Hiten again. He pressed a finger to his own forehead, wishing suddenly that he could wipe the tattoo away. He still remembered the day he'd gotten it inked onto his forehead. That cocky smile flashed at him from across the room. The pain was blinding, excruciating, but something about that smile made it bearable. Something about that look in his eyes made it seem like a smart idea.

"Forever." That was the promise they had made permanent; etched into their foreheads. And all the while he had not realized what it truly meant. Forever, like the shining of the North star. Forever, like the sparkle of a jewel. And forever, like love.  
'And maybe that's what Hiten had been trying to confess all along…'

* * *

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Jakotsu leaned over his breakfast, giving his best friend a knowing grin. "You didn't come back to bed with me last night…" He laughed as Suzaku's cheeks burned bright red. "I bet you went and talked to Hiten instead, right?" The redhead nearly choked on his oatmeal due to the shock, but he still managed a timid nod.

"Spill it!" His queen insisted, leaning in so they could whisper, "What'd he say?"

"That he's going shopping today…" Suzaku backed away, hiding behind his bowl as the taller man rounded on him, his long red hair almost touched the food, but he didn't notice.

"That is not what I'm asking about!"

"Okay okay!" He hissed, trying to get his loudmouth partner to lower his voice. The two turned to look at Hiten, who was only a few feet away. He stood at the kitchen sink, washing the dishes, but luckily he seemed unaware of their conversation.

"Did you ask him to go out with you?!"

"Well… not exactly." If it was possible, Suzaku's cheeks turned redder still as he said this, and his voice was an almost inaudible whisper. "I never got to ask about that…"

"Why not?!" Jakotsu demanded, he was definitely not amused…

"I meant to, I just lost track of what I was supposed to say!"

Black eyes glared dangerously, blinking their displeasure. "Lost track?!" Their owner seethed.  
"I can't help it!" Suzaku bowed frantically, ashamed. "I can't think when Hiten touches me!"

At this Jakotsu started, catching on "You'd better not tell me you wound up fucking him again!"

"No…" Suzaku muttered, looking away. "Technically he fucked me…"  
He started, waving his hands at Jakotsu's look of disgust. "It wasn't even fucking, it was more fun like… romping? Anyway, it felt really, really good..."  
Standing, his majesty pointed a dramatic, accusing finger at his friend, whose eyes were now glazed over at the thought of his nighttime endeavors. "It felt good?! Is that all you have to say for yourself! Is the only head you have the one in your pants?"

"Yeah, probably," Suzaku conceded, sighing. "Oh Ja-Chan, he's amazing…"

"You're such a whore!"

"I am not!"

"I told you not to fuck people you're not dating!"

At this Suzaku started, arguing heatedly back. "Hypocrite! You volunteered to fuck me in college even though you were already dating Bankotsu!"

Their argument came to a crashing halt as the sound of breaking glass met their ears. Both men fell silent, turning to their unsuspecting audience. Hiten stood, frozen in front of the now empty sink. The shattered remains of a glass cup lay on the floor at his shoes. "Fuck." He quickly bowed to clean up his mess, but then immediately left the room, looking very ill at ease.

"Was it something I said?" Jakotsu wondered, regaining his seat. Suzaku however stood and followed after his love. He found Hiten easily. The black-haired object of his affection had retreated into the hallway, and was now leaning against the wall. Hiten's fingers were pressed to the little golden locket he wore, and he was so deep in thought that he didn't seem to notice Suzaku's approach.

At that moment, a troubling notion came to mind as Suzaku went back over that conversation in his head. The very last word that had left his mouth was 'Bankotsu', a name that just so happened to be carved into Hiten's arm. He would never forget that day in the clinic when his love first spoke of Bankotsu. It was with an air of affectionate reverence, or as Hiten had called it; 'something like love.' Was Hiten thinking of that same man now?

'Does Hiten still love Bankotsu?'

Suddenly he felt sick with dread, but still Suzaku took one step closer, unable to just leave him be. Automatically his eyes skimmed over that left arm that had been permanently branded with someone else's name. And then, as his gaze moved upward it fell onto that locket; the golden locket that Hiten never took off. Hiten was holding it in his hand now, as if he were praying to it. What did that locket mean to him? 'Something like love?'

"Hiten?"

At hearing his name, Hiten snapped to it, but his fingers immediately left the smooth little locket.  
'Why? Is he ashamed to have been caught holding it?' The thought made Suzaku's chest constrict painfully. Their eyes met for only a few tense moments, and it seemed like Hiten wanted to speak. But he closed his mouth again and instead made to leave. He brushed past both of his confused roommates, snatching his keys off the hook as he retreated out the front door.

"What's with him?" Jakotsu wondered.

Suzaku shook his head, watching out the window as his love drove away. "Maybe…"  
He ventured, unable to keep the sadness from his voice, "He's thinking of another man."

'Bankotsu…' Silently he berated himself, returning to the table with his clueless companion.  
'Am I just his replacement?'

"You don't know that…" Jakotsu offered.

But Suzaku shrugged at his queen's attempt at encouraging him and shook his graceful head. "It doesn't matter anyway. Hiten can think of whatever or whoever he wants. It's not like I'm some kind of jealous wife…"

"Liar." Jakotsu mumbled, downing his entire glass of orange juice with one final gulp.  
"Maybe he's just mad cuz you said I volunteered to fuck you. Remember? Is Hiten the jealous type?"

"I guess that's possible," the redhead replied, considering. This was a very new possibility, since Suzaku was always alone with Hiten. But the more he thought about it the more it made sense. That would explain why Hiten was holding the locket… Oh, how wonderful it would be if Hiten really were jealous! If only he were! If only he would snatch Suzaku up and hold him close, instead of Bankotsu, or that locket, or anything else!. 'That would be… positively heavenly.' Suzaku sighed, wishing he could test his friend's theory. Maybe Jakotsu knew what he was talking about. That bubble-headed cross dresser was actually quite astute when it came to affairs of the heart…

'Now I think I'd like to make Hiten jealous. Ja-Chan always gives me such naughty ideas…'

The queen was standing now, and Suzaku watched him affectionately as he made to clean up their mess. Usually that was Hiten's job, but it seemed that his gracious guest didn't mind helping out. That cute little bun bobbed along as Jakotsu busied himself, running to and fro as he cleaned the kitchen. He was slender and beautiful, with a heart of pure gold. There was no questioning the fact that Jakotsu loved Suzaku. He was just that kind of person, open and honest with his heart on his sleeves.

Bitterly Suzaku tore his eyes from this beautiful creature, thinking again of Bankotsu. What a lucky man he was, to have captured the hearts of both Jakotsu and Hiten. If only hearts were transferable, like bargaining chips. He would offer Bankotsu anything in the world to be given Hiten's… He laughed wryly as this ridiculous notion surfaced, and Jakotsu took note.

"What's funny?" The queen wondered, coming back over to the now spotlessly cleaned table.  
"Nothing," Suzaku quickly lied, standing up. He shook off his worries of Hiten and decided to get on with entertaining his guest.. "What shall we do today, Ja-Chan?"

"Watch American TV?" Jakotsu ventured, gesturing toward the living room.

"Mou, I hate TV! There's nothing but stupid, slutty women, trashy reality shows and dubbed anime."

"Eww, dubbed!" Jakotsu shuddered.  
"It's the worst!" Suzaku sighed, sprawling himself dramatically onto the table. He lie there in fretful silence for a moment, but then he sat up, balancing on the thick glass tabletop.  
"Hey I know what we could do for fun!"

"What?" Jakotsu asked sarcastically. He already knew the answer would be something perverted. "Fuck? Is that all you ever think about?"

"No!" Suzaku giggled, his velvet hair shook along with his head so that it formed a messy little curtain in front of his blushing cheeks. "You're the one who suggested it…"

"Uh huh." his queen chuckled, wandering over to his mischievous best friend.  
"Let me guess, you want to do something that feels good."  
Suzaku nodded, completely unfazed by his majesty's retort of "Whore."

"You like it," He teased, catching hold of his now snickering friend. He pulled the taller, resisting man closer to himself, but just barely missed his curved, highly amused lips.

"You can kiss my ass." Jakotsu snickered. He turned away, yanking Suzaku from the smooth glass surface. Unfazed, he landed gracefully and immediately launched himself into Jakotsu, embracing him from behind. "Meanie!" he fake-whined, pretending to be disappointed as his friend dragged him along.

"Yeah right," The queen laughed, leaning back into him. "You wouldn't really fuck me. That would be cheating on your would be boyfriend!"

"Mou, don't be mean Ja-Chan. I can still think of Hiten as my boyfriend, even if he doesn't call me that…"

"Hmph, I don't think I approve of that," Jakotsu stood haughty and regal with his nose in the air. "And remember I am the queen here. So what I say goes!"

"Okay," Suzaku giggled, deciding to play along "and what is your royal decree your highness?"  
Jakotsu paused, thinking, but soon made up his mind. "I don't want you to even think about Hiten for the rest of the day! Instead I want you to… make art with your queen!"

Suzaku laughed, "Yes master!"

The queen then gave a theatric huff, leading his new vassal back to their room.  
"Finger paints?" Suzaku whispered hopefully. But his majesty shook his head at this request, shoving his perverted friend into the room before him, "Not with this on!" He indicated his adorable and very expensive little skirt but Suzaku only laughed.

"Just take it off."

* * *

Suzaku shuffled into the laundry room, kicking the door closed as he set down a basket of Jakotsu's now ruined clothes. Somehow the two of them had managed to get paint all over themselves. And then that stubborn queen insisted that Suzaku should be the one to wash them!  
He dumped the basket into the washing machine, which was already half full. 'Probably some of Hiten's stuff…'

He measured out the powdered detergent and poured it in, grumbling all the while about how unfair it was that he should be the one washing the clothes. But just as he reached out to mash the power button, an unfamiliar sound issued from the depths of the machine. It sounded almost like… a ringtone?

He reached in, digging through the powdered mass of clothing and extracted a pair of black pants. Inside the left pocket was the source of the racket. Absently he mashed the power button now, watching the warm water as it filled the basin. The cell phone was not ringing anymore.  
He flipped it open and checked the missed call. "Lover…"  
That was all it said. There was no picture. And strangely enough, the word 'lover' was written in the English alphabet, while everything else on the phone was written in Japanese.

'What is this, like some kind of secret lover?'

He stared down at the black pants, but they didn't look familiar. They were black dress pants, and since Jakotsu only ever wore skirts, it was safe to assume these must have been Hiten's. At that moment he remembered something Hiten had said the previous night:_ 'Hey, have you seen my cell phone?'_

So this was the missing cell phone? Suzaku hated them and had never seen Hiten's before since it was only used for business. Normally Hiten would set it to silent while in the house…  
'So this means,' He stared down at the stupid little electronic device, suddenly angry.  
'My Hiten… Loves someone else?'

"Lover…"  
Tears stung his eyes as he read that name again and considered it. 'What does this lover person have that I don't?' What kind of person could be lucky enough to be considered Hiten's lover? A beautiful, long-haired lady like that bitchy Kaguya? Or another athletic man like Hiten's precious Bankotsu?  
It didn't matter who this person was. Male or female; Suzaku hated them!  
As he stared down through watery, bleary eyes, the cell phone suddenly sprung back to life. Again that ringtone issued and the word flashed immediately across the LCD backlight. The ringtone was a lovesong… Without thinking he dropped the cellphone, and watched as it bounced off the side of the washing machine and landed with a satisfying 'plunk!' into the deep, foamy water.

The room was silent now. He closed the lid of the washing machine and listened to the electronic whir of the wings turning. If he'd had the choice, he would have liked to meet this 'Lover' and shove their head into the water instead.

* * *

"So you're sure? Hiten is definitely sleeping with someone else?"  
Jakotsu stared incredulously at his obviously distressed best friend.

"He calls her 'lover'!" Suzaku groaned, sinking to his knees at the very thought of it. "Lover! And he never even calls me Su-Chan like you do!"

Jakotsu hurried over, taking a seat on the floor beside him. Suzaku looked like he might cry, or else pull his hair out. "Why?!" he moaned, sobbing miserably, "What does she have that I don't?!"

"A vagina?" Jakotsu ventured, causing his best friend to bristle.  
"She might be a man, though…"

"Maybe." Suzaku conceded, though he obviously didn't care. "I hate her fucking guts."

"Well I can't say I'm too surprised." Jakotsu thought out loud, "I mean, you said yourself you guys aren't dating or anything. Hiten probably has tons of people he fucks around with."

"Don't say that!" Suzaku sprawled himself onto the floor, his hands over his face. He didn't even seem to care that he'd just crushed a box of pastels beneath himself. The redhead mumbled between his fingers, "I'm just gonna go drown myself now. That's what I'll do…"

Jakotsu rolled his eyes, leaning over his dramatic best friend. "Don't be stupid," He scoffed, "two can play at this cheating game. Let's give him a run for his money!"

Suzaku started, sitting up as the queen began to take his clothes off.

"But Ja-Chan, two wrongs don't make a right…"

"No, but revenge is so sweet…" The queen offered him a twisted smile, a finger pressed thoughtfully to his cherry-red lips. "But I suppose we shouldn't stoop to his level… We don't have to actually fuck. We just have to make it look like we have."

"How?" The curious redhead watched his queen, who had turned to dig through his many bags of women's clothing. "With this." Jakotsu held up the little red babydoll for Suzaku to see. "Lingerie?" Suzaku mumbled, looking very embarrassed. It was safe to assume that he had never even seen something like this, so Jakotsu offered an explanation to his naïve friend.  
"This is called a 'babydoll'. Basically just a totally cute, sexy top. Women only wear these on… Halloween, Valentines day, and at home when they want to be fucked."

Suzaku nodded, looking over this newly named 'babydoll'. It was practically see-through, except for the dark red feathery looking fluff at the bottom. He watched as Jakotsu pulled it on and then slid easily out of his skirt, replacing his briefs with a blood red thong before unrolling a pair of matching thigh-highs. "How's this?" Jakotsu asked, doing a little turn so Suzaku could see his entire, scandalous outfit.

"You look like a stripper," his friend replied dubiously, "Do I have to wear something like that too?" "No, no!" the queen insisted, "We don't want the poor guy to die of a nosebleed!" He sidled over to his friend and easily slid his hands under Suzaku's shirt. He pulled it off, over his head and tossed it aside. "This should be good enough…"

Jakotsu was actually having fun with this. He reached over and dug through the box of oil pastels. "Blue is easy to see against red," he decided, handing the dark blue pastel to Suzaku.  
He then stood and wandered over to the bed. "Now Su-Chan, you have to draw a portrait of me wearing this. Make it sexy. Oh, and once your hands are all nice and messy, come and touch me with them. Get blue all over me, okay?"

'Talk about playing dirty…'

"That's so mean…" Suzaku mumbled, but he obediently went to work anyway, doing just what his queen had asked. He set down many blank portraits, deciding that he would need at least six to create a picture large enough to capture his best friend's breathtaking beauty.  
"Pick a comfortable pose," he suggested, watching Jakotsu stretch out seductively across the bed. "Like this?" The cross dresser asked, settling himself so that his stomach lay flat against the sheets. He let his hair down so that it fell messy and wild about his shoulders, and then he lie his head on his folded arms and bent his knees so that his feet dangled in the air, just above his tight, nearly exposed ass. "That's nice," Suzaku decided, moving so that he could get a good view of his queen's whole body. "now hold still…"


	13. Ethereal

disclaimer

I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, Suzaku, Hiten or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.

I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.

I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.

- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

(AN. As always, please Read, Review, and most importantly, Enjoy. )

**Not For All the World  
**

**Chapter Thirteen: Ethereal**

Hiten frowned at the sight of his two 'artistic' roommates.  
He had meant to announce that dinner was ready, but found himself totally distracted by their ridiculous preoccupations. It seemed that Suzaku was lost in his mode. The artistic redhead had placed many different blank portraits on the ground and was diligently tracing over each one with a blue pastel, trying to create one grand image, linking each piece together. Suzaku was shirtless for some reason and had smudged so much of the pastel onto himself that he looked like he had just finished wrestling with a smurf.  
Meanwhile queen Jakotsu himself lay on Suzaku's bed, sporting red thigh highs and a tiny red baby doll which just barely covered his pale, scandalously nearly exposed ass. His dark, silken hair was loose, hanging about his shoulders. Just the sight of him was positively erotic.

"He's drawing me," The cross dresser informed, not even looking over as he continued to snack on a large box of assorted chocolates. The queen bit each one in half, looking thoroughly pleased as he watched his loyal subject create.

"I bought those chocolates for Suzaku…" Hiten growled, trying not to glare at his almost naked guest as Jakotsu popped another one into his mouth. "Su-Chan said he'll only take the strawberry ones," Jakotsu replied, rolling lazily onto his side. The little silk baby doll slid dangerously and Hiten averted his gaze from the shameless, scantily clad other man.

'Wow. That was more of Jakotsu than I ever want to see again…'  
"Um…" Hiten scanned the room, observing the many new portraits that Jakotsu had apparently nailed to the walls. "Suzaku, Wouldn't you rather draw something more appropriate to show off?" He indicated one of the paintings on the wall which he thought was especially lovely. "Something like that maybe?"

He had meant to clear the awkward air, but this comment proved to have the opposite effect. Suzaku finally snapped out of his artistic trance, but when his curious eyes beheld the painting Hiten was referring to, he glared with spite at his love. 'That fucking star.'  
Of all the gorgeous artwork in the room, that damn man just had to choose the one that had been inspired by Bankotsu! "That's not even my work." Suzaku spat, turning away.

"Well it's still nice…" Hiten mumbled, surprised at the hostility his usually docile companion had shot at him. "Why are you-"  
"Oh, I found a strawberry one!" Jakotsu interjected, cutting across him. The cross dresser had carefully peeled the chocolate shell and eaten it for himself, but when he reached the creamy pink core he held it out triumphantly in his hand and Suzaku sat up to take it from him.

Those delicate pink lips closed upon his outstretched finger, taking the treat into his eager mouth. "Mmm" Suzaku practically moaned, his tongue flicking out to lick the sweet spot where it used to lay. The sight was positively erotic, and something inside of Hiten began to stir uncomfortably to life. Something he hadn't felt in years… But he contained himself and stood frozen, watching their next exchange.

Suzaku had put a hand to his best friend's face, but then backed off, giggling as he apologized for the blue smudge he'd left. With a very unpleasant jolt, Hiten came to realize that the smurf Suzaku had wrestled with must have been Jakotsu himself, since the black-haired man had many other blue smudges on his body. They were all over his legs, easily visible through the red, feathery frills about Jakotsu's pale hips. 'I should fucking kill him…'

Hiten shook his head, then, trying to chase off the sudden, ridiculous urge to strangle the grinning cross dresser. 'No, no! I shouldn't overreact...'  
Maybe Suzaku had only touched Jakotsu on accident? Or maybe they had just gotten into a friendly wrestling match? But that image was just as erotic. Those slim, beautiful bodies would be entwined, romping on his Suzaku's bed. Touching his Suzaku's flawless, porcelain skin…

'Or maybe I should kill Suzaku…'  
Unfortunately that thought was even more absurd…

So Hiten stood there, vaguely aware that those gorgeous green eyes were watching him. For a while he was speechless, but he eventually found his voice and when he spoke again it was with careful restraint. "Suzaku," He met the redhead's curious gaze, forcing the fury back down into his stomach. "I was thinking… Maybe you should sleep in my room from now on."

"Why should he?!" The queen immediately questioned, but Hiten ignored him.

"Suzaku, this room is supposed to be a guest room anyway… But you can stay with me even after Jakotsu goes home to Japan."

Suzaku stood, his eyes were suddenly wide and shining with anticipation; they saw only Hiten.

"You mean it?!" As Hiten nodded, the ecstatic redhead threw himself into the arms of the one he so adored. He danced on the spot, positively giddy with joy. "Ne, Hiten! You mean I can come to bed with you every night?!"

"If that is what you wish," he replied, letting a little bit of relief calm him as he held his Suzaku close. "But Hiten…" Suzaku smiled mischievously now. He seemed to have noticed he had Hiten right where he wanted him. "But what Suzaku?"

"But Ja-Chan holds me close every night so I won't have bad dreams…"

"Then I will do that." Hiten immediately decided. 'As long as you won't sleep with anyone else…'

But Suzaku continued, pouting as he spoke again.  
"Well Ja-Chan wakes me up every morning with a kiss…"

Hiten rolled his eyes, glaring at those pleading green ones. He leaned forward and pressed a chaste little peck onto Suzaku's smiling lips and the redhead clung to him, looking like he might die of happiness. "Ne, Hiten… You should also call me Su-Chan..."

"Fine, whatever," he conceded, and finally Suzaku released him, "so is that a yes, Su-Chan?"  
Suzaku nodded, "I'll sleep in Hiten's room from now on."

"You'd better."  
With that settled, Hiten turned to leave, calling behind himself so that they'd know it was time to clean up and come to dinner. And then he was gone.

"Oh my gawwd!" Suzaku gushed, closing the door so that he couldn't be overheard.  
"Did you see that?!"

"Well duh." His best friend replied, not even pretending to be pleased with this new development. "But so what? He still didn't say he'd date you. He just wants you to sleep with him so he'll be the only one to fuck you. That means you're just a fucktoy."

"Not for long!" Suzaku assured, beaming, "I bet I could get him to agree to anything when he's all flustered and jealous like that!" He cast his eyes upward, feeling lighter than air as he recalled his own mischievous antics. "Did you see that look on his face when I licked your fingers?!"

"Yes…"

"He hated it!" Suzaku laughed, proud of himself. "I bet it made him hard just seeing us together!" He crawled up onto the bed, positioning himself provocatively above his scantily clad best friend. "Thanks for playing along," He whispered, "let's fuck, Ja-Chan. It would be so perfect…" He smiled wickedly, pressing his hips to those of the gorgeous queen beneath him.

"Not now!" Jakotsu laughed, rolling so that his companion fell off, onto the bed.  
"He'd be so pissed. What if he like, freaked out or something?"

"That would be so hot." Suzaku swooned, "I bet he'd forget all about his stupid 'Lover' chick. He'd be so sorry he ever let me out of his sight…"  
Jakotsu frowned at this, shaking his head. "You are crazy. Just because he gets jealous doesn't mean he cares about you. It just means he's the controlling type…"

"Whatever…" Suzaku stood and made his way out of the room.  
"I guess we'd better shower before dinner."

"Su-Chan!"

"Hmm?" He turned, meeting his majesty's serious glare.  
"If he's cheating, you have to break up with him, you know that right?"

"But-"

"No buts, Su-Chan." Jakotsu sighed, taking his best friend's hands into his own. "Seriously, you could get AIDS or something. If he won't stop cheating and you won't stop sleeping with him, that's a disaster waiting to happen."

"I won't leave him." Suzaku replied, matter-of-factly. With that said, the redhead left, closing the door on his best friend's complaints.

* * *

Hiten didn't turn around when he heard one of his roommates enter the kitchen, but remained focused on the 3-course meal he was preparing. But Suzaku wasn't about to let himself be ignored. "Ne Hiten," he began, slinging his still slightly wet hair over his shoulder so that little droplets of water sprinkled his companion. "I've just left the shower. Your Su-Chan will be all nice and clean for you tonight…"  
Hiten bristled, obviously catching his drift, but still refused to look at him. He spoke icily, focused on his cooking rather than his blushing, wet companion. "That's nice, Su-Chan… But do you intend to leave your flowers out on the table to wither?"

Suzaku started, confused, but then his eyes fell on the lovely bouquet that Hiten must have set out on the table for him. 'So, he bought them after all…' For a moment Suzaku wondered how he could have missed such a bright display of pink and red; his two favorite colors. The flowers had obviously been selected with the utmost care. They had a light scent to them, and as he made to pick them up, Suzaku marveled at the fact that he was not sneezing, even though he was allergic to pollen. 'How sweet…'  
"No, I won't let them wither," He assured, hurrying to set them in a vase of water. "But I don't want the to make me sneeze. So perhaps…" He put a finger to his lips in mock curious thought as another mischievous idea entered his mind. "I'll just give them to Jakotsu."

That did it. Hiten finally turned around with an unmistakable hint of anger betraying his usually calm voice. "They are not for Jakotsu." He grit out, setting the main course on the table with a loud 'clack'. "I bought those especially for you Suzaku!"

"Su-Chan," The redhead corrected, and at that instant his love closed the distance between them, practically growling. "I will call you by that cute name when you start acting cute!"

"Hmph!"

"Don't hmph me!"  
Suzaku gasped as Hiten took hold of the chair he was sitting on and yanked so that in one split second it had done a 180, forcing him to face Hiten. Suzaku tottered a little, caught off guard, but the strong hands of the man before him caught hold of him and skillfully bade him look up, into their owner's fierce eyes. "I don't appreciate you giving away presents that I bought at your own damn request!" Suzaku started to say something but Hiten cut him off, not allowing any room for argument. "If you didn't want them then you shouldn't have asked for them."

Like a child being reprimanded, the timid redhead nodded, bowing so that he couldn't see the stern look in those glaring, cat-like eyes. Hiten suddenly sounded very angry, like he really wanted to hurt someone. He wasn't speaking, but rather growling in his fury "And furthermore…" Suzaku struggled as his stronger companion pulled him close, into a rough and forcibly intimate embrace. He felt those powerful hands slide under his shirt, painfully gripping his sides with that startling, undeniable authority that was uniquely Hiten. "You belong to me," his captor began, forcing Suzaku to meet his fierce gaze again. "and that means your body is mine as well."

'Hiten is so angry. I've never seen him look this scary…' Suzaku shivered from the intensity, but at the same time the submissive redhead wished foolishly for a kiss from those tight, frowning lips. He hated being treated like this. It scared him, but at the same time he craved the intimacy of it.

"Understand? You'd better not let anyone else defile what is not yours to offer."

Suzaku felt his cheeks heat up, blushing furiously as he made to release himself from Hiten's controlling hold. 'Like Ja-Chan said, does Hiten think I am his fucktoy?!'  
An uncharacteristic rush of stubborn defiance escaped before he could stop it. "What are you saying," He demanded, "Is that all I am to you, a possession?"

But Hiten stood his ground, completely unabashed and if anything, even more angry.  
"I am saying that I had better not catch you acting like that again! Sitting around, half-dressed, with someone else's fingers in your mouth! What the hell else did you expect?!"

"I expect you to mind your business," Suzaku retorted, "And this is my mouth, not yours, I'll put it where I damn well please!" But just as he spoke those words he wished he had not. Because Hiten now glared down at him with murder in his eyes; fury the like of which he had never witnessed on his love's normally calm, handsome face.

Hiten bore down on him and at that moment time seemed to stop. Suzaku found himself frozen, unable to even breathe as he closed his eyes against that dark threatening glare. Hiten spoke again, and now each syllable positively dripped with venom. "You had better not dare cheat on me, Suzaku." He hissed. His grip was suddenly tight and very painful. Surely there would be bruises shaped exactly like his fingers on Suzaku's sides by the time he was done… "If I find out that you let anyone else fuck this flawless, ethereal body of yours, I swear to God I will-"

"Something smells heavenly!"  
The two men abruptly broke apart as Jakotsu rounded the corner. Their guest wandered into the kitchen with his nose in the air, blissfully unaware of the tense conversation he had so rudely interrupted. Jakotsu was still drying his hair after his own shower, but had apparently been enticed into the kitchen by the smell of their dinner. "Where in the world did you learn to cook like this?" The cross dresser beamed, clasping his hands together as he surveyed the arrangement Hiten had already lined up for their lavish dinner.

Suzaku shivered slightly, even as his captor stood and left him. Without another word Hiten hurried back over to the stove, switching off the pot of still boiling rice. He was right back to his old self. It was as if nothing had even happened…

"Su-Chan why aren't you facing the table?" The oblivious queen wondered as he took his seat beside his stunned friend. "What's with that face? Looks like you saw a ghost."

"Flawless," was all Suzaku managed to say. 'Hiten thinks I am flawless and…'  
He sighed with a disbelieving hand to his own face. "Ethereal..."  
"You're so vain!" Jakotsu laughed, helping his friend to turn his seat back around so that it was facing the table again. Finally their host joined them, placing the last of the dishes he'd prepared before taking his own seat on the opposite side of the table. Hiten smiled graciously, motioning for the two others to help themselves first. "I hope you are starving."

Jakotsu moved immediately to begin serving himself, but Suzaku stayed quite still, his eyes focused on the suddenly kind, gentle Hiten across the table. With his hands folded beneath his chin, the man he loved blew Suzaku a kiss. His recent anger and controlling hold had disappeared just like that, as if their entire conversation had never even taken place. But Suzaku was certain he would never forget a single word of it. It had been so passionate and private, the way he had been held close and then suddenly released when Jakotsu arrived. Maybe it was wrong of him, but he couldn't help but feel a rush of joy even though his sides still ached where Hiten had caught hold of him. Now, despite everything, he felt that he truly did hold a special place in this man's life. Now, more than ever…

'I think I love this new, jealous Hiten…'

* * *

----------------------------

Hiten frowned as he watched his beautiful companion sleep. Suzaku had to have been the most amazing thing he'd ever laid eyes on.

The redhead had taken off his shirt before bed, as usual, and so his pale back shown almost snow-white against the black comforter. His long, silken hair disappeared beneath the sheets, seeming to stretch on forever. He looked just like an angel, snoozing away with that steady breathing and flawless form. Hiten ghosted his fingers over that pale skin, immediately recognizing the new purple bruises on his sides. Suzaku had a tendency to bruise easily, but Hiten still felt a sharp pang of regret when he realized that he'd made these bruises with his own hands. 'I'm sorry…' Suddenly he wanted to kiss them, like pressing an invisible bandaid over the wounds he'd caused.

He didn't want to be rough with Suzaku; never had he intended to hurt this angel…

But even now Hiten could not sleep for the worries that plagued his mind; worries brought on by this mischievous 'angel' of his. That precious creature slept so soundly, despite being in a bed that he was not accustomed to. Normally Hiten didn't allow Suzaku in his bed, unless of course he was naked. 'But from now on things will be different…' No way was he ever going to let his Suzaku sleep with Jakotsu again, not after what he'd seen and heard today…

_'You volunteered to fuck me in college even though you were already dating Bankotsu!'_

That's what Suzaku had said this morning. For Hiten, hearing something like that was like an instant trigger. It had made a sudden blast of white-hot fury numb his senses and when he came back to himself the glass he was supposed to be cleaning had shattered in his hand. His two companions had probably assumed he had just dropped it. They had no idea…  
'My Suzaku. My beautiful Suzaku… Slept with someone else?' That's what Hiten thought as he retreated into the hallway and held that shining golden locket. And then Suzaku had questioned him, and he wanted nothing more than to turn around and slap the shit out of that stupid little whore. But those bright green eyes looked up at him so sadly; worried… It was enough to snap Hiten back to his usually calm, collected self. He'd decided to take a drive instead, to try to cool his head. He'd even made sure to pick up the gifts Suzaku had asked for. But that gesture had backfired and he returned home to have his fury restored by that stupid, half-naked cross dresser!

'I'm the stupid one,' he realized, 'Why'd I go and leave them alone?'

Hiten growled, still finding himself unable to tear his eyes away from the sleeping boy before him. Suzaku was so young and naive. It was always very difficult to think of that timid redhead as the adult that he was, but surely he knew better than to sleep around like that! 'Would he? Could he?..'

It was so tempting to just force the truth out of him. It would have been all too easy for Hiten to figure out if Suzaku truly had slept with someone else if it had happened that same day. If he inspected that beautiful body closely, Hiten would be able to tell in just a few moments. Suzaku's smell and taste would be different, and he would probably have other bruises too…  
'Oh, but he's taken a shower so I can't tell by just smelling him…'

Again Hiten shook his head, fighting off the urge to just rip those stupid pajama bottoms off of his unsuspecting partner. He wanted to know, had to know, but at the same time felt scared just thinking of what he'd do if he found out... Maybe he'd seriously hurt Suzaku…

"Su-Chan…" he whispered, not surprised when the other man did not wake.  
"Why would you want someone else?" The little golden locket swung gently from his neck, reminding him of its presence, and he wished bitterly that he could just rip it off and toss it away. "I don't want you anymore if you want him…"

'I want you dead if you want him…'

Suzaku slept peacefully still, completely oblivious to his words, but that hardly mattered, since Hiten would never have had the courage to say it while he was conscious…

'This is so lame…' Jealousy was such a stupid, pointless emotion. It was beneath him!

He lie back down, trying unsuccessfully to fall asleep again, even though he was thoroughly exhausted. He still couldn't even bring himself to turn out the lights…  
Silence fell again, but at that moment a familiar buzzing sound met Hiten's ears. It was barely audible, as usual, and he might not have noticed it if he had not been lying here in silence, completely unable to sleep. He sat up, looking for the source of that noise. Carefully he slid a hand into the crack of the bed and started when he finally caught hold of the familiar, gently vibrating device. 'Low Battery' the screen read. Hiten sighed, switching off his now useless Blackberry and dropped it onto the floor.  
'Oh well, at least the dumb thing isn't lost anymore.'

Well that was one problem solved…  
Suzaku stirred a little in his sleep. The unfamiliar vibrating sound had probably roused him.  
He settled right back down, but Hiten caught hold of him without thinking.  
"Hmm?" Those tired green eyes blinked halfway open, and his angelic companion smiled in his drowsy stupor. "Hiten…" Suzaku didn't even sound annoyed at being woken up in the middle of the night. Those thin, pale fingers came up to entwine with the tan ones on his shoulder and Suzaku spoke without thinking. "-love you…"

Hiten was caught off guard for a moment, but then he shook it off. "Get up, Su-Chan."  
He had to know… Surely all of this jealousy was just a waste of time. Just a quick, gentle examination and he would finally be able to sleep…

"Hmm-" the drowsy redhead mumbled, pushing himself up onto his elbows. "Like this?"

"Yes, and take off your clothes."

"Why?"

"Because I can't sleep unless you do." Hiten scoffed, fully aware of how strange this must have sounded, but he didn't care. He really wouldn't be able to sleep until he'd seen his companion's other half.

Suzaku was very confused. His eyelids still felt heavy and he rubbed at them, frowning, but he obeyed anyway. He slid right out of the tight pink pajama bottoms, and didn't complain when Hiten insisted on working him out of his briefs as well.

'Now let's see…'  
Hiten scanned over every inch of his pale, fully exposed skin, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. He had Suzaku roll over and checked his front as well, but there were no unexplained bruises there either. "You can tell me to stop if this hurts," He whispered, waiting for Suzaku's nod before continuing. Hiten then pressed only one finger inside of his partner, but it still caused him to tense up against the dry, unexpected intrusion.

"Ah-" It was a strained, confused little yelp, and Hiten wondered why Suzaku didn't ask to be released. He certainly was obedient… 'How cute,' he mused, retracting that same finger before immediately popping it into his own mouth. 'Suzaku looks and tastes the same…'

"Hiten, wh-"

"Shut up." Just one more test… Hiten leaned forward and ran his tongue languidly over Suzaku's soft white cock. It responded immediately, swelling in earnest, almost instant arousal. 'Perfect. He wouldn't be so sensitive if he'd already had sex today…' Satisfied, Hiten made to release his thoroughly inspected companion, but Suzaku whimpered; sounding disappointed. "Why are you teasing me Hiten?"  
'Oh, is that what this looks like?' Hiten chuckled, trying to consider how Suzaku must have felt about being woken up and molested like this. Surely he owed his submissive partner some sort of apology… He smiled, dipping down to press a kiss to the cute, pinkish head between Suzaku's legs, admiring the way it swelled at his touch. Now he really was teasing. His tongue snaked against the smooth flesh, wetting it generously as Suzaku's whimpers melted into moans. "Don't stop…" Hiten toyed with that very idea, pretending he was not interested in this glossy vanilla rod, but Suzaku instinctively begged. "Please Hiten…"  
Hiten loved the way those quivering lips whispered his name; insistent, yet pleading, just like the heated object of his present indulgence. The tender, loose flesh felt just like delicate white chocolate on his tongue. But when he finally took it into his mouth it grew only hotter and more stiff. Chocolate or not, the only thing that seemed to be melting was Suzaku's reserve. "Oh…"  
Those fingers threaded their way into Hiten's hair, guiding his rhythm as the pleasure leaked at the back of his throat. His moaning encouragement intensified, sometimes turning into hissed ecstasy. 'Yes, yes…' That pleading, shivering voice echoed in his mind as Hiten bore down on that mouthwatering treat. It wasn't long before he could groan his own satisfaction as the fruit of his labor pumped onto his waiting tongue, and Hiten swallowed it without delay.

Suzaku was still trying to catch his breath, but he welcomed Hiten's kisses on his lips now, unabashed; tasting a little of himself. Once the kiss was broken, Suzaku made to spread his legs, but Hiten declined the offer, nuzzling affectionately as he shook his head.  
"Go on back to sleep, Pet."

The redhead fixed Hiten with a curious gaze, but made to obey, sliding back under the blankets as Hiten stood to turn out the lights. He crawled easily back into bed and settled himself beside his thoroughly confused companion.

"Hiten-"

"Shush." Hiten wrapped his arms around his spoiled little pet and pulled him close, admiring the feel of the beautiful body that he now knew belonged only to him. Sleep enveloped him easily now, much like those gentle, thin arms that were also _only_ his. 'You are mine,' he wanted to say, but instead he snuggled closer to that redheaded angel and just kissed him again and again.  
_'Only_ mine.'


	14. Lilly

disclaimer  
I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.  
(Although I wish I did own those adorable, wonderful, super kawaii, sexy little sons of...ahem! anyways)  
I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.  
I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world  
- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

(AN: February is here! In honor of the month of love, let's have two new chapters back to back! One today, one tomorrow! And look forward to Valentine's day as well! That's when the serious fanservice hits the fan! See you then! )

**  
Not For All The World: Chapter 14: A Honeysuckle and A Lilly**

Bankotsu lie on the bed that now belonged to Inuyasha. The house was eerie and silent, except for the sound of his own breathing. It was so strange to be in this room again, without Jakotsu. His lover's scent still clung to the curtains and the mattress, and vaguely Bankotsu wondered if Inuyasha had ever even noticed it. 'Probably not.' He buried his face into the pillows, breathing in the scent of his precious Aisuru. It was a light, sweet fragrance that was just barely there, but he remembered it. Jakotsu wore perfume, of course, and combined with his own natural scent, it perfectly mimicked the smell of a honeysuckle.

How stupid, that Bankotsu knew that. How annoying that he recalled every different shade of onyx-grey in those eyes, every greenish strand that tinted that silken black hair and every tiny imperfection; whether scar or beauty mark, that shown against that smooth porcelain skin.

Did Jakotsu know any such thing about Bankotsu himself? Probably not. Yet here he lay, just the same, with his heart aching as he breathed in the dying scent of the one he loved so completely.  
If his best friend; Inuyasha ever figured it out, Bankotsu would probably drop dead of humiliation…  
'Speak of the devil and he shall appear.'

The door had slid open behind him, but Bankotsu pretended he hadn't noticed. The footsteps that approached him now were carefully quieted, and the more he thought about them, the more he realized that he must have been wrong. This was not Inuyasha, after all. Curiosity got the better of him and he turned, causing the girl beside him to startle. "Hey, Kagome."

She gaped, looking just like a deer caught in headlights. Apparently she had frozen, halfway through reaching for something on the floor and instead decided to watch Bankotsu. "Sorry!" was the first thing she said once she'd recovered. "I didn't mean to stare…"

"It's okay. Not like I'm doing anything anyway…" Bankots lie his head down, annoyed. Kagome was still watching him, and he wondered why she'd bothered to apologize. Her eyes were not nearly as lovely as Jakotsu's…

"Isn't this Inuyasha's room now?"

Was this her way of starting a conversation? Or did she seriously not recognize the multitude of her boyfriend's possessions that he'd left lying all around the place? "Yeah," Bankotsu decided he may as well take the bait, "this one belongs to dogboy."

Kagome looked a little sad now, and she didn't seem to want to look Bankotsu in the eye anymore. "You must miss him…"

"Hardly." Bankotsu sat up then, raising an incredulous eyebrow at her. "He's in my room now. If I missed him I'd just go lay with-" "I didn't mean Inuyasha," Kagome clarified, "I meant Jakotsu."

Now it was Bankotsu's turn to play the deer caught in headlights. He waved his hands, trying not to show his embarrassment. "Wow, you're pretty sharp!"  
"Not really." Kagome sighed, sitting down on the carpet. "I just do that same thing. Sometimes I like to sit on my bed and just hug the pillow Inuyasha uses. It makes me feel better when we can't be together…"

"Can't be together," Bankotsu echoed, "story of my life." He offered her a kind smile, suddenly appreciating the fact that women could be so obnoxiously in tune with the affairs of the heart. At least someone understood him. All his life Bankotsu had purposely surrounded himself with people like Inuyasha and his high school football team, carefully choosing friends that were least likely to figure out his dirty little secrets. But here was this girl, who he hardly ever spoke to, and she'd figured one out in just a few seconds.

"Can I ask you something?" He shrugged at this proposal, and Kagome went ahead and asked. "How long have you been in love with Jakotsu?"

"Um…" Bankotsu avoided her curious gaze. He knew the answer of course, but was hesitant to share such information. Now that he thought about it, Bankotsu had never even told Jakotsu himself how long it had been. Admittedly he was not very good at being honest…  
"For about thirteen years, I guess…"

"Thirteen?!" That was all Kagome was able to choke out. Her eyes were so wide that it was almost comical. "Yeah, thirteen, unless my math is really that bad. I was eight when I first figured it out. He wore boy clothes back then…"

"Wow," Kagome sighed, gazing dreamily off at nothing. "That's so romantic…"

"Only in the movies." Bankotsu lie back down, snuggling back against the mattress to smell his lover again. "In reality it kind of sucks," he mumbled this afterthought, closing his eyes as that honeysuckle scent filled his head. 'Years of worrying, wondering… chasing. And even now, Jakotsu still doesn't want to be caught.'

* * *

"Wonder why anyone would want to get married right out of college?"

Miles and miles away, in America, a grinning cross dresser spoke these words.  
Jakotsu sat on Suzaku's soft, king-sized bed, shuffling through some of his newest photos. The photographs depicted Yuki and Shuuichi, his now happily married college buddies.

'I guess weddings are fun though…'  
It had been his first time to an American wedding. The entire courtyard dazzled with dozens of different types of exotic flowers and the atmosphere positively swam with joy. Upon entering that almost magical place, one could immediately feel the love the two now happily married men shared. It was such a pleasant occasion, that even the miffed cross dresser, who had been talked into wearing a man's suit to the reception, couldn't help but smile and laugh along with his friends as they joked and reminisced.

But the excitement was far from over. His two friends had ridden off to enjoy their honeymoon, and afterwards, the lovely Suzaku had escorted Jakotsu back home with him. "You can stay in my room!" He'd insisted, dragging Jakotsu along as Hiten trailed behind, carrying his luggage.

Jakotsu had been a little timid at first, agreeing to such arrangements, but he had since warmed up to the inhabitants of this beautiful, spacious apartment.

Jakotsu had woken up alone today, for the first time since he'd arrived in America, but found himself grateful to have the privacy. He was not the most organized man, and had somehow managed to completely destroy Suzaku's once tidy bedroom. There were clothes, photographs, and art supplies scattered all over the place. This didn't bother Jakotsu, but as he looked down at the clutter, he realized that he had no earthly idea of where his cell phone might have gotten to. Grudgingly Jakotsu stood and began to clean the room.  
Without that phone he would be unable to call Bankotsu. 'Three weeks without even talking to Bankotsu?' The more he thought about that the more he was driven to organize and decorate.

But soon he was almost finished and the cellphone was still missing! "Where the fuck is my cell phone? How did I manage to lose it so fast?!"

Jakotsu considered asking Suzaku about it, but he already knew what that stubborn redhead would say. "Don't worry about Bankotsu! He'll be fine!"

Actually, Suzaku was most likely right. Bankotsu was probably in morning class right now, chatting happily with his other, straight friends. Grudgingly Jakotsu glared down at the now spotlessly clean floor and decided that he didn't want to call Bankotsu anyway. "Stupid Ban-Chan I don't miss you anyway!" But just as he said this, he sat back down on the bed and his eyes fell upon another photograph. 'Ban-Chan' his obnoxious heart sang. Jakotsu tucked this photo safely back into the album. It was impossible to throw away an image of his precious, very handsome lover…

He absently flipped through this album, pausing to gaze fondly at a photograph of a younger, and extremely cheerful, Suzaku. 'Wow, Su-Chan hasn't changed a bit…'  
The pictured Suzaku was smiling coyly as he sat on Jakotsu's lap, his arms wrapped securely around his best friend's neck. Naraku must've taken this photo in their dorm room, because Suzaku was wearing Jakotsu's own cocktail dress. It looked so nice on him, the fabric perfectly hugged his thin, elegant frame and offered a generous view of his long, sexy legs.

Jakotsu still remembered Suzaku's taste. Could almost feel those soft pink lips and that smooth, sweet vanilla skin… Bankotsu had specifically forbid him to partake of that delicate morsel, but he already wished he could break his promise just once. It was a shame to be living with someone that decadent if you couldn't even touch them…

"No, no, no!" Jakotsu berated himself out loud, the guilt burning on his face. Why couldn't he have just left those kinds of thoughts back in college?! It was just a fling, right? Just a harmless, delicious, fling. And he and Suzaku were just friends now, right?  
'I know, I'll just think of something else!'

He made to busy himself again, but at that moment, something hit the wall behind him, causing the shocked cross dresser to flinch and drop the album.

Jakotsu hopped down from the bed and began to collect the spilled photos, trying his best to ignore the sounds coming from the other room.  
'That's strange. Suzaku's yelling at Hiten?'  
As the noise next door continued, Jakotsu thought about the mysterious Hiten for a moment.  
He resembled Bankotsu in many ways, with his handsome, slightly tanned visage. But Hiten had a different air about him, one of authority and unquestionable strength. He came off as the type of guy you would never want to say no to, but at the same time the way he spoke was so flattering. It was easy to see how Suzaku could have been seduced by someone so carefully charming, yet domineering…

'Great, now I'm thinking Hiten's hot too.'  
Jakotsu sighed, reaching over to busy himself with the next photo album, which proved to be full of many older photos of Suzaku from back in high school. Oddly enough, these pictures had been taken very shortly before Suzaku had disappeared from the school. Presumably he had taken leave of the school due to his 'illness', whatever that was. But as far as Jakotsu could tell, Suzaku didn't seem ill at all, unless you counted love sickness.

That coy redhead was always prancing around the house, stalking Hiten. He'd poke his head around the corner with those sweet vanilla cheeks high in the air and whisper to his best friend, saying "Isn't he cute?" Suzaku would then hurry into the living room, sneaking about like a little red fox eyeing its prey. Hiten must have been beyond aloof; however, because he was very capable of completely ignoring the mischievous redhead. If Suzaku himself had not spilled the beans, Jakotsu would never have guessed they'd already slept together.

'Stupid Hiten! How dare he take advantage of my sweet Su-Chan!' Maybe it was the overprotective, best friend inside of him that was making him think like that, but he couldn't help but be a little cross about this whole 'not really dating' situation.

Slam!

Jakotsu winced as two of the framed photos on the wall fell to the ground, rudely interrupting his thoughts. He stood then, completely distracted by the source of this noise. 'Suzaku and Hiten are really fighting...' The force which had knocked those pictures down was probably from one of the two men being shoved up against the wall right behind himself.

'What the hell?'  
Sounded like they were in the bathroom. Why in the world would Hiten and Suzaku be up this early, fighting in the bathroom of all places? Someone could get hurt…  
Worried, Jakotsu hurried out of Suzaku's room and skid to a halt in front of the closed bathroom door. The two within were still arguing in very loud, very fluent English.  
And he couldn't just burst into a bathroom even if he was worried for his best friend's safety.  
He reached out to knock, but at that moment Hiten's next words reverberated off the bathroom walls. "Don't make me do this. I don't want to force you Suzaku, but I will."

"You wouldn't dare!" The other man shot back, "It is my choice what I do with my own body!

"Like hell it is," Hiten growled, "Now stay still and- Damn it, Suzaku stop it!"  
"Lemme go!" Came the other man's choked reply. It sounded like the two of them were wrestling. Jakotsu remained silent, wondering whether he should leave them alone or intervene.

What was it that Hiten wanted to do to his friend? Surely he wasn't intending to hurt him…

"I don't want to…" Now Suzaku sounded like he might cry and Jakotsu had to lean much closer to hear him through the door because his voice was so quiet. "Please don't make me,"  
he whimpered, "just let me go. You're hurting me…"  
"Liar."  
"You are!"  
"Just take it then!"  
"I wont!" Suzaku shrieked, and from the frustrated growl he got in reply, Jakotsu assumed that his friend had finally escaped Hiten's hold.

And he was right. In an instant Suzaku was out of that room. The door flew open and the frenzied redhead hurtled out into the hallway, slamming right into his stunned guest.  
They both hit the wall, but poor Jakotsu got the brunt of the impact.  
"Oh gah…" he groaned, reaching behind his head to massage the area of his neck that'd been stabbed by his hair pin.

Suzaku pulled away from him with a quick bow before hurriedly apologizing.  
"Oh I'm sorry Ja-Chan, I didn't even know you were awake an- You're not hurt are you!?"

Jakotsu gazed into Suzaku's reddened eyes, finding himself too overcome with worry to answer. His best friend had tears flowing freely down those lovely pink cheeks, his entire body was shivering violently, and he was breathing hard, as if he'd been smothered.

'Maybe Bankotsu was right about Hiten being dangerous!'

Immediately he pulled Suzaku into his arms. "What has he done to you?"  
Suzaku said "Nothing," but his voice was small and shaking. He was wearing those cute silk pajamas again…

Jakotsu side-stepped, looking past him to glare at Hiten, who had finally stepped out to join them in the hallway. Unlike Suzaku, Hiten was fully dressed for work, though his suit was a little disheveled, presumably from wrestling with his redheaded companion. Jakotsu noticed many tell-tale red marks on both of his hands. It seemed that Suzaku had bitten Hiten to get out of his grip. "What were you doing to him?"

"Nothing, your majesty" Hiten insisted, "He just gets like this sometimes…" He trailed off, looking down as he adjusted the long sleeves of his shirt as if trying to ensure that his arms were completely covered. Absently Jakotsu wondered what he was trying to hide...  
"Suzaku is so fucking stubborn…"

"You shouldn't force him into doing something he doesn't want," Jakotsu scolded.

"Were you spying on us or some-?" Hiten began, but Suzaku cut him off, struggling out of Jakotsu's embrace. He pulled away from the safety of his friend's arms in order to look him in the eye. "You heard?" He questioned, obviously humiliated, "What did you hear?"

"Just this," Jakotsu replied "You said it was your choice what to do with your body." Suzaku said nothing to that, but Hiten snorted instantly, trying not to laugh out loud. "Sounds like-" He snickered, bringing a hand up to his rapidly heating cheeks. "Like I was raping him!"

His queen gave him an incredulous look; speechless. Apparently Hiten was a very candid man, but Jakotsu wasn't inclined to admit that he had been thinking the exact same thing…

Once he'd collected himself, Hiten held out his hand, revealing a small white pill nestled in his palm. "I was just trying to get Suzaku to take his meds" he explained. "Don't know why, but it looks like he hasn't even touched this month's supply…"

'So that's what this is about…'

Jakotsu looked down at the man in his arms, giving him a disapproving frown. "Mou, Su-Chan,"  
"Don't be such a baby. You have to take your meds."

"Yes," Hiten interjected, "Take them every day, if that's what the bottle says."

"The bottle doesn't say anything!" Suzaku countered, shaking his head fretfully, "So what do you know?!" Jakotsu gaped. He had never expected that Suzaku could even have the guts to yell at Hiten like that. It was a bit unnerving for him just to watch their exchange, but Hiten wasn't discouraged.

"I would read it if you would quit ripping off the labels!" He shot back, holding the little pill out. "Here, just take it you pain in the ass!"

"No!" the redhead refused, burying his face into Jakotsu's yukata. "How long has it been since you've taken it?" The cross dresser wondered aloud. "Back in college, you took it every day."

Suzaku mumbled something against his chest, but it was completely unintelligible.

"You'll never get a straight answer out of him." Hiten sighed, shaking his head. At this Jakotsu smiled, having remembered that already. "Yeah he's as stubborn as an ox, as they say."

"I am not!" Suzaku suddenly interjected, but he still refused to pull his face out of his old friend's chest. Though a bit annoying, it was amusing to watch his childish antics. He seemed to be mumbling something again, but they couldn't understand any of it. Jakotsu held out his own hand, accepting the pill from Hiten. "Here let me try."

Suzaku remained tightly pressed against him however, and would not accept the pill from their queen either. He almost seemed afraid, but he looked so cute, standing there, sniffling.  
"Give it up, Su-Chan, Jakotsu sighed, "Tears don't work on me because you're too cute."  
Suzaku whimpered. It was a small, sad little noise, but unfortunately it only served to arouse his perverted best friend. "Quit," the cross dresser grit out, "you're making me hard." Now Suzaku pawed at him like a sad little kitten. "But Ja-Chan," he mewed, "Don't you love me?" He was in full, coy kitten mode now, flirting shamelessly with his older companion. "If you love me you won't make me take it…"  
Suddenly Jakotsu understood why Hiten had gotten so frustrated with this. Suzaku looked so adorable with those big, green eyes welled up with tears and those sweet, pouting strawberry lips. It was so impossible to argue with such a cute, mischievous little creature.

Hiten was disgusted just watching this, apparently, and so he stalked off and left them alone. He called behind himself though, saying he would just go get breakfast started.

As soon as Hiten was gone; however Suzaku dropped the act and smiled. But Jakotsu reprimanded him immediately. "Su-Chan crocodile tears are dirty!"  
The mischievous redhead sighed, cocking that beautiful head. "Can't fool you can I, Ja-Chan?" 'Was that supposed to be a compliment?!'  
"Don't play dirty tricks like that! I really did think Hiten was raping you in there!"

"Sorry…" Suzaku gave him a little bow, but he was still giggling. "But I can't help it. Hiten gets so flustered whenever I refuse to do what he wants. He's so cute when he's angry…"  
"Cute?!" Jakotsu echoed, floored.  
"Yeah, just like you." Those emerald eyes winked at him, but Jakotsu only gaped; speechless. 'Is he flirting with me?!'

He shook it off momentarily, refusing to let Suzaku confuse him.  
"Quit messing around, Su-Chan." Jakotsu took hold of one of those thin, pale hands, and forced Suzaku to accept the pill. "Go and take your meds already."

"Hmph!" Suzaku pouted, "you guys are so mean to me…"

"Hypocrite. After you bit Hiten?"  
Suzaku bristled, but Jakotsu playfully shoved him back into the bathroom.  
"Go in there and take your meds or I will rape you myself!"

After locking his friend into the bathroom, Jakotsu sauntered off, pleased with himself.  
But it was a shame Suzaku had given in. It would have been nice to have a valid excuse to pin that naughty kitten down and shove things into that whimpering, delectable mouth…

'What a waste. If I were Hiten I would have had so much fun with this!'  
Su-Chan alone in the bathroom? What could be better?!  
Some people just didn't appreciate how lucky they were. Or maybe that was just his own twisted view of the situation. Maybe Hiten was more concerned for Suzaku's health…

'I wonder if he knows what those pills are for…'

Hiten turned as Jakotsu wandered into the kitchen. Today the queen was wearing a yellow yukata, but he had it draped over him like it was a robe, and underneath was a tight black blouse and a short yellow skirt. 'Ridiculous.' That was more or less a perfect word for the way this guy dressed. It was amazing that Suzaku had the balls to flirt with someone like that…

"Good morning your highness."  
The other man blushed, but he busied himself and pretended not to notice. He set out the plates on the table, checking the fish repeatedly to make sure it wouldn't burn. The kitchen was silent, aside from the bubbling of miso soup and the sizzle of the frying pans that held their breakfast.

"So what are those pills for?"

Hiten paused for a moment, surprised by that abrupt question. "I don't really know," he answered truthfully. "My guess is, some kind of anxiety disorder."

Jakotsu nodded, looking puzzled.  
"But Su-Chan doesn't seem ill…"

"No I guess not."

"But if he has pills he must need them…"

He turned to the curious cross dresser, deciding it wouldn't hurt to let him in on why he thought their redheaded friend was acting so strangely today. "I think he's just riled up because I told him I'm leaving soon. Going on a very important business trip." He couldn't help smiling now as he served their breakfast. "To seal the deal that got me my promotion!"

Jakotsu smiled, offering his congratulations and Hiten almost spilled the soup as he bowed his thanks automatically, trying to hide his embarrassment.

"Anyway, I'll be in Tokyo for a couple of days." He explained, "First time we've been apart in like a year. So maybe Suzaku is just feeling some separation anxiety or whatever they call it…"

"Oh…" Jakotsu bowed his head, the tips of his chopsticks resting on his lips. He wondered how Hiten was so calm about the situation. Even though he was so determined to get Suzaku to take the pills, he acted like it didn't matter what kind of medicine he was forcing on the stubborn redhead. "You're not curious?" He began, choosing his words carefully "To find out what disorder Su-chan might have?"

"I didn't say that," The younger man replied, putting his hands together briefly to whisper a prayer over his food. "But I already promised I wouldn't ask about it."

"But," Jakotsu stopped himself, noticing the dubious look on Hiten's face.  
'What kind of dumb promise is that?'  
Suddenly Jakotsu wanted to snoop further into Suzaku's strange behavior. He tried to remember what had been written on the little white pill, considering looking the name up online. But it wouldn't come to him. In Jakotsu's opinion, mental illness was no laughing matter. He couldn't help but worry. Suzaku was exactly the type to pretend he was perfectly fine even if he was terribly ill…

"An anxiety disorder, ne?" He mumbled this thoughtfully, popping a little piece of salmon into his mouth. He started, suddenly distracted, and Hiten smiled at his stunned comment.

"Wow. This tastes excellent."

* * *

Tears ran down his face of their own accord as Suzaku stared at himself in the mirror. He had already readied a plastic cup filled with tap water. But he just could not bring himself to put the pill into his mouth and wash it down.

_"You're going to be left all alone…"_

He turned, surveying the empty room, and shook his head, already knowing where the voice had come from. That was the thought he could not shake off.  
He hated to be lonely. Somehow he felt that the medicine would make him feel even more alone… Hiten would leave soon for his business trip, and his precious Queen Jakotsu would have to return home to be with Bankotsu. He thought miserably of how dearly he wanted to chase them to Japan, but at the same time knew he was being irrational. It would be wrong of him to chase after and distract Hiten on his business trip. And Jakotsu had already promised to take him to Japan the following summer. If all went as planned, they would soon meet again.

'Unless the plane crashes. Maybe he'll die. Maybe they'll both die. Just like my dad…'

He couldn't stop these thoughts. He hated them, but they consumed him. He stared at the little pill in the palm of his hand. He knew that if he took them regularly, they would calm him down.  
They would make everything still and quiet. They would make him feel 'all right', just like the doctor had said. Usually they made him a bit sleepy, so he preferred to take them at night. But lately he had been neglecting this nightly routine. And unfortunately Hiten was quick to notice. He was too smart for his own good; too attentive, even though it was endearing to think that he must have been worried for Suzaku's health.

That stupid Hiten. He was worried about Suzaku's body, but not his heart.  
'As usual. All that matters to Hiten is my body…'

The tears slid down his face as Suzaku thought again about Hiten's mysterious 'lover'. He hated her with every fiber of his being, but at the same time wished he could be her. She was probably beautiful and _healthy…_

"Lilly." Suzaku read aloud, squeezing the little pill in his hand as if he hoped it would crumble to dust and never bother him again. It did not however, and the imprinted word stared up at him still, mocking him. If only he didn't need this drug. If only he were well... 'Or at least female.'

"I fucking hate you…"

He wondered for a moment if he was talking to his own reflection or to that little white pill. He hated them both, he decided, propping the offensive little pearl between his teeth.

But Suzaku smiled, suddenly thinking that if anyone was lonely, it was the solitary, defenseless pill. This thought made him feel a little better.

"Lilly Lilly," he mumbled aloud, "Hiten wants me to eat you. Doesn't that make you sad?"

With that said, he promptly spat his 'Lilly' out and watched it roll down the drain.


	15. SuChan, My

disclaimer  
I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Suzaku, Hiten, Bankotsu, Jakotsu, or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.  
(Although I wish I did own those adorable, wonderful, super kawaii, sexy little sons of...ahem! anyways)  
I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.  
I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.  
- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

(An. Read. Review. And I love you.)

**Not For All The World**

**Chapter Fifteen**; "Su-Chan, My"

"Holy shit…"  
Suzaku's mouth had fallen open as he spied his love through the window in the living room. Hiten was perched on the hood of his car, chatting animatedly with someone on his cell phone. It was a blackberry. That made sense… Hiten was a businessman. He was probably sealing some kind of 'big deal' at that very moment.

"So Hiten doesn't have another lover?" he wanted to jump for joy and shout out loud, but instead Suzaku merely stood there watching with a pit growing in his stomach. The pieces of the puzzle were finally coming together. If Hiten's cell phone was that blackberry, then the little flip-style cell phone Suzaku had dropped into the washing machine must have belonged to…

'Ja-Chan is going to kill me.'

"Su-chan!" Hiten kicked the front door closed as he danced merrily into the house. He tossed the blackberry carelessly onto the table with a snap. He had other things on his mind…  
"Guess how much money I just made?!" He was almost singing; ecstatic, and grinned like a pumpkin as he attached himself to Suzaku from behind. "Let's go out…"

"Um…" The redhead tried to pry Hiten off of himself, shaking his head. "I think I need to go have a little talk with queen Jakotsu…"

"What?!" Now it was Hiten's turn to be shocked. Suzaku never turned down an opportunity to spend time with him! Never. The words 'Holy shit' would not have been sufficient to voice his surprise. "Why not?!" He demanded of the guilty-looking redhead. But Suzaku refused to elaborate. He simply squirmed his way out of Hiten's grip and hurried off to the back of the house, presumably to look for Jakotsu.

Hiten stood there fuming for a minute, but ultimately decided that he had better things to do than follow along with Suzaku's random antics. He'd intended to take the day off and celebrate, but maybe it was better if he went in to work after all. At least he would get more accomplished sitting at the office than here, watching his Suzaku pay attention to Jakotsu…

'What a stupid, childish thought!' Berating himself for that moment of jealous weakness, he hurried out of the house, completely forgetting to stop and reclaim his blackberry from the kitchen table.

* * *

------------------

"I hate you. You know that? I really think I hate you now…"

"Mou, don't say that!" Suzaku bowed again to his queen, letting his bangs touch the ground.  
"I didn't mean to! It was just- I don't know! I didn't think it could've been yours! It was in a pair of pants! When's the last time you wore pants?!"

"At the wedding, jackass!" Jakotsu fumed, shaking his lifeless cell phone in his best friend's face, "they forced me to so I'd match all the other men, remember?!"

Suzaku mumbled something into the carpet. His nose was pressed against the floor because he was bowing again. "I really am sorry your majesty…"

"It's dead!" Jakotsu whined dramatically, holding his precious little ruined cell phone.  
"My poor baby! How will I call Ban-chan now?"

"You mean you haven't memorized his number?"  
It had slipped out. Suzaku returned his face to the carpet as his furious friend rounded on him again. "No, I did not! I used my cell phone to store all my numbers because I didn't think my psycho friend would dump it into the fucking washing machine!"

"I'll buy you a new one…" Suzaku squirmed as Jakotsu caught hold of his shoulders and shook him, making another dramatic proclamation. "You will pay for this with your mortal soul!"

"Yes master…"

Suzaku sighed as Jakotsu released him, apparently the drama queen had decided that it would be more pertinent to wallow around on the floor in utter despair…

He watched these ridiculous theatrics, but soon found himself unable to keep from laughing, and after a moment Jakotsu lay still and joined in. "Okay, fine I don't hate you," the queen giggled, feeling a lot better. "And at least now we know that Hiten doesn't really have a secret lover…"

"Oh, Ja-Chan," Suzaku sat up, suddenly excited. "you should have seen Hiten that night! He was so upset that he couldn't even sleep!"

"Wow, that's kind of mean," Jakotsu laughed, raising an eyebrow at his ecstatic friend, "guess our little stunt really did a number on him…"

"Ja-Chan, he woke me up in the middle of the night because of it!"

"Serves you right." the queen sneered, toying with his ruined cell phone. "Did you give in and tell him that you weren't really fucking with me?"

"No, I didn't have to say anything…" Suzaku sighed dreamily, resting his head on his best friend's chest. "Ne, Ja-Chan…" He whispered, and Jakotsu had to lean closer just to hear him.

"What?"

"Hiten can recognize by taste…"

"You're lying!"

Suzaku shook his head, looking like he might die of happiness. "What do you think that means, Ja-Chan?"

"Sounds like he is the seriously overly-controlling type."

"Yeah but it could also mean I'm important to him right? Ne, Ja-Chan could you tell if your Bankotsu cheated on you just by tasting him?"

"Well…" Jakotsu thought it over, chewing absently on one of his painted red nails. "Yeah. I'm sure I could tell if Bankotsu was fucking someone else that way. Because he'd probably smell like them, and the taste would give it away as long as Ban-Chan was on the bottom…"

"That's so romantic… yet totally insane…"

"No," the cross dresser scoffed, dropping his cell phone onto his best friend's lap.  
"you're insane. I can't believe you freaked out like that and lost me my Ban-Chan's number."

'Oh, wait a minute!' Suzaku stood, having thought of a new possibility. "Hiten was friends with Bankotsu too. Maybe he knows the number!" He hurried back into the kitchen, searching for his missing boyfriend. "Hey Hiten do you-"

He stopped mid-sentence, realizing that he was talking to himself. 'That's strange, I thought Hiten was off today…' But he caught sight of the blackberry on the table and snatched it up anyway, looking around to make sure his lover was nowhere in sight. Peering out the window, he noticed that Hiten's car was gone and proceeded to the back of the house with the captive blackberry.

"Let's see…" Jakotsu came over to spy over his shoulder, marveling at the large, expensive-looking cellphone. "Whoa! Looks just like a little computer!"

"It's Hiten's." Suzaku informed, beginning to scroll through the contact list. "What's with this? Doesn't he have any friends listed?" It looked like Hiten had about two-hundred contacts, but strangely enough, none of them seemed like they were his friends. Each was listed with their last name, a comma, and finally their first name and each was accompanied by a business title or a company name. "President - Takahashi, Arisada, Corporate advisor - Johnson, David…" He looked through the names beginning with 'B' but found nothing there either, just more business contacts. Finally, when he'd reached the 'S' column, he noticed one strange entry.

"Su-Chan, My" Jakotsu read, teasing him, "awe, isn't that sweet?!"

Suzaku turned away from him, pressing the call button. Sure enough, his own cell phone began vibrating in his pocket. "Holy shit…" He repeated, hanging up and scrolling through the rest of Hiten's contacts. He checked the speed dial list as well and recognized his own number at the very top of the list. Why would Hiten have even bothered? Suzaku hated phonecalls… He scoffed, trying to play off the fluttering embarrassment in his chest. Jakotsu's poor cell phone really had died a meaningless death… "I guess Hiten only calls the people he works with."

"Yeah, but he has your number!" Jakotsu remarked in a sing-song, teasing voice. He snatched the blackberry and began playing with it. He was obviously very amused by this new discovery, and thankfully had abandoned his dramatic mourning. "Look I can text all contacts at once! I'll send them 'I 3 Su-Chan!'"

"Don't you dare!" Suzaku made to snatch the blackberry, but Jakotsu danced out of the way and bolted out of the room, cackling madly.

**_Crash!_**

"You are the worst houseguest ever…"  
Hiten glared down at the effeminate man who had just run into him. Jakotsu didn't seem phased. He giggled, pressing the cell phone into it's real owner's palm before tearing out of the hallway as Suzaku made to catch him again. Hiten watched them, a little embarrassed by their childish behavior. But he was glad he'd returned home. It seemed he would have missed out on all the fun if he'd shown up at the office today.

Suzaku had caught Jakotsu and pinned him to the ground, tickling him, and the cross dresser squirmed, cackling hysterically. 'So Suzaku's wrestling with his smurf again…'

"Too late!" Jakotsu snorted, still laughing "The queen has struck again!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Hiten wondered aloud.

Both of the beautiful men on the ground froze at this question and then they both burst out laughing. Hiten watched them for a moment, then he gave up, assuming they weren't going to answer even if they could. "You two act like a couple of stupid little girls," he sighed, "I wonder if you girls want to go shopping with me today…"

"Yes!" The 'girls' chorused, looking up at him with bright eyes.

"Then go get dressed."  
Jakotsu and Suzaku exchanged looks of pure joy, and then they raced to the bathroom. 'Maybe that crazy, obnoxious queen isn't so bad after all…'  
Hiten thought this as he noticed Suzaku's sweet smiling and giggling which Jakotsu elicited from him so easily. But then Hiten turned his eyes to the now vibrating Blackberry in his hands.

"A text message?.. 'Whose Su-chan?'" He read aloud, and then his cell phone vibrated again, reporting fifteen more messages. Sixteen, twenty… "What the- Holy shit!"  
Thirty-seven…

"God dammit Suzaku!"

"It wasn't me!" Suzaku yelled from the bathroom. He giggled, listening as Hiten's cursing echoed down the hall. He made to put one of his pills in his mouth, but missed for laughing so hard. He clutched his stomach, not even noticing when the little white pearl rolled down the drain.

"I hope he'll still pay for dinner…" Jakotsu mumbled, taking his place beside his best friend so that he could use the mirror to apply his eyeliner.

"He will," Suzaku replied before prancing back into the hallway. Hiten was texting at the speed of light, glaring down at his treacherous blackberry. But when Suzaku caught him from behind and pressed a playful kiss to his neck, a little smile betrayed those pursed lips.  
"I hate you both," he mumbled, but Suzaku only laughed. "We love you too."

* * *

-----------------------

"You look so cute!"

"Oh my god, you're even cuter!"

Hiten sighed, sparing a glance at the two 'girls' in the back seat of his car. Somehow Jakotsu had talked Suzaku into dressing in drag with him today. So now they sat together gushing about their shoes and skirts. Vaguely he wondered if he should warn his redheaded angel that he kind of hated women…

"Are you guys going to act like stupid little girls for the entire trip?" He wondered aloud, voicing his displeasure. "No," Jakotsu immediately replied, "cross-dressing fags are worse!"

"I'm going to leave you at the mall," he sighed, "and go buy myself a gun…"

"Mou, you're so mean!" the girls chorused.  
"Hiten…" Suzaku whined, clinging to the back of his seat, "don't you think it makes me look sexy?"

"No," was his immediate reply.

"Mou!" they chorused again, and Jakotsu snapped at their discourteous escort. "How could you say something like that to poor Su-Chan?! He wore that sexy little black skirt just for you!"

"It's shorter than his hair!" Hiten scoffed, trying not to look back at the redhead with his pale, exposed legs. "He looks like some kind of gothic stripper…"

"He's not a stripper he's a princess!" Jakotsu insisted, tapping fondly on the elegant crystal tiara he'd put on the top of his best friend's head.. "My beautiful gothic princess!" he bragged, but Suzaku only sighed, looking like he suddenly wanted to take the outfit off.

"A gothic stripper?"  
Suzaku stared down at his black thigh-highs, trying fruitlessly to pull the little black skirt down so it didn't seem so scandalous. The silver bracelets on his arms jingled a little bit as he reached up to run his fingers over the black laces of his halter top, suddenly wishing that he hadn't picked out the gothic, open-backed outfit. "Hiten doesn't like it…"

"You ass!" Jakotsu hissed, leaning forward to scold Hiten.  
"Now look what you did! You're just jealous cuz the other boys will notice Su-Chan!"

"Huh!"

"Su-Chan, don't cry. You're ruining your eye liner!"  
Suzaku waved off his worried friend, bringing his hands up to wipe the tears away.  
"I'm sorry, Hiten..." That was all he had to say.

The car pulled to a stop in front of the long, sweeping galleria and Hiten said nothing as he shifted it into park and got out. But he still held the door open for his girls, and immediately caught hold of Suzaku's hand so they could walk together.

"I like you better as a boy," he finally confessed, pulling his redheaded 'princess' along.  
The silver rings and bracelets felt a little bit annoying between their entwined fingers, but Suzaku smiled, brightening up as he beheld the sight of their joined hands.

'A whole day of wandering around shopping with Hiten and Ja-Chan… What could be better?'

Jakotsu led the way, prancing ahead of them in his ridiculous high heels. Queen Jakotsu, that is, for today he proudly donned a golden tiara. It looked gorgeous against his smooth greenish-black hair. His long white skirt had a slit up the side, as usual, so that you could see those sexy porcelain legs, and his top looked like vanilla silk that draped elegantly over his shoulders and then wrapped around his elbows to join the tight golden cuffs on his wrists. It was quite an elaborate outfit and Suzaku thoroughly enjoyed watching his queen working it. The way Jakotsu walked demanded attention; the gentle sway of those hips and the flashy golden jewelry made him look more like some kind of sex goddess than a queen. Surely he belonged tied down to a bed instead of strutting through the mall…

Or maybe that was just Suzaku's more perverted view of things.  
Vaguely Suzaku wondered if Hiten ever appreciated the gorgeous creature in front of them.  
But then Hiten spoke and Suzaku figured that Hiten hadn't spared Jakotsu a single glance.  
"Su-Chan, I thought it might be nice to buy you a present today," he informed, "let me know if you see something you like, even if it's expensive."

Suzaku looked over at him, smiling timidly at this request. "Like what?" He didn't know what else to say to that.

"Whatever you like."

Suzaku thought this over, wondering if Hiten might have meant more than he'd said.  
But at the moment Suzaku couldn't think of anything he would like to be bought.  
'I kind of just want to be fucked. I wonder what Hiten would say if I told him that…'

"Want me to buy you a dress like that?" Hiten prodded. He'd probably noticed his wandering green eyes. Hiten was so astute…

"No, it looks better on Ja-Chan," he sighed, turning again to watch that goddess walk.  
"Ne, Hiten, isn't he beautiful? Looks just like an angel…"

"An angel…" Hiten echoed stopping suddenly as something caught his eye.  
Suzaku paused, turning to try to see what his suddenly frozen companion had. "What?"  
Hiten was staring over at the new tattoo parlor. "You like body jewelry?"

"No, no…" Hiten waved him off absently, pulling his hand back to himself. "Go on and entertain your pretty girlfriend." he mumbled, wandering off through the neon beaded curtains of the tattoo parlor.

"Hmph." Suzaku watched him go, a little bit miffed at the way he'd just dropped his hand and ditched. "Maybe he saw someone he knows?"

-----------------

* * *

Hiten stood at the counter, pretending to look through the tattoo catalogs. Every now and then he chanced a glance at the girl across the room. She looked like she was only about sixteen years old. Her short blue hair offered a perfect, unobstructed view of her pale backside. With that open-backed shirt and those low-cut jeans. She obviously wanted to be looked at.

'Speaking of angels…' This girl had huge, elaborate wings tattooed on her back…

"That's Megumi."  
Hiten turned to the artist behind the counter. This guy had so many eyebrow rings that it was a wonder he could even see through the silver, but he was obviously gazing fondly at that very same girl. "I did her art for her," he explained, "so she comes by all the time to show it off and advertise for me."

"You did that?" Hiten wondered, looking back at the girl. He had never seen art like that. It was simply breathtaking…

"Yeah," the artist bragged. "Pretty sweet, huh?"

"Wings…" Hiten looked over the artist's arms, realizing that most of his own tattoos were of birds. He was almost tempted to reach out and touch them. 'Gorgeous…'  
"This one's a phoenix right?"

"Yeah, feathers are my specialty," He explained, "Just like Megumi's. It's not often I get a sweet job like her though. You know, the girls have to take off their tops to get work like that done." He winked one of those heavy, metal-laden eyes as he leaned closer to whisper in Hiten's ear. "You're interested in Megumi, ne? Don't worry she's almost legal. I can get her number for you…"

Hiten shook his head, sparing one last glance at those gorgeous wings.  
"No, but maybe I could have yours?"  


* * *

* * *

  
"What do you mean you don't have his number?!"

Inuyasha glared at the effeminate stranger on his doorstep. This man was probably older than him, but he couldn't really tell under all of the makeup. He was frowning now with those ridiculous purple lips, and glared up suspiciously at him.  
'Man, and I thought Jakotsu was gay…'

This guy actually looked like an older, long haired version of that drama queen…  
"Look, um…"

"Naraku," the other offered.

"Okay, look Naraku, like I said Jakotsu doesn't live here anymore. He moved out. And anyway he's on a trip, and we haven't been able to reach him in America."

"America ne?" Naraku put a long, purple fingernail to his lips as he considered this.  
'He must be another of those college friends Jakotsu has…'

"Oh, I get it! Ja-Chan must be chasing after Su-Chan!"

"Su-Chan?.." Inuyasha echoed, trying to recall the conversation he'd had with Bankotsu about the man Jakotsu had gone to visit. "I think it was… Midari, Suzaku?"

"Yes, that's the one!" Naraku grinned wickedly then, swaying a little bit on his heels. "Oh my gosh, do you think they've finally hooked up?!"  
"Hooked up…" Inuyasha stared at him, trying very hard not to look disgusted.  
'What is this homo babbling about?' "Like, are they dating?"

"That must be it! Su-Chan and Ja-Chan! Wouldn't that be perfect?!"

"Um, sorry to bust your bubble but Jakotsu is not-"

"Nonsense! No one can fool Jigoku Naraku! That Jakotsu said it was just casual sex but I could tell he was lying! Who could resist someone like Su-Chan anyway? He's so beautiful and-" Finally Naraku stopped rambling, momentarily distracted by his now ringing cellphone. But he shut it off, rather than picking up and addressed the frozen Sophomore before him.

"Look Inuyasha, you've got to get Ja-Chan to call me, understand?" Inuyasha gave him a robotic nod, suddenly feeling ill. 'Casual sex?! But what about misao?'

"And I don't know if anyone ever told you, but you look just like your brother!"  
"My brother?!" He seethed, officially deciding that he hated this Naraku guy. "What the fuck do you know?!"

Naraku laughed, bringing a hand up to wave off his fury. "Plenty. I know all of the juicy gossip! Like how you two are rival heirs to an estate, but daddy left it in your mom's name instead of Sesshoumaru's! And so now you and Sesshy hate each other!"

Inuyasha gaped, open-mouthed at this cocky stranger. How is it that he had never met this man, and yet Naraku seemed to know so much about the people in his life? "Um, look Naraku-san, I'm not trying to be rude but I really can't do anything for you..."  
Naraku sighed, handing off his card. "Well here's my number anyway."  
"Okay," Inuyasha nodded, "When Bankotsu gets out of class I'll ask him if-"

"Bankotsu!?" Now it was Naraku's turn to look shocked, "The Bankotsu lives here?!  
Oh my gosh! Then that means Jakotsu was the mysterious 'girl' he's been dating! Oh, why didn't I figure it out sooner?!"  
"Well yeah-"  
"Oh my god, so Ja-Chan left Bankotsu for Su-Chan?!"  
"I keep trying to tell you he's just visiting America!"

"Bologna!"  
Naraku turned heel and sauntered off, but Inuyasha didn't bother to call after him. That man had to have been the most obnoxious person he had ever met!

Closing the door behind himself, Inuyasha retreated into the house and gladly reclaimed his spot on the sofa. He tried turning the volume up on the TV, but somehow he just couldn't drown out the flurry of unpleasant thoughts that now filled his mind. 'Su-Chan and Ja-Chan.' Naraku had referred to them as if they were close friends. Maybe he knew what he was talking about after all? He had certainly been right on the money when he spoke of Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru. But how did he know all of this? And what else did he know that he hadn't shared?

He rubbed the little calling card between his fingers, raising an eyebrow at the bright purple lettering. He'd sooner die than call that freak. For some reason he felt angry now, just looking at the kanji of Naraku's name.

'Oh my god, so Ja-Chan left Bankotsu for Su-Chan?!'  
He had sounded so happy about that, like it was actually good news! What a completely selfish, air headed prick! Naraku hadn't been there to see how depressed Bankotsu was the day Jakotsu left for America. He hadn't seen the tears in those usually bright blue eyes or the sickly, painful grimace Bankotsu wore during his hangovers. He hadn't seen the way Bankotsu held his 'aisuru' and whispered that song to calm him down… Naraku bragged that he knew so much, but he must've been wrong. He had to have been wrong!

Inuyasha started, shoving the card into his pocket as he recognized the sound of the front door opening. Bankotsu wandered into the house, looking confused. "Found something strange outside." He mumbled, tossing something small over to his roommate. Inuyasha caught it easily, turning it in his hand. "Blushing mocha." It was a tube of lipstick.

"Hey Bankotsu…"

Bankotsu paused, turning back to his roommate before heading off to his room. "What?"  
Inuyasha bowed his head, trying not to sound nosy. "You know someone named Naraku?"  
"Oh, I see!" Bankotsu smiled, suddenly catching on, "must've dropped his lipstick, eh?"

"Yeah…" Inuyasha turned away from his curious friend, deciding to use that cocky bastard for his own means. "Well that guy sure is nosy. He kept trying to get me to tell him about you and Jakotsu…"

"Oh yeah? That sounds like him. All Naraku's ever good for is gossip."

"Well I'd never tell him anything. Even though I don't really understand it myself…"  
Bankotsu returned to the living room, finally catching his drift, and Inuyasha turned off the television as his roommate took the seat beside him on the sofa.

"I'll tell you, Inuyasha, but no one else needs to know."  
He nodded, still avoiding those soft, well-meaning blue eyes. "Jakotsu is my soul mate."  
He pulled his hands up to his face at lightning speed, suddenly blushing furiously.  
"I'm sorry! I promise that's the gayest thing you will ever hear me say…"

"Yeah, but-" "But what?" Those curious blue eyes met his again and Inuyasha tried his hardest not to look as humiliated as he felt. "But Jakotsu... He'd say the same thing about you, right? Like you said, misao. Right?" Bankotsu stared at him for a moment. The expression on his face was impossible to read, but he was definitely not smiling anymore.

"I kind of lied about that."


	16. Hiten's Princess

disclaimer  
I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.  
(Although I wish I did own those adorable, wonderful, super kawaii, sexy little sons of...ahem! anyways)  
I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.  
I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.  
- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

**Not For All The World  
**

**Chapter Sixteen: Hiten's Hime  
**

(AN. Happy Valentine's Day! Time for some lovin'! I should probably put a warning here. Something about how not all readers love delicious, sweaty fanservice. But I'm too selfish. Instead I'll just say read it and review if you like what you see! )

* * *

"Hiten!" Suzaku hurried forward to attach himself to his boyfriend's arm. "Welcome back!"  
"It's not like I was far away," he sighed, falling into pace with the cross dressing redhead and queen. "I saw something nice at that tattoo parlor…"

"What?" Jakotsu pried, putting in his two cents. "Tattoos are hot! You're getting a tattoo?"

"No."

"Then what were you-"

"Shut up."

Jakotsu bristled, but Suzaku cut across him before he could hiss out whatever he was thinking.  
"That face means Hiten doesn't want to talk," he explained, "Anyway look, we're almost to Spencer's!" Suzaku practically danced toward the store. "Ne, Hiten, you said you wanted to get me a gift! Can I have some of the novelty toys in there?"

"You can have whatever you like" he replied simply, causing the two 'girls' he was escorting to suddenly start giggling. "I don't really want them." Suzaku admitted, falling behind with Jakotsu so that he could enjoy a laugh at Hiten's expense.

"I wish Bankotsu had that kind of money to spoil me with," Jakotsu swooned, whispering jealously to his companion, "Ne Su-Chan, ask him if you can have this."

Again Suzaku ran ahead, holding up a jewelry catalogue. "Can I have one of the rings in here?" He wondered, causing Hiten to roll his eyes. "Do you even like diamonds?" He countered, not surprised when Suzaku bit his lip. "Hypothetically, then?"

"Yes, hypothetically, if you found one you'd actually wear I would buy it for you."

The girls squealed hysterically, putting their heads together to whisper behind his back. But Hiten tried his best to ignore them, focusing his attention on the large galleria map. "Can you guys quit fucking around and decide where you want to go already?"

"Ne, Hiten…" Suzaku sidled up to him, trying desperately to restrain his laughter.  
"Seriously, lets go buy sex toys." At seeing his companion's flaming red cheeks, Suzaku burst out laughing and retreated back to his hysterical companion. "Oh my gawd, you actually said it!" the queen gushed, clutching his side as he laughed. "It hurts!"

'What have I gotten myself into?' Hiten let out a sigh. Maybe it would be easier to just wander around the huge shopping mall and choose stores at random. No way was he going to be able to plan a decent trip with these two perverted drama queens in tow.  
He had scheduled this trip with the intention of watching to find out what kind of gifts Suzaku would like, but with Jakotsu around that was not likely to happen. Hiten wasn't used to his redhead 'angel' acting like this, but he assumed it was just the way the 'girls' behaved when they were left to their own devices. Suzaku was so unruly; rowdy and humiliating, and Jakotsu followed happily along, egging him on in his antics and joining in for a laugh afterward.

What was the deal? Wasn't Suzaku the timid, quiet type?  
Or maybe he just acted like that toward Hiten. But then again, Suzaku tended to act even worse than unruly in bed… 'Maybe my Su-Chan is just horny?'

The leader of their ragtag group froze, realizing that he had walked a little too far ahead while he had been lost in thought. Hiten turned heel, spotting his girls just as they cornered a group of teenaged boys. "Hey emo boy!" Jakotsu tittered, batting his sparkling eyelashes as he approached one of them. "I just love your hair. Can I have it?"  
"Why don't you come play with us?" Suzaku chimed in, "redheads have all the fun!"

'Yeah, I guess he is horny… But he's not the only one.' Hiten scoffed, noticing that these teenagers didn't look bothered by their flamboyant pursuers. They each had long black hair and pale faces accentuated with dark makeup. Hiten thought they looked just like a group of zombies. Apparently the gothic, vampire look was in. One of those teenagers even had a spiked collar fastened around his neck. He and his posse flirted shamelessly back, looking very much like they were ready to jump the pretty boys that had wandered into their territory.  
'Jakotsu sure knows how to pick them…'

"This one's mine," Hiten interrupted catching hold of Suzaku's wrist and dragging him away from the zombie club. "Wait, wait we'll lose our queen!" The redhead protested, tossing his cell phone over to his best friend. Jakotsu caught it easily, then turned back to his new friends.  
"Now, where were we?"

* * *

"Mou, Hiten, we were just having a little fun!" Suzaku whined as he took his seat across from his miffed companion in the food court. They were surrounded by bustling, hungry-looking customers that were hurrying to and fro, trying to get at the food stands that lined the walls.  
"I hate it here…" He continued, ducking low, "I feel like there are people watching me!"

"You always feel like someone's watching you." That was a snappy comeback. Hiten was probably still pissed off. He was glaring around at the stands, as if they had done him wrong, mumbling under his breath.

"I don't want to eat without the queen," Suzaku grumbled, "but I'm hungry now that you brought me where I can smell all of these goodies!"

"I'm sure he'll call us once he's had his fun." Hiten took his seat, staring blankly at the menu on the table. His eyes weren't moving, so he probably wasn't even reading it... "Ne, Su-Chan…"  
"Hmm?" Their eyes met and Suzaku felt a little flutter in his stomach when he realized that those chocolate-brown eyes looked a little sad. "Do you like that type of guy? Emo guys?"

"Of course I do!" He prodded one of his painted nails into Hiten's arm with a smile.  
"When we first started talking, I thought for sure you were one of them!"

"Oh…" Hiten pulled his arm back to himself, absently fingering the scars beneath his shirt. Without his usual style of long-sleeved business suits, everyone would probably think that same thing, since his scars would be so easy to see… "Well I'm not emo."

"Okay?" Suzaku raised an eyebrow at him, not sure where he had meant to go with that point. But apparently Hiten had abandoned the effort of having a meaningful conversation because he was now actually reading his menu. "I guess I'll have Chinese."

"Me too, then." Suzaku watched as Hiten rose and wandered off without another word. This certainly was a nostalgic situation. That beautiful black braid swung merrily as he made his way across the food court. It was so cute the way he put his fingers in his mouth when he was trying to decide what to order… Suzaku heard himself sigh as he watched the one he loved. It was a bit pathetic how he couldn't help but study each and every move Hiten made. How he couldn't help but ponder his motives... Maybe that stubborn man was jealous of those cute little emo boys? The thought made his heart flutter. Suzaku smiled mischievously as he thought this over.  
'Hiten's so much sexier than them though…' Maybe he'd have to mention those boys again, just to see the adorable little flash of sadness in those chocolate cat-eyes…

_"Do it!"_

Suzaku started, looking around for the source or those words. That voice… It sounded like someone he knew, someone he hadn't heard from in years…

The blackberry on the table began vibrating, distracting him. The pulse made it shiver and move along the surface of the table. 'How annoying. Why does anyone ever buy these things?' he thought, gazing down at it. The screen read 'My Su-Chan' and he realized this meant that Jakotsu was calling, but at the same time he could not bring himself to answer it.

"You mad at Jakotsu now?" Hiten mumbled, dropping a large bag of carryout onto the table.  
He then removed the chopsticks from his mouth and put those down as well, snatching up his blackberry instead. "Two missed calls?" He read, raising an eyebrow at Suzaku.

"Somebody will overhear if I use that thing to talk," The redhead replied, looking around suspiciously with his emerald-green eyes narrowed. "Someone is watching me!"

"It's all in your crazy little head," Hiten tittered, texting Jakotsu a reply. "I'll just tell him to meet us at the food court, okay?"

"But then they will know where we are!"

"They already know," Hiten sighed, beginning to create the text anyway, "don't worry, I'll protect you from them, whoever they are…" That seemed to work. Suzaku calmed down almost immediately and began sifting through the many Styrofoam boxes Hiten had brought.  
"Which one is mine?"

"Whichever you'd like." He smiled as he watched Suzaku agonize over the sesame chicken vs. the Mongolian beef and wasn't surprised to see him pick the chicken. One thing was always certain about that paranoid, nonsensical redhead; he loved sweets.  
'Unfortunately sweets don't make very good gifts. After all they're gone once you eat them.' He thought this as he observed his strange companion. Now Suzaku was holding up the box of fried rice like it was some kind of treasure. "Aren't these little things cute?" He spun it around by the metal strap, admiring the unique shape of it. "They look like little houses!"

"Yeah, I guess…"

Suzaku smiled over at him, a curious gleam in his eye. "Ne, Hiten what's on your mind?"  
Hiten shrugged, speaking between bites. "I was just thinking, Suzaku is a nice name…"

"It's the name of the legendary phoenix," Suzaku explained, starting in on his own food. "But I don't know why my mom bothered naming me something like that. The phoenix means 'forever' ne?" He scoffed, narrowing those emerald eyes, "Eternal love right? But then she went and ran off. So much for that 'eternal' bull …"

Hiten watched him carefully, recognizing that look. He usually avoided asking questions that might involve Suzaku's estranged family.

"It doesn't matter where you got the name," Hiten offered, "I think it suits you. The name of an ethereal, eternal phoenix." He had hoped to cheer the solemn redhead up. But Suzaku froze as those words registered, staring hard at his own painted nails.

"Eternal… I'm named after a bird that lives forever." He scoffed, trying to pretend he wasn't looking at the tattoo on Hiten's forehead. "Nothing lasts forever. It's just a stupid word that may as well not even exist."

'Nothing is forever. Except maybe my illness…' He still couldn't shake off the feeling that he was being watched…  
Suzaku started, suddenly realizing that he was putting a damper on their otherwise cheerful outing. "Anyway, Hiten, what did you do about all those text messages Ja-Chan sent? You know, the ones that said 'I love Su-Chan?'"

Hiten scoffed, but took the bait anyway. It was probably an attempt to start up a more pleasant conversation…

"I sent out a mass reply that said 'Sorry about that, the wife was playing with my blackberry'."

Suzaku suddenly giggled, snorting into his food, but at least he was smiling again.  
"Now they'll think you have a wife named Su-Chan!" He teased, nearly choking as he began to laugh even harder. "What'll you do if they tell you to bring her to the Christmas banquet?!"

"Decline, I guess…" Hiten mumbled, annoyed at how quickly Suzaku had picked up a flaw in his plan, "God, Suzaku you're too fuckin smart!"

"Sorry, my brain goes a mile a minute." He smiled as he said that, like he wasn't sorry at all.  
"I could pass off as a 'wife', though, right?" Hiten nodded, despite his annoyance.  
He had long since realized that Suzaku really did look a lot like a woman. Though the little black skirt and halter top might have just been playing tricks on his eyes… He could see those long pale legs through the glass table and suddenly had to suppress an urge to reach out and touch them. Suzaku noticed where his eyes were headed and a wicked grin immediately spread over those glossy pink lips. "Like what you see?"

"No."

"Oh?" Suzaku stood then, doing a little turn to show off his entire outfit. "I think you do…"  
He giggled, bending forward as he shook his scandalous bottom half, and Hiten immediately had to check to ensure his nose wasn't bleeding. "Quit!" He snapped, humiliated, but Suzaku only took this as a challenge.  
"Ne, Hiten," He whispered, still shaking his ass, "if you want I'll back up on you…"  
"Sit down," Hiten seethed, "right now." He was definitely not the only one getting an eyeful of the naughty redhead… "Mou…" Suzaku pouted, batting his long auburn lashes, but Hiten only growled at him. "Suzaku, if you don't sit your ass back in that seat…"

"You're no fun!" The redhead whined, settling those smooth vanilla cheeks right back down where they belonged. "Where's my queen! It's no fun flirting with you!"

"What the fuck did you just-"

"Here I am!" Jakotsu made his entrance with a dramatic flourish, waving a large white feather boa in front of them. "Look what Alex bought me!" He bragged, pointing to one of the teenaged gothic kids behind him. "It even matches my dress!"

"Why'd you bring those zombies over here? How am I supposed to eat?"

"Hiten!" Suzaku hissed at him, looking shocked, "That's so mean!"  
"Well so what?" he countered, "Stupid American kids can't understand me anyway. They think English is the only language in the world…"

"Hiten only speaks English at work," Suzaku explained, smiling warmly at Jakotsu's new friends as he greeted them in their native language. "Please, come join us." The boys complied, filling up the little table in an instant. There were three of these 'zombie' kids. The one named Alex took the seat closest to Jakotsu and sidled right up to him, looking very much like he'd rather be sitting in the queen's lap.

"Say my name again," he whispered, petting Jakotsu's boa, "your accent makes me hard…"  
The cross dresser only blushed, swatting his hands away.

"You're going to get arrested," Hiten seethed, watching as Alex attached himself like a leech to Jakotsu's neck.  
"Am not!" The queen countered, giggling hysterically as he tried to pry him off.  
"This one is almost legal!"

"You have the nicest ass I've ever seen."  
Suzaku turned to the teenager beside him, blushing madly. "Um, thank you."  
"I saw you over here shaking it and I thought you were a horny schoolgirl…"  
Bright blue eyes stared unblinking, and the boy reached up, transfixed, to run his painted black fingernails through Suzaku's shining red hair. "Instead you're the prettiest boy I've ever seen."

"Oh stop," Suzaku tittered, completely distracted from his food by this shameless flirting.  
"And I'm not a schoolgirl, I'm a gothic princess."

"That's a shame. I was hoping to invite that sweet ass of yours to a late night cram session…"

"Better watch your mouth," Jakotsu interrupted "that redhead is Hiten's princess." He gestured toward Hiten, who already looked like he might be plotting this kid's bloody murder. "He's the jealous type…" Jakotsu explained, but this warning only seemed to egg the kid on. He leaned in closer to Suzaku, smiling wickedly. "Hey princess," he whispered, his black lips nearly brushing against Su-Chan's stunned pink ones. "I bet you like it on the bottom…"

Suzaku stuttered, shrinking away from him immediately. "Wh- what?!"

"Nandaiyou!?" Hiten hissed, continuing in Japanese, "What the hell is with these kids?!"  
"I think I know," Suzaku mumbled, "teenage hormones…"  
"And look! This one likes to pretend he's a vampire," Jakotsu laughed, again shoving his companion's painted black lips away from his neck, "Let's take them home with us and make good use of those hormones..."

"Hell no!" Hiten barked.

"It'll be fun!" the queen whined, "Ne, Su-Chan you can help me tie them up!"

"Okay!"

"That has got to be illegal…"

"Not if they like it. Emo kids like that kind of shit…"

"They're so cute…" Suzaku leaned back as the 'emo kid' behind him continued to stroke and worship his body,  
"Ne, Ja-Chan, let's cut them and watch them bleed!"

"Yes, let's!" Jakotsu gushed, petting Alex's long black hair. "Oh, it would be so wonderful to hear him beg!"

"Hey Sean!" The third teenager suddenly interrupted, addressing the one that was touching Suzaku. "you better stop before this guy kills you." He pointed to Hiten, who had absently snapped his fork cleanly in half with one hand. 'Sean', as he was called, had leaned forward and tried to slide his hands into Suzaku's tight black skirt. "He can't do anything to me," Sean laughed, nuzzling his face into that gorgeous red hair. "I'm a minor…"

"He's got a point," Jakotsu mumbled, also noticing the silent fury on his roommate's face,.  
'And now I wonder who's more dangerous: me with a knife or Hiten with his bare hands?'

"Are these for me?!" Suzaku suddenly piped up; becoming instantly distracted. He had only just noticed the pile of fortune cookies at the bottom of the bag of Chinese takeout. His eyes sparkled like he'd just won the lottery."Thank you, Hiten!" His furious lover gave him a strained look, as if he could not bring himself to speak, but Suzaku shrugged this off and ripped open one of the cookies. "It says, 'financial freedom is heading your way!'. Hopefully that means my stupid parents will drop dead!" The whole table shook with laughter, aside from Hiten, and the others began opening fortunes of their own, launching into heated conversations about what they must have meant.  
"Looks like I'll be making a new friend!" Alex laughed, waving off Jakotsu's embarrassment. 'Hopefully one with special benefits…"  
"Don't you mean fuck buddy?"  
"I mean victim!" he hissed.  
"You're such a fag!"  
"Awe what the- mine's fuckin' blank!"  
"That's cuz you're gonna die of AIDS!"

They continued like this in loud, slang-heavy English, even with Hiten looking like he might strangle one of them very soon. Sean took advantage of the noise, abandoning his own fortune. "Speaking of parents; mine are out of town next weekend," He whispered, causing Suzaku to shiver as those long black nails ran down his side.  
It was such a low whisper, such a smooth, hidden gesture, that no one else at the table seemed to have noticed it. "I'm having a sleepover. But I promise I won't let you get any sleep…" His fingers slid smoothly beneath the glass table, and he tucked something into the front of Suzaku's skirt, grinning wickedly at the way the redhead involuntarily shivered against his touch.

But just as quickly as this indecent show of affection had begun, it ended. Sean pulled his hands back to himself and stood up, addressing his friends. "Hey guys, let's go to the arcade!"

"DDR!" Alex piped up, finally releasing Jakotsu's neck, "let's do that!"  
"It's dark in the arcade," the third teenager laughed, standing up, "Let's bring this one with us."  
Alex swatted his hand away from Jakotsu, clinging possessively to the beautiful cross dresser. "He's mine!"  
"Stingy!" The other boys seethed in unison.

"Yeah don't be mean," The queen laughed, "There's enough of me to go around…"  
He stood, laughing as the other two boys attached themselves to each of his arms.  
Sean fake-pouted, blowing his princess a farewell kiss. "Call me once you've ditched that grumpy boyfriend. I'll show you how a perfect ass like yours really deserves to be treated…"

"But wait," Suzaku called after them, "You're not hungry?!"

"Of course we are!" Jakotsu replied, walking backwards as the boys dragged him along, "But not for food…"  
He winked mischievously, then turned around to follow after his insistent companions.

"Wow…" Suzaku watched until they disappeared into the crowd, feeling a little bit jealous, "That was just crazy.  
I wonder what he's planning to do with them…" Shrugging, he turned back to his food but nearly fell out of his seat when he realized that Hiten was suddenly standing right next to him! Before he could say or do anything those pale lips had captured his. 'Hiten is kissing me in public!?' As if that wasn't shocking enough, those strong hands had traveled swiftly to his waist and into his skirt!  
Just as he thought he might die of embarrassment however, Hiten released him, having fetched what he'd wanted. 'Shit, he did notice what Sean was doing…'

Hiten held up the flat, square object in his hand, glaring down at what was written on it.  
"Cheeky little bastard…"

Suzaku hid his face, blushing furiously as he realized what it was: a condom with Sean's phone number written neatly across the front. 'Lubricated! Extra Large!' the bright gold package read. Hiten caught hold of his princess's wrist and yanked him from his seat even though Suzaku was already apologizing. "I didn't know he was gonna- ouch Hiten!" He whimpered helplessly as his stronger companion dragged him away, completely abandoning their food in favor of heading off to the far end of the mall, where there were fewer people around. His mind raced and Suzaku felt a sudden rush of fear, wondering where Hiten planned to take him. This side of the mall was quiet and much more sparsely populated. The stores advertised mattresses and suitcases, which apparently were not what the customers wanted…

"Hiten where are we-"

"Shut up!"  
Suzaku obeyed, walking along beside him with his head bowed in silence. Hiten obviously didn't want to attract any attention to himself, and when they finally reached their destination, Suzaku understood why. He let himself be shoved unceremoniously into the one-person, gender-neutral bathroom and stared in disbelieving shock as Hiten locked them in and proceeded to shove him up against the wall, kissing him again.  
"What did I say," Hiten grit between these hot, forced kisses as he slid his hand under that tight black skirt and effortlessly ripped the delicate fabric of the thin black thong beneath it "about letting other men touch you?"

The ruined little garment tossed aside, Hiten moved swiftly to pin Suzaku against the wall, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to his captive's neck as he worked the ties of his own pants loose. "You never said you'd do this!" Suzaku gasped, trying to push him off. But Hiten wouldn't budge. He continued his assault on the trembling princess, ignoring Suzaku's humiliated protests. "Wait Hiten…"  
But those kisses continued; hot and wet, as they trailed down his shivering body. First sliding across his neck and then pressing against his chest before finally settling on their true target. Apparently that cute black skirt made for very easy access to the stiffening response between Suzaku's legs… The redhead closed his eyes, trying not to moan when Hiten took it fully into his mouth, working his tongue expertly against the earnestly heating, swelling flesh. Though shocked, Suzaku submitted, drawing deep shuddering breaths as his body responded to the sudden overwhelming pleasure.

His trembling fingers slid into his lover's long black hair, but Hiten wouldn't let his movements be guided at all. It was scary how determined he was. Suzaku shivered just thinking about it. Surely this was not all that Hiten planned to do to him, now that he had him locked up and pinned against the wall. The real punishment was still to come…

'This is like a scene from some crazy porno vid,' Suzaku thought, dazedly moaning as his hips moved instinctively, pressing forward into that delicious heat. He tried desperately to be silent. Each little sound reverberated on the bathroom walls, and surely he would drop dead of embarrassment if anyone outside realized what those noises meant… Closing his eyes was a bad idea, it only made his mind focus on the heat and the pleasure. He gazed down at his love, trying not to take in the whole, obscene view all at once. Hiten was on his knees. He'd already let his own pants fall to the floor and was now nimbly sliding himself into that thin, lubricated condom. This struck Suzaku as a little odd, since Hiten never used them, but he didn't bother with questioning. His lover's mouth was too full to answer anyway…  
Then Hiten's wet fingers slid inside of him, and Suzaku bent forward, spreading his legs a little wider with his hands on Hiten's shoulders. This felt simply amazing. Suddenly he didn't mind that it was only half over…

Suzaku bit back another moan as he finally relinquished himself to that hot, insistent suckling, and blushed furiously as he watched Hiten spit his pearly white seed right back out, catching it expertly in the palm of his hand and using it to coat the surface of that tightly stretched condom.  
His dominant partner stood then, and Suzaku obediently turned around, letting his body be manipulated into a more convenient stance for the next step. For the second time today he presented his gently swaying hips to the man he loved, reminded vaguely of that shameless teenager. 'I hope Hiten also thinks I have a nice ass…' He didn't dare to say this out loud. Instead he moaned as those wet fingers slid inside of him again, testing him. Suzaku took the bait, backing up so they slid deeper, but Hiten retracted them at this encouragement; apparently anxious to replace them with something else.

The submissive princess grit his teeth, hating himself for anticipating what would come next, even though he had no say in the matter. The little black skirt rode up easily, out of the way, and his palms pressed flat against the cold wall as he bent forward, moaning as his lover forced his way inside of him. It was a tight fit, as usual, but the pre-lubricated condom, coated with his own slippery cum would make for a very pleasant ride. His eyes rolled to the back of his head and Suzaku moaned still louder, submitting to that tantalizing pressure.  
This whole situation was incredible, just like the pain biting into him from behind. It was like a dream, but it must not have been.

'Dreams don't hurt,' He thought dazedly, listening to his lover's barely audible panting as he slammed into him, merciless; insatiable. It was a fluid, precise motion. Each thrust was carefully aimed to elicit that helpless shuddering and painful yet eager moaning. It hurt so good. Suzaku arched his back further, fighting the powerful urge to beg for more. It took his dizzy, pleasure-wracked brain a minute to comprehend, but Hiten was speaking again. Every thrust drove his point painfully home as he bit out each strained syllable.

"You be-long to me!"

Suzaku threw his head back, moaning in confirmation as his own name was whispered with that shuddering, panting breath. "Yes! Oh…" It was impossible to talk. Those delicious, perfectly aimed thrusts came faster and harder, pumping stiff, hot ecstasy into his tortured body. Possessive caramel crashed mercilessly against submissive vanilla, and Suzaku moaned even louder against the hand that swiftly rose to cover his mouth. Once again he came, biting down on Hiten's fingers to stifle the scream as he painted the walls with his pleasure. One last agonizing thrust brought his lover up to speed.

Suzaku stood then, shivering as he made to catch his breath. He barely noticed the kisses being pressed to the back of his neck. His legs shook threateningly and he thought he might fall, but those strong arms caught hold of him and pulled him close. He could feel the sweat sticking to his shirt and the slick white nectar sliding between their tightly joined bodies. It was hard to breathe and painful to move, but desperately he wished this impossible dream would never have to end.

"I love you," he whispered, turning to catch those wet, panting lips in his own. Hiten squeezed him possessively as they kissed, then pulled back with that cocky grin on his face, laughing when Suzaku whimpered, begging to finally be released. "I know."


	17. The Rain, The Rams, and the Moon

disclaimer  
I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.  
(Although I wish I did own those adorable, wonderful, super kawaii, sexy little sons of...ahem! anyways)  
I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.  
I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.  
- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

(AN. Welcome back! This one will be part flashback chapter! No warnings to speak of... well unless you squick at Hiten/Ban getting a bit up close and personal ~_^ Term definitions are available at the end if necessary. That's all I have to say! Please enjoy. )

Not For All The World

**Chapter Seventeen:** **The Rain, the Rams, and the moon in each of their hearts**

**

* * *

  
**

It was raining. Hiten Raiyuki wasn't wet. Somehow or other, he always managed to dodge the pouring rain even when it started so early in the morning. Hiten was early to wake up and early to arrive at school, every single day. Many had asked him why, but he'd never answered. If he did, it would have to be a lie, and he refused to tell lies. It was beneath him…

This morning he waited in the locker room, instead of the main hall like the other students.  
The locker room was otherwise empty, of course, but he knew it would not be that way for long. He leaned against the window, watching his cellphone count the minutes down. At exactly seven AM, his best friend would be here. 'Or maybe 7:05, considering the rain…'

Hiten made himself comfortable, staring out the window at the soaked football field.  
'No practice today, but I still get to see him' It didn't get any better than this...

It was difficult not to laugh at the drowned rat that finally dragged himself into the locker room to join Hiten. "Fuck this weather…" Bankotsu growled. He slung his sopping wet hair over his shoulder as his heavy backpack fell to the ground. "Shut up, Rai-Chan!" he added, as his best friend burst out laughing.

Hiten was completely unfazed by this rude welcoming. He headed right over to his grumpy companion and draped a towel over Bankotsu's shoulders, pulling him into a firm embrace. "Good morning to you too, Ban."

That miserable 'wet rat' shivered against him as Hiten held on, sharing the warmth of his own dry body. "I hate rain," he heard Bankotsu whine, but Hiten couldn't have agreed less. "Don't worry, I knew you'd wind up getting soaked so I brought you a towel, see? Aren't you glad you got so lucky today?"

"Not lucky…" Bankotsu sighed, leaning a little closer to the warmth of his dearest friend.  
"I knew you'd be here to take care of me."

"Ah," Hiten chuckled, "caught onto me eh?"

Bankotsu nodded. A little smile had spread onto those pale lips, and Hiten was glad to see it. Their foreheads pressed together instinctively; heated pink jewels against a cold purple star, and each man closed his eyes to revel in the comforting presence of the other. It was a rare, precious time when they could be alone like this, and even more rare was the chance for Hiten to so tenderly hold this; his best friend and most fervent desire…

Those slightly shivering breaths came slowly, tickling pleasantly on his neck, and Bankotsu chuckled as Hiten finally gave into the urge to shove him up against the lockers. He let those controlling hands hold him while the heated kisses warmed his quivering lips. Like alcohol, intoxicating, burning pleasure sparked between their dancing tongues and tightly joined bodies.  
Hiten's fingers slid beneath his shirt, peeling the wet fabric out of the way so he could press their exposed skin together, but Bankotsu dodged. "I'm not your bitch," he growled, shoving his partner away. Hiten was amused by that. "Prove it," he challenged, forcing another kiss to Bankotsu's protesting lips. It was impossible to pry those insistent hands off, so Bankotsu merely reversed their positions and pinned Hiten instead, but that cocky grin flashed, unfazed and in an instant Bankotsu found himself on the ground with Hiten on top of him. 'Omoshiroi…'  
Swiftly he rolled and again pulled a successful reversal. He was just as powerful and twice as stubborn as his domineering partner. Hiten wrestled his way back on top; panting, unable to stop smiling even as he was again rebuffed. Who would come out on top? It didn't matter.  
The two well-trained jocks could wrestle like this for hours and enjoy every moment of it.

Adrenaline meant there was no such thing as pain; only amused resignation and victorious domination. Each of them loved a good challenge so this kind of game occurred often. It was their own unique display of affection. Suddenly Bankotsu couldn't stop laughing as he dodged those kisses that tickled and toyed with his body.  
He tumbled on the ground with his best friend and came to realize that nothing felt cold or miserable anymore. There was only the heated unity of their bodies crashing together; their two hearts beating joyfully as one.

The tumult of the storm outside raged on; completely forgotten.

----------------

* * *

---

Literature.

It was one of those awful classes that no one really cared about, but everyone was forced to take anyway. At least that was Bankotsu's opinion… He hated this class for that very reason; everyone was there. Two rows ahead of him sat a very bored-looking cross dresser. Jakotsu Kujaku was once again wearing a women's uniform, even though everyone knew he was not supposed to. Jakotsu didn't care, of course, and went right along doing whatever the hell he pleased. Today his skirt was short and black, so there was no slit up the side like usual, but there was still a very generous view of those long, pale legs.

God, Bankotsu hated that view. He hated that uniform…  
Sometimes Jakotsu would shift in his seat and that skirt rode up further. Today he had done that three times already, and Bankotsu took careful note of each accidentally suggestive movement. In his mind it was Bankotsu's own hands, purposely forcing that skirt up, with his body instead of that seat, nestled between those porcelain legs. Sometimes he wished his other classmates would just drop dead. Then he could finally be alone with Jakotsu. He wanted nothing more than to force those gorgeous legs apart and ravage that flawless body which already, though secretly, belonged to him.

"Hey, Ban!" Bankotsu startled out of his thoughts, leaning back to address Hiten, who was supposed to be seated behind him, but instead had leaned forward to rest his chin on his best friend's shoulder.  
Hiten was never happy unless the two of them were touching…  
"What Rai-Chan?"

"Did you do the reading?" Hiten wondered. He was pretending to chew on his pencil so he could talk without the teacher noticing. Bankotsu shook his head. "Like I would bother." "Well there's a quiz at the end of class." At this Bankotsu bristled, but Hiten immediately made to alleviate his worries. "The answer is 'Bamboo'."

"I love you," Bankotsu mouthed, snickering as Hiten backed off, blushing furiously in response. "Fag," seemed to be all he could say to that.  
Bankotsu had to try very hard not to laugh at that retort, putting his head down on his desk to play off his amusement. He sat up soon though, and tried to pay attention to the lecture.

Their teacher was already discussing the reading they were supposed to have done, but Bankotsu hadn't heard a single word of it. Her lips were moving but at the moment all they said was "Jakotsu, Jakotsu, Jakotsu…" Automatically his blue eyes wandered back to the usual object of his attention. The cross dresser looked almost as distracted as Bankotsu himself. He seemed restless. Those long red nails tapped on his desk every now and then. His fingers were so long and graceful, just like his green-tinted hair.

'I wonder if he's thinking of me, too?' Bankotsu couldn't help but wonder this as Jakotsu glanced back at him, causing butterflies to spring to life in his stomach. Those onyx eyes met his cheerful blue ones for only a moment, and neither man dared to show any obvious sign of acknowledgment, but the affection was still there. Their secret was still there, shining silently in those mesmerizing eyes… Jakotsu turned back to the front, pretending he was paying attention, and Bankotsu immediately felt a sense of pleading loneliness. Jakotsu was right there. The one he wanted was so close, but he couldn't have him. He could only watch that beautiful body and obsess over what his beloved may or may not have been thinking about.

Sometimes those beautiful eyes gazed off, somewhere far away and Bankotsu wondered what was on his mind; who was on his mind. Bankotsu knew that Jakotsu was the promiscuous type. The jealousy pulsed through his veins like lava each time he saw his beautiful partner even talk to someone else, but it couldn't be helped since they couldn't be together. He was the football captain and Jakotsu was… a freak. If anyone ever found out what he wanted to do to that strange cross dresser, Bankotsu's social life would be over. So it was a secret. They were a secret. Every moment, every forbidden kiss had to be locked away inside. But still Bankotsu loved that man, desperately, completely. Whether it took ten years or twenty, he would not be able to rest until he could finally have him…

The teacher walked by, reading aloud from the text and Bankotsu immediately set his mind on her instead, hoping she had not noticed where he had been staring.

" 'If I will never see my love again, what good is this potion of immortality?'," She was saying, "that is essentially the final acknowledgment of this tale, and it is that which makes the story of the Bamboo Cutter truly meaningful to mankind. It is a tale of love and longing, a tragedy so subtle yet so profound."

'Oh, I know this story already,' Bankotsu realized. It was the classic tale of the Bamboo Cutter and the Princess of the moon; Kaguya. The princess asked her suitors for treasures that were nearly impossible to find, and despite the fact that the suitors tried to prove their love by searching for the impossible treasures, she ultimately left them and returned home to the moon. In Bankotsu's opinion, she was nothing but a selfish bitch, but at the same time he wished love were simple like it was in fairy tales. 'Are there any real people like that? Whose love can be bought? I wish Jakotsu were one of them!' Bankotsu knew he shouldn't think of things like that, but his eyes automatically returned to watch that cross dresser. If only Jakotsu would name some gift that could be used to earn his love. Impossible or not, Bankotsu would gladly take on a task like that if it meant Jakotsu could be his forever. There must have been some way to coax the mischievous, snake-like beauty into his bed for good…

The teacher was still talking.  
"It is interesting that Kaguya-Hime does not die, like Shakespeare's Juliet, but returns to the moon. She leaves the man who loved her, and this creates a unique sadness, something even more powerful than death. Can anyone tell me why that is?"

The class was silent, as usual, even though they knew the teacher wanted some input. After a moment, their sensei assumed none of the students knew the answer, and so she made to fill them in.  
"Because-"

"Because he can see, but not touch the one he loves."

Bankotsu nearly jumped at the unfamiliar voice behind him. All eyes turned to the mysterious redhead who sat at the back of the classroom. Midari Suzaku had spoken for the very first time.  
"Excellent, Midari-san!" their teacher just barely managed to force this out. She must have been just as shocked as the rest of the class to catch the redhead speaking for once. Bankotsu himself wouldn't have cared, even if Midari's answer was 'excellent', but he noticed that now Jakotsu had turned completely around in his seat. Those onyx eyes gazed affectionately at that redhead. Those plump red lips grinned at him, and those long painted nails glimmered as he waved enthusiastically to not Bankotsu, but Suzaku...  
'I hate it when he does that shit!' Bankotsu put his head back down on his desk, trying to smother the jealousy that had just sprung to life inside of him. He suddenly wanted to drag that cross dresser off that seat and into his car…

His sensei continued the class; clueless. To her and everyone else, Bankotsu's inner turmoil did not even exist.

"Did everyone hear? Midari-san, please explain." Sensei requested, and the entire classroom fell into a careful silence; transfixed by the timid voice they had never heard before. "Well Romeo and Juliet died, but they died together," Suzaku said, "This story is more of a tragedy because the two lovers are alive but separated. Hence; he can see, but not touch the one he loves."

"Precisely!" Sensei glowed, immediately going off on a tangent. "This tale captures the torturous longing of a man who has fallen in love with someone just out of his reach. Perhaps on earth, we are each destined to feel like this. Think of it, even the wolves howl up at the beautiful moon they can never touch. Nature itself bows before the ethereal glow of something we were never meant to possess. Furthermore there is a moral to the five sacred treasures. This tale reminds us that life is fleeting, so amassing material possessions, even amazing treasures like that, is useless since you cannot use treasure to buy love. Even everlasting youth becomes useless if you are doomed to spend your life alone. The moral is this; true happiness can only be found in our hearts. Only, in love."

'Well that's obvious…' Bankotsu sighed as his eyes glued themselves again to his beautiful Aisuru. 'Happiness can only be found in your heart…' It didn't feel that way at the moment, though. All his heart felt was pain. 'What good is immortality if I will never be with the one I love?' Now that quote meant something to Bankotsu. That he could relate to…

'Happiness in your heart?' Hiten had to try very hard to avoid scoffing out loud. 'How lame!'  
Hearts were nothing but trouble, and much more trouble than they were worth. 'Possessions do mean something. If you can possess what you love then you will be happy.' He absently reached out and caught hold of his best friend's long black braid and tugged. Bankotsu leaned back and he whispered a sudden request. "Let's go out tonight. That new icecream shop…"

"Sure thing."

Even after he'd received his answer Hiten refused to release Bankotsu. He toyed absently with that silken black hair, many times unbraiding and rebraiding it; worshiping each strand. He liked to yank on it especially. Bankotsu would turn and give him that look, promising retribution, but that only made him more adorable...

Sharp green eyes watched the exchange of the identical best friends, but Midari Suzaku carefully pretended he hadn't noticed anything. 'I saw nothing…' Not the way those hands tugged so possessively or the hidden meaning of such a benign request. The way those chocolate eyes fixed Bankotsu with a hunger that those affectionate blue ones failed to notice… Suzaku turned his own gaze back to his notes, where it belonged, only to find that he'd been doodling instead of writing all along. The picture he'd sketched looked a lot like a large black dog. It was the same color, but nowhere near as breathtaking as the ebony braid that lie against the back of Hiten's amazing body. Today, just like every day, he wished he could at least touch his hair…

'It's a tragedy because he can see but not touch the one he loves…'

Their sensei was speaking again, and now the class groaned in annoyance.  
"Pop quiz!" she announced, "Short answers, please. 'Where can one find the princess of the moon?' There are many answers! Introspect, my children. What did you learn today?"  
She walked around to each desk, observing what her students were writing.

"Inside bamboo. Well that's technically correct, though not very intuitive."  
"In the howl of a wolf. Very nice Jakotsu."  
"In the glow of the moon. Lovely!"  
"She represents the love people chase. Spot on, Bankotsu."  
"In the hearts of the fools who loved her. Sounds just like you, Raiyuki."

The teacher paused as she once again stood before the timid redhead. Suzaku was vaguely aware of the fact that the other students were looking at him too, but only one of them mattered.  
For a few precious moments, those chocolate eyes lingered on his own…

"That aching feeling inside of our hearts. Beautiful, Midari."

* * *

"Do they do this… a lot?"  
"Yep."  
"Why?"  
"They just love to fight, I guess…"

The football team stood around on the soggy field, commenting on their captain and quarterback, who were locked in a standing wrestling match. Bankotsu and Hiten fought like this on a regular basis; fiercely, tirelessly. The two of them were like rams, locking horns again and again, each trying to force the other to the ground. If left alone, they would probably go at it for hours…

"Shouldn't we like… stop them?"  
"Yeah right."  
"Get between them and see what happens."  
"If you're dumb enough…"

The coach finally showed up. He was grinning as he beheld his two star players and was the only one honest enough to admit what they were all thinking. "Those two are deadly. With them on our team the championship is in the bag…" He blew his whistle, calling out to his two rams, "Alright boys come on back!"

"I'm almost done!" Bankotsu grit out, head-butting his best friend, but Hiten only laughed as they collided for what must have been the hundredth time. "Dream on!" It was a stalemate, as usual. The two were equal in not only looks, but strength and stamina as well. Hiten didn't notice the blood smeared on his eyebrow and Bankotsu ignored the ache in his head as he slammed his star right back into those jewels.

There was nothing quite so exhilarating as forcing another man to his knees. Hiten was without a doubt the most formidable partner he'd ever encountered, so Bankotsu never missed a chance to challenge him. He loved the glare in those mean cat-eyes and the feel of that hot, heavy body pressing against his own. Surely Hiten felt the same way. The only thing fiercer than their rivalry was their loyalty to each other…

'Just a little more!' He told himself, forcing his best friend back another step. Tackling someone as powerful as Hiten was like hitting a natural high. It was worth the strenuous wrestling matches and the painful collisions if he could have this heated body pinned beneath his own.  
One more push and that would be it; one more crash of horns…

Then Bankotsu's cellphone began to ring and with that millisecond of distraction, he finally succeeded in knocking Hiten off his feet. The two tumbled to the ground, one on top of the other, and their game ended. Neither could even catch their breath for laughing so hard.

"I win." Bankotsu eventually managed to say and Hiten scoffed, shoving him off. "For now!"  
God, he always had such irresistible audacity! For the second time that day Bankotsu sincerely wished his peers would drop dead so he could be alone with another man… "So who is it?" Hiten's question jogged Bankotsu back to reality and he dug out his cellphone, wondering who had interrupted their game. "A text message."

"Yeah? Anything important?" Hiten wondered, but Bankotsu waved him off. "Not even."  
Hiten took his word for it and stood, brushing himself off, completely unaware of the lie he'd just bought.

Bankotsu held his cellphone so no one else could see it. The LCD shown bright against the threatening gray sky, 'From Aisuru: Miss you. Meet me 2nite?'

Bankotsu took Hiten's hand, grateful for the sparring partner who was thoughtful enough to help him back up. "Thanks, man." Coincidentally, that cocky smile flashed almost as bright, replying with the very same words Bankotsu typed into his cellphone. "Sure thing."

* * *

It was storming again. The black sky raged on, relentless. The rain and wind beat against the roof of his car, matching the rhythm of Bankotsu's smoothly crashing hips; wet, erratic strokes.  
His partner must have gasped his name at least fifty times as those powerful thrusts forced him up against the leather seats. "Harder, fas- Oh, yes…." Humiliating words like these escaped of their own accord, mingling with the moans and the gasps. Bankotsu felt all but insatiable tonight; ruthless. He held his prey down hungrily and moved only faster, deeper as he wrestled with his forcedly submissive companion. Their bodies slid against the leather, wet from rain or sweat, neither could tell and neither cared. They hurt so good and came so fast. Dirty, shameless erotic fulfillment crashed over each man as mutual climax shook their thoroughly abused bodies.

Bankotsu was first to collapse, and he dragged his lover along for the ride.

They rested together against those leather seats, enjoying the stifling heat and the faint smell of gasoline. 'Together.' That was all that mattered. Tonight they were truly, finally together. In his frustration, Bankotsu had left bruises on those perfect shoulders and bitemarks on that precious neck, but even still he refused to pull out or release his partner in any way. "Stay with me," he whispered breathlessly, "belong to me, be part of me, don't ever leave, no matter what…"

Those lips curved into a cocky grin; endearing yet mischievous, and his companion replied.

"I'd never leave you, Aisuru. Not for all the world."

* * *

-------------------

That night Raiyuki Hiten lay in bed, alone, and right around nine hundred days later, he was doing that very same thing, but this time he lay in America, waiting for his own submissive partner. It wasn't long before Suzaku reentered the room, having only just come from the shower. He looked so edible with that dark, dripping hair and flushed pink skin. His elegant hands were working that long, red hair against a towel, trying to dry it, but Hiten interrupted.  
He caught hold of one of those thin wrists and yanked his partner onto the bed with him.

Suzaku landed right on top of him. His weight was nothing, but his presence meant everything.

That heated body pressed against his own, slightly wet and shivering; docile. Hiten kissed those sweet pink lips and pulled Suzaku closer, into a tight, constricting embrace, not caring about the barely audible whimpers or the way his captive had winced. 'Mine,' that was the only thing going through his head; the only thing that mattered. Times had changed completely.  
He could not only touch but own the one he wanted now… 'Only mine.'

Hiten forced that redheaded angel onto its back and pinned those wrists to the mattress before beginning to trail open-mouthed kisses over every inch of that sweet, delicate skin. "Hiten?"  
He barely paused, flicking his tongue over one of those supple pink nipples. "Hmm?"

"Please be gentle," Suzaku whispered, trying to free his hands, "you'll leave more marks..." Hiten loosened his grip, as requested, and only then did he notice the purplish bruise on that wrist he loved to yank so much. Normally he would never be so rough with someone so delicate, but lately it had become much more difficult to restrain himself. "Behave yourself then."

"What?" Suzaku didn't seem to understand, so Hiten explained.  
"I've warned you before, but you still let other men touch you…."

"Are you mad at me?"  
That was probably a reasonable question, but Hiten didn't have an answer for it. There was a word for this feeling. Anger? Frustration? And maybe it wasn't even Suzaku that he was upset with. He couldn't stop thinking of the 'smurf' Jakotsu and that cheeky bastard known as Sean. Both had been allowed to touch _his_ Suzaku, encroach upon _his_ territory. The images replayed themselves in his mind: Suzaku wrestling with his best friend, with someone else's weight on his hips and someone else's kiss on those lips. Sean's hands had caressed this fair skin; those black fingernails raked along the sides of the body that was only meant for Hiten's embrace…

What did Hiten want? To vent his fury or reassert his dominion over this beautiful redhead?  
Those bruises did both, yet neither.

"Gentle?" It was so much easier said than done. Suzaku tried to sit up, but Hiten shoved him right back down where he belonged. "Fuck that." Sometimes he seriously hated this tempting, sensitive body. Surely there was nothing so frustrating in the world…

"Please. I will behave…"

"I don't believe you."

"Please, it hurts when…" Suzaku's words melted back into whimpers as those thin fingers wrapped around Hiten's wrists, but he seemed torn; unable to pry the controlling hands off. He wanted but feared them at the same time. "Be sweet, Hiten…" Pink lips begged, just like that vanilla skin. His hands led Hiten's along the smooth surface of his body, imploring, until his fingers just barely met the matching bruises on each of those porcelain hips. 'I made these at the mall…'

"You bruise easily?"  
"Maybe, but…" He didn't want to finish that sentence. Maybe he didn't even know what he would have finished it with. Hiten pondered those bruises as he leaned down to trail kisses over each of them. It was so easy. He could make new ones with his lips alone…

_'I'm named after a bird...' _That's what Suzaku had said.

Unfortunately Suzaku really was nothing like Bankotsu. He was not a ram, but a delicate phoenix like his name suggested. A phoenix with those long, angelic wings, soft feathers, and a light body, built for flight, not combat. Was it even possible for a reckless ram to learn to gently handle such a creature? When Hiten held Suzaku's pleading hands, it was as if powerful hooves were crushing against smooth, delicate feathers. Yet their fingers intertwined as if they belonged together, their bodies fit together like puzzle pieces; two perfectly opposite yet perfectly matched halves…. If only he were careful enough, conscious enough, maybe he wouldn't hurt Suzaku.

'But what if I want to?'

It seemed more pertinent to clip Suzaku's wings, or better yet, rip them completely from his back. Why should his phoenix have the ability to fly away?

"I don't feel like being gentle," he confessed, laying down as he pulled that gorgeous body back into his arms, "It pisses me off when other people touch my things…"

"But I touch things that are yours." Suzaku pointed out. He reached right down and pulled Hiten's blackberry from his pocket, but even though those brown eyes followed it, he didn't bother trying to reclaim it.  
"That's not what I meant…"

"Oh?" Suzaku tossed it aside, but still Hiten didn't react. The blackberry clattered on the floor beneath them; forgotten, and Hiten let his partner take his belt off too. It didn't matter...  
"You can do what you want," he shrugged, watching Suzaku work him out of his pants.

"Except?" The redhead challenged, tossing those aside as well.  
Hiten thought about that for a moment, but soon came up with his answer.  
"Want someone else."

"You're telling me what to want. What to feel?" Suzaku echoed incredulously, absently unbuttoning Hiten's shirt so he could toss that aside as well. "I thought I told you, I'm not one of your possessions."

"Yes you are."

Suzaku made an indignant little scoffing sound. His fingers trailed over the newly exposed body of his 'owner'. It seemed like he was admiring yet sizing him up at the same time…  
"Well what if…"

"Hmm?" Finally Hiten moved to pull the blankets over that beautiful pale body. Suzaku instinctively snuggled closer and let himself be held, just like the obedient pet he was. The way their bare bodies fit together was beyond perfect. Surely Suzaku knew this…  
"The way we are now. What if I was with someone else, just like this?"

'I'd kill you.' Hiten didn't even have to think. That response was natural for him; automatic, but he didn't dare say it out loud. "Suzaku, if you play with fire…"

"I'll get burned." The redhead finished. He didn't seem bothered. Maybe he'd already guessed the answer to that question… "I'll let you sleep now." Hiten sighed, loosening his grip so that Suzaku could get more comfortable.

'He seems so frustrated…' This thought flitted through Suzaku's mind as he watched Hiten try to rest.  
'It's my fault that Hiten can't sleep lately." Somehow that fact was flattering; comforting.  
The silent minutes dripped by, but still neither of them could fall asleep. Hiten was probably very much awake. Even though those eyes were closed and his breathing was steady, Suzaku could tell he was too troubled to sleep. Those hands still held him close; tight, and constricting.

'What if I try to move?' Eventually Suzaku gave into this curiosity, but the moment he pulled away, his companion reacted. Suddenly Hiten lay on top of him. It was such a smooth, fluid motion…  
"Where do you think you're going?"

Fierce brown eyes bore down on timid green as Hiten's weight ground against the bruises on Suzaku's hips. "That hurts."

"So?"

"Get off."

"No."  
Hiten had cocked his head as he said this, as if begging the question. 'Should I care what you think?' Yes but no... Suzaku yanked that black braid, pulling Hiten closer even while his body begged to be released. There was something in this toxic, addictive kiss that warped reality itself. Was he a possession or a person? Abused or cherished? A lover or a Replacement?  
It was impossible to tell. He could feel the rough skin on Hiten's arm; the scar that branded him with Bankotsu's name. 'Forget him. Can't you forget him and love me instead?' Hiten was showering his body with kisses again. Pain and pleasure combined; stifling heat and constricting embrace. His hands automatically slid between Hiten's legs, eliciting pants that mimicked his own desperate hunger. "Want me," he whispered, reveling in that heated touch and passionate kiss. "Want me so badly you can't stand it."

"I do."

The butterflies fluttered in his stomach as Suzaku tried to digest those words.  
This embrace was so tight and controlling. These kisses were more like bites; forceful, intense, just like those bedroom eyes. There was something new in this passion; dangerous, addictive. Hiten was restless like Suzaku had never seen him. Was it jealousy, possessiveness, or something else?  
Was he finally beginning to feel what Suzaku felt?

'Love me, love me.' He begged with his body. It would hurt physically and emotionally. Suzaku felt tired and still sore from their previous romp at the mall, but what did that matter? The tears and pain were a meager toll for something he'd be willing to trade his life for. "You can fuck me if you want…"

"You don't want that."

This panting reply took Suzaku by surprise. Hiten was obviously up for it. Their kiss only deepened at his insistence and his body responded to even the slightest caress of the fingers between his legs. Amazing. It had only been a few hours since they'd last had sex…  
"But don't you want it, Hiten?"

"Yes." his answer was automatic, just like the way his hips ground against Suzaku's infuriatingly unenthusiastic lower half. "Want me?" the redhead teased, amused by his newly insatiable appetite. But again his dominant partner declined. "Not if you don't want me too."

"How sweet…" Suzaku rolled so that Hiten could spoon him from behind. Then he carefully coaxed that engorged, pinkish head into sliding between his thighs. "Vanilla sex?" he propositioned, squeezing affectionately as Hiten embraced him and thrust deeper. "Alright."  
The two of them could easily agree on this arrangement. Not only would it not hurt Suzaku but it would also provide plenty of satisfaction with only half the mess.

'Perfect,' Hiten kissed his delicate phoenix all the while, infinitely pleased by the impossibility of causing him pain. He could thrust just as hard and deep as he liked… Sometimes Suzaku gasped in surprise when a particularly powerful crash met his sensitive body and that sound alone was practically orgasmic. "Su-Chan…" the redhead leaned closer and one of his earrings brushed Hiten's nose. "What?" Hiten mumbled incoherently as he kissed Suzaku's neck. That curious, quiet little voice was all he'd really wanted to hear, but a question occurred to him then. "Why do you keep asking me if I want you?" Suzaku didn't answer, but he squeezed his lover even more tightly so that Hiten's next words came out in huffs. "Of- Of course… I want you."

It was that simple. This body with its smooth vanilla skin and cool, snowy countenance was so much more addictive than any drug could ever hope to be. Even Suzaku's voice was addictive; haunting, like a song Hiten just couldn't get out of his head. Being with him like this only made it worse; only made the desire grow. If there was such thing as a red string of fate, surely Hiten had already managed to wrap it several times around his own neck. Sometimes it was difficult to tell who was the real 'pet' with not only that red string but also that thick golden chain biting into Hiten's neck. Suzaku was bound by no such leashes. The farther they were apart, the tighter these restraints would squeeze Hiten's neck. Surely he'd suffocate if Suzaku ever left. That's why he wanted to be rid of those wings, to completely own Suzaku. "You belong to me," he whispered as he slid between those porcelain legs for what must have been the thousandth time. Hopefully in his lifetime, ten thousand more would come. "I want you. Worry all you like, ask me as many times as you want but the answer still won't change."

For whatever reason, Suzaku still didn't seem to believe those words. "You say that…" he whispered. His voice suddenly sounded so sad and Hiten instinctively held him closer, wishing he could just squeeze every ounce of doubt from his body. "But what if-"  
"Shut up." He knew he shouldn't say things like that; lose patience with Suzaku, but Hiten didn't see why this conversation should even be taking place. "Stop thinking and worrying and asking me bullshit questions. Just be with me. Belong to me, like you always have."

Suzaku nodded. "I know…" His fingers intertwined with Hiten's, following the hands that slid over his flawless curves; worshiping, encouraging. "that I belong to you."

"Ooh," The sound that Hiten made in response was affirming, yet frustrated just like the way he ground his hips into the heated porcelain ones before him. "Say-" He panted, feeling that red string tighten on his neck, "Say that again."

"I love you."

Hiten froze, caught off guard.

"Why'd you stop?" Suzaku absently slid a hand between his legs to wipe off some of the precum and then popped those same fingers into his mouth. "You can continue..."

'Fuck…' That just about summed up the jumble of emotions in Hiten's head. Addictive, naïve, and hopelessly erotic. That just about summed up Suzaku… How'd he manage to fall into bed with someone like this? "Know what, Su-Chan?"

"What?"

"I belong to you too."

Suzaku didn't know if he should be shocked or pleased. He watched in silence as Hiten pulled away and moved so they could lie face to face. Internally he noted that he liked this position more since he'd be able to watch Hiten cum… Those heated kisses fell on his chest now, every now and then sliding wet and smooth over his nipples. The golden locket traced the exact opposite sensation wherever it met his skin; cold and hard, yet just as comforting. In that moment their hearts beat as one. He hadn't meant to, but for the first time Suzaku mimicked his love's possessive grip, reveling in his partner's amazing, shuddering pleasure.

'Hiten wants me? Hiten belongs to me?'  
He wanted so desperately to believe that. Suddenly he couldn't help but meditate on that same shameful, possessive notion. 'I want him to be… mine. Only mine.'

* * *

**Terms:** in order of appearance.

**Vanilla sex:** Named after Vanilla icecream. As its name suggests, this is more of a basic, primary form of sex. With homosexual couples it is usually nonpenetrative. This provides a safer but still enjoyable session. The dominant partner will slide between the submissive partner's thighs instead of inside of the submissive partner.  
This virtually eliminates the risk of pain, bruising, STD spread and so on. It is very convenient if your submissive love isn't in the mood.

**Red String of Fate: **In Japanese folklore, the red string of fate is said to bind people together. It is an invisible force that inevitably draws and holds people together. In the new series of Inuyasha, "The Final Act" you can clearly see the red string of fate at the end of the opening themesong. One end is tied around Inuyasha's finger, the other is tied to Kagome's. The Red String of Fate is figurative and a bit superstitious. The fact that Hiten suspects his is tied around his neck says alot about his relationship with Suzaku. What exactly does it say? I'll leave you to interpret. ~_^


	18. Tsuki No Tragedy

disclaimer  
I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Suzaku, Hiten, Bankotsu, Jakotsu, or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.  
(Although I wish I did own those adorable, wonderful, super kawaii, sexy little sons of...ahem! anyways)  
I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.  
I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.  
- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

(An. Read. Review. And I love you.)

**Not For All The World**

**Chapter Eighteen: Tsuki No Tragedy**

"Did you hurt yourself Su-Chan?"

Suzaku turned to his best friend with shock in his eyes. Jakotsu was usually anything but astute, but this morning he seemed on top of things. The queen reached out and tried to touch Suzaku's bruised wrist, but the redhead immediately pulled away. "It's nothing."

"But wh-" Luckily Hiten arrived at that moment and slammed his briefcase onto the table, startling the cross dresser out of his thoughts. "Please say one of you has seen my cell phone!"  
There was an air of panicked pleading in his voice, but Suzaku hardly sympathized. "Quit losing it if you love it so damn much..."

"Su-Chan did you move it?"

"No."

"I think you did…"

"Well I didn't."

At that point Jakotsu interrupted, halfway through eating his strawberry shortcake. "Well Hiten, did you look in the washing machine?"  
"Oh shush Ja-Chan!" Suzaku sighed.  
Hiten raised an incredulous eyebrow at the now snickering queen. "The washing machine?"  
"That's where he put mine." As Jakotsu said this he blew his best friend a mischievous kiss. At the same moment Hiten was glaring at the mischievous redhead. "Suzaku I better not find my phone in the fucking washing machine…"

"You might…" was Suzaku's lofty reply, and Hiten immediately left, presumably to check the laundry room for his missing cellphone.

"Did you really put it in there?" Jakotsu wondered, taking the seat beside his best friend.  
"No." Suzaku said simply, reaching down to snatch the strawberry from the top of Jakotsu's cake. "I put it in the fridge…"

Jakotsu choked in the middle of taking another bite. It was probably not appropriate to laugh at that, but he couldn't help it. "Su-Chan, you're such a liar!"

"So?" Suzaku shrugged, serving himself a slice of cake.

"Do you just enjoy torturing him or what?"

"Just watch. Hiten is sweet if you push his buttons enough."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Watch," Suzaku mumbled, taking the rest of the strawberries off the top of the cake. "This is good. Did Hiten buy this cake?"

"Must have. It wasn't me…"

Hiten wandered back in at that moment, looking even more frustrated than before.  
"It's not in the washing machine, or the bathtub, or the toilet or the bathroom sink…" He listed the locations, mumbling to himself. "Where haven't I looked?"

"In this cake?" Jakotsu suggested, earning himself an annoyed scoff from Hiten and a snicker from Suzaku. "Fuck this," Hiten sighed, giving up his seemingly futile search. And sure enough, he then made to stand right behind his mischievous phoenix. He watched Suzaku eat his cake, absently petting that long red hair. "At least you're cute…"

Jakotsu watched their exchange with interest, wondering why Suzaku didn't take offense to being told something like that. Did Hiten mean to say that his only redeeming quality was looks?  
'Can't be.' He must have meant it as a compliment…

The redhead considered his stressed out companion, emerald eyes gazing curiously up at those chocolate-brown ones. "Mad at me?" he wondered aloud, but Hiten shook his head. "Hardly."

"Do you love your phone, Hiten?"

He shrugged. "It's pretty cool, I guess. Blackberries aren't cheap either."

"What if I broke it?" Suzaku ventured, "would you be mad then?"

"No, I'd just get Tekkei to program a new one."

"Who's Tekkei?" Jakotsu interrupted, "That's a girl's name?"

"My Secretary."

"Do you love your Tekkei?" Suzaku automatically questioned, and Hiten turned to give him a sarcastic reply. "Absolutely. You know how I adore obnoxious, nosy women."

Suzaku gave his companion an affectionate smile for the first time that morning. The two of them fell silent then, and Jakotsu got the feeling he was missing something. It was as if they'd just had some kind of deep, thought-provoking conversation. Both seemed relieved for some reason.  
Hiten rested his chin on Suzaku's shoulder, seeming content with just being able to hold him.  
Time seemed to slow then, just like it had the very first time he'd seen them together. This world belonged solely to the two of them. Hiten ran his fingers through Suzaku's hair, humming a pleasant little tune that Jakotsu almost felt he knew… There was something in that moment.  
Something beautiful.

Suzaku leaned back, listening intently until his song was over. He toyed absently with his fork, pretending to be interested in the cake as he whispered to the man behind him. "Wish I had some milk to go with this…"

Hiten stood immediately and went to fetch him a glass of milk. He paused, slapping himself on the forehead as the refrigerator swung open. "I should have guessed."  
Soon Hiten returned to the table, handing Suzaku his milk before tucking his cellphone safely into his briefcase. He then sat right down and flipped open the NewYork Times.

"You guys are so weird…" Jakotsu mumbled, but neither of the other men said anything. Suzaku merely enjoyed his strawberry cake and Hiten poured over the most recent business related articles. The cross dresser had always thought it strange that the two of them never behaved like a couple, but now he was beginning to understand the way they operated…

It seemed they understood each other, to some strange degree, and appreciated one another in similarly odd ways. How sweet that Hiten would hold Suzaku so affectionately when he knew his stubborn companion had hidden his cellphone. Not only that, but he'd hummed him a song as well. That tune was gentle and tender; the very opposite of what he'd expect from Hiten. 'Sounded almost like…'

Jakotsu bolted upright, accidentally knocking his plate off the table. It landed with a clatter and the other two men startled out of their comfortable silence, giving him similar looks of confusion.

"Hiten…" The cross dresser was almost speechless with shock. "How come- I mean… Where did you learn that song?"

"Umm…" Hiten seemed to be at a genuine loss for the answer. He absently set his newspaper down as he tried to recall. "I don't really remember. It's been years…"

"It's Tsuki No Tragedy," Jakotsu explained. "Bankotsu used to sing it to help me sleep."

"Well isn't that nice." Hiten muttered, ripping out the article he wanted. For some reason he seemed much more angry now than when he'd been searching for his cellphone…

'Oh I see. It's a love song' Suzaku finally caught on as he observed the tense exchange between Hiten and Jakotsu. 'Something like love, ne?' How ironic. Jakotsu's bright onyx eyes were fixed on Hiten's face, not even recognizing the tattoo that symbolized his own lover.  
'Your lover wasn't always yours. Don't you know that, Ja-Chan?'

Obviously not, and Hiten definitely didn't seem up to sharing that little tidbit. Maybe the knowledge would seriously hurt Jakotsu… Suzaku gazed over at his stunned best friend, feeling sorry for him. 'If you knew, would you hurt just like I do? Just looking at that tattoo…'

Hiten raised an eyebrow at his suddenly depressed-looking companions. Suzaku had only just been smiling, but now those green eyes had grown dark, like he wanted to cry.  
"What's wrong, my Su-Chan?" he wondered, but Suzaku's reply made him regret asking that.

"I was thinking about your tattoo…"

Immediately Hiten reached up to smooth his bangs, hiding his tattoo from view. "Well don't."  
"Why not?" Suzaku challenged, and unfortunately queen Jakotsu piped up as well.  
"It's pretty, why should you hide it?"

"Oh Hiten, Ja-Chan thinks your tattoo is pretty. What a coincidence…" Those sweet pink lips had curved into a very unpleasant smile and Hiten glowered across the table. "Suzaku do not start with me…"

"Start what?" The redhead began to twirl a strand of his long, shining hair around one of those elegant fingers, glancing off at nothing. It was infuriating how cute he could act even while stirring up trouble. Jakotsu was leaning closer now, trying to catch another glance at Hiten's forehead. "I almost forgot you had that tattoo!" the queen mused, cocking his head. "Why put a tattoo on your face if you don't want to show it off?"

"The location was not my idea," Hiten automatically scooted a little farther from Jakotsu as he said this and Suzaku piped up once again. "Hey Hiten…"

"What pet?"

"Do you love your tattoo?"

This question really got a rise out of Hiten. It wasn't often that he paused like this, obviously torn between telling the truth and saying what Suzaku wanted to hear. "It means a lot to me…"

"Well I hate your tattoo." That confession had come out before he could bite his lip and Suzaku turned away from his justly affronted boyfriend. 'I shouldn't have said that but…'  
_'I belong to you too.'_  
'Why do I bother? Getting my hopes up for nothing…' Again that familiar sadness began to tear at his heart. He had hoped that Hiten was finally beginning to forget about Bankotsu, but apparently not. 'Why'd he say he belongs to me when he's got someone else's name already written all over him?'

Hiten stood then, leaning close to his troubled-looking companion under the guise of cleaning the plates off the table. "Mad at me?"  
Suzaku dodged, annoyed at the way his own words were used against him. "Leave me alone."

Jakotsu gaped at them; completely lost. Just a moment ago they had been in such a good mood, and now Suzaku was telling Hiten to back off? 'What the hell?' Hiten didn't say anything more, but walked right off and busied himself on the other side of the kitchen, washing the dishes.

"Su-Chan!" Jakotsu hissed, trying to get those sad green eyes to snap out of it, "Hey, Su-Chan!" The redhead turned his way, seeming suddenly frustrated. It was like Suzaku didn't know whether he wanted to cry or scream. "What?"

"Don't what me," his best friend snapped, "what's all this about? Did I miss something?"  
"Yeah," Suzaku grumbled, finishing off his milk. "Lucky you…"

"You can tell me, Su-Chan.," the queen moved his chair closer so he could nuzzle his precious friend. "What's wrong? Hiten did something mean to you?"

"No…"

"Promise?"

"Yes."

"Hey…" Jakotsu held up his new cellphone, showing Suzaku the contacts list. "Remember Sean? All he ever talks about is you…"

"I don't care"

"Seriously Su-Chan, think about it." Jakotsu held that beautiful face in his hands, unable to keep the annoyance from his voice. "If you're not happy why won't you just leave Hiten? You're so pretty! Any man with eyes would want you for a boyfriend."

"I already have a boyfriend," Suzaku sighed, but this only served to rile Jakotsu up even more.  
"Oh yeah? Let's see about that!" the cross dresser sneered, turning to glare at Hiten. "Don't-" Suzaku began, but Jakotsu cut him off, raising his voice so that Hiten would hear him over the running water. "Hey, Hiten!"

The younger man turned, abandoning his task to raise an eyebrow at the grinning cross dresser. "What?"

"Do you think Su-Chan is your boyfriend?" The room fell silent, except for the gasp that had escaped Suzaku. "Are you guys going to pick on me all day?" Hiten turned away, obviously embarrassed, but Jakotsu wasn't about to let him dodge the question. "I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that," He lied, waving that off, "I was just wondering… I mean you and Su-Chan do seem close… But Su-Chan said you never asked him out or anything official like that. So I figured, maybe you're dating someone else and Su-Chan is just more of a side item."

At this Hiten wheeled back around, apparently shocked. "No, no! It's not like that!"

"Then what's it like?" The queen insisted, trying not to laugh at the way the other man squirmed under the pressure. "Friends with benefits?"

"Benefits…" Hiten echoed, looking like he might drop dead due to humiliation.

"Well yeah," Jakotsu replied, ruthless "that's what they call it when you sleep with someone you don't really care about."

"No, no! Um… It's not like that either…" Hiten was suddenly mumbling, as if he were talking to himself. "Lessee… Well I…" He trailed off, his brown eyes seemed to search the ceiling for answers. 'He must never have even thought about it!' The queen glowered, but his anger was immediately sated by Hiten's next words. "Of course I care about Su-Chan..."

Jakotsu smiled, relieved. "So then," he prodded, "Su-Chan is your boyfriend?"

"Boyfriend is such a lame word…" Hiten complained.  
"Well what about 'Lover' then?" Jakotsu suggested, grinning wickedly as Hiten's embarrassment doubled. "No, no! That's even more embarrassing!" He sighed, trying to cut his losses. "Boyfriend is fine," He finally conceded, regaining his seat at the table as he tried to wave off the tense air. "Yeah fine, boyfriend. I can live with that."

Jakotsu smiled over at his best friend, but Suzaku showed no signs of having heard this announcement. He still looked like he wanted to cry. What was going on? 'Shouldn't Su-Chan be happy?' There was not even one tiny hint of joy in those lowered emerald eyes…

"I have to go to work, okay?" Hiten reclaimed his briefcase, trying to coax those sad eyes to meet his. "We can talk when I get home if you want."

"There's nothing to talk about." Suzaku swatted his hands away before Hiten could touch him.  
"Suzaku," Hiten sighed, "don't be a bitch."

"Fuck you."

Hiten paused for a very long moment, but then he leaned closer to his apparently pissed companion. "Suzaku, when you say things like that…" He teased his tongue along his pet's neck, resisting the powerful urge to bite down. "It just makes me hard."

Suzaku turned and caught those cocky, grinning lips with his own. He would never have said it so bluntly, but he felt the exact same way. How was it that Hiten always managed to make him feel so conflicted? He wanted to be pissed off and shove Hiten away so he didn't have to be touched by those hands that had held Bankotsu instead, kissed by those lips that would so willingly shower real love onto someone else…

Their kiss was so sweet, but short, just like every precious moment of Hiten's affection.  
Hiten pulled away, again nuzzling up against that smooth red hair. "You're too pretty to worry so damn much," he insisted, for what must have been the thousandth time, "get out and have some fun or something." He stood then and gave Jakotsu a polite bow as he made to leave.  
"Ja ne!"

The cross dresser watched him go, but immediately turned to Suzaku once the door closed.  
"You guys are so weird!"  
The redhead shook his head, grinning guiltily, "Sorry, we probably don't make much sense."

"None at all!" Jakotsu agreed, "I can't tell if you're mad at him or what!"

'Passive aggressive,' was the first thought that came to mind, but Suzaku shook it off like an irksome fly. "Not really," he assured, "it's kind of like a game. Hiten likes to fight."  
"Like I said," the queen repeated, "you guys are weird... But hey! At least now we know he's your official boyfriend!"

Suzaku nodded, wondering over his new title. Was it better than 'Pet?' Hiten didn't seem to think so… 'Boyfriend ne?' Perhaps boyfriends have more say… "Hey Ja-Chan, is Bankotsu your boyfriend?"  
"Sure is," Jakotsu bragged.  
"Hmm…" Suzaku put a thoughtful finger to his own, plain forehead. "Well what if you told him to get his tattoo removed? Think you could make him do that?"

"Why would I?" the clueless queen wondered, "tattoos are totally hot!"

"Ja-Chan…" Suzaku turned away from him, trying to hide the melancholy tones from his voice. "I wish I could be like you. You don't worry about anything…"

"I've got you fooled good," Jakotsu giggled, wandering over to put his arms around his best friend. "Tell me what's bothering you Su-Chan. Something about Hiten's tattoo?"

"Yeah…" It was barely more than a whisper, and Suzaku bit his lip the moment it'd escaped.  
He didn't want to talk. He never wanted to talk. He feared his own thoughts so terribly that he just could not speak them. 'It's not just a tattoo…' It was a fragment from the past; the only remaining trace of evidence that Hiten had ever been in love. Sometimes it was hard to believe, but that tattoo was living, undeniable proof that Hiten could feel love; wanted it, believed in it. Surely he must have, or else he would never have gotten it inked onto his face… Yet that tattoo meant he loved Bankotsu, not Suzaku. It was made in honor of his 'best friend', not for his 'boyfriend.'

"Tell me Su-Chan," Jakotsu persisted. His arms were so warm. How many times had Suzaku's own best friend held him like this? A hundred or a thousand? The redhead had lost count.  
The Jakotsu he'd known for so long was also a memory; a part of his past that he wouldn't trade for anything in the world. 'I love him.' Friends or not, this cross dresser still made Suzaku's heart flutter. Years could do nothing to lessen this emotion. They could call it 'friendship', but would always feel it as love, just like how Hiten felt for Bankotsu. For every memory Suzaku had of Jakotsu's gentle embrace and tender kiss, Hiten could have just as many for Bankotsu. Love was not something that could simply be erased. Changing its name could never change such a powerful emotion. Calling your lover a friend changed nothing. In that same way, Hiten's calling Suzaku 'boyfriend' could do nothing to change the fact that his redheaded pet would more appropriately fit the title of 'possession.'

Vaguely Suzaku wondered what title would most appropriately fit Hiten's Bankotsu.

'Best friend? Yeah right.' Suzaku leaned back, reveling in the warmth of his precious Jakotsu. Vaguely he wondered if this kind of comfortable affection settled into Hiten's heart when he touched Bankotsu. "Ne, Ja-Chan… did Bankotsu never even talk to you about Hiten?"

"No…" Jakotsu leaned forward, hands on his friend's shoulders, "Should he?"

"Well they were best friends," Suzaku toyed with his hair, trying not to look as nervous as he felt. 'Just friends…' It sounded like that entailed something, and yet it did not. Being 'just friends' certainly hadn't stopped Jakotsu and Suzaku from having sex with each other…  
"They were really close. Just as close as you and me..."

"Hmm, I didn't notice that." Jakotsu nibbled on one of those shining fingernails as he spoke.  
"I barely knew Hiten back in high school. He didn't like me, so I stayed away from him…  
And even if they were best friends, Bankotsu never talked about Hiten. I wonder why?"

At this Suzaku scoffed, glaring darkly. "Maybe he had something to hide…"  
God he hated that name; Bankotsu. It made him think of that awful scar on Hiten's arm….

"What do you mean?" His majesty asked, completely lost and Suzaku was taken aback, not knowing how to answer such a question. Was Jakotsu really that dense?  
"Never mind," Suzaku muttered.

"Mou! Tell me, Su-Chan!" Jakotsu insisted, finally catching on. "What are you saying? That they were like dating or something?" 'But that's impossible' the cross dresser thought, immediately. Bankotsu had been with Jakotsu himself all through high school and years before that! 'Impossible. That would be cheating. Aisuru would never cheat on me…'

Jakotsu looked like he'd just been slapped in the face. 'Wow…' Suzaku was used to people calling him naïve, so he was taken by surprise. 'Ja-Chan really didn't have a clue?'  
"Well think about it," He offered his obviously confused best friend, "They were best friends. It can't be coincidence that they both got tattoos on their foreheads. And didn't Hiten say the location was not his idea."

"What?!" Jakotsu's eyes grew huge as he questioned further, "So you mean he got a permanent tattoo, on his face, just for Bankotsu?"

"Apparently..."

"Oh my gosh!" Jakotsu clapped a hand to his mouth, suddenly remembering, "So that's why he got all pissed when you started talking about it?" Suzaku turned away from him, nervously fidgeting with his hair. "I guess…"  
"I get it now. And that's why you said you hated his tattoo…"  
"Kind of," Suzaku sighed, suddenly sounding dejected. "Nevermind. I'm worrying too much…"

Jakotsu couldn't have agreed less. "I think you have a good point…" he mumbled.  
"But Bankotsu and… Hiten?" The cross dresser shook his head, refusing to believe it. Surely he would have noticed if Bankotsu had become interested in another man! Bankotsu was always honest with him, right? 'But then again, they were together a lot without me…' Looking back, he could hardly remember a time when he saw Bankotsu without his quarterback comrade in tow. Jakotsu and Bankotsu had always carefully avoided each other in public, lest someone discover their true relationship. But Hiten and Bankotsu had no such worries because everyone assumed they were just football buddies. They were together always, smiling and laughing…

'So, they got those tattoos for each other…'

"Mou…" Jakotsu brought his hands back to himself, suddenly worried about the pretty purple star his lover proudly donned on his forehead. What had it meant to him? What had he thought as he went under the needle at Hiten's request? "Bankotsu never said anything about his tattoo or Hiten…" Could there truly have been room in his Aisuru's heart for another man?  
His chest hurt just thinking about it…

"Oh, I'm so stupid," Jakotsu sighed. He looked so sad. "I should have figured it out. Since Hiten knows my song," those pretty red lips confessed this, recalling the lyrics to the song he had once thought was something special: something just between himself and Bankotsu…

"If you're too lonely at night, we'll sleep together, and close our eyes so we can't see the deep darkness…"

Suzaku lie his head down on the table, listening to those beautiful words. How cruel that Bankotsu would share feelings like that with two people at once and then keep it a secret. Even the usually secretive Hiten had been respectful enough to tell Suzaku about his past lovelife before they'd started a relationship... Hiten had willingly showed off those scars on his arm._ 'Something like love.'_ that's what he called it. Of course Hiten wouldn't have said 'true love' or anything 'lame' like that. But Suzaku knew him well enough to realize that it must have been. After all, the breakup had been enough to warrant that bloody, and now permanently scarred cut on Hiten's arm…

There was no doubt; his Hiten had loved Jakotsu's lover.

But did he still? Suzaku had often wondered about the extent of their relationship.  
Maybe it had been mere infatuation or simple teenaged lust. Maybe they had dated briefly, maybe they had even slept together. But none of that mattered to Suzaku. Whatever it was that Hiten had once had, he was determined to destroy it… There must be some way to make Hiten desire him so much that Bankotsu would completely disappear from his heart.

'At least you're cute.'

'I can look prettier. At least that's a start…'

"Let's go out, Ja-Chan."  
Jakotsu cocked his head, nodding at this sudden request. He looked to be on the verge of tears, so now was probably a very good time to try to distract him. "Come, Ja-Chan,"  
Suzaku fisted his long red bangs, thinking fast. "A trip to the beauty parlor should cheer us up!"

---------

* * *

"Mou! You are prettier than me now!" Jakotsu couldn't help but whine as his best friend sat across from him at the table. Suzaku placed his large strawberry milkshake down and his newly manicured nails seemed to glimmer even brighter. "Yeah right, your majesty!"

'Liar,' Jakotsu immediately thought as he looked over his gorgeous companion. Suzaku's new haircut was exquisite. The thick bangs just barely reached his cheeks, caressing his pale skin in half a dozen streaks of flawless red velvet and the longer hair in the back had been tied up in a tightly wound braid. It stretched all the way down his back, lightly bouncing along with each move he made. 'Looks just like Bankotsu's hair…'

Absently Jakotsu took the redhead's strawberry milkshake. The queen fidgeted endlessly as he watched his best friend. 'What's wrong with me? My heart is beating so fast...' He sipped at the strawberry treat, trying to calm his nerves by distracting himself.

Suzaku reached right out and ran his fingers through Jakotsu's newly curled hair. "Ooh, I love yours even better than mine," he whispered, obviously not shy about flirting with him in public.  
"I've always thought you were prettier…"

"What?!"

"Yeah," Suzaku giggled, leaning forward to catch one of Jakotsu's hands in his own and the surprised cross dresser felt his face heat up as those sweet pink lips dipped down and carefully kissed each of his fingers, one by one. "I bet you only think mine's prettier cuz it looks like your Ban-Chan…"

"Maybe," Jakotsu admitted, having tried to dodge that little fact. "So I guess my opinion shouldn't really count…" Suzaku pouted, "Mou, does that mean he's hotter than me?"

"No, no!" Jakotsu laughed, waving him off. "You both make me equally hard." The redhead blushed furiously, giggling, but his best friend was suddenly struck with a new idea.  
"Wait a minute, Su-Chan… Are you trying to seduce me?" In response, Suzaku playfully bragged as he tossed back his beautiful hair. "Yeah right. I wouldn't have to go through this much trouble to seduce you."

'Then that means…' Jakotsu set aside the milkshake, absently staring down at their still-joined hands. For some reason he wanted to hold Su-Chan just a little bit tighter. 'He got it done for Hiten?'  
"Why the sad face?" The redhead wondered, taking note of the way his queen squeezed his hand. "Ja-Chan?"  
Those onyx eyes avoided his, but Suzaku insisted, "What's wrong?"

"I've been thinking…" Jakotsu whispered, biting his painted red lips, "about that song…"  
"You shouldn-"

"You don't understand, Su-Chan." He squeezed that soft, pale hand, entwining their fingers, "Tsuki no Tragedy… That song is all about being lonely at night. Since no one knew about us, Bankotsu and I were barely ever together, especially not at night. So on those few special nights when we could sleep in the same place, he always made sure to sing me to sleep. I always thought Bankotsu sang that song because he missed me, because he wanted me…"

"Oh…"

"I can't believe he'd sing to someone else like that."  
Jakotsu sighed, trying not to think of those warm blue eyes or those powerful, comforting arms.  
'He loved someone else. Slept with someone else…' It was still so hard to believe, but even Jakotsu wasn't too stupid to surmise the obvious. That morning, Hiten had suddenly gotten so pissed off when his queen mentioned the name of that song. Had they both realized the exact same betrayal?

_'I hate your tattoo.'_

Even Suzaku had realized it, possibly years ago. Why was Jakotsu the only one left out?  
'That's so unfair…' They were each bothered by the secrets and the lies, but in the end Jakotsu was the only real loser. At least Hiten and Suzaku had each other…

_'Mad at me?'_  
_'Leave me alone.'_  
_'We can talk when I get home…'_

"I cant believe this shit." Jakotsu scoffed, "He could have said something! At least I was honest enough to let him know when I fucked around on him."

"Don't say things like that!" Suzaku insisted, "Maybe he's just not ready to talk about it yet…"

"That's so unfair." He lie his head down on the table, seeming torn between tears and anger.  
"Aisuru even made me talk about everything I did with you. I even showed him what I did to you! Had him lay down and-"

"Stop, shut up!" Suddenly it was Suzaku who was riled up. He looked around quickly, as if he were afraid someone was listening in on their conversation. "Don't ever mention that again," the secretive redhead whispered, "If Hiten ever found out…"  
"Relax," the queen sighed, "even I'm not dumb enough to tell someone like him. I still remember how pissed he got at Sean the other day, just for touching your hair! I don't even want to know what kind of horrible things he'd do if he knew all of the ways I've touched you…"

"Shush!"  
Jakotsu raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow at Suzaku, who seemed to have frozen.  
"What's with you?" he wondered, prodding his statue-like friend. "You scared?" He said it with an air of humor, but Suzaku was definitely not amused.

'I hadn't thought of that!'  
The redhead's mind raced as he considered what the queen had said. What if Hiten did figure it out? Things could get violent… He still remembered that threatening whisper,

_'If I find out that you let anyone else fuck this flawless, ethereal body of yours, I swear to God I will-'_

'Will what?!' Half of him was dying to know, but the other half had been too terrified to ask.  
But he'd already gotten a taste of Hiten's fury; last week pinned up against the wall in that restroom. Even now Suzaku was wearing bracelets to hide those bruises. Jakotsu had no idea of what had gone on between them. It was probably the only secret he'd ever kept from his best friend, but it couldn't be helped. 'Ja-Chan would freak if he knew.' It was better no one else found out just how dreadfully powerful Hiten really was. If he'd wanted to, he could have seriously hurt Suzaku in that bathroom…

_'Suzaku, if you play with fire…_'  
That's what Hiten had said just the other night… 'He would seriously hurt me?'

"Su-Chan, I feel really shitty…"  
Suzaku startled out of his thoughts. Jakotsu was tugging at his green-tinted hair, ruining his curls. He seemed to be shivering, though it was perfectly warm out. "Like I'm scared or something…"  
"What do you mean?" Suzaku wondered. This was so unlike him. Usually Jakotsu just wandered through life, completely ignorant and just as equally joyful.

"My heart is beating so fast…" Jakotsu looked away as he said this, and Suzaku noticed that some of his usually perfectly manicured nails had been chewed off. 'When did that happen?'  
"I can't calm down." the queen explained "I feel like something bad is going to happen…"

"Oh," Suzaku finally caught on, "I remember now. Must be your anxiety disorder, right?"  
Jakotsu nodded, relieved that his best friend understood. "I guess all this Bankotsu and Hiten stuff really got to me…"

"I'm sorry Ja-Chan. I shouldn't have said anyt-"  
"No, no it's better to know. Better than being stupid like I usually am." But even as Jakotsu said this his hands seemed to shake more. "I left my pills in your room…"

"That's okay, " Suzaku stood, knowing just how to cheer his best friend up. "Let's get you a drink. That'll make it better!"

"Alcohol?" Jakotsu marveled, following his best friend out of the coffee shop. "Yeah, trust me, it works! Kind of like how when you're nervous before sex you can just have a few drinks to loosen up."

"I've done that a few times before…" the mischievous queen admitted.

"Me too," Suzaku snickered, leading his cross-dressing companion down the strip of various stores and eateries, "I just love how cute Hiten gets when he's drunk! He's all touchy-feely…"

"Oh my god, really?!" Jakotsu laughed, already starting to feel better. Suzaku always had been good at cheering him up. "You're such a whore."

"No, I just know how to get what I want." Suzaku winked, ushering his best friend as they pushed past the many other bustling shoppers. The sun was already setting. Friday night would set the perfect tone for entertaining someone like Jakotsu. "Bet you can't hold your booze like Hiten can…" the redhead tittered, laughing as the queen immediately accepted his challenge.

"You're on!" the excited cross dresser looked so much more confident now, but he still blushed when Suzaku followed up with "You're so fun. I love you, Ja-Chan!"  
"Well I love you too," He immediately replied, speeding up so they could walk together, hand in hand. "Let's get some shoes." Jakotsu suggested, and Suzaku laughed, swinging their arms together. He seemed to be having fun with this. Vaguely Jakotsu wondered if the strangers they passed would think they were a gay couple, and the thought of that made his heart do an embarrassed little jig. The formerly miserable cross dresser felt much more cheerful when he was so close to this redhead he loved. They probably would have made an amazing couple. Suzaku was so sexy with his new hairstyle and those tight black pants. Not only his body, but his personality itself was so adorable! The redhead began to chatter on about nothing, so Jakotsu just let that soothing voice wash over his ears. At random intervals he picked up the words "I love you,' and his heart would do another little skip. Somehow Suzaku's smile made everything okay again. Soon his worries of Bankotsu would be drowned out by that sweet voice and even sweeter alcoholic bliss…

"I'm gonna spoil you today," Suzaku giggled, yanking his queen into a liquor store to start the fun. The two best friends played all night, painting the town red; reminiscing, splurging and joking as if they were right back in grade school where they had first met. Jakotsu noticed the sun setting, bathing the sky with the blood red sheen of Suzaku's gorgeous hair, but before he knew it night had fallen; pitch black and exhilarating. The night crowd wandered out to party with them. Hours flew like seconds, and all the while Suzaku clung to his best friend, many times repeating the same three words Bankotsu had never dared utter in public.

"Ja-Chan," those delectable lips whispered, "I love you."

Those thick red bangs seemed to boast the blank porcelain of his flawless face.  
Suzaku didn't have any tattoos or even scars. His past lovers and present desires were only for him to know… If only he knew how precious he really was, he'd never settle for Hiten's brusque embrace. With their hands clasped tightly and fingers entwined, Jakotsu followed after; blindly, reverently, wishing that some special night he could remind that gorgeous body of just how much it deserved to be cherished.

"I love you so much, Su-Chan. You have no idea…"  
Those gentle hands squeezed his, just a bit harder and Jakotsu drew even closer to him, wishing suddenly that he had a tattoo for his own best friend. No, the title didn't mean anything. He knew that now, more than ever, yet regretted the restrictions that same title enforced. 'Just friends…' What a waste. 'We could be so much more.'

* * *

Best friends and lovers

Passionate

Blood red or even wine

Can one be both?

Or both be one?

Where to draw the line?


	19. Suzaku

disclaimer

I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, Suzaku, Hiten or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.

I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.

I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.

- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

* * *

(AN. Have you ever seen a train wreck? Well you're about to. Suffice it to say that this chapter is not for the faint of heart.)

**Not For All the World  
**

**Chapter Nineteen: ****The Treacherous, Ethereal Phoenix: Suzaku **

**

* * *

  
**

"Su-chan, I'm back!"

Hiten stumbled into the house, nearly dropping the many files he had stuffed into his suitcase, which was almost full to bursting. It was ridiculous how much preparation was needed for his upcoming business trip. He had left work early because it was just too crowded and noisy at the office. He figured he'd just switch off his blackberry, change clothes and then hit the gym. Bench-pressing a couple hundred pounds would probably be a much better investment of his time than rushing about the office, wishing he could strangle his incompetent subordinates…

'Oh, or I could just use my Suzaku…'  
He contemplated this as he dropped his suitcase onto the living room couch. How much did Suzaku weigh? If Hiten could lift his redheaded companion, hold him up long enough and fuck him against the wall, that would be a much more enjoyable way to exercise…  
'He's so useful…'

"Hope he's not sleeping," Hiten mumbled, wandering to the back of the house.  
"Hey, Su-chan?" He whispered, pulling the door to the master bedroom open. But the room was empty. The bed was made, just as he had left it that morning. He double-checked his wristwatch before wandering further down the hallway. "9:30"

He knocked on the guest bedroom door and again after receiving no reply, pushed it open.  
"Your Majesty?" He flipped on the light, surveying this empty room as well. No one was home, but he couldn't help but stay and take in this scene. The usually empty, perfectly clean room that used to belong to Suzaku now looked so messy and alive. Jakotsu had decorated it with posters of Japanese pop stars, hung up some pink curtains and draped a rainbow-colored throw over the bed. An alarm clock ticked quietly on the bed stand and clothes, paintings, drawings and photo albums lie scattered all around on the floor. "What a mess," he mused, "perfect for that sloppy queen." Hiten made to leave, but one of the albums caught his eye.

'Bankotsu.' The front of it read, and his curiosity was instantly piqued. But when he lifted it to get a closer look, he noticed the little lock on the side of it. It was nothing heavy duty, just a simple lock that could have been opened with any sharp object. He turned the book over in his hands, regretting the fact that he never kept anything sharp around the house. It was what Suzaku's doctor had ordered, but it was very inconvenient…  
"Bankotsu…" He couldn't help but whisper, tracing the large, curvy font. This album was old, though obviously well cared for. "A secret album made for your secret lover? How nostalgic." He felt a little tinge of annoyance, even though the words had come from his own mouth. He could have been totally wrong about the album, but that didn't mitigate the nagging curiosity he had felt the moment the name registered in his mind. He reread that name, absently tracing a finger over the matching kanji on his arm. 'Bankotsu… the one I loved enough to do this…'

And not for nothing had he begun to love Bankotsu. After all, that man was undoubtedly the most breathtaking person he had ever had the pleasure of meeting; the honor of loving.  
He still remembered the sound of those lips whispering in his ears and the feel of those powerful arms pulling him close. The way those silky bluish bangs tickled his nose whenever they were finally away from the prying eyes of others…

He lifted the little black book up to his heart. It pressed uncomfortably against the golden locket that hung from his neck. Yet Hiten hardly noticed…

His old best friend and most fervent desire, wrapped into one, had been captured and immortalized in this very book. "I'm sorry Bankotsu," He felt a little bit silly, holding and whispering to a lifeless photo album, but then again he always had acted like an idiot when it came to Bankotsu... "I was stupid back then." For years he had been so close to the real Bankotsu, but had never had the guts to admit what he felt for him. And still those feelings remained, glaring just like the dark purple jewels in the middle of his forehead.  
Absently Hiten began to recall Bankotsu's song. He remembered it like it was yesterday, singing those watery blue eyes to sleep…

'If you're too lonely at night, we'll sleep together, and close our eyes so we can't see the deep darkness. Let's continue our silent dance. You can just forget that morning will come. It's unimportant.'

_'It's Tsuki No Tragedy. Bankotsu used to sing it to help me sleep.'_

'Silly Jakotsu. Of course I know every word. It was I who taught Bankotsu this song.'  
"Tsuki no tragedy. In English, The Tragedy of the Moon." Just like the story they'd learned in class. Each of them lived separated; like wolves, singing to the moon they loved but could not be with. So of course this song reminded him of Bankotsu.

Bankotsu who lied, canceling their dates and dodging his questions. Bankotsu who was always frustrated; tackling his enemies on the football field and butting heads just as fiercely with his best friend. Yet when they were alone together, Bankotsu was not always like that. Sometimes he gazed up at the sky, looking like his heart would break. How many times had Hiten caught him looking like that and kissed those tears away? How many nights had Bankotsu let himself be held by Hiten instead? They were always together, loyal and loving, but at the same time separated. They had everything in common, especially the loneliness in both of their hearts…

And now they lived even further apart; in two different countries. 'But it's better this way.'  
Hiten's presence could no longer comfort his best friend's lonely heart. The moment he learned that Bankotsu loved Jakotsu, he knew he could never bring himself to touch him again. The distance was not a problem. In fact, it was a blessing. If he were closer, he'd only want to see those blue eyes smile again…

"I am always brimming with dazzling love for you… But brightening just a bit of your night, to make you smile, is enough."

'Enough…' Could there truly be such a thing as 'enough' when you truly loved someone? Or was that just a lie to lessen the pain of longing? After all, he could sing any song he wanted and let his heart yearn for years on end, but Bankotsu could never, ever be his.

Suzaku had been the only one with the guts to say what each of them felt.

_'This story is more of a tragedy because the two lovers are alive but separated. Hence; he can see, but not touch the one he loves.'_

That was probably the first and only time Hiten had ever felt his heart understood that strange redhead. _'I've always been in love with you…'_

That golden heart bit painfully into his chest, bringing him back to reality. And without thinking, Hiten dropped the little black book, absently watching it slide on the floor. 'Why am I suddenly thinking of Suzaku?' Because he understood? Because they felt that same terrible longing?

_'Well I hate your tattoo…'_

'Just like I hate that black book, because it means he loved someone else.'  
Well that was pointless. Hate and jealousy wouldn't change anything. The love would persevere, just as permanently branded on his heart as the tattoo etched into his forehead. It would be there forever.

'But… Forever's just a word.' Isn't that what Suzaku had said?  
Did Suzaku truly believe such nonsense?

Hiten flipped the light off as he left the room, padding silently down the hallway. He sat on the living room sofa with his feet propped up on the glass coffee table, contemplating. "Forever…" He pressed a finger to the jewels on his forehead and wondered if Bankotsu ever did this same thing. Words had never been enough for either of them. That's why they'd gotten the tattoos to begin with. Hiten remembered it like it was yesterday… Standing in that little tattoo parlor, mimicking that affectionate smile and holding those hands clasped together with his; fingers entwined, hearts beating as one. "Forever", that's what they had wanted, the promise they'd made permanent across their foreheads. 'Forever. What a stupid, unrealistic notion…'

And yet Hiten still loved his tattoo, just as he loved the man that had chosen it.

"Forever is just a word?"  
No, he didn't believe that at all. "Su-Chan, plenty of things last forever."  
The jewels on his forehead were proof enough. They would be there forever, just like human faith in the concept of eternity. Human hearts themselves were fickle and untrustworthy. People fell into and out of love all the time and so the shapes of their hearts changed constantly. But there was at least one way to immortalize those emotions. Painful and tedious, just like love itself; the process of tattooing. Surely that was the only way to drag such lofty notions back to earth and pin them there.

_'I was thinking about your tattoo…'_  
Suzaku had said that just this morning. He seemed unable to tear his eyes away from it.  
_'Do you love your tattoo?'_  
Obviously tattoos meant something to him, and to Hiten that was a very important discovery.  
'Su-Chan only gives a shit about three things: strawberries, me and now tattoos…'

"That's perfect." That girl; Megumi, and her beautiful wings flashed again through his mind. They were perfect. _'I'm named after a bird that lives forever.'_  
That's exactly what Hiten wanted; a way to immortalize that flawless, ethereal phoenix. The phoenix that belonged only to him. Suzaku was nothing like Bankotsu. His love was something new; invaluable. Those green eyes didn't gaze off anywhere else like Bankotsu's blue ones. This golden heart never wandered from around his neck… 'Mine.' Surely there was nothing so satisfying as being coveted; nothing so addictive as Suzaku's body as it starved for his and Suzaku's voice as it gasped his name.

'_Want me so badly you can't stand it.'_  
He was doing this on purpose. Suzaku was instigating the addiction and Hiten couldn't help but play the game. Yes, he wanted that mischievous redhead. He wouldn't stand for anyone else to even touch Suzaku. Last night, he'd tried to put these feelings into words.  
'I belong to you too.' just about summed it up, but it was not enough. Those green eyes still looked so sad. 'Words are not good enough.' Not even powerful words like 'love' and 'forever' could possibly be enough. Hiten put a finger to his forehead, unable to think of anything else. 'Forever... With Suzaku, instead?' Yes, that was definitely what he wanted. 'Forever is just a word. A lame, fanciful word.' But a tattoo... Now that was something special; the perfect tool to make such silly notions real.

_'I hate your tattoo.'_  
'Well then I'll get one he will love.'

He stood and put his shoes back on, snatching up his cellphone and scrolling down his contacts list. 'Metal eyebrows.' For a moment he considered calling this, the artist he'd met at the mall, but it was hardly necessary to waste the time. Tattoo parlors were always open late anyway.  
"Bet he could draw the perfect phoenix…"

There was only one way to find out.

* * *

"I am so horny!" Jakotsu cursed at the sky, clinging to his best friend's arm as he followed him to the apartment. "Mou, I wish you were the real Bankotsu so I could fuck you…"  
Suzaku laughed as he slid his key into the front door. "Be quiet now, my little lush.  
Hiten is probably sleeping."

He pushed the door open as quietly as he could, leading his staggering friend into the house, and put their bags onto the kitchen table. 'Strange. Hiten's not home yet…'  
"Shleep sounds like a good ideaaa" Jakotsu slurred playfully, dragging his beautiful best friend back to the guest bedroom. "Let's sleep together, Ban-chan."

"I am not your Ban-chan," Suzaku replied, but he made to join him anyway. He helped his Queen out of his shoes and jacket, then crawled up beside him on the bed. Jakotsu pulled off his shirt, carelessly tossing it onto the ground as the man beside him kicked off his shoes. Suzaku paused in the middle of unbuttoning his own shirt, his eyes glued to the other man's stomach. That perfect porcelain skin was ruined there and he had almost forgotten that. "Faggot." His fingers came up to meet the rough, dark scars of their own accord and suddenly Jakotsu was very still and silent. "You thought Hiten did this to you?" He whispered, tracing the large, deep letters. "My Hiten?"

"Maybe he did," The other replied, turning away. Jakotsu stretched himself out on the bed, lying with a pillow clamped tightly in his arms. "I don't even want remember…"

'Out of jealousy?'

Suzaku watched his friend snuggle into the blankets, his mind buzzing with thoughts. 'Well he is the jealous type…' he mused, finally dropping his shirt to the floor._ 'If you play with fire…'_

"I miss my Aisuru…" Jakotsu mumbled, distracting Suzaku from his thoughts.  
"Are you feeling better yet, Ja-Chan?" The redhead leaned on all fours, nuzzling his face into his best friend's hair. "No more anxiety?"

"Yeah, I guess," Jakotsu replied, "you were right about the alcohol. Makes me chill, but Zoloft is probably better..."

"How come?"

"Because it doesn't make me horny," the queen laughed, tossing aside the pillow so he could yank Suzaku onto the bed with him. "This is all your fault," he growled, kissing the now giggling redhead. "Sorry," Suzaku lied, sitting himself comfortably on his best friend's lap. It was nostalgic, the way Jakotsu showered him with those affectionate kisses and pulled him only closer as the secret desire flared up. Just like back in college… "I miss you," those red lips whispered against his neck, "why'd you have to move to stupid America?"

"Because…" Suzaku toyed with his long red braid, wondering if he should bother to answer. The way Jakotsu spoke made it painfully obvious that he'd already figured out the answer.  
"I wanted to keep Hiten away from Bankotsu."

"You knew all along and you never told me about them…"  
Suzaku sighed, leaning to whisper to him, "It's not my place." He put his hand to the other man's cheek, cupping his flawlessly beautiful face. "I didn't want to hurt you, Ja-Chan."

"Fuck my life," Jakotsu scoffed, shoving Suzaku away as he lie back down.  
"I can't believe he got a tattoo for Hiten on his fucking forehead…" The miffed cross dresser probably wanted to sound angry, but only the misery echoed in his words. "Stupid Hiten! I fucking hate him!" Suzaku lie beside him, nuzzling close to his suffering best friend. "Don't say that…" He whispered, meeting those half-lidded onyx eyes as Jakotsu turned to regard him. "Why shouldn't I?"

"It hurts my feelings…"

"Because you love Hiten more."

"No I don't…"  
"Prove it," Jakotsu challenged, pulling his best friend into a tight embrace. "Kiss me," he commanded, and Suzaku timidly obeyed. He was so sweet. Those soft pink lips met his own at least a dozen times, but the feather-light gestures suddenly made Jakotsu feel guilty. 'I should have drank more…' He moaned a little dizzily as he lie back, pulling Suzaku with him so his best friend now lay atop him. 'Wonder if this is how Bankotsu felt when he was with Hiten?'

Jakotsu's head swam as his beautiful companion moved against him, kissing him many more times. The heat of this smooth, deliberate movement made him positively dizzy with excitement. 'It's wrong but feels so right.' It felt so satisfying to hold this beautiful redhead, even though Jakotsu knew it shouldn't. He pressed several open-mouthed kisses onto Suzaku's neck, ignoring the little protesting noises his companion couldn't help but make. "Quit, you're leaving marks." he whispered, so Jakotsu released his neck and claimed his lips instead. Jakotsu's fingers entwined with the velvet braid of the companion who loved him so shamelessly but he still wished then, for the umpteenth time that Suzaku was not who he was. 'If only Su-Chan really was my Aisuru.' That long silken braid only teased…

How wonderful it would have been to spend this day with the real Bankotsu, laughing and joking at the mall. Flirting and kissing in public, joyful and proud to be together, and then coming home to make love on their bed… It was the picture of heaven.

'Would Su-Chan make love to me?'  
Jakotsu himself wanted it so badly, but hated himself so completely for feeling that way.  
Suzaku must have read his mind. "You can pretend I'm him," he whispered. "Just close your eyes…" Jakotsu obeyed, but as he did so, hot tears began to flow of their own accord.  
He felt Suzaku freeze against him, and then those comforting fingers caressed his face, wiping the wetness away. "Don't cry Ja-Chan." Jakotsu heard the request, but this time could not comply. Fresh tears trailed down still, even as his companion held him closer, whispering words of comfort.

"It'll be okay. Maybe he's just not ready to talk about it yet…"

But Jakotsu shook his head. "He tricked me," he whispered, yanking on the braid that he wished was Bankotsu's, "I thought I was the cheater…" His entire body burned with shame which only intensified with his best friend's passionate touch. "Mou, Su-chan…" He finally opened his eyes, meeting the concerned gaze of his quiet companion. "I felt guilty the whole time… Every time I was with someone else."

"What do you mean?" Suzaku wondered, arching his slender back. "I thought you liked to be able to sleep with anyone you want."

"But I only loved him," the other admitted, rolling so that Suzaku's delicious heat fell onto the bed instead. "Su-Chan, maybe I'm a sex addict or something…"

"So tell him that," Suzaku suggested, "at least then he'll know why you do what you do."

"But…" Jakotsu paused, surprised by that matter-of-fact reply. Being honest was so much easier said than done. How could he possibly admit that? Maybe it was just better to lie. Bankotsu was already ashamed of him. 'Never Again.' After that one accidental public display of affection, Bankotsu had made Jakotsu promise never to even mention their relationship to anyone else. He had some nerve making a promise like that after he'd already gotten a tattoo for another man! "Bet he's fucked with Hiten too…" The thought made Jakotsu sick.  
"I hope not," his naive redheaded companion whispered.

"Su-Chan, we're so stupid."  
"Why?"  
"We should have just fallen in love with each other."  
"I guess so."  
"I know so."  
He'd thought about that many times. Suzaku was so perfect. He understood Jakotsu's feelings because he felt the same way too. He worried over those tattoos and the past, and whether or not his boyfriend could ever truly love him. Laying here with Suzaku by his side, the strange cross dresser finally felt that someone understood him. Their hearts beat as one with the same troubles and the same lonesome, desperate emptiness…

"Su-Chan," those emerald eyes gazed affectionately into inky black. Suzaku already knew what he wanted to say. "I love you so much."

His best friend stroked him like a regal cat, pulling the tie out of his hair as he shamelessly admired the silky, green-tinted sheen. "I love you too, beautiful." he whispered, raking his newly manicured nails against the pale scalp beneath them.  
"Especially the way you taste."

"Perv."

Suzaku laughed, shrugging at this retort.  
"Hypocrite."

"God I miss you…"  
Jakotsu snuggled closer to his best friend, resting his head on the comfortable, cool pillows. He didn't want to think anymore. He was much too horny and exhausted, and the slight alcoholic haze had yet to clear from his mind. He felt a bit of happiness though, because he could be honest with Su-Chan at least. Jakotsu couldn't help but revel in how sweet it felt to know someone like this. Suzaku truly understood him. Suzaku truly loved him, without a doubt…

They lie face to face, silently reveling in warm, mutual understanding. A perfectly matching pair; each having fallen in love with a stubborn, selfish jock. Suzaku's lips eventually found their way to his neck and Jakotsu held him close in a sleepy stupor, losing count of the kisses.  
'The way I taste, ne? I hope Bankotsu would say the same…'  
He smiled a little sadly as he held his precious, candid companion, wishing those affectionate kisses were Bankotsu's. Already his body was responding to the heat of this touch, but his heart wished it would not. His fingers ran absently over that long red braid as he admitted this.

"I wish you were Ban-Chan." He felt Suzaku pause against his neck. "Yeah?" the redhead released him just long enough to respond. His voice echoed the ironic misery of Jakotsu's own heart. "Well I wish you were Hiten, so we're even."

"Don't stop though."

"Alright."  
It was selfish, Jakotsu knew, to request something like that, but Suzaku loved him too much to decline. With his eyes closed Jakotsu wrapped his arms around his best friend, pressing their heated bodies more fully together as he met those soft pink lips with his painted red ones. Suzaku timidly kissed him back. Hopefully he would never stop. Jakotsu wanted to cry for the pain in his chest. His heart throbbed each time he tasted his friend, instead of his lover, and vaguely he realized that Suzaku was already crying. That thin frame shook with sobs as Jakotsu held him. Each of them mourned for their own and each other's pain. The two best friends wished, silently and resolutely, to lie like this every night. It would be perfect, if only these were truly the arms of the men they loved rather than the cheap imitation it really was…

* * *

Hiten stumbled through the front door, cursing himself. The burning pain on his back was making him feel dizzy. "Baka, baka, baka!" He felt like such an idiot for succumbing to the urge to get this new tattoo. But it was just so beautiful and so perfect... He didn't even remember the name of the man who had drawn it. 'Wait why did I get this tattoo?' Why such a large picture inked onto his back? He couldn't remember. 'Maybe I'm high.'

Thinking back, he decided it kind of felt good lying there with all of those needles biting into him.  
"Yeah, I'm definitely high or something…" He mumbled, unsuccessfully trying to collect himself. Everything seemed surreal and intense. His heart was pumping lava; liquid, chemical ecstasy coursing through his body. 'What was that shit called again? Adrenaline?'

He laughed a little drunkenly, wondering where he'd heard that term before. Probably something that smartass Suzaku had told him…

Speaking of Suzaku…  
Hiten turned around, noticing the familiar set of keys hanging beside the door. Suzaku was definitely home. 'Yes, Suzaku…' that was why he was in so much pain right now. All for him, all for his stubborn, infuriating redheaded boyfriend. Suddenly Hiten felt that he wanted nothing better than to be inside of that boyfriend right here, right now.

Kicking his shoes off, he headed to the back of the house as the chemical energy continued to flow through him. Maybe he could make good use of this adrenaline. He could probably stay up all night drilling this pain into Suzaku. 'That would feel amazing.' Hopefully that delectable redhead would not mind being woken up, tied down and fucked…

Silently Hiten padded over to the master bedroom and slid the door open, peering around in the darkness. But unfortunately the bed was still empty. Su-Chan was not where he belonged.  
'That's weird…'  
"Su-Chan?" He called out, but no one replied. Checking his watch, he grimaced as he finally realized how late it was. 'He's gotta be asleep…'

"Fuck."  
Hiten set off to the back of the house, realizing that there was only one possible place his pain in the ass boyfriend could be. He passed the empty bathroom and stood before the closed door of their newly renamed 'guest bedroom.' Not only the queen, but_ his_ boyfriend must have been in there. Were they both asleep? Together?

Hiten flared up immediately, unable to stop the sudden rush of jealous fury that flooded behind his narrowed eyes. Hadn't he told Suzaku that he did not want him sleeping with Jakotsu anymore?! The pain burned on his back, adding fuel to the fire and he made to wrench the door open, but someone else beat him to the punch.

The door swung silently, revealing the very man he had been seeking.

"Suzaku…"

The redhead froze, looking just like a deer caught in headlights. They stood in complete silence as Hiten stared breathlessly, taking in his boyfriend's newly altered appearance. 'That hairstyle; Bankotsu's hairstyle. But why would-' Suddenly the anger flared up twice as intense. He leaned closer to examine the rest of the frozen redhead. His Su-Chan had numerous red marks on his neck; lipstick smudges, and the scent of Jakotsu's perfume still clung to that flushed pink skin. Obviously Suzaku had only just disentangled himself from the arms of that cross dressing queer!

Suzaku took a timid step back, but Hiten immediately reacted. He caught Suzaku by the throat, turned and shoved him up against the wall with only one hand. _'I'd kill you.'_

The redhead choked and struggled, but couldn't speak. Those beautiful green eyes begged, but Hiten didn't even notice. He carefully reached over and closed Jakotsu's bedroom door. The gentle 'click' of the lock was actually louder than the whimpers of the man caught in his controlling hold. "Shut up." The whimpers stopped immediately and Hiten turned to leave, yanking his submissive partner along. He didn't release Suzaku's neck until he'd forced the treacherous whore into their own bedroom, where he belonged.

Hiten locked the door behind himself before turning again to his captive boyfriend, who was coughing, trying to catch his breath. He caught hold of him again without even thinking and forcibly kissed him, yanking that braid so that Suzaku could not escape. The jealous rage was burning at full force, combined with the high from the pain on his back. Suzaku whimpered and recoiled, but Hiten held fast, tasting Jakotsu on the lips that were supposed to be strawberry. Suddenly he wanted to bite instead of kissing. That was the power this man held over him; this gorgeous creature who rendered him unable to restrain his ruthless, animalistic nature.  
He heard Suzaku's yelp as his teeth sank into that pale neck but refused to let up. The scent of honeysuckle just barely registered in his furious mind. Suzaku smelled and tasted just like Jakotsu! What the hell had he been doing in there with that other man?!

Soon that sweet skin began to taste metallic so Hiten released his boyfriend's abused and now bleeding neck, moving instead to force his prey onto the bed.

"Don't, don't," Suzaku whimpered as his love pinned him to that cold mattress and kissed him again, forcing him to taste his own blood. Hiten held his wrists above his head with one hand and quickly undressed himself with the other. He pressed countless feverish kisses to those scared pink lips, completely relentless. "You. Are. Mine!" He asserted, taking his place atop the other man.

"No, no…" Suzaku struggled as his companion made to work him out of his tight black pants. "Don't do this…" He tried to sit up but that powerful ram was more than willing to live up to its name. Bright lights sparked behind Suzaku's eyes as those horns slammed into his forehead.  
'Fuck. That. Hurt….' It took many moments for the dizzy phoenix to even be able to think again. Suddenly he found himself pinned beneath his captor; completely naked.

"Wait-" He whimpered, but Hiten easily forced his legs apart and moved to claim what was his. Reflexively Suzaku recoiled, crying out as his assailant tore into his body. The dry, unprepared entrance meant agony beyond imagination, but it didn't stop there. The next excruciating thrust wracked his already trembling body and the tears began to fall, thick and fast down Suzaku's cheeks. Struggling only made it worse. Suzaku's own strength was nothing compared to Hiten's. The pain was indescribable. It shot up his back, searing more intensely with each crash of his partner's powerful hips. "Hiten..." He couldn't stop the shuddering whimpers that escaped from the depths of his heart as his furious, lover continued to slam the punishment into him, again and again. "Stop-" Suzaku's head spun and his stomach twisted. Surely he would throw up. The guilt pounding in his heart told him that he deserved every moment of Hiten's insatiable abuse but his mind and body screamed for release. "Please-" He panted, squirming helplessly against the next excruciating blow. The torture seemed unending.

"Stop, stop…" The suffering redhead begged; unable to even move anymore. The world spun and pleading darkness began to swallow everything, but just as the dizzy haze threatened to completely overtake him, everything suddenly halted. Something new had demanded Hiten's attention. The tight friction between them had yielded into slippery compliance. It took his swimming, confused mind a while to comprehend, but Suzaku eventually figured out why. 'Blood. Lots of it…'

Finally Hiten released his wrists, collapsing on top of him, and Suzaku could finally breathe. He panted, still unable to free his aching body, but he could still speak. "I'm sorry, Hite-"

"Sh-Shut up!"  
Hiten choked on his words and despite everything, Suzaku felt a shocked stab of regret when he realized that it was because he was actually crying! Never before had Suzaku even imagined such a powerful man could shed tears, but now that bitter sadness flowed freely, mimicking the wet heat between his legs. "Hiten please, I didn't mean it…"

"Fuck you." Hiten closed his eyes, letting those tears flow as he turned, refusing to look down at the bloody mess he'd made out of his boyfriend. "Stupid whore," he mumbled, wishing Suzaku's quivering, panting breath would just cease.

Now that his hands were free, Suzaku wrapped his arms around Hiten's neck, holding him close. "I love you, only you." that trembling voice insisted.  
"Get away from me. You smell like _him_." Hiten sat up, forcing Suzaku back to the bed before he could follow.  
"Be still!" He'd meant it to be a bark, but it came out sounding more like a whimper. His hands wouldn't stop shaking. There was so much blood… Carefully he slid out of that tight, thoroughly abused entrance, wincing at the yelp this movement elicited from Suzaku. "Please-"  
"No. I've had enough of this shit," he growled, "I can't stand you anymore…"  
Hiten completely disentangled himself, ignoring the protests of the stupid redhead beneath him. "No, please. I'm sorry- Hiten!" Suzaku apologized many times, begging him to lie back down. "Don't do this, let me explain!"

"Shut up! You make me fucking sick!"

"You don't understand! Hiten I-"  
In an instant he'd caught Suzaku about the neck, intending to force him back into silence, but Suzaku instinctively shut his mouth. He didn't choke or even struggle. Those pale fingers met with Hiten's, seeming to plead just like those wet green eyes. He lie still and obedient and just cried his heart out, allowing the sobs to shake the entirety of his bruised, bleeding body. 'God.' Hiten truly did feel sick. His delicate partner had bruises in nearly every place he'd touched. Those wrists had turned an especially sickening shade of purple, showing almost as dark as the blood smudged onto his fair, porcelain skin. Like an injured, but still obedient puppy, Suzaku whimpered, shivering all the while. "Please. I'm sorry. I love you. Don't leave me, Hiten…" it was difficult to understand the words between the shuddering, hitching breaths. "Please… god... -hurts" He was in too much pain to form a coherent sentence.

'My Su-Chan…' He was so delicate; ethereally beautiful even at a time like this. Hiten had never used lame sayings like 'my heart is breaking', but as he gazed down at this wounded, breathtaking creature, he knew it must be true. With every beat the bitter regret was pumped only deeper, yet the fury burned just as intense. 'I still want to kill him…' His fingers positively itched to crush that delicate, Jakotsu-scented throat and finish the job; put this wounded animal out of its misery. He could do it. Oh, so quick. Silent. Easy…

_'I want you dead if you want him.'_

It was true. Every fiber of his being believed it and at the same time detested the very idea.  
'Just stop. Let go. Walk away.' He repeated these thoughts, again and again. Thinking was the opposite of blind, automatic fury. 'Let go. Just let go.' Miraculously, slowly his body obeyed. His grip loosened with those purple bruises beneath. 'It's not too late.' Despite the shivering he could still feel Suzaku breathe beneath his fingers. Those shuddering breaths gave way to gently vibrating whimpers every now and then. 'I just- can't do it.' Those tears blurred his vision yet cleared his mind. 'Hurting him… hurts me.' The red string of fate had tightened until he could barely breathe, but at the same time his fingers only loosened on Suzaku's neck.

Surely Hiten himself would die if Suzaku ever stopped breathing…

Finally he was able to release his precious phoenix. He then forced himself to stand, intending to leave, but the redhead immediately moved to catch hold of him. "Wait, Hiten!" Suzaku begged, tugging insistently, even as the tears streamed down his beautiful face. "Don't leave me. Stay. Please stay, let me explain!"

Hiten tried to shake him off, restraining an immediate urge to hit him. "I don't want to hear it!"

"But-"

"Suzaku-" he tried not to put any more bruises on those thin wrists as he began to pry each insistent finger off. "Let me go, or I will slap the shit out of you."

"Hiten-"

"Let. Go."

Suzaku released him, watching through blurry red eyes as his lover turned and left him alone in that dark, empty room. He fisted the sheets, wet with his own blood, and buried his miserable face into them, screaming; crying his broken heart out.

------------

* * *

"How could you do this to me?!"

It was almost four a.m. and Jakotsu had woken from yet another nightmare. His dreams were plagued with those beautiful blue eyes, that purple star, and those caramel hips crashing into Hiten's instead, so he gave up trying to sleep. He sat up now, letting the tears run down his face. They dripped erratically from his trembling lips, ruining the painting in his lap. That treacherous purple star sparkled in the center of this painting, mocking him. "Bankotsu, you stupid son of a bitch…" The pen in his hand was just sharp enough. It wasn't easy to pierce through canvas, but he had managed it without even thinking. He pulled downward, ripping crooked lines through that treacherous star. "Wait 'til I get home. You better get this fucking tattoo removed!"

It wasn't long before this sudden fit of rage melted back into bitter sorrow. The cross dresser dropped the ruined painting to the floor and slumped against the wall as he cried with his face in his hands. "Why'd you tell me you loved me when you really wanted him?"  
Unbeknownst to him, another man was leaned against the other side of that very same wall, speaking the very same words. Raiyuki Hiten pressed his forehead to the bathroom marble, trying to stop the tears from falling. With their eyes closed and minds lost to the pleading darkness of bitter regret, their hearts beat as one. 'I believed you. I gave up everything for you.'

"All I want is you."  
Suzaku pressed his face into his lover's pillow, whispering the words he could never admit. And miles away Bankotsu sat, tugging miserably at his identically braided hair as he breathed in the gentle scent of honeysuckle on a bed that didn't belong to him. "Nothing else matters to me."


	20. Dirty Little Secrets

disclaimer  
I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, Suzaku, Hiten or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.  
(Although I wish I did own those adorable, wonderful, super kawaii, sexy little sons of...ahem! anyways)  
I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.  
I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.  
- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

**Not For All The World**

**Chapter Twenty: Dirty Little Secrets**

* * *

Hiten sat on the side of the bathtub, staring at the heated, steaming water. He growled down at it and tugged painfully on his own long hair. He wanted to tear it out, just like he'd torn into his treacherous, beautiful boyfriend… 'I fucking hate him!' was he talking about the man reflected in the water or the one bleeding on his bed? He didn't know.

The white hot fury would not subside this time, even though it had been hours since then. He could not rest. All he could think about was the other two men in the house. It had been a couple of hours, so he assumed they were both asleep again. If only he could rest too. He was exhausted and filled with anxiety. At least bathing would offer him a chance to relax and let himself be soothed by the heat and crisp aroma of cleanliness… Or so he'd thought. But then he remembered that he had many open wounds on his back and so he had decided to just sit and soak his feet in the water instead of risking ruining his new tattoo. He hadn't even bothered to take off his shirt. He merely sat on the side of the bathtub, contemplating; unable to return to his room and face his treacherous Suzaku.

It was impossible to ignore the truth now; that Suzaku would willingly sleep with someone else.  
The only question that remained was 'why?'  
What in the seven hells had Hiten done to deserve being cheated on?!  
He must have done something, but just couldn't figure out what. Suzaku must have acted out of some kind of childish whim; jealousy or something like that. Unfortunately Hiten could already rule out alcoholic influence. Suzaku didn't smell like alcohol. He smelled like Jakotsu's perfume.

Alcohol or no, it was inexcusable; disgusting, how Suzaku had followed the queen to bed and let himself be covered in someone else's kisses, held in someone else's arms with someone else's tongue in his sweet strawberry mouth! What had he been doing for all that time he'd spent in the dark with his promiscuous, possibly drunk best friend? 'Fucking?'

Hiten laughed bitterly at this thought, shaking the images from his mind. That hardly mattered now, since Suzaku had already been punished for it. Without warning or preparation Hiten had forced himself on his lover. It was by definition; rape, without consent and without pleasure, but mere unrestrained, animalistic violence. And, thinking back, he felt intense guilt for the pain it must have caused. Even during their most intense sessions of rough and tumble sexplay, Suzaku had always been completely eager and submissive. Never before had he begged Hiten to stop… 'Rape.' It was too terrible to even speak such a word.

"I hate you." Now he was definitely talking to his own reflection. Man or monster? He couldn't even tell what he was looking at anymore. No one deserved the kind of pain he'd inflicted on that delicate, gorgeous creature. He hated himself so completely even though his actions had been anything but premeditated. It wasn't even about sex, but control.  
That's what he wanted. 'Control.' Over his Suzaku's body, over his Suzaku's everything!

There had to be a way to make Suzaku stop wanting Jakotsu. Whether it be brute force or any other means, he wanted to completely destroy his boyfriend's infuriating, overly affectionate attitude toward their new, beautiful houseguest…

'Why would he ever want anyone else?'  
It didn't make any sense! Why would Suzaku want to do anything with anyone but Hiten?  
'He's supposed to be in love with me!' That thick golden chain still hung heavily around his neck, even though Hiten wanted so badly to just rip it off and throw it away.

'Su-Chan… Why would you let anyone touch you like that?'

_'Only you- Because I love you'_  
Isn't that what Suzaku had promised the very first time they'd slept together?  
It seemed so long ago, but Hiten still remembered it because he'd trusted his word.

'Only me, only mine, you stupid treacherous fuck!'

The scene from earlier replayed itself in his mind; merciless, infuriating.  
His gorgeous Suzaku emerging from someone else's room, with someone else's kisses on that graceful neck and someone else's perfume rubbed onto that flawless body…  
How many times had he let Jakotsu touch that body? How many times had he so passionately made love with him instead?

The thought was still making Hiten absolutely mad with rage.

He scoffed, glaring down at the product of that rage. "I totally lost it…"  
There were little flakes of dried blood between his legs; mementos, reminding him of the terrible thing he had done. 'If Suzaku is a lying whore… then what does that make me?' He'd hurt someone so delicate and sweet…

_'I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. Please Hiten!' _Suzaku had apologized so many times. He blamed himself. 'But what I've done is so much worse.'

In Hiten's opinion, nothing could justify rape. Nothing. It was a purely evil, inexcusable violation of the very fabric of civilized society. It was therefore instrumental that not only Suzaku's actions be eliminated, but Hiten's as well. 'Everything about this night needs to be erased…'

Hiten turned the hot water back on, watching it bubble and swirl as it rose. Finally he sat down in it, making sure not to get his shirt wet. He then shut the water back off and stared down miserably into its foamy depths. Being in the hot water really did make him feel a bit better.

The blood on his hands would fade away now, dripping red against the soft white bubbles…  
Wouldn't it be nice if he could somehow lure Jakotsu into the water too? Vaguely he wondered if he'd be able to hold that cross dresser's head under for four full minutes. That was just about long enough to drown him, right? That scene seemed familiar for some reason… Jakotsu unconscious underwater… It had a nice ring to it.

Hiten scoffed, shaking that morbid thought out of his head. 'That won't solve anything, because it's not what I want.'

"I want Suzaku." There, he'd said it. All the fury, the frustration and the violence; collectively it meant the same thing. He wanted complete control over that redheaded angel, and was willing to do anything to get it. His jealous, violent nature had reared its ugly head yet again, threatening to destroy everything… He felt just like a spoiled child, clinging stubbornly to a toy that was only his. But he couldn't stop himself. Why? Why couldn't he just contain the anger and refuse to hurt the one he cared for? Hiten kept having to remind himself that Suzaku was not a toy. He was a living, breathing human with aspirations and desires just like any other person.

Beautiful, graceful. Naïve…  
Inside Suzaku was a phoenix that foolishly loved a ram, and yet he was still human….

_'I'm not one of your possessions!'_

Humans; infuriating, stubborn creatures that refused to be dominated by any other species.  
As a human Suzaku belonged to no one. As a lover he belonged to Hiten, but at the same time he did not. Even the closest of lovers could never be one. Not even in marriage. 'To have and to hold.' What did that even mean? It wasn't very promising. What was possessed could still be forfeited. What was held could also be let go. For Suzaku none of that was good enough. Hiten desperately wanted to own him. Fully, indefinitely.

Those wings didn't belong on his back. The red string of fate should have twisted around his neck just as it restricted Hiten. There were invisible ties binding the two of them… 'Maybe it would be best to just cut him loose?'

_'Please don't leave me.'_  
Suzaku had begged that last night. He hadn't meant it literally, but figuratively.  
'But I should.' The two of them had no business continuing an intimate relationship. They were obviously destroying each other, yet Suzaku had still begged that through the blood and despite the tears… "We should break up."

'Strange.' Those words had elicited a sharp, powerful pain in Hiten's chest. The fury seemed to melt away, as if drowned out by this new sensation. It was the same kind of pain that had mitigated his psychotic urge to strangle Suzaku. 'Grief. Isn't that what they called it?' It was the first time Hiten's entire being had frozen up like that. As if his body could not move for the crippling pain surging throughout. There was no room for anger, standing on the ledge like that; about to destroy something that could never be replaced…

The new tattoo on his back burned with the heated water lapping at it. His newest permanent brand seared somehow hotter than any anger could; reflecting desire nothing could rival.

_'Don't leave me.' _

Well finally. For once the two of them wanted the same thing at the same time…

'I can't bear to.' Infuriating frustration mingled with forced resignation. How could one stupid, treacherous man invoke emotions like this? Suzaku himself was a mystery. Was he a possession or a partner? Misunderstood or treacherous? And how the hell was Hiten supposed to treat him anyway? Should that flawless body be worshipped or ravaged: handled with care or forcibly dominated? Sometimes both seemed pertinent yet somehow neither could suffice.

Nothing made any real, tangible sense. The only thing to go by was this feeling; this pain.  
'I can't leave him.' That's all Hiten really knew, and so that would have to suffice. What was done was done. There was no choice now but to play it by ear.

'We can talk. Work something out…'

That thought was more calming. As Hiten meditated, absently fingering that golden locket, the bathroom door creaked open and the man he'd just been thinking about poked his head in.

"Sorry to bother you, Hiten…" Suzaku's voice was timid and quiet. Hiten was shocked to see him standing, much less willingly entering the same room.

"I was just making sure you hadn't drowned…"

Suzaku made to leave but Hiten interrupted.  
"You're okay?"

"As ever…" The redhead replied vaguely, giving him a nod. His long red braid swung down from his back like a pendulum and Hiten immediately wanted to touch it.  
"Come over here."

Those emerald eyes darted the other way. Suzaku looked scared now, like he might run away, so Hiten repeated himself more gently, sitting up. "Come here my Su-Chan."

"My?" those red lips repeated, disbelieving. "You still want me, Hiten?"

"Yes. Now come here."

Timidly, gingerly the redhead obeyed, though he still looked like he regretted ever having wandered in. "I have to fix your hair," Hiten explained, reaching out.  
Suzaku knelt in front of him and Hiten caught hold of the long red braid that still trailed down his back. He went to work on it, quickly unraveling each strand. The braid fell apart easily and returned to the beautiful, natural look that belonged only to his Suzaku. The redhead turned to observe his now fully unbraided hair, shivering a little. Hiten had noticed the way he flinched at being touched. Suzaku had probably been expecting something painful to happen…

"You're not Bankotsu," Hiten asserted, pulling out the top tie as well so that Suzaku's hair fell in a messy curtain around his shoulders. "Bankotsu belongs to him. You belong to me."

Suzaku nodded. Maybe he was too scared to disagree.

Absently Hiten ran his fingers through those red-velvet, silk-like strands, contemplating.  
'Red strings…' Suzaku probably didn't want to be touched, but for some reason Hiten wanted nothing more. Touch/love. Love/Touch. What the hell was the difference anyway? If only he could feel the red string of fate. If he ever found it he'd immediately tie it around Suzaku's neck, right where it belonged. 'Love me, belong to me.' Disgusting, stupid desires like that flitted through his mind. Oh, if only he really could wrap these feelings around that beautiful body; chain it to his own. Just his neck. Just tie something tight enough around that precious neck…

'No.' Reflexively he pushed Suzaku away, before he was tempted to hurt him again. The shocked redhead just barely caught himself before hitting the ground.

"That was mean." Suzaku whispered, but Hiten only growled at him. "You have no idea."

"Hiten, you… can't stand to be with me anymore?"  
Suzaku turned around and sat on the floor, looking positively miserable. He seemed to want to talk…"I said I'm sorry." Hiten scoffed, glaring right back into those tear-filled eyes, unable to keep the disgust from his voice. " 'Sorry' doesn't mean shit to me."

"Nothing does."  
Hiten was taken aback by that blunt retort, but Suzaku had a point. Words meant virtually nothing unless backed by action. "Don't say you love me while you're fucking with him."

"But I'm not! I swear…" Those watery emerald eyes begged just like those quivering lips. "Please believe me Hiten." Suzaku reached out and traced a finger along that thick golden chain. "My heart around your beautiful neck," he whispered, "just like before, you and me together. Please forgive me. Please, please, stay with me…"

Hiten caught that hand in his own and let their fingers entwine. 'Together like before…'  
That sounded like such a nice sentiment. Forgiving was the easy part, forgetting was the problem… 'Mine. My Suzaku that he has touched. My Suzaku who isn't faithful…' He wanted to shove the treacherous redhead away again, so why did his hands insist on clinging so tightly? 'Why should I still want him? Why should he still want me?'  
"Suzaku seriously…" Hiten sighed, deciding to be brutally honest, "You are the only one who makes me act this way. No one else could ever get me so fucking pissed, so fucking fast."

"I'll be better," Suzaku insisted, "I swear- Please. Oh..." He could hardly talk for the misery.  
"Don't leave me. I'll change. I'll be whatever you want."

Hiten sighed, pressing their foreheads together even as he closed his eyes to avoid those pleading green ones. What did he want? Or did it even matter? It was so unfair that Suzaku thought this was all his own fault. 'Takes two to tango, two to fight, two to fuck everything up… two to fix it.'

"Suzaku, do you even understand why I get so pissed when you act like that?"

"I think I do…"

"Do you realize that I fucking hate this country?"

Suzaku started, not knowing what to say to that, and Hiten continued, voicing his frustration "Think I wanted to just up and move to America? Think I wanted to leave all of my friends and family, everything I used to know?"

"No…"

"But I did it anyway." He sighed, absently running his fingers through that gorgeous red hair. "Just for you. Don't you get it? Did you never even notice that I threw away everything for you?"

"I'm sorry," Suzaku insisted, "I'll make it up to you. Just tell me what you want."

"I told you before. I only want what you want. You wanted me in America, so I came. You wanted flowers and chocolate, so I bought them. Why is nothing ever enough for you? It doesn't make any sense!"

"I'm sor-"

"Stop saying that!" Again Hiten had to fight off a very powerful urge to hit him and Suzaku flinched so he quickly calmed himself, trying to put his desires into the simplest form. "Just- Suzaku I want what you want. It's that simple."

"You always say that but-"  
"I say it because I mean it." He met those green eyes again and couldn't help but scoff at the shocked look on his partner's face. "You know, Suzaku, only one of us is a liar and it's not me. I know you don't even appreciate it, but I've never once lied to you."

Suzaku bowed his head. He probably wanted to apologize, but Hiten immediately regretted making him look so ashamed. "That came out wrong. Don't think about it, okay?"

"Okay…"

"You can have anything," Hiten explained, "but you can not fuck us both. Understand? It makes me fucking crazy."

"I understand."

"Fine. Now that that dog's been put to sleep… Tell me now," Suzaku nodded, listening intently to Hiten's request. "What do you want, Suzaku? Not to belong to me. What then?"

Those green eyes grew wide, like he couldn't believe he'd been asked to provide such an answer. "Really? I can choose?"

"Yeah." Hiten sat back, absently fidgeting with the bubbles around him. He wanted this misery gone; this day forgotten. "You don't make a shits-worth of sense to me. So just tell me already. What do you want from me?"

"I want to be your lover."

Hiten scoffed as he was propositioned with another cliché title. "Fine, whatever." At least he had something to go by now. 'Lover.' But what did that mean anyway? How was it any different from 'Boyfriend' or 'possession' or just plain 'Hiten'? Pondering these ambiguous titles was only working his nerves even more... "Also Suzaku, if you see me pissed like that again, just- put some distance between us, okay? Don't interrupt if I'm trying to walk away."

"Okay."

"Then we agree, right? We'll work on this. You behave, and I will be your 'lover.'"  
"Okay!" Suzaku nodded and to his immense surprise, Hiten noticed that his spirits had lifted.  
A timid smile now graced those sweet pink lips. Apparently playing it by ear was already starting to pay off. "Lover is fine. Makes you smile so let's just leave it at that." This decided, Hiten then offered his newly entitled 'lover' some advice. "You should put something on your neck so Jakotsu won't see that mark… And don't forget to take your meds, either."

Suzaku nodded, walking over to the mirror and snatched a box of band-aids from the cupboard. He fastened one smoothly over the puncture wounds on his neck, pleased at how easily they disappeared from view. He then fetched his little orange pill bottle, and turned to leave, but Hiten stopped him again. "Hey…"

He was trying to carefully look his partner over. Suzaku was wearing one of his own shirts so only the bruises on his wrists were visible. He also had those black pants on again, so it was impossible to see if he might've been injured beneath them…

"Hm?"

"You're not still hurting from… I mean, are you sure you're okay now?"

"What do you mean?" The redhead looked confused as he popped one of the little white pills into his mouth, but Hiten quickly became too embarrassed to elaborate. "Never mind…"

His confused-looking 'lover' offered him a smile, replaced the bottle and left, closing the door quietly behind himself. Hiten sighed as he sat back, fidgeting with the bubbles in the water.  
It was an intense relief to see Suzaku like that, as if he hadn't been injured at all.

'Amazing.' Apparently Suzaku had suffered a lot less than Hiten had feared. Maybe he wasn't in too much pain after all? 'If it were me,' Hiten thought, recalling how unusually violent he had been with that body he'd normally cherish, 'I'd probably be hurt too bad to walk right now…'

* * *

* * *

"Ohaiyou!" Jakotsu called, meeting his best friend in the hallway. For a moment Suzaku did not answer. He was doubled over with his eyes shut as if he were in great pain. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," The redhead replied, recovering quickly. "Just found out how gross aspirin tastes." He spit a little white pill onto the ground, then he beamed at his sullen-looking friend, both hands behind his back. "You don't look too hot yourself."

"Just a little hangover," Jakotsu explained, waving it off. "I'll just splash some cold water on my face." Suzaku moved aside, letting him pass with a smile, and Jakotsu wandered into the foggy bathroom, getting right down to his morning routine. He froze, halfway through brushing his teeth, and startled as a strange splashing sound caught his attention.

"Hi- Hiten!" He spluttered, clutching his chest as the man in the bathtub gave him a sarcastic greeting. "Nice of you to drop in, your Majesty!"

The shocked cross dresser collected himself, spitting the toothbrush he'd almost choked on into the sink. "Mou, you almost gave me a heart attack!" He then made to rinse out his mouth, mumbling grumpily. "Suzaku didn't even warn me you were in here!" The mirror was foggy and he couldn't see, but he was still humiliated at the thought of how terrible he must look. He'd only just rolled out of bed!

Hiten only smiled, stretching comfortably in the bathtub. How strange that he was wearing a shirt… Maybe he was the modest type?

"It's okay," Hiten offered, looking amused, "Just go on about your business."

"You've got to be kidding." Jakotsu raised an eyebrow at him, shaking his head. "I'll just come back once you're finished…" he made to leave but Hiten stopped him.

"Wait, come over here a minute."

"What?" Jakotsu turned, raising an eyebrow at the black-haired, sopping wet man who had just hoisted himself up onto his knees, craning to get a closer look at the bleary-eyed cross dresser.

"Come. Here." Hiten repeated himself, motioning with his hands as well, and Jakotsu obeyed, walking over and leaning before him, utterly bewildered. For some reason he had not even thought to disobey. Hiten just had that affect on people. If he asked for something, no one dared keep it from him…

Wet fingers brushed his messy hair aside, and Jakotsu blushed as the younger man held his face gingerly in his hands. "Under the makeup," Hiten mused aloud, "your lips are pink…"

"Yeah I guess…"

"Like my Suzaku's…"

"Yeah…" Jakotsu shifted uncomfortably under the other man's intense gaze. It almost seemed like those brown eyes were trying to peer into his mind. "Jakotsu, can I ask you something?"

"What?"

"What did you do with my Suzaku last night?"

"Went shopping and bar-hopping," He replied, "why?"

"And…?"

"And drank." Jakotsu continued, completely clueless as to what he was getting at. Hiten looked a bit perturbed. "Well actually Su-Chan didn't drink cuz it fucks with his meds and-"  
"Shut up."

The queen bristled at this rude interruption. "Well you asked!"

"You can cut the crap now," Hiten suggested, "Tell me what you did at home, with my Suzaku while he was in your bed instead of in mine, where he belongs."

Jakotsu scoffed, flaring up immediately, "The way you talk about him makes me sick! He's not your personal slave you know! Su-Chan should be able to sleep wherever he wants."

"Don't you mean with whoever he wants?"

"It's not like that!" he glared right back into those fierce brown eyes; indignant. But Hiten only smiled, feigning innocent curiosity. "So you mean, he didn't have sex with you?"

"No." Jakotsu replied, folding his arms resolutely across his chest. "absolutely not."

"So it was just kissing," Hiten whispered, meeting his shocked gaze with a twisted smile.  
'What the- How the fuck did he know?!' Jakotsu jerked his head to the side, not wanting those hands on him anymore, but Hiten relinquished his hold easily as he questioned further.  
"And you think it's perfectly alright to just make out with someone that belongs to me?"

"Su-Chan does not belong to you!" the queen seethed. That cocky smile was so assured!  
"He's not just some pretty little redhead fucktoy! He has feelings too!"

"Oh, really…."

"Yes really! And if you'd stop acting like such a douchebag and just show him some affection, maybe he wouldn't want to sleep with anyone else!"

"Hmm…" Hiten raised his eyes to the ceiling, as if he were contemplating. It was so infuriating how he was always smiling. That cocky, untouchable grin.  
"So it's okay for you to make out with him? Just because you think I don't show him enough affection…" His eyes settled back on Jakotsu's then, and if it were possible he looked even more cheerful or rather, sadistic. "Well what if I said I didn't think you were affectionate enough toward Bankotsu? What would you say to that?"

"That it's none of your business." Jakotsu spat, his nose stuck haughtily in the air.

"That's true!" Hiten rested his head on his hands, still smiling. "Kind of like how it's none of your business how I treat my 'redhead fucktoy' right?"

Jakotsu bristled as his own term was used against him, but Hiten just continued in a casual tone. "Speaking of Bankotsu… If I recall correctly, he was something like a secret lover to you in high school right?"

"Yes…"

"He must have been quite the smooth talker, playing it straight all of those years with a loud-mouth lover like you. I bet that guy could have as many lovers as he wanted and still manage to keep them all a secret…"

Jakotsu started, finally catching on. He suddenly remembered the conversation he and Su-Chan had held yesterday.

_'Bankotsu never even talked about Hiten. I wonder why?'_  
_'Maybe he had something to hide…'_

"What's the matter Ja-Chan, you look worried all of the sudden…"

Jakotsu glared into those mean, cat-eyes, wishing for the thousand time that he could slap that stupid grin off of his face. 'It can't be true! Hiten is just jealous because of last night!'

"Secret lovers, fun times ne?" Hiten whispered. His wet hair made it easy to see the tattoo on his forehead… "Surely you knew all of Bankotsu's secrets, right? Even though he spent so much time making sure you never even got the chance to talk to his 'best friend.' I bet you didn't even know my first name was Hiten until Suzaku said it. I bet he never even told you I chose his star tattoo, and taught him that song about the moon…  
Stars and moons, isn't that perfect?

Don't suppose you even noticed back then just how lonely your own boyfriend was? Poor Ban-Chan, alone all night, under the moon while you were out entertaining other little boys…  
How lucky for you: I was always there to keep him company."

Hiten stood then. Apparently he was done with his bath. He snatched a towel from the hanger and wrapped it firmly around his waist as he leaned forward to continue musing.  
"But don't feel too bad, cuz I didn't know he was with you either. Remember prom?  
How he kissed you but as soon as I showed up he freaked out and pushed you off the stage? Funny. He didn't care if everyone else saw that kiss…"

Jakotsu watched the water drain absently, his heart feeling like it might burst. Hiten was sitting next to him now, on the side of the bathtub. His long black braid was dripping everywhere, splashing little cold droplets whenever he moved. "Let's you and me share some of our dirty little secrets, your highness." He proposed, "You can tell me all about what you did to my Su-Chan in college. And fairs fair, I'll tell you all about the fun Bankotsu and I had in high school."

"Fuck you."

Hiten fake-pouted, turning to wring out his braid. "You're no fun."  
The water splashed against the empty marble basin, the little drops seemed to tease and laugh at the now thoroughly distressed cross dresser. Jakotsu's breathing was heavy and fast. He sounded like he might start to hyperventilate. "Don't die on me, now."

"Shut up!"  
The queen started, bringing a hand swiftly to his face to wipe away the tears he hadn't meant to shed. He couldn't speak anymore, and instead put his face in his hands, overcome with anxiety.

Hiten knelt beside him, shocked by how easily he'd made this promiscuous cross dresser cry. "You're quite the hypocrite, you know that? You banter on about how Suzaku doesn't belong to me and pretend it's perfectly alright for you to prance around flirting with zombie teenagers and playing with other people's 'fuck toys'… But then you get all emotional when you realize Bankotsu is also able to think with his dick. Karma's such a bitch ne?"

"Just shut up!" The queen hissed, barely able to talk for the sobs that now shook his beautiful body. Vaguely Hiten noticed that his silk pajamas weren't meant to be worn by men. They had a low cut, V-shape on the top that offered a very nice view of his pale collarbone. The shadows of Suzaku's kisses still lingered there. It was a wonder Jakotsu hadn't noticed the mauve hickeys about his neck. "One, two, three of them…" Hiten counted aloud, not surprised when the other man flinched before he could touch them. "I owe you three stories then. Let's start with one from the locker room-"

"Stop!" Jakotsu pressed his hands firmly over his ears, shaking his head. "Just stop already, you asshole! I get the point!"

"Oh, you have no idea..." Hiten smiled, shaking his head at the miserable man before him.  
"But touch my Suzaku again and I promise you will regret it so much more than you do now." He then stood and excused himself, bowing politely before leaving his queen's royal presence.

------------------

* * *

Suzaku was sitting on his bed when Hiten wandered in to get dressed.  
"Oh, you have work today…"

"Yes I do." He turned, regarding the redhead with mild curiosity as he pulled on his pants. He couldn't change his shirt with Suzaku around… "Why are you still in bed? You feel okay?"  
"Yeah, it's just really early," was his reply. And so it was. Hiten had totally forgotten that he hadn't gotten any sleep. "Well then I guess I'm going in early." He shrugged wandering over to the closet to choose a new shirt. "Get out of my room, Su-Chan. I need to change."

"Since when am I not allowed to watch you get dressed?" his nosy companion wondered, and Hiten gave him a very unpleasant smile as he replied. "Since yesterday, pet. Go and watch Jakotsu get dressed instead since you like him so damn much."

"No I don't!" Those predictable, pouting lips professed, "I love you! I said that already!"

"Yeah, yeah yeah…" Hiten shook his head, causing his wet hair to drip onto the carpet.  
"Oops." He bent down, noticing some other reddish droplets on the floor. "Suzaku…"

"Yes?" Suzaku flinched, closing his eyes when Hiten strode over to him and caught him about the shoulders. "Are you still bleeding?"  
He shook his head, causing that beautiful red hair to become a little more messy.  
"No…"  
"Let me see Su-Chan."  
"No."  
"Lie down and take off those pants."  
"No."  
"Lie down, Su-Chan…"  
Suzaku pushed his hands away, even though he wanted to obey his lover. He knew Hiten hated to repeat himself. But it didn't sound like a threat or even a command. It was more of a gentle request, really, and so Suzaku shook his head again, absolutely refusing to let Hiten touch his pants. "I'm fine," he insisted. "It's just a little blood. It's the same thing that happened the first time we- Hey!" Suzaku kicked his feet, trying to squirm his way out of Hiten's grip as the stronger man lifted him, bridal style and carried him off into the bathroom.

"I'll stay home and take care of you."

This decided, Hiten set his captive gently into the now empty bathtub, wondering vaguely about Jakotsu's sudden disappearance. 'He was right here a moment ago…'  
Not that it mattered. It was better for Suzaku to have privacy now.

"Undress."

The redhead shook his head, even as Hiten leaned forward and helped him out of his shirt. "Don't be shy..."

"No, seriously, this is way too embarrassing!" Suzaku shoved him away, shaking his head all the while. "I can take care of myself! Really, it's okay."  
Hiten sighed, sitting back as Suzaku rebuffed him yet again. "Just let me see if-"  
"No, no no!"

It was kind of cute how Su-Chan's cheeks turned red as he pushed him away, shaking that gorgeous head of his. "I'll die of embarrassment!"

"Stubborn as an ox." Hiten rolled his eyes, standing up. "Seriously, if you won't let me see it then just check yourself. If it hasn't stopped bleeding I'm taking you to the hospital."  
"No, no it's fine! I hate hospitals! Just… go away and gimme some privacy."

Suzaku smiled as Hiten pressed their foreheads together with an annoyed but conceding sigh. The stubborn redhead would have his way yet again…

"I'll make breakfast before I go. What do you want?"  
"Um…" He thought about it for a moment, and was not surprised when Hiten rolled his eyes at the predictable answer. "Strawberry pancakes…"

"As you wish." Hiten then pressed a little kiss to those smiling pink lips and bowed out of the room. Suzaku stood immediately to close and lock the door behind him. His smile disappeared as he mumbled the truth. "That would have been very bad…"

He turned around and climbed back into the bathtub, turning on the water. But he let it fill for only a moment before shutting the tap back off. Then he sat carefully on his knees in only an inch of water. Suzaku worked his way out of his now ruined black pants and pressed them into the hot water. The usually pearly white marble was quickly glazed with pink. He leaned forward and curiously watched as the blood seeped out of the fabric. It swirled down the drain when he unplugged it, like a little whirlpool of strawberry syrup. Deciding that it was not safe to chance sneaking out to the washing machine, Suzaku proceeded to handwash these pants, wringing the pink water out again and again until it finally ran clear. This completed, he tossed the wet garment aside and looked carefully between his legs to assess the damage. He could already see the now drying streaks of slightly brown blood on his inner thighs, and laughed wryly when he realized that he really was still bleeding…

Hiten was so astute. He'd wanted to bathe Suzaku himself and see the damage firsthand, so of course Suzaku had to smile and wave him off. Of course he would never have let Hiten know how badly he had hurt him. He thought bitterly back on it, marveling at how much had happened in those sudden moments of excruciating intimacy.

Never before had Suzaku seen his lover so furious or felt anything so terribly painful…

Yet even now, as the blood continued to drip onto the white porcelain, he couldn't help but feel a sense of pride. It was he who invoked such dangerous passion in that man; he who Hiten had become so white hot and jealous over. This wound was a small price to pay. It was proof positive that he could have Hiten's heart all to himself. Hiten had even taken the time to unbraid his hair... 'How sweet.' Now he could be sure that Hiten wanted him instead of Bankotsu.  
'Bankotsu belongs to him. You belong to me.'  
Not only that, but Hiten had also agreed to be his lover! Perhaps with enough careful manipulation, that terrible night could bring them closer instead of tearing them apart.

"Lover… Hiten actually said he'd be my lover. It's too good to be tr-"  
Suzaku clutched the side of the bathtub, his breath hitching as another sudden wave of pain shot through his body. His backside still burned so badly that it almost felt like Hiten was still inside of him… Curious, he slid a hand between his legs and pressed two fingers inside.  
'Wow, that was dumb!' He recoiled, deciding that he'd better not do that again. He then held his fingers up to look at them, noting the thick red streaks that were set in sharp contrast against his pale skin.

'Hiten would have seriously freaked out…'

Suzaku plugged up the tub again and turned on the water. Time to get rid of the evidence.  
He thought back on the source of his injury as he poured the bubble solution into the water and watched it rise around him. He thought about that jealous rage and those overwhelmingly painful moments of unbridled passion, and even though he knew it was wrong, he felt satisfied in the knowledge of why his lover had taken him so roughly that it had made him bleed.

_'Are you okay now?'_ Hiten had asked. How cute it was of him to worry. Of course he wasn't okay. Of course he was in more humiliating pain than he would ever admit.

_'I'll stay home and take care of you.'_  
Never would Suzaku accept an offer like that. He wasn't such a selfish person. And besides, Hiten's trip was coming up. That stupid man couldn't possibly afford to skip work…  
That stupid, stupid Hiten; that man he loved so desperately…

**_"Maybe he loves you after all…"_**

"Who said that?"**_  
_**

Suzaku's red eyes surveyed the room, but he was alone. In his mind; however, he was not.  
'How long has it been since I've taken my pills?' Too long, it seemed. Or had the symptoms been triggered by the trauma of last night? 'Hearing voices, ne?' Suzaku shook his beautiful head, disgusted with himself. It was bad enough Hiten thought he was a whore now…  
'I'll just have to pretend the voices don't exist, just like I'll pretend that I'm not hurt.'

**_"You're such a beautiful liar."_**

He'd been told to never listen to the voices in his head… But still Suzaku agreed with that disembodied voice. 'So what? It's worth it if I can make him stay with me.'  
A crooked smile spread across his lips as he reached out to turn off the water.  
The bloody smear that his fingers left on the tap was strangely satisfying…

At this rate Hiten really wouldn't figure it out. Last night would just fade away like a bad dream, locked away inside of Suzaku's heart. 'Just another dirty little secret.'


	21. Strawberry Solace

disclaimer  
I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.  
(Although I wish I did own those adorable, wonderful, super kawaii, sexy little sons of...ahem! anyways)  
I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.  
I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.  
- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

**Not For All The World**

* * *

(AN. Woot! 100,000 words! Pat yourself on the back, my friend! You have seriously read 100k words of this story! That's quite an impressive achievement! Needless to say, I'm pretty amazed by you! So I'd like to take this moment to pat you on the back and say OMG THANKS!

I hope you are one of those generous readers that has blessed me with a review or two.  
If not, there's not time like the present, right? lol!

Either way, I hope that you will enjoy this newest chapter.

'Til we meet again!)

**

* * *

  
**

**Chapter Twenty-One: ** **Strawberry Solace.**

**

* * *

  
**

"Raiyuki-Sama has been in there since the crack of dawn…"  
"He looks pissed."  
"He always looks pissed."  
"That man is just plain scary."  
"I had to forward a call to him earlier and he totally bitched at me!"  
"Maybe he got in a fight with his wife?"  
"Maybe the Ishida deal fell through?"

The young red-headed secretary elbowed her way through the group of her gossiping coworkers; annoyed. "Why are you guys all standing around here instead of doing your jobs?!"

"But Tekkei-San, Raiyuki-Sama is acting so weird."  
"Yeah it's so interesting…"  
"Don't go in there Tekkei-Chan! He's dangerous!"

"I have to," she scoffed, "I'm his secretary stupid! And ten o' clock means it's time for Raiyuki-Sama's coffee and donuts, so you guys get out of the way so I can deliver."

"Tekkei-san, when you're done come and tell us what's up!"  
"Yeah Tekkei, share the info on Raiyuki!"  
"Can I get some coffee too?"

"No!" She shoved the boys out of her way, straightening out her skirt before knocking on the door. "Raiyuki-sama, it's me!"

She let herself in and Hiten lifted his head to look at her for a moment before slamming it back down onto his desk. "Good morning Raiyuki-sama," She greeted, and Hiten scoffed at the thought of how wrong she was. "Fuck my life…" was all he had to offer.

"Raiyuki…" Tekkei sighed, noticing the now broken telephone receiver in his hand. "You broke the phone?"

"I guess…"

"How?"  
He didn't answer, but tossed the broken receiver aside.  
"Well, do you need me to get in contact with someone for you?" Tekkei asked, feeling a bit sorry for the telephone as she placed the coffee onto his desk. Hiten thought about this for a moment but ultimately decided against it and shook his head. "Su-Chan hung up on me…"

"Oh, so it's your wife you're looking for? Can I help?" She offered, unplugging and throwing away the now ruined telephone. "I'll just call her for you."  
"Su-Chan hates telephones," he grumbled, opening the box of donuts she'd brought.

"Well should I buy you a new phone anyway?"

"No," he replied, "but if you want you can go out and buy me a gun…"  
"A gun?" Her green eyes narrowed. "So you can shoot yourself?"  
"Yes."  
"You're such a drama king," she sighed. "I hope you didn't really lose the Ishida deal."  
"I didn't," her boss grumbled, taking another bite of his donut. "But I did manage to get into two fights in one day."

"Ooh! Exciting! Were they big, big fights?"

"Yeah… Su-Chan's best friend drives me fucking crazy."

"Let me guess, you made two girls cry in one day? Smooth move, Raiyuki-Sama!"

"Fuck you."

She clasped her hands together, suddenly sounding excited.  
"I can help you with girl troubles any day! Let's start with the wife…  
Did you try buying her flowers?" "Allergic."  
"Chocolates?" "-hates 'em"  
"Diamonds?" "Hates those too."

"Well damn," Tekkei smiled, "She sounds just like you. Hates everything…"  
"Yep," Hiten took a sip of his coffee, sighing in defeat. "We're awful together. Even our astrological signs are a horrible match; Taurus and Scorpio."

"Eww…." Tekkei mumbled, "You know what they say. Bad astrology means only two things you can do together."

"Fight and fuck."

"Hahaha!" Tekkei nearly fell off the desk for laughing so hard, "Can't believe you knew that!"

"I hate women…"

"No, no wait, Raiyuki-sama, cuz I know just what you should do." She forced herself to calm down in order to share some advice, "First you call the best friend and give her a good old fashioned heart-to-heart apology. But then you gotta talk to the wife face to face, ne? That's like the classic wife rule. Anyway, give her an apology too, followed by hot make-up sex and then hold her close and whisper 'I love you' all night long."

"Or…" Hiten rolled his eyes. Tekkei already knew he'd never do something that sappy.  
"You can go get me that god damn gun like I said!"

"Drama king." She sighed, "seriously at least try the whispering part. Girls love that!"  
Her boss grumped, "Tekkei, you're useless. Don't you have papers to file or data to backup or whatever?"

"Oh, come off it. We both know you're just trying to worm your way out of talking about your cute little wife." She smiled wickedly, crossing her legs as she sat back on the desk.  
"You'll be grumpy all day, worried about your sweet wittle Su-Chan, won't you?"

"No."

"Hey Raiyuki, I bet your Su-Chan has red hair…"

"Why?"

"Because I'm the only one you ever talk to. Hundreds of people work in this building but for some reason you only talk to me. Coincidentally I am also the only one with long red hair…"

"So?"

"Well there's so much gossip going around. A little birdie told me that you only hire young pale secretaries with long red hair and big green eyes… Now I wonder why that is…"

Hiten started, nearly choking on his coffee. "Because," he finally replied, "I am a misogynistic, power-hungry, faggot-ass douche bag."

"Wow, I guess you've heard all the rumors already," she sighed, looking disappointed, "I guess I will get back to work then," She stood, snatching up his blackberry before returning to her own office which was connected to his. "Don't worry, I'll just use your cell to call that friend for you. I'll let it ring all day if I have to."

The moment she left the room Hiten pulled his laptop open and booted it up. Her nosy prying had reminded him of something he'd meant to do for Su-Chan.

'I want to be your lover.' That was the only clue Suzaku had left for him.

"Lover…"

Hiten mumbled the word as he typed it into an online dictionary, but the definition only made his eyebrows raise. "Noun: A sexual partner." Well that was useless. 'What the fuck, Suzaku? Why would you want to be something you already are?' He scrolled through some different dictionaries as well, paying special attention to synonyms, but each word already looked to be a plausible description for Suzaku.  
'Synonym: Sweetheart: a person who is very much loved by another, particularly in youth.'

"Very much loved. Loved..."  
_'hold her close and whisper 'I love you' all night long.'_

Now that he thought about it, Hiten vaguely recalled Jakotsu saying something like that too.

_'if you'd stop acting like such a douchebag and just show him some affection, maybe he wouldn't want to sleep with anyone else!'_

Maybe some of this advice was worth something after all…

Even still, Hiten shut off the computer and shoved it aside, looking around quickly to make sure Tekkei hadn't seen anything. 'Lover. Affection. Sweetheart.' He tossed those words around in his head, but wound up slamming his forehead right back into the desk, muttering all the while. "This is so lame. Lame. Lame. Lame…"

------------------

* * *

Jakotsu sat worriedly beside his bedridden best friend. He had noticed Suzaku's usually graceful movements seemed sluggish and awkward all throughout the day. And after lunchtime the usually lively redhead had lie down with his head on the table, refusing to touch his food and complaining that he felt sick. It turned out Suzaku was running a terrible fever and so his worried friend had insisted he spend the rest of the day in bed. Jakotsu placed a cold, wet towel on Suzaku's forehead, brushing his beautiful red hair out of the way.

"Maybe you've been overstertioning yourself," He suggested, dabbing lightly under Suzaku's hot neck. "You mean, overexerting," Suzaku sighed, shaking his head as he insisted yet again that he had no idea where his fever might have come from. "Maybe I'm just PMSing!" he joked, taking Jakotsu's hand, "Don't worry Ja-Chan! I'll be good as new tomorrow, you'll see!"

"I hope…" Jakotsu couldn't help but frown even as he met his friend's hopeful smile. He didn't know much about caring for fevers. Maybe Suzaku needed something cold?  
"Want something cold to eat?"

"Hiten keeps strawberry ice cream," Suzaku replied, sounding excited, so his best friend stood immediately to go fetch some. "Ice cream it is!"

But when Jakotsu entered the kitchen and looked in the freezer he was caught off guard.

Hiten always did all the cooking, so he'd never seen the inside of the freezer before. It was completely packed with frozen treats! It wasn't just strawberry ice cream, but also strawberry cheesecake, chocolate dipped strawberries, strawberry sherbet, strawberry pancakes, strawberry juice concentrate and many frozen whole strawberries stacked up everywhere, even the freezer door was completely packed with various sweet strawberry confections.

"What the hell…" He selected one of the many cartons of ice cream and prepared a bowl of it, but when he returned he found that he couldn't even cram it back into the packed freezer.  
'Why in the world do these men have so much strawberry shit?!'

The apartment was fairly new and Suzaku and Hiten had neglected to fill the cabinets with dishware, and yet they had plenty of meaningless, fattening snacks. And now that Jakotsu looked at them, he realized that strawberries were the main ingredient in almost all of the packages of food in the entire house! Jakotsu stood at the cabinets, intrigued.

'Hmm… Don't they say only gay men know how to enjoy their sweets?'  
That thought made him chuckle. He couldn't help but picture Hiten carefully stocking his freezer with all of those sugary goodies. He'd probably be so embarrassed if he knew Jakotsu had seen this stash…

"Haha, Hiten's gay…" Jakotsu tittered, deciding to dig through the rest of the cabinets.  
He tore open a box of strawberry shortcakes and began to eat them as he observed the many other strawberry flavored treats. "Ooh Strawberry pocky…" he found himself mumbling as the large pink box met his eyes. He reached up and pulled the giant candy-filled box from the shelf, but accidentally dropped it, causing pocky packages to roll all across the floor. He stooped immediately to pick them up, but as he did so, he beheld something even more peculiar.

A cordless telephone lay in pieces on the floor. There was no base in sight, and the handheld unit was hanging open, the battery pack was missing. Retrieving this phone, Jakotsu looked at the cracked screen, wondering what had happened to it. Maybe someone had dropped it? He looked around and before long he found the missing battery. So he put it back together and wandered around the front of the house, looking for the base. When he finally found it he was even more perplexed. The base was hanging off of the living room coffee table, the cords had been ripped out of the wall.

As soon as he plugged it back up, setting it upright and returning the mobile unit to the base, the screen lit up, a bright green LCD flashed with caller ID. "Raiyuki, Hiten". He stared in complete shock as the phone continued to flash silently with this display. And even as he waited a full minute nothing changed. He reached over, flipping the volume switch on the side of the receiver and the phone immediately began to ring. Incessantly it rang on and on, and finally he remembered that Suzaku hated telephones. 'Does Su-Chan really hate them this much?' Is that why it had been unplugged and left in pieces on the floor? Had Suzaku himself thrown it in the kitchen? Well since no one else was going to answer…

"Moshi-moshi?"  
The line was silent for a moment, but then the shocked voice of a woman replied.

"Someone picked up! Thank goodness, I thought I'd grow old and die!"

"Um…" Jakotsu mumbled, "the caller ID said Hiten…"  
"I am Raiyuki's secretary," she replied, suddenly sounding dignified. "Tell me, would this happen to be Su-Chan's best friend?"

"Yeah…"

"Oh my god, you're a man!? Oh now I get it! No wonder Raiyuki wanted to make you cry! Got a little too friendly with the Mrs, eh?"

"Um…"

"Oh, you should see him! Raiyuki is all upset. He feels so guilty for being mean to you! It's so cute. He's been calling you all day to try and apologize. I tell you what. That man causes trouble all the time with his stupid tough guy act and then he goes and- Hey! I'm not done talking!"

Jakotsu raised an eyebrow at the telephone as he recognized the voice in the background. Hiten was obviously attempting to wrestle the phone away from this woman.  
"God damnit Tekkei!" "Wait I'm having fun!" "You are so fired! Give me this stupid-"  
"You're so mean!"

Apparently Hiten had finally won the battle, because now only his voice could be heard.  
"Sorry, that was my idiot secretary…"

"Yeah, she told me." Jakotsu bristled, suddenly wishing he could still talk to the secretary.  
"What do you want, Raiyuki?"

Hiten stumbled over his reply, obviously embarrassed.  
"Well- um, I mean… I've been calling for hours, because Su-Chan hung up on me earlier..." Hiten paused as the girl in the room began laughing uncontrollably. "Raiyuki and Su-Chan sitting in a tree-"

"Tekkei shut the fuck up!"

Jakotsu sat down as he listened to them argue for another moment. He couldn't help but feel more at ease now. Hiten sounded like such a child getting flustered over that song…  
"So, you want to talk to Su-Chan?"

"Well… No." Hiten admitted. "Um…" Now the sounds of traffic issued from behind and Jakotsu assumed he'd gone outside to escape his secretary. Suddenly Hiten began talking very fast, as if the words had just forced themselves from his mouth. "Okay, fine Tekkei was right I wanted to talk to you. I'm sorry, okay? That's what I called to say. I really am sorry for saying such awful things to you. Let's say it was all a lie okay? Bankotsu loves you, I can tell."

"You're an ass."

Hiten sighed, conceding.  
"I know, I know. You can call me what you like. Just… don't cry anymore. Okay?"

"Okay…" Jakotsu shifted a little warily. This apology was not what he'd expected. It seemed that Tekkei girl actually pretty smart… He mumbled his own apology, deciding that Hiten wasn't the only one who'd acted like an ass. "I guess I started it. I shouldn't have had so much to drink. I went and kissed Su-Chan like that…"

"No," the other man insisted, "just- I mean… I'm just sorry, okay? I'll make it up to you, okay?"

"Okay," Jakotsu had said this out of habit. Inside he didn't feel so forgiving, but he had learned that when someone offered an apology it was wrong to refuse it.

"It's just that," Hiten sighed, suddenly sounding even more exasperated. "I freak out sometimes. The things Suzaku does…" Jakotsu waited out the sigh that issued from the other end. It was a while before Hiten spoke again. "He makes me… crazy."

"I noticed…"

Hiten laughed at that blunt retort and Jakotsu couldn't help but join in. It seemed that the tension was clearing now, and he hoped to help it along.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better," he offered, "Su-Chan has been very good today. He has just been lying in bed, telling me stories. He seems happy, even though I know he must feel terrible."

"Terrible? What do you mean? Is he hurt?"

"Oh, no it's nothing like that!" The queen insisted, "It's just a little fever."

"A fever? What the hell…"

"Yeah it's a little strange..."

"What do you mean fever? Suzaku is never sick. Nothing gets him down, not even…" The line went silent, as if Hiten had just come to a startling realization. "Oh fuck…"

"It's just a fever," Jakotsu repeated; clueless, "Shit happens. It's not like it's your faul-"  
"Hey…" Hiten cut him off and the queen found himself completely subdued by the sudden sadness in his voice. "Please tell Su-Chan that I'm sorry. For everything."

"Um, okay…"

"I have to work late tonight, so please don't wait up. Help yourself to anything for dinner."

"Like what? Strawberries?" Jakotsu couldn't stop himself, and Hiten laughed guiltily in reply.  
"Oh yeah, they're Suzaku favorite, so I can't help myself when I see strawberries in the stores... But you can just call out for pizza or Chinese. Su-Chan has my debit card."

"Oh, okay."

"See you tonight."

"Yeah…" Jakotsu stood there, even as the line went dead, deep in thought.  
That had to have been the weirdest conversation he had ever held. Hiten always had that air of superiority about him, but today he wouldn't stop apologizing…  
And what was with the compulsive strawberry buying? What did he hope to accomplish by filling the house with useless, fattening little treats? Surely Suzaku couldn't even eat that much.

And what about this whole Hiten and Bankotsu deal? No way was it really just a bluff! But still… Jakotsu knew it was silly to blame Bankotsu for something he may or may not have done years ago. 'And teenage years at that…' But he couldn't help it! Why hadn't Bankotsu ever mentioned it?!

His brain buzzing with curiosity, Jakotsu finally returned the telephone to the base, switching off the ringer so that Suzaku wouldn't be bothered by it. He wandered back into the kitchen and fetched the now melting bowl of ice cream. He decided to keep it for himself, and fixed Suzaku a separate bowl.

Suzaku sat up happily when he returned, but flinched immediately, apparently in a great amount of pain. "Lie down!" His friend insisted, but he refused. "You… can't eat lying down." the redhead grit out, ignoring the pain as he reached eagerly for the bowl.

"Strawberry!" His emerald eyes lit up as the first spoonful met his mouth. "Mmm!"

Jakotsu watched him dubiously, having a taste of his own ice cream. It wasn't anything special, but Suzaku acted like it was some kind of decadent, sinfully delicious treat.  
"You really like strawberry…" He observed, watching his friend lick the spoon.

"It's better than sex…." Suzaku fake-moaned, shoveling it into his mouth.

"So that's why Hiten buys so much then."  
"Hmmm?" Suzaku paused, curiosity sparkling along with the joy in his eyes. "How'd you know that?"

"Hiten told me. I just spoke to him on the phone."  
"The phone?!" Suzaku looked shocked, as if he had never heard of such an atrocious thing. Apparently it was him that broke it and left it on the floor…  
"I hate that thing. I hope you turned it off when you were done!"

"I did." He assured. "Anyway, Hiten also said to tell you he's sorry."

Jakotsu raised an eyebrow at the way his best friend froze up when he heard those words.  
Suzaku had lifted another spoonful of icecream to his mouth, but then put it back down.  
"Sorry for what…"

For some reason, it seemed like that was not a real question. The tone of Suzaku's voice was virtually nonexistent; not at all curious.

"He didn't say why. He just said to tell you that he's sorry." Jakotsu replied, craning his head to try and meet those listless green eyes. "Do you know why, Su-Chan?"

Suzaku shook his head, setting aside his bowl. Apparently he was done eating.  
"No. Hiten has nothing to apologize to me for…" But even as he said this, Suzaku crawled back beneath his blankets and buried his head in his pillow. It was as if he was suddenly feeling even more ill than before. "What's wrong Su-Chan?"

"I've got a fever," he immediately replied.

"Sorry, I'm being stupid again huh?" Jakotsu said this out of habit. But those miserable green eyes said differently. 'Maybe Hiten said something mean to Su-Chan too?' What could he have said though? It had to have been something awful… 'Maybe the same thing he said to me?'

"Hey Su-Chan?"  
Suzaku turned to raise an eyebrow at him. "What?"  
"You think Hiten ever fucked with Bankotsu?"

He frowned at the look on his best friend's face. Suzaku definitely knew more than he was letting on. "I don't real-" Jakotsu cut across him, recognizing that tone. "Don't lie to me Su-Chan. Honestly, tell me what you think."

"I don't think anything," Suzaku sighed, "I try not to think about those things…"  
Those green eyes were avoiding his, and so the queen sat on the bed, beside his best friend.  
His heart was aching again, and maybe Suzaku could sense that in his voice. "Did Ban-Chan love Hiten? Were they sleeping together all along and I was just too dumb to notice?"  
He tried not to imagine that possibility, but it still made his eyes burn. Suzaku was silent, probably too scared to talk. Hiten had said that it was all a lie, brought on by his own jealousy.

_'He makes me crazy.'_

Hadn't Jakotsu heard something very similar from Bankotsu himself?

_'It makes me crazy, to think of you with someone else…'_

"They're both fucking hypocrites." Jakotsu growled, "Both Bankotsu and Hiten had the nerve to tell me not to touch you!" Suzaku startled at this new information, but apparently he wasn't impressed. "I don't care. I'm not going to worry about it anymore."

"But they kept this from us!"  
"That's okay."  
"It's not okay!" Jakotsu put his hands to his face to hide his humiliation, wishing he could grab hold of Bankotsu and scream at him instead. "He's my Aisuru! It's not okay for him to be with anyone else! It's not okay for him to even think of anyone else! And it's not okay for him to keep secrets about who he's fucked with!"

"You sound just like Hiten…"

Jakotsu fumed, glaring over at his best friend. "I do not."  
"You do too." Suzaku sighed, "I think you and Hiten were born to hate each other cuz you're just too damn similar!"  
"Liar!"  
"You are too!" The redhead argued, "You keep butting heads with him because you keep chasing after the same guy Hiten wants!" Suzaku sighed, rolling his eyes as the queen pointed a dramatically accusing finger at him. "So you admit Hiten wants Bankotsu!"

"I didn't say that."  
"Yes you did!"  
"No, I was talking about myself not Ba-" Suddenly Suzaku's breath hitched and he closed his eyes, apparently in a great amount of pain.  
"What's wrong?" Jakotsu asked again. He reached out, but Suzaku dodged. "Don't touch…"  
"Why? Are you hurting?"  
"No."

But even as he said this, Suzaku's hands automatically clamped down over his ears. He looked like he was trying to shut out some kind of noise that didn't exist…

"Su-Chan, What's wrong?"  
"Nothing!" the stubborn redhead insisted, turning away. Jakotsu sighed, giving up his conquest for answers. "I'm sorry for stressing you out when you already have a fever…"

"No Ja-Chan." Suzaku put his hands down, apparently calm now. "This is all my fault anyway…"

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing…" Suzaku still refused to look at him, but now the tone in his voice was soft and reverent. He sounded… content. "I've decided not to worry about whatever relationship Bankotsu and Hiten had. What's done is done."

That was obviously Suzaku's final say in the matter. Jakotsu wondered how he could be so suddenly confident, but decided not to ask. Suzaku would probably not explain anyway…  
The queen stood then, stacking the two icecream bowls. "I'll go and wash these..."

"Okay. I'll see you later then Ja-Chan."  
"Do you need anything else?" He offered, but Suzaku shook his head. "Just sleep."  
"Should I turn out the lights then?"

"Yes, please," came the quiet reply. Jakotsu made to leave, but paused, spotting a little red ball of feathers on the floor. He lifted Kotori and handed it over to Suzaku, who accepted it with a smile. "Awe, thanks Ja-Chan..."

"Goodnight Su-Chan." His best friend leaned right over and pressed the sweetest kiss to Suzaku's forehead. Suddenly he didn't want him to leave, even though he knew it was best. 'I love you so…' he wanted to say. Those gentle, affectionate hands radiated the very same sentiment, but Jakotsu soon had to take his leave. He closed the door quietly behind himself, bowing out of the room.

Suzaku immediately dropped the act when the sound of those footsteps faded.  
"Itai…" He mumbled, burying his head in the pillow. Everything hurt. His head was pounding and spinning at the same time. His heart had raced when Jakotsu mentioned talking to Hiten, but then it twisted up at the mention of Bankotsu. Just being conscious was a miserable state for Suzaku. He knew very well that this fever was a result of getting too hot and heavy with Hiten, but that was the least of his problems. It seemed that the symptoms of his illness were finally cropping back up again. He could hear voices that didn't belong to anyone he knew. Surely both Hiten and Jakotsu would be freaked out if they ever knew. It was so scary. He couldn't possibly admit…

**_"You're so dishonest."_** A voice in his head teased.  
"Shut up."  
His hands gripped his smooth red hair as he pushed his fingers against his temples. The pain of the headache was easy to massage away, but the voice only multiplied. His symptoms had suddenly worsened. What had the doctor called that again? 'A trauma-induced relapse? I guess I should take my pills…'

**_"Hey now! We're here to keep you company!"_**  
**_"You are so ungrateful. Stubborn, stubborn ChibiSu…"_**

"Don't call me that."

**_"Why not, ChibiSu?"_**  
**_"You haven't changed at all."_**  
**_"You're still just a little birdie in a cage."_**  
**_"Except now Hiten owns you instead of dear Oto-San…"_**

Suzaku stood immediately, ignoring the burning pain this caused. "That's enough."  
With that said he stalked right off into the bathroom, snatched up one of his pills and promptly chased it down his throat with a full glass of water. At the very least it would help him to fall asleep.

**_"You think it's that easy?"_**  
**_"Running away again?"_**  
**_"Even if you refuse to face it, we remember everything."_**

"I don't care."  
Suzaku crawled right back into bed, burying his face into Hiten's pillow. 'He needs to hurry up and come back home. Distract me like he always does…'

**_"It's funny when you put it that way."_**  
**_"He doesn't even know that you're using him."_**

"All's fair in love and war."  
Green eyes slid shut and he focused only on that scent; only on Hiten.

_'I belong to you too.'_  
_'I've never once lied to you.'_  
_'Lover is fine. Makes you smile so we'll leave it at that.'_

'It's okay,' He kept telling himself. None of it mattered. 'I can get over it.' No matter how painful or completely humiliating, he could weather any kind of trauma if it meant Hiten would still be his. Surely, from the outside, Suzaku must have looked like quite the victim, but he knew that was not the truth. He was very ill, and had been that way before Hiten had ever even touched him. That was the source of his true sorrow.

If anything Hiten was the source of his only solace.  
Loving Hiten meant having a purpose. Earning his love meant having something to strive toward. Suzaku didn't worry about finishing his education or finding a job. He had no friends in America or even an actual place in society, since he usually preferred to stay in the house. But that was okay. Like his mother, he did not mind being a trophy wife. He was comfortable at home, resting in his lover's bed. It was safe and comfortable. Hiten did all of the cooking. Hiten took care of the laundry and chores and would even carry him to bed if he asked.

_'Suzaku, I just want what you want.'_  
Perfect. How lucky that Hiten had no idea of just how perfect his ambitions could fit with Suzaku's own desires. Things were definitely looking up. All Suzaku had to do now was carefully get back on schedule with his pills and teach his Hiten to play the perfect role of 'lover,' just like they'd agreed.

'That's right. This is good. It'll be fine.' He kept reminding himself. But as Suzaku drifted to sleep, those voices continued to whisper; haunting. They knew the truth. They knew ever dirty little secret and every ounce of pain he was trying to run from. Locked away with them were his memories of the worst, most shameful secret he had tried so desperately to bury.

**_"Oto-san…"_**

Those green eyes flashed in his mind. Powerful, warm arms; controlling and dangerous.  
But when he tried hard enough Suzaku could imagine he was Hiten instead. He thought back, allowing those wretched things known as memories to fill his mind and pictured himself right back at that clinic. Angel's smile. White lab coats. His Hiten sat across from him with that tray of colorful sweets, discussing the importance of always speaking with honesty. How noble. At some point his cute nose crinkled up a bit, like he really did detest the little pink cupcake Suzaku had asked for._ 'I hate strawberry.'_

How ironic. Suzaku smiled as he thought of those dancing, fiery eyes, the only type of chocolate he'd ever been able to stomach.

"And I hate chocolate."  
'Just as completely as I love you.'

* * *

(AN2: There you have it! 100,000 words! Congratulations! Pat yourself on the back now! While you're at it why not give yourself some strawberry icecream from Hiten's fridge! lol! It's been a pleasure! See you next chapter!

Ps. Leave me a review. Show me some love. Arigatou!

-much love, Kagura)


	22. A Bad Dream

disclaimer  
I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, Suzaku, Hiten or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.  
(Although I wish I did own those adorable, wonderful, super kawaii, sexy little sons of...ahem! anyways)  
I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.  
I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.  
- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

**Not For All The World**

**Chapter Twenty-Two: Nothing More Than A Bad Dream**

* * *

**  
(AN: READ THIS AN!** I am aware that some readers like to skip ANs, but this chapter requires a fair bit of 'Heads up!' Firstly, this chapter begins in flashback mode and is set nine years in the past. It offers a rare glimpse into Suzaku's childhood. As such, I must also warn that this glimpse is intended to inform, not to amuse. The following content is not, not, **not** for the faint of heart! Mature audiences only please.)

* * *

"It was nothing more than a bad dream.

Life is what you make it, or so they say. Reality is just the same. None of this really happened. It was all just a stupid nightmare. That is so, as long as I believe it is."

Suzaku snapped his diary shut, pleased with the way his newest entry had turned out. He stole a glance at the clock as he stowed the little book beneath his bed, along with his stuffed rabbit and bear. "Oto-san shouldn't be awake yet." Luckily it was very early. He'd have two whole hours to prepare for school, and he'd need every moment of it to make sure everything was perfect for this very special day.

It was his birthday. His eleventh, to be exact.

And this birthday was special.  
In all of his years he had not even once had the courage to profess his feelings for any of his numerous schoolboy crushes. But now that was going to end, because this newest crush was not like the others. This one had grown into love… 'Raiyuki Hiten: My true love' His heart sang just thinking about it! He hopped out of bed, feeling lighter than air, and carefully he pulled on his uniform, making sure that there was not a single crease in the perfect fabric. Mama had ironed it, as usual. He smiled as he thought of her. Mama had laughed last night, when he asked her about love. 'Write him a love letter!' she had advised. Mama didn't even care that he liked a boy. She giggled about 'puppy love', and 'phases' and went right along helping him to create the perfect love letter.

Once his uniform looked perfect, Suzaku crawled under his bed and retrieved a little red envelope. Inside was tucked his first ever love letter. He tucked it safely into his pants pocket and headed on his way. Now all he had to do was brush his hair and leave home early enough to beat Hiten to the locker room!

Silently he snuck out of his bedroom and into the hallway. How strange that the lights were all off. Usually Mama left the hallway light on at least… 'Hope Oto-san is not up.'

Suzaku hurried into the bathroom, but almost tripped because the room was so dark. "Stupid thing," he grumbled, crawling up onto the counter to tighten the lightbulb. Immediately the room brightened up, but as he made to climb down, the door to the bathroom swung closed behind him. "ChibiSu!"  
Suzaku tried not to show his grimace as he mimicked his father's affectionate smile.  
"Happy birthday!" The taller, mirror image of himself sang. Suzaku hated to admit it, but everyone said he'd be exactly like father once he'd reached adulthood. Father was devilishly handsome, quick witted, and always got what he wanted…

"Where's Mama?'" Suzaku wondered, trying to sound curious. 'Please don't tell me I'm alone with you…'

"I sent her off on errands, of course!" Father was laughing as he said this, but Suzaku was not the least bit amused. "On my birthday?"  
"What day could be better than this to have that stupid wench out of the house?"

"None I guess…" Suzaku bowed to his father as he made to leave the room, "You can use the bathroom first," he offered, but the grinning adult reached out immediately to stop him. "ChibiSu and Kujaku should always be together. That's why I bought you such a huge spa for a bathtub."

"I'm done in here," Suzaku lied, trying to shake those persistent hands off. "And I have to go finish my homework…"

"No you don't!" His father laughed, yanking the redhead away from the door. "It's your birthday ChibiSu, why should the birthday boy have to bother going to school?"

"But I want to go!" Suzaku bowed his head again, immediately apologizing for that outburst. "Forgive me, Oto-San…"

"I thought I told you not to call me that."

Suzaku met those suddenly angry green eyes, conceding. "Kujaku…"

"That's a good boy," His father praised as he leaned down to unbutton the front of Suzaku's uniform. "You know, no one else is allowed to call me by my first name. Not even your mother…"

"Why not?" Suzaku knew he was supposed to ask this. This was just another game. Everything was a game to the cruel, overly-controlling older version of himself… "Because she is not special enough." Kujaku explained, pulling something from his pocket. "Here you go, ChibiSu, I've bought this just for you!" He pressed the small, clear bottle into Suzaku's hands.

"Know what it is?"

"No," Suzaku lied, trying not to even glance at his 'gift.' Kujaku ran a hand through his long red hair, giving him a searching look. "Yes you do," he decided, "but it's so cute of you to play along. This is what we call chocolate-flavored lubricant."

"Why would I want something like this?"

Father grinned wickedly as he elaborated. "For that boy you're hoping to cheat on me with."

Suzaku startled, immediately trying to leave the room, but those strong arms caught him again. "You're so stubborn…" his father sighed, gathering a fistful of Suzaku's long red hair so he couldn't escape. "You know, I remember when you were younger and so much quieter..." Kujaku yanked, and the younger redhead whimpered as he was forced to sit down on his father's lap.  
"I liked you better then," he muttered, petting Suzaku's head as if he were a cat, "You were such a good little boy. Each year you got only a little taller but so much more beautiful."

"Please don't…" Suzaku tried to pull away, but his father only responded by yanking harder on his hair. "Be still ChibiSu! Don't know how you became such a disobedient little brat." Kujaku snatched the clear bottle from his hands, looking it over. "We shall test this out and make sure it's good enough for my little prince." He stood then and carried his son over to the bathtub, carelessly dropping Suzaku into the marble basin. The impact would probably leave bruises on the poor boy's knees, but he didn't care.

Passive aggressive was Kujaku's middle name.

"Go on and finish undressing, my sweet little Sparrow."

"No."

Kujaku paused, in the middle of lifting his own shirt off over his head. "You say that like you actually have a choice," he mused, "Never mind. I'll just do it for you."

Suzaku watched Kujaku plug up the bathtub. The hot water crashed and swirled, singing his feet.  
"This is for your own good, ChibiSu," his father informed, "I simply will not tolerate my son prancing about like some lovestruck whore. It makes me sick. That you'd even think of letting one of those filthy schoolboys defile your flawless body when you belong entirely to me!"  
"But I didn't…" Suzaku whimpered, unable to recoil from the powerful hands that gripped him then.  
"Let us see about that little Sparrow." "No, please…" "Silence!"  
Suzaku obeyed, shivering with intense fear. The steam rose up as his body was shoved down. His clothes were instantly soaked and ruined, but father made sure to retrieve the little red letter before forcing Suzaku's pants down to his knees.

"This is just too precious!" He said that, but his teeth were grit and he wasn't even pretending to smile as he ripped the envelope open and perused the letter. His father's voice was so confusing. If Suzaku hadn't known better, he would have thought that sarcastic tone was amused joviality.

"Dearest Raiyuki-kun," Kujaku read, "You don't know me. I'm just some boy in your class who can't stop thinking of you. My heart flutters when I see you walk by. You're the cause of the electric excitement in my chest and the butterflies in my stomach. It's been three years already, and I know there'll be a million more. I loved you before I met you, and I'll love you even if we never meet again. I didn't sign this letter because I don't need an answer. Just for you to know you're the reason that I breathe."

Kujaku crumpled up the letter and dropped it into the water. "How sweet ChibiSu. But oh, so naïve. In reality, only women give love letters, because women are not intelligent. Understand?"

"Yes Oto-san…"

"Try again," Father growled, yanking Suzaku's hair until he turned and faced him.

"Yes, Kujaku."

"Much better. You should know, ChibiSu, that someone as beautiful as you deserves an older, more capable partner. Now pay careful attention little Sparrow, and I'll show you the correct way to please a man."

"No, no…" Suzaku whimpered, but Kujaku only held tighter. Those fingers were cold and uncomfortable between his legs. "Be a good boy ChibiSu. Mama will be mad at you if there's any marks for her to see. She already knows its your fault for making me like you best…"

"I didn't!"

"Lying is bad, ChibiSu. Now be still so there won't be any marks."

Suzaku stared down into the water as the tears began to well up in his eyes. Carefully he forced his mind to take him somewhere else. Somewhere safe… 'This is just a dream, that's all. Just another nightmare…' He thought only of those chocolate brown eyes and the colorful braces that shown whenever his beloved crush smiled. Raiyuki Hiten was always, always smiling. Real, genuine joy, unlike the fake, sadistic grin of Midari Kujaku…

"Hiten…" Suzaku whispered to himself; entranced. The water had already risen higher, but he couldn't even feel it anymore. Carefully he bowed before Oto-san, with his eyes screwed shut. In his mind it was Hiten's powerful hands that guided his movement. That long black hair tickled his shoulders as the wretched taste of chocolate teased his lips. Bittersweet, like dreams always were… The tears on his face didn't register and neither did anything else. He was already somewhere far away, in someone else's arms. Those possessive hands traced over every curve. "Put it in your mouth, Chibisu," his Father's voice instructed, "and use your tongue, not your teeth." Suzaku obeyed, mechanically; automatically. The better his performance, the sooner this nightmare would end. "Perfect."

Those hands were gentle now, stroking affectionately; encouraging. "I don't see why you bother even thinking of anyone else Chibisu," Kujaku whispered, "No one will ever love you like I do."

'I know.'

* * *

---

* * *

Disgusting. Defiled. Suzaku knew what he truly was, but not even such dreadful, nightmarish occurrences could destroy what he felt for that boy with the chocolate eyes. Carefully he nurtured that tiny little flame of hope; wishing, praying that one day his beloved Hiten would finally love him in return. The years flew by, as if chased on the wind; soaring. Somewhere along the way, that illness set in, and Suzaku thought he had lost himself. And when those emerald eyes blinked open again he did indeed find his life had been flipped onto its head.

He didn't remember how or why, but only knew that Oto-San… was gone.

For eighteen years he had lived, never knowing a single day without those powerful arms around him, and then suddenly found himself vindicated yet alone. But what was the point? Fifty broken alarm clocks later, perhaps a hundred ripped telephone cords, and the horrid memory of that blood bathing his hands, and yet he still had not managed to obtain the one thing he wanted...

'Hiten.'

Tonight Suzaku lay in that very man's bed, knowing nothing but bitter regret.  
He was sorry. Sorry for ever having met his own father. Sorry for coaxing Hiten into bed with him without so much as a first date. Sorry for kissing Jakotsu; evoking his lover's jealous rage. And sorry, most of all, for surviving Hiten's hands around his neck.

If Hiten didn't love him, he may as well have put Suzaku out of his misery. It was so painful to think that tomorrow he'd have to wake to those chocolate eyes and that body he just could not stop wanting. Suzaku felt just as dirty as his father; chasing love despite the pain and desiring intimacy without true substance.

'I miss you so…' It was so dark. Suzaku lay still, ignoring the persistent burning between his legs and carefully ensured that each purple bruise was covered up before he even dared try to fall asleep. Otherwise someone might get a glimpse of the shameful truth within…

* * *

"Whatcha got there?"

Jakotsu had looked up from his dinner as the front door slid open. Hiten stepped over the threshold, dropping the many heavy bags he was carrying. "Shit," was his only reply. The queen watched him curiously as he made to gather them up into a pile and then left again only to return with more bags and a large black briefcase. From one of these bags he extracted a large red box and placed it right in front of Jakotsu on the table. "For me?" the cross dresser stared down at it, confused. Hiten didn't say anything, but he did pile three more boxes on top of the first. Each was a different color and of a different size. "Didn't know which one you'd like…"

Painted red nails traced over the fancy font on each box as Jakotsu examined his gifts. "Chocolatier?"

"The Gourmet Chocolate shop at the mall."

Onyx eyes widened as Jakotsu ripped open one of the boxes. "You mean that place with the chocolate that costs like fifty bucks just for a tiny box of it?!" Sure enough, the pieces looked more like art than food. White chocolate seashells, chocolate dipped raspberries and smooth chocolate rose petals… "It's beautiful…"

Hiten dodged his gaze, but Jakotsu could tell he was smiling; obviously very embarrassed. "Hiten, this much must have cost like hundreds of dollars…"

Again Hiten didn't answer, but he did place a glass of milk in front of the wide-eyed queen before busying himself with the other things he'd bought. Tentatively Jakotsu placed one of the rose petals on his tongue and let it melt. Suddenly he sympathized with Suzaku's insane love for strawberries. "Oh my gawwd it is better than sex!"

Hiten only shook his head.

"I need a rich boyfriend…" Jakotsu mumbled, choosing a blackberry next.

"It's the thought that counts, haven't you ever heard that saying?"

Jakotsu grinned wickedly, "Thoughts don't get me off. Need something I can stick inside…"  
He licked his fingers as he said this and for the first time Hiten sincerely wished his Suzaku were just a bit more like Jakotsu. "He doesn't give a shit about gifts…"

"Su-Chan, you mean?"

"Yeah." Hiten turned away and began to organize the rest of the groceries. Most of them appeared to be cans of chicken noodle soup. "Why'd you buy so much soup?" The queen wondered, and Hiten shrugged. "Well you said Su-Chan is sick…"

"Awe, how sweet," Jakotsu teased, snickering as Hiten's embarrassment doubled.

"Whatever," he dodged, retrieving his briefcase. Shoving the groceries out of the way, Hiten then proceeded to the back of the house, calling behind himself. "Night your highness."

Sliding the bedroom door open, Hiten watched as the hallway light flooded in, casting a dim glow so that he could see where he was going. Absently he dropped his briefcase near the closet and snuck silently over to the bed. There was an angel sleeping there, stretched out across the sheets. Only halfway concealed by the bedcovers, Suzaku lie almost completely still, his breathing slow and even. His long red hair was free of all ties and constraints, just the way Hiten wanted it. He lie in Hiten's bed, right where he wanted him…

Immediately Hiten noticed the thick silver bracelets on his wrists. 'Covered up all of those bruises… Su-Chan, why didn't you tell me it was this bad?'

Suzaku was such a liar. Just that morning he swore he was okay and refused to let Hiten stay home and care for him. 'What was that about?' Why would he want to be alone all day with no one to take care of him? That bubble-headed Jakotsu would not know how to care for Suzaku, even if he wanted to, so why hadn't Suzaku just told Hiten that he was feeling sick? Why had he insisted he go into work?

'You didn't want me to see how bad I hurt you?'

That was so terrible to consider. Yet still his abused little angel slept on that very same bed, as if nothing had ever happened. There were few visible bruises and no blood stains; the evidence was almost completely gone. Now that Hiten thought about it, he realized that the black sheets on the bed had even been washed. Undoubtedly Suzaku had gone to great lengths to ensure that no one would ever know what had happened. Surely he'd never even mention it again.  
Last night would just fade away, like the nightmare it was. But now Hiten wondered just how many nights Suzaku had erased like that; expertly hidden dirty, bloody secrets…

Hiten frowned at that beautiful, sleeping form, wishing he could know the rest of those secrets. Suzaku stirred slightly and a fretful noise escaped his lips. 'How strange.' Usually Suzaku slept so peacefully but tonight he looked troubled. He turned in his sleep, mumbling something that sounded a lot like "don't." Not even in unconsciousness could the poor thing feel safe…

"It's alright, Su-Chan." Hiten's fingers gently met those red-velvet locks and instinctively he began to stroke his lover's body, smoothing and comforting. "I am here for y-"  
"Don't touch me!" Suzaku had suddenly startled awake. He recoiled from Hiten's touch as if it had burned him; looking absolutely terrified. But once he was more aware of his surroundings he calmed back down.

"Oh, sorry," The redhead mumbled, meeting his boyfriend's affronted glare. "Thought you were someone else…" But even as those quivering pink lips confessed this Hiten suspected his partner was lying. "Like who?" He asked, but immediately he regretted that moment of distrust. Suzaku turned away, burying his beautiful face in the pillows as he uttered only one word.  
"Oto-San…"

Hiten didn't dare inquire further. This was the first he'd even heard Suzaku mention his father, and now Hiten began to understand why the redhead looked so terribly ill. 'Why the hell would your father be in bed with you?' He wanted to ask but couldn't. Hiten had to try very hard to chase off the images that were trying to invade his mind. Suddenly he realized that he hated this 'Oto-San', even though they'd never met. 'My poor Su-Chan.' His heart twisted up painfully and he thought he might be sick. Was this what Suzaku himself was feeling at that moment? "I'm nothing like him." Hiten had said this automatically. What else could he say to this shivering, miserable angel? "I know…" was Suzaku's murmured reply, but Hiten got the distinct feeling those words were not sincere.

Gingerly Hiten leaned closer, but his partner flinched involuntarily. His heart ached as that perfect body froze up beneath his touch. 'Don't…' those terrified green eyes begged. Suzaku was actually shivering. He had sat up with Hiten, but soon could not even manage to look him in the eye. "Su-Cha-"

"I'm sorry!" Suzaku whimpered; ashamed, as if it were actually his fault. He had his face in his hands and seemed to be trying to steel himself, but his body just would not obey.

"It's okay..." Hiten carefully maintained a gentle, soft-spoken approach, but moving closer to the trembling redhead only upset him more. "Don't, don't…" he finally whispered, shrinking away as Hiten tried again to comfort him. 'What am I supposed to do then?' The emotions that swelled within him were very new to the usually suave, totally in control Hiten. Now he was witnessing, firsthand, the consequences of actions he had never even meant to take; the product of his uncontrolled fury. Usually he would just get annoyed with Suzaku and snap at him, but now that was completely out of the question. This new Suzaku was not timid and nonsensical. He was terrified and hesitant, for very good reason. The fact that he _was_ that reason introduced pain that Hiten had never even imagined. His entire body literally ached with the guilt and regret… It hurt to breathe.

He spoke quietly, kindly and resolutely; offering the relief Suzaku obviously needed.  
"I'm going to leave. Okay, Su-Chan?"  
But the words had scarcely left his mouth before Suzaku reacted. "No!" Those insistent arms were around Hiten's neck before he could even try to move. "Please don't go…"

"Alright." Hiten gently returned that insistent embrace, holding his miserable lover as close as he could. Finally, at least they could touch. The warmth of their joined chests was so reassuring, yet Suzaku was still shivering. He was terrified, but of what, Hiten could only guess. 'Does he think I'd hurt him again? Maybe…'

"I'm sorry, Su-Chan." It probably came out sounding like a programmed response, but he'd been dying to say it. "Yesterday was a mistake," he promised, nuzzling his miserable sincerity against that beautiful face. "It won't happen again. Ever."

Suzaku responded slowly, pulling away so he could look his lover in the eye. Maybe he believed Hiten's words, maybe not… "I love you, Hiten." He began to lean closer, encouraging more contact, but Hiten was still sharp enough to notice the involuntary flinch when he made to kiss those frowning pink lips. Suzaku was so stubborn. He climbed right up onto Hiten's lap, forcing himself, fighting against his own body. He desperately wanted be touched, just like before. But now there was unmistakable fear in those affectionate caresses…

"You don't have to force yourself, Su-Chan. This is my fault. I'll fix it."  
Suzaku shrugged, as if to say 'Don't bother.' "It's been awhile," the redhead confessed, "but things like that… they used to happen to me all the time."

'So that's why Suzaku plays it off so well…'  
How horrid. It was no wonder Suzaku was such an incurable liar if he hadn't even been able to trust his own parents. Hiten kissed him, almost automatically. "Never again," he promised, but Suzaku pretended not to care. "Come here." The redhead leaned insistently back, trying to pull Hiten on top of himself. "Come," he begged, "lie down and hold me like you used to…"

Hiten squeezed him, feeling even more guilty as his hands gripped this flawless form. 'Incredible.' Suzaku still wanted to be held, even after these hands had pinned him down and hurt him so terribly. 'Always.' Suzaku always wanted to be held. As if that would solve anything…

"I'll be better for you, Su-Chan," Hiten promised, "you don't deserve to be treated like that."  
"It doesn't matter." Suzaku assured. "Come here." He pulled insistently, so Hiten obliged and fell forward, laying in his comforting embrace. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" he couldn't stop whispering these words. Inside he felt so wretched, undeserving of this gentle warmth, but Suzaku only kissed him, forcing him to stop apologizing. "I'll be fine."

Those simple words astonished Hiten. How could this man still be so trusting? It was apparent that Suzaku had been abused and abandoned by nearly everyone he'd ever loved. 'Except Jakotsu of course…' Hiten grimaced as he realized this, hating himself for having separated Suzaku from the only one who'd always treated him with the gentle affection he deserved.  
"You can go sleep with Jakotsu," he offered, but Suzaku refused outright.

"I don't want him."

Hiten sighed as he lie there, feeling hopelessly lost. Their bodies were pressed together but unfortunately their minds were worlds apart. "I don't understand you, Su-Chan." He admitted. It wasn't the first time he'd said that, and it definitely wouldn't be the last. But Suzaku did not attempt to explain himself. He only smiled, as if he had been expecting his love to say that.

"What do you want from me?" Hiten nuzzled closer to his beautiful angel, breathing the scent of the only one who could ever tell him what to do. "I'll do anything if it'll make you feel better…"

Suzaku was silent for a very long time, and if he hadn't been clinging so tightly, Hiten would have assumed he'd fallen asleep. But finally he seemed to decide on how to put his desire into words. "Think of me," those pink lips whispered, "only me, at all times."

"I do!" Hiten sighed, "But all that does is make me feel worse…"

"Perfect."

"What?" Hiten glared at his confusing companion, though it was almost too dark to see.

"You said you don't understand me," Suzaku whispered, "but you do. If you only think of a person who you cant control or understand, then your mind will be filled with constant anxiety. Well that's exactly what my mind is like, because that's what it's like to be in love."

Hiten held him only closer, feeling terribly guilty for the sadness in his sweet little voice.  
"No wonder you're so crazy…" He kissed Suzaku wherever his lips could reach that smooth skin, again and again, feeling just like an animal, licking his beloved's wounds. He felt that there was little else he could do for this precious, suffering creature…

_'No, no wait, Raiyuki-sama, cuz I know just what you should do!'_  
For some reason Hiten couldn't shake off his stubborn secretary's words. He wanted so badly to lessen the pain in the heart of his beloved phoenix. But Suzaku's advice didn't make much sense. 'Be his lover. Think of him all the time? But I already do those things!'  
Tekkei, on the other hand was almost obnoxiously blunt. That stupid woman had actually offered some good advice for apologizing to the wife Hiten didn't truly have…

_'Give her an apology too, followed by hot make-up sex and then hold her close and whisper 'I love you' all night long.'_

Well the apology was already done, and sex was definitely out of the question…

_'Seriously at least try the whispering part. Girls love that!'_

Maybe Suzaku wasn't a girl, but he still seemed the type to appreciate sappy words like that. Hiten suddenly felt embarrassed as he watched that beautiful redhead close his eyes.  
"Hey, Su-Chan?"

Suzaku only mumbled in reply. It was obvious that he was feeling very sick…  
'Do I love him? I shouldn't say it if it's not true…' Hiten hadn't thought of it before, but now, more than ever it seemed so obvious. After all, he could scarcely imagine anything he might care for more than Suzaku. What else mattered? 'Nothing.' But thinking and speaking such things were two different matters entirely. 'And here I thought giving Jakotsu chocolate would be the most humiliating thing I'd have to do tonight…'

Hiten steeled himself, pressing his face into that warm, sweet-scented neck. He could feel the bandaids that covered his own bitemark, and squeezed Suzaku still tighter, wishing he could will the pain to disappear from this delicate body. "Didn't you say you wanted to be my 'lover'?"

"Yeah…"

"Well you already are."

"What do you mean?"

"Just that… I think I already love you."  
For a moment Suzaku seemed frozen. Those thin arms finally squeezed him back, but Hiten startled when he realized that Suzaku was shaking, as if he might cry. "What's wrong? I thought you'd be happy…"

"I am," those quivering lips whispered, "but Hiten, I'm very sick..."

"Don't worry," Hiten sat up immediately, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "I bought soup and Ibuprofen too."

"But Hiten-"

"No buts! I'm staying home now. I'll take care of you."  
With that said, Hiten stood and Suzaku watched him leave. 'Love? For me?' Suzaku could hardly believe his ears. A flame of hope had just sparked to life in his chest. This room was just as dark and lonesome as ever but not even the queasy turning of his stomach could make Suzaku desire to be anywhere else.

**_"Is he lying?"_**  
**_"Surely this is too good to be true…"_**

He ignored the voices that were whispering poisonous doubts in his head. 'He'll take care of me…' Well Hiten didn't know the half of this illness. He could feel the high temperature, but was deaf to the voices and immune to the dizzy confusion. Hopefully he would never find out the truth behind this incurable illness…

'Love?'  
Hiten had never used that word outright. He didn't like 'sappy' words like that. It was always 'something like love' or 'it means a lot to me.' And now that Suzaku thought about it, he realized that maybe Hiten wasn't cold, but was trying to avoid telling lies…

_'You probably don't even appreciate it, but I've never once lied to you.'_

"I want him to say it out right then…" Suzaku immediately decided. If Hiten said it aloud then it had to be true.

Suzaku carefully sat up, trying not to hurt himself as his caretaker returned. "I think I already love you?" he whispered, repeating the words he couldn't get out of his head. He accepted the ibuprofen tablets and smiled when he realized that his lover had offered strawberry koolaid instead of water to wash them down. "You only think you love me, Hiten?"

"You can't make anything easy on me," his partner sighed, "can you?"

Suzaku smiled as he downed the little brown pills; the first medicine he'd accepted from someone else's hands for years… "It's just that you never said it before…"

"Well I would have if I knew it meant so much to you."

"What's that mean?"

"It means there's no point in saying things without a good reason. Especially if you haven't thought it over to make completely sure that it's true."

"Well then…" Suzaku lie back down, staring off at nothing. "How long have you loved me?"  
"Fuck if I know," Hiten replied, but he thought it over as he took his place beside his curious partner. They stared up at the ceiling for a few moments, in silence, and suddenly it seemed like they were alone together, on some distant twilit night that was all their own. Reality seemed to fade away, like a bad dream. Hiten marveled at this feeling which only Suzaku could evoke, letting the silence calm his nerves. "How long have I loved you…" He was musing aloud, trying to answer a question that may not have even had a true answer…

Absently Suzaku found his fingers entwining with Hiten's as he let the calm comfort of simply being beside him wash over; like the gentle ebb of a warm tide…

"I've loved you…" Hiten finally replied, "For a long time I guess. It's just that I never stopped and slapped a label onto it."

At this Suzaku started, suddenly wondering about that comforting, affectionate touch he'd always suspected meant something special. "Since the first time we had sex?"

"Hmm… No." was Hiten's very blunt answer, "Must've been before that."

"Really?" Speaking of too good to be true…

But Hiten was serious. He sat up and fixed Suzaku with an incredulous look. "Has to be before that Suzaku. You're a guy…"

"So?"

"So why the fuck would I sleep with a guy if I didn't even care about him?! That kind of shit is what women are for."

Suzaku tried but failed at holding in the snort of laughter that escaped him then. "Wow."  
Was all he could say to that. Did Hiten seriously not notice how badly these things sounded when they came out? It was no wonder he never wanted to use heavy words like love…

"Ja-Chan says it still feels good to have sex with boys you don't love…"

Hiten scoffed. "Yeah well he would know wouldn't he? Fucking nasty…"

"That's not nice..."

Hiten didn't seem to have anything to say to that. Or else he was just restraining himself. His voice made it painfully obvious that he was disgusted.  
"Are you sure Hiten? You really-"

"Yep." Hiten's tone was so flat. It didn't leave any room for doubt, "You would've noticed, because I can't like… finish if it's not someone I love."

"You mean like," Suzaku paused, probably embarrassed at the prospect of saying a word Hiten had never heard from those timid, innocent lips. "Orgasm?"

"Well yeah," Hiten explained, "Did you ever notice how I had so many girlfriends in high school?"

"Yeah…"

"Well that's why. I figured I just needed to find one good enough, so I wound up getting a new one like once a week. But I still never found one that worked."

"Wow," Suzaku seemed amazed, "that must have been hard for you."

"Not really," Hiten shrugged, "the girls loved it cuz I was good in bed, but didn't wind up knocking them up. So sex was more about pleasing them, but for me it was kind of like exercise for when I was bored enough…"

'Wow.' Suzaku was in awe. The pieces were starting to come together. No wonder Hiten was so good with things like back massages and delicious, hour-long foreplay…  
"So you mean that you literally, physically can't have an orgasm unless-"

"Suzaku quit making me repeat myself!" Hiten sighed, exasperated. He was blushing furiously; obviously highly embarrassed. "Making me say all this stupid shit…"

"Sorry," Suzaku smiled as he said that, musing over this very amazing new revelation. But now that he thought about it, he really couldn't recall a time when he and his lover had not both mutually enjoyed climax during any of their past lovemaking sessions. They always made quite a mess…'So Hiten must have loved me first. That's amazing…'

_'pay careful attention little Sparrow, and I'll show you the correct way to please a man.'_

Suzaku had tried so hard to forget those words, and only now did he realize just how badly they'd warped his mind. "So for you to fall in love with me… The sex was not even necessary?"

"Nope. It's the other way around."

"So that first time, you didn't want me to… put out?"

"Guess not," Hiten shrugged, but he paused then, worried that he might've insulted Suzaku, "Don't get me wrong though. I did think you were hot or whatever. I'm just saying, I mean we did kind of rush into things…" Suzaku smiled at that awkward, earnest explanation, nodding so Hiten knew he understood. 'So then sex is not a way to make someone love you.' But that was not so surprising. Everything his father said was probably a lie. Maybe if he worked at it, he could replace those lies with Hiten's words instead. 'If only he would say it more clearly…'

"But Hiten," Suzaku prompted, "you only _think_ you love me?"

Hiten rolled his eyes and his body at the same time, settling himself on top of his frustrating companion. "No," he assured, pressing a kiss to those sweet pink lips. "I definitely love you. Can't even focus on anything else anymore…"

"Oh, Hiten…" Suzaku snuggled into that same powerful, controlling embrace, yet somehow it now felt comforting and protective. "You have no idea how good that makes me feel..."  
It didn't hurt to breathe anymore. Suzaku's pain seemed as if it were slowly fading at Hiten's touch; chased away by the gentle beat of the heart he now knew loved him; really, genuinely loved him...

Hiten however was floored. 'So that useless woman was right?' How such simple words could alter Suzaku's mood like this was beyond him. His formerly miserable partner seemed to finally be at peace. Maybe the two of them would actually get some sleep tonight.

"I love you."

These short, whispered words were nothing, and at the same time everything.  
Those emerald eyes sparkled with renewed life and it seemed like the arms wrapped around him wanted nothing more than to remain there indefinitely. Suzaku was crying. Those steady tears had always made Hiten's chest hurt, but tonight they washed his worries away. Wet kisses and almost inaudible sobs lingered on his lips while the anxiety and guilt faded; as if they truly were…

nothing more than a bad dream.

* * *

-------

Sweet, creamy chocolate dripped onto the floor; wasted, but Jakotsu didn't notice.

He was completely lost in thought, daydreaming about his Aisuru. The white chocolate in his hand had long since melted. It dripped, warm and smooth over his fingers. Liquid pleasure, much like the kind he so loved to elicit from his lover. He licked it absently, recalling the first time he'd tasted that perfect, precious body.

_'It's a selfish waste. You don't let anyone do anything to that perfect body…'_  
His naughty, teenaged self had whispered to his precious Bankotsu. Those beautiful blue eyes reflected his own, swimming with desire. Smooth, heated caramel skin beneath his fingers. Silky, slightly wet hair dripping onto his bare lap…

_'Let me fuck you. I know just what to do to make you feel good…'_

Playful, tempting words teased his troubled, teenaged sweetheart. Bankotsu wanted him just as badly, but refused to give in. He dodged those insistent, hungry kisses and spurned the advances, hating the pleasure his body begged for.

'Not if you don't love me,' that's what his conflicted, would-be lover meant. But soon he'd understood. There was something about the way their bodies felt, pressed together. Something that echoed, dancing with the beat of their hearts and wavering in those lust-filled eyes.

_'I love you too. I've always, always loved you…'_

"Aisuru." That word was a chain around his heart; a brand like the scars across his chest.  
If the sky were to fall over Jakotsu's world, Bankotsu's heart would have been the only thing left in tact. When no other in the world remembered his name, Aisuru would still remember each hue of onyx in his eyes. Yet now, it felt like years since he'd touched that body and kissed those lips. Was it all just a lie? But that couldn't be. If Bankotsu's love for him was not real, than nothing in the world could feel real anymore...

_'I love you, I love you…'_

Those whispers he thought were only his. Those kisses and that warmth. Once upon a time their bodies had melted together just like the chocolate on his fingers…

Everything was tinted red in Jakotsu's eyes. Erotic, sultry… That is how he had always lived. Sex was a way of life. Dirty and shameful or chaste and gentle, there was no difference. It meant he was alive. It meant another human wanted his company and his touch, the tender affection he'd never really known.

Most of his memories of childhood were tightly repressed. Visions of broken beer bottles on the floor, blood on his thighs… shrieking voices sometimes. And that was all. Carefully he had erased each memory and replaced them with that smile and those eyes. In reality his childhood had gone much like Suzaku's, but the two of them would never know they shared the same dirty secrets.

Yet both were healing the same way. Shattered memories lay on the dark carpet. Blood drops and jagged green shards of glass. But carefully those pieces could be reconstructed by the stronger hands of Hiten and Bankotsu.

In the past, sex and love had never been interwoven for Jakotsu. Love may as well have never even existed. Until, of course, his snake-likes eyes had met those sparkling blue ones. Did Bankotsu have any idea? Did he know it was his gentle fingers that reshaped what had been so completely destroyed? His gentle caress that retrained this body that only knew lust and miraculously taught it to love?

'I love you.'

Those tiny words with the power to erase the past, reframe the present and bring hope into the future. Jakotsu starved to hear them. Underneath the perverse smile and tight, sexy feminine attire beat a heart that needed only one thing.

Carefully the cross dresser stood, replacing the top of his chocolate box. That stupid Hiten had forgotten to remove the price tags. "$85 per box…." What did that come up to if he multiplied it by the four boxes? Jakotsu wasn't any good at math, but he knew it was a ridiculous amount to spend on a gift…

'I'm sorry.' Obviously that's what these chocolates were supposed to say to him. The warmth melting on his tongue and the soothing comfort in his stomach were well appreciated, but he had already realized it would be best to just forgive Hiten and let it be. After all even Bankotsu could be cocky and mean like that, and mere words were nothing compared to the abuse Jakotsu had weathered in the past…

He whispered to those chocolates, imagining Hiten could hear the words.

"Well I'm sorry too." Sorry he'd kissed Hiten's Suzaku even though Hiten had kissed his Bankotsu. Sorry the two of them had ever tumbled into the wrong arms. Sorry for the frustration and the newly planted seeds of doubt.

_'He makes me crazy.'_

They were hurting the very same way, for the very same reason…

Each human had a story to tell, a past that would eventually catch up to them, and finally Jakotsu's and Hiten's had collided. Maybe it was inevitable. Maybe it was even better this way.

Coming out of his thoughts, Jakotsu realized that his legs had already carried him to bed.  
The room was dark and silent, just like his forcedly quieted emotions. The cross dresser slid out of his lovely clothing, not even caring enough to put on his pajamas. He lie down, staring absently at the ceiling. Every emotion he'd locked up inside of him was finally resurfacing. The pain could normally be drowned out by meaningless, delicious sex. But now, finally, he had no one to help him silence the misery of reality.

'Time to face the music.' That's probably what others would call this.

He didn't notice until the heated tears began to slide from his eyes, but this kind of wakeup call was what he'd needed all along. 'Karma's a bitch… and so am I.' The tears wouldn't stop, but that hardly mattered. Vaguely he wondered how many times Bankotsu had cried himself to sleep like this.

_'It makes me crazy, to think of you with someone else…'_

"Well Aisuru, now I know how it feels."

'How stupid.' Jakotsu had honestly thought he could run from the past forever. He thought the promiscuous behavior and devil may care attitude would never catch up to him, but now those illusions faded into nothingness. Reality was crashing down and Jakotsu saw his reckless lifestyle for what it truly was. A torturous hellhole he'd flung both himself and his precious Aisuru into. But now it was his choice, whether he would redeem himself or fall back into his bad habits. If he tried hard enough perhaps this could all be forgotten. Perhaps it would fade away like everything else. Fade. Disappear; becoming nothing more than a bad dream.

* * *

(AN2: At the end of this Chapter, Jakotsu recalls words he said to Bankotsu many years ago. The scenes he's recalling are described in my one-shot called 'Aisuru.' So if that scene caused you any confusion, perhaps taking another look at 'Aisuru' will spark your memory. It's a one-chapter story telling the tale of the very special night Bankotsu and Jakotsu fell in love. It also explains the origin of the secret pet name (Aisuru) that they call one another.

Also, a lovely peek into Suzaku and Hiten's first night together is given in the story called "3 More Years." Take a look! That story also features Jakotsu and Bankotsu's blossoming love during their highschool years.)


	23. Intimacy

disclaimer

I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, Suzaku, Hiten or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.

I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.

I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.

- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

* * *

(AN: Welcome back! Did someone order a large helping of fan service?  
I certainly hope so! As always, please read review and enjoy! )

* * *

**Not For All the World  
**

**Chapter Twenty-Three: ****Intimacy**

* * *

Thin, pale lips curved into a smile.

"Ohaiyo, Aisuru." His voice seemed to echo, as if he were far away. But he was right here, sitting at the table. The people around him were smiling too, but that didn't matter. They were nobody, they were nothing. Bankotsu was talking again. He had this cute little habit of toying with his long black braid while he did so. When his hair glinted in the light, it almost looked blue, just like those eyes… "Are you hungry?"

Jakotsu kissed him, ignoring the little sound of shock that escaped those delicious lips.  
Yes, he was hungry. Yes, finally, miraculously he could have the one that he loved!  
Bankotsu didn't seem surprised. He was still smiling as he returned the kiss. Suddenly it seemed like they were the only two people in the world. Bankotsu let himself be laid out on the table, grinning all the while. Removing his clothes was a simple task. That smooth, caramel skin just begged to be worshipped by the hungry red lips against it. Sapphire eyes sparkled, heavy with lust and he gasped when Jakotsu caught one of his nipples between his teeth and writhed against the kisses being trailed down his chest. He was completely unabashed and moaned as those kisses finally found their way between his legs and Jakotsu took him fully into his mouth.

"Oh, yesss…" At this encouragement, Jakotsu clamped down on that caramel rod, working his tongue expertly against the hot, stiffening flesh. His lover ran those insistent fingers through his hair, trying to beckon him closer, and the little butterfly clip fell out with a gentle click but he hardly noticed. The precum tickled the back of his throat as Jakotsu pulled away and reattached his lips to those pale, moaning ones. Bankotsu whined, begging for more as he released him, but only had to wait one short moment. Jakotsu rid himself of his own clothes and moved to crawl up on top of Bankotsu. Carefully he slid downward, lowering himself so that hot, perfectly stiff rod pressed fully inside of him. They kissed again as Bankotsu began to move beneath him, his hips sliding upward to establish a smooth rhythm. And now it was Jakotsu's turn to moan and throw his head back to enjoy the heat of the pleasure between his legs. Firm hands grasped his hips, guiding them down and then back up again as the speed increased. His eyes slid closed as the pressure doubled and the sound of their moans danced along with their sweat-kissed, intimately entwined bodies. Their hips crashed again and again. Bankotsu pulled him back down to kiss the lips that moaned his name as the tension leaked out onto his stomach. Jakotsu shuddered, letting himself paint white onto that heated caramel skin. Oh, how desperately he'd missed his precious, expertly skilled lover who still pounded into him. Finally Bankotsu had reached his limit too. Those dark blue eyes locked with his again, but he moved only faster, deeper. But suddenly, just when Jakotsu thought their lovemaking would end in that perfect, passionate haze, Bankotsu froze.

Jakotsu didn't even have time to brace himself before he was unceremoniously shoved off of his beloved. Bankotsu sat up on the table now with fear in those formerly lust-laden eyes. Jakotsu huffed, pushing himself up and turning toward the source of this rude interruption; Hiten.  
He wanted to yell at the cocky, brazen jock that had sauntered right up to them and ruined their perfect lovemaking session. "Hiten you s-"  
But those chocolate, cat-like eyes couldn't even see him. Bankotsu leaned forward as Hiten bore down on him and their matching tattoos were pressed together. Hiten held that handsome face in his hands now. Their skin was the same tint, even their lips matched in color and shape. Jakotsu bristled as those lips met, but the other men failed to notice. They had closed their eyes and were instantly lost in their kiss. His Bankotsu soon leaned back again, but this time he intended to make love with Hiten instead. Those well-toned, caramel abs pressed against Hiten's almost identical ones and now it was Hiten's name that Bankotsu's sweet voice moaned. The tears obscured his vision as Jakotsu watched in horror. But soon the pain gnashing at his heart became a violent, jealous rage. His hands moved of their own accord, instinctively catching hold of the discarded butterfly pin.

Hiten had been too distracted to protect himself. The sharp silver prongs sank deep into his neck as Jakotsu struck just like the snake he was; vicious and precise. He tumbled painfully to the ground with Hiten beneath him, but Jakotsu felt neither the fall nor the regret of what he'd done. All he felt was the blood; warm and satisfying.

"Stop!"  
Jakotsu barely even heard that desperate plea. Sweet, liquid vengeance spurted out, coating his hands as Hiten choked for breath beneath him but Jakotsu didn't care. He only laughed and stabbed him, again and again. He would stab Hiten a thousand times if he had to, until the pain in those screams echoed the pain in his chest.

"Ja-Chan! Stop!" Jakotsu froze, unable to believe his ears. Bankotsu sat up now, but his long black hair had turned red. Blue eyes melted into emerald green and the color drained from his flawless caramel skin as the tears streamed down his face. 'Suzaku?' Impossible! How could Jakotsu have mistaken Suzaku for his lover? The panicked redhead leaned down, shoving him out of the way as those trembling hands closed over the bloody gashes on Hiten's neck.

"Why?" Those pink lips whimpered as the life drained out beneath his fingers.  
"Why Ja-Chan?" Suzaku cried as he leaned forward, kissed those cold lips and shook the hopelessly lifeless body of his lover. "Hiten, my Hiten!" Su-Chan's voice echoed eerily.

The room spun. It was dark and then bright again, too bright, like staring into the sun. Jakotsu thrashed, rushing forward to try to catch hold of his best friend. But Suzaku had disappeared. Everything had disappeared. There was only that blinding white light; the sun.

Suddenly Jakotsu was sitting up, in another dimension; the real world. He made to catch his breath, his hand clutching his rapidly beating heart as the relief of reality sank in. "It was just a dream," he mumbled to himself. 'Just a dream, just a stupid, harmless dream…'But it had felt so real! His body was still hot, as if it really had been pressed against Bankotsu's and his hands still shook as they had when he'd plunged that pin into Hiten's neck. He remembered the bright red blood and the pain in Suzaku's desperate voice still rang fresh in his ears...

Jakotsu stood from the bed, a little shakily at first and ambled out into the hallway.

He turned then, and his legs carried him to Hiten's bedroom. The door was ajar and he could hear the steady breathing of the men within the room. His curious eyes peeked past the door as he slid it open a little bit. Hiten and Suzaku were fast asleep, despite the bright sun that was leaking in through the window. Those stubborn, tan arms were wrapped possessively around Suzaku even while Hiten slept so soundly. It was as if this stance were their most natural. The two seemed even to breathe in perfect unison as they slept on, oblivious to their silent audience.

Jakotsu let out a sigh of relief as he left them alone, closing the door carefully behind himself so that he wouldn't wake them. This was the way it was supposed to be. He closed his eyes, trying to immortalize that calming image as it chased away the fear and the confusion.

'Everything is okay.'

It was just as Suzaku said. What happened in the past should not matter. Hiten wanted Suzaku now, even when he was unconscious. And Bankotsu wanted Jakotsu himself. That's the way it was supposed to be, even if it hadn't always been so.

_'You can tell me all about what you did to my Su-Chan in college. And fairs fair, I'll tell you all about the fun Bankotsu and I had in high school.'_

That's right. 'Fair's fair and karma's a bitch…' But the past was the past and teenagers were reckless; foolish children that did stupid things '-or rather… stupid people.'  
Jakotsu crawled back into bed, feeling a little bit better. He had cried himself to sleep the past few nights, thinking of Bankotsu with Hiten, and that was probably why he'd wound up having such an awful dream. But now he would rest peacefully. Vaguely his eyes wandered over the photos he'd left on the ground. In more than one of them Bankotsu smiled up at him with those bright, dancing blue eyes. "I love you." That's what those eyes said. Devoid of jealousy or longing for someone else's touch, Bankotsu had always fixed him with that affectionate, unflinching regard.

_'Bankotsu loves you, I can tell…'_

That's what Hiten had said. It was probably the most sincere thing he'd ever uttered over that telephone, along with those constant apologies. 'He sounded so sad when he said that…'  
Obviously Jakotsu wasn't the only one who was hurting from the mistakes others had made in the past. _'It makes me crazy to think of you with someone else.' _It wasn't right that any of them had to worry and fret over something that was impossible to change.

_'I've decided not to worry about whatever those two had. What's done is done.'_

Jakotsu lie against those pink sheets, steeling himself. He'd just have to face the truth. So what if Bankotsu had fucked with Hiten? So what if their handsome bodies looked so perfect pressed together with those powerfully crashing caramel hips? As long as they lived, those symbolic, 'forever' tattoos would still shine on their foreheads just like the secret love hidden deep within their hearts... No matter how much it hurt Jakotsu to admit it, he knew these things could never be changed. The only thing that could be done was to accept the past and try to celebrate the present.

Just as he thought this, Jakotsu's new cellphone began to vibrate on the bed and he turned to look at it. "Alex," he read aloud. Speaking of celebrating… Maybe having a pretty boy visitor or two would make this day a little more enjoyable.

* * *

"Jakotsu can you please keep your freakish faggot friends locked up in the back where they belong?" Hiten sighed, handing a bag of strawberry pocky to the emo kid at the table.  
"Stuff your big mouth with this, stupid zombie-kid. If you wake up Suzaku you are so dead."

"I can't understand a word of your Japanese nonsense." The kid mumbled in English but he went ahead and started munching on his treat. At that moment Jakotsu finally pranced into the room, sporting a ridiculous pink and black dress. "Mou, Hiten! Don't be mean to them. They're here to throw me a goodbye party! I have to leave for Japan soon, you know!"

Hiten waved his arms frantically, trying to get him to stop talking so loudly. "Shut up about that! If Su-Chan hears you he's gonna-"

"Oh my god, Ja-Chan!" One of the teenagers interrupted, leaning across the table to try to touch Jakotsu's newly curled hair. "You look so delicious with your candy curls!"  
The queen giggled, batting his sparkling eyelashes. "You are so much cuter Alex…"  
"Say my name again," Alex purred, his pocky forgotten, but Jakotsu only laughed as he stood and hurried back to his room. Luckily the two 'zombies' at the table followed along, chasing after his trailing pink ribbons.

'They kind of look like… Satan's pet kittens.' Hiten mused. But he would just have to deal with them for today. He owed at least this much to the cross dresser he'd tormented… Jakotsu had gotten all upset over the prospect of his precious Bankotsu being with Hiten. But strangely enough, Jakotsu had then gone and invited those perverted emo kids over to cheer himself up! Had he still not learned his lesson about keeping his hands to himself? Not that it was any of Hiten's business…

"Whatever, as long as they don't wake-"

"What's with all the noise?"

Hiten sighed, ushering the bleary-eyed redhead over to the table.  
"Good morning, Su-Chan. Are you hungry?"

"It's not morning…" Suzaku mumbled, lying his head on the table. He looked like he might be sick to his stomach, so he was probably not up for food after all. Suzaku continued talking, but his hands were pressed too tightly over his face for the words to make any sense. 'Kind of seems like he's talking to himself…'

"You okay?" Hiten wondered.

"Yeah…" It was a very automatic, insincere response. Hiten put a hand to his forehead and wasn't surprised when Suzaku swatted it away. "I'm fine," he insisted, "make me breakfast?"

"It's lunchtime, Pet."  
He turned anyway and went to work on that request. "I'll just make you a light soup."  
Suzaku didn't complain. His beautiful head rested listlessly on his thin pale hands and those green eyes stared off at something far away. It was strange. He didn't have a fever anymore, but had scarcely left his room for days. Hiten was forced to maintain a hectic work schedule in preparation for the fast-approaching trip to Japan, and so had scarcely had time to even talk to his strangely behaving lover. Whenever questioned, Suzaku would insist that he was okay, and was quick to become irritated with further questioning. Of course, however, Hiten recalled that his lover had always been the quiet type, preferring to keep his thoughts to himself. Or perhaps he was merely preoccupied with whatever was going on in his head. 'Sorry, my mind goes a mile a minute.' That's how Suzaku had described it. But lately he seemed even more out of it than usual. It was starting to worry Hiten… "Su-Chan, have you been eating properly?"

Suzaku didn't seem to have heard this question. He pulled out his little stuffed bird and stared at it for a moment, as if he were studying it. "Kotori grants wishes and…" those pink lips trailed off again but then formed a coherent sentence. "I'm thirsty…"

"Here then." Hiten placed a glass of ice cold water in front of him and watched his lover with interest. Suzaku sat up and eyed the glass for a moment but when he reached out, he caught hold of Hiten's hand instead and wouldn't let go. He lie back down then, pressing Hiten's fingers against his face. "Nevermind, I just want you instead…"

"Your soup's going to burn…."  
As if those listless eyes cared…

"Ne, Hiten…"

"What?"

"Do you still love me?"

"Su-Chan, why would you ask something like that?" Hiten lifted that miserable face in his hands, but Suzaku dodged. "Nevermind…"  
"No, tell me."

The redhead finally turned to meet his gaze, and for a moment Hiten thought Suzaku might kiss him. Those glossy pink lips just barely stopped short and the gentle warmth of his whisper tickled pleasantly. "Seems like it's been forever since we…" The rest of the words melted into something that sounded more like a whimper.  
'Kissed?' Hiten instinctively closed the distance between himself and his troubled lover, wondering as he tasted those plump, strawberry lips. 'or fucked?' Would Suzaku actually want that? The memory of that blood still plagued his mind, so Hiten had purposely stopped initiating physical intimacy. They had not even kissed for days. The last thing Hiten wanted was to come on too strongly and scare his sensitive partner, even though it was frustrating to be close to Suzaku without touching him. At present those eager lips were responding; encouraging and he wanted very much to lose himself in the heat of this moment. However, Hiten realized it would not be very kind of him to throw his lover onto the table and rip his clothes off…

"Awe, isn't that sweet?" Jakotsu tittered, giggling as his roommates pulled apart in their embarrassment. The two 'kittens' followed him into the kitchen, gathering around the table to greet Suzaku, and Hiten took that opportunity to slip away under the pretense of making lunch.

"Feeling better today, Su-Chan?" The queen asked, smiling at the nod he got in reply.  
"What happened Princess?" Alex wondered, "Did someone hurt you?"

"No, the princess has been sick." Jakotsu waved off the worried teenagers, taking his seat across from Su-Chan. "But I'm sure he'll get better soon if we just leave him alone."

The shorter emo kid ignored the queen, hurrying over so that those emerald eyes met his excited blue ones. "Do you remember me, princess?"  
"Jakotsu just said leave him alone Sean…"  
"Shutup Alex."

"Did you hurt yourself on purpose?" All eyes fell on Suzaku now as he reached out toward Sean, who suddenly looked very embarrassed. "You're pretty sharp!" He leaned forward, letting Suzaku touch his custom-made earrings. "I made them out of razorblades see? Want to try? Ja-Chan loves to play with them…"

"Su-Chan can't have anything sharp!"  
Hiten hurried over to them, swatting Suzaku's hand before catching hold of Sean and dragging him to the other side of the table. "And you keep away from him."

"Sit with me instead," Jakotsu offered, pulling the jilted, blue-eyed cutie over to himself.  
"Awe, did that mean ol' Hiten scare you?" the queen cooed, leaning forward to lick Sean's neck. He turned, whispering the rest in Japanese to his roommate.  
"Do it again Hiten, I like the look on his face…"

But Hiten only scoffed. "You're sick, you know that? Anyway I have to go to wor-"

"What happens if the princess gets something sharp?" Alex interrupted, sounding excited. "Same thing that happens when Ja-Chan does?"

"Probably…"

"Sounds fun!" Alex decided, nudging Sean away to take his place beside Jakotsu,  
"I brought tons of other fun stuff too! Like yaoi, razor blades, makeup, blindfolds, Halo, DDR and Brawl and-"

"What the hell, you brought the Wii and Xbox?"

"Well we can't just play with Ja-Chan all night…"

"I beg to differ!"

"What I meant was, you can't play with Ja-Chan 'til I'm done with him!"

"What? But I brought the handcuffs…"

"Well I brought the duct tape!"

Hiten raised an eyebrow at Jakotsu as the two boys continued to argue over him.  
"Jakotsu do you… Understand everything these kids are saying?"  
The queen shook his beautiful head, shrugging. "I don't pretend to be any good at speaking or understanding English." He ruffled the shorter teenager's hair and Sean positively beamed.  
"Don't you know? Actions speak louder than words…"

"You understand Japanese!" Hiten growled, glaring at those cheerful blue eyes, but Sean dodged. "I don't know what you're talking about…"  
He yanked the stubborn teenager away from Jakotsu, who whined in protest as he lifted him by the scuff of his shirt. "Don't hurt his face Hite-"

"You listen!" Hiten barked, "I don't care what you do to Jakotsu but do not touch Su-Chan! Got it? I know what you did to him at the mall!"  
Sean nodded, trying to squirm out of his hold. "Okay, okay I won't do it again…"

"Do what?" The queen wondered, but Alex caught on immediately and let the cat out of the bag. "You gave him one of your condoms!"

"Kind of…"

"Sean you're a dumbass."

"It was just a joke…"

"Yeah right, you mean like how you 'joked' with that last pretty boy you met at the mall? The one you tied up in your car?"

"No one asked you Alex!"

Alex leaned closer to Hiten, whispering. "Sean told me he already has plans for your princess…"

"Alex shut the fuck up!"

"Bondage play with that cute little black skirt…"  
Alex grinned wickedly as he watched Hiten twist the other boy's arm behind his back.  
"You want to do what with my Suzaku?" "I didn't me- Ouch!" Sean almost whimpered when his older, much stronger captor shoved his face into the table and held him down.

"I will fuck you up so badly…" Hiten growled, ignoring his feeble pleas.

"Okay okay, I'm sorry! Lemme go…"

"Excellent, the fear on his face is such a turn on!" Jakotsu stood, practically panting as he watched. "Hiten are you gonna rape him? I'll pay you if you do it!"

"Sean would like it," Alex scoffed, "bet this Hiten guy is hung like a horse…"  
"Make him bleed!" the queen gushed, "seriously, a thousand bucks! Just fuck him for like five minutes!"

"Bunch of sick freaks…" Hiten rolled his eyes, ignoring his overly enthusiastic audience.  
Still… It felt nice to have this obnoxious kid bent over the table. And it really would only take five minutes to make him wish he'd never been born. 'or ever touched my Suzaku…'  
"Rape, ne?" This situation already looked too familiar. This kid was completely at his mercy.  
He had thin, pale wrists that would probably be bruised soon, and his hair was long and wispy, though it was that ugly black shade instead of radiant auburn… "Maybe I will…"  
Hiten bore down harder on the struggling teenager and Sean really did whimper this time.

"Don't-" he begged, shivering helplessly. "Please…"

"Stop it." Hiten froze, recognizing that gentle voice. Suzaku was standing, looking over at him with hurt in those beautiful eyes. "Let him go." Immediately Hiten released his would-be-victim and Sean scrambled away, almost tripping over himself. Jakotsu and Alex laughed hysterically as they hurried to follow him to the back bedroom, and Hiten was left alone with the teary-eyed redhead. Suzaku ambled over to him and caught hold of his arm, mumbling miserably as he clung there. "I can't stand to see you do that. Please don't rape anyone else like that…"

"What th-"

"Just me!" Suzaku begged, looking very close to tears. "Only do that to me! Please, please…" Hiten shushed him, pulling the troubled redhead into a tight embrace. 'What the hell?'  
That had to have been the craziest thing Suzaku had ever asked for! What was that supposed to mean, anyway? Suzaku had never honestly requested gifts or affection or anything else a normal 'lover' would want. Instead he wanted to be Hiten's one and only rape victim?

"Don't say things like that, Su-Chan…"

"But I mean it!" Suzaku insisted, squeezing him tightly, "you said you love me not him! How can you- how come-" He couldn't even talk for the distress, so Hiten shushed him again, kissing those quivering pink lips. "It's okay. Don't cry you crazy little-"

"I'm not crazy!"

"Okay, okay!"

"You don't love him! I know you don't love him so why would you…" Suzaku trailed off, mumbling incoherently in his misery and finally Hiten understood what his lover meant. Perhaps Sean was right for once when he'd said actions spoke louder than words…

_'Do you still love me?' _  
'So that's why he keeps trying to cling to me. Su-Chan must consider love and touch to be the very same thing! Even painful touch means love to him?'_ 'Nevermind I just want you.' _  
He would choose simply holding Hiten over eating…

It made perfect sense now! Hiten snuggled closer to his sad little lover, thinking fast. "Shall I skip work today?" Suzaku pulled away, looking confused, but Hiten only kissed him again, tugging him back over to the table. "Sit. After lunch we'll spend the whole day together."

"The whole day?" Suzaku whispered, shocked.

"That's what I said," Hiten chuckled, turning back around to serve his soup.

"Together. For the whole day? We can do everything together?"

"Yes, yes," he chuckled, "I want what you want."

* * *

'Okay, this was a bad idea…'  
Hiten sighed, avoiding the eyes of the insistent redhead before him.  
Suzaku was pouting up at him from his place in the bathtub. The steaming, bubbly water would have concealed his body well past his waist if only his young lover would just sit down. Instead the stubborn redhead stood on all fours so that his entire luscious body was entirely exposed, shining almost as white as the bubbles… He shook his imaginary tail as he chided Hiten.

"You said we'd do everything together today," those pouting lips whined, "so why won't you come take a bath with me?"

"Suzaku, I will do anything but take a bath with you…"

"Why are you calling me that?" The suspicious redhead asked, "you only call me that when you're mad at me or something. Call me something cute…"

"Fine then, Lover. I will not take a bath with you."  
"Awe!" Now those big green eyes looked even more sad. Suzaku mewled just like a kitten, writhing in displeasure as his wet hair clung to his skin. "That's not fair… And Hiten, the water is really hot, just like you like. It's honey-vanilla scented…"

"No thank you, Su-Chan."

"Well will you at least scrub my back?"  
Hiten glowered at him. "You just can't make this easy, can you?"  
"What do you mean?" The pouting redhead looked so confused. Actually his hair was not red like it usually was, instead the thick wet strands had adopted a darker hue. Hiten likened it to blood red wine that dripped against that porcelain skin. 'Speaking of alcohol…' Suzaku's countenance was flushed, tinged a gentle pink due to the steaming hot water that lapped at his body, and when he moved, he swayed a little. He actually looked a little bit drunk.

"Oh I see… Hiten, you don't want to touch me." Suzaku sighed, finally taking his seat among the frothy bubbles. He had already lathered up a sponge, but then set it back down, seeming too overcome with sadness to even continue bathing. Those thin, pale arms hugged his chest and Suzaku hung his magnificent head, looking like he might cry. Instinctively Hiten reached out to catch that miserable face in his hands. It was so uncomfortable, sitting on his knees on the hard, bathroom floor, but that hardly mattered. "You're wrong," he assured, pulling Suzaku closer so they could kiss. "Quite the opposite…" His fingers slid along those wet, smooth curves and Hiten felt almost as dizzy as his lover, even though he wasn't sitting in the hot water.

Watching Suzaku bathe himself was torturous enough without having to touch that tempting skin, but once he'd broken their kiss, Hiten conceded anyway and took the soapy sponge into his own hands. Immediately his companion pulled away and turned around to let Hiten wash his back. Suzaku seemed more cheerful now, and he leaned closer with each gentle caress.  
He loved to be touched.

That was an understatement of course, but now was the perfect time for understatements. The way Suzaku arched his back and quietly moaned his encouragement as Hiten obeyed his wish was nothing short of erotic. His flushed pink skin and slippery curves just begged to be touched and tasted. It was as if his entire body desired to be forcibly dominated…

_'Please don't rape anyone else like that… Just me. Only do that to me!'_

Apparently Suzaku had no idea of how close he was to having that wish granted. If Hiten seriously came onto him, Suzaku would only back down. He'd done it inadvertently many times now, automatically flinching and whimpering. Whether he loved Hiten or not, his body remembered the pain. And yet he still insisted they be close like this! How could anyone be so infuriatingly naïve? Of course Hiten did not want to bathe with him and touch his tantalizing, flawless body!

"Ouch." That little noise jogged Hiten from his thoughts and he immediately released his tight grip on his lover's arm. "Sorry."  
Suzaku shook his head, smiling still. He sank carefully into the water, rinsing the suds from his back and Hiten mimicked his example with his soapy hands. "Did you want to scrub down the rest of me?" his Suzaku wondered, splashing a little bit as he resurfaced, and Hiten shook his head mechanically. "Okay." That magnificent creature shrugged and went right to work, rubbing streaks of thick, luxurious foam all over his flawless, slender body. Suzaku didn't seem at all bothered by the fact that he was being watched. Hiten had expected him to be much more reserved, considering the fact that the last time he'd seen him naked was when that redheaded angel was writhing in pain beneath him. Oh, how he wanted his phoenix pinned beneath him again...

If he came onto Suzaku now, would it remind him of the previous time? Would it scare him? 'But this is different,' Hiten kept telling himself, 'this is about love.' There was a huge difference between forced domination and gentle seduction. The only difficulty lie in determining what Suzaku truly wanted. There was a very good chance, perhaps even a certainty, of Suzaku presenting with that submissive, docile nature again, regardless of whether or not he actually desired to participate. Taking advantage of that fact, in Hiten's opinion, was akin to rape. There had been many instances in the past, when Suzaku had simply submitted to Hiten's will. Now that he thought about it, Hiten realized that the redhead very rarely initiated anything, so it was impossible to tell what he did or did not want. When questioned, Suzaku would most assuredly answer with whatever he thought Hiten wanted to hear…

So how could this be reconciled? How could he ensure that Suzaku would consent, but only due to his own desires? This would be a huge step. It would mean encouraging Suzaku's more rare, mischievous side, which Hiten was loathe to do, since it reminded him of Jakotsu. And furthermore, Hiten would be required to relinquish his control over Suzaku's body…

'Control.' That's what it was all about, Hiten knew that. 'But wasn't there a saying; control is nothing but an illusion?' Well then there must be some way to stop himself from desiring what he was never meant to have. No man should completely control his lover. True, Hiten's heart had ached terribly when he thought his Suzaku had been unfaithful, but what hurt even worse was the fact that Hiten had injured that sweet, submissive creature. All his life, violence and forceful domination had come naturally to Hiten. There was a reason he had been so notorious on the football team and had climbed the corporate ladder in just a few short months. He now stood on the backs of countless employees and boasted enough charisma and power to control anyone he chose… Except for this one man.  
Suzaku could not be forced to speak truthfully, remain monogamous, or even act on his own true desires. In essence, he simply could not be controlled, and this frustrated Hiten to no end. Suzaku was young, thin and nowhere near as powerful, yet his influence mattered most.  
If Suzaku asked for something, Hiten was compelled to buy it. When Suzaku showed interest in an activity, Hiten just had to do it. He had given that necklace and Hiten couldn't help but wear it every day. He had expressed a taste for strawberry, so Hiten filled the kitchen with that flavor treat, even though he hated them! More and more, this powerful, wealthy businessman was beginning to realize that it wasn't the submissive redhead who was the real pet, but Hiten himself! And what freaked him out the most was… he didn't mind.

So what if that red string was tied around his neck like a collar? So what if he was compelled to cater to Suzaku's every little whim? Something about being exactly what his lover wanted was addicting; irresistible. Hiten was beginning to realize that he truly did want nothing more than to let himself sit back and revel in his gorgeous lover's inexplicable ability to control him instead. Maybe that's what love was all about…

_'I want what you want.'_  
He'd said that so many times, but still Suzaku failed to understand…

"What are you thinking about, Hiten?" That wet, red hair dripped a little bit onto his face as Hiten turned to regard his curious companion. "You." he replied simply, and this seemed to please Suzaku. "Good things?" he wondered, and Hiten nodded, trying not to ogle that exposed, dripping wet skin. Oh, Suzaku was so beautiful; simply breathtaking. Just looking at him made the guilty heat pool right where Hiten did not want it… 'Touch me,' those flawless curves begged. How infuriating that Suzaku was not even doing this on purpose!

Cursing his own heated, nagging desire, Hiten watched his lover give that ethereally lovely body one final rinse, and then Suzaku stood, wringing out his long, sopping wet hair as he unplugged the bathtub to let the water drain.

Hiten stood as well and instinctively fetched a towel from the rack. Suzaku stepped out, bowing his thanks as he allowed Hiten to wrap him up in that soft beige fabric. But once his arms were around the dripping wet, unsuspecting object of his silent lust, Hiten found himself unable to let go. Oh, how he loved him. How badly he wanted to show it…. "Hey Su-Chan…"  
"Hmm?" the redhead snuggled into his embrace, immediately pulling him closer. Their lips met once again, and both seemed hungry, but somehow Hiten felt his companion did not ache for him in the same way. He released those plump pink lips and instead nuzzled his lover's neck. "Can I make love to you?"

"Of- Of course you can." As usual Suzaku was quick to try to play off his true feelings. But that slight stutter spoke volumes to Hiten. 'Rape…' That kind of pain was not something one could just forget. The fear that such memories would invoke must have been next to impossible to smother. Was it selfish of Hiten to make this kind of request? He felt cruel, holding his previously injured lover like this. But Suzaku had already told him not to leave. How else could their relationship heal if neither was willing to take the first step toward reestablishing intimacy?

"Are you sure you're well enough?" Hiten kissed that sweet skin even while questioning, and his hands wandered along Suzaku's smooth, heated body; gentle and careful to avoid startling him.  
If only he could read what was going on behind those gorgeous green eyes. Those pink lips could lie so well, and even Suzaku's body was sending mixed signals. Hiten had never felt so conflicted. Never had he wanted something so badly and yet hated himself so completely for pursuing it. "I really don't want to hurt you..."

"Pain doesn't matter as long as it's you, Hiten."

"Only me, ne?" Hiten almost chuckled at that ridiculous notion. He felt a sense of nostalgia from those words, and Suzaku had probably noticed that too because he smiled. "You're lying."  
"So?"

"So, I should make sure you've fully healed."

"I have."

"Can I see?"  
Suzaku met his concerned gaze, seeming subdued by it. "Alright," those pink lips whispered before pressing against Hiten's. The way they kissed then was almost automatic; completely natural and mutually desired. Suzaku weighed next to nothing, compared to what Hiten could bench press. It was easy for him to hoist that delicate body up into his arms and place his lover gently onto the bathroom counter. Suzaku sat obediently against the mirror, still kissing him, but he flinched when Hiten's hands slid between his legs. "Don't be scared," he whispered, pressing soothing kisses to those quivering pink lips. "I'll use my mouth, so it will feel nice."

He continued at a slow, tenderly affectionate pace, kissing Suzaku many times before gently tugging that towel out of his way. It rode up easily, like a tight beige dress, and Suzaku consented when Hiten broke away from their kiss to nuzzle his face between those smooth, porcelain legs. Kissing Suzaku here was even more enjoyable. The redhead instantly became flustered and writhed against the gentle stroke of his tongue. The taste of Suzaku was virtually nonexistent, as usual, and his heated skin smelled just like that honey-vanilla bubblebath he loved so much. Carefully Hiten slid his tongue inside and Suzaku shuddered, moaning his name.  
'Wow.' His own body responded immediately to the sorely missed sound of his partner's pleasure. Obviously Suzaku hadn't lied about being fully healed. "Oh…" only his voice was more delicious than his actual taste. As Hiten stood and worked his own clothing out of the way, he had to fight the urge to immediately force himself inside of this amazing, perfectly positioned body. Like a moth to flame, those burning eyes enticed. Pausing to nuzzle closer was torturous; almost painful. They each felt the heat; Hiten's sliding between those porcelain legs, nudged right up against the prize he wanted so desperately to claim…

"You like that?" Hiten whispered, teasing himself against the entrance he had already wet with his mouth. That heated flesh seemed to throb with his own anticipation, but he held still, having finally decided on the solution to his dilemma: let Suzaku have complete control.  
"Tell me what you want next, Su-Chan."

Those lust-laden emerald eyes blinked and Suzaku cocked his head like he didn't understand.

"Tell me what you want, and I'll do it…" Hiten snickered as those pale cheeks flushed and that stubborn redhead tried to shove him away. "You're just teasing me." Suzaku mumbled, embarrassed, but Hiten shook his head as his adorable companion flushed still deeper.  
"I'm serious." He dipped back down and ghosted his tongue over that trembling flesh. "You should give me commands, Su-Chan." he proposed, making sure his breath was hot between those porcelain legs. "Be my Master tonight…"

'Master?' Suzaku hardly believed his ears. How could he be expected to give commands to the very same man that had always dominated him? "Ano…" He tried to play along, thinking of the best way to voice his desires, but that only made his cheeks burn more. Hiten was still patiently kneeled between his legs, watching with amusement dancing in those chocolate eyes.

'He's so hot,' Hiten mused, dreamily.  
This was beyond perfect. The steamy, vanilla-scented air. The wet beads sliding down the foggy mirror behind that beautiful head… "Don't be shy, Master Su-Chan." He prompted.

But Suzaku only blushed more furiously, trembling as Hiten bowed between his legs.  
"Oh…" That smooth tongue just barely touched down and Suzaku nearly shivered as he reached out to cup that handsome face in his hands, steeling himself. "Kiss me there again," he whispered, closing his eyes when Hiten immediately obeyed. Suddenly it felt like this was the first time Suzaku had let his lover's kiss press against such an intimate place. That familiar mouth was something new and exotic because it was completely under his own control. "Deeper."

Suzaku bit back a moan as Hiten's cool wet tongue slid inside of his rapidly heating, humiliated body. There had not even been a second's delay between the command and its fruition. He watched for a moment, trying not to let this erotic display overpower his self restraint. Already the wet result of Suzaku's pleasure began to slide between his legs, as if it were trying to mimic those tantalizing kisses.

"Here now." Carefully he pressed one of his painted red fingernails to the next spot he wanted Hiten to worship and his willing servant moved immediately to oblige. Suzaku trailed his fingers over the most sensitive spots, mesmerized by the way those hot kisses followed; worshipping, suckling gently.

"Put your fingers inside." This next command was even more humiliating, but it was worth it.

Hiten carefully licked his fingers before sliding them inside of his lover. Suzaku bit back a moan, either out of pain or pleasure. He couldn't really tell. But when he leaned forward again and put his mouth back where it belonged, Suzaku shuddered and begged for more.

"Deeper, harder…" Now both those fingers and lips could be commanded at once and Suzaku's own fingers stroked alongside that insistent, powerful tongue. "Oh, yesss…"

Hiten groaned as his master's luxurious purr met his ears, but didn't stop for even a moment. One hand held Suzaku steady and the other pressed still deeper inside of that heated entrance while he suckled the tantalizing treat between those shivering legs. Every now and then his tongue met those painted red nails as they stroked, and their owner jerked them away, moaning louder, shuddering in a show of increasingly erotic pleasure.

"St- Stop." Suzaku whimpered as this command was obeyed, and Hiten stood as his master's wet fingers yanked on his hair, forcing him closer. "Fuck me now. Hard." Hiten nodded, carefully licking his own palm before using it to guide himself back to that waiting entrance.  
'Hard,' he had to remind himself as he kissed those panting, demanding lips, shuddering in his own anticipation. After catching hold of those porcelain hips, Hiten forced them against his own, swallowing the yelp that Suzaku had let escape into their kiss. For a moment the only movement was that of their wrestling tongues and the shivering of his lover's pain-wracked, violated body.

Passionate, intoxicating kisses combined with the tantalizing pressure; the full, completed sensation of their intimate unity and two were allowed to melt into one.

Suzaku's arms wrapped around his neck as Hiten began to move inside of his precious companion. The cabinets beneath them shuddered with each thrust, just like their panting breath. Suzaku was shoved repeatedly into the mirror as it reflected every second of their erotic endeavors, but neither partner noticed. "Harder," Suzaku gasped, commanding those equally insatiable hips.

Emerald eyes slid shut then, focused only on the pleasure. Panting voices, heated friction and those powerful, deep strokes combined to push both of them over the edge in what seemed like mere seconds. The intense, shuddering groans shook their perfect kiss as their mutual climax washed over each quivering body.

Suzaku lie back as Hiten slumped into his embrace, kissing him absently. Even as they made to catch their breath their movement matched almost perfectly. "Love you," Hiten whispered, smiling as Suzaku nuzzled closer in his joy. Their chests pressed firmly together, their hearts beating as one and the tension between their tightly joined bodies slowly dissipated, seeping almost as gently as the kisses Hiten then pressed against his lover's tired body.

Sitting on the counter soon became uncomfortable, and Hiten was quick to notice.  
"Hold on tight," he offered, "and I'll carry you to bed." But Suzaku startled when Hiten suddenly hoisted both of them away from the bathroom counter. "Don't!" He gasped, amazed by the fact that his powerful lover had managed to lift him without even pulling out. "We can't just wander out there like this! Someone's gonna see us!"

"So what?" Hiten teased, pinning the naked redhead up against the wall as he kissed those smiling pink lips. "It's our house."


	24. BloodPlay

disclaimer

I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, Suzaku, Hiten or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.

I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.

I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.

- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

* * *

(AN. Just in case the title failed to make it obvious enough: yes this chapter contains some strong content.

There are also times when the setting jumps from America to Japan;  
for instance moving from Hiten's POV to Inuyasha's POV.

Overall: It's a strange little dance of fluffy humor and not-so-mainstream sexplay. I hope you will enjoy it.)

**Not For All the World  
**

**Chapter Twenty-Four: Bloodplay**

**

* * *

**

It was late. Or maybe it was very early, Jakotsu couldn't really tell. He sat up among the soft pink blankets and pillows that covered Suzaku's bed, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the dim light. Here and there little spots of blood shown against the smooth pink sheets, and he duly noted that he'd soon have to clean up this mess. He looked around, surveying the wreckage. There were video games, various articles of clothing and cosmetics scattered all along the ground. For some reason his two teenage companions were lying on the carpet, among the mess, but as he looked a little closer, he realized that only one of them was actually asleep.

Sean's painted red nails rested lightly on an Xbox controller. The video game was muted, and the character on the screen had long since been killed since the boy who controlled him had fallen asleep. Thick silver handcuffs were still clamped tightly on his thin, pale wrists, and many cuts shown dark red against his fair skin, but he slept on, exhausted and oblivious.

"I love you…"

It was a tiny, barely audible whisper, and Sean slept on; none the wiser. Silently Alex reached out and turned off the Xbox360 so that now the blank blue screen of the television cast its glow onto the pale boy he was watching. He sat up then, with his messy black hair cascading over almost his entire back, and leaned forward to place a kiss onto those sleeping, oblivious lips. Alex stood then and left Sean alone on the ground. He didn't seem bothered when he turned around and noticed Jakotsu watching him, but immediately brought a hand up to wipe the wetness from his eyes. "What's the matter, my queen?" he wondered aloud, crawling back up to lay beside the cross dresser on the bed. "You can't sleep either?"

Jakotsu shook his head before reaching out to pull his blue-eyed companion into a tight embrace. Alex was much younger, but he had still seemed so strong and commanding. Last night he had been in full ruthless sadist mode and Jakotsu almost felt sorry for Sean when that blade was pulled so many times across his kneeling, submissive body. Alex was cruel to him, there was no better word for it. He had handcuffed him to the bed and blindfolded him as well. Alex grit out words like 'whore' and 'bitch' as he forced himself on his masochistic, tightly-bound partner. And Jakotsu watched this entire erotic performance with much amusement. Rough and tumble blood play was by far his favorite nighttime indulgence. He loved every moment of watching his gothic friends writhe in both pleasure and pain. The show must have gone on for hours, though each one only felt like a hot minute. An entire night was lost to this display of intensely arousing primal passion.

The three of them knew how disgusting this would look to other people. But the door was locked and their moans were carefully stifled. Sean was especially vocal, even though he had been bound and gagged with thick black ropes and those shining handcuffs. The cuffs clinked as they hit the bed frame, a resounding, cute little noise that was set so far from the groans of their insatiable master. The muffled screams were pleading, begging for more, faster, even as his sadistic companion pounded relentlessly into his bruised, shivering body.

Jakotsu could hardly believe that same sadist was in his arms now, trembling with sweet little sobs escaping his frowning lips. Alex was still completely naked, and he snuggled closer into the warmth of the cross dresser's protective embrace. At the moment Jakotsu wasn't a cross dresser, though, since he was fully nude as well. Fair peach skin pressed against Asian porcelain, and Jakotsu realized that this boy was so much like his own lover. Alex probably only abused Sean because he hated his promiscuous lifestyle, but after all was said and done what he really wanted was to lie beside him and whisper sweet nothings to the one he secretly loved.  
He must have realized that all of the love in the world wouldn't kill Sean's insatiable lust for blood and pain, and so he refused to admit while they were both conscious.

'I wonder if Bankotsu cries like this at night… I wonder if he whispers to me…'

Jakotsu knew it was filthy, the way he lusted after blood and violence, but it wasn't something he could just opt out of. Nothing was near as exciting as sinking his teeth into his shivering, helpless victims. Nothing was quite so erotic as hearing their cries and begging when he held them down and forced them to accept him into their desperately resisting bodies. But never would he admit that to his Bankotsu. For his precious Aisur's sake, Jakotsu would remain as a snake in a cage, and suffice it to only dream of sinking his fangs into his delicious, would-be victim.

Jakotsu had always felt sick, dirty; in the arms of his naïve Aisuru. He wished desperately to watch that caramel skin bleed and hear his lover scream his name, begging him to stop. But never could Jakotsu hurt the one he cherished. Those fantasies would have to stay unfulfilled. Bankotsu's handsome, flawless body deserved to be worshipped, not abused…

When Jakotsu was with a different lover; however, he did not bother to hold back.

So Bankotsu thought his Jakotsu was just promiscuous, lacking in self control perhaps.  
He put up with the infidelity and the flirting and the betrayal because he loved him so dearly.  
But it was so much more than that. Jakotsu made sure his naïve lover would never learn of the bloodlust and the disgusting, despicable pleasure he derived from torturing and shaming other men…

"I don't want to do this anymore…"

Jakotsu nodded, stroking the miserable teenager's hair as Alex clung to him.  
"Why can't love be enough?" those tear-soaked lips begged, "Why can't we be normal? Gentle?"

"I don't know…" It was an honest answer, but he wished he had more to offer his suffering, younger companion. Is this how Bankotsu would suffer if he knew the true, dark secrets of his lover's passions?  
'Of course it is.' Jakotsu had never been the brightest when it came to practical things, but matters of the heart? Now that's where he could shine…

He sat up, giving Alex a reassuring little kiss, before wandering over to his messy pile of possessions. He pulled out his favorite album and handed it over to the teenager, along with the pin from his hair. They sat side by side and Alex used the pin to unlock the album. He flipped through each page, blushing as he beheld the beautiful photos of Bankotsu.

"That's Bankotsu; the one I love." Jakotsu explained, though Alex had probably already figured that out.  
"On the inside, I think Bankotsu hurts the same way you do, Alex…"

Alex said nothing as he traced over the handsome features of this stranger, marveling at how amazing these photos were. They must have been taken with such tender love and care... Bankotsu, as he was called, had not a single scar on his perfect tan skin… Jakotsu must never have cut him.  
He must have loved him too much to show him his truer, dangerous nature.

"He doesn't know about-"

"No. I only cut other people. So he just thinks I'm a whore. But he loves me anyway…"

"That must be nice. I wish I didn't know, either."

"I think it's better to be honest with your special someone. I'd tell him if I had the balls."

"You lied when you said your English wasn't any good…"

"Yeah, I lie a lot…"

Alex chuckled at this, laying back down to snuggle up with one of the large pink pillows.  
"So you invited us here tonight, because you want to get all of that out of your system before you go back home to him?"

Jakotsu nodded, taking his place beside the cozy-looking teenager. "I hope it was still fun for you though…"

"Yeah, I guess it was." Alex admitted.

"Shouldn't we wake Sean up? He'll catch a cold…"

"No, I'm sure he's used to being naked on the floor, like the whore he is."

"That's not nice."  
Alex scoffed, ignoring that retort. He seemed to be contemplating something as he looked over at his sleeping secret love. "That Bankotsu guy… He loves you back?"  
"Yeah."  
"So he's gentle with you, right?"  
"Of course."  
"That must feel wonderful…" He sighed, gazing off dreamily as he imagined that, and Jakotsu tried but failed to stifle his amused snort. "Shut up." Alex smiled as he turned to hide his embarrassment. But after a moment the amusement left him completely as his eyes fell again on his most fervent desire. "Hey, Ja-Chan…"

"Hmm?"  
"You sleepy?"  
"Not really…"  
"You know what role-play is?"  
"Yeah…"  
"Then let's have sex."  
"Again?"

"Yeah, but this time," Alex sat up and immediately began to brush through his long black hair, "I'll braid my hair, so I will feel more like your Bankotsu…"  
"Oh? Then what shall I do to look more like your Sean?"  
"Nothing. You just need a blindfold."

Jakotsu giggled as the world fell into darkness. Vaguely he wondered where Alex had fetched this thick silk blindfold, but he didn't bother to ask. Soft, whispering lips met with his amused, smiling ones, and gentle hands cupped his face. "I love you," the fake Bankotsu whispered. His long black braid rested heavily on Jakotsu's stomach as the cross dresser lie back and felt those kisses trailing over his slightly cold, naked body.  
"Are you wearing one too?" Jakotsu wondered, ignoring the "shush!" he got in reply. "Of course I am," fake Bankotsu tittered, "now make love with me, quietly, so we won't wake anyone up…"

"Hah, you sounded just like Aisuru when you said that."

"Secret lover…" Alex teased, "now be silent unless you are moaning my name."  
"Okay then, 'Bankotsu'."  
"Good boy, 'Sean'."

* * *

"Spssst!"

Jakotsu startled, in the middle of pulling his skirt on. He finished quickly and hurried over to the door, cracking it just so. Green eyes sparkled into his drowsy grey ones as Suzaku bowed, apologizing for bothering him so early in the morning. He certainly didn't look sorry, however, since he didn't stop smiling for even a moment. "Oh, Ja-Chan!" the overly-excited redhead whispered, "you have to come see this!"

"Okay…" Jakotsu took one quick look behind himself, ensuring that both his companions were sound asleep, and then silently snuck out of the room, following behind Suzaku. The redhead was still in his pajamas, but apparently had not been able to get much sleep. "I just figured out how to do something amazing," Suzaku explained as he led the way to Hiten's bedroom. He stopped just outside the door and put a finger to his lips, with a mischievous giggle. "Watch this…"

Jakotsu followed obediently as Suzaku silently slid the door open and led him into the room. The cross dresser hesitated, however, since the owner of this room was not only sound asleep, but most likely naked beneath the bedcovers. Suzaku however, snuck right over to his Hiten. His older, dominant partner was wearing nothing more than a thin, black undershirt, and that long black hair was unbraided. For some reason it seemed longer, laying across his back and hanging off the side of the bed... Jakotsu fidgeted, embarrassed by the sudden warmth that had spread throughout his body at the mere sight of the handsome, unconscious man who belonged to Suzaku. 'He looks just like Bankotsu…' Oh, how he hated that fact. He felt so guilty, getting all flustered like this. But neither Suzaku nor Hiten noticed, and luckily those bed**covers** were doing their job…

Suzaku sat on his knees, right beside the bed and motioned for Jakotsu to come closer to get a better view, and again he pressed a finger to his cute pink lips. He then leaned down, face to face with the unconscious Hiten and whispered to him. "Hiten…" Suzaku gently sang, and Jakotsu had to fight the urge to just turn and run. He did not want to wind up face to face with a furious, half-naked Hiten again…

"Hiten…" Finally Suzaku's partner began to stir. Luckily his slightly slurred reply did not sound grumpy. "What?" Hiten had not even bothered to open his eyes, but when Suzaku leaned closer and nuzzled against his face, he responded automatically, snuggling back. "I love you Hiten…" the redhead cooed, and Jakotsu felt an immediate rush of both amusement and fear. Oh, Hiten would be so pissed if he knew the cross dresser was watching such a private display of affection…

Jakotsu stood still and silent, debating on whether he wanted to puke or give in to the urge to coo along with Suzaku. This scene was just so cute, yet a little too intimate. But then something happened that shot Jakotsu's self restraint straight to hell. Suzaku had snuggled closer to his sleepy victim and repeated himself just once more, triggering an automatic reply. "I love you…"  
"I love you too." Hiten whispered.

"Oh my gawwd, Kawaiiiiii!" Jakotsu squealed.

Poor Hiten nearly fell off the bed as he startled into full consciousness. "God damnit Suzaku!"  
He cursed his life as he bolted into a sitting position, sincerely wishing he could just drop dead.  
Suzaku and Jakotsu ignored him, however. They were immediately lost out in their own world, as they joined hands and danced on the spot, squealing their nonsense all the while.

"That's so amazing!"  
"I know! You should've seen it yesterday! He said it three times!"  
"Really?!"  
"Yeah and he even called me 'Master'!"  
"Oh my gawwwwwwd!"

"Shut up!" Hiten finally yelled, "just shut up and get the fuck out!"

His 'girls' squealed hysterically and promptly ran away, nearly tripping over each other.

"But wait-" They froze, turning back to Hiten, who now felt even more humiliated. "I didn't mean that, Su-Chan..." he muttered, staring down at the sheets he'd hastily pulled into his lap. Oh, why had he not thought to get dressed before falling asleep last night?! Bad enough his cheeks were heating up...

"It's early Suzaku... You're not coming back to bed?"

He didn't look up, but startled when one of those gentle hands cupped his face. Affectionate emerald sparkled into ashamed, down-cast chocolate and Hiten thought he might have seriously died already. Did heaven have angels this beautiful? Hopefully so...

Somehow the warmth of those fingers on his face made the embarrassment a little more bearable. "It's not such a big deal," he grumbled, "it's just that..."

"What?" Suzaku sat beside his troubled-looking lover, and Jakotsu had to fight off another powerful urge to squeal as Hiten held that one little hand in both of his own, as if he were afraid to let go.

"I dunno..." Hiten was mumbling. When he shook his head that long, dark brown hair cascaded over his shoulders and made him look more like a pleading puppy than the grumpy, barking Rottweiler Jakotsu usually equated him with. "You'll miss me?" Suzaku wondered.

Hiten sighed, finally admitting. "It's hard to sleep without you..."

For a moment all three men were silent, but then, at almost the exact same time, Jakotsu and Suzaku burst back into laughter, blushing almost as furiously as Hiten himself.

"I hate girls." The puppy sighed, defeated, but his 'girls' only responded with more giggling nonsense.

"We love you too!"

* * *

Sean slipped again, suddenly overcome with another fit of giggles.  
"This is so sad. I seriously can't do it."

"Try it this way," Jakotsu offered, carefully helping the teenager to stand up on his knees. Sean looked so cute with the hot water lapping at his hips and the little red streaks across his perfect, pale torso… "You know I'm kinda tempted to-"

"What the hell are you two doing?"

Jakotsu started, trying very hard not to yell at Hiten for bursting into the bathroom like that.  
"How rude! We're bathing you imbecile!"

"I can see that." He rolled his eyes, indicating the teenager that was sitting beside his roommate in the bathtub. "How old is he?"  
"Old enough," the stubborn queen replied.  
"And what is with the handcuffs?"

"Um…" Jakotsu turned to Sean, who answered meekly. "I think Alex has the key, but he's sleeping and we didn't want to wake him so…"  
"Yeah," the queen added, "and so I'll be helping Sean here, get all nice and clean so his parents won't know what he was up to all night…"

Hiten scoffed, noticing the many bruises and bloody cuts on the youngest of the 'zombie boys'.  
"Well if the cops show up, I saw nothing and I don't know you, Jakotsu…"

"Sounds fair to me," the queen shrugged, "so what's for breakfast?"

"Something light... Um..."

"What?"

"Well actually I wondered... Do you think Suzaku might be sick again?"

"Why?" Jakotsu met Hiten's concerned gaze with a dubious look. "Su-Chan seemed fine this morning."

"Yeah but I'm starting to notice... He doesn't sleep much lately. And sometimes he zones out when I'm trying to talk to him..."

Jakotsu contemplated this, mimicking the worried look on Hiten's face. "Oh you mean Lilly or whatever?"

"I think so…"

"Just leave him alone. He'll just bite you again if you try to feed him those pills."

"Well I know but... you think maybe I could take him to the hospital? Just for a checkup or-"  
Hiten scoffed as his effeminate companion froze up at the mere mention of that word.

"Don't tell me you hate hospitals too..."

"Agh! Don't even say that word!" Jakotsu insisted, clamping his hands over his ears.

Hiten threw his hands up. "I am so sick of both you psychos!" He turned heel and made to leave, but instead he wound up crashing right into one of the aforementioned 'psychos.'

"Oh, sorry!"  
Suzaku bowed his apologies, but Hiten waved him off, pretending he hadn't noticed the redhead's zoning out yet again. "Come," he insisted, catching hold of the redhead and dragging him away from the bathroom, "the bathroom is occupied. We'll have breakfast instead."

Sean sighed, thankful that he was alone again with the amiable cross dresser.  
"Your roommate is such an ass," he observed, trying but failing to hoist himself up out of the water. "Fucking handcuffs!" He tried again and this time slipped and wound up on top of a suddenly sneering Jakotsu. "Hey," the queen whispered, "I know a secret…"

* * *

---------------------------  
"Wait Jakotsu likes what?"

"You know, bondage, sadomasochism and shit like that!" Naraku laughed at the stunned look on his classmate's face. They were supposed to be coming up with a thesis for their next essay, but instead the two had wound up gossiping since that was all Naraku ever wanted to do. "Inuyasha you should really see the look on your face!" he cackled, "It's so much fun talking to someone as homophobic as you!"

"I am not!"

"You know who you remind me of? Hiten Raiyuki! It's no wonder you're Bankotsu's best friend!" Inuyasha rolled his eyes, scooting a little bit farther from his overly excited, effeminate companion. "Look, Naraku, I didn't come over here just to listen to you banter on about stupid shit! Did you finally figure out Jakotsu's phone number or not?"

"Why do you want it so bad, anyway?" Naraku pried, and Inuyasha started at the gleam in his eye. "You found it?!"

"Well not exactly…" He pulled out his cell phone, waving it teasingly out of the other man's reach. "But a little birdie told me how to reach Midari Suzaku…"  
"Tell me!" Inuyasha insisted, trying to snatch it away from him, but Naraku only laughed and dropped the phone into his lap, where he knew Inuyasha would not dare to try and reach for it.

"Tell me why you want it so bad…"

"Because Jakotsu is the only one who can convince Bankotsu not to move to America! There, I told you! Now give me the damn number!"

"America?" Naraku echoed, completely dumbfounded, "why the hell would he want to go there?"  
"Because Jakotsu is there, you idiot!"  
"Well then won't he just want to leave even more if he talks to Jakotsu?"  
"No, he-" Inuyasha froze, suddenly realizing that Naraku had a point. "Shit."

Naraku sighed, a little disappointed that he could no longer torture the highly amusing homophobe with his cellphone. "Cheer up, dogboy. Why not stick with that party idea? I, Naraku shall help you succeed!"  
His silver-haired classmate nodded and Naraku placed another of his calling cards into the palm of his hand. "The show must go on as they say!"

"Alright..."

"Besides, you know I only transferred to your dumb college to see Jakotsu and Bankotsu. It's a good excuse for me to get my rocks off too."

"I figured as much..."

"Yeah, so man up! We gotta work together cuz no way am I transferring to stupid America!"

"A makeup artist?" Inuyasha scoffed, glaring at the card as Naraku stood and left, "Just another fag theatre geek." So now he had a new ally to join in on the effort to convince Bankotsu to stay in Japan but would it really be enough to just throw him a party? What if Bankotsu hated gay parties? Or what if it just insulted him instead of making him feel celebrated?  
There were just too many things that could go wrong with such an unstable plan…

-------------------

* * *

"So much for your going away party. Looks like it turned out to be a teenage torture fest!"  
Hiten shoved Jakotsu out of the way, kneeling down to correct the bandages the queen was supposed to be wrapping around their injured guest. "Can't you do anything right?" Sean was still bleeding heavily. Apparently Alex had cut him just a little too deep with those razorblade earrings, and the bath had only served to reopen his wounds.

Jakotsu changed the subject, smiling wickedly at Sean, who looked very uncomfortable as he sat at the table and let himself be treated with first aid by Hiten of all people... "Sean, I can't believe you knew Alex liked you all along!" Jakotsu couldn't help spilling the juicy secrets he'd just learned. "Why don't you just ask him out already?!"

"It's not that simple…"

"Yes it is!" He insisted, ignoring the teenager's obvious embarrassment. "He loves you so you should hook up with him!"

"Just because you love someone doesn't mean you should be with them." Sean sighed, "seriously would you want a total whore like me for a boyfriend?"

Jakotsu nodded, grinning like a pumpkin. "Sounds fun!"

"Well it's not," Sean grumped, "Alex is just too stupid to fall in love with someone that deserves him."  
"Hey, don't say that!" the queen whined, but Sean cut him off. "Think about it! Who in their right mind would ever fall in love with some crazy faggot who's obsessed with bondage, totally immature, and chases after every random pretty boy they see?!"

"Bankotsu."

All eyes fell on Hiten, who had apparently spoken without thinking. So he stood immediately to wave it off. "I didn't mean it like that!"  
"You are such an ass!" Jakotsu seethed. If looks could kill, Hiten would probably have dropped dead as both Suzaku and his cross dressing best friend glared over at him.

"Wait, wait!" Hiten insisted, "That came out wrong! Lemme explain…"  
Hiten turned away from them, tugging absently at his long black hair as he thought of how to explain himself. "Okay, I'll tell it like this… My brother had cancer right?" At this the room fell into an immediate hush, and some of the tension seemed to fall away as well. "Manten, was his name. And he was always sick, you know, like his hair all fell out and he could never play like the other kids. Well Momma made up this rhyme to encourage him. It went like this: 'Life runs like a race. Waiting is a waste, so why not chase?' Manten loved that shit. He used to drive me crazy, chanting that stupid little poem, and then he taught it to Bankotsu…"

At this point Hiten pressed one last band aid onto Sean's stomach, staring intently at the now perfectly sealed wound. "See, Bankotsu wasn't as stubborn as me. Turns out he really was chasing after what he wanted. Or rather, **who** he wanted…" Jakotsu blushed furiously as Hiten stood, giving him a meaningful look. Hiten then wandered back over to his place in front of the stove. Absently he stirred the miso soup as he finished the story. "Well last year my brother really did die, and I realized he might have had a point... So naturally," He shrugged, "I packed up and moved to America."

Jakotsu sat at the table as their host began setting their plates out, smiling over at his now thoroughly embarrassed best friend. Suzaku accepted his breakfast with an affectionate nod, blushing furiously as his love pressed a quick kiss to his forehead. "I love you." They said it at the exact same time, and then immediately backed off, both turning red.

Pretending he hadn't noticed that, Jakotsu started in on his salmon, but Sean stood then, bowed politely, and excused himself from the room. "Sick of these handcuffs," he mumbled.

Maybe Hiten's story had meant something to him, maybe not. But as the promiscuous cross dresser considered Suzaku and Hiten; the couple he'd once thought so unlikely, a little glimmer of hope lit up in his chest. All this time Bankotsu had been chasing after him. Maybe, just like Sean, he should just stop running away and let love capture him…

* * *

Inuyasha sat on the floor, ignoring his cellphone as it vibrated at his hips.  
'That's probably Kagome…'  
Bankotsu was asleep on Inuyasha's bed again, snoozing away peacefully…  
He hadn't thought about it before, but this meant there was a 'queer' snuggling up against his own pillow. "Bankotsu's gay…" The truth felt so foreign on his lips. Vaguely he wondered if Bankotsu was dreaming. In his dream, was that pillow Jakotsu?

Finally he tore his eyes from the unconscious queer and crawled silently out of the room.

"What?"

Kagome sighed, her voice sounded only a little different over the phone, so it was easy to recognize. His girlfriend was very agitated, the complete opposite of his calmly snoozing roommate. "No one knows how to reach Jakotsu! How is that even possible?! Tsubaki is dating his brother and even she says there's no way she can get in contact with him!"

"I know," he mumbled, taking his seat on the couch. "I've been chasing that wild goose for weeks, remember?"

"We have got to find Jakotsu before Bankotsu does! Are you sure you can't think of even one person who might know?!"

Inuyasha rolled his golden eyes, but thought it over anyway. Only one possibility presented itself. If only he could get ahold of that doctor, Jakotsu's Psychiatrist. What was his name again? "If Jakotsu calls his doctor, then we just might have a chance. Think his name's Suikotsu..."

"What are the chances he'll call the doctor?"

"No clue."

"Well I'll check online for that name; Suikotsu. Can't be too many men with that name right?"

"Yeah, that should be easy…"

"Okay, now what about the party? You know some people we can invite right?"

"Um…" Inuyasha was hoping she'd forgotten about that little scheme. But apparently Kagome was just determined to hold a big event that would make Bankotsu more comfortable with the fact that his friends now knew his darkest secret. A 'coming out' party; that's what Kagome called it. An entire day of celebrating Bankotsu's sexuality. "I don't know if I can stomach something like that…"

"Shut up!" Inuyasha could practically feel the heat of Kagome's anger through the phone. "We have to try our very best so Bankotsu won't leave! Don't forget this is all your fault, Baka!"

"Yeah, yeah…" he sighed, hanging up. "I'll do it for Bankotsu."

"You don't have to bother."

Inuyasha started, turning to regard his roommate who'd suddenly appeared in the room.  
"You stalking me?" He laughed, tossing his cellphone aside as Bankotsu sat beside him.  
"Look who's talking!" Bankotsu was smiling over at him as he prodded a finger into his chest. "Do you watch me sleep every night?"

Inuyasha shook his head, trying not to show his cheeks, which must have turned bright red already. "Of course not. That's gay!"

"You're telling **me **what's gay?" He'd meant it as a joke, probably, but Inuyasha wasn't amused. "Speaking of gay, have you still not heard from him?"

Bankotsu shook his head, standing to wander over to the kitchen. He suddenly felt hungry…  
"No, I guess I'll just have to wait 'til he gets back to talk to him."

"It's been almost a month…"

"I know."

"Well what if you never find him or you realize maybe you don't want to find him because…" Inuyasha trailed off, apparently whatever he was thinking of was too embarrassing to say out loud. "You know, you're pretty tactless. Anyone ever told you that, dogboy?"

"Kagome does…"

"Well she's right." Bankotsu turned away from him, deciding he'd much rather start making his breakfast than continue this seemingly pointless conversation. But Inuyasha's next words made him flinch so that his eggs wound up smashed on the floor instead of in the frying pan.

"Naraku said that Jakotsu likes that Midari guy he's living with…"

"Tactless." he repeated, snatching a paper towel from the roll. "And so is Naraku."

"I'm not," the other man insisted. He wandered over to help him clean up the mess he'd made, trying very hard not to lose his voice to the humiliation that'd already heated up his cheeks.  
"In psychology that professor said that the main difference between gay and straight couples is that gay couples have more trouble with commitment. Misao, like you said…"

"Well that's because we can't get married, that's all."

"But-"

Bankotsu cut him off, tossing away the mess he'd made out of his would-be breakfast.  
"Look, Inuyasha, I appreciate the thought, really." Inuyasha sighed, looking defeated but Bankotsu just patted him on the back, smiling. "It's nothing to worry about."

"Really?"

"Yeah." He went right back to work on his breakfast, trying not to laugh at the way Inuyasha leaned nervously beside him. "Think about it: What if Jakotsu worried constantly whenever I was around pretty boys that I liked?"

"Um…"

"Then he'd lose his mind worrying because I live with you."

Bankotsu laughed at the speed with which his roommate retreated into the livingroom. That shining silver hair whipped out of sight, but those golden eyes still peered curiously around the corner. "I'm… pretty?" He looked like that was the most unbelievable thing he'd ever heard.

"Didn't Jakotsu tell you that like a million times?" Bankotsu finally just let himself laugh, catching glances at the blushing man behind him. "You're such a homophobe! It's too easy…"

Inuyasha glowered at him, watching those tan shoulders shake with laughter.

"I'm not." He whispered, even though he still didn't want to get any closer so Bankotsu could actually hear him. "I'll prove it!"  
'I will throw that stupid party! I just have to find some queers to invite…'

* * *

"I don't want to! Please don't make me…"

Kagome scoffed, snatching the card from her boyfriend. "This is the right place. All we have to do is go in and talk to that Naraku guy."

"This is a bad idea," Inuyasha insisted, ducking behind her as she pressed the doorbell.  
"Stop being such a baby! This guy has his own business cards so he must have tons of friends we can call and invite to the party!"

"But what if-"

Kagome nudged him to make him shut up as the door finally swung open, but once it did, Inuyasha wasn't the only one who gasped in shock. Dark golden eyes glared down at her and she turned around to make sure she wasn't seeing double.

"Hello brother," the taller, more elegant version of Inuyasha greeted, causing him to finally rise and stop hiding behind his girlfriend. "Sesshoumaru?! What are you doing here?!"

"I live here." he replied dubiously, "this is my house…"

"What?" Kagome held out the little white card for his sharp yellow eyes to observe. "I thought this was where Jigoku Naraku…" She trailed off, finally catching on. "Oh…"  
"You're gay!" Her boyfriend suddenly yelled. Apparently he had caught on as well.

"Tactless." Kagome sighed, but Inuyasha wasn't done.  
He put his head in his hands, as if he just couldn't handle the knowledge that'd just entered it.  
"Oh my god. He's gay. Everyone's gay…"

Kagome nudged her boyfriend, trying to make him quit with the dramatic mumbling.  
"I'm the only one left. The only straight guy I know is me…"  
"Shut up!" She seethed, finally succeeding in pushing him down the steps. "I'm sorry about this, um… Sesshoumaru-Sama. But we really need to speak to Jigoku-san."

"Naraku?"

"Yes…"

"Well he's in the shower." Sesshoumaru's voice was cold and distant, and for some reason he wasn't even bothering to look her in the eye. "You can leave a message with me."

"Oh, okay…" Kagome thought it over carefully before putting on a sweet smile and giving him a message to deliver. "Please tell him Bankotsu is having a party, and it just wouldn't be complete without Naraku and all of his friends."

"Naraku's friends?" He repeated, giving her a look of incredulous hatred. "Do you even know what kind of freakish faggots Naraku hangs out with?"

"Yes I do, but they're just like Jakotsu-san right? That's exactly why we need them."

Sesshoumaru said nothing as he glared down at his now recovered brother and his nervously grinning girlfriend. "Whatever." And with that he closed the door in their faces.

* * *

Suzaku closed and locked the door to the bathroom, holding his head in his hands.  
'What's going on?' Suddenly everything had begun to spin and he thought he might throw up, but then the sensation just disappeared, as if he had only dreamt the nausea.

Perhaps it was because of the television. Jakotsu had run off to go play with Sean and Alex at a different house, and suggested to Hiten that he should have a movie night date with Suzaku. Well that would have been a good idea, Suzaku supposed, if only he didn't hate the television so completely. The colors flashed too brightly for him, the scenes shifted too quickly, and the sound affects triggered startle responses. It was all just too much. Dealing with electronic devices always exacerbated the symptoms of his illness. Hiten had noticed and kept asking him what was wrong, but Suzaku refused to admit.

'He'll think I'm a psycho for sure…'

Sometimes the characters on the screen seemed like they might crawl through and try to touch him. Sometimes it seemed like they were speaking directly to him instead of each other. Suzaku kept trying to remind himself that it was just a movie and that he would be safe, but it just didn't work. Paranoia. Movies triggered his paranoia like nothing else. But at the very least, he was glad the movie Hiten had picked was not about spies or zombies. It was called 'Xmen' and might have been a very nice choice, had Suzaku been sufficiently medicated…

The redhead took the few shaky steps necessary to reach the bathroom sink and turned on the water. A few splashes of cold, refreshing reality would surely make him feel better. He considered taking one of his pills, but decided against it. Lilly always had the aftereffect of making him drowsy, and it was much too early to head to bed. Besides, he wanted to spend tonight cuddling with Hiten, not knocked unconscious in a drug-induced stupor.

By now Hiten must have been missing him. He turned off the water and padded his face dry with a towel, before standing up straight to collect himself. His eyeliner needed to be reapplied, but that could wait. The doorknob turned with a click, unlocking itself, and he hurried back to his beloved partner. That cocky grin greeted him in the living room and he sat down beside Hiten, snuggling up to him. "Welcome back," he was saying, "you missed it but Wolverine just killed that one bad guy he was chasing."

"Oh, that's okay," Suzaku lied, smiling cheerfully up into those gorgeous chocolate eyes, "I've seen this movie once already."

"Oh, alright."

He snuggled up as close as he could to Hiten, pretending to look at the screen as he carefully ignored the sound effects and flashing lights that were coming from the television. He almost let out a sigh, but caught himself. 'I wish I didn't have to lie.' He wanted so dearly to be a normal boyfriend, the kind of person that actually deserved to cuddle up and watch movies with his precious, handsome companion…

Hiten was blissfully unaware of his secret, inner turmoil. He seemed to like the way Suzaku snuggled up to him, and was obviously very engrossed in whatever was happening on the screen. That was a good thing though. Everyone knew that movie dates weren't really about the movie. It was just an excuse to cling to someone you liked, and Suzaku was certainly getting plenty of that. If he was lucky this action-packed film would get his Hiten all excited and pumped up. Suzaku knew it was silly, but he was already starting to miss the feel of his amazing partner's body slamming up against his own. That thought made Suzaku want to laugh. His sexdrive was probably the only healthy part of his body…

'Least I do that right.'

He lay his head against the warmth of his precious Hiten and blushed when the other man automatically put an arm around him and held him close. 'I could get used to this.' He closed his eyes and let himself relax, ignoring the television.

_**"Laying on Hiten while lying to Hiten?"**_  
_**"What a naughty pet you are…"**_

Suzaku started, annoyed at being roused from his pleasant rest.  
Luckily Hiten was not bothered by that sudden jolt. He must have assumed the action on the television had caused it. Suzaku carefully looked around himself, hoping against hope that those voices had not come from his own head. But he knew they must have. Maybe they'd just go away… He turned and decided to watch Hiten instead, but to his annoyance, those voice piped back up again, teasing him.

_**"So handsome, isn't he?"**_  
_**"And so close. But for how long?"**_  
_**"We wonder when you'll betray Hiten too, just like poor Oto-san…"**_

Burying his face into Hiten's chest, Suzaku ignored the voices in his head. They didn't matter. They were just another symptom. He knew this very well. The doctors had told him repeatedly to ignore them, and if he wanted he could take his medication and they would eventually fade away.

_**"But you shouldn't cuz we are useful**_  
_**Because we know everything…"**_  
_**"We're always right."**_  
_**"Always stronger."**_  
_**"No one can control us."**_

'It's my body,' he thought, annoyed.

_**"No it's not"**_ they teased._** "It's his. His. You're his. We're his. All his…"**_

They were probably referring to Hiten, and of course they were right. As far as Suzaku was concerned, everything belonged to Hiten. His mind, body, and soul were all Hiten's to control. When he thought about it, nothing else even mattered to him. Hiten was his one and only love. It didn't matter if his lover decided to hold him or to hit him. It didn't matter if they cuddled in bed or wrestled all night and it didn't matter if the sex was slow and pleasant or fast and painful. There was no difference, none at all…

Or maybe that was the illness talking? Maybe that's what the voices believed, rather than what Suzaku himself believed. But then again, maybe there wasn't a difference there either.

The voices were talking again, but now their words were all jumbled up. He supposed it didn't matter what they were blabbering about. The room spun a little again and the flashing lights were starting to make him feel a bit queasy, but that didn't matter. With a silenced moan of discomfort and a careful scoot closer, he settled back down in Hiten's warm embrace, forcing himself to put up with it. Soon the movie would be over. He could handle this. It would be okay. Just like a normal couple, having movie night. He carefully recalled that special night when Hiten had said he loved him. It was now his very favorite memory….

_'I definitely love you. Can't even focus on anything else anymore…'_

Those words made everything, even life itself, worth the trouble.  
Finally, miraculously he knew that their love was mutual. His owner had somehow become his lover, and though Suzaku couldn't decide how this hope had been born, he knew he could never let it die. Like a gently glowing, newly lit fire, Hiten's heart yearned along with his body.  
Now more than ever Suzaku would have to guard his behavior. New flames were easiest to snuff out after all…

_**"Enjoy it while you can."**_  
_**"Once he finds out how sick you are, it will be over."**_

'I know.' Suzaku ignored the stab of pain this confession brought and snuggled closer to his companion. 'But he wants me now. Loves me now.' If only that was all that mattered. As the world began to spin again, Suzaku reveled in Hiten's warmth, trying to think only of how lucky he was to belong to someone like this…

Why should he care if it was only temporary? Even life itself was temporary. Everything would fade to nothingness one day, so he intended to enjoy the tentative, gentle beat of their synchronized hearts while he still could.

It was at that moment that Suzaku made a terrible mistake. He looked up, startled by a very loud noise. Obviously, the major climax of the movie had begun, but Suzaku's dark green eyes stared directly at the screen without seeing anything at all. His entire body froze and his muscles locked up. Suddenly there was nothing to see or hear. Not even voices. Only darkness.

* * *

(AN2: To be continued. Don't you just love those words? What other words do you love? What scenes did you love? What scenes would you like to see? Let me know with a review! )


	25. CATatonia

disclaimer  
I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Suzaku, Hiten, Bankotsu, Jakotsu, or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.  
(Although I wish I did own those adorable, wonderful, super kawaii, sexy little sons of...ahem! anyways)  
I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.  
I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.  
- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

(An. Read. Review. And I love you.)

**Not For All The World**

**Chapter Twenty-Five: CATatonia  
**

(AN. At the beginning of this chapter, I feel so bad for Hiten. XD I've actually had something just like this happen to me. It. Was. Scary. Here's to hoping none of you wonderful readers will ever experience something like that! Much love. -Kagura )

* * *

"Quit hanging up on me! At least text me back so I know you're alive!"  
Hiten sighed after reading ten similar messages. Tekkei always overreacted when he failed to show up at the office. It was already eight o' clock at night, and she was still sending him texts! Not that it mattered. He had skipped out on going to work today, and planned to do the same thing tomorrow regardless. There were only three days left until his trip to Japan, so he had to spend as much time as possible home with Suzaku before he left. Unfortunately, however, it seemed that Suzaku was not really 'with him' at the moment.

Only a moment ago the adorable redhead had been snuggling up with him watching a movie, but then he had frozen up and remained completely, eerily motionless and silent. Hiten had paused the movie, but Suzaku's eyes still gazed off, as if he were looking at something far away, and nothing Hiten said or did seemed to get through to him. 'Spacing out,' that's what Hiten had assumed his lover was doing, but now it was starting to worry him. Minutes passed, and Suzaku still had not moved an inch. He was like a living puppet...

Hiten caught hold of Suzaku's arm and lifted it. It felt heavy and dead, but when he released it, it hung in the air instead of falling. It was uncanny, and more than a little bit unnerving, but it seemed he had just frozen up to become a fully-poseable, living doll.

"Su-Chan?"  
He gave the comatose redhead a gentle shake, but Suzaku did not respond. "Su-Chan!"

'Nothing.'

Hiten sighed, reaching over to turn off the television. Suzaku had always hated watching that thing anyway, and now Hiten wondered if it might have been the cause of this sudden change in the redhead's consciousness. But it was too late to worry about that.  
'What am I supposed to do now? Just sit and wait for Suzaku to wake up?' Would he wake up? 'Maybe once Jakotsu gets home, he'll be able to tell what this is about…' Unfortunately Hiten was alone in the house since Jakotsu had gone to visit Alex and Sean. That obnoxious cross dresser had suggested Hiten and Suzaku spend time together and watch a movie like 'real' boyfriends were supposed to. But apparently that was a very bad idea. Suzaku seemed to hate the television just like he hated the telephone. It made him act strange. More than once he had turned to Hiten and asked things like "is that girl talking to me?" to which Hiten would reply "No, Su-Chan, it's just a movie…" 'Talk about paranoid!' Hiten was at least glad for the peaceful silence and lack of those strange questions, but hated being in the pressence of this eerie, catatonic Suzaku.

"Su-Chan…" Hiten waved a hand in front of those dead, emerald eyes, but they still failed to respond. "Are you okay?"

Suzaku's breathing was steady but he would not move. Hiten pulled him into an embrace which he did not return and suddenly he worried that maybe Suzaku really wouldn't wake back up. 'Maybe he'll just stop breathing like Manten did…'

No, that couldn't be right. Manten had had cancer, but Suzaku was not physically ill. It was all in his head, right? This must have just been a symptom of Suzaku's mysterious illness.  
_'There's no cure for it. And it may get worse…'_ Suzaku had described it as 'scary'; the way he acted when the symptoms showed up. Well this was definitely scary. 'Maybe that's what he meant?'

_'Not even my parents stuck around when they saw what I'm really like.'_

"Well I'm still here, Su-Chan." He had to say it, even though it didn't seem like Suzaku had heard him. Why was this happening now? Why did this illness have to set in at a time like this? Hiten had only just figured out how to properly communicate with him! They were finally getting along so well!

Hiten squeezed his unconscious companion tightly, hoping that even if Suzaku couldn't hear him, he could still feel him. What else was there to do in a situation like this? Instinctively he kissed those frozen pink lips, but when he pulled back his lover was still just as lifeless. What else had he been expecting? A magical fairytale reawakening?

Carefully he took his lover's limp body into his arms and lifted Suzaku, bridal style, to carry him to their room. The least he could do was put the poor thing into a more comfortable position. He kicked the door open, gingerly placed his angel onto the bed and then began the very careful process of positioning those delicate limbs so that it looked like Suzaku was merely asleep.

'My poor little pet…'  
It was sickening to see him like this; terrible. Perhaps this was what Suzaku would look like when he died. 'Life runs like a race,' Hiten thought bitterly, remembering his brother's cold dead gaze._ 'Nothing lasts forever,' _Everyone said things like that, but when the reality of it hit, those cliché sayings failed to make the heart feel any less pain.  
'My Suzaku can't die.' Hiten knew it was childish to think something like that, but he couldn't help it. He leaned closer and lie his head against that smooth, flawless chest. Gentle and soothing; the steady beat of Suzaku's heart brought comfort to Hiten's. "I love you." Useless. He knew it was pointless, but it hurt too much to not say it. "Su-Chan, please don't die."

'Nothing.' Just nothing. Not even the slightest response. Hiten took those limp hands into his own and pressed his forehead against Suzaku's but still those eyes failed even to recognize him.  
"Wake up, wake up…" Nothing. This was starting to make him absolutely sick with dread. Hiten stood, trying to remain level-headed. 'What to do…'

Maybe he should call a doctor. Someone, somewhere had to know what to do to wake Suzaku. Someone with a medical license or whatever. Hiten pulled the blankets over his lover and gave those unresponsive pink lips one more kiss before he turned and left the room, intending to reclaim his blackberry from the coffee table in the living room. 'I should probably call the police…' But then another thought came to him as he walked past the open door of the bathroom. 'Those pills…'

Yes, that must have been it!  
Maybe Suzaku had been skipping out on taking his meds! That must have been the problem! Hiten quickly thought it over. He tried to recall the last time he'd seen Suzaku take his pills. How many had he skipped? But what if he hadn't skipped them after all? Would giving him one now be a good idea? Hiten wandered into the bathroom as his brain buzzed with curiosity. There was the little orange bottle, right where it always was. He assumed this was a month's supply, but there were definitely fewer than thirty pills… If he gave Suzaku one would it cause him to overdose? What if his comatose lover couldn't swallow? Would he choke on it?

Hiten stood there agonizing over it, but finally he just got fed up with all of the worrying and confusion and slammed the pills back onto the counter. 'This is so stupid!' He turned heel and stalked back into his bedroom. This was just too much trouble. Surely he could wake Suzaku himself. There was no need to call the police. He hated cops anyway.

"Fuck this st-" Hiten froze, mid-sentence as he finally realized that Suzaku was… gone.  
The frozen redhead was no longer lying in his bed. In fact, the lights were off and the bed was perfectly made like he always kept it, as if no one had touched it for hours. 'What the fuck? Am I losing it?!'

Hiten hurried out into the living room, and sure enough there was his Su-Chan, lounging on the sofa, watching that movie. It was as if the past ten minutes had never happened… "Su-Chan?!"  
Those cheerful green eyes sparkled up as Suzaku smiled at him. "Oh, there you are Hiten!"  
The redhead stood and immediately threw his arms around his shocked boyfriend.  
Hiten couldn't even move.

"Where'd you wander off to?" Hiten gaped as the redhead released him. Suzaku really wanted an answer! "Hiten?" Now Suzaku looked a little bit worried. "What's wrong?"

'Is this his idea of a joke?!' Suddenly Hiten felt angry. This pain in the ass had him worried sick, and now he was supposed to believe that Hiten himself was the crazy one?!  
"What the fuck Suzaku!? This is not funny!"

Suzaku backed off immediately. He looked frightened and completely confused.  
"What did I do?"

"Don't fuck with me!"

"What do you mean?!"

"I'm baaaaack!" Jakotsu pranced into the house at that moment and launched himself right into his best friend's arms. Suzaku caught him easily, greeting the cross dresser with a smile. "Welcome home, Ja-Chan."

Jakotsu giggled madly; obviously drunk, and was once again blissfully unaware of the argument he had just interrupted. "Su-Chaaaan," The queen tittered, slurring playfully as he stood, "you will not bah-leeve what happened at Sean's house!" Nearly tripping over his long black dress, Jakotsu tugged insistently on his best friend's arm, saying that Suzaku must come and listen to his 'amazing' story.

"Oh, hey Hiten." The queen mumbled as he pushed past his still seething roommate. "You always look so grumpy…"

Suzaku bowed apologetically to his boyfriend as he was led away. "I'll be right back out," he promised, "just go on to bed." Hiten nodded mechanically as the two 'girls' disappeared into the back bedroom. Though it was inconvenient, he was actually glad the queen had showed up. At least now he wasn't both alone and pissed off at the strangely behaving redhead.  
What was the deal? Suzaku acted like he didn't even know what was going on! Suddenly the redhead seemed very conscious and aware. He had backed up like a scared puppy, as if he just knew how badly Hiten wanted to hit him. Yet the fear seemed just as genuine as the confusion in those gorgeous green eyes. Was Suzaku just that good of a liar?

These were probably the things Hiten should be worried about. But instead his mind was suddenly plagued by jealousy instead. 'That stupid Jakotsu!' The nerve of that insufferable cross dresser, dragging Suzaku off in the middle of their conversation! Suddenly he wished he could just tear those two 'girls' apart and forbid them from ever even speaking to each other again!

"You're such a selfish prick."  
The blackberry was flashing and vibrating on the coffee table again and so Hiten had finally picked it up. He deleted the newest messages, assuming they'd say the same thing, and sent only one in reply. "Whatever. I'm too tired for all this shit. Goodnight."

-------------------

* * *

"From now on it's gonna be just me and Ban-Chan against the world! I tell you we'll be just like Alex and Sean! Happily ever after! I'm gonna tell him my secrets and we'll be together forever and ever no matter what!"

Suzaku nodded absently, completely ignoring his best friend's drunken rambling. Jakotsu was lying on the bed, chattering on and on with his head in Suzaku's lap. "You're not even listening," he eventually sighed, "But mmmh, you're so warm…" Jakotsu rolled to nuzzle his face closer. "Are you horny too Su-Chan? I think you are. I can tell these things you know…"

"Just a little."

"Liar." Jakotsu chuckled, smiling up at him. The alcoholic haze still floated comfortably in his head, but the mischievous cross dresser was an expert at reading men; intoxicated or not.  
"Go on back to Hiten if you want…"

"I don't want to." Suzaku immediately replied, and Jakotsu gave him an incredulous look.  
"What? Why are you avoiding your lovie when you obviously want some lovin'?"

"Hypocrite."

"Ouch…" Jakotsu mumbled into his shirt and Suzaku assumed he'd said something along the lines of, "I'm in the wrong country. What's your excuse?"

"I'm not feeling well…"

"Well I know what will make you feel better…" Jakotsu snorted for laughing so hard, but then shook his head in apology. "Please forget I said that."

"I will. And if Hiten asks, please tell him I'm not sick at all."

"Oh, okay…"

Suddenly Jakotsu realized how sleepy he was. Vaguely he wondered how the day had slipped away so fast, but he was too inebriated to really care. He snuggled closer to his best friend, admiring the light, sweet scent of Suzaku's skin. It was such a precious opportunity to fall asleep in his lap, so Jakotsu took full advantage of it.

His beautiful friend would have to leave soon, to return to Hiten like he was supposed to each night. But for the moment Jakotsu and Suzaku could be together. For the moment their love was free to blossom, simmering secretly in the warmth of their chaste skin to skin contact. Unspoken, and tightly bound, that desire was just another secret they'd have to keep locked away inside…

* * *

Hiten stood in the hallway, leaned against the wall. He was directly across from Jakotsu's bedroom door, but had purposely positioned himself so that he could not hear the men within. Absently he stared down at the tiny pill in the palm of his hand. "Lilly…"

'This is what maintains the Suzaku I am used to…'

The Suzaku Hiten knew best was the one that was mischievous and energetic, yet still timid and easily embarrassed. Was that who Suzaku truly was, or was that just what the medicine prompted? Perhaps the true Suzaku was the one that constantly checked behind his back, threw the telephone into the kitchen and wondered if the television characters were talking directly to him…

It seemed there were two Suzakus; a medicated one and an unpredictable one…  
One Suzaku that had shaken his naughty tail in the mall and one that had frozen on the couch, unable to move or even respond to Hiten's touch. If there were two then which one was real?

Or more importantly, which one… did Hiten love?

He thought back to their first Christmas, one of the only times Suzaku had mentioned his illness.  
_'I feel like I've tricked you. The medication makes me calm. But the real me is- scary. Not even my parents stuck around when they saw what I'm really like.'_

So Suzaku regarded his unmedicated self as his true self? But apparently he hated that true self.  
'Well how sad…' What must it be like to depend on drugs to maintain the only self that you could be comfortable with? How much must it hurt to truly believe that being honest made you 'scary' and less desirable?

Hiten was well aware of the fact that he did not truly know Suzaku.  
What was that man really thinking? What did he really feel? There were so many lies to sift through and so many questions left unanswered. He couldn't ask the only person who knew the truth because Suzaku hated to talk about his illness. Hiten could probably coax him into anything else, but when it came to 'Lilly' he always hit a brick wall. That topic was obviously a very sore spot. Last time he'd even mentioned these pills Suzaku had actually bitten him. 'What's with that?' It was completely irrational the way he had fought when Hiten tried to give him medication. Yet Suzaku had been submissive enough to request forced sex… 'Ridiculous.'

_'You wouldn't like me if I ever told you what was in that bottle.'_

Was that the issue here? But it was so far from the truth. Maybe Hiten didn't really know this 'real' Suzaku, but it was also true that Suzaku did not know Hiten, because he did still like him. Even with the telephone in pieces on the floor and the television constantly shut off... The catatonic, eerie stare and the ridiculous claims of 'someone's watching me' were just more of Suzaku's quirks. None of that really mattered, because Hiten had never defined anyone by their actions.

If Suzaku was defined as paranoid or irrational, then what would that make Hiten himself?  
A rapist? A loose cannon? No. Why should one work all their life on establishing an identity, if it could be so easily destroyed by the things they wish they'd never done?!

"You can be honest with me." that's what Hiten wanted to say to Suzaku. If only it were true.  
That redhead wasn't stupid. It really was scary to see his symptoms. Hiten could still feel the pain of looking down into those empty, dead eyes. Surely there was nothing so terrifying in the world. 'What if he hadn't woken up?' Hiten had to force that thought from his mind. It was just too much. If there were a way to get Suzaku to open up, this certainly was not it. Hiten would first have to be strong enough to handle the truth. Snapping at Suzaku in the living room was obviously a step backward. That redhead could smell fear...

'How can I convince him to be honest with me?'

Hiten stared down at the slit beneath Jakotsu's door, where the light and muffled voices seeped through. The two within that room were still talking about something…  
'I wonder if he's honest with Jakotsu...'

Maybe so. Maybe Suzaku had shared all of his secrets with his dearest friend, just like he'd shared his body… Immediately Hiten halted that train of thought. He then attempted to shake off the jealousy that rose in response. Already his heart had begun to beat harder and he had to consciously force himself to stop gritting his teeth. 'Just walk away,' he told himself, and miraculously his legs obeyed. He wandered into his bedroom and took a seat on the bed, carefully counting to ten as he took in his serene; silent, calming familiar surroundings.

He sat on the bed and forced himself to focus on something else. Thinking back to group therapy was very helpful for controlling fury. The meditation techniques were best.  
'Hey, I'm getting better at this…' Hiten smiled as he put his hands together. His Blackberry began to vibrate again, and for once he was not pissed at the distraction. "Goodnight," was all Tekkei's last message said. 'I think so too,' he sent back. She responded with "what?" but he only snickered as he shut off the Blackberry.

This was perfect. If he could keep up this calm state and present it to Suzaku, he just might be able to get some information out of that stubborn redhead. He just had to proceed with caution and delicate sensitivity… 'Okay, first I'll pretend I'm doing something important.' He pulled his briefcase onto the bed and retrieved his laptop. This way Suzaku wouldn't notice Hiten had spent the last hour obsessing over him…

* * *

'Wonder what Hiten's doing right now…'  
_**"wonder what Hiten tastes like right now."**_  
_**"wonder what he's wearing."**_  
_**"wonder if he's awake"**_

Suzaku absently stroked his best friend's smooth, greenish hair as the voices in his head continued to comment on his every thought. Jakotsu had fallen asleep in his lap, so now was the perfect time to sneak out of the room. He carefully moved to place the cross dresser's head onto a pillow and stood to leave, planting a gentle kiss on that cute, sleeping face.

_**"Maybe Hiten's asleep too."**_  
_**"He better not be. We want to cuddle."**_  
_**"Let's go wake him up."**_

'So annoying,' Suzaku grumped, switching off the light as he left his best friend and headed back over to Hiten's room. He slid into the room in silence, but found that he needn't have bothered. His lover was not asleep, but was sitting on the bed, tapping away at his laptop. What could he be doing, writing emails at this time of night? Suzaku meant to ask this, but he was immediately distracted. His sharp green eyes had just fallen on the alarm clock. He froze, staring hard at the bright red numbers. '6:66 Impossible.' Yet there it was, clear as day.  
He took a step closer and lightly brushed his fingers over the plastic buttons on the top. 'Snooze, Alarm, Set…' He pressed each of them, but the display on the clock did not change. 'What the hell?'

_**"This stupid clock!"**_  
_**"Is it making fun of us?!"**_  
_**"What nerve!"**_  
_**"You should break this stupid thing!"**_  
_**"Yes, break it, break it!"**_

'What is he doing?' Hiten watched his boyfriend with interest. Suzaku was tinkering with the alarm clock. The display changed many times. At first the time was correct, '9:58', but then the numbers spun around to '10:23' and '2:34.' Each time he pressed the Set button, of course the clock moved forward in time, but it seemed like this was frustrating the strangely behaving redhead. Hiten decided to just let him be, and turned back to his laptop to shut it down for the night. But just as the 'windows is shutting down' displayed, a loud crash issued from behind him and he whipped back around. 'What the hell?'

Suzaku was standing in exactly the same place, but now the alarm clock was gone.  
"What'd you do Suzaku?"

"I didn't mean to!" the redhead immediately professed. Hiten didn't know what to say. He looked around, but the alarm clock was nowhere in the room. "Suzaku…" He sighed, finally realizing what must have happened, "did you seriously just throw my clock out the door?"

"But Hiten…"  
Suzaku had his head bowed and was fidgeting with his Kotori. He looked so obviously guilty, but the way he pouted with those big pink lips was so cute. "It was mocking me…"

'Wow.'  
It took just about every ounce of Hiten's self restraint to not laugh at this ridiculous situation.  
'But this is perfect!' Suzaku obviously expected Hiten to be annoyed. If he could handle this just the right way, he could get the redhead to lower his guard…

Hiten stood then and wandered out to try to find the clock. Luckily it had not broken, but there were some telling black marks on the walls of the hallway. The clock had traveled quite a distance. Vaguely he wondered if Suzaku had ever played baseball. 'No wonder he's such a good catcher!' Hiten laughed at his own lame joke as he scooped up the battered alarm clock.

When he returned to the room, the redhead bowed in apology, but Hiten waved it off and easily restored the alarm clock. "It's fine, Su-Chan. See? No harm done…" Once it was plugged in and set, he turned it around so that the numbers faced the wall and asked Suzaku if this was more tolerable. "Is that better? Is it mocking still?"

Suzaku shook his head, but he still seemed to be eyeing the clock with apprehension. Hiten left it at that. He decided to go ahead and return his laptop to the safety of his briefcase. It was probably only a matter of time before it too wound up in pieces on the floor. And if that happened it would be much harder to contain his temper…

"Does the telephone mock you too?" Hiten wondered aloud, but of course Suzaku refused to answer. He merely lay down on the bed with his long red hair hanging off the side as he gazed around. From his point of view, the entire room was upside down.

"Hiten's standing on the ceiling…"

"Are you talking to yourself?" Again Suzaku did not answer, but he did watch intently as Hiten changed into his pajama bottoms. 'Wonder what Su-Chan is thinking…' Hiten crawled up onto the bed and Suzaku immediately moved to join him in settling comfortably down to sleep. The redhead snuggled against his chest and Hiten absently stroked his long red hair. "Sleepy?" Suzaku shook his head, but already his eyes were half closed and he buried his face into Hiten's shirt, stifling a cute little yawn. "Liar." It was impossible not to smile as Hiten watched his redheaded angel snuggle up to him, fighting off drowsiness like a stubborn child. "I want sex," those pouting lips confessed, but Hiten dodged the kiss. "That can wait."

"Wait?" Suzaku looked perplexed, like he'd never heard of such a word. 'Come to think of it, I've never said anything like that to him…' But it was the truth. Suzaku was impatient, while Hiten didn't mind taking everything in stride. As far as he was concerned, anything could wait, especially if Suzaku didn't seem up for it.  
"Until tomorrow," he clarified, "or the day after that."

"Why?"

"Well why not?"  
That beautiful head cocked to the side, and Suzaku looked like he didn't know whether to feel pleased or insulted. "You worry too much." Hiten sighed, rolling over so the redhead slid onto the mattress beside him. Immediately he pulled his lover into a comfortable embrace and closed his eyes, encouraging his sleepy companion to do the same. "Time hardly matters, Su-Chan" he whispered, shaking off the embarrassment that came with making his intentions more clear. "Today is just as good as tomorrow, or even next year. I want you now and I'll want you then." Hiten had expected Suzaku to say something to that; to express some kind of joy after hearing those words, but when he opened his eyes he found that his redheaded companion had already fallen fast asleep! Either that or he was having another spell of catatonia…

"What a pain…" Hiten sighed as his unconscious angel slept on, blissfully unaware of everything and everyone. It would be impossible to untangle himself from Suzaku without waking him, so Hiten merely settled back down in their comfortable embrace. Vaguely he noticed his companion's sweet-scented neck smelled nothing like Jakotsu tonight. 'Mine.' Hiten knew he shouldn't think like that, but he wanted so desperately to believe it were true. The gentle warmth of this flawless body was so much more soothing when he considered that only he held a special place in that gently beating heart. But at the moment he'd rather swap places with that insufferable Jakotsu. If only Suzaku would be honest with him like he was with that loudmouth cross dresser. 'I'm in his heart. Now if I could just get into his head…'

Those white letters flashed through Hiten's mind again, bright like the nagging LCD of Tekkei's incessant text messages. "Lilly. But what does that mean?"

"It's just someone's name."

Hiten startled, nearly falling off the bed. "You're awake?!"  
Those green eyes blinked at him; dubious. "Duh." Not only was Suzaku awake, but he suddenly seemed as if he was not even the least bit drowsy. "Don't mess with my meds."

"Sorry…"

"I forgot to take a shower." Suzaku said that as if it were pertinent to their conversation.  
Then he promptly got to his feet and left the room. For a while Hiten just lay there, too stunned to even move. 'That. Was. Weird.'

"Maybe I should follow him?" He didn't really know why, but this situation was reminding him of one from years back. Suzaku had been zoned out a lot during their courtship. Hiten remembered those odd, two-headed drawings and depictions of himself with angel wings… The way those hands traced over pictures like that as if it were normal, obvious that he should have two heads while Hiten should be the angelic one. Maybe the difference was just that Suzaku was so ashamed of his illness. He had been so surprised when Hiten admitted he'd loved him way back then. Watching him paint pictures like that should have been anything but romantic, but there was just something special about that nonsensical, spacey redhead. Even back then Hiten had loved the way he smelled and cherished every excuse he could find to touch that flawless body…

'Fine…' Hiten stood, deciding to go along with his obvious desire to stay near to his Suzaku.  
For the sake of courtesy he made sure to knock before entering the bathroom, but his pet was not even undressed yet. Instead Suzaku stood at the sink, staring fixedly at his own reflection. One of those thin hands reached out, the redhead paused before touching the glass. "It's not real," those sweet pink lips whispered. It seemed as if he were trying to convince himself…

'Perfect!' Suzaku was exhibiting symptoms even when he knew Hiten was watching.  
Careful. Gentle. The tone of voice had to be just calm enough. Every movement had to be subtle enough…

"What's not real, pet?" Hiten wrapped his arms around his redheaded lover, holding him tenderly. "Tell me what you see, Love…"

'Love.' That word was just a carefully manipulated afterthought, but it made all the difference.

"Sometimes…" Suzaku whispered, closing his hand on thin air. "I see things, but then I can not touch them, so I know they cannot be real. Other times I feel things that no one else can see." He seemed so sad; ashamed.  
"Even when I say it out loud. It still won't go away. -Can't control it. Not at all…"

"Hmm…" Hiten kissed him absently, nuzzling up against that warm, sweet-scented neck. 'Hallucinations?'  
But Hiten knew just how to encourage him. "Well Su-Chan, I bet I can feel something you can't see…"

"Really?"

"Yeah," he squeezed that delicate body with obvious affection, snuggling closer as he questioned, "can you feel your red string of fate? The one they say ties your fate?"

"No."

"Well I can feel mine."

"Really?" Those green eyes widened in amazement and Hiten pulled him closer, nodding.  
"Want to know where it is?"

"Yeah."

"Around my neck," he whispered, pressing a kiss to Suzaku's. "But that's only half of it."

"Where's the other half then?"

'So cute!' That sweet little voice was so earnestly curious…  
"You should know," Hiten teased, trailing kisses down his lovely companion's arm. He took the time to kiss his hand, then each and every one of his delicate fingers, until he reached the smallest of them. "Here it is. Wrapped right around your little finger."

'Oh, he's flirting with me!' Suzaku blushed as Hiten took that finger into his mouth, teasing his tongue right up to the tip. The heat sent tingling ripples into his body; swirling, waves of immediate arousal. "Wait."

Hiten moved to kneel before his beautiful companion, ignoring that half-hearted plea.  
He traced wet kisses along Suzaku's navel as well, carelessly lifting his shirt out of the way. He simply loved the way his lips left these hot pink marks on that snow white skin. The way those emerald eyes glazed over with earnest desire...

"But Hiten..."

"Hmm?" Hiten absently trailed his tongue lower, tugging Suzaku's pants out of the way so he could worship the lines of his hips. "I have to shower first..."

"Why? You bathed this morning," he shrugged, working those tight silk pants down past the swell of those voluptuous hips. "Don't be such a woman. Showers just fuck up the taste."  
"Hiten!" Suzaku blushed furiously as Hiten swept forward and pressed an especially long, wet kiss right between his legs. "Mmm…"

"Wait, wait!" Suzaku gasped, shoving his insistent partner away, but this only seemed to please Hiten more.  
"I can bathe you, if you like," he offered, standing to help Suzaku out of his shirt.

"Like a cat, you know…"  
Hiten then trailed his tongue all the way up Suzaku's chest until he reached and nipped playfully at his neck, purring all the while. Apparently he was very aware of how catlike those chocolate eyes were…  
'This is way too embarrassing…' Suzaku stifled a shuddering moan, kneading his fingers through that smooth black hair. Hiten went right on bathing him in kisses; carefree and silently, unflinchingly affectionate.

'Something strange is happening…'

It was so quiet. Even in the bathroom, where words always echoed, there was no sound.  
'Hiten causes this?' The voices had fallen silent. The world stood still. No dizziness. There was only heat and affection; only those chocolate eyes and tender kisses. "Come back to bed my love…" Hiten was still talking but Suzaku didn't hear a single word. 'love.' That's all that really mattered. It was still so hard to believe. How had his Hiten changed so? He was like his eyes now, catlike and affectionate. Maybe not a housecat, of course, but perhaps a lion; regal, powerful, and dominant.

Or maybe he hadn't changed at all. Maybe Suzaku was only just beginning to see him clearly, because he now spoke the way he acted. Those affectionate kisses were nothing new, but the words still rang foreign and exotic in his ears. _'my love.'_

"I can tell you want to." Hiten whispered, nuzzling those flushed pink cheeks. Suzaku looked so cute when he was embarrassed. "Come back to bed…" Those green eyes blinked slowly; glazed with silent lust, and it didn't seem like the stubborn redhead was even listening. He was zoned out again; simply lost in his own thoughts. Vaguely Hiten wondered if Suzaku was thinking only of him. 'I hope so.' Suzaku seemed pleased. It was now or never… Carefully Hiten reached over and retrieved the little orange bottle. "Have you taken one of these today?"

Again Suzaku didn't answer, but he did turn to look when Hiten held up one of the pills.  
Lilly; the little white mystery. Should it be taken with water or dissolved on the tongue? Hiten couldn't be sure, but he did know what would happen if he tried to feed it directly to his stubborn little phoenix. So instead of risking being bitten or pissing Suzaku off, he merely pressed that pearl into one of those smooth, delicate palms. "I love you…" Those words were like a sugary glaze; the perfect way to make that bitter little pill taste just a bit more sweet…

That stubborn, nonsensical redhead was smiling now, snuggling closer. Something about those words seemed to resonate with him; penetrate the haze of whatever strange illness caused him to feel such confusion. "Hiten…"

"Hmm?"

"Say that again."

"You're so ridiculous." He sighed, and again he moved, trying to coax Suzaku out of the bathroom. "Come back to bed with me and I'll say it."

"Does that mean you only love me in bed?"

"Su-Chan," Hiten forced himself not to sigh, "Is it so hard to believe that I love you just as much even when I'm not saying it out loud or like… ramming it into you?"

"You do?"

"Yes, you crazy little thing!" Hiten practically growled as he scooped the stubborn redhead up into his arms, lifting him bridal-style. "Even when you see strange things, zone out, break the telephone and forget to take three showers a day."

"Really?"

Hiten rolled his eyes as he finally touched back down on his own bed. "So fucking stubborn."

Suzaku giggled when he heard this. He popped that pill right into his mouth like it was candy, tittering once he'd swallowed. "There, now say it again like you promised."

"I love you," He asserted, kissing those sweet pink lips. Suzaku practically mewled in his joy, trying to pull him closer. His lovely green eyes were watering though, and Hiten backed up to ask him about this. "What's wrong?"

"I forgot I'm supposed to take Lilly with a whole cup of water."

"Baka!" Hiten practically dropped him and hurried off to get his lover a glass of water.

'Oh, I think I like this. Hiten won't leave me alone. Does he want me to be his master tonight?'  
Suzaku tested this theory when his lover returned, thankfully accepting the cup. He downed the contents in one gulp and tossed it aside, earning himself another annoyed growl from his irked pet lion. "Come here," he interrupted, before Hiten could pick it back up.

"You're such a pain in the ass." Hiten scoffed but still obeyed. Suzaku caught hold of him immediately and snuggled up as close as he could. Hiten was so cute when he was pissed off. "Kiss me." he pouted, even though he knew his companion would not refuse. Suzaku was finally starting to catch onto the way Hiten worked. Apparently he really would do anything if he knew Suzaku wanted it. 'A string wrapped around my finger?' No, surely Hiten himself was wrapped around Suzaku's little finger. That's what he wanted to say…

_'Time hardly matters, Su-Chan. Today is just as good as tomorrow, or even next year. _  
_I want you now and I'll want you then.'_

Yes, Suzaku had been awake. He'd heard every word but was too terrified to buy into it.

_**"He's lying."**_  
_**"Just like Oto-San."**_  
_**"Nothing is forever. Nothing."**_  
'Not for me anyway…'

But oh, it felt so amazing to pretend it were true… Those sweet, heated kisses returned to Suzaku's cold, undeserving body once again and he wished for nothing more than to wrap his Hiten even closer so that he could never, ever leave. He refused to believe the sentiment those chocolate eyes were trying to feed him. Nothing lasted forever. That's just the way the cruel world worked. Life itself would fizzle out someday, just like those passionate, heated kisses. Suzaku's mind was constantly plagued with this fact. No matter how close they grew, no matter how badly he wanted Hiten, he knew that someday, they would ultimately have to part.

"Hiten…"

"Hmm?" His mouth was full, and he didn't seem to care enough to quit running his tongue out over Suzaku's inner thighs. The gentle suckling tingled, teasing a response between his legs and the bruises beneath Hiten's lips were beginning to turn mauve... "What is it, pet?"

"Will you stay with me?"

"I am here already."

"Yeah but, how long will you stay with me?"

"Lessee…" Hiten considered the time and quickly did the math. "Well I have work tomorrow at ten, so that means just about twelve more hours."

"That's not what I meant."

"Explain then," Hiten sighed, absently beginning to take his own pants off. 'I'm so stupid. Why'd I go and undress Su-Chan after I told him we'd fuck tomorrow?' And anyway, why did Suzaku have to taste so nice anyway? It seemed that for every ounce more frustrating he got, he grew more desirable as well...

"Like…" Suzaku thought it over, encouraging when Hiten dipped back down between his legs and began to lick, as if he were enjoying an ice cream cone. "Ooh, that feels nice…"

"Finish what you were saying," Hiten prompted, pausing in his current worship of that glossy vanilla rod, but apparently Suzaku had decided he had more important things to focus on. Those long red nails gently slid into his hair, tugging downward; encouraging. "Don't stop..."  
'Alright,' Hiten shrugged, returning his mouth to that smooth, earnestly swelling, heated candy.  
Su-Chan moaned his name, panting as he watched, and something about those lust-laden eyes suddenly sparked with curiosity. Suzaku ran two of his fingers over himself, seeming intrigued. "That tastes nice?" he wondered, seeming surprised when Hiten nodded. "Very."

"Oh…"  
Was that intrigue or pleasure? Probably a little bit of both. Was Suzaku trying to say that he'd never tasted anyone else? Now that Hiten thought about it, he realized he could not recall a single time when he had ever had the pleasure of being inside of that delectable mouth... Suddenly he wondered what it would feel like. Had those plump pink lips never before allowed anyone inside? "Su-Chan, you've never sucked anyone off?"

Immediately Suzaku turned away, either embarrassed or ashamed. "Never mind…"  
He was so incurably adorable. Somehow everything he said seemed erotic. "Did you want to try and see what I taste like?" Hiten wondered, amused by the sudden red tinge on those cute pink cheeks. He obviously wanted to, but for whatever reason, Suzaku seemed hesitant. "I- I don't think I can do that…"

"Its not as hard as it looks." he assured, running his tongue along the entirety of his adorable lover's length. Suzaku shuddered without meaning to. Maybe Hiten was wrong. Maybe he was just very good at this…  
He sat up and easily rid himself of his boxers. "Here," he offered, "You can experiment with mine if you like. You don't have to actually suck on it or whatever."

The redhead was immediately intrigued. He stood on all fours and crawled right over, looking much like a curious little kitten. His long red hair tickled Hiten's legs as he reached down and timidly pressed a finger to the larger, slightly darker head. Maybe Suzaku had never even gotten a proper look at it before now…

"Yours is much bigger," he whispered. He dipped down, but froze, apparently unable to touch it with his mouth. "Hey Hiten…"

"Hmm?" Absently he began to pet his adorable companion, amused by the way he looked so curious.

"Does it taste like chocolate?" This question caught Hiten way off guard, but he kindly resisted the urge to laugh. "Has someone been telling you lies, Su-Chan?" he wondered, shaking his head, "It shouldn't taste any different than the rest of me. Yours tastes a lot like your neck."

"Oh…" Again Suzaku attempted to appease his curiosity, but could not seem to will himself into even opening his mouth. There was something so erotic about watching him kneeling like that. Hiten had never considered it before, but now he wondered just how amazing it would feel to fuck his beautiful lover in this new way. Just thinking about it was making him harder…

"Come here," he wanted to kiss those timid pink lips, but suddenly Suzaku startled. He shoved Hiten away, recoiling as if he'd just tried to hurt him. Out of nowhere the fear set in and Suzaku put his face in his hands, mumbling while shaking his head. "I can't, I can't…" He whimpered, as if he were being persecuted. "I'm sorry. Please, don't be mad…"

"Hey now," Hiten immediately made to alleviate his fears. "Why would I be mad? Don't be silly, Su-Chan."  
The shivering didn't stop but Suzaku hesitantly allowed himself to be held. "It's okay," Hiten assured, kissing him, "Whatever you're worrying about, just stop okay?"

Gently Hiten pried those hands away from that miserable, suddenly tear-streaked face and nuzzled up, kissing the wetness away. "Don't leave," those quivering lips insisted, and Suzaku pulled him close, crawling up onto his lap. "I want you. I swear. Don't leave. If you leave-"

"You shush!" Hiten insisted, feeling overwhelmed by the sudden change in his lover's attitude.  
In one split second Suzaku had gone from curious to terrified and then to insistent and clingy. It didn't make any sense, but he still intended to kill the anxiety. "I'm right here. I won't go anywhere." He kissed those scared pink lips, rubbing the tears from that beautiful face. "I. Love. You." he spoke between the kisses, trying to squeeze Suzaku even tighter than the panicked redhead was holding him. This technique seemed to take effect...

Slowly Suzaku began to calm back down. "Say that again," he insisted, meeting those concerned chocolate eyes with his watery emerald ones. Hiten repeated himself, and then their lips met in a forcibly passionate kiss. What had just happened?

Surely poor Hiten didn't understand any of it. But all Suzaku could think of were those teasing voices.

_'We wonder when you'll betray Hiten too, just like poor Oto-san…'_  
'But I didn't mean to. What happened to Oto-San was not my fault…'  
He could tell himself that all day long and never truly believe it. He remembered those warm, powerful arms and could even recall the way those smooth lips tasted. A little less sweet compared to Hiten's. There was only one person to blame for the fact that Suzaku could never touch Kujaku Midari again. He'd never even be able to see Oto-San again. No one could…

'But it wont be like before. It can't be. I won't ever let my Hiten leave …' Their kiss had not even broken yet. Suddenly Suzaku became painfully aware of the fact that he was naked, sitting atop his lover. Each of his senses seemed to heighten. His entire body positively ached for Hiten.

The moans escaped of their own accord, swallowed up by that wet, deepening kiss as he slid a hand between their tightly joined bodies. Hiten caught on. Their tongues danced and wrestled furiously as he moved so that his weeping arousal just barely touched the head of his companion's porcelain length. Immediately Suzaku caught hold of both of them in one hand so the smooth, intimate connection could build friction. It was almost too easy to encourage that stiff, dripping pleasure. "Make love to me, okay?" He broke their kiss just long enough to beg this, even though he knew it was unnecessary. Hiten was already hard. He must have wanted it just as badly… Carefully Suzaku hoisted himself up, only to lower himself back down onto his thick, heated target. He bit back the painful shudder, coaxing his lover more fully into his body, but Hiten was too sharp to let that noise slip. He caught those beautiful hips, ignoring Suzaku's protests, and promptly shoved the redhead back, pinning him against the mattress. "Hiten-"

"No." He kissed those frowning pink lips, ignoring the way Suzaku tugged, trying to get him to thrust deeper. "That's going to hurt you."

"I know."

'Why does he want it?' This wasn't the first time Hiten had realized Suzaku actually wanted to be abused.  
But why, he just could not figure out. Rough sex was fine, but at this rate Suzaku was going to make himself bleed. Hiten broke their intimate connection, earning a disappointed whimper from his insistent companion. "Shush Su-Chan…"

"But-"

"No." He asserted, not leaving any room for argument. Suzaku writhed in frustration but Hiten held him down, reaching over to the bedside drawer. It only took a moment to massage some lube between those beautiful legs, and for extra measure Hiten coated himself with it as well. "Yes..." Suzaku moaned when he teased himself back up against that tight, heated entrance. "Hard," he commanded, throwing his head back as Hiten obeyed. Those bloodred fingernails slid into his mouth as Suzaku let out a hoarse, shuddering scream.

'Harder, faster,' He insisted with his body, letting his eyes screw shut as his powerful lover slammed into him again and again. It hurt so good. Only this sweeping, intense pleasure could drown out the fear and loneliness. Oh, terrible, pleading loneliness... But that emotion ceased to exist when his precious lover was literally inside of him. So Suzaku wanted to feel that in its most painful, intense form. Rape would be ideal, but this felt almost as perfect.

'Oto-San, this is for you…'

"I'm sorry." Suzaku whispered to the man he knew could never hear him again, never touch him again. And sweet Hiten kissed him in response; not understanding but still willing to comfort.  
'If I'd let Oto-San do something like this to me… Maybe he would still be alive.'

In reality there was no maybe. Suzaku knew it was all his fault. If only he had allowed it, Kujaku would have been his lover. Merciless, heart-wrenching refusal had been the very last sentiment Suzaku had left with the father who'd loved him so. The memories just would not be suppressed any longer. The truth hurt so much more than physical pain ever could.

'But Oto-san hurt me too…' Maybe Suzaku was guilty, but so was Kujaku. Suzaku remembered the unforgivable abuse. He especially remembered the vivid taste of that chocolate flavored lubricant. Now, even years later, he just could not stomach having anything even remotely similar to that in his mouth. But he still hoped that Hiten could be satisfied with the entrance between his legs instead, because he needed so desperately to be made love to.

With each vigorous thrust, the pain of his body would smother the pain in his heart. Shame and domination; pleading, delicious silence. With Hiten's skillful, rhythmic love to distract him it would be impossible to remember what was impossible to forget. Chocolate. That disgusting, despicable chocolate taste was chased out of Suzaku's gasping mouth, replaced with those wet, soothing kisses. Perfect, powerful Hiten knew just what to do, even though he would be disgusted by the reason.

"Oh, Hiten…" Why did this have to feel so amazing? Suzaku could not even stop his mouth making such humiliating sounds. His entire body ached with pressure and screamed for release. "Please, please…"  
'Want me, love me, don't ever leave me.' If only Suzaku were shameless enough to beg such things. Hiten's powerful, crashing hips did not pause for even a moment. It would be over soon. Surely no one could stand something so delicious for very long… "Hiten…"

"What is it, love?" Oh, that deep, purring voice. Those dark bedroom eyes. Hiten was just naturally mesmerizing. He made it nearly impossible to think or speak, but Suzaku had to.  
"Don't…" he had to pause, overwhelmed with humiliation and pleasure. "Don't finish when I do, okay?"

Hiten seemed confused, but he nodded anyway. "Just keep going," the redhead instructed, "so I'll be too tired to stay awake tonight…" Suzaku knew he was being selfish but his precious Hiten loved him too much to care. "Please…"

'Make me forget,' Suzaku wanted so badly to whisper those words. But instead he bit back another shuddering moan, painting white onto that tight, tanned chest. "Don't stop," he insisted, whining when Hiten paused. But luckily his dominant partner merely reached down and swiped the uncomfortable liquid from his chest. Those intense cat eyes locked with his once more and Hiten absently licked his fingers before picking right back up with that amazing, smoothly crashing rhythm.

* * *

--------------------------------------------  
Humans  
We are compelled to relive meaningful events  
Sex and abuse are of the most powerful  
How can one break the cycle?

Can the clock be turned back? Reprogrammed?  
Can the memories ever fade away?

Or will the course continue; a vicious cycle  
Wearing down; the silent destruction  
Of a delicate, porcelain heart.

* * *

(AN2. The marvelously talented Kirayasha aka Kira has written a story starring my Suzaku and Hiten pairing!

"Strawberries, kisses, and you" is a steamy one-shot with merely 300 words!  
That is like 1/30th of this chapter alone. lol! Its amazing what she can do in such a short story!

So if you have a free 2 minutes, I strongly recommend giving Kira's story a read!  
You can find Kira by clicking the reviews link on this page!

Here is the summary for the story:

A midnight snack turns into a lover's tryst. Passion and pleasure collide in this sweet yet sensual tale. Chocolate bedroom eyes and insatiable strawberry lips; Hiten and Suzaku.

Give it a look! You won't be disappointed! :)


	26. Death in His Arms

disclaimer  
I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.  
(Although I wish I did own those adorable, wonderful, super kawaii, sexy little sons of...ahem! anyways)  
I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.  
I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.  
- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

**Not For All The World**

* * *

(AN. About the last chapter: Catatonia. For the record, please do NOT ever give medication to someone who is in a catatonic state! First of all, they will probably choke. Secondly, if they swallow it, the medicine could make it worse. Catatonic behavior is a negative symptom, which usually does not respond well/quickly to medication. Someone who has a symptom like that is most likely aware that they sometimes "zone out" and will snap back out of it after a few moments. No harm done, even thought they may have no recollection of what they missed while they were out. Also, catatonia should not be allowed to persist for say 20 minutes or more. Because it's not that the person doesn't want to move, it's that they can't. As a general rule, always call the police if there's a chance someone could get hurt while they're unconscious.

To be specific, Suzaku's catatonic behavior is known as "waxy Flexibility". It really does cause the person to freeze up like a fully poseable wax doll. If you ever run into this in real life, don't freak out, but do call a professional.

Now, as for the current chapter: there's a bit of flashback at the beginning. Suzaku is 7 for a little while. Herein we delve deeper into Suzaku's mysterious illness. Like the darkness at the bottom of the ocean, nothing is clear anymore. There is not much light to guide the way. Will we even find our way back to the surface?)

Terminology:

Okama: Slang for an effeminate male. Faggot.  
ChiChi-Ue: Father. The shorter, ChiChi that Suzaku uses is an affectionate nickname.

* * *

------------------

**Chapter Twenty-Six: Death in His Arms**

Suzaku could not stop crying. Mama's gentle hands brought little comfort. She cooed words of support and leaned down to offer him his very favorite stuffed animal; a large pink rabbit. Suzaku refused to accept it however, and turned away from her. "Where's Chichi? I want Chichi!" he insisted.

"Papa is at work," she sighed, "he won't be back until nighttime."

This response only made Suzaku more upset. Why did Mama always say that? And how come Chichi was always at work? Work was a stupid place anyway. It was probably just as awful as the nightmare everyone called 'school.' "I won't go to school anymore." He promptly decided.  
Tears were a waste of time. Instead he would simply refuse to do what was expected of him.

"Darling, you have to go to school," his mother replied.

"No I don't." The stubborn redhead crossed his arms over his chest, refusing to back down.  
"If Chichi doesn't have to come home then I don't have to go to school."

"It's Chichi-ue…"

"Chichi!"

Mama just couldn't stop sighing. It wasn't often that Suzaku presented with such a difficult attitude. In fact, this may have been only the second time she'd seen it, even though Suzaku was already six years old. She knew that he was just upset; trying to hide how brokenhearted he truly felt… "Shall I call Papa?"

"Yes!" Those big green eyes looked up with sudden hopeful joy. It was impossible to refuse those wet, tear-streaked cheeks. "Then I will see if he can come back home."  
She made to fulfill her promise, leaving the little redhead alone on the couch. Looking back, she noticed that Suzaku almost immediately retrieved his pink rabbit. 'My poor baby…' Suzaku looked so cute snuggling that rabbit…

The electronic hum of the ringer continued for many moments before her husband finally answered his cellphone. "What do you want?" was his greeting. He sounded annoyed, as usual. Midari Kujaku was just the type to assume his duties were more important than anyone else's.

"Your son is very upset," Mama whispered, hurrying into the kitchen so Suzaku could not overhear. "I had to pick him up from school early today. His teacher said the other kids were picking on him: Pulling his hair and calling him names…"

"My Chibisu!?" Now Kujaku's tone of voice had changed entirely. He usually paused to bark instructions at the other people around him and was obviously busy, but the moment the word 'son' registered his attention was hers and hers alone. "What kind of names?"

"Sissy and okama…"

"What? Children don't use words like that."

"Yes they do Midari-sama. His teacher said it happens a lot."

Kujaku didn't say anything to that, but he did make a noise in the back of his throat. It sounded like he'd just choked on something very foul, like he'd accidentally taken a swig of gasoline.

"You should come home and talk to Suzaku."

"I have to-"

"But he wont talk to me! He keeps asking for 'Chichi'."

"…"

"Are you going to come?"

"Oh, Mama you should know…" Suddenly Kujaku was laughing. The noise in the background seemed to fade away. "I'm already on my way."

'If my Chibisu wants me, I'd go anywhere…'  
Kujaku hit the power button instead of merely hanging up and promptly tossed his cellphone onto his desk. He still needed to put in at least seven more hours, but that could wait until tomorrow, or next month. He couldn't get to the parking deck fast enough.

"Okama. Suzaku, do you know what that word means?"

Mama sat beside Suzaku, but those green eyes refused to look at her. He didn't want to talk. He never wanted to talk. She hated to see him looking so miserable. He'd pulled his knees up to his chest and still hugged that rabbit. That visit to his school had made it painfully obvious that Suzaku was both the youngest, smallest and most ostracized child in his classroom…

"Suzaku what did you do that made the other kids call you those names?"

"…"

"Suzaku?"

"I'm hungry." Suzaku whispered slyly. And oh, it was almost too easy. Mama rose immediately and headed off toward the kitchen. She was like a robot. If he said the right command, she would switch into 'mother' mode and go off to do whatever household duties were necessary… Suzaku didn't want to talk. Why did she insist on asking questions she knew he didn't want to answer? Chichi wasn't like that. Chichi spoke the same language as Suzaku; physical communication.

Puffy red eyes stared down into lifeless black. His stuffed rabbit was almost larger than his torso. Suzaku had always been small, but only when he was at school did he feel so insignificant. He didn't know why, but understood he was different from the other boys. None of them even wore the same type of clothing. ChiChi always bought Suzaku's outfits and Mama always packed him lunches that were different too. The other kids called him 'spoiled' and were always jealous of his 'fancy' possessions. Suzaku was also one of the very few children who did not walk home from school. His mother always picked him up in her 'fancy' car, with her perfect hair and shiny high heels. Luckily Mama didn't notice the types of names those kids called her…

'Mama's so lucky. She's a girl...' How unfortunate that schools had to be segregated. Suzaku had repeatedly asked why he could not be in the girls' class. The boys were just intolerable with their rough and tumble play and their course, rude language. Usually the other kids would not physically him, but today had been different…

"ChibiSu…"

Suzaku was startled out of his thoughts.

Chichi swooped right down like the regal falcon he was and Suzaku immediately launched himself into those powerful arms. "How sweet," Kujaku chuckled, lifting his son with ease as he sat on the couch and allowed Suzaku to make himself more comfortable on his lap. That adorable little face was hopelessly buried into his hair before he'd even had the chance to say hello. 'So my ChibiSu is so sad because of his school?'

Well that problem was simple enough.  
"ChibiSu you don't want to go to that school anymore?" Kujaku absently stroked that smooth red hair as he asked, and Suzaku immediately shook his head. "No, no more. I hate it."

"Then I will find you a new school." Father said that like it was so simple…

"Really?"

"Yep." Action. That's what Kujaku Midari believed in. Talking was just the same as dallying; a waste of time. If his son did not like that school then he would simply need to attend a new one.

The pink rabbit tumbled to the floor as Suzaku snuggled into his embrace. ..

Kisses, kisses, and more kisses, that's all that Suzaku needed.  
"I love you…" Father whispered, nuzzling his precious little Sparrow. Today was what Suzaku called a 'good' day. They were father and son; mutually affectionate and calm. The frustration was not there, and neither was the fear. "Oh so much…"

"What did you want for dinner?" Mama had wandered back out but Father immediately snapped at her for interrupting. "Shut up. Stay in the kitchen where you belong."

"That's not nice…" Suzaku mumbled into his father's neck, absently clinging to absorb the warmth of his affection. "Oh, I'm sorry, ChibiSu." Kujaku pressed a few more kisses onto his cheek, lacing those tiny fingers with his own. "Love you, love you, love you…"

Those words held something magical, especially when combined with the kisses. Did Kujaku know that? Did he feel the warmth and the fluttering joy? The cruel taunts and uncomfortable, cold sting of reality seemed to melt away into his strong, protective arms. 'Okama.' Well unfortunately it was true. Suzaku already knew that. But even words like that held nothing when compared to the strength of 'love.' And no one knew how to communicate that better than Kujaku, with his tender kisses and gentle, affectionate eyes…

"I love you too."

That made Kujaku smile. He leaned closer and whispered the words Suzaku had hoped for. "Don't worry, ChibiSu. You are not the only Okama here…"

'Good.' Powerful, regal and handsome; the perfect partner. The passing years made that increasingly obvious, but Suzaku refused to admit. In time the shame overtook the power of their bond, and Suzaku pushed that affection away time and again until finally the decision was no longer his to make. It was sudden. A spatter of scarlet regret, and that was it. Oto-San, Chichi, or Kujaku. The titles ceased to matter since his life itself ceased. Everything faded; the taste of his kiss and warmth of his caress…

Even the love itself became nothing but a memory.  
Love and life. How cruel that one should ever survive the other.

_'What good, this potion of everlasting life? If I will never see my love again?'_

Suzaku had always felt a strong connection with that tale. He lived for love, but at the same time hated how difficult it was to maintain an intimate relationship. Something as precious and powerful as love could be destroyed so suddenly, so easily. Suzaku had learned this in the cruelest of ways. The two people he'd known and loved best for the first eighteen years of his life had simply disappeared. So what, he had to wonder, was to stop Hiten from doing the very same thing? The answer, simply enough, was… nothing.

Loneliness. Sheer loneliness was his greatest fear. So many times the young redhead had sincerely wished Oto-san had been merciful enough to ensure the two of them could die together. At least then Suzaku would never have felt so completely and terribly alone...

_**"What good is this life without… love?"**_

So at age eighteen with those voices whispering in his ears, the clinic wristband shining on his wrist and even despite the heartache of knowing he'd never see his parents again, Suzaku walked the streets on a monday afternoon, determined to take advantage of his father's wealth for the very first time.

It wasn't difficult to choose the perfect gift. That smooth golden heart glinted with the same radiance as those perfect chocolate eyes. The chain was thick and very 'masculine' in Suzaku's opinion; suitable for someone like Hiten. In fact, it looked a bit more like the kind of chain you would see on handcuffs, rather than jewelry. Perfect. For Suzaku intended to bind Hiten permanently to himself.

This time would be different. This time he would carefully weave a web that could not be escaped. That is how it was supposed to be anyway. One should never leave their lover's side, unless of course, they did so in a body bag...

* * *

A little glimmer of gold flashed in the darkness.  
The whispers filled the room from every direction, mingling together; dancing.

**_"That's the locket."_**  
**_"Our locket." _**  
**_"The one you gave to Hiten."_**  
**_"Stupid boy, giving away your heart like that."_**

Completely unattached, unyielding, suddenly cruel voices… Everywhere.  
Though that beautiful golden glimmer shown still against the cold darkness.

**_"I've always loved you…what a stupid thing to say."_**  
**_"He won't love you back, maybe for an hour but never forever."_**  
**_"You kid yourself, even now, in his arms!"_**  
**_"Why do you bother?"_**  
**_"Bother to try, bother to live?"_**  
**_"Why don't you just die!"_**

Suzaku bolted upright, shaking a little as he emerged from fretful sleep. But at least while he was awake he could try to ignore the memories. 'Oto-San…'  
His tired eyes gazed around the room; curious. A soft glimmer of sunlight was seeping through the closed curtain. It must have been what had awoken him…But just as he thought this, his eyes caught sight of his still sleeping companion; Hiten. The sunlight was reflecting off of the large heart-shaped, golden locket hanging from his neck…

Hiten wore the locket at all times, even during showers, as if he were afraid to take it off. Maybe it was his most precious possession… Suzaku hadn't noticed before, but that golden chain was very thick. It was supposed to be a masculine piece of jewelry after all…  
The heart glinted in the sun again, teasing him and Suzaku wished suddenly that he could yank on it. But he restrained himself and merely sat still, watching the other man sleep. The little locket looked so beautiful, set against his soft, gently tanned skin…

_**"Grab it!"**_

Instead Suzaku's hands closed over his ears, pressing hard against his own head.  
He wanted to obey; he wanted to act on those voices which were so impossible to tune out.

**_"He's so handsome…"_**  
**_"Handsome in life, handsome in death."_**  
**_"Maybe that chain is strong enough to strangle him with…"_**  
**_"Pull it! Make some pretty purple bruises on his perfect neck."_**

It sounded just like there were other people in the room…  
These voices were not usually loud, but were insistent and had been growing stronger for days. He knew why, but could not easily put a stop to them. It had been weeks since he'd gone off his regular schedule of taking his medication, so it would be days before they took full affect again. At present it didn't seem like the one he'd taken last night had had any affect at all. If anything his symptoms were worse. Not only was he losing tracks of time due to the catatonia, but he was also beginning to suspect that his body could now move without his permission… 'Maybe because I can't stop thinking of Oto-san…' If only he could suppress those memories again… They were starting to have a powerfully negative effect. He was only getting sicker, even despite Hiten's comforting support. But those insistent voices just would not let him forget...

'Maybe if I just relax...'

Silence fell again and Suzaku lie back down, watching Hiten sleep. Those smooth shoulders rose and fell with each gentle breath, and sometimes his shining, jet black eyelashes fluttered. It was a rare, precious opportunity when Suzaku could just watch him like this. 'But should Hiten be sleeping?' Suzaku turned to look at the alarm clock, but it wasn't there… He tried, but couldn't recall if he'd done something to it.  
'Where has the clock gone?'

_**"We destroyed it."**_  
_**"While Hiten was sleeping."**_  
_**"Finally, finally. It won't bother you again"**_  
_**"You'll see. We can accomplish anything."**_  
_**"We have no law."**_

'Hope Hiten won't be pissed.'  
Hiten had skipped work for two days already, just to spend time with Suzaku before his business trip. Today he would definitely have to go back in, but judging by the bright sun outside, he was already very late. When Hiten finally awoke he would surely be very distressed…

_**"You don't care."**_

It was true. Suzaku couldn't have cared less about Hiten's job. In fact, he hated it..  
If it weren't for that stupid job, Hiten wouldn't have to go to Japan… There were only two days left until the dreaded business trip, and then he would leave. Back to Japan, back to his family, back to his memories and back to Bankotsu… Everything Hiten loved was in that country, not in America with Suzaku. 'What if he decides not to come back?'

**_"Of course he won't come back."_**  
**_"Who would for someone like you?"_**  
**_"You should just tie him down, and then he could never leave."_**

Again the voices piped up, whispering their poisonous suggestions.

**_"Think of it."_**  
**_"If you strangled him he would never even move again…"_**  
**_"Would that be such a tragedy?"_**

"I guess not."

The whisper had escaped his frowning lips before he could stop it. His fingers had closed upon the little golden chain and he wanted very much to yank it. Hiten did not stir.

**_"It would be so easy…"_**  
**_"It would be so sweet to hear him choke and sob. He would beg us to let him go…"_**  
**_"But why should we? We belong to him, but he belongs to us."_**  
**_"It is your right. Why don't you just take it?"_**  
**_"If you don't then he will just get up and leave. Just like always."_**  
**_"Once he knows about us, he will leave and never return…"_**  
**_"Or how about when he learns of Oto-San?"_**  
**_"Either way it's over. The past will out and destroy everything."_**  
**_"You know that. You'll be alone again very, very soon."_**

Suzaku smiled wryly, thinking that this was true even as his fingers released the little golden chain. "What are you doing? You'd just let him leave?!"  
'I love him…'  
_**"Pathetic. You'll be left alone"**_  
'But that's how it always is…'  
Maybe Hiten really would just up and leave, but that didn't mean Suzaku should hurt him because of it. Everyone else had left him after all. His illness was scary and permanent. It was only a matter of time before the truth surfaced and then Hiten would surely leave anyway. So Suzaku intended to stay by his side as long as possible. He loved him desperately…Each moment with Hiten was priceless. Each gentle caress was like oxygen to Suzaku's starved body. So enthralled was he with this man that he hardly slept for wanting to keep his eyes on him. 'I'd sooner kill myself…'

**_"Why? When we could kill him for you."_**  
**_"Don't worry, it won't hurt."_**  
**_"Not like what we did to Father."_**  
**_"There won't be any blood. We'll just suffocate him."_**

'Suffocate Hiten? I could never!'

**_"You don't have to."_**  
**_"We will."_**  
**_"And then we'll kill you too."_**  
**_"So you'll be together with him."_**  
**_"forever…"_**

'Together with Hiten forever…' Now that sounded nice… It really would be perfect if they could both just stop breathing at the same time. What a lovely way to die, lying peacefully beside the one you loved so completely…

But just as he thought this, those smooth black eyelashes blinked, and Hiten finally became conscious of his silent observer. A smile curved gently on his lips, even though his eyes were still half-lidded, not quite adjusted to the bright morning light. 'He has no idea…'

"Good morning, my lovely Su-Chan…"

Suzaku returned his smile and immediately pulled Hiten closer. 'Together with you…'  
"Hiten…" he whispered, "Make love to me." There was no room for questioning. Hiten wouldn't dare deny him… Their lips met, gentle and sweet, but before long the kiss had grown deeper and more passionate. His arms wrapped possessively around the one he never wanted to release and Suzaku wished feverishly that he could just melt into this man. That was his greatest desire; that two could somehow become one. That way he would never have to feel the painful sting of loneliness again…

**_"If only you could get him to squeeze you tighter, force the breath out of your lungs."_**  
**_"If only those lips would smother yours and never let you breathe again."_**  
**_"If you were dead… That would be so perfect."_**  
**_"To close your eyes in his arms and never wake again would be so perfect."_**  
**_"Peaceful, beautiful, perfect…"_**

"You're feeling better today?" Hiten sounded worried for a moment, but Suzaku hissed at him.  
"Don't talk. Kiss me. Touch me. Love me…" 'Distract me. Drown out all thoughts and memory…'

Hiten had to understand what he wanted; what he needed. Suzaku didn't need concern or medication. Just hot, passionate love. Nothing else meant anything. If only Hiten knew…

The miserable redhead leaned into those kisses and that touch. His eyes slid closed as the heat of his companion pressed more fully against him and Hiten moved to lay on top of him. Between the kisses he paused and whispered something, but what exactly Suzaku did not know. Nor did he care. The voices in his head turned into a flurry that sounded more like a buzz, and his breath hitched slightly, coming now in ragged and uneven moans. It was animalistic, desperate encouragement. "Please…"

It seemed that Suzaku was always begging like this, for his lover to touch him and kiss him.  
His body craved this stifling, passionate heat. He wanted to be shamed and dominated, and thankfully Hiten never failed to oblige. But it was not enough. It would never be enough to fill the aching void he kept hidden inside of himself…

**_"Use the necklace."_**  
'No.'  
**_"Wrap it around your wrist."_**  
'No.'  
**_"We'll do the rest!"_**  
'I can't!'

Hiten was speaking again, but Suzaku had closed his eyes and his mind. He focused only on those hands, only on what he could feel instead of what he could hear. Hiten's love soaked his entire body, like rain those kisses fell everywhere, completely oblivious to the turmoil in his mind. At moments like this, it was almost possible to ignore reality and fear. Time itself seemed to stand still while those heated caresses continued. Suzaku hadn't even noticed the cold on his legs when his lover shoved the blankets out of the way. His lower body ached with pressure that intensified painfully each time he felt those hands on him.

Careful, gentle fingers pressed inside. They were wet and smooth and moved with trained precision that made his back arch reflexively. His head swam with pleasure and the kisses just kept coming, timed perfectly with the steady pumping of those tantalizing fingers. Eventually Hiten replaced them with the much larger, much more painful object of his partner's true desire.  
Suzaku cried out as the pain momentarily overwhelmed, but still he begged for more. The moans escaped of their own accord, louder and faster with each quickening thrust. Delicious friction built between their sweaty, aching bodies and both were lost to the temporary madness of their exhausting, passionate dance. Suzaku trembled, at the mercy of his relentless, powerful lover, and even after his own pleasure had leaked completely from his swollen, weeping arousal, he insisted that the movement must not cease, lest their perfect most intimate connection be broken. Finally Hiten collapsed on top of him, his body pulsating as the hot, stiff tension flowed out, into the man whose lips he had scarcely released.

The passionate haze finally began to clear, and Suzaku held him tenderly then, returning those precious kisses. He whispered his sweet words of devotion as the heat subsided. "You are so amazing…" he mumbled between kisses, and together they rested; calm and satisfied in the afterglow of their lovemaking

Reality settled back in slowly and Suzaku's eyes blinked the world into clarity again. He already missed that blinding, numbing pleasure, even though he could still feel his lover inside of him.  
"Oh, I wish we could just stay like this," he confessed, reveling in the wet, nearly smothering weight of the body atop him. "This is the way I want to die…"  
But Hiten only laughed, snuggling into his embrace as he shook his head.  
"I love you, you fucking psycho."

Suzaku started as the noise in his head roared back to life. Those three special words echoed, repeating endlessly as they bounced around joyfully inside of him. 'I love you.' It wasn't the first time Hiten had said those words, but oh, how sweet it felt to hear them now. So much more sweet than actions alone... Selfishly he wished to beg until Hiten said it again, but he restrained that ridiculous notion.

"I love you too," He whispered in reply; feeling suddenly dizzy. The delicious scent of his lover was overwhelming for some reason, as if it had intensified. "I love you, I love you…" He mumbled this again and again, and his thoughts jumbled as that scent filled every inch of him.  
'Say it again. Please just once more…'

"Let me go," Hiten laughed, struggling against the other man's unyielding embrace.  
"I'm wet, sticky, and hungry…" He pushed himself up onto his palms, lifting the stubborn redhead along with him as he glanced over to try checking the time. "Su-Chan…" He sighed, realizing that his irrational lover had finally done away with the clock. "With you around, I'll never get to work on time."

"Time…" Suzaku muttered vaguely, refusing to release him. "If only it would just stay still. Then we would never have to be apart…"

"We can't spend today together, Suzaku." Hiten grumbled, a little bit irked. He disentangled his body from that of his stubborn lover and finally stood. "There are many important things that need to be done."

"Important things?" Suzaku echoed, suddenly sounding sad. "More important than me?"  
"You're already done," Hiten joked, reaching out to help him up, "Come on, get up. Jakotsu will worry if you stay in bed all day." Was it just him or were those green eyes looking right past him? "Ne, Hiten…" those pink lips whispered as Suzaku sat up.

"Yes?" He cocked his head, but Suzaku fell silent and remained that way for a long time. He would probably refuse to answer if Hiten didn't force it out of him. "What Suzaku? What're you thinking about?"

"Well… Do you love to be together with me?"

"Of course I do. Whatever you're worrying over quit it."

Suzaku had apparently ignored that suggestion. "Together…" the redhead mumbled.  
"Ne, Hiten. We live together, bathe together, eat together and sleep together… shouldn't we also die together?" At this Hiten startled, caught off guard. "Don't say such crazy things!" He glowered, but Suzaku backed off, immediately bowing his head in apology.

"Sorry. I'll shut up."

Those emerald eyes looked so sad and Hiten realized too late that he should not have snapped at his timid companion. 'Great, now he's never gonna be honest about what he's thinking. Real fucking smooth…'  
"I didn't mean to yell, Su-Chan."

Suzaku didn't seem to have heard him and didn't respond when Hiten leaned down and pressed an apologetic kiss to his forehead. "Hey…" He took that beautiful face in his hands and forced those teary green eyes to meet his own. "Don't cry Su-Chan." Suzaku turned away, ashamed of himself and pushed Hiten away. "Come on, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings…"

"Liar."

"What did you just s-"

"Just stop!" Suzaku rebuffed another of Hiten's attempts to calm him. "Don't touch me!"  
_'Don't say such crazy things!' _How cruel. Suzaku held his own head in his hands, suddenly hating it more than any part of his disgusting body. This head, the one that was filled with those voices and psychotic thoughts. He knew Hiten wasn't lying, but that's what made it hurt so badly. He was right. _'Crazy…'_ How many times had Suzaku heard that word? Yet why had the truth never hurt so badly before? Why was it so much worse hearing it from Hiten's mouth?

Hiten didn't say anything else. Maybe he was trying to avoid a fight. He merely stood, watching with that genuine, saddened regret glossing his chocolate eyes. He was probably waiting for the right time; worrying over how he could redeem himself…

"You're late." Suzaku reminded the concerned businessman, who had not even gotten the chance to start getting dressed for work...

"You want me to go?" The surprise in his voice was evident. "But Su-Chan, d-"

"Just leave!"

Hiten tried not to scoff as he stared down at his suddenly angry, irrational companion. He didn't even know whether he should be shocked or pissed off. This was just so ridiculous! He'd skipped out on work for the past two days, ignoring at least a hundred furious text messages and knew he'd have to work all day and all night to catch up on even half of what he'd missed. But that sacrifice wouldn't mean anything if his Suzaku would finally just _be happ_y. If only, if only he could make his Suzaku happy.

'Why does he have to be like this?' It didn't make any sense. It was so unfair. Hiten only wanted to see that rare, precious smile, but it seemed that nothing he did or said was ever good enough. "Don't do this, Suzaku…"

Those narrowed green eyes avoided his. "Please?" he offered, practically begging, "Don't shut me out. We can talk about this." Suzaku only leaned back, giving him a look that clearly said 'Do** not** touch me.'  
What was the deal? Suzaku didn't want to be touched and he wouldn't even speak. "Please, Su-Chan? Give me a chance. Just tell me what to do to make you feel better…"

The silence stretched out between the two of them like a living being. Hiten could almost feel the thick, impenetrable wall he'd stumbled upon. There was something there. Something strikingly, powerfully formidable. But if he couldn't get Suzaku to admit then he would never stand a chance against it. Irrational or not, crazy or not, he was still willing to do anything if it would please his redheaded heartthrob… _'Just leave.' _That's what Suzaku had requested, but Hiten wished he'd asked for something, anything else.

But if Suzaku wasn't willing to cooperate then there was nothing Hiten could do.  
"I will leave then, okay?"

Suzaku didn't respond. Maybe he was lost in his own thoughts again. Hiten fought back the sigh that wanted to escape then, and instead straightened up, wishing those callous green eyes would at least look up at him. "Goodbye Suzaku…"

Green eyes snapped to attention then. Suzaku had felt a sudden stabbing pain in his heart. 'Goodbye...' He was terrified of that word and the pain only increased when Hiten bowed and did just as he'd said. He simply turned away and prepared to leave without any further argument but Suzaku wished desperately to catch hold of him again. He fought the urge, knowing that he needed the space. Besides, it wasn't really Hiten he wanted to catch hold of. It was that necklace…

'Crazy. Psychotic.' He knew, but couldn't stop it. If only he'd told Hiten to lie back down instead. If only he'd told him to close his eyes and stay still while he wound that pretty golden chain tighter around his neck…

'I wish we really could die together…'

In Suzaku's chest a defiant rhythm had begun to beat and he realized the truth as he watched his lover walk away. 'Hiten is leaving. I hate that more than anything.' The pain it caused was deafening, like the voices in his head. 'I'd do anything to keep him with me forever…'

**_"Like we said. That would be perfect right? Death in his arms. _**  
**_Sweet motionless, eternal devotion."_**

* * *

"You are psychotic!" Jakotsu fumed as he snatched the pen out of his best friend's hand.  
"It's just a business trip! Didn't he say that like a thousand times?!"

Suzaku sat in the room that used to be his own, arguing with Jakotsu about his unfinished drawing; a lovely rendition of a plane crashing."But it would be cool if the plane blew up. Cuz then he could come home…"

"No, he would blow up with it and die!"

"Oh, I guess you're right…"

Jakotsu snatched the portrait from him, intending to dispose of it before Hiten had even the slightest idea that it might exist. "What is with you lately, Su-chan? You're freaking me out here!"

"I'm sorry," The redhead replied timidly. He found another pen then and began tracing out a new picture. He seemed to be drawing a large black dog. "Hiten," He mumbled, tracing a large angelic wing onto the dog's back. "Is this better?"

"Yes, much better."  
Jakotsu returned to his own painting, occasionally glancing behind himself to make sure Suzaku wasn't doing anything strange. "You're off your meds aren't you?"

The redhead said nothing as he began to fill in the rest of the picture, streaking red along the bottom, but Jakotsu assumed his guess was correct. Now the Hiten dog was standing in a pool of blood with a dead, headless cat dangling from its jaws… "You know you're acting freaky, right? You shouldn't go off them."

"Yeah." It was a quiet little word of affirmation and Suzaku seemed like he really did grasp the meaning of it. "But on or off… There's no difference. I am still the same inside. It's like my skin color. It never goes away so why bother trying to cover it up?"

"So that you don't do weird shit like that." Jakotsu explained, indicating the picture he had thrown away. "Besides, won't Hiten be pissed when he finds out you haven't been taking your pills?"

"Yeah I guess…" Suzaku put one of his perfectly manicured fingernails in his mouth, thinking that over. "But so what?"

"He's worried about you." The queen sighed, putting away his painting so that he could sit and talk with his friend. "You know, I really think he loves you."

"So did they…"

"Your family?"

"Yeah…" Suzaku sounded sad now. His hand had slowed down, but he didn't stop coloring his drawing. "Nothing is forever. Even when you want it so bad…"

"Love is," Jakotsu insisted, wrapping his arms around his depressed companion. "I love you forever, and so must your family. Even when we are far away it never stops."

"And what good is that?" The redheaded beauty suddenly bristled, as if he were angry.  
"It's still lonely and miserable! It's like… buying a new car but leaving it on the lot instead of driving it home! Even if you love it, it's worthless because it is too far away!"  
He turned suddenly and shoved his best friend to the floor, crawling on top of him.  
"This is real love," he asserted, stealing a kiss from those painted red lips. "Something you can see and feel!"

"Yes," The other conceded, "but so is that." He pointed over to the portraits hanging on the wall. "You make art. Art is all about love." He tapped the new drawing Suzaku was making with a confident nod. "See, this Hiten you drew has angel wings on his back because you love him. It's obvious. So why would you say it's not real?"

"Because it's not!"

"Yes it is!"

Suzaku was tugging at his hair in frustration now, as if he just could not grasp this concept, and Jakotsu realized at that moment why his best friend was so impossible to reason with.

"You just need to take your meds," He concluded, unsuccessfully trying to get Suzaku to sit up. "Come on Su-chan. Before Hiten goes to work. I'm sure he will make you a nice, drugged strawberry shake that'll cheer you up. And if you ask I'm sure he will tell you he loves you."

"Fuck Hiten!" his stubborn companion replied, "I don't want anything to do with him!"

"You're just saying that-"

"No, I'm not! I hate him and his stupid job!"

"No you don't." Jakotsu sighed, sitting up to wrap his arms around his agitated best friend. Suzaku looked so miserable all of the sudden. His emotions were apparently quite difficult for him to keep in check without his meds. "Don't cry…"

"I'm sorry," Suzaku mumbled, pulling him closer. "I can't think right…"

"It's okay," his queen soothed, rocking a little bit to lull his companion.  
This seemed to work like a charm. Suzaku quieted down and closed his eyes, clinging to him like a scared child. "I don't want you to go," he whimpered, "please don't go…"

"I have to. Bankotsu must be worried since I can't even call him."

"I feel so sick…" Jakotsu held tight as Suzaku slumped over in his arms. "It's so loud…"

"What's that mean?" He asked, hoisting his best friend up, bridal style so that he could put him onto the bed. "It's never loud in this house…"

"In my head," The redhead moaned, rolling over and clutching his stomach as if he might throw up. With an unpleasant jolt Jakotsu realized that his best friend was really crying now, whispering to himself between the sobs. "I don't want to. I wont…" He mumbled, talking to someone or something that only he could hear.

"You have to take your meds," The queen decided, brushing his beautiful red hair out of the way so he could look him in the eye. "Right now, okay?"

"I don't want to…" Suzaku whimpered. It was a weak, pitiful little sound that wrenched at the taller, black-headed man's heart. "You have to," he repeated, "or you won't feel better."  
He sighed as Suzaku rolled away from him and pressed his face into the blankets, mumbling something that sounded a lot like "I wont."

He was not going to consent, but that didn't matter. Jakotsu stood then and left him, fetching the little orange bottle from the cupboard in the bathroom. Strangely enough, the bottle was almost empty. The pills were going somewhere, but apparently not into Suzaku… He shook one out onto his palm, replaced the lid, and set it back where it belonged before heading back to the bedroom.

Suzaku was sitting up on the bed now, staring at the pictures on the wall as the tears fell freely down his cheeks. "Suki…" those sweet pink lips whispered. 'Love.' Jakotsu felt that same emotion as he gazed upon his lovely best friend. That hair hung free and a little bit messy, but still beautiful against his pale, thin frame. It was no wonder this man got everything he wanted, even from his cocky, arrogant boyfriend. Even when Suzaku was acting so irrational, he looked so ethereally gorgeous. He sat gracefully, with that red-velvet hair flowing, dancing along with every move he made, looking just like an angel…

Jakotsu sat beside him on the bed and those watery green eyes met his immediately.  
"Ja-chan," this miserable angel whispered, cupping his face. "Do you love me?"

"I do," He replied with a firm nod.

"Say it. Say that you love me…"

"I love you, Su-Chan. Now come take your medicine." He held out the little white pill, but Suzaku recoiled at the sight of it. "I don't want-"  
"You have to," he insisted, " Don't you want to get better?"  
"No." "Don't say that."

Jakotsu sighed as his stubborn companion turned away, refusing when he brought the pill up to his frowning, tightly pursed lips. Suzaku's hands pressed against his best friend's chest, trying to shove him away, but at that moment Jakotsu realized that there was one simple, fool-proof way to get him to accept. "Su-Chan," he whispered, "come and kiss me."

This was too easy. Suzaku was always so desperate for affection. It was almost scary how quickly his tune changed at this suggestion. He nodded, and then those hands pulled Jakotsu close instead of pushing him away. Slyly the queen set the little white pearl between his own teeth and kissed those hungry pink lips. Suzaku held him possessively, pulling him closer as their tongues entwined; dancing. The redhead didn't even notice when the little pill melted in his mouth, accompanied by the sweet taste of his precious companion.

They broke apart then, both breathing heavily, but Suzaku did not release his hold on the other man. Instead he leaned closer until their foreheads touched. "I love you," those wet pink lips confessed, "I love your taste and your smell and everything else…"

Jakotsu startled, but Suzaku bore down on him, whispering, "I know you want me."  
He locked gaze with his best friend. The mixture of emotions in those emerald orbs reminded him of the way Bankotsu looked at him... Slowly he came to grips with what that look meant.  
Suzaku smiled as if reading his mind and without warning, closed the distance between them, firmly pressing his lips against those of his best friend.

'Su-Chan wants me?'  
This kiss was new: passionate and demanding. It was something that friends were not supposed to share… Suzaku moaned into the kiss, sliding his tongue between those scared red lips. A wave of shock washed over Jakotsu, the rational part of his mind immediately ordering him to rid himself of this forbidden contact. But something else told him to return it, even to get more.  
'I want him back…'

He sat frozen, choosing to act on neither instinct as Suzaku released his lips, pulling away. Jakotsu's shocked gaze met his companion's and he instantly recognized the sheen of lust that had coated his friend's deep emerald eyes. "We can fuck. You want to. I know you want to…"

He kissed him again, whispering against his lips. "Tell me you love me, just like Hiten does…"  
'So that's how it is.' Maybe Suzaku was like Alex. He didn't mind making love to a substitute.

"I do love you." The words made Suzaku tremble, and he grew even more insistent. His kisses were so hot and sweet. His fingers so agile, stroking, squeezing exactly the way that he knew would make his best friend moan. Finally Jakotsu was kissing him back. The dull ache of longing within his own body had suddenly made itself known. He wanted desperately to lose himself and give in to his desire for such shameless, passionate physical love. The heat of Suzaku's inner thighs seemed to intensify as he settled himself atop his best friend's lap, ignoring the queen's feeble protests. "Don't-"

Suzaku pressed his lips to Jakotsu's once more, forcibly shutting him up. His heart skipped a beat when his best friend's tongue began to move in his mouth and Suzaku immediately moaned into their kiss, wrapping his arms around his neck so that Jakotsu could not pull away.

**_"Excellent."_**  
**_"Close your eyes, pretend he's Hiten."_**  
**_"We'll do the rest."_**  
**_"You wont feel a thing, we will."_**  
**_"Hiten will see. Hiten will lose it. He'll kill you this time for sure."_**  
**_"In his arms. By his hands. The perfect way to die..."_**

Suzaku had no choice but to obey the voices that his captured companion could not even hear.  
They were right. They were always right. Hiten could surely kill him, and this was the only way to provoke him into it… "Close your eyes."

Jakotsu obeyed as euphoria attempted to overtake him, his rational thought pushed aside by the raw desire which coursed like venom through his body.

His head swam. His body ached with longing, while his heart constricted with guilt. Vaguely he realized that Suzaku's hands had moved, tightened on his shoulders, attempting to guide him down to the mattress they were sitting on. 'No, no let me go Su-Chan…' He shouldn't let this happen. He couldn't let this happen. Suzaku couldn't possibly be thinking straight…

'This has to stop...' Jakotsu thought, dazedly moaning into the other man's mouth. It was far from the first time the two had kissed, but now, even as that desperate desire coursed through him like poison, he knew it had to be the last.

_'I don't want you to sleep with him.' _  
That's what Bankotsu had said. He could not have known just how right he was about them; just how many times Jakotsu had given into the desire to sleep with his best friend. How remarkable his lover's intuition was, and oh, how sweet his precious friend's caress… It was maddening; dizzily arousing to be kissed by those lips and held by those hands. It always had been. But this was his Suzaku. Lonely, precious, ill Suzaku. Loving him had been a mistake back in college and it would be even worse now, possibly even dangerous.

Jakotsu still remembered the hatred in Hiten's eyes; that venomous hiss of warning.  
_'touch my Suzaku again and I promise you will regret it.'_  
_'He makes me crazy.'_

'I have to stop this…'

Reality hit Jakotsu hard as he fell back onto the bed, his companion seated firmly on top of him, arms returning to wrap securely around his neck. Suzaku really did intend to make love to him!  
But even with that sweet, sorely-missed taste filling his mouth, Jakotsu forced those lips away firmly reminding himself that the taste was not what it should've been. 'This is wrong. This is Suzaku's taste, not Bankotsu's.' And the body pressed to his own, which his entire being seemed to suddenly desire so fully, was also not that of his lover, and was therefore, not to be touched in such an intimate way.

Unfortunately though, it seemed as if the man above him didn't care about that.

Suzaku only clung tighter and became more insistent with each sign of resistance, but Jakotsu had more physical strength. He could easily free himself from his companion's controlling hold. The cross-dresser rolled abruptly so Suzaku was caught off guard and forced from his dominant position. Shocked by this sudden movement, the redhead toppled right off of the bed, landing with a thump on the floor.

"Itai…"

Suzaku pushed himself up onto his hands and knees. 'What the- Where am I?'  
His heart was racing almost as fast as his head was spinning and he thought he might throw up.  
The soft carpeting beneath him looked familiar, but at the same time it did not. 'My old room? How did I get here?'

"Su-Chan are you okay?" Jakotsu leaned over the side of the bed, uttering a quick apology to his shaken friend. "Sorry, didn't mean to push you that hard..."

"What?" Suzaku mumbled, the pounding in his head made it almost impossible to think. 'Why am I in Ja-Chan's room?' The voices piped back up, cackling with glee, teasing him ruthlessly.

**_"You are so pathetic!"_**  
**_"Don't you even remember?"_**  
**_"You were so close. We were so close!"_**  
**_"You're ruining everything!"_**  
**_"Get back up there and fuck him!"_**

'Fuck Ja-Chan?! Hiten would kill me!'

**_"That's the point you imbecile!"_**  
**_"Do it!"_**

'I won't!'  
Suzaku pressed his hands to his head, trying to stop the world from spinning. Everything was suddenly loud and twisted. Surely he'd throw up. The movement made him sick, but still he had to leave; to get away from Jakotsu. What was going on? He could hardly control his own body. 'I won't, I won't!' he kept thinking, forcing himself forward. It took so much effort to disobey the voices. He carefully forced his stubborn body to move, crawling toward the open door, but then suddenly his every muscle locked up. Even his dizzy, confused brain could register this kind of fear. Hiten was standing in the doorway looking absolutely livid. Those catlike eyes were red and glaring; murderous.

Suzaku felt weak. The voices echoed and screamed in his head, insisting he move closer to Hiten. Were these his own thoughts or someone else's suggestion? It didn't matter. He refused to obey. Suzaku couldn't think, couldn't move, and above all, couldn't face the hurt on his lover's face… Jakotsu was talking now, probably. It sounded like his voice, mingling with the ones that were clouding his confused mind. "It's my fault!" The queen had insisted, but Hiten didn't seem to have heard.

'I'll fucking kill him!' This was the only aspiration of Hiten's entire fury-stricken being.  
He moved forward without thinking, but Jakotsu interrupted. "I said it's my fault!" he insisted, moving to stand protectively in front of his best friend.

Hiten hardly noticed the cross dresser that now stood in his way. His furious eyes only focused on his treacherous lover. Never had he wanted to hurt him so badly. "Fucking lia-"

"Don't you dare!"  
Hiten froze, caught off guard by the lightning-speed of the other man. Something sharp and metal bit painfully into his neck as Jakotsu hissed like the snake he was. "Back. Off. I will fucking kill you…" Jet-black eyes gleamed with bloodlust. He meant it. Those agile fingers pressed harder, forcing Hiten to take a careful step back.

'Holy fuck…' Brown eyes gaped as they beheld the shining red blood on the long silver prongs as the cross dresser yanked them back out. 'With just his hairpin…' That green tinted hair actually fell after the blood. Apparently Jakotsu's snake fangs were not false representation…

Jakotsu licked his hairpin clean; scarlet streaks on his tongue, matching his bloodred lips. He seethed, indignant. "You were about to kick Su-Chan!"

Hiten brought a hand up to his now bleeding neck as he glared back into those sharp, furious eyes. It was true. At that moment he had wanted nothing more than to kick his treacherous lover. Right in the stomach, and then maybe they'd feel that same twisting, nauseating sensation that came with being betrayed by the one your heart ached so terribly for. But he would not have stopped at that. He wanted that redhead choking on his own blood... "He deserves it."

"Like hell he does!" Jakotsu seethed, "Maybe you're too stupid to notice, but Su-Chan is obviously very sick right now! He needs medicine, not violence!"

Hiten ignored his blackberry as it began ringing loudly in his back pocket. He was currently debating on whether or not he wanted to just strangle both of these beautiful men.  
'Unfortunately Jakotsu would put up a pretty good fight…'

The noise stopped and the room fell completely silent. No one moved. For a moment there was only the barely audible shuddering sobs of the redhead on the floor, but then the blackberry began to ring again and Hiten loathed that incessant racket. It was ruining his conviction.

'Of course that stupid Tekkei would interrupt at a time like this.'

So Jakotsu thought Suzaku needed meds? Well Hiten knew a much easier way to sober his stupid, treacherous lover up. It was better this way. Killing him would hurt too much.

"Fine." He absently reached back and retrieved the blackberry, silencing it.  
"Since you know so much, you can just keep my 'fucktoy.' I'm through with him."

With that said, he turned and just… left.

Stepping outside now was like stepping into a different world. He headed absently to work, first returning his secretary's call. Tekkei was relieved to hear his voice. 'Cell phones. Convenient little things...' The one on the other line couldn't see the tears rolling down his cheeks. Annoying though, that those insistent little drops didn't do any good. They only served to make the view of the road appear blurry. Endless white lines and red lights that sometimes burst into star-shaped glimmers. It was balmy and warm outside; absolutely beautiful.


	27. Poison

disclaimer  
I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, Suzaku, Hiten or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.  
(Although I wish I did own those adorable, wonderful, super kawaii, sexy little sons of...ahem! anyways)  
I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.  
I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.  
- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

**Not For All The World**

* * *

(AN: This chapter gives us a more in depth look into Suzaku's past. Again, I must warn that it is not a particularly pleasant one. You have been warned. For the record Suzaku changes age a couple of times. He is 18 at first, and then much younger in Kujaku's memory. In the present, when Suzaku is living with Hiten he is 20 years old.)

**Terminology:**  
**ChiChi-Ue** = Dad. Suzaku says 'Chi' while he is pretending to be a cat. He is teasing his Dad because the word 'Chi' sounds like 'Cheep' which is generally a sound you'd hear from a bird.  
**Oto-San** = Father. Suzaku uses this when he gets older. He says it as if it were Kujaku's true name to express latent hostility since Kujaku has repeatedly asked to _not_ be called Oto-San.  
For the same reason, Kujaku calls his wife 'Mama' instead of her real name.  
**Kujaku** = Peacock. A type of bird.  
**ChibiSu**= Suzaku's affectionate, but nonsensical pet name. It would mean something along the lines of "my little Suzaku."

If you're interested, Psychological terminology is also available at the end of the story.

**Chapter Twenty-Seven: Poison**

---------------

* * *

"I'm home!"

Suzaku hung up his coat and wandered on upstairs, but his mother stopped him. "Wait, wait my darling!" He turned, surprised by this interruption. Mama caught hold of his arm and pulled him back toward the kitchen. "I have to show you…" She mumbled. Suzaku realized immediately that something was wrong. He had never seen her look so frazzled. Usually Mama kept herself very neat and carried herself like a proper lady, but today she seemed too troubled to bother.

Suzaku followed her into the kitchen and over to the table, where he beheld the source of her strange behavior. There were many ripped up pieces of paper littering their usually spotless kitchen floor. It seemed that Mama had retrieved some of them and was currently in the process of taping the documents back together. "College acceptance letters," She explained, lifting one that she had successfully fixed. "I've counted sixteen different universities so far."

"Oh…" Suzaku accepted the letter, giving it a quick read. 'Midari Suzaku, we are pleased to invite… Blah blah blah…' "Oto-san destroyed them, ne?" His mother nodded, and Suzaku was not surprised. "Don't worry Mama, you don't have to fix them." he sighed, returning it to her.

Mama held it tightly, looking like she might cry. "I know. It's just that…" Her words melted into murmured sadness but finally she forced the rest out. Barely audible affirmation. "I'm so proud of you. I just thought you should know that…"

Suzaku didn't know what to say. For years it had been rare that his mother even acted like a human instead of a household appliance. Though sometimes, when he tried hard enough, Suzaku could vaguely recall childhood memories of her smiling; really, genuinely smiling… Gingerly he took a step closer, meeting those watery blue eyes. She was so beautiful. How lucky that he'd inherited more of her face than his father's. Their nails matched; perfectly manicured, just like their perfect, long flowing hair and perfectly proper, polite manner.

Mama must have been so tired of having to always be perfect…

"I love you." He whispered, pulling her into a tight embrace. How long had it been since he'd said that? Here he was, nearly graduated, nearly eighteen and about to leave her home forever and yet he was only just realizing how badly he'd miss her. "I'll keep in touch, I promise."

"No." Mama squeezed him, but shook her head at the same time. "Once you've gone off to college…" She let go, backing up so their eyes could meet again. "Don't ever look back."  
He nodded, letting her take his hand. "Never, you understand? I'd rather you forget I ever existed. I love you so. I will not ever let you come back to this house…"  
It hurt so much to hear those words. But Suzaku knew that it was for the best…

"You should come on to your room now," Mama suggested, turning to leave, "Before father realizes you're home."

"He's not at work?"

"No. He came home early. Your Oto-San… is in a very, very bad way…" She quietly led the way to the staircase, carefully checking to ensure her husband was not at the top of it. "Okay, quietly now," she whispered, leading Suzaku along. "Lock the door and don't come out of your room today." Luckily they reached his bedroom without incident. Mama smiled as she closed the door behind him. "I'll bring your dinner at eight okay?"

"Okay." He locked the door, just as she had requested and kicked his shoes off, but had not even taken one more step into his room before a loud crash issued behind him. Something heavy slammed into the door, and Suzaku almost jumped.

"You stupid fucking woman!"  
Immediately Suzaku recognized father's voice and caught on as another powerful blow shook the door. Mama's head was probably being slammed repeatedly against it.  
"Kujaku, leave Mama alone!" He had yelled without thinking, too terrified to restrain himself.

Everything fell silent. Suzaku could almost see Oto-san freezing up with those powerful hands around Mama's beautiful neck. But Father finally spoke again, and this time his voice was threatening but forcedly clear. "ChibiSu come back out here. Now."

"No." In response, another loud bang and a whimper issued from the other side of his door.  
Suzaku leaned closer, hissing angrily at his father. "If you do that again I will hate you."

Again there was silence. But against his will Kujaku's anger began to melt into frustrated misery.  
'I will hate you…' Midari Kujaku released his wife and let her fall to the floor. He pressed both hands against the mahogany, feeling suddenly weak. "ChibiSu, don't ever say that again…" Maybe his heart would burst. Maybe he'd just puke it up all over this wretched door; the only thing keeping him from his most desperate desire. "No one loves you like I do."

"Thank god," came his sarcastic reply. Suzaku was right on the other side of this door. That was only what, two inches, separating them? If Kujaku closed his eyes and pretended those two inches didn't exist, it lessened the pain just a bit. "Why do you even want to go to college? The family has enough money that you'll never have to work ChibiSu. I can take care of you for the rest of your life- you shut up!" He growled down at his wife, who had just barely opened her mouth. "Go back to the kitchen where you belong!"

"Quit yelling at her." Suzaku sighed, resting his head back against the door. He felt tired all of a sudden. He would never admit it out loud, but his heart ached terribly when his father was like this. He could hear the misery in that deep, resonating voice. Whether Oto-san was yelling or not, the suffering echoed more clearly than the words themselves. 'I love you, I love you…' That's what he really wanted to say. 'Please don't leave me.'

Apparently Mama really had left, because now Kujaku's voice became quiet and sincere.  
"ChibiSu, please…" He seemed to be choking back sobs. "I can't stand to see you go..."

"If you really loved me, you'd let me have a life."

"But I do!" A dull thunk. Father had probably just slammed his forehead into the door. "Please ChibiSu. At least let me say a proper goodbye."

"No. I don't want you to touch me."

"…"

Maybe Oto-san could no longer bring himself to speak. Suzaku could hear his miserable, muffled sobs. He sat down, leaned back against the door, knowing that his father was going to do the very same thing. But it had to be this way. Somewhere deep down, in his twisted mind even Oto-san must have realized… "We can not be together."

"But why? ChibiSu, no one else has to know. You're not a child anymore. You can choose anyone to be your lover! Why can't we just-"

"Because you are half of me!" Suzaku scoffed, knowing he was rightly disgusted. "Don't you get that?! Half of my genes are yours! You look just like me! You can not be my lover because you are already my father!"

"But that's not my fault," Kujaku whimpered, his voice breaking "I can't change that. I never chose it!" He accentuated each word with another frustrated bang of his head against the mahogany. "This. Is. Not. Fair!"

"Stop it!"

Kujaku actually obeyed, though he couldn't stop crying; shedding more of this pleading misery. He sat still and just let the tears fall. It just wasn't fair. 'Why? Why?' He didn't know. Surely nobody knew. How cruel that his body betrayed his heart like this. It was so impossible to reconcile. He could not fall out of love with Suzaku, nor could he sever their familial ties so that they could be together. 'If only…' But that's all there was to smother this dark, all-consuming loneliness. Sweet dreams of 'if onlys' and blatant, futile attempts to deny reality.

It was all so completely hopeless…

"I love you so." he murmured, wishing so desperately that he could be someone else.  
How ironic that he had so much money and power. He could do anything. He could have anything, except the one thing he desired above all else. "I just want to be with you…"

"I know." Suzaku sighed, feeling intensely guilty for his father's misery. 'Poor Oto-San…' Sometimes he just didn't know what to think anymore. He knew that it was not Kujaku's fault, that no one could really help who they fell in love with. Nor could anyone decide who they would be related to. Fate was cruel that way. Life was cruel that way, and love was just that painfully unpredictable… 'So what can I possibly do?'

The silence between them stretched, almost as stiff as the mahogany door and Suzaku found himself wishing he could hold his miserable, suffering father. It must have been so terrible a feeling. It was enough to bring a grown man to tears; the frustrated loneliness of living with but never truly being able to be with the one he loved more than anyone or anything else…

"I'm sorry too, Oto-san." It was true, but Suzaku felt so useless since it was the only condolence he had to offer. It would do little for the pain in those muffled sobs.

Kujaku sighed as he sat against the mahogany, conceding. He decided to just turn his will over to the one he loved. Anger and violence wasn't going to get him anywhere. It never had for the last seven years, and it wasn't going to now. "Please open the door ChibiSu. I promise not to hurt you."

"You already are."

"Physically, I mean." He explained, "Please ChibiSu. Just let me hold you."

"That'll just make you feel worse."

"No it won't!" Kujaku insisted, "I'll be sweet, I swear…"

Suzaku stood, sighing as he lifted the lock on his door. It swung open and he leaned down to meet his father's miserable green eyes. Kujaku didn't dare to move. Maybe he was just too shocked by the fact that Suzaku had actually obliged. 'He'd stay out there all night if I didn't.'

The younger redhead sat back down on the carpet and just watched. Like a timid kitten Kujaku finally began to move. He crawled over to his son and gingerly pressed his miserable, wet face to Suzaku's chest. "I love you so…' Those soft hands stroked his hair, trying to lessen the suffering, but he knew nothing ever could. He moved closer, wishing that the two of them didn't have to be two at all. If only they could be together. He could easily hear the beat of Suzaku's precious, innocent heart. The one that didn't yearn for him…

'He won't love me back.' Kujaku knew this all too well, but that didn't mitigate the incessant nagging of his dirty, despicable body. He hated every fiber of his own being; every gene and every wretched, matching DNA sequence, yet at the same time he loved his son so completely. Every second he could hold Suzaku was so precious; fleeting. But it was never enough. It was maddening; driving him out of his mind. More than once he'd even considered killing himself along with his beautiful son. At least in death they would be together…

Suzaku already knew how deep the obsession ran. Impossible, infuriating love… But he knew that if he stayed calm, Oto-san would react accordingly. He let himself be pushed down and lay against the carpet, still calmly stroking father's hair. Kujaku seemed resigned. He acted just like a wounded animal. He buried his face into Suzaku's shirt and just lie there crying his eyes out. Every now and then he would murmur those three most painful words. Sometimes his grip tightened and the heat between them would rise, but Suzaku couldn't fault him for that either.  
It was only natural for one's body to desire to become one with the person its heart desired. That longing was nothing strange to Suzaku, since he felt it every time his Hiten casually touched him at school…

"Shhh…" Gradually the suffering sobs died down. "Oto-san-"  
Father murmured something that sounded like "Don't call me that."

"But that's who you are," Suzaku whispered, "I am sorry, Oto-San, but I do love you as Oto-San. That is the only way I can love you."

"But you don't know that!" Kujaku insisted, pushing himself up onto his palms. "How could you possibly? I wish you'd just try…" He leaned down and met those stubborn green eyes. They were so close already. If only Suzaku knew what it felt like to feel this addictive, physical desire. Then, finally they would feel at least one kind of mutual love. Their lonesome, separated bodies could be used to elicit so much delicious satisfaction. "Just once. If only you'd let me make love to you..."

Immediately Suzaku recoiled, shoving his father away from his legs. The fear was automatic and very appropriate, but he tried not to show it. "Don't you dare."

"Telling me what to do…" Kujaku wanted to be angry, but instead proceeded with tender caution. Those green eyes screwed shut before his fingers even touched that beautiful face. Already Suzaku's body language betrayed his defiant front. He was obviously terrified.  
"I won't hurt you." This whisper fell onto deaf ears, but Kujaku didn't care. Each precious, poisonous second dripped by, oh so slowly. Those quivering lips protested only with whimpers when they met his own. The crisp scent of waterlily and a gentle kiss of cool pink melon.  
How could venom taste so very sweet? Addictive, yet fleeting, like the white sparkle of falling raindrops. Ice cold, yet searing hot. And oh, if only this coursing, insistent heat truly were the sting of poison. Then at least it would eventually kill him…

"Stop." Suzaku sounded like he wanted to cry. His words were painfully clear, so why was it that his body spoke the opposite? Why did he have these crushed berries for lips and smooth, tempting cream instead of skin? Oh, he was so: Amazingly. Luscious.

"Stop!" Those hands shoved Kujaku away, forcibly breaking their precious contact. It was so hard, just to think. The glossy sheen of his kisses caught his eye and he leaned forward again, even as Suzaku pulled away. "Don't," those stubborn lips repeated while Kujaku persisted.  
The heat of those thighs would surely be even more intoxicating…

"I will hate you."

Kujaku froze up. He practically lay on top of Suzaku, but in that second their positions seemed completely reversed. Those words were like knives to his heart. Somehow they held more power than he ever could. Suzaku was nowhere near as strong as he. Kujaku had more than enough physical strength to effortlessly pin the stubborn redhead down and force him. But that would defeat the point. It would only make his ChibiSu hate him more completely.  
"I wouldn't blame you…"

Kujaku sighed, resting his head back up against that warm, sweet-scented neck. He could feel Suzaku's pulse; the whispers of a heart that beat for someone else. The scent of waterlily mixed with his own; taunting. As always they were together, but not….

"I wish we'd never met."

"Mean." Suzaku scoffed.

"I don't mean to be." he explained, "it's just that we're so terrible for each other."

"Yeah."

"Poison," Kujaku murmured, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to that addictive, snowy skin.

Suzaku recognized that tone of voice. Sometimes; some very rare times, Kujaku let himself fall under this spell and was completely, totally controllable. "Kujaku."

"Hmm?" He leaned fully into Suzaku's warm embrace, feeling completely subdued; sleepy.

"After today," those pink lips requested, "Don't ever touch me again."

"…Alright."  
Father and son fell silent then, laying back against the carpet. Both were resigned, choking back the miserable pain of the agreement they had no choice but to make. Kujaku was first to sob, like he couldn't control it anymore. Something inside of him had snapped and Suzaku felt it just as intensely. Mutually broken, they lie together and just cried for hours.

It was then.

Kujaku had eventually fallen asleep but Suzaku stared off, somewhere far away with his mind buzzing; a new, unpleasant sound. The ceiling seemed to twist, somehow. Was that even possible? But Suzaku could see it and feel it. Everything was suddenly blurry, even the perception of touch…

Something had gripped him. Something sinister and powerful, just like poison running through his veins. It pooled in his mind, silent and invisible to everyone else; spreading, deadly venom.

-----------------

* * *

It was hot. Stifling hot. Or maybe it was freezing cold. Suzaku couldn't really tell. For a long moment he looked around but could not recognize where he was. The world was nothing but a confusing mass of colors. But then, suddenly, everything grew clear again. He was standing in the kitchen of his parents home, staring down at a massive pile of broken, ruined objects. Among them were the telephone, the coffee pot, his father's laptop and many of his mother's finest dishes.

Vaguely he realized that he was not alone. Both mother and father were standing in this room, staring at him in utter shock. Had they just watched him trash the entire kitchen? Oto-San was first to approach him. "What's gotten into you ChibiSu?" he asked. His voice seemed to echo… The tones danced around in Suzaku's confused mind and didn't make much sense. "Why did you do this?" Kujaku persisted, approaching to try to catch hold of his son, but Suzaku immediately flinched. "Don't touch me!"

"How dare you!" Kujaku flared up, but luckily Mama stepped in-between the two fiery redheads. "Let's all just calm down." She made her way over to her distressed son, separating the two of them. "Our Suzaku is just ill, I think." She was shorter than him, even though he was just barely eighteen. "Do you feel ill darling?" Suzaku nodded, allowing her to put a gentle hand to his forehead. "We should go on to the doctor, then."

"What?! You can't do that!"

She turned to her husband, imploring. "Midari-sama, be reasonable! We can't possibly let him alone like this! He's been acting strange for weeks now. Suppose it gets worse!"

"No way," The man of the household replied firmly. "If you'd stop treating him like a baby with all this 'darling are you sick' bullshit maybe our son would behave!"

"Behave? He obviously doesn't mean to do any of this! Why would he?! You're being completely-"

"Enough!" Kujaku seemed to be trying very hard to contain his anger as he bore down on his wife and only son. "Both of you are acting ridiculous! I will not have this nonsense in my house!"

"Then let me take him to the hospital!"

"And let the neighbors see this?! Let other people find out and bring shame to our entire family?! I will not have the entire Midari estate destroyed by the foolish actions of a useless houseslave like you!"

Mama fell silent then, looking immensely hurt, but Kujaku ignored her and addressed his son instead. "Go on upstairs ChibiSu. Get some sleep. Your mama will clean up this mess."  
Suzaku turned to his mother, but she quickly wiped the tears from her eyes and ushered him out of the room. "Listen to your father, Suzaku."

One week passed. It was almost time for prom, but Suzaku had been expressly forbidden to leave the house. He was becoming more unstable with every passing day and was powerless to stop it. Mother had been right. "I can't understand," she had said after witnessing her son destroy their flat-screen television for no apparent reason, "you've never been like this before. Where did it come from?"

Suzaku couldn't even recall. It had come on very suddenly, he knew that much. The voices were clear as a bell. Sometimes he just felt disoriented, while others left him with little or no control over his body and emotions. There was always the persistent feeling of being unsafe. Mother had tried many times to convince him to stop boarding up the windows of his room and ripping the telephones from the walls, but had eventually given up. But even with these precautions Suzaku still never felt safe. He was constantly on guard.

Tonight he lay on his bed, feeling especially troubled. At some point in the past few days he had managed to destroy just about everything in his room. Again he had completely lost control of his body. Now, as he lay in bed, surrounded by the wreckage of what used to be his only sanctuary, he was ready to just give up. He stared at the ceiling with those voices whispering in his head, wanting nothing more than to just close his eyes and never wake up. If only he could be alone. If only the world would be silent again…

**_"Someone's here."_**  
**_"Something's happening."_**  
**_"Get up, get up and leave!"_**

'But I can't…'  
He pushed himself up onto his knees, looking around. The room was empty. He knew he was alone in the house, but just couldn't shake off the feeling of being watched. 'Mama's taking a nap upstairs.' Maybe hers was the presence he felt…

**_"No, no its dangerous here!"_**  
**_"Not safe for you ChibiSu!"_**  
**_"Leave, leave!"_**

"I can not!" He held his head in his hands, trying to shake the voices into silence. He desperately wanted to leave but just could not. "I can't, I can't I-"  
Suddenly an intense anxiety overtook him. Could it rightly be called that? Suzaku didn't know. Fear like nothing he'd ever dreamed of took hold of his body. Each muscle seized up as his mind raced, spun, faster and faster until finally… Everything went dark.

* * *

'Catatonia.' Wasn't that what this was called?

Kujaku stood over his son, who may or may not have been frozen in place for hours.  
Suzaku's eyes were glazed over and just barely open. He didn't react to sounds or movement.  
'Just like my father…' Carefully Kujaku reached over and touched his son. Suzaku didn't react to this either. How long had it been since he'd been able to touch Suzaku without eliciting fear in those gorgeous emerald eyes?

_'Don't touch me!'_

Now it was almost too easy to push Suzaku down onto the bed. He didn't resist at all. His entire body was frozen, but pliable. Carefully Kujaku arranged each of those long, porcelain limbs so that it looked like his son was peacefully sleeping. He then sat on the bed with him and hoisted Suzaku up to allow that graceful head to rest on his lap. Absently he stroked that long, red-velvet hair, thinking of terms like 'Catatonia', 'genetic predisposition', and 'prognosis.'  
He knew exactly what this illness was and exactly where it had come from. Exactly what it meant for Suzaku's future… 'Schizophrenia. Passed down from grandfather; hereditary and incurable.'

"It should have been me…"

How annoying that the disease had skipped a generation and set in upon his son instead.  
'My poor, sweet ChibiSu' He at least deserved an explanation. If only Kujaku had thought to tell him the story before now.

"You know what?" he whispered. Of course Suzaku didn't reply. He couldn't hear or react to anything. Even though those eyes were open, he didn't even recognize the tears in his father's…

"This is why I never wanted a family. I married that useless woman just to combine our estates; a business arrangement. And when she got pregnant, I didn't even notice… well not in time for an abortion anyway. The stupid bitch was probably keeping it a secret on purpose. So I told her, once the baby was born we'd get her fixed or get a divorce, left it up to her, you know?  
I guess I was just stupid back then. I never thought I'd ever, ever want you…"

He stared down into those lifeless green eyes, recalling the very first time he'd ever seen them.  
It was hard to believe that Suzaku's birth had ever caused him annoyance. He remembered that stupid nurse that had wandered right in and plopped that baby into his lap. The baby he'd never wanted, the son he'd had every intention of aborting… Those then, bluish eyes blinked sleepily up at him for just one moment, and then the little thing drifted right to sleep in his arms. Kujaku had never believed in stupid things like love or fate, and certainly not something as cliché as 'love at first sight.' But at that moment, the second those eyes met his… Something sparked to life inside of him; a searing flame that would never be extinguished.

"Suzaku." The phoenix born of flames. Eternally soaring through skies that could never be worthy of such flawless perfection… "You're the only one I've ever loved."

It was almost as if Suzaku were sleeping in his arms now, just like before. Kujaku could hardly believe how quickly the years passed after that very special day. Suzaku had always been small and a bit sickly. His peers were always taller but Suzaku was always more intelligent, graceful, and lovely. There was no way to determine exactly when Kujaku had fallen in love with him, since they'd been together from the very first day. But he did remember the very first time he'd felt a physical attraction. Suzaku was a particularly affectionate, clingy child, so no one thought anything of the kisses and the snuggling. But on one day, they sparked something new…

How old was Suzaku then? Three or four? He couldn't remember... The sweet little redhead had crawled up to sit in Kujaku's lap and then nuzzled close, like a kitten. It always made Kujaku giggle to see him so earnestly affectionate. "Meow," little Suzaku teased, amused by the way his father playfully rebuffed him. "No, no ChibiSu you're a little bird. Not a kitten."

"Nuh-uh," the stubborn 'kitten' insisted. He pawed and mewled, nuzzling all the while and when Kujaku gave up with a sigh and began to pet him, he was rewarded with those sweet little giggles. "Chichi…" his son snickered, "you're the birdie."

"Oh really?"

"Yep. Mama said so. She said that's your real name too."

"It's true. Kujaku is a type of bird."

"Ku… what?"

"Ku-ja-ku."

Suzaku was so amused by this. His eyes sparkled with amusement as he declared a victory. "Ku and Chi are things that birdies say!"

"Alright," Kujaku leaned closer to whisper, "but then only you can call me that."  
"Deal!" his kitten decided, putting those paws back on his shoulders. "Meow, I caught a birdie!"

"Why yes you did." Kujaku laughed, "And why would you want to catch me?"

"To eat you!" Without hesitation those sweet pink lips met with his. It was just a playful nip. Suzaku had probably done that dozens of times before, but this time he followed it up with a flick of that wet little tongue. Just like a kitten. A kiss from a playful little kitten; that's all. So when he pulled back and let those dancing green eyes meet Kujaku's, he was surprised by the sudden hostile snap of "Get off."

"What'd I do?"

"Now."

He obeyed. He always obeyed. Kujaku knew the sudden change of tune must have hurt his son's feelings, but it couldn't be helped. Years passed and things like that just kept happening. It became impossible to touch Suzaku without that guilty, burning sensation cropping back up.  
It didn't make any sense. It had come on so suddenly, and he held out hope that it would disappear just as fast. But it didn't. It grew more powerful and intense with every passing moment. At the same time Suzaku grew more beautiful, and he was still that same affectionate little kitten. He still longed to be with his father but suddenly was restricted. He wanted to crawl up onto ChiChi-ue's lap or snuggle up with Mama on the couch, yet neither were allowed. Kujaku couldn't stand to see his son be held by anyone else but at the same time couldn't stand holding Suzaku himself. Finally this rejection caused Suzaku to get so confused that he just sat at his father's feet and cried. "What'd I do wrong?" he kept asking, "I'll be a good boy now," those wet lips insisted "so love me again okay? Okay?"

Oh, he was so hopelessly naïve. Just so young. He couldn't understand and Kujaku couldn't possibly admit the truth to his precious, innocent son… "I do love you," he finally conceded as he joined Suzaku in sitting on the ground. And at that time it was Suzaku that crawled closer and nuzzled his wet face into his father's chest. "Just don't tell anyone."

"I promise," the sobbing child swore. And from then on, Suzaku began to let his father kiss him. It was a mistake. Kujaku knew how poisonous it would be, but just couldn't help it. Never had he wanted something so badly yet felt so disgusting for pursuing it. And naïve or not, Suzaku had instincts of his own. He soon grew uncomfortable and even more confused but was then torn between two extremes: either never touch his father again or allow for inappropriate, uncomfortable contact. It was so unfair. 'No child should ever have to make such an awful choice, certainly not on a daily basis…'  
"I love you," Kujaku never failed to remind him, "oh so much…"

Love. That powerful, unstoppable force that could drive one to either build miracles or commit atrocities. Put the three words together and they would cast a spell of entrapment. With the initial kiss the addiction set in and each following touch formed another link in the chain.  
Disgusting. Despicable. Kujaku wanted to puke on himself, but the feeling would not be denied any longer. The more he tried to avoid it, the more it tortured and tempted. Midari Kujaku was subordinate to no one yet a slave to those sparkling green eyes and that snowy white skin…

And as Suzaku grew older and wiser, he began to resist more and more, until finally he just would not allow himself to even be touched. Then the Schizophrenia set in and Suzaku had to be isolated not only from his family but other people as well. Kujaku knew that his son would require professional treatment, but also understood the possible benefits of allowing the illness to manifest. Catatonia was one such benefit. It would cause Suzaku to lose control of his own body, meaning that he would be susceptible to any outside influence. Now, after years of frustrated, torturous silence, Kujaku found himself empowered. He could say or do anything and his son would not be able to resist or even remember the occurrence…

"ChibiSu?" Kujaku spoke clearly, but received no reply. He waved a hand before those dead green eyes and they did not follow or even blink. Suzaku still could not wake, so Kujaku was tempted more than ever before. 'How long will he be unconscious? Can he still feel or hear?' Probably not. But most importantly, Suzaku could not… resist. A priceless chance like this would never come again…

'I could make love to him now. Finally…'

He knew he shouldn't. But something inside of Kujaku was just so completely addicted to touching this younger, delicate little creature. Desperately he wished that he could completely own Suzaku. That was why he'd always used his status to control his son, why he'd abused him all through his childhood. It was wrong, he knew. Sick, they would call it. But Suzaku was the only thing that made life worth living; the only thing he'd ever wanted yet never been able to obtain. Even now, with that beautiful body resting lightly against his own, he knew it did not belong to him. If Suzaku were to wake up he'd surely panic.

_'Don't touch me!'_

How many times had those pink lips begged, cursed, and refused him? Kujaku had lost count.  
Being that Suzaku was now a teenager, he was not so small and defenseless anymore. He was quiet, but still stubborn and with this new illness, unpredictable and potentially dangerous. Yes, Kujaku realized that he should not be anywhere near Suzaku right now. He knew all about the disorder and what it was capable of driving its victims to do…

'But that doesn't matter.'

Carefully he reached down and unbuttoned his son's shirt, examining the formerly perfect, snowy skin beneath. Jagged red lines had been carved against that smooth chest and all down those thin arms; self inflicted injuries. They were not deep and would not even scar, but to Kujaku they spoke volumes that blood could never measure. Torment, suffering… Unbearable misery had dripped from these wounds. They symbolized the torturous pain within Suzaku.

'Loneliness. Self-loathing. Shame…' Kujaku knew because he felt each of those same feelings, and in turn had caused them to manifest in his son. 'It's my fault.' The bad genes, and the childhood trauma had combined with the hopeless misery that came from seventeen years of being trapped in a home with someone who used and betrayed him…  
'All my fault…'

"Because I was obsessed with you. Chased you, loved you, wanted you more than anything or anyone." This confession went unheard, just like the many times he'd whispered it in his heart; the heart that ached terribly for someone he was never meant to have… But still he traced his hands over the body he'd tortured so many times, feeling the beat of Suzaku's own heart, which undoubtedly loathed every fiber of his being…

_'Don't touch me!'_

Well now he could. It didn't make any difference. When Suzaku finally woke, he would not even remember what happened…

Kujaku moved then, intending to reverse their positions. He fetched a pillow to place that beautiful head onto, but to his surprise, the pillow clinked when lifted and many heavy metal objects fell from inside the case. "Razor blades and knives?"

So these were the source of Suzaku's self-inflicted wounds. How had he managed to collect so many? Vaguely Kujaku realized that he should not leave them for Suzaku's future use, but he couldn't be bothered with such worries.

'I don't have time for this shit. I have to hurry before ChibiSu wakes...'

Deciding to just leave them, he fluffed the feather pillow and put it beneath that lovely head, but before he was able to take his place on top of the catatonic redhead, Suzaku stirred. Kujaku froze, watching those emerald eyes widen. Did they recognize him now? It didn't seem so. They were devoid of fear, or any other emotion for that matter. Suzaku sat up then, never once taking his eyes from those of his father. "ChibiSu?"

Suzaku did not even blink. Those dead green eyes showed no recognition, and even when Kujaku leaned closer, the younger male did not flinch as he usually would. That beautiful head cocked to the side and Kujaku immediately moved to force a kiss onto those sweet pink lips. Suzaku's skin was cold, just like his gaze, and only his hands seemed alive. One of them fisted Kujaku's shirt, trying to push him off, but he persisted, forcing that beautiful body back against the mattress and working those tight pants right off those flawless hips. That burning, insistent desire won out over reason. Everything happened faster than he could comprehend. One moment those sweet lips bathed comfort and the next those precious porcelain legs were hefted up onto his shoulders. Fiercely he penetrated the body he'd dreamt to, but at the exact same moment Suzaku did the very same thing only his choice of weapon was not flesh but metal. Kujaku choked on his own blood, recoiling too late. Wet velvet spattered that already red-streaked chest as Suzaku retracted the knife, only to thrust it right back in.

The two tumbled off the bed, one writhing; screaming in pain, and the other panting only slightly.  
Suzaku was just as emotionless as ever. Mama burst through the door about five seconds too late, but not even her sobbing, shrieking cries had any effect. "Midari-Sama! What's happened?! Suzaku what have you done?!"

For some reason Kujaku couldn't stop smiling. "Got what I deserved," he choked, trying but failing to crawl closer to his son. "Mama get out of the way. I want to see him..." The pain was unbearable and his strength was slipping away, but that hardly mattered. The shuddering, forced breaths allowed those secret words to escape his bleeding body as he locked gaze with those emerald eyes; determined. "I'm sorry ChibiSu. I truly loved you. Always, always…"

"He can't hear you…" Blue eyes blinked the tears away as Mama waved a hand in front of her son's dead gaze, but Kujaku only chuckled. "I know."

She crawled over to him, unsure if she should even be crying. Kujaku stared off at the ceiling in silence and actually startled when he felt her hands stroking his hair. "I always loved you Kujaku," she whispered, letting those tears fall on his cheeks. He didn't say anything, but closed his eyes with a smile while she sobbed only harder, trying not to look at him anymore.

"Kotori."

Now those blue eyes snapped right back to those weak emerald ones. 'He said my name. My real name…' She couldn't believe her ears. Kujaku smiled up at her, admiring her lovely, feminine countenance. "Don't you get it, Kotori? My little bird?" It wasn't a real question.  
He stopped for a moment and coughed up some more scarlet, but still mentioned to force the words out. "You are finally free. We knew… Both of us knew you deserved a real husband. Go on and fly away…"

She shook her head, clasping those slippery fingers in her own. "I'll call an ambulance…"  
"Don't-"  
"You'll die!" She stood and made to leave, but he stopped her again with one last request.  
"Tell them it's my fault. All mine, okay?"

"Hai."

He watched her run out, chuckling wryly to himself. Even now all he cared about was Suzaku; the beloved phoenix who would never be his. "I am sorry my love," he whispered, knowing it made no difference since Suzaku was not truly conscious.

Suzaku watched the other man's lips move, but the words just didn't register. He did not even recognize his own father. He felt nothing; not guilt or surprise or even vindication. The man who had molested and tortured him for years lay bleeding; suffering. Yet later that night, when the police detained and questioned the startled redhead, Suzaku would not be able to recall a single second of the attack.

**_"Because he didn't do it."_**  
**_"He's not strong enough."_**  
**_"Only we are."_**

Suzaku Midari had never carried out a single act of violence in his life.  
Schizophrenia; however, had.

* * *

"Don't touch me, don't touch me." It was automatic and all Suzaku wanted, but apparently everyone else disagreed. White coats and rubber gloves… Suits, lawyers, doctors, nurses. He was sick of them all. "Don't touch me!" Their hands were cold and their words were nothing but a flurry of terms he couldn't understand…

"He won't sit still for a physical examination, but it's obvious enough just looking at him."  
"Multiple lacerations. Incest. Rape."  
"The poor thing..."

"Self defense plea-"  
"Not possible."  
"Not fit to stand trial…"

"Rehabilitation..."

Many days had passed, or at least that's what Suzaku assumed... He had lost count of how many different injections he'd been given. Some were to sedate and some to treat the symptoms of his illness. Finally one of them seemed to work. Slowly the world began to spin less. The disembodied voices faded while real words began to make sense, and finally he was able to attend psychiatric counseling.

On one not so special Sunday, he sat in his twenty-sixth counseling session, talking to a young pale woman who was also wearing a white coat. But somehow hers was different. She was different. When she walked that coat fluttered behind her like big white wings… Her voice was melodic and gentle, as if she were singing. The moment they met Suzaku knew she was an angel. He could just tell. Those smooth white wings were exactly what he wanted to replace his tainted red ones with…

"Good evening Midari Suzaku," that gentle voice greeted. Today Angel's countenance betrayed a hint of melancholy and apprehension. "I spoke with Midari Kotori…"

"You found Mama?" He was shocked.

"She found me," Angel clarified. "And instructed me to tell you a few things."  
He nodded, listening intently.

"Per your release from this clinic, you are to meet with one of the family lawyers and formally claim your inheritance. Your mother has liquidated both hers and your father's estates and has instructed everything be given directly and only to you. At age twenty-five you will also stand to inherit the company known as Midari Corp."

"Inheritance?" He echoed; confused. "What do you mean?"

Angel was obviously uncomfortable… "Well… I'm hardly a lawyer. Normally none of this would be any of my business, only your mother specifically requested I deliver this…"  
She handed him an official looking stack of papers that made no sense whatsoever to Suzaku. He flipped through the pages, not knowing what to think of them. He noticed the word "beneficiary" many times, as well as his own name. "Upon the death of Midari Kujaku…" He read aloud, tracing over the many rows of numbers. He was excellent at math, but it was more money than he could possibly add up…

"This means that Oto-san…"

"Is dead, yes."

"But I thought- the doctors, they said he was better! They said he was going to stand trial!"

"Well he was but…" She trailed off, contemplating. "Ne, Midari-San, you do realize that you never would have been able to see him again, either way, right?"

"So?!" Suzaku couldn't believe this was happening. Why would his angel even show him something so cruel? He didn't want that stupid, filthy money. He wanted Oto-San! This had to be a dream; a nightmare. Surely he'd wake up in a few years and they would meet again…  
There was still time. If they worked at it hard enough, they could have a normal relationship, the kind father and son should have… "He can't be dead. You're wrong. This must be a mistake."

Angel looked so sad. She remained gently yet infuriatingly calm. "Ne…" she whispered,  
"have you ever heard the tale of the Bamboo Cutter?"

"What does that have to do with anything?!" Suzaku hadn't meant to shout. His hands shook as he stared down at those confusing documents, unable to tear his eyes from the word 'Death.'  
Impossible. It just wasn't possible for Oto-San to be dead. Those powerful arms and handsome, lively features. Not even the multiple stab wounds had been enough to kill him. Nothing would be. "It can't be. It can't be…" 'Not my Oto-san. He would never leave me. Never…'

Yet here it was written, in plain black and white. And he knew all too well that Angel would never tell such a cruel lie…

How could this be? It was too much, too fast. Oto-san's voice. His touch. Every moment, every possibility... It was all gone now? Without even the chance to say goodbye?

The tears began to fall, hot and stinging like the pain in his heart. Absently Suzaku dropped the pages as well, one by one, until he came to the very final sheet. This one was different. It was not a document, but seemed to be a copy made from a wrinkled sheet of paper. Familiar messy handwriting scrawled across. Some of the words had been smudged with Kujaku's tears…

"What good, this potion of immortality? If I will never see my love again?"

'The tale of the bamboo cutter...'  
_'He can see but not touch the one he loves…'_  
'Because he couldn't be with me.'

"My Oto-San… killed himself."

* * *

Red hair. Green eyes. Kujaku. Suzaku. Peacock. Phoenix. Similar names. Entwined fate.  
That red string would always remain, hanging limply from his neck, though Suzaku could not see it. Kujaku himself had severed the bond he cherished above everything. What good, this life? What good; this torturous, miserable, empty existence?

"What's the point of living, without the one you love?"

"Su-Chan how can you say things like that?!"  
Suzaku forced himself to pay attention to the present. Jakotsu was reprimanding him, looking very worried. "I am still here! I'll help you. We can apologize to Hiten together!"

"It's useless…"

"No it's not, Su-Chan. We just have to keep everyone calm and talk it out."

"Pointless."  
Suzaku sighed, closing his eyes as his hands pressed once again to his temples. He wished Jakotsu would just shut up and let him sleep. He wished he didn't have to even wake up from that sleep. What was the point anyway? If Hiten did not even want to deal with him anymore…

His red eyes stared vacantly at the walls of his house. It also had lost its meaning, just like Suzaku himself. Once Hiten and Jakotsu had gone, perhaps he'd just go buy a few gallons of gasoline and burn it to the ground…

Or maybe that was just the illness talking. Maybe not.

Jakotsu lie beside him with his arms around his waist, and Suzaku marveled at how beautiful he looked today. He was so pale and perfect, lying so still. Kind of like a corpse; peacefully resting. Wouldn't it be nice to rest like the dead? There would be no more voices and no more confusion. No more of this unbearable pain in his chest...

_'you can just keep my fucktoy. I'm through with him.'_

"My Hiten… Is really not coming back." The thought barely processed in his grief stricken mind. Now Suzaku felt the same terrible loneliness that had driven his father to kill himself. Knowing that the only one you loved would not return was so much more painful than any physical wound. Assault, rape… Nothing could compare to agony like this.

The room seemed to spin as the voices laughed and taunted; mocking, tormenting.  
_**"We told you he would leave."**_  
_**"What more did you expect?"**_  
_**"You should have just let us kill him for you."**_  
_**"Like we said, but you didn't listen. That necklace would have been perfect."**_  
_**"Find us something sharp. Go to him again…"**_  
_**"Let us do the rest."**_

'But I can't!' His own thoughts were too terrible to handle. He wanted so badly to listen. The regret burned with the pain in his chest. If only he really had at least tried to kill Hiten. Maybe then he'd deserve this terrible, aching loneliness…

His stomach twisted painfully and his muscles began to lock up; familiar, silent catatonia. Suddenly everything grew dimmer, darker, then faded into nothing.

"There must be something I can do to help…" Jakotsu offered, but Suzaku said nothing in reply. The redhead was suddenly frozen; catatonic. "Su-Chan?" Worried, Jakotsu shook his best friend's seemingly lifeless body, but Suzaku would not respond. His eyes were just barely open, but stared off at nothing.

'What the fuck?' Was Suzaku just ignoring him? Or was this a symptom of his illness? 'Well at least he isn't crying anymore…' Shrugging, Jakotsu crawled down from the bed but made sure to tuck Suzaku in. "Stay here," he instructed, though he needn't have bothered. "I'm going to call my aniki, okay? I'll be right in the living room." Suzaku did not respond.  
His dark, half-lidded eyes were still gazing off, somewhere far away.

Jakotsu hurried out of the room, closing the door as he made his way over to the bathroom, where he snatched up another of the little white pills.

"LILLY 4117", he read aloud. It didn't mean anything to him, but surely his psychiatrist brother; Suikotsu, would be able to tell him what this medication was used for. Perhaps it wouldn't solve anything just to put a name to the illness, but he still knew it would make for a damn good start.

* * *

Poison by Groove Coverage  
(AKA Kujaku's Theme Song)

I want to love you, but I better not touch.  
I want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop  
I want to kiss you, but I want it too much.  
I want to taste you, but your lips are venomous poison.  
You're poison, running through my veins  
You're poison.  
But I don't want to break these chains.

"I want to hurt you just to hear you screaming my name.  
I want to taste you, but your lips are venomous poison.  
You're poison, running through my veins  
You're poison.  
But I don't want to break these chains.  
Poison.

(AN2 I found this song, quite some time after writing the chapter and was shocked at how well it fit. It is interesting to consider that in this case, Kujaku's poisonous obsession really did cause his death. And one would be correct in assuming that Suzaku's illness is also residual poison.  
One must wonder: is Suzaku himself venomous? If so, who was the real victim? Or more importantly, who will be the next victim?)

-------  
**

* * *

Psychological Terminology:**

**Catatonia-** In Suzaku's case, this refers to symptoms of remaining motionless, but for some people the exact opposite occurs and they cannot stop moving.  
**Genetic predisposition** - refers to the likelihood of inheriting a mental illness from someone in your family. Schizophrenia is proven to be inheritable and the 'Paranoid' type is the most common form. However, bad genes are NOT sufficient to cause symptoms to develop. Childhood abuse is one of the most easily identifiable possible causes. As they say "genetics load the gun, environment pulls the trigger."  
**Prognosis-** the 'future outlook' if you will. Schizophrenia usually comes with one of the most daunting of prognoses. It is a lifelong illness. The Paranoid type is sometimes considered the most dangerous because real or perceived threats can trigger automatic offensive responses. (For instance, the way Suzaku automatically stabbed his father when Kujaku tried to rape him.)  
It is important to note; however, that the Schizophrenic himself does not intend or desire to hurt others. Much like the case of Suzaku and his father. He would never have intentionally hurt Oto-San. It only happened because Kujaku provoked it while Suzaku's Schizophrenia was in its most active, dangerous stage.

Notice that once Su-Chan is on meds at his counselor's office, he is terribly distraught when he hears that Kujaku is dead. Likewise, Suzaku would be devastated if anything ever happened to Hiten, but unfortunately his schizophrenic side does not care.


	28. Diamonds

disclaimer  
I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, Suzaku, Hiten or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.  
(Although I wish I did own those adorable, wonderful, super kawaii, sexy little sons of...ahem! anyways)  
I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.  
I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.  
- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

**Not For All The World**

**Chapter Twenty-Nine: Diamonds Born of Tears  
**

* * *

"Bankotsu, what's wrong?"

His beautiful head ground against his locker. The frustration shook his entire body and eventually began to leak from those miserable blue eyes. "You can tell me…"

He ignored the concerned questioning of his best friend, banging his head again into the cold metal. "Ban, If there's anything I can d-" "Shut up Rai-Chan!"

Hiten scoffed; indignant. "Your girlfriend's cheating on you again, huh?"

"Shut up!"

Hiten watched his best friend from a courteous distance. He couldn't tell if Bankotsu was sobbing or growling. "Just leave me alone, Rai-Chan…" those miserable lips mumbled. They were already wet with tears. "You don't understand what it feels like…"

"What what feels like?" he challenged.

"Being betrayed by someone you love!" Bankotsu grit out, still refusing to look at Hiten.  
"You have no idea how much it hurts to pour your heart out into someone, to give them everything! Only to have them leave anyway…"

Bankotsu startled, not having realized just how close Hiten had moved to him. Those strong arms pulled him away from the lockers and held him close. "Help me understand then," he whispered, "Tell me what it's like." Careful fingers wiped the tears from Bankotsu's face as he leaned back, shutting his eyes against the misery of reality.

"It feels like a knife to your chest. Like something inside of you is cut up and bleeding. Like you might die. And then worst of all… you open your eyes and realize…  
You're still breathing."

* * *

-----------------

The handcuffs were removed. He could write now, at least. Blue ink. He hated it. Normally he would insist on green to match his ChibiSu's eyes, but today he had more important things to worry about.

"This is gonna be a cakewalk!" The sharply dressed lawyer bragged. He was carrying many other documents that he wanted signed. "Trust me Midari-Sama, I'll have you out of that hellhole in a week tops! You'll be right back on top of the company!"

"Excellent." Kujaku mumbled vaguely, signing his name on each form as they wandered down into the train station. "We're taking the express?"

"Yes sir, I believe in doing everything fast!" That fake grin bragged, "Like I said, one week tops! I've ensured that not even your wife will be able to touch the estate. The company is awaiting your return! They can't believe all this media bullshit! Incest?! Yeah right! We can make that disappear in a heartbeat!"

"Oh, I know." Kujaku waved him off as they stood waiting on the train, "So the financials are covered. That's very nice. But when will I be able to-"

"Midari-Sama please step away from the yellow line."

Kujaku growled as he took a step back. "I'm not a child. I know its dangerous to stand near the train tracks…" Just as he said this a train roared past, shaking the entire platform. His long red hair whipped about with the wind it stirred up, but Kujaku hardly noticed. "Anyway as I was saying. When will I get to see my son?"

The fake grin suddenly vanished from his lawyer's face. The pressed shirt and suave hair looked positively ridiculous when the confidence was gone… "Is that a joke?" He wondered, and then the smile returned as he offered a hearty laugh. "Midari-sama that would be quite impossible! I'm the best in the business but I'm not superman! Your son may as well be dead for the likelihood of your ever speaking to the boy again. Not that it really matters since-"

Those lips were still moving. The people bustled to and fro and more trains roared past, shaking the very ground beneath his feet, but Kujaku Midari heard none of this. He turned one of those documents over and carefully recorded a message on the blank side of it. The pen snapped in his hands, mimicking the silent ruptures in his chest. He placed his note on the ground, nodded politely to his lawyer, and promptly hopped over the yellow line, onto the train tracks. His vision was blurry. Bright white lights sparkled; diamonds born of tears.

* * *

The bloodspatter painted the walls.

Hiten Raiyuki didn't care. He shook his arm once again, watching the little flecks of red fly.  
He wanted everyone to see this, the product of the heartache he'd hidden for so many years.  
_'I hate you!'_ those sweet lips had said.

"I love you, I love you…" He whispered, forcing the blade back into his arm. 'Bankotsu'  
That scarlet kanji glared up at him, reflecting the most desperate desire of his suffering heart. 'Forever' they had promised. But that was ruined now. Surely Bankotsu's love for him had swirled right down those drains along with that dirty water and Jakotsu's blood.

_'You have no idea how much it hurts to pour your heart out into someone, to give them everything! Only to have them leave anyway…'_

"Well now I do," Hiten scoffed. "Satisfied now, Ban?"

* * *

History repeat itself, like the merciless stroke of a rapist's fury.  
So here Hiten sat, two years later, with everything he wanted slipping through his fingers.

'Grief.' That's what they called this. Now he fully understood what Bankotsu meant.

_'It feels like a knife to your chest. Like something inside of you is cut up and bleeding. Like you might die. And then worst of all… you open your eyes and realize…_  
_You're still breathing.'_

Hiten couldn't think of anything else. Only that beautiful body pressed to Jakotsu's. Those sweet pink lips tasting sultry red ones… The pain it caused was like nothing he'd ever felt before, so much worse than the bloody scars on his arm or the new puncture wounds that he'd covered up on his neck.

Why had his SuChan done such a terrible thing? He didn't know. It didn't make any sense! How could his sweet, innocent pet crawl out of bed with him and then hop in with Jakotsu so soon afterward?

Suzaku lacked for nothing. Nothing. Hiten was more than willing to provide anything he could dream of. Love, money, strawberries, sex, whatever! 'So why the fuck would he want Jakotsu instead!?'

What was the deal? How was it that everyone he'd ever loved wanted Jakotsu instead? Maybe SuChan would have left him, just like Bankotsu. Perhaps it was better that Hiten walk away before he wound up with another person's name to add to the scars on his arm...

Oh, it was so unfair. 'Jakotsu doesn't love you like I do.' That's what he wanted to say. He wanted to selfishly cling, even if Suzaku truly did want someone else instead... Pathetic. Just thinking of it made him absolutely miserable...

'But at least... Suzaku's not hurt.'  
How pathetic, that he would worry for the safety of the one who'd ripped his heart out and stepped on it...

'I should have fucking killed him…'  
But love had finally won out over his more aggressive nature and Hiten noted that little spark of hope. It was a small victory. He knew how to control the anger now, but that wouldn't do any good if he couldn't stand to face his treacherous lover again…

How was it even possible to feel something like this; wry, annoying joy in the face of sheer misery? That stupid, useless emotion known as love; obnoxious hope that just could not be snuffed out...  
'Maybe I should just kill myself instead…'

"Raiyuki-Sama you are fucking psychotic!"

Hiten didn't even bother to say anything in response to the furious secretary who'd just burst into his office."What the fuck is your problem!?" Tekkei persisted, nudging her stubborn boss who lay facedown on his desk, trying his best to ignore her. "Raiyuki, you just storm in here after skipping out for days, you fire three people for no apparent reason, and now you refuse to do anything but stare at your desk! What is the deal?!"

"Shut up Tekkei."

"Don't you tell me to shut up! I'm the only one doing any work in this fucking office! If I shut up then who the hell is going to pick up the phone that you've been ignoring all day?!"

Hiten put his hands to his head, slamming it against the desk and causing his secretary to startle. "Stop that! You're going to cause brain dama- Oh my God…" She leaned closer to him, trying to touch his face, but he shoved her away, turning swiftly away with his hands over his face. "Just leave, Tekkei…"

"Raiyuki-sama are you crying?!"

"Shut up!" He rubbed furiously at the tears that wouldn't stop, refusing to look at her, even as she knelt beside him with a comforting hand on his shoulder. The anger had disappeared completely from Tekkei's voice. "I didn't mean to yell, Raiyuki-Sama. Tell me what to do and I'll fix the problem, whatever it is."

"You can't fix it!" He jerked away from her touch, tugging miserably on his long dark hair.  
"No one can fix it…"

"What's happened?" She persisted, "Something happened with your wife?"  
Hiten glared hard at his bookcase, refusing to respond to her gentle prodding. Absently his eyes wandered over each of his awards, trophies, and expansive book collection. Once upon a time he thought things like this were essential. Football cups and 'honorable mentions' and whatever other stupid little tokens people strove to collect. But none of it mattered now. None of the 9's in his checkbook or the promotions, or even his sleek luxury car. None of it meant anything.

The only thing that mattered to him was that stupid, treacherous redhead.  
He didn't even have a photograph of Suzaku in this huge, meaningless executive office…

'I tried. I _really_ tried to be good enough to make him happy...' What a waste that it had to end like this.

Suzaku was miles away. Maybe he was crying too, sobbing Hiten's name with those quivering pink lips as the tears poured from his gorgeous emerald eyes. But tears couldn't wash away the betrayal. The sobs couldn't drown out the shrieking, raging fury in his veins. If he left Suzaku, maybe he could bury these feelings, just like he'd smothered his love for Bankotsu. No one had to get hurt.

He could let go. He had to let go, or else he might seriously kill Suzaku…

"Has Su-Chan left you?" Absently he shook his head, weighing the pros and cons of firing his well-meaning secretary. He wished she'd just shut up. She'd stumble across the right answer soon enough…

"Then maybe… She's cheated on you?"

Hiten scoffed, suddenly wishing he'd hired a man to be his assistant. It was so much easier to just toss them away like garbage. At the very least he could punch a male. But instead he'd foolishly chosen a delicate, intuitive female that looked almost exactly like the person he loved. 'That's funny. Suzaku looks like a girl.' He almost laughed wryly at that thought, shaking his head.

"Su-Chan is not my wife. He was my lover, but we're breaking up now."

This finally confessed, he swung around in his chair, and despite the tears, he was unable to stop himself from grinning at the look of pure shock on her face. Those bright green eyes were so wide. 'Amusing.' They were normally so perfectly almond-shaped, just like Suzaku's…  
'Well that sure shut her up.' Vaguely he wondered why she wasn't wearing her usual pink lipstick instead of this ugly red shade…

"He?" Tekkei whispered, and Hiten nodded.

"I love him anyway," Hiten sighed, "and you know what else? I'm not the brainless, grouchy douche bag that I pretend to be. I just act like that so stupid people won't nose around in my business. Though apparently, it hasn't managed to dissuade you…"  
He lie his head back down, wondering if she would be disgusted by this new knowledge. His entire outer appearance was little more than a facade. But all things considered, he didn't care either way. Nothing would change the fact that he was who he was. And despite everything, he still loved that gorgeous, redheaded, perfectly male angel.

"Tell me about the real you, then," Tekkei requested. She seemed genuinely concerned.  
"Tell me the story about you and this Su-Chan. I'm not prejudiced or anything…"  
Hiten sighed, considering cutting her off there as he usually would. But for some reason he felt he may as well answer honestly. She sat there in silence, waiting for his response with baited breath, and finally he conceded. 'It can't hurt… I may as well tell her.'

"Suzaku is Su-Chan's real name. We were friends since gradeschool." he figured that was as good a place as any to begin the story… "But, two and a half years ago, right when we should have been entering college, Suzaku gave me this," he took off the golden locket, retrieving it from its usual hiding place beneath his shirts, and handed it to her. She opened the smooth little heart and he wondered what she thought of the fact that he'd kept the note inside.

"I've always been in love with you," She read.

Tekkei sat on his desk, gazing intently at the necklace in her hand. She was speechless, apparently, but it still felt nice to finally admit the truth to someone. "Gifts mean a lot to me," Hiten explained, "It's been years but I never took off that locket until just now…" Tekkei listened in silence, nodding politely as he told the story, even though he knew he should have told it to a different redhead beauty…

"Since then I've searched everywhere for something to give him in return. Some expensive gift or exotic work of art; anything to express myself back. It was hard as fuck because Su-Chan doesn't like gifts. So it took all that time, but finally, last week, I found what I was searching for. A tattoo. They told me to wait so I could be sure I wanted it, since it was such a big picture. But I knew already. I wanted that tattoo just like I wanted him. So what if it hurt like a bitch and cost me a fortune? It took a couple hours though cuz I wanted it to be perfect. So I got home really late that night. but I was so excited, like high on life. I wanted to sneak into my room and surprise him..."  
He turned away from Tekkei, not wanting to see his own sadness reflected in those shining green orbs. "But Su-Chan wasn't there. He was in someone else's bed…"

"That was the day you told me you got in a fight with Su-Chan?"

"Yeah… I hurt him pretty bad. He's not as strong as me… I should have left him then. We were bad for each other to begin with, and then I didn't trust him anymore either..."  
Hiten sighed. Even he knew that it was essential to be able to trust a lover. Once the trust was gone, no one could rewind time and salvage it. He could have raged and screamed and hurt Suzaku as much as he wanted, but it was too late anyway…

"But I just couldn't leave him. How pathetic is that? Nothing could change. Guess I loved him too much. I couldn't just get up and walk away from the only person that matters to me, even if I knew he fucked with someone else…"

Tekkei sat beside him on the floor of the office, gazing out the window with him. Every now and then those saddened, helpless green eyes met his own, and when they did he smiled kindly, even though he still wished that she really had gone out and bought that gun he'd asked for.

"This morning I saw them together again, but this time was different. We didn't fight. No one _important _got hurt… Instead I just gave up. There's no point in going back home. It sucks, but he doesn't belong with someone like me. He's very sick. He warned me about it before but I didn't understand. Some kind of mental illness… Seems like it only gets worse when I'm around. Nothing I do will ever make him better. He was always, always just… unhappy."

Hiten smiled wryly as he gazed out through that huge window, taking in the breathtaking view of the city with that swimming blue sky. The clouds floated lazily by and the land below teemed with life. "This world. It sucks pretty hard, for being so pretty. People call it 'grief' when you lose someone you love. You swear your heart has broken, and selfishly you think the sky must be falling… But nothing actually changes. Time passes just the same and your obligations remain just as pressing. You have to go to work, even if you feel you don't have the strength to face the day. Your heart still beats, even though you wish it really had broken. Like your stupid body missed the memo. It's still alive but inside everything is already dead…"

Tekkei looked like she wanted to say something, but he cut her off before she could.

"So thanks for asking, Tekkei, but no one can fix something like that. I appreciate the thought. You can go home if you like, and I will get back to work and try not to think about him…"

He tore his eyes from that golden locket and refused to take it back. "Just keep it. Like all of the other sappy romantics with their stupid bleeding hearts and poetic, longwinded lectures, I too must face the music and accept reality for what it is."

Hiten swung back around in that huge, leather seat, switching the ringer back into the on position of his new telephone, which immediately began to ring. He smiled fondly at his now standing secretary. "Go on home. Take the next two days as extra paid vacation. I'll see you in Japan."

"No, Raiyuki-Sama."

He startled, almost ripping the document he'd been meaning to sign. "What?"  
Had his subordinate secretary just refused to do what he told her to?! He turned, raising an incredulous eyebrow at her. "Would you rather have _unpaid_ vacation?"

"I will not leave." She crossed her arms, resolutely. "How could I just leave after hearing something like that?! I will not go. I will stay all night if I have to. We can get all of this work done tonight if we work together! And then you can go home and talk to him!"

"I don't even want-"

"Liar!" Tekkei yelled over the ringing telephone, refusing to back down.  
"Stop being so stupid! You can't give up on love, Raiyuki-sama!" She put the locket back around his neck, where it belonged, finishing with a mischievous grin. "If you don't go home tonight I swear I'll email the entire building and tell them a boy gave you this locket!"

With that Tekkei snatched the telephone from the base and locked herself in the side office.  
He could see her chattering away through the glass windows, and for a moment he thought of just how similar she was to Suzaku…

'She's so stubborn.' But as he turned back to his own desk to look at the mound of paperwork he still had to complete, he felt a little glimmer of affection for her.  
"What the fuck? This strange feeling?" He wondered aloud, sparing a glance at his newfound comrade. 'Something like love? For a woman?!' That thought freaked him out so badly that Hiten shook his head and poured himself back into his work; fixated.

The locket felt heavier than usual. The thick golden chain hung low so the heart shaped jewelry gently kissed his chest as he absently tucked it back into his shirt.


	29. Yo Gatta

disclaimer

I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, Suzaku, Hiten or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.

I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.

I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.

- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

* * *

(AN: A bit of terminology. "Yo Gatta" loosely translates to "thank goodness."

It is April 20th. Suzaku happens to be just barely twenty years old.

Sometimes nothing goes like we planned. We try our best, even when faced with the most horrendous of ordeals. Humans are like that. We fight, struggle and strive to do everything right. It's hard, and seems hopeless when you're hurting the people you love and getting nowhere very fast... The shroud of mental illness casts this dark hue over everything in life. Words and reason just aren't good enough. So what can we do?

Well Carl Rogers, one of the greats in the field of Psychology, was once asked "What is the cure for neurosis?" and after years of study and research he could offer only one answer: Love. That simple four letter word that was powerful enough to take Kujaku's life yet gracious enough to grant Suzaku's...

Sometimes we are left with little more than that tiny glimmer of hope to look back on. Maybe everything will be lost. Even life itself. But at least, at the very least... there was love.)

* * *

**Not For All the World  
**

**Chapter Twenty-Nine: Yo Gatta  
**

**

* * *

**

Suzaku sat silently, huddled up on the living room sofa as he stared vacantly at the television, which was turned off. He pressed a finger to his lips, stealing a glance at the closed door to the guest bedroom.

Beyond that door lay his very best friend, sound asleep in Suzaku's own bed.  
He had promised to wake Jakotsu as soon as Hiten returned home. Apparently there was something important the queen wanted to tell him. But of course Suzaku had no real intentions of waking him at this time of night… Absently Suzaku stared down at the little note he had ripped off of the front door. Jakotsu had taped it there for Hiten, and the redhead supposed he should put it back, but he still had not.

"Hiten, please wake me up when you get home, even if it is very late. Do not talk to Su-Chan. Please talk to me instead. There is something you must know."

'Is Ja-chan trying to protect me?' Suzaku absently crumpled the little note up and tossed it aside. Hiten probably wouldn't want to talk anyway; he'd just hit him. It was better if Jakotsu was not awake to see that.

Maybe after he worked off all of that anger, he'd feel better and they could be together again...  
Sexual assault, domestic violence... 'What the fuck ever.' They were all just stupid legal terms that Suzaku just couldn't give a shit about. Better to see his lover through a black eye than to never see him again.

And maybe, if he was lucky enough, Hiten really would kill him this time. That would be infinitely excellent; so much better than the torture of living without him...

'Kill me, kiss me. What's the difference?'

Silly Jakotsu had no clue. The thoughtful cross-dresser had even insisted they sleep together that night so that Suzaku would not be alone to face his possibly dangerous boyfriend. But the stubborn redhead had snuck right out from under the queen's nose and sat in the living room to do just that. 'Besides, I can't sleep anyway.' There was just too much incessant chatter going on in his head. It was so bad that the voices could wake him up… He sighed inwardly, letting them chatter nonsensically as he stole a glance at the clock.

"Four AM." Hiten was very, very late. Maybe he wouldn't come back home after all…  
Suzaku sighed, stretching out on the sofa with his feet propped up on the elegant glass coffee table. 'Bet Hiten would bitch at me for putting my feet on his table…'

He could already see Hiten complaining, 'It's fragile!'

_**"Fragile, ne? Do you suppose we really could break this table?"**_  
_**"Looks like it would be so easy…"**_  
_**"Let's do it then. Broken glass is much more useful."**_

Suzaku shook his head, trying his best to ignore the voices. Hopefully the medication would soon kick in. Jakotsu had already forced him to take another pill. Eventually the voices would be gone again, but until then they were still very much a threat… They seemed to want only two things: sex and violence.

But perhaps that was okay. Suzaku loved Hiten Raiyuki after all. Sex and violence were right up his alley…  
Yet it was these same voices that had caused his current separation from the one he loved. The voices had bade Suzaku kiss Jakotsu earlier, and for some reason he had not even been able to stop his body from obeying… Inside he knew that this was very dangerous. It was just like with Oto-San. Either someone would get raped or someone would get stabbed. Possibly both…

He knew he should just let Hiten go. Their relationship was so toxic, so painful. But he just couldn't do it. The very prospect of life without his lover was too terrible to bear.

'I can't stand to be lonely.'  
**_"Cant stand to be lonely. Cant's stand it, cant stand it…"_**

The voices echoed, reverberated, and laughed as if mocking him. Sometimes the laughter intensified and other times it fell away into eerie silence.

_**"We understand."**_  
_**"We always know what to do."**_  
_**"With our help you can have it. We shall have it."**_  
_**"What you want…"**_

"What I want?" Suzaku repeated dubiously, trying to ignore the incessant whispers.  
They were starting to make him dizzy again. He pressed his fingers to his temples but the pressure remained. _**"What you want…What you want, who you want!"**_

Suzaku started, raising his head as a familiar sound cut through the chatter and reached his ears.  
The front door had slammed shut.  
"Speak of the devil…"  
_**"What you want…"**_

Hiten stepped into the apartment, his arms loaded with various items from his workplace.  
His eyes were bleary and his suit was disheveled. That was a rare sight; he looked miserable.  
The weary man hung his car keys on the wall and was about to put down the last item he was carrying, a folder filled with documents, when he spotted Suzaku.

"Su-Chan!" Hiten hurried over to him, tossing the folder of documents carelessly onto the glass coffee table, and immediately Suzaku stood to accept his embrace. Hiten pulled him close, breathlessly whispering. His voice was hoarse and strained; overcome with anxiety. He spoke so quickly; a little rushed but oh, so sincere.  
"Suzaku, I don't want us to break up. All I care about is you. All I want is you."

'He still wants me?'  
_**"What you want…"**_

Suzaku smiled against him, absorbing his worried lover's warmth as he clung even tighter. He couldn't get enough, not even if he could somehow melt his own body into Hiten's. It was impossible, yet it was his dearest desire. 'I want you so badly, I'd kill for you...'

_**"I'd kill for you…"**_  
_**"We'd kill for you."**_  
_**"Kill,"**_  
_**"We'd kill… you."**_

"Tell me the truth, please tell me the truth." He heard his precious lover whisper, again and again. Hiten was actually shivering as his emotion finally spilled out, but Suzaku was silent. Those wattery chocolate eyes begged. He'd never seen Hiten looking so desperate... "Just admit it if you want him instead," Hiten insisted, "It makes me crazy, just being left in the dark! It makes me violent. I never, ever want to hurt you…"

_**"Want to hurt you…"**_  
_**"Want to hurt him…"**_  
_**"We want to hurt him…"  
"And so do you!"**_

Suzaku shook his head, trying to silence the voices. He focused only on Hiten's words; sincere and terrified, and tried to quell his fears. "I don't want Ja-Chan instead." He insisted, "It was just a ki-" But Hiten cut him off, not hearing any of it. "I'm not stupid, Suzaku! I recognize that look in your eyes. You wanted him. Why? Do you love him more? Do you want him more?"

_**"No, we just wanted to give you an excuse to kill Suzaku…"**_

_'What?!'**  
**_

Hiten frowned as Suzaku pulled away, shaking his head rather violently. He was suddenly too scared to speak. "Su-Chan, if you want Jakotsu instead then just let me go…"

_**"Let him go?!"**_  
_**"What a joke!"  
"Just kill him instead!"**_

The laughter between his ears grew again, loud and taunting. The world began to spin.  
Suddenly Suzaku couldn't move, couldn't think. Hiten would not back down. He was talking again; demanding. He was so worried. He was so handsome; so magnificent…

_**"Let us take over**_  
_**This is perfect!**_  
_**Let us kill him!**_  
_**He won't suspect a thing!"**_

"No…" The word left Suzaku's suddenly quivering lips. He could barely decipher what Hiten was asking. Suddenly he wanted desperately to get away. From the voices, from that insisting worried frown. From everything.

"Su-Chan just tell me what you want! You can have it!" Hiten just didn't understand.  
Again Suzaku shook his head, this time more roughly. "No, no I can't..."

"Don't run away from me!" Suzaku had turned to leave but Hiten caught him from behind. Those strong arms wrapped around him and a soft kiss was pressed to his neck, but Suzaku struggled against the very embrace he usually craved.

_**"Don't run, don't run. Turn around."**_  
_**"With him.**_  
_**Want him. Together. Forever. Forever.**_  
_**There's only one way…**_  
_**You know the one way…**_  
_**Kill him…"**_

"Don't make me do that," he begged, choking on his wavering voice. "Let go, Hiten."

"I won't." Hiten held his shaking quarry even closer, gently but firmly. "Tell me the truth for once! Tell me what's wrong with you. Tell me what you really want.…"

Suzaku said nothing, but struggled against his hold still, trying to get away.  
"You can tell me," He heard the man behind him practically begging, "I will still love you."  
The redhead froze for a moment, letting the words digest. "You still love me?…" He echoed, stunned. And the voices in his head buzzed with a new fervor.

_**"He loves you! Kill him now! Kill him and it will last forever!**_  
_**He will die loving you! Don't you want that forever?!**_  
_**Forever those words. Forever those feelings.**_  
_**Forever he will love you if he never moves again!"**_

"Of course." Hiten insisted "Of course I love you!"  
Suzaku's head shook again, this time more desperately and he suddenly yelled as if he were in great pain. "Then let go!" The redhead struggled, forcing out the truth, hoping it made some kind of sense. "I love JaChan but I love you more. I want you more okay?! I love you more, but let me go. I'm sick. I'm dizzy…Please just-"

The redhead was crying harder now. The misery wracked his small form as he sobbed. The shame and the sickness combined, screaming in his head and he couldn't think anymore; couldn't control any of it.

_**"Death is forever.**_  
_**Love. Forever. With him forever.**_  
_**Kill him. Kill him now!"**_

"Let me go!" Suzaku heard himself sobbing, even as his entire being yearned to pull his love closer, he struggled against Hiten with all of his might. He should hold tighter; squeeze tighter. Get his hands on that necklace and choke the life out of those gorgeous chocolate eyes. Wait. No. His mind was just playing tricks, or was it? The message was so loud, so intense. 'Kill Hiten so we can be together?' It didn't make sense but at the same time it did. It was the answer. He knew the answer but hated it. Hated the whispers and the laughter and the pain. It would all go away if he only obeyed...

_**"Do it! If you both die, you'll be with him!**_  
_**With him forever!"**_

"Stop it!" His voice cut through the shrieking laughter and poisonous suggestions.  
He fought against the man that held him; the warm embrace about his trembling body and finally he was released.

Hiten stood, staring unbelieving, at his tormented lover.

Suzaku tumbled from his arms and hit the floor, just barely catching himself. And there he knelt, sobbing uncontrollably as he let the misery drip out along with the violently shuddering whimpers. Hiten sat beside him, watching incredulously as his companion held his own face in his hands, speaking to someone or something that did not even exist. His voice was shaking; desperate.

"Stop it. Just stop it. Please… I don't want to. I won't, I wont…"

He repeated this, again and again, and finally the reason dawned on Hiten as he watched, terrified as his love broke down in front of him. It was just as Jakotsu had said.  
_'Maybe you're too stupid to notice it, but Su-Chan is obviously very sick right now!' _Suzaku was definitely ill. Hiten had never believed it possible, but Suzaku was out of his mind. To see him like this was so saddening, so terrifying…

"It's okay," He heard himself say, though his rational thought was screaming the very opposite. Suddenly it was Hiten who wanted to run away, but he couldn't bring himself to just leave Suzaku there. The poor thing. He looked like he was in such terrible pain… He was so small. With his knees hugged up so tightly, the difference in their ages seemed so much more striking. His poor, sweet little angel. He must feel such terrible shame, breaking down like this, showing so many of the symptoms that he'd tried so desperately to hide.

_'You wouldn't like me... if I told you what was in that bottle.'_

'Yes I do!' Hiten wanted to insist. Would his poor pet even understand if he said it? Wasn't there any way to prove it? Some way to alleviate his suffering?

"It'll be all right, Su-Chan." Hiten spoke gently yet resolutely, thinking as quickly as he could. It was difficult to remain calm and gentle while Suzaku was shivering so violently and refusing his touch, but he still had to try to calm him... "You just need to take your meds. Come, come and lie down on the sofa. I'll get them for you." Hiten reached out but Suzaku flinched, refusing his gentle caress.

"Don't touch me!"

"But Su-"

"Just leave! Leave me alone…" The redhead sobbed. "Please, please just leave." He was trying to yell but could not. His voice seemed strained; hoarse. The humiliation was even more evident than the misery. The tears rolled down his wet pink lips. He shivered and shook, mumbling all the while that he wanted to be left alone. "Leave me, leave me. Please just leave me. Don't. touch. me…"

"I just want to help, Su-Chan." he reached out but Suzaku dodged again. He lie back on the carpet, sobbing, and would not speak anymore. So Hiten stood, unsure of what to do. Maybe he should call the police? But surely that would be too risky. They would try to subdue him, even if Suzaku didn't want to be touched. And what if they hurt him? What if they would want to lock him up? Those rooms with the white walls... Straightjackets and other such nonsense. No way was he letting that happen to Suzaku. He only needed pills right? Those meds… Whatever was in them had made Suzaku act like he had never been sick to begin with! If only he could get those drugs back into him…

At that moment Hiten suddenly became aware that Suzaku had fallen completely silent. He no longer mumbled, speaking to whatever or whoever was tormenting him. Hiten leaned down, gazing into those suddenly still, lifeless eyes. Suzaku blinked, slowly, and his eyes absently followed Hiten's movement. The tears continued to fall, but now his breathing was much more steady. Hiten remembered the last time he'd seen Suzaku like this, but it wasn't quite the same. It wasn't really catatonia, but he still seemed lifeless; unconscious. "Su-Chan?"

The redhead didn't respond, but he did meet Hiten's gaze. He was aware on_ some_ level…

Scary. Like a zombie... Or perhaps someone who'd been brainwashed, like on television?

'Can't be. That's stupid.'

But it sure looked like it. Suzaku was completely, eerily silent all of the sudden, and though those green eyes were fixed with intent, it seemed like there was nothing going on behind them...

Was this a good sign or a bad sign? Either way Hiten decided he preferred this docile, almost silent Suzaku over the panicked, screaming one he had just witnessed. Maybe in this state he would be more likely to take the medicine?

At this thought Hiten stood, deciding it was now or never, and hurried off to fetch one of those familiar white pills.

------------------

* * *

_**"Get up."**_  
Immediately Suzaku rose, blinking the world back into focus. He was alone in the living room now. His mind was empty. He couldn't even remember why he was crying…**_ "Go and sit down."_**  
His wet hands slipped on the smooth surface of the glass coffee table as he made his way back to the sofa. He sat among those soft black pillows and hugged his knees to his chest. He felt nothing and thought of nothing. There was only the voices, giving commands for his body to immediately comply to.

**_"Now's our turn to shine."_**  
**_"We'll make sure Hiten will stay. Forever…"_**  
**_"We'll make sure he can never leave again…"  
"What you want. That's just him isn't it?"  
"Hiten..."_**

As if by magic, that very man walked into the room. Hiten was holding a glass of water in one hand, and looked surprised to see Suzaku sitting up. He approached gingerly and placed a little white pill on the coffee table. It spun around, in slow motion. It looked like it was floating in midair because of the spotless glass surface…

Green eyes blinked and the tears continued but their owner was little more than a puppet.  
_**"Wait for it…"**_

The cushions sank a little as Hiten took his seat beside his lover. Those emerald eyes stared at him, blank and unfeeling. "Take this Suzaku," he instructed, holding out the glass of water. "Or if you like I can mix it into a strawberry smoothie or something. But you have to take your meds."

That beautiful head cocked to the side, but it didn't seem like Suzaku had heard a single word. His mouth hung open a little bit and even though his gaze was unflinching, his mind didn't seem to be there. It was an eerie sight, but Hiten persisted. There was no question now. He had to get the antipsychotics into his system or Suzaku would not be well again. "Suzaku." He spoke louder now, and more clearly. "You have to take this pill."

Finally he seemed to respond. Suzaku leaned closer, and wrapped only one arm around Hiten. It seemed like he wanted a kiss... Hiten absently obliged, desperate to please his irrational lover. Strange that Suzaku tasted the same, even though the sickness had changed him so drastically. Hiten didn't even mind the salt of those tears. He didn't think anything of it when Suzaku slid a hand along his neck, fingering the thick golden chain that symbolized their love. Slowly the redhead wound that chain around his wrist. The length grew shorter and shorter, until the chainlinks pressed tightly against Hiten's neck.

Perfect. The very necklace that had breathed life into their relationship could now be used to strangle it right back out. It was a small price to pay. With Hiten's death, love itself would be realized; immortalized.

Hiten was none the wiser.

After a moment their kiss was broken and Hiten persisted, trying to coax his lover into taking that pill.  
"Here." he offered that glass cup again and finally Suzaku reached out and took it.

For a moment neither man moved.

Those lifeless green eyes stared at the glass, as if it were some strange, mysterious creature. Then without warning, Suzaku brought it up sharply, smashing it against Hiten's face.

Momentarily blinded, Hiten recoiled as the broken glass fell, biting into his skin. But the sudden movement yanked Suzaku only closer. Suddenly Hiten found himself pinned. The bloody cuts stung, biting just as sharply as the chain around his neck. Suzaku's full weight was upon him, his knees dug painfully into his stomach and only then did he realize what those skilled hands intended. One more twist and that necklace bit down until Hiten could not breathe. He choked and struggled, but they were hopelessly bound together. If he pulled away, Suzaku's wrist would only pull him along. If he tried to push Suzaku away, the necklace constricted only tighter around his neck. His eyes flew open as the intention finally hit home.

Suzaku wanted him dead! He wanted him suffocated!

And unfortunately, it seemed he'd picked just the right method. It didn't require any real strength. The wrist twisted up into the necklace was probably turning purple. The more Hiten struggled, the harder it constricted both his neck and his precious angel's wrist. At this rate he'd break Suzaku's wrist, just trying to get it off.  
'I don't want to hurt my Su-Chan.' But even as Hiten thought this he knew there was no other alternative. Suzaku was not going to let up. Every moment spent debating robbed more strength. There was little choice; let himself be suffocated or fight back.

Hiten felt the sting of new cuts as the blood ran down his face and into his eyes, blinding him as his precious locket was pulled only tighter; strangling. Blood and tears combined. He tried to speak but it was impossible. His head swam, starved for oxygen, and he instinctively tried to throw Suzaku off of him, but to no avail. Suzaku's hands fastened around his neck and those painted fingernails bit into his skin. Everything was growing dimmer; darker. He couldn't see for the blood and couldn't breathe; couldn't think. Surely this pleading, terrifying darkness would swallow him up permanently…

He tried once more, desperately putting the last vestiges of his strength into knocking his attacker off. This time it almost worked! Suzaku faltered and immediately Hiten threw him completely off, not even caring when the necklace snapped and fell to pieces. But the resounding, earth-shattering crash made his heart stop.

He bolted upright, coughing, trying to catch his breath as his oxygen-starved brain realized his error too late. He'd thrown Suzaku right into the fragile glass coffee table, which shattered on contact.

Rubbing the blood from his eyes, Hiten beheld the disastrous scene. Shards of glass and ruined documents scattered onto the carpet, followed by a drabble of fresh blood.

'Fuck…'  
It was like a slow-motion nightmare. Suzaku tried to get up but could not, now it was the delicate redhead who writhed in pain. He whimpered as his fingers moved to pry the glass shards from his body. "Stay still Su-Chan!"

Hiten jumped down from the sofa, moving immediately to pull his lover away from the glass, even though he knew the damage had already been done. Gingerly he lifted that beautiful body up into his arms. He then lay his precious boyfriend on the carpet, immediately ripping off Suzaku's ruined shirt so he could examine his shaking, injured body.

The worst cut, one of many, was about six inches across and a centimeter wide, and had been sliced into the side of his lover's stomach. The bleeding was profuse and unobstructed.

Hiten pressed the shirt over it, trying to stop the flow of blood as his lover shivered, whimpering like an injured puppy. Those bright green eyes were alive again, and filled with fear. Yet when they met with Hiten's, his gaze suddenly softened. It was as if Suzaku had just realized something amazingly calming...

Careful, bloody hands reached up, and for a moment Hiten was afraid the redhead would try to strangle him again. But he did not. Those shaking fingers slid gently down his cheek and Suzaku's paling lips curved into a weak smile. "Oh, my Hiten..." Like he'd only just recognized him...

Suzaku cupped his lover's face, gingerly, not noticing the blood he was smearing onto that handsome visage. "Yo gatta…" He whispered, letting his hand fall weakly back to the floor.

"Now you are safe…"

"Don't talk!" Hiten insisted, pulling him closer. His embrace was so warm…  
'I love you, I love you," He kept whispering. Hiten was shaking; crying, but miraculously alive.

"I love you too…"

"Shush. Su-Chan, save your strength…"

'Why?…' Suzaku wanted to laugh, but could not. How ironic. Hiten didn't even care about the ghastly purple bruises around his own neck. He only felt Suzaku's pain. Warm tears dripped just like the blood; soothing. 'Don't be sad.' he wanted to say that, but could not speak anymore.

The shivering set in then.  
It was cold. Numbing, comforting ice bit at Suzaku's snowy white skin as his energy drained out with the blood. But that didn't matter. 'My Hiten is safe.' And that was enough. Suzaku felt only joy; relief. Hiten looked so beautiful, with those bloody tears rolling down his cheeks. If he'd had the choice, Suzaku would have liked to keep that watery chocolate gaze for just a moment longer but his eyelids were just too heavy.

This time the darkness that consumed him was silent; empty. Peaceful.


	30. Stuck For Good

disclaimer  
I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, Suzaku, Hiten or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.  
(Although I wish I did own those adorable, wonderful, super kawaii, sexy little sons of...ahem! anyways)  
I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.  
I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.  
- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

**Not For All The World**

**Chapter Thirty: "Stuck for Good."  
**

* * *

Pink lips were no longer pink. Their color had drained a bit, along with the blood, until they adopted a gentle bluish tint.

"Hiten, seriously… Get off him okay?"

"Jakotsu, seriously… Shut the fuck up."

The queen scoffed, but he didn't argue any further. There was no reasoning with Hiten anyway, since he was obviously stricken with grief. He'd been lying on top of Suzaku for many hours now, and repeatedly refused to move. What must that feel like? Jakotsu tried not to imagine. That redhead was usually pale, but now with the loss of blood, he was even more so, and the fact that Suzaku couldn't move was more than a little bit eerie.

"What are we gonna do about the blood all over the carpet?" Changing the subject seemed to be the best option. Maybe he could coax Hiten into getting up…

"Leave it."

"You can't just leave it there," Jakotsu sighed, trying his best not to get annoyed with his very irrationally-behaving roommate. It wouldn't do any good to just leave Hiten here, alone with both the grief and his immovable lover. "Why don't we go do something… useful?"

Jakotsu carefully made his way over to the bed and leaned down, offering a hand to his miserable companion. Now that he was close enough, he could see the tearstains on Hiten's cheeks. Hiten lie almost directly on top of Suzaku, but Jakotsu could tell he'd put alot of effort into ensuring that he would not crush his smaller, delicate partner. Hiten had insisted on staying very close to Suzaku when he realized just how cold the redhead was beginning to feel so Jakotsu was conflicted. He didn't know if it was better or worse to let Hiten stay close to Suzaku. It _seemed_ to comfort him at least a little bit... Or maybe he was just silently contemplating scenarios and wondering over the best methods to join his lover in motionless sleep... 'That would be awful.' Yes, it was probably better to try and coax him into moving.

The concerned cross-dresser put a comforting hand on Hiten's shoulder, but his companion remained stubbornly fixated. Was it just his imagination or had Hiten just started and become even more transfixed?

"Hiten… If you stay here it's only gonna make you feel worse and-"

"Shh!"

To Jakotsu's surprise, Hiten reached out and took his hand, but instead of allowing his queen to help him up, he pulled the cross-dresser closer. "Listen…" he whispered, and despite himself, Jakotsu gave in and leaned down with him. Hiten coaxed him closer until Jakotsu was almost nose-to-nose with his pale, motionless best friend, and only then did he finally figure out what Hiten had been doing all along; listening to Suzaku breathe.  
Now that he looked more closely, he noticed Hiten had probably been monitoring vital signs for hours. He had one hand wrapped around Suzaku's wrist, feeling his pulse, and remained leaned in close, so that he would be able to both feel the gentle rising and falling of Suzaku's heavily bandaged chest and listen for each breath.

'I know I'll have to move eventually but…'  
Hiten could not even finish reasoning with himself. It was almost as if his brain had short-circuited. No amount of gentle words from Jakotsu or rational thought within his own head could convince him to focus on anything _but_ Suzaku. He was breathing right? And that meant there was still some kind of hope. Surely he would wake. Or maybe this was a coma, like you'd see at a hospital. Maybe he should call the police after all and put Suzaku in the care of experts?

But then he wouldn't be able to stay so close. If Suzaku was going to die, Hiten wanted to at least be there to hear his final breath and feel the final beats of the precious heart that loved him; really, truly loved him…

"Don't do anything stupid, okay?" Jakotsu had stood and gently pulled his hand back to himself.

Hiten chuckled wryly, not bothering to keep his voice down. Suzaku's 'sleep' couldn't be disturbed anyway.. "Like that Romeo and Juliet bullshit?"

"Yeah. Su-Chan might still wake up."

"Hmm…"

Jakotsu caught onto the hope in Hiten's tone, and immediately jumped on the opportunity to try and coax him off Suzaku again. "And anyway shouldn't we get ready for when he does wake up? Just because he looks so innocent now doesn't mean he wont try to kill you again…"

"I should've let him to begin with..."

"Don't say that."

Hiten fell silent after that, deciding there was no point talking to Jakotsu about it. He wouldn't understand anyway. He didn't know what it was like laying here, wondering if the only one you loved would ever wake again. It had been many hours already. The sun had risen, bright and beautiful, as usual, and he'd already called into work. The wounds were cleaned and dressed in neat white bandages, but still Suzaku slept just as soundly as if he were already dead. No noises or movement roused him. Those gorgeous green eyes remained shut, no matter what Hiten tried to coax them open again.

Somehow he felt that he understood Suzaku's illness a bit better now. In his own mind everything seemed jumbled. It was impossible to grasp reality; too painful to consider the what-ifs and how-comes…

Surely he was approaching the very essence of insanity. Suddenly Hiten could sympathize with that foolish, suicidal Romeo and even began to understand how something as horrid as necrophilia could possibly exist. Suzaku was still Suzaku; ethereally lovely. To think that this body remained his, looking and feeling just as it always had, but then consider that he may never be able to make love to it again was just preposterous; absolutely maddening.

'I still love him…'  
When all else faded, only love would remain. How was something so cruel even possible? Why should love continue when life itself reached an end? Why would he still love this heart when it ceased to beat? Still crave those lips when they ceased to move? Being human… Being able to love. Surely there was nothing so bittersweet in all the world…

"It's gonna be okay, Hiten." How annoying. Jakotsu was actually able to think rationally. Hiten wanted very badly to just ignore his kind offers of companionship…

"Let's try this, ne? We'll look online. I bet we can find all kinds of info about Su-Chan's sickness…"

"Really?"

"Yeah, it should be real easy."

Oh, that was too tempting. He'd always wanted to understand this stubborn, psychotic angel.  
A distraction would taste so nice right now. Maybe at least being in a different room would lessen the grief…

Despite himself, Hiten untangled his limbs from those of his unconscious, hopefully not comatose lover, and tried not to look back as he followed Jakotsu out of the bedroom.

----------------------------------------  


* * *

Hour after hour passed by, slow and torturous; one minute for every drop of blood Suzaku had lost. Yet time continued just like flowing blood; a wound just deep enough to be mortal. A brush so close with death that his scythe left a long, dark scar across that smooth pale chest.

But finally, miraculously, the injured redhead woke.

* * *

'Where am I?'

Green eyes blinked the world into clarity. The moment Suzaku attempted to sit up, his head pounded and the dizziness overwhelmed, so he abandoned the attempt. He felt weak and terribly sick. The voices were still whispering in his head, but they didn't make any sense.

'My stomach hurts…'  
He reached down and made to touch the wound on his stomach, but was unable to do that either. His right hand was bound to the bedpost…

A gleaming, thick pair of handcuffs met his confused gaze. 'Sean's?'

"Hiten?"  
Terrifying memorizes from the previous night flooded through his mind as he spoke that name…

He remembered screaming on the inside, begging his own hands to release the one he loved, but they would not listen. Disassociated. His body was not his own. The room swam and spun, until he could not see. Hiten's choking was drowned out by those shrieking, demanding voices. The world was darkness, terror and confusion; a swirling mass of blurry colors and shapes. All he wanted was for that choking to stop.

An earth-shattering crash.

Then suddenly he was on the ground, feeling more pain than he had ever experienced in his life. How had he fallen? It didn't matter. He felt strong arms pulling him away from the glass that had once been the coffee table. There was blood. So much blood, and for an eternity it was all he could think of. Dizzy exhaustion; the strength drained in a steady red trickle… But the room was silent. The choking had stopped and then those warm arms held him gently. It meant Hiten was alive. Nothing else mattered.

Suzaku shook himself out of his memories, rolling so that he could survey the room. It was Hiten's. Perfectly clean and organized, as usual, but very dark. The clock read 7pm or possibly 9, and it was dark behind the curtains... He had slept all day, maybe even for two days… As he completed the roll, tugging hopelessly on his bound hand, something new caught Suzaku's eye. A little white box had been perched on the bedside table, along with a bottle of water, so he reached up immediately to retrieve them. The box had a sticky note on the top. "Eat this when you wake up" he read aloud, ripping off the tag. 'A gift?' Inside was a little square of gourmet strawberry cake. He recognized the brand, now that he thought about it. Hiten had bought him similar treats from that shop on many occasions. He finished off the little treat in a few bites, glad to have something in his empty stomach. For some reason that bottle of water proved to be the best thing he'd ever tasted. 'Dehydration.' He knew that was the cause, but more than anything he just felt terribly ashamed…

Suzaku pressed his free left hand miserably to his growling stomach, noticing that a thick white bandage had been wrapped around him, and many others had been fastened in various other places, concealing cuts that he couldn't remember getting. Aside from these bandages, however, he was completely naked. 'How humiliating.' He could just imagine his poor, sweet Ja-Chan carefully placing each bandage with his gentle hands and heart of pure gold…

Suzaku carefully made to sit up. Slowly. God, it hurt. The pain made it difficult to even see straight… 'Now if I could just get off the bed…' He searched around for the little silver key that must have matched the handcuffs, but it was nowhere in sight. Great. He'd have to ask someone else to release him. "Hiten…"  
The redhead growled, tugging fruitlessly at his restraints. His wrist was starting to hurt. "Ja-Chan…" He wanted to cry out, but was too terrified to do so. They were the two men he trusted most in the world. But surely they would never trust him again…

Had Hiten already told Jakotsu about what he had done? But of course Jakotsu would realize what had happened anyway. Now he fully understood why Jakotsu had told him not to talk to Hiten. Foolishly he had refused, and this is where it had lead. Suzaku didn't even want to imagine the shock on his best friend's face, let alone the betrayed sadness on Hiten's…

Suddenly Suzaku wished he really had died. He couldn't face them now that they knew what he really was.

_**"Psycho..."**_ The voices teased, incessantly.  
_**"Locked up, just like last time.**_  
_**No straightjackets? Stupid, stupid Hiten shouldn't have bothered.**_  
_**You'll only do it again. You'll kill him next time.**_  
_**Next time he won't be so lucky…"**_

"No…" He moaned, slumping weakly back down on the bed. "I won't... I think."  
Now the presence of the handcuffs made perfect sense. Hiten had not felt safe enough to leave Suzaku alone and unbound… "He doesn't trust me anymore?" Suzaku whimpered, clawing hopelessly at his tight bandages. If only he could get them off. If only he could leave this room and crawl into the bathtub. The hot water would finish the job. Surely he would bleed to death… Then he wouldn't have to face Hiten.

'It's all over anyway…' History was repeating itself again. He lie back, miserably and thought of his parents and all of the money they had left him. It was more than enough to last him a lifetime. But not even Mama had said goodbye. She had just sent the money and run; terrified by the last time he'd had a psychotic break. He couldn't remember exactly what he'd done. Just that there was a lot of blood. Poor Kujaku… Blurry, spinning memories. That time he had woken to find himself tied down in some kind of hospital. He could feel the sting on his arms, no doubt from needles. It was actually a lot like the situation he was in right now. Except there were no white, padded walls or doctors. Just Hiten's warm, spotless room and a pair of solid metal handcuffs.

"I'm sorry Hiten…"  
Suzaku pressed his face into the feather pillow, breathing in the scent of the one he loved.  
He tried to fall back to sleep, wondering vaguely if he could just will himself to never wake again. Maybe if he just pretended to still be unconscious he wouldn't have to ever speak to them… But just as he thought this, a little click issued behind him. He froze, facedown on the pillow with his eyes screwed shut. The door slid open and soft footsteps padded across the carpet, stopping right beside the bed. "Su-Chan?"

Suzaku remained frozen as the voice registered. It was Hiten's. He didn't sound angry or disgusted but so very miserable. Suzaku felt terribly guilty, knowing he was the cause for this level of sadness which he'd never known could show in that usually cocky, confident voice. 'Why though?' Why would anyone worry about the very man who'd tried to kill them?

"Su-Chan," Hiten whispered, "I know you're awake..." The bed creaked a little, and Suzaku guessed that his love was sitting right beside him, leaning over him. "But I guess I understand if you don't want to talk to me…"

'But I do…'  
Suzaku sniffed miserably, a little sob escaping him as he felt a warm hand begin to stroke his long, messy hair. "I crushed up one of your pills and put it in that cake." Hiten whispered, "I hope you'll forgive me for tricking you." A hint of anger rose in Suzaku at hearing this, but it was quickly smothered by the overwhelming amounts of humiliation. Why was Hiten apologizing? He should be angry, but instead he sounded so somber and calm…

Suzaku turned a little, against his better judgment, leaning closer as Hiten lie down beside him.  
Calm, hot breath was steady against his back and those warm hands held him gingerly, tracing soothing caresses all along his cold, bare skin. "Oh, Suzaku..." Vaguely he noticed the way Hiten's fingers paused right above his heart as he pulled him closer. "I thought I'd lost you."

Now the fear in his voice was almost as intense as the sadness, but Suzaku still had to try very hard to not reply with the cruel retort of 'I wish.'

"I'm fine." he whispered instead, noting the warm, relieved sigh that escaped his precious lover.

They lay there in silence, for a moment that seemed like an eternity. It seemed that Hiten just could not hold him close enough. He kept nuzzling closer and at some point reached over and carefully entwined his fingers with those of Suzaku's unbound left hand. Oh, Hiten held him so tenderly; affectionate and warm. Was it foolish to assume that he did not want to leave after all?

"Hey…" Hiten chanced breaking the silence, though he wasn't sure what he wanted to say.

"What?"

"It's just… we should, like, talk about what happened right?" Suzaku said nothing, but squeezed those fingers hard, leaning back to press himself more fully against the warmth of his companion and Hiten took this as encouragement. "I guess I should be all freaked out and say we have to break up if you're gonna like… try to kill me and shit." He held Suzaku close, however, even though he knew it was not smart to be laying here beside his would-be murderer. What if Suzaku tried to do that again? What if next time he chose a more affective method, like a gun or a knife? In the back of his mind, Hiten had always known something like this could happen, since Suzaku's psychiatrist had expressly forbidden them to keep anything sharp or dangerous in the house. But now that it came right down to it, after he'd stared death in the face and been forced to seriously contemplate Suzaku's mortality as well, Hiten found himself conflicted.

Life without Suzaku was starting to look even worse than a bloody, painful death…

Is that what love was supposed to be about? The irrational, suicidal antics of Romeo and Juliet? Was the tale of the bamboo cutter on point? 'What good this potion of life, If I will never see my love again…' Even immortality had no purpose if you had to spend it alone.

Hiten sighed, unsure of what he should even say to Suzaku. The redhead was obviously already remorseful, but it just didn't make sense. Why had he done something like that? Wasn't Suzaku supposed to be in love with Hiten? How could you attempt to kill someone you loved?

"Were you like… angry?" Hiten guessed, "Pissed at me, or what? Because none of this makes any sense to me. I mean if you don't like me anymore you could have just said so…"

Suddenly Suzaku shook his head. "No. I didn't mean any of it." He didn't turn to face Hiten, but steadied his voice, despite the tears, to say what he needed to. "It's just that it's not always me controlling my body. They can too. But they're different from me. They want things that I don't. So sometimes they do things I wouldn't."

"Your voices you mean."

Suzaku startled, obviously surprised that Hiten knew what he was talking about. "Yes…"

Hiten thought this over for a moment. It didn't make much sense, but Suzaku seemed sincere.  
It was difficult to grasp a concept like that, but maybe he'd been correct in thinking there was more than one Suzaku living in the same body.

"So you're saying that 'they' want me dead, but you don't."

"Kind of..."

"So…" Hiten tried to make sure he would not come off sounding sarcastic, but it was very difficult. "you do want me dead."

"Not really."

"But sort of?"

"Yeah, I guess..."

"Well why?"

Now Suzaku was silent again. Either he could not answer or he simply didn't want to, so Hiten voiced a different question. "Okay, tell me this then; would you try to kill me again?"

"Depends, I guess."

"On what?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know…" Hiten sighed. 'Well what the hell?' Talking was getting him absolutely nowhere! "What the hell do want from me, Suzaku?"

Catching that frustrated tone, the redhead turned around, even despite the handcuffs biting into his wrist. "I'm sorry." he whispered, "I really am."

"Suzaku…" Hiten found himself nearly growling, "this is not a simple 'sorry' situation. You really tried to kill me! 'Sorry' is totally useless cuz 'sorry' cant bring people back to life!"

"But I didn't mean to-"

"But you still did it!"

"Because of them"

"No, this is your fault Suzaku. You skipped the meds and you kept the secrets and you did not even try to warn me!"

"I didn't know-"

"Bullshit. You hear them. Who else could possibly know better than you?!"

"B-" Suzaku faltered. His little pink lips were quivering. He was obviously too terrified to continue, but Hiten got the distinct feeling he was getting closer to the answer he wanted.

"Tell me why you want me dead, Su-Chan."

"I don't."

"Yes you do."

"…"

"Fine." Hiten scoffed. This was impossible. Just too frustrating. He untangled himself from Suzaku, releasing those affectionately entwined fingers, intending to just leave before he lost his temper, but the action of pulling away immediately evoked a reaction.

"Wait, wait Hiten!"

'What the?" How had Suzaku even moved fast enough to catch hold of him? Hiten turned back, meeting those Those wide, pleading green eyes. "Please don't go. Please, please…"  
'I know I should though.' Hiten tried to will himself into walking away, but could not. It was impossible to refuse those eyes, especially since he'd waited breathlessly for the to reopen. He had only just recently felt the same lonesome desperation that emerald reflected. What he wouldn't have done to ensure his Suzaku wouldn't die and leave him forever…

And then it hit him. Hiten took a step back toward Suzaku, noticing the immediately calmed demeanor of his formerly distressed lover "Figured it out," He whispered, "You did it cuz I left. You're scared that I'll break up with you and leave for good."

Suzaku bit his lip. He seemed conflicted, wanting to turn away in his shame, but too afraid to take his eyes off of Hiten. "Is that it, Suzaku?"

Hiten rejoined his love on the bed, clasping hands with Suzaku, who clung tightly but still seemed unwilling to admit. "Suzaku that's the problem right?

Suzaku still would not speak, but already things were coming together in Hiten's mind. The silence said it all and finally everything made more sense. This was it; the reason behind his irrational behavior. Suzaku had attempted to sleep with Jakotsu, despite the fact that he'd only just slept with Hiten. Why? To incur jealousy and reawaken Hiten's aggressive, possessive nature. Even when Hiten had abused him, Suzaku only clung tighter. _'Please don't leave me,'_ he'd begged, even after being raped, and last night when he realized he might die before Hiten, he was actually relieved! 'Yo gatta.' It all made sense…

"Making sure we're together... That's all you care about, isn't it Suzaku? Cuz if I'm dead I can't dump you, right?" Hiten pulled the redhead closer, frowning as Suzaku shivered against him. "If I'm dead I'll never leave, huh?"

"I didn't mean to…" Was Suzaku's only whispered reply. Tears were beginning to roll thickly down his beautiful, pale face. "I promise…"

"It's alright," Hiten assured, "Just tell me the truth okay?"

Suzaku shook his head fretfully and tried to pull away, but Hiten wouldn't allow it. This was starting to feel too familiar. Suzaku was putting up barriers again, refusing to admit what he truly felt, but Hiten was just as determined as this redhead was stubborn. He had to push harder, or else they would never learn to understand each other. "Suzaku, stop lying to me," he insisted, trying to get those miserable green eyes to meet his own, "Come on. I told you already, I'll still love you. So tell me the truth. Tell me why you do the things you do."

"I can't!" The words finally spilled out, before he could stop them. Suzaku turned swiftly and made to push Hiten away, but the stubborn stronger man would not release him. "Yes you can." He asserted, crawling up to sit atop his sobbing companion. "You can, and you have to."

"No!"

"Why?"

Suzaku struggled fruitlessly for a moment, shoving Hiten away with his one free hand. "Because you won't understand anyway! You'll just say I'm crazy! And then you'll leave just like everyone else did!" Suddenly the anxiety had returned in full force. He wanted so badly to be held, but was just too ashamed of himself; terrified that honesty would scare his lover away.  
He tried to push Hiten off, but froze as he spoke again; putting his heart's greatest terror into words. "I really will leave, you know."

"Don't say th-"

"I swear," Hiten hissed, glaring down as those miserable, watery eyes met his own. "That's what you're so scared of, isn't it? You don't want me to leave. You think that I will walk out of your life one day and just disappear. That's what makes you act like this isn't it? That's what makes you crazy."

"Yes!" Suzaku moaned, finally admitting. "There I said it! I'm being honest now, okay?!"  
He tugged insistently, and Hiten leaned obediently forward to listen. "I told you so many times before. I say it every time you finally give in and sleep with me. I say it every morning when I wake up in your arms. I'm always, always, begging you not to leave." He was whispering now, and his fingers had curled tightly into Hiten's hair so he could not pull away. "I never knew why you liked me in the first place, but I just can't stand it when you leave."

"You don't listen to me," Hiten winced as those fingers tugged painfully on his hair. "I told you already, I love you. How can you even think this shit?! I don't 'give in,' and sleep with you. I want the same things you do!"

"No you don't."

"Yes I do!"

"You're just saying that to make me feel bett-"

Suzaku fell silent as those pale lips smothered his own. Immediately he lost his train of thought and kissed back, fierce and desperate. But Hiten pulled away mercilessly, pleased that he had tricked Suzaku into releasing his hair. "Suzaku, seriously, the more you cling the more it just annoys the fuck out of me. I don't want to just up and disappear for no reason, okay? I want to be with you. Don't you see that? Don't you feel it at all?"

Suzaku whined loudly, squirming beneath him as he mumbled a completely nonsensical reply.

"Ugh!" Hiten groaned, "Don't you get it? You're delusional!"  
"I'm not…" Suzaku insisted, trying desperately to reclaim his lips. "Kiss me…"  
"I wont!"

"Please!" The tears seemed unending and Suzaku was struggling more than ever. He closed his eyes as if he were in great pain and buried his face into Hiten's chest, mumbling in his miserable insecurity. "Don't go to Japan. Why should you go if you love me?"

"I have to!"

"No you don't!"

"Yes I-"

"You're wasting your time arguing with him."  
Green eyes shot open and Suzaku tried to sit up, only now realizing that Hiten had left the door to the hallway open. Jakotsu was leaned against the doorframe, watching their exchange with interest.  
"Suikotsu-no-aniki told me all about it yesterday," the queen explained, "You can't just talk him out of the delusions. All you can do is wait for the meds to kick in." He cocked his head, flashing Suzaku a knowing grin. "Paranoid Schizophrenia, isn't it?"

"No!" He grit out, trying to free his hand from the cuffs that still bound him.  
"You said you wouldn't lie anymore," Hiten sighed, holding him down.  
"No I didn't! Anyway why did you have to go and get my Ja-Chan involved?"

"I'm not blind!" Jakotsu interrupted heatedly, "I was worried sick! With all of that blood and glass in the living room I thought Hiten had killed you!"

"Oh, why didn't you just kill me?" Suzaku moaned, covering his head with the pillow to hide his humiliation. He mumbled into it for a full minute before Hiten finally cut him off. "Just. Stop!"  
The redhead refused still, and so Hiten stood, leaving him alone on the bed. "You think I'm bluffing Suzaku but I really will leave…"

"Don't torture him." Jakotsu frowned, watching Hiten try to pry Suzaku's fingers off.  
But Hiten only shook the stubborn redhead off, then backed up before he could regain his grip.  
"Like a python," Hiten mused aloud, grinning as his lover shot him a look of loathing.

"You're enjoying this?" Jakotsu wondered, giving Hiten an incredulous look.

"So?" He had stood just near enough to the bed for Suzaku to reach him, but then stepped back again when Suzaku tried. Hiten dodged those persistent hands once more before turning to leave but paused as that pleading voice whispered his name.

"Hiten, please don't go…"

'Oh, wow…' Was it just him, or did Suzaku look more adorable now than he ever had? He should be disgusted right? Pissed that Suzaku was so dangerously irrational and… Hiten lost his train of thought. Those sweet, sad little whimpers were so sincere… Words weren't necessary, yet somehow the two men felt connected; each finally understood the other. This was one of those moments when time stood still, just for the two of them…

Even Jakotsu seemed to take notice.

"You may as well stay," the queen offered, amused by the way their eyes had met. "I'll just call out for dinner tonight. You feel like Chinese?"

"Yeah sure," Hiten mumbled, unable to take his eyes off Suzaku. 'Poor Su-Chan…'  
His lover was staring, unblinking at him with such a miserable expression. 'It must suck to have something like that. Paranoid whosawhatta…' He looked so sad. That wrist was turning purple where the handcuffs were biting into it, but Suzaku didn't even care. He only had eyes for the chocolate-brown ones before him. "I love you so…"

The redhead had just barely let that timid whisper escape his frowning lips, but Hiten responded with careful assurance. "I love you too."

Another beautiful moment of silence fell between them then; calming and resolute.

"Don't take those handcuffs off him," Jakotsu warned, preparing to leave the room.  
"There's not much difference between the sounds of being fucked and strangled. So if I hear anything strange I'll assume it's fucking."

"You're twisted," Hiten laughed, reaching out and allowing the redheaded python to fasten its vice grip onto him again. "As if I would fuck Suzaku when he's acting like this…"

"I wouldn't be surprised..." Jakotsu closed the door behind himself, leaving them alone.

'I'm the twisted one?' The queen thought incredulously as he headed to the kitchen. Hadn't Suzaku seriously tried to strangle Hiten last night? The cuts from that glass were still on Hiten's face and you could still see the purple bruises around his neck! And yet here Hiten was, teasing and provoking Suzaku. Like a wounded rat shaking its ass at a pissed-off cobra…

Jakotsu carefully avoided the many bloodstains on the carpet as he entered the living room. He and Hiten had spent hours trying to scrub them out, but it had proved impossible and there was no way they could call a professional to do it because they'd probably wind up getting arrested.

"They're both crazy." He decided, thumbing through the phone book as he tried to find a decent-sounding Chinese restaurant. But all things considered, the cross-dresser was glad to see his friends both alive and well. Maybe soon Suzaku would be reasonable again. His meds would kick in and everything would be fine. But in the meantime…

"I really hope he doesn't let Suzaku out of those cuffs…"

* * *

"Take these handcuffs off…"

Hiten shook his head, trailing kisses all along his lover's bare chest.  
"Please," the redhead persisted, arching his back instinctively as those lips traveled lower.  
"Stop torturing me…"

"You deserve it," Hiten hissed, "you kissed Jakotsu just to make me jealous, didn't you?"

"No-"

"Liar. You're nothing but a psychotic, beautiful liar…"  
He flicked his tongue out like a snake, teasing his lover's smooth pink head.  
"I bet you still want to kill me, even now..."

Suzaku's only free hand found its way back into his hair and tugged at it, trying to encourage him to continue. "Put it in your mouth."

"No."

"Please…"

Hiten pressed a kiss to that throbbing, heated flesh, whispering against it. "If you kill me, I can never make love to you again. Don't you realize that?"

"Yes…"

"Then why would you try?"

"Because it doesn't matter! Nothing else matters. I just want to be with you…"

"That makes absolutely no sense." Hiten sighed, crawling up to look Suzaku in the eye.  
"You really are psychotic. Schizophrenic ne?"

"I'm not." The redhead huffed, "My illness is not what I am, it is just what I have."

"I see," Hiten chuckled at his indignant pout. "Then what are you?"

"Yours."

It was a simple, ridiculous little retort. But somehow Hiten knew it would be the only honest answer he'd be able to wrestle out of the stubborn redhead.

"Hmm…I guess I can live with that."

* * *

"Nice pants." Jakotsu mumbled, stuffing another forkful of lo mien into his mouth as Hiten took his place on the other side of the table.

"Shut up." Hiten's hands instinctively tugged the bottom of his long black shirt, trying to ensure that his effeminate companion could not see his briefs. "Suzaku wouldn't let me leave until I took them off. He thinks I'm going to drive off and never come back."

The queen snorted into his food, not even bothering to hide his smirk. "I told you, it's impossible to talk him out of it. Just like how you can't convince him to stop unplugging the telephone. What are you going to do now, just never wear pants so he'll stop assuming you're going to run off on him?"

"I dunno," Hiten replied, digging through the rest of the takeout his temporary roommate had ordered. "I guess I could just marry him."

"Will wonders never cease…" Jakotsu smiled dreamily up at him, but Hiten looked away, his cheeks burning with embarrassment. "Well why shouldn't I marry him?"

"Oh, I don't know…. Cuz he tried to kill you?!"

"So?" Hiten mumbled, in the middle of tasting the chicken. "I think I like Su-Chan even better now. He's almost as crazy as me…"

"Oh, so you're both homicidal maniacs?" Jakotsu joked, but Hiten immediately reprimanded him. "Don't call him that!"

The queen raised an eyebrow at him. "Huh… But I can call you that?"

"Um… Sure. I don't give a fuck," Hiten shrugged, busying himself with investigating the four other styrofoam boxes. "I wonder if Su-Chan will eat any of this shit…"

"Sorry," Jakotsu teased, "they were all out of strawberry flavored tofu."

"I thought the Chinese liked bamboo, not tofu."

"Whatever!" Jakotsu scoffed, "Japanese is better anyway…"

"Speaking of Japan…" Hiten finally settled on the Mandarin Chicken, tasting a forkful of it. "You think it'd be safe to bring him to Japan with us?"

"Well, we can't just leave him here…"

"If we get him to take one of those pills before we leave it should be okay… Then when we're in Japan, that psychiatrist friend of yours can handle him right?"

Jakotsu nodded, looking impressed, "Hey, that might actually work! And Su-Chan can stay with me at my new house!"

"Alright then, I'll try to get you tickets on the same flight with me tomorrow. I hope you don't mind babysitting while I'm at my meetings. Three days, and then we'll be out of your hair."

"Nonsense!" The queen laughed, "Stay as long as you like! Hey, maybe you could even patch things up with Ban-Chan, ne?"

"Um…"

"What?"

"On second thought maybe I'll just head on back there and let Su-Chan strangle me after all…"

"Don't be such a baby," Jakotsu sighed, passing him a fortune cookie, "Here, now go and feed your future wife."

Hiten stalked off, calling sarcastically behind himself. "Yes your majesty!"

* * *

"I counted to four hundred and sixty seven." Suzaku informed, accepting the bottle of water Hiten had offered.

"Oh, that's how many seconds I was gone," his love didn't even sound surprised. It was so strange to see Hiten so completely, utterly calm. Was he only pretending not to be annoyed?

Suzaku watched him crawl up onto the bed and settle into a close-range, comfortable seating position. "Hungry?" Hiten prompted, opening the Styrofoam box for him. "Yes…"

Suzaku put his water down and reached out but Hiten wouldn't let him take the fork.  
"No sharp objects," he reminded. Suzaku felt a little tinge of annoyance, but this was almost immediately replaced with amusement. It seemed that Hiten was happy to take the initiative and feed him by hand. He held out a forkful of the hot, sweet-smelling chicken and Suzaku accepted it, as well as the kiss his Hiten followed it up with.

"Cute…" he heard those cocky, smiling lips whisper.

Suzaku absolutely hated how sedated this was making him feel. The soothing comfort of a hot meal combined with Hiten's affection made for a uniquely heavenly experience. The pain in his stomach seemed to melt away. The sting of physical wounds was nothing compared to the pulsing, radiating warmth of those calming chocolate eyes…

"I love you." Hiten had said that automatically. It was all he could feel for Suzaku; love.  
Like a carefree little robin that feeling fluttered about in his chest. It seemed that nothing could ever kill it. Not suffocation or betrayal or Schizophrenia, or anything else. It was permanent, just like the diamonds etched into his forehead. And as those sweet pink lips closed on that fork again and again he wished that simply loving him could be enough. 'Words aren't good enough either.' So how to lessen Suzaku's fears of abandonment?…

And then it hit him.

"Tomorrow I have to go to Japan…" Hiten began.

Suzaku froze, refusing to take the next bite as he rolled those stubborn green eyes, but Hiten persisted. "I have to, alright? It's not a choice. It's a responsibility."

"Whatever." The redhead turned away, probably trying to hide his anger. Admittedly though, Hiten could scarcely blame him. He had seriously thought of canceling the trip, even though he knew his career was hanging in the balance. Suzaku meant more to him than any stupid job…

"But remember how I said I got you a present? Maybe it'll remind you I love you while I'm in Japan…"

"Huh." Suzaku wasn't even remotely interested.

Crawling down from the bed, Hiten made to clean up the dinner his lover was now refusing. He put it aside and finally decided to take off his shirts. "I know you hate gifts, but…"

Suzaku stared at the ground, avoiding those sad chocolate eyes to kill the guilt. Hiten's silk tie was first to fall, followed by the black button-up and finally only the white undershirt remained. Hiten turned his back to Suzaku then, and the redhead got the sudden impression that he was watching an archangel undress. 'He wants to show me his wings?' Sure enough that white shirt was pulled upward, revealing a tattoo covered with sleek red feathers. But it was more than just an image of wings. Roaring orange and red flames licked at the talons of a powerful, regal phoenix as it rose; reborn, ready to take flight. It was simply breathtaking. "Beautiful…"

"Nah," Hiten joked, "It's you, Suzaku."

"Me?" Impossible. That was the only thought that had time to run through his shocked mind.  
"Can't be…" He reached out and touched the tattoo with trembling, disbelieving fingers. 'Another hallucination?' But he was met with solid, warm confirmation. This was real. Hiten really did have a phoenix covering almost the entirety of his back. The wingspread was so wide that the tips actually curled over the sides, etched onto his ribs.

Hiten turned, amused by the shock in those wide green eyes. "Remember how I didn't want to get dressed in front of you?"

"Since then?!" This was making Suzaku feel dizzy. His heart was beating so hard…  
'Forever.' That word meant nothing. Absolutely nothing. He wanted to stubbornly cling to that belief, but now it was impossible to deny. Hiten had written his love permanently across his back…

"I'm so sorry…"

"Be happy!" Hiten immediately snapped, but Suzaku only laughed wryly in response. Thick tears began to roll down those smooth cheeks, dripping from those quivering pink lips. Suzaku tugged so his Hiten would return to the bed with him and then let himself be held close, unable to stop crying. "But I am sorry," he whispered, "cuz now you're stuck with me for good."

Hiten sighed, holding him close. "I sure hope so."


	31. The Comfort of Sleep

disclaimer

I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, Suzaku, Hiten or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.

I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.

I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.

- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

* * *

(AN: Laughter heals. So does fan service. Warnings? A little bit of 'unconventional' rough and tumble play.  
Please enjoy.)

* * *

**Not For All the World  
**

**Chapter Thirty-One:** **The Rain, the Rams, and the Comfort of Sleep.**

* * *

"Hey Ja-Chan..." Jakotsu looked up from packing his bags. Hiten had probably been standing in the doorway for a while, but he'd been too busy to notice. "What?"

"Um… Su-Chan won't go to sleep."

"So?"

"So…." Hiten sighed, trying very hard not to glare down at the clueless cross dresser. It had been well over fifty hours since Hiten had even slept for worrying over his unconscious lover. But now Suzaku was wide awake, and relieved as Hiten felt, he was not foolish enough to chance sleeping in the same room with his psychotic companion. "do you want to sleep with Su-Chan?"

Jakotsu laughed, finally understanding. "Who was it that said karma's a bitch?" The cross dresser teased, but he gestured and Hiten thankfully took a seat beside him on the bed. Today would mark the second day it was just the two of them. Most of the time had been spent discussing Suzaku and browsing websites related to Schizophrenia on Hiten's laptop. It seemed that Suzaku had shown many of his symptoms to Jakotsu, so with his help it was easy to narrow down the possibilities and solve the mystery. It was such a relief for Hiten to not be alone in this mess. Jakotsu may not have been the brightest crayon in the box, but he was so friendly and so eager to help. He'd even specifically requested that Hiten start calling him 'Ja-Chan.' It seemed that he really did want to try to set aside their differences and attempt to form a friendship…

"Make yourself cozy," Jakotsu offered, but Hiten only scoffed in his embarrassment.

He wasn't used to being so relaxed in the presence of this formerly obnoxious cross dresser. Tonight, even though Hiten was exhausted and Jakotsu cheerfully donned one of those silk babydolls he hated, a comfortable atmosphere filled the room.

Jakotsu had resumed his packing and Hiten watched, wondering over each little token the queen chose to take back home with him. He recognized the little black photo album, and chuckled when Jakotsu spilled a whole box of those deadly butterfly hairpins. The queen held up an Xbox controller, looking it over as his painted red nails traced the buttons. "I don't like Xbox," he mumbled, tossing it aside. "Me either." Hiten wondered why he'd put his two cents in, but Jakotsu seemed thankful to lose the awkward silence. "Alex left his Xbox360 and all his games. But when I asked him to come get them he said 'I don't need that shit. I got Sean now.'"

"Fag," Hiten chuckled, but Jakotsu gave him a look. "Hiten, do you want the Xbox?"

"No."

"Why not?"

Hiten didn't answer, but Jakotsu noticed the slight pink tinge on his cheeks and sighed. "Because you have Su-Chan to play with. Hypocrite…" The stubborn, black headed man said nothing in reply. But he did lie down with his face buried in one of those bright pink pillows, looking perfectly pleased with the prospect of sleeping on Suzaku's bed. 'These guys are so hopeless. So damn stubborn.' But at times like this Jakotsu could tell, without a doubt, that Hiten really did love Suzaku. Somehow the thought of that made Hiten's company so much more enjoyable and of course the fact that he was so handsome didn't hurt either… Looking at him from behind like this, it would be almost impossible to distinguish Hiten from Jakotsu's own lover; Bankotsu. 'Speaking of Bankotsu…'  
"Hey Hiten…"

"Hmm?" Hiten turned to regard him, and Jakotsu had to try very hard not to stare at the tattoo on his forehead. "Did you really mean it when you said you don't want to see Bankotsu?"

"Yeah." It was an automatic response, as if Hiten hadn't even bothered to consider it.  
He didn't seem too perturbed by Jakotsu's questioning, and immediately scooted over to make room when the curious queen made to lay down beside him. "But I thought you cared about him."

Hiten settled himself beneath the blankets, contemplating as he stared off at anything but Jakotsu. "That's a weird thing for you to say…"  
"So what?" the queen countered, "this night cant possibly get any more weird: Su-Chan is handcuffed in another room while I'm getting all cozy with his boyfriend."

"Point taken," Hiten sighed, "but I'm only here because I don't want to wake up dead tomorrow. If I talk to you about Bankotsu that'll just defeat the point."

"Why?"

"Cuz then you might kill me."

"Ah, point taken back..." Jakotsu nudged him, suddenly sounding mischievous. "Hey Hiten," he whispered, "Who was on top, you or Bankotsu?"

"Both."

"What? How does that work?"

"Think about it."  
Hiten tried not to snicker, but failed miserably and Jakotsu nudged him painfully in the ribs. "You're just fucking with my mind!" the queen scoffed, rolling his eyes as Hiten enjoyed a laugh at his expense. "S-Sorry!" he managed to say between the snorts.

"You're an ass…" Jakotsu put his hands on Hiten's stomach, intending to shove him away, but the gentle contact suddenly caused him to laugh harder. "Quit!" he insisted, blushing furiously as he swatted those hands away. "Oh, you're ticklish!" the queen bore down on him immediately, deciding to take full advantage of this newly discovered weakness.

"Stop, stop!" Hiten could barely talk for laughing, but Jakotsu persisted, amused by the way his eyes watered and his cheeks burned that cute red shade. Finally Hiten managed to roll over and pin his playful queen's wrists above his head. So this was why Suzaku was always wrestling with his 'smurf.' Hiten would sooner die than admit it, but Jakotsu was… just plain entertaining.  
His onyx eyes danced, glinting with the same mischievous tinge that his voice held. "You're fun," those painted red lips echoed his own feelings, and Hiten mirrored that cocky grin with his own,  
"We should have been friends all along."

"Yeah," he sighed, laying back down, "what a waste." Jakotsu giggled at the hot breath on his ear. He was probably strong enough to shove Hiten off, but he didn't want to.  
"We would have been friends…"

"- if you hadn't fucked my boyfriend."

"Ditto."

Hiten snickered again and closed his eyes as Jakotsu joined in. Maybe they were both just losing it due to the exhaustion, or maybe they really had reached some strange kind of truce. "Goodnight your majesty..." Hiten yawned. He suddenly felt much more comfortable against the warmth of his soft, honeysuckle-scented companion. At that moment… It was so much easier to fall asleep.

* * *

------------------------

Thump!

Hiten startled awake. He had forgotten where he was, but the warmth of the man in his arms jogged his memory in a hot second. Jakotsu was snuggled up against his chest, comfortably resting in his former enemy's embrace. Carefully Hiten made to disentangle himself from the silken body of his cross-dressing companion, hoping that this movement would not wake him. Jakotsu stirred a little bit. His glossy greenish hair had fallen out of it's usual style as he slept, and Hiten almost gasped when he beheld his lovely face without any makeup. Those lips weren't red after all, but strawberry pink just like Suzaku's; plump and luscious. 'What the hell?' Why was Hiten's heart suddenly beating so fast? He thought for sure the thumping in his chest would only grow louder and wake his beautiful bedmate, but perhaps Jakotsu was a heavy sleeper. Lucky for him, or he might have noticed the steadily quickening heartbeat and the heated, humiliated temperature of the man who'd accidentally held him too tenderly.

Thump, Thump!

'That noise again.' That dull beat almost sounded like his own racing heart. Wondering over the noise that had woken him, Hiten carefully sat up, peering around in the darkness. The room was just barely lit. Dreary streaks of sunlight shown through the thick velvet curtains. The pattering of raindrops echoed from the windows and Hiten realized that it was turning out to be a stormy morning. Pushing the blankets off of himself, he stood on all fours and made to climb over Jakotsu, sincerely hoping those satin eyelashes would not blink open. For the briefest moment he straddled those porcelain hips; lithe and silent, like a cat. He felt sure the tension alone would be the death of him, but by some miracle he touched safely down on the soft carpeting; unscathed. Carefully he stood and made to leave the room, beating a hasty retreat into the hallway.

He had to stand outside the room for many moments, clutching his chest. Aside from the beating within him, the house seemed completely silent.  
'But I know I heard something...' Hiten pulled himself together, shaking off his embarrassed reminiscence of the snoozing cross dresser and made his way over to his own bedroom. 'Maybe Suzaku is awake.' He let himself in and closed the door behind him, making sure not to lock it. "Su-Chan?" This room was much darker than Jakotsu's, so he had to feel his way over to the bedside lamp. Once it clicked on, the comfortable light glowed merrily against the pitch blackness and immediately Hiten located the source of the incessant noise that had woken him. Suzaku was sitting up on the bed, facing the post that bound him. When he struggled against it, the bedpost hit the wall and produced a loud thumping sound. "Quit that Suchan," Hiten chided, crawling up onto the bed with him. Suzaku didn't say anything. He merely glared at that bedpost, trying fruitlessly to free himself. The shadows of tears ran down his cheeks and Hiten wondered if they had fallen out of pain or frustration.

"Let me go," Suzaku whispered. Was he speaking to the post or to Hiten? "Please, please…" The redhead leaned back and put his full weight on his bound wrist, but Hiten immediately moved to catch him and shove him back up against the wall. "Quit! You'll hurt yourself!"

"But Hiten it's scary here. There's something outside…" Suzaku lie back, whimpering and Hiten instinctively embraced him. "It's okay. It's just the sound of rain," he whispered, holding that shivering, fragile body in his arms. "Is your wrist okay?" Suzaku nodded but Hiten only held him closer. His thin, pale wrist was purple where the handcuffs had bit into it, and the fingers on that hand were not moving. "Is it broken?" Hiten reached out and gently touched Suzaku's right hand. It felt hot and a little bit swollen. "Can you feel this?" Suzaku shook his head and so Hiten pressed harder on those limp fingers. "Feel that?"  
"No…"

"Fuck." He carefully stood to leave his infuriating redheaded angel, whispering a word of warning. "Don't move okay? I'll go get the key." Suzaku nodded, and in a matter of moments Hiten had retrieved the key from his briefcase and pressed it into the cuff. With a click it sprung open and he gingerly removed Suzaku's hand from its restraints. "Arigatou," he breathed, massaging his swollen wrist as Hiten fit the cuff onto his uninjured left hand. Suzaku whined, but stopped when his lover bound him not to the bed, but to his own right hand. "There."

Hiten tossed the key to the ground as he pulled Suzaku closer. "Now you won't be lonely."  
He couldn't help kissing those relieved, gently smiling lips. Suzaku may have been acting irrational and maybe there were delusions and hallucinations and whatever else in his mind. But he still tasted just as sweet. The delectable redhead leaned forward with that familiar insistent passion. He moaned into their kiss and whimpered with disappointment when Hiten broke it.

"Ne, Hiten…" His voice was shivering, just like his completely naked, defenseless body.  
"Do you-"

"What?"

"still want me?"

"Of course," Hiten sighed, pressing a kiss to that purplish wrist. Thankfully Suzaku's thin fingers had started moving again and curled slightly in response when he kissed each of them too.

"Then why were you sleeping with JaChan?"  
Hiten froze as those words registered; shocked. "How did you-"  
"I can smell him all over you…" Those sweet pink lips looked so sad now, but Hiten only kissed them again, marveling at how sharp and accurate Suzaku could be, even while showing his paranoid symptoms. "It doesn't mean anything," he assured, "I'd rather sleep with you."

"It's okay. I won't be mad if you want him instead now," Suzaku whispered, bowing his head, "I always knew JaChan was prettier than me anyway. He's sexy… and healthy."

"Don't be stupid," Hiten sighed, forcing those stubborn green eyes to meet his own. "I told you already, you're the one I want."

"Really?"

"Yes," he insisted, deciding to just give in to the urge to trail his kisses lower. He wanted to reassure those worried-looking eyes and give this delicate body a little taste of pleasure to replace the sting of both emotional and physical pain. "I love you Suzaku," he whispered, between kisses, "you are very special to me…"

"Even when I'm sick?"

"Yeah."

"but for how long?"

Hiten paused, in the middle of trailing kisses up one of those long, thin arms. "Until hell freezes over," he growled, playfully attaching his teeth to his lover's sweet-smelling neck.  
"Will that really happen?" the confused redhead whispered, and Hiten snorted into his next kiss.  
"No, Pet."

"Oh… Well what if it does?"

"It won't," Hiten sighed, "I was being sarcastic anyway."

"You were making fun of me?"

"My god…" Those green eyes were fixed, serious as a heart attack, and Hiten wondered for the millionth time how long it would take for Suzaku to become more reasonable. "So annoying…"

"You're annoying!" Suzaku huffed, and immediately his sweet eyes narrowed; glaring.

"Seriously Suzaku," Hiten countered, jumping on the chance to rile him up further. "I can't even stand you as far as I can throw you."

"Well good, cuz I can't stand you either!" The redhead immediately scoffed, "You can go fuck yourself Hiten!"

That was it. Suzaku tried to growl something else with those adorable, indignantly frowning lips, but Hiten forced a kiss before he could. Oh, he loved it when Suzaku got so riled up. Something about those glaring emerald eyes made them so much sexier. The way those stubborn hands pushed him away only made Hiten more painfully aroused. Their kiss grew instantly deeper; more forced than affectionate, much like their tumultuous relationship. Handcuffed together yet worlds apart. Annoyed yet enraptured. Venomous, delicious addiction…

Hiten shoved Suzaku back and pinned him firmly to the mattress, mumbling between wet, affectionate nips as he let both hands and kisses wander over that sweet, supple skin. He couldn't help but feel rushed. It seemed so long since they'd been together. Surely a bout of hot, delicious makeup sex was long since overdue… "Want me to fuck you?"

Suzaku nodded, obediently moving to allow Hiten a more comfortable fit between his legs.  
The 'I'm sorry's' and 'I love you's' could wait. The redhead was instantly seduced; encouraging each passionate kiss and heated, skillful caress. The handcuffs clinked together every so often, reminding just how close he finally was to the one he loved. It was just like Hiten to become so suddenly aroused by an argument, of all things…

'If you kill me, I can never make love to you again…'  
That thought was so terrible, but still Suzaku felt so powerless in his inability to hurt Hiten. If only he had something sharp… 'I need him so badly. He must never, ever leave.' Simple words of devotion just weren't good enough. Suddenly Hiten's gentle, affectionate words meant nothing. Why, when they had been so calming before? Maybe due to the dizziness and the voices? Yet somehow, miraculously, the affection in those heated caresses remained.

How had Hiten known that touch was exactly what Suzaku needed most right now? The pain in his heart beat so intensely, far outweighing the sting of the physical wounds. Could Hiten tell?  
'He loves you,' this caress whispered. It made him want to cry for the relief…

Suzaku closed his eyes and focused on those heated, innumerable kisses, but soon he wanted to speak again. A bit of guilt still remained. His fingers traced over Hiten's bare neck and his chest constricted painfully. "I broke my own heart…"

Hiten reached up to catch his hand and pin it back to the mattress. "We'll get it fixed in Japan."  
"We?" Suzaku echoed, forcing himself to speak instead of moan. Hiten's kisses had finally found their way between his legs. "Hiten, you mean I can come too?"

"Duh," Hiten chuckled, "I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't want you to cum."

'A play on words at a time like this…'  
Suzaku shook his head, marveling at his lover's unbreakable, invaluable spirit. Despite everything Hiten's desire had not waned for even a moment. Those passionate kisses grew only deeper, matching his affection, and Suzaku shuddered as his lover suddenly snaked that hot, wet tongue between the vanilla legs he loved so dearly. Hiten still treated this body like some kind of sinfully delicious dessert. Oh, how skilled those hands were, working along with his mouth to incite volumes of mesmerizing pleasure that Suzaku could scarcely fathom; deep, or perhaps endless. Was this how deep Hiten's love for him truly ran?

"Harder," He panted, amazed when Hiten obliged. The heat of his touch was simply incredible. Only Hiten could have such an astounding affect. He made Suzaku's otherwise miserable existence feel like heaven…

'Schizophrenic' that word echoed in Hiten's head. It was a term he had only just learned; the terrifying truth Suzaku had hidden so desperately from him. That diagnosis itself sounded scary, but this was still his Suzaku after all. Still the one he loved. Nothing else even mattered.  
"Of course I still want you…" he breathed, letting his body demonstrate, 'so, so much.'

Hiten moaned into his deep, sopping wet kiss, echoing Suzaku's own stiffening, overwhelming pleasure. That deep, guttural purring vibrated so sweetly between his legs. "Oh, my Hiten…" It was difficult to find his voice with the butterflies fluttering around, making his stomach feel almost painfully tight. "Kiss me," Suzaku demanded, beckoning those lips to come back up and meet his own. Hiten obeyed, amused by the way his lover's fingers grasped his neck then, forcing him to crawl closer and kiss him. Those smooth legs rose up on either side of his waist and the heat intensified between their tightly joined bodies. "Fuck me," his master commanded, and again those fingernails bit into his neck. Hiten smirked as he held his lover's stronger hand pinned with the handcuffs. "Erotic Asphyxiation?"

Suzaku shrugged, grinning mischievously as his grip tightened and Hiten reached over to the bedside drawer. Something as simple as retrieving a bottle of lubricant was suddenly very difficult with their hands bound together; amusing. Something as mechanical as drawing those hands back between their legs was suddenly new and erotic with the 'clink' of metal cuffs.  
Suzaku moaned his encouragement as that cold, thick fluid was rubbed right where he wanted it. Mind-numbing, delicious pain shook the entirety of his sensitive, shivering body with the initial thrust, but he could only moan louder.  
Hiten carelessly dropped that bottle as his fingers closed around the fully engorged rod between their tightly joined bodies and Suzaku was forced to help to stroke himself. The redhead had no choice but to move his hand exactly as Hiten did, thanks to the handcuffs, so Hiten took full advantage of this and watched Suzaku tease himself as he pumped steadily into that amazing body. The handcuffs clinked together with each movement and their fingers intertwined just like their wrestling, burning tongues. "Harder," Suzaku panted, spurned on by his lover's choked, shuddering breath and the wet grip of their restricted hands. Obedient, powerful hips crashed against his own, driving that delicious heat deeper so that it hit just the right spot again and again. Intense. Stifling. Perfect.

Hiten's dizzy mind barely registered the heated nectar sliding between their fingers as he pumped his own ecstasy into that shuddering, demanding body. Suzaku then released his neck; sated by the slippery heat inside of him, and Hiten immediately yanked their hands out of the way and collapsed on top of him. He rested against that soothing vanilla skin, breathing the scent of the one he still loved so completely. Finally they were truly together in both mind and body. Suzaku must have felt that with the stiff pain between his legs and the metal restraints Hiten had willingly locked onto their hands. "I love you." those sweet pink lips whispered, again and again. Those three words echoed the fierce beating of his own heart and Hiten closed his eyes, letting that precious voice lull him back to sleep. 'Guess I really don't care,' his exhausted mind confessed, 'if I wake up dead tomorrow." At least those gentle emerald eyes would be the last thing he'd ever see. At least… he'd be together with the only one he loved.

Hours later the patter of rain continued outside. The gentle rolling of thunder almost matched the light snores of the two men that slept on, oblivious to everything but each other.


	32. Airport Annoyances

disclaimer

I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, Suzaku, Hiten or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.

I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.

I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.

- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

* * *

(AN: Japan or bust! Finally our boys are headed home! Will they get there in one piece?

* * *

**Not For All the World  
**

**Chapter Thirty-Two: Early Airport Annoyance  
**

* * *

It was six in the morning. Naturally, Kagome was furious.

She promptly put her foot down with an indignant huff and proceeded to literally drag her stubborn boyfriend into the expansive white clinic. She cornered the first nurse that walked by, shoving Inuyasha forward so that his timid eyes were forced to meet with those business-trained sharp black ones.

The nurse didn't even bat an eyelash; the creepy woman.  
"Can I help you?" She asked, looking annoyed.

"Um… We need to find one of your doctors," Inuyasha sighed, whining as his girlfriend prodded him in the side. "Suikotsu, I think is his name. We need him, really fast, if its ok."

"Are you family?" She nosed, causing Kagome to bristle.

"I'm a former patient." She insisted, "And I need to see him now!"

Inuyasha merely watched them argue, thinking vaguely that they looked remarkably alike…  
This nurse seemed very pleased with her doppelganger's annoyance.

"Oh, are you feeling ill?" The nurse asked, slyly, "Suikotsu-sama is a psychiatrist. If you're looking for a doctor you'll need to go elsewhere."

"Look!" Kagome seethed, trying to read the woman's nametag quickly, "Kickyu or whatever!  
I need to see Suikotsu-Sama! I had to skip class today because my stupid boyfriend has been procrastinating instead of coming up here like I told him to weeks ago!"

"We're not ill," Inuyasha whispered, "trying to squirm away from his enraged girlfriend, "But one of us will be dead soon if I cant find Suikotsu…"

"Fine, I will give him a buzz," Kikyou sighed, feeling sorry for the handsome, silver-haired man. "What message shall I give him?"

"That's great!" Inuyasha piped, "Just tell him its for Jakotsu!"

"You're not Jakotsu…"  
He stared incredulously at this nurse, wondering how in the world she knew that freakish Kyoto-born cross dresser.

"So you know Jakotsu?" Kagome asked, as if she had read his mind.

Kikyou nodded, "He's my brother-in-law."

Both college students stared at her, their mouths falling open. "What?!"

"How could that guy be related to someone as pretty as you?!" Inuyasha wished he hadn't spoken. His girlfriend put a hand to the fake bracelet on her wrist, activating his shocker collar and causing him to fall painfully to the ground.

"Well anyway, Oneesan," Kagome smiled, ignoring the painful whimpering of the boy at her feet, "Please tell Suikotsu that Jakotsu's boyfriend would really like to know if either of you hear from him."

"He called today," Kikyou informed, "to tell us he would be coming back home to Japan. And if I'm not mistaken, he should be back in town by tomorrow at the latest."

Kagome's face lit up at these words. "Oh my gosh that's so soon!" She gasped, "I have to get the stuff for the party!

Kikyou and Inuyasha stared with incredulous wonder then, as Kagome simply ran off.  
"Well that was weird…"

* * *

Hiten felt almost as frazzled as the airport looked full. He had taken the liberty of carrying most of the baggage but kept having to turn back around to ensure that his 'girls' were safely following along behind him. Today he would have to play the role of the paranoid, since Suzaku was so riled up. There were people everywhere, loud noises abound, and the redhead looked very near his limit. Jakotsu wasn't much help either, since he'd spent most of the morning complaining loudly about waking up alone.

"You ditched me, Hiten!" the cross dresser had fumed, teasing him at the same time, "Our first night together and you just wander off without even trying to take advantage of me? Rude!"

That little outburst had caused a very strange vibe to rise up between the two best friends. Suzaku had frozen, in the middle of eating breakfast, taken one long look at Jakotsu, and then promptly announced that he too would be dressing in drag today.

So here Hiten found himself, with a sexually frustrated drama queen on one side, and an eerily silent, possibly homicidal boyfriend on the other. Like two adorable but deadly minxes, they sauntered along in their cute girl clothes and sexy high heels. 'How does this shit always happen to me?! What the fuck did I ever do??' He kept thinking back and wondering if he seriously should have stayed and offered to make amends or not. Was this cross dresser playing a cruel joke, or did he seriously take offense to sleeping with but not having sex with someone?

Hiten could not figure it out, nor could he determine whether or not Suzaku would even allow for such a thing. But Jakotsu was still breathing so far, so perhaps the sensitive redhead didn't mind. And anyway, why was Jakotsu wearing that skirt? Did he like the looks he was getting? Did he know that his porcelain legs stretched on for miles and then begged curiosity at the perfect junction hidden beneath those cute black frills? 'Damn it.' Now Hiten would have to try to find another reason to hate Jakotsu, otherwise he'd just be tempted to keep ogling him. At the very least he could soon take comfort in the fact that Jakotsu would be back home in Japan while he left to return to America… For some reason that thought was a bit saddening, so Hiten quickly played it off by forcing some annoyance into his voice as he turned around to chide that stupid, tempting cross dresser.

"Ja-Chan, don't forget! Sit right next to Su-Chan and don't let him leave your side, understand? If he gets loose on this airplane and kills us all it will be your fault entirely, not mine!"

Jakotsu huffed, crossing his arms as he turned away from the lecturing Hiten. "Alright already, you said that like fifty times!"

"Why can't I sit with Hiten?" Suzaku whined, trying to pry his queen's fingers from around his wrist. Hiten turned to regard him then as they fell in line to get their baggage checked.  
"Because I have to sit with the other guys from work," he explained, "I'll be right behind the curtain, in first class. It's not far from where you will be, Su-Chan."

"But I want to be with you!" He stomped fretfully, but almost tripped on his heels. Jakotsu caught him easily, helping him to stand safely. "Don't you men know anything about cute shoes?" He scoffed, noticing the scuff marks Suzaku had left on the ground. "Put your weight on your toes, not your heels!"

"Oh, I see…"

The line moved forward and the three men hurried to place their baggage on the conveyor belt to be checked. "Please remove your shoes and all metal objects and put them in your bags!" The receptionist chimed, sounding much like a well-tuned robot. But they obeyed, Suzaku nearly tripping again as he bent over to take off his shoes.

"Why are you wearing a skirt?" Hiten wondered aloud, hurriedly standing behind him so that his boyfriend wouldn't flash any of the other passengers.

"Because I want to look pretty like Ja-Chan," Suzaku replied simply, standing back up as he tossed the heels into his bag. "Would you be mad at me…" Hiten wondered. Now was as good a time as any to finally get his redheaded lover's opinion, "if I really had fucked with Jakotsu?"

"Guess not," Suzaku shrugged, straightening back up as he tossed his gorgeous hair back behind himself. "but if you do, I think I'd like to be there too…"

"Why?"

"To watch. You know, like live porn. Might be fun."

Hiten was silent for a very long moment, not knowing whether to be amused or disgusted. And for some reason another important question occurred to him. "Okay, on a scale of one to ten, how bad do you want to strangle me today?"

"Hmm…" Suzaku stepped forward with the line as he thought that over. He had one of those shining red nails perched between his pearly white teeth. "Like, right around a four."

"Oh, that's much better."

"Yeah, I guess I do feel a lot better now. It was probably the sex."

Hiten snickered, absently leaning forward to press a kiss to that warm, sweet-scented neck. "You're ridiculous."

"You like it," the mischievous redhead teased.

"Maybe…" Hiten's fingers just barely brushed Suzaku's hips and his mind screamed in protest while his body nearly shivered with anticipation. 'What's with me?' he chided himself. Why was he suddenly so aroused? Why was it so painful to just keep his hands to himself? Oh, Suzaku looked so adorable today. But he'd look so much better bent over a table or shoved up against the wall…

"You've gotta be kidding me!" Jakotsu's furious outburst snapped Hiten back to reality, and none too soon, considering the frustrated warmth that had just tried to manifest itself between his legs.

Both he and Suzaku hurried forward, curious to see what had upset him. Jakotsu was fuming as the receptionist slipped a hand into his bag. "I'm sorry ma'am, but you just can't bring this much fluid onto the plane," She held up three bottles, looking perplexed. "What is-"

"It's not a freakin' bomb or whatever! It's scented lube!" The queen spat, causing the poor girl to startle and drop them back into the bag, but Jakotsu was not moved. "And they don't sell those flavors in Japan so I'm not leaving them here!"

Suzaku burst into laughter, clutching his side as the queen continued to argue with the poor airline worker. 'Ugh.' Hiten sighed, inwardly. These 'girls' were about to drive him crazy.

"You cannot take them on board."

"I will not leave them here!"

"Why me?" Hiten fake-sobbed, throwing his hands up, "does Kami-sama really hate me so?"

"Hey Raiyuki-sama!"

"Apparently he does…" Hiten turned around, plastering a fake smile onto his face as another man hurried up to meet him. Suzaku noted that they were both wearing similar black suits, but turned around to mind his own business when Hiten shot him a glare.  
"How are you, Mukotsu-san?"

"Fine fine!" The other man chuckled, "Better than you anyway! Since I won't be the one that has to make the big speech! You nervous?"

"Actually no," Hiten bragged, and Suzaku scoffed when he recognized that cocky, business-talk, deciding he'd rather not listen in on the rest of their boring conversation. He sidled up to Jakotsu, snatching one of the bottles of lubricant and storing it in his own bag. "There, now he's got less fluids. Can we go now?"

"That's still one too many," The receptionist sighed, holding her hands out in helpless apology, "I'm sorry but that's the policy…" Suzaku nodded, snatching another bottle and handing it off to one of the other passengers. "There let's go."

"But that one was the blueberry!" Jakotsu whined as his best friend shoved him through the electronic scanner. But unfortunately this caused the machine to beep loudly and Suzaku yelped, covering his sensitive ears.

"Sorry Miss, do you have any metal on you?" The airline employees questioned, approaching the redhead. "Don't touch me!" was his automatic response, and Hiten hurried over to intervene. "Wait, wait, calm down pet." Suzaku paused, but still looked like he wanted to run away like a frightened rabbit. He even flinched when Hiten caught him and led him back over to scanner. "It beeps because of the metal clips on your bandages."  
"Oh..." Suzaku nodded, suddenly remembering the metal clasps that held the bandages to his chest. He let Hiten lift up his shirt a bit and show it to the airline employee, who then allowed them to proceed.

Hiten thanked his lucky stars, praying that there would not be any more incidents as he turned to reclaim his own thoroughly checked briefcase. "You watch out for Su-Chan!" He growled, shoving Jakotsu forward.

"Oh my gosh!" the man named Mukotsu had caught up with them. He gasped, pointing dramatically at Suzaku's fleeting form. "Is that **the** Su-Chan?! The one from the text message everyone's been sending around?!"

"Everyone's… sending around?" Hiten repeated, feeling a little faint. "You mean to tell me the whole office saw it?!"

"More like the whole company!" Mukotsu laughed, trying to squeeze past and get a better look at the redheaded beauty in the high heels. "You're a lucky man, Raiyuki!" He raised an eyebrow at the look on his coworker's face, slapping him on the back. "Don't worry man! I'll make sure to keep it quiet. Everyone would freak if they knew **the** Su-Chan is here!"

"Um.. Thanks." Hiten hung his head, following after his 'girls.'  
"I have to go on ahead and check in with the rest of first class!" He called, waving to the two of them as he made to leave. "I'll see you soon, I promise!

"Hiten, wait!" His redheaded angel hurried forward, causing Mukotsu to blush as the Su-Chan came closer. "Take this." Suzaku handed over Kotori, smiling sadly as he did so.  
"Kotori is good luck…" Hiten smiled as he pocketed the little stuffed bird and leaned forward to whisper affection to his would-be wife. "Ja ne, my Su-Chan."

* * *

"You should have seen this girl! She was such a fox!"

Raiyuki Hiten tried to drown out his laughing, rowdy coworkers, wondering why in the hell airliners had to serve alcohol to first class. His group, which was supposed to have been the elite members of the company, turned out to be just as rowdy as the 'newbies' once they had a little alcohol in their system… 'Sheesh! They act like they've never been on a business trip!'

"Hey, Raiyuki ain't that right?"

"What?" He started, suddenly realizing that all of his coworkers were looking his way.  
"Is what right?" he inquired, feeling embarrassed for not having paid attention.

"Your wife!" Mukotsu bragged, "she's a redheaded fox!"  
"I thought we agreed not to talk about that…" He mumbled, feeling his cheeks heat up instantly at the mention of his 'wife'.

"Don't be so stingy!" Mukotsu laughed heartily and Hiten suddenly wished death upon his most friendly coworker. "You guys should've seen her. She had the nicest ass I've ever-"

"That's **my **wife!" Hiten seethed, unable to stop himself. The other men laughed along with Mukotsu, prodding nosily further. "Hey how long have you two been married?"  
"Why didn't you bring her to the company picnic?"  
"I bet she's half your age right?"  
"She's so tall. Those legs go on for miles, ne?"  
"Hey Raiyuki, do the carpets match the drapes?"  
"Is she gonna be at the hotel too?"  
"When do we get to meet her?"

Hiten slumped forward, banging his head and ignoring the grumpy complaints of the passenger in the seat in front of him. 'Why didn't I just let Su-Chan strangle me? Why?!'

"Excuse me?"  
Everyone looked up as one of the flight attendants approached the group. "I'm so sorry to bother you gentlemen," She began, "but would one of you happen to be named Hiten?"  
All eyes fell on Hiten again and he raised his hand, giving up all hopes of ever being left alone.  
"That's my first name…"

"Well, would you mind terribly if you had to sit in second class? You see, there's a young lady back there who is quite distressed. It seems she's afraid of flying. And when I asked her what I could do to help, all she said was 'I want to be with Hiten'."  
The flight attendant started, looking around herself as many of the other passengers began to laugh. "Your wife misses you!" many of them teased, but when Hiten slammed his briefcase shut and stood to leave, his audience fell suddenly silent. He stalked out of the compartment without another word, leaving his drink and his untouched meal behind.

"Wow," Mukotsu mumbled, moving quickly to steal the comfortable seat of his senior executive. "A businessman, through and through…"

"We're all going to die."

"No, its gonna be okay!" Jakotsu patted his best friend on the back, trying to calm him down.  
"Su-Chan stop already, you're scaring the children!" He whispered, forcibly prying his friend's fingers from the handrails.

Suzaku sobbed into his hands, trying not to look at the white clouds outside of the window.  
"Ja-Chan I want to go home… I don't want to die!"  
"We're not gonna die!" The queen insisted, shushing him again. "Now stop that! Hiten's gonna be pissed if you make a scene."

"Where's my Hiten?! I want to die with Hiten, not you!" The redhead suddenly announced, shoving Jakotsu's comforting hands away from himself. "This plane is going to crash into the ocean! Why the ocean? Why couldn't we have ridden the bus?! The ocean is cold!"

"Shut up with your nonsense Suzaku!"

The formerly distracted redhead snapped to attention, recognizing that voice immediately. "Hiten!" He squealed, trying to escape his seat belt. "Stay still!" his lover barked and Suzaku finally fell silent. The flight attendant helped Jakotsu out of his seat and let Hiten take his place instead.  
"Thanks, Jakotsu here can have my spot in first class, okay?"

The queen nodded, following after the attendant, "Do I get booze!?" He wondered aloud.

Hiten shoved his suitcase into the rack overhead and sat down warily, draping an arm behind his paranoid boyfriend's head. Suzaku snuggled up to him immediately, grinning like a pumpkin.  
"I knew you'd come rescue me…" He cooed, closing his eyes.

"Let me guess," Hiten sighed, pulling him comfortably closer, "You're not even afraid of flying, are you?" Suzaku giggled mischievously, nuzzling his face into his boyfriend's warm chest. "No…"

"I hate you." Hiten muttered, causing the redhead to chuckle. "I love you too."  
'But at least we get to be together.' Somehow Hiten already knew they'd just thought the exact same thing at the exact same time. He pulled his precious Suzaku closer and conceded with a surrendering nuzzle against that gorgeous red hair. He didn't know why, but it felt so nice to be able to hold this delicate body and relax. He couldn't remember feeling so at peace before… Maybe that was just another part of that sappy little thing they called love.

* * *

"You are just so cute…"  
"Sooo cute!"

Jakotsu giggled uncontrollably, a hand to his bright pink cheeks. "Oh stop it!" He tittered, batting his glittering eyelashes at the many businessmen around him. "Raiyuki-kun will be cross at you boys for flirting with his niece!"

"That's okay!" one of them laughed, pointing over to Mukotsu, "we'll just let Shorty over there take the rap!"

"How can you even joke like that?" the shortest of them asked, nearly knocking over his glass of wine as he leaned forward to tell his tale with a dramatic flourish. "Now listen up, mad dog Raiyuki does not fire his impertinent subordinates! He eats them!"

The group shook with laughter, but there was an overwhelming amount of agreement.  
"Yeah, I heard he got this one kid before he was even here for an hour!"  
"And that one secretary! You know he fired her after like one minute!"  
"Yeah, I heard all she did was call him by Raiyuki-san instead of Sama!"  
"I heard he kicked her out cuz her hair was dyed instead of natural red!"  
"I heard Raiyuki hates women! He's a total misogynist!"  
"No way! He wouldn't be married to that redhead fox if he was!"  
"Eh, you never know though. Even a misogynist must get lonely at night ne?"

"You really think Hiten hates women?" Jakotsu wondered, now genuinely curious.

"Well yeah," Mukotsu shrugged, "I've been working with him for over a year now and he never once said anything nice about a woman. He's totally rude to his secretary; Tekkei, and she's the only one who's lasted longer than a week! Tekkei-san has balls of steel! She stays even though Raiyuki is always yelling at her!"

Tekkei herself leaned over her seat at that moment, offering her own take on the story.  
"Raiyuki-**Chan** is just a big baby! I'll tell you what I thought when I first met him! I thought 'This guy's gotta be gay!'"

"Me too!" Mukotsu gushed, "I was sure he was just a grumpy closet case before this whole 'I love Su-Chan' text message incident…"  
"Me too!"  
"Yeah!"

The queen giggled, wondering how these guys would feel if he admitted that they had been right all along. He dug through his purse, extracting the little compact mirror so that he could look at himself. 'Jakotsu, you are one pretty lady!' He winked. Either that or these boys were just really drunk… 'Probably a little of both.'

The intercom buzzed to life and he looked up, recognizing the words "landing" and "cellphones" through the garbled static. "Thank you for flying with us" Mukotsu quoted, sidling up to his feminine companion. "Hey Ja-Chan, where are you going to be staying tonight? We're all going to the five-star company hotel!"

"I actually live in Japan," He replied with a smirk. "Can't you tell by my accent?" The other guys sighed, each expressing dismay at this announcement.  
"Yeah, but I was hoping my intuition was wrong!"  
"Come on with us! It's so early!"  
"Hey, make Raiyuki bring you to the after party tomorrow!"  
"Yeah, after the big meeting we'll all be together again at the hotel!"  
"Won't you come too, Ja-Chan?"

"Sure," he teased, waving them off, "But I don't think my boyfriend would appreciate that…"

"Awe, boyfriend?!" they hissed, "boo!"  
The plane felt like it was moving a little unsteadily now, which meant it was losing altitude, and the guys grudgingly began to fetch their suitcases, knowing that they would be called first to unboard. "Thanks for keeping us entertained!" One of them offered, smiling at the queen.

"No problem," He waved, covering a yawn, "actually it was you guys that kept me from dying of boredom." This confession made, he peered out of the window, watching as the ants slowly morphed into buildings and the salt grains turned into cars. Beautiful, bustling Tokyo stretched out, shining against the red sunrise. "I'm home," he sighed, gazing longingly at the expansive city. But it wasn't this breathtaking view that he had truly missed. 'To my Aisuru…'

Jakotsu filed out with the rest of the guys, sticking close to Mukotsu so that he wouldn't get lost on the way to baggage claim. He smiled and thanked them profusely as they helped locate and hoist his bags up off of the conveyor belt, and soon enough Hiten and Suzaku had finally rejoined the group. "Oh it's Ja-Chan…" the redhead yawned, waving from his place attached to Hiten's arm. "How long was I asleep?"

"Forever." Hiten growled, trying to pry him off. "Thanks for drooling on my suit!"

"What'd I tell you!" Mukotsu hissed with a smile, "Misogynist alert!"  
The guys laughed at this inside joke, causing Hiten to bristle. "Ja-Chan, don't tell me you've made friends with these dogs?" He demanded, glaring at the queen. Jakotsu nodded with a smile, causing Hiten to scoff. "Lay down with dogs and you'll wake up with fleas."

"Hey, I resent that!"  
"Me too!" They grumbled, but instantly fell silent when Hiten's glare fell on them.  
"Uh, sorry boss…"  
"Sorry Raiyuki-Sama…"

Hiten decided to let it slide as he made to drag Suzaku over to the taller, black-headed cross dresser. "Anyway Jakotsu, please take care of Su-Chan now. I have to go with the guys to the company hotel." He tried to yank his arm away from his redheaded companion but failed miserably. "Let go, you'll make me late!"

Suzaku pouted at him, looking very small and sad as his eyes filled with tears. "But Hiten…"

"Shut up and let go Suzaku!"

Suzaku obeyed, finally relinquishing his hold on Hiten who promptly shoved him away. Jakotsu bristled as he caught Suzaku, trying to ensure the delicate redhead wouldn't trip over his heels again. The other men were whispering amongst themselves and Jakotsu leaned forward to hiss at Hiten, "Cool it! They're gonna think you're abusing your wife!"  
"Good." came his tart reply.

"Come on Su-Chan," Jakotsu rolled his eyes, catching hold of his heavy luggage and beginning to pull Suzaku in the other direction. He changed his tune, offering the sad little redhead a more cheerful, optimistic tone. "I'm taking you to see my brother, Dr. Suikotsu! He's going to be so happy to meet you!" Suzaku wasn't convinced, but he followed along obediently, turning back only once to breathe a quick word of farewell to his lover. "I love you, Hiten…"

Hiten said nothing in reply, but watched them leave in silence, feeling a very unfamiliar pang of longing in his chest. 'How stupid.' Why was he sad to see Suzaku leave? They'd meet again soon anyway. His entire body ached. The pain seemed to pulse outward from his heart…  
Tekkei hurried over to him, chattering on about preparations or something, but he wasn't listening. He was watching Suzaku walk.

The redheaded angel had left his hair down today, so it flowed freely down his back, bouncing merrily where it met the curves of his flawless, feminine body. He really did look like a graceful, timid lady. Maybe fox was not the word Hiten would have used, but there was no denying that both Suzaku and Jakotsu were just as beautiful as any woman he'd ever seen. It was no wonder the other guys were so completely fooled by his cross dressing companions. They looked, acted, and sounded so similar to women…

Hiten could still hear the men behind him whispering things like 'that poor girl,' 'sweet little thing…' 'I wonder why he treats her so bad?' but none of it mattered. He and Suzaku both knew the reality of the situation. The more heartless his coworkers believed him to be, the more obedient they would act when he needed work done. He kind of liked playing the role of the heartless, misogynistic boss…

Hiten turned to leave, not surprised when his coworkers followed suit; like brainless little robots trotting blindly after their leader. They didn't mean anything to him. This job meant nothing to him. Only one thing did: that 'poor, sweet abused' little redheaded angel.

'I love you too,' he thought to himself, swearing that some special day, he'd finally be strong enough to say it out loud, no matter who would hear.


	33. Finely Cut Jewels

disclaimer

I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, Suzaku, Hiten or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.

I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.

I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.

- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

(AN. This was written with you in mind! Popular demand has got some crazy,  
hilarious, smexy yumminess going on this time!

Warnings include: alternate pairings, a bit of rough and tumble blood play,  
and an author that listens to you too much!

As always, please Read, Review, and most importantly, Enjoy. )

**Not For All The World  
**

**Chapter Thirty-Three: Finely Cut Jewels  
**

**

* * *

**"There, nice and snug. This'll be the final one."  
Suzaku smiled up at his nurse as she finished tying on the last of his new bandages. He had scarcely noticed it before, but the cuts that coffee table had left were pretty serious. He could tell by the look on her face when she had first examined him. "Now you should heal up very nicely," she assured, dabbing some antiseptic onto the bite mark on his neck. "Hopefully you don't get into anymore fights with this cat!" He wasn't sure if she was trying to make a joke, but he laughed anyway.

She seemed like a sharp woman and had probably already figured out where the injuries had really come from, but he was thankful that she hadn't drilled him on the issue… In a hospital setting they would call that 'Intimate Partner Violence' since they didn't understand. But Suzaku did. Never would he admit how he'd really been hurt. Not even if he had been mortally wounded. He'd gladly let that man kill him a thousand times over if that's what he wanted, and would never once wish that Hiten would be persecuted for it… But maybe that was the illness talking again. Just maybe…

"Well, well…" Suzaku fixed his curious green eyes on the one they called 'Dr. Suikotsu', who was standing nearby, thumbing through a rather lengthy fax he'd received. "You've got quite the rap sheet, Midari-san!" He laughed, circling things every now and then with his little red pen.  
"I do hope you haven't gotten into any serious trouble lately…"

Suzaku looked away from those kind eyes, thinking bitterly that he was a pretty cliché example of a psychiatrist. "Says here that you hate talking about your illness," Suikotsu quoted, reading from the fax. "Your 'angel' sent this to me, you see."

Suzaku nodded, finally understanding. 'That treacherous bitch…'

"There's nothing to be ashamed of," Suikotsu continued, smiling when Suzaku rolled his eyes. He really was the classic case of Psychiatrist. Right by the book…  
"And I bet you're thinking right now. 'oh great, another token psychiatrist.' Ne?"  
Suzaku started, caught off guard by this. "No." he lied, looking away from him.

"But here's my little secret," Suikotsu leaned close to him now, whispering in his ear. "I myself have Disassociative Personality Disorder. Do you know what that is Midari-San?"

Suzaku shook his head, still refusing to look at him.  
"Well they used to call it 'Multiple Personality Disorder' I'm sure you've heard of that. And did you know that the symptoms are so similar to your illness that it is often misdiagnosed? Even professionals get confused, trying to decide which is which…"

He took a seat beside Suzaku's hospital bed, and the stubborn redhead tried hard not to look into those kind eyes. He could already tell that this man was very well-qualified; maybe even more so than any other physician Suzaku had seen, but he still wished he didn't have to talk to him. "Where's my Ja-Chan?" he asked, wondering if Suikotsu would take the bait or stay on topic. The doctor probably knew that he was playing mind games…

"He has gone out for dinner, but I assume he'll stall for a while outside. He can't stand to stay in a hospital for very long," he replied, "Did you know that he hates them?"

"Yeah," Suzaku said, glad for once that he was the one with the answers, "Ja-Chan has Post Traumatic Stress or whatever. Because of his bitch of a mother. That's why he hates women."

"Ah, but don't you think he's recovered well?" Suikotsu beamed and Suzaku cursed himself for looking over at that gentle, endearing smile. "He was one of my own patients; my crown jewel, you could say. I should like to add you to my collection as well. I consider all of my patients to be jewels since they are each very precious to me."

Suzaku raised an eyebrow at him. This man certainly was odd, and definitely crazy. No one had ever said something like that to him, especially not someone who knew how ill he was…  
'He wants me in his collection?' Why would anyone want a whole collection of mentally ill freaks like himself?

"Sometimes life has to be very difficult so that we can mature…" Suikotsu continued, pressing a finger to Suzaku's chest. "You get hurt; cut up, just like this. And sometimes, as you experience these terrible things, you start to worry that you're not a desirable person anymore. But I'll let you in on a secret that I finally discovered…" The doctor absently traced a finger over some of Suzaku's older scars; contemplating. "Cutting is the very same process that humans use to create their most precious possessions; jewels… Diamonds are cut up, forced to change their former, smooth shape so that they will sparkle. And it is only after they have been so thoroughly abused that they gain their true value. Do you see what I mean? Perhaps that could be said for people like us as well. What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger, ne? Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like without having my own 'split mind'… without the abuse and the cuts, would we still be able to shine? Probably not."

Suzaku looked down at his own injuries, hoping that maybe this man wasn't so crazy after all. Still, he didn't feel much like a jewel. He had the cuts, sure, but the sparkle was only there if Hiten was around to appreciate it… 'I hope Hiten would say that too. I hope he thinks I am like a jewel…'

"Do you know that feeling…" Suikotsu was speaking again. His voice was quiet, especially compared to the obnoxious voices inside of Suzaku's head, but the redhead made to listen, intrigued by the doctor's curious tone. "that you get when you're really lost? Like you don't even know what's what anymore? Like someone else has taken control of your body?"

Suzaku nodded, feeling a little uncomfortable now. He knew what Suikotsu was getting at…

"Is that how you felt when you got these injuries?"

Suzaku nodded but refused to elaborate. He turned away, absently fidgeting with his new, crisp bandages. "I see…" was Suikotsu's calm reply, "I ask because it doesn't look like they were self-inflicted… Someone that you love must have done it. Hopefully in self defense. But it wasn't my Aniki, was it?"

Suzaku shook his head and Suikotsu seemed very relieved. "Well then that's all I needed to know." He didn't force the issue and Suzaku calmed down again, watching those agile fingers move as the doctor prepared a syringe. "Do you know what this is?" Suikotsu asked, holding it up so Suzaku's emerald green eyes could study the familiar liquid.

"Olanzapine." It was an automatic, robotic response. He hated to admit it, but he depended on that stupid drug. It made his thoughts clear and rational, but most importantly, it had the ability to mute the dangerous voices in his head. "Lilly…"

"That's right," Suikotsu smiled, looking much like a schoolteacher, grinning with pride as his student provided a correct answer. "I assume you haven't taken yours today."  
Suzaku shook his head, automatically reaching over to roll up his sleeve. He felt a little childish admitting this, even to himself, but he preferred having a caretaker to give it to him. It made him feel a little bit less lonely.

He didn't feel the sting of the needle. He had grown much too used to it during his many past hospital stays. He still remembered all of the different drugs they'd tried. One failed injection after another. But then finally, miraculously there came his Lilly… Angel had prescribed Lilly to him, and it felt as if she had given him a trustworthy companion. Lilly brought comfort and hope to his otherwise chaotic world. It always made him a little bit sleepy when Lilly was inside of him. They called that a side effect, but to him it was more of a blessing. Sometimes it was very difficult to sleep with a 'split mind'…

"I will check up on you later," he heard Suikotsu promise as those gentle hands rolled the little band aid out over the invisible hole where Lilly had been pushed into Suzaku's arm. "If you need me before then, please don't hesitate to use the call button." He indicated the little red button on the side of the bed and Suzaku nodded, settling himself in. Any moment now Lilly would sing him to sleep, and hopefully by the time he awoke he would be that many hours closer to being with Hiten again…

Suikotsu turned down the lights as he left, smiling as he called behind himself.  
"Goodnight my beautiful new jewel…"

----------------------------

* * *

"Where am I?"  
Suzaku blinked the world back into clarity. For a moment he couldn't remember where he was. The mattress beneath him was so uncomfortable; sterile and covered in plastic. Soon he became aware of the presence of another living being in the room. Something about his paranoia made it so easy to sense others. He sat up slowly, unable to stop the smile that spread across his face when his curious eyes beheld his companion, or rather companions.

Both his Hiten and Jakotsu had fallen asleep at his bedside. Their lovely heads rested peacefully against the sterile white blankets. Strangely enough, the two had left only a few inches separating them. Their noses almost touched as they slept on; oblivious. 'Strange.' Suzaku nudged his best friend but Jakotsu did not stir. It was safe to assume he'd taken his own pills today or else he'd never be able to sleep in a hospital. 'Too precious!' There was something magical about this moment. Something amazing.

Suzaku watched his little loves sleep for many moments, feeling just like he'd fallen into some kind of fairytale dream. He'd scarcely realized what a physical person Hiten was before, but now it was obvious. He didn't seem at all uncomfortable with sleeping so close to two other men. It was such a relief to see Jakotsu and Hiten getting along. 'Amazing…' When the three of them were together like this, with peace settled so comfortably, it was impossible not to feel a certain magical air. But unfortunately Suzaku knew that not everything was sunshine and daisies. They were missing someone; Hiten's doppelganger and former love interest.

What would happen when Bankotsu finally showed up? Hopefully he wouldn't. 'Stupid Bankotsu.' Su-Chan knew he shouldn't think like that, but he couldn't help it. What a perfect picture. Just him and his two most precious companions. Bankotsu's existence would only complicate things. Or maybe Suzaku was just being unfair…

'I don't know him too well afterall…'

"Hiten." Suzaku nudged his snoozing lover, trying not to disturb Jakotsu. Suzaku suddenly wanted to question Hiten. He'd meant to do so before, but only now felt the matter pressing enough. Was Hiten planning on paying his former lover a visit?

"Ne, Hiten!"

The dark-haired male stirred, but immediately began to whine. He was like a child being roused for school. Obviously he didn't want to be disturbed. He snuggled right up to Jakotsu and fell right back to sleep, causing Suzaku to shake with both shock and amusement; his worries forgotten. It was almost painful to hold in the laughter. 'Kawaiiiiiiii!'

Immediately the mischievous redhead began to contemplate scenarios, wondering what kind of hilarious predicaments he could put his best friends into. 'Wonder if I can get them to kiss?'

Fighting off another bout of laughter, Suzaku leaned in close to his lover, cooing softly. "Hiten…" Again Hiten stirred, obviously recognizing his voice. "Come kiss me…" It was almost too easy. Their faces were so close anyway. Hiten leaned forward and captured those painted red lips and this time Suzaku very nearly let out a snort of laughter. Jakotsu woke and reacted automatically, kissing Hiten right back. How convenient that no one ever kissed with their eyes open! 'Oh my gawwd!' Suzaku's entire body heated up just watching. He had realized too late just how erotic things could get. Those delicious boys moved without thinking, practically making out in front of him. Unfortunately however, Hiten's infuriatingly keen sense of taste ruined everything. He finally caught on when Jakotsu's tongue slid between his lips.

Finally Suzaku let out his laughter as the other two simultaneously shoved each other away.  
They coughed and spluttered, cursing his name all the while, but he was too amused to care.  
"Goddamnit Suzaku!" Hiten mumbled, in the middle of wiping his tongue on his own arm. "Ugh. JaChan flavor…"

"Rude!" Jakotsu growled, though he too was wiping off his own mouth. "You're such an ass."

"Wait, wait," Suzaku could barely talk for laughing. "Just, just-"

"What?" his pissed boyfriend demanded.

"Kiss him again," the redhead insisted, "Just for like 5 more seconds. I almost came."

Hiten deadpanned but Jakotsu roared with laughter, joining his mischievous best friend.  
"I hate you." Hiten finally forced out. "Both of you." Su-Chan only laughed harder, so Hiten stood then and promptly shoved Jakotsu's face into the sheets, causing the cross dresser to start. "Hey!" He ignored this and pinned his victim down, taking his place behind his beautiful, conveniently positioned companion. That tight black skirt rode right up those gorgeous hips and Hiten yanked his hair as he forced Jakotsu up against the bed.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Jakotsu and Suzaku chorused this at the same time, so Hiten paused.

"What?"

"I just came."

Hiten collapsed on top of the hysterical cross-dresser and the three of them roared with laughter, effectively waking the entire unit and causing a very angry nurse to burst into the room.

The nurse blinked, shocked to learn that the source of the commotion was three grown men, clutching their stomachs as they rolled with uncontrollable laughter. Two of them even looked to be in the middle of some kind of strange, erotic embrace…

Kikyou shook her head, wandering back out into the hallway. "What's wrong?" Suikotsu wondered, confused.

"I need a vacation."

------------------------------------------

* * *

"Remind me again, why I have to take you home."

"Mean!" Jakotsu tittered, "you'd let a sweet innocent little princess like me walk home with all of these bags?" Hiten rolled his eyes as he led the cross-dresser out of the hospital. It was already very late, so it was pretty safe to assume Jakotsu had missed the last train. "Besides, it's your fault I'm late," his queen reminded, "I fell asleep babysitting your Su-Chan remember?!"

"He's also your best friend," Hiten scoffed, knocking on the window to wake his limo driver. The poor guy looked exhausted, but he still got out and opened the doors for them.

"Ooh, fancy," the cross dresser giggled, letting Hiten take his bags and help him into the back seat. "Such a gentleman," he teased. The second the door closed Jakotsu let out a squeal, crawling onto the leather seats. "This is so cool!" the interior of this limo seemed to be designed to seat many people. Maybe Hiten's other coworker's had filled up these seats earlier that day, but now it was completely empty and the cushions were oh, so comfortable. Suddenly Jakotsu found himself wanting to sleep here instead of bothering to go home. The lights overhead turned cool blue when the doors were closed, and the dark black, tinted windows allowed for complete privacy. It was so relaxing to lie down and just revel in the comfort and security of this perfectly luxurious atmosphere...

Only now did Jakotsu realize just how lucky his best friend truly was. Hiten was so young to be such a successful businessman. Surely he could afford Suzaku any luxury the redhead could ever want. The cross dresser was insanely jealous and at the same time, intensely impressed with Hiten's obvious indifference toward riding in such an impressive 'company car.'

Soon the bags were loaded up in the trunk and Hiten was able to join Jakotsu. He climbed easily into the limo, shaking his head as he spotted the blissful grin on those cherry red lips. The queen had sprawled himself across four seats, apparently very pleased with their traveling arrangements.

The driver spoke up on the intercom and Jakotsu happily gave the address before promptly rolling back over, snuggling up against the luxurious leather. "Hiten this is so cool," he purred, "you're so lucky. I can't believe you get to ride in cars like thissss."

"It's not a big deal." Hiten shrugged, taking the seat across from his overly-excited companion. It was so late. Hiten felt he should be sleepy right now, especially with the cool glow of the blue lights and the gentle hum of the moving vehicle. He wanted to follow Jakotsu's example and lie down, but found hmself too embarrassed to do so. "Ooh, this is the life," he heard the cross dresser practically moan. Those big, onyx eyes sparkled as he gazed up at the ceiling, apparently admiring the lighting. His hands slid along that tight black skirt, smoothing it down so it wouldn't look too scandalous when he moved. But he needn't have bothered. Those shining black heels ruined whatever kind of modesty he might have tried to feign, and so did the heated blush of obvious arousal that shone beneath those smooth blue snake fangs.

'Ooh, I bet Hiten is watching me…' Jakotsu stared purposely upward, refusing to give into the temptation to turn and see if those black-coffee eyes really were checking him out. He knew Hiten's type. Those cat-like eyes would definitely dart the other way if he tried to meet them.  
'Let's see if I can get him to come over here with me…' This could be an interesting challenge.  
That powerful, well-toned body seemed to desire his own, but surely it's stubborn owner would not respond to blatant suggestion. He would have to be coaxed quietly; slyly. Perhaps that would be possible for the cunning, snakelike Jakotsu. The promiscuous cross-dresser carefully ran his fingers down until they met the bare flesh of his thighs and then trailed them down his smooth legs, letting his gleaming red nails fan out as he pretended to check the clasps on those shining black heels. "These shoes are so uncomfortable," he whispered, feigning discomfort as he drew his hands back up and teased his fingers along his skirt, "I can't wait to be out of this whole outfit! It's so tight…"

Hiten didn't say anything, but Jakotsu took this as a good sign. Perhaps he was just too hot and bothered to risk speaking and letting it show in his voice.

"I think it's kinda hot in here," Jakotsu fake mused, sliding his fingers up under his shirt now, "or maybe it's this top. The way it just sticks like this. So wet and all…" He carefully peeled the fabric away, making sure to expose his flat stomach just so. "Maybe I'll just take it off…"

'Is he coming onto me?' Hiten averted his gaze from the mischievous cross dresser. If Jakotsu was doing this on purpose then he needed to be punched. But it didn't seem like he was. It was so much nicer to pretend this situation was just a coincidentally erotic encounter…  
The tension and the silence combined, stretching between them like a thick fog. Or maybe it could better be described as steam… Feeling almost misogynistic, Hiten turned and let his eyes wander along those gorgeous, feminine curves once again. He knew he shouldn't, but it was just too tempting. Jakotsu's slender form was laid out before him like a tantalizing, heated dessert; just begging to be touched and tasted. Those hands wandered slowly, smoothly, almost like that mischievous cross-dresser was pleasuring himself. He let those dark, lust-filled eyes slide shut and tilted his head back as those fingers traveled lower. Was he lost in his own world, fantasizing about someone else's hands on his perfect body?

It was at that moment that time seemed to stand still. Those fingers just barely brushed the gentle swell between those porcelain legs, and even through the fabric Jakotsu was sensitive enough to writhe beneath his own touch. "Oh…" Those bloodred lips parted just so, and he let out a moan that was almost completely inaudible. "Hiten."

And that was it. Hiten didn't literally feel the snapping, splintering carnage that became of his self control at that moment, but he did feel the floor beneath his knees and the heated rush of the desire that refused to be ignored for even a moment longer. Those luscious red lips parted easily as he forced a kiss onto them. His eyes screwed shut and his body moved purely on instinct. Those sweet, throaty moans were swallowed up as the kiss grew deeper and more passionate. Finally those infuriating, teasing hands offered their heat to Hiten's body instead, tugging him closer; encouraging more contact. Insistent fingers threaded their way into his hair and skillfully loosened the ties until the tight, winding twists of the braid began to fall apart. Obviously Jakotsu shared his desires. Hiten allowed his will to become fluid and flexible; matching the lithe body that slid all too easily from those leather seats and perched itself on his lap as they moved to sit on the floor of the limo.

All the while their kiss was never broken. Jakotsu sat on his knees but pressed his weight carefully downward, grinding their hips together. The delicious heat intensified right between those porcelain legs. Oh, that stupid little skirt made it way too easy, way too tempting.  
Hiten felt almost delirious, painfully aroused already, but his partner only pulled him closer. "Yes," His queen was gasping; overwhelmed with the sheer incredibility of their erotic connection. The vibration of the moving vehicle beneath them only served to spur him on. Jakotsu would not be dissuaded. 'Please,' he begged with those luscious hips and those deep, passionate kisses. Neither man dared to speak again, for fear that the spell would be broken, but each desired the other.

Yet it was difficult not to resist. More rational responses like 'we shouldn't' and 'don't' kept cropping up in his mind, and Hiten didn't know whether to voice them or not. He could feel those agile fingers sliding carefully between their tightly joined bodies and almost protested when that heat shifted backward on his lap. But those candy lips kept him distracted with that mesmerizing, dancing tongue.

'I knew he'd taste amazing.' Jakotsu absently thought. Smooth, yet bold; the coffee allure of Hiten's addictive kiss… Maybe he'd already died and gone to heaven, but he was feeling much to selfish to just stop there. Jakotsu silently worked Hiten's belt off; determined. He even moaned louder to mask the gentle click of the zipper being teased open.

'I shouldn't let him-' Those slightly cold fingers made him gasp at the initial contact, and again Hiten had to force his stubborn protests back into his stomach. Those skilled, careful strokes made his breath hitch and he wanted to pull away, if only to lessen the sweltering intensity, but he just could not. The desire was too much. There was something so irresistibly sweet about being seduced with such tender determination, something so intoxicating in that heated kiss…

'Fuck,' Jakotsu cursed himself for not suspecting earlier that Hiten was so very well endowed.  
He had not thought to keep any of his baggage so those precious bottles of lubricant were locked up in the trunk with the rest of his possessions. He carefully wrapped his fingers around that thick, heated rod, trying to get a feel for just how painful it would be to allow it inside of him with precum alone. 'No.' That would not be possible. It could hurt Hiten and snap him back to his senses… 'Plan B.' Without breaking their kiss, Jakotsu slowly began to scoot backward on his knees, carefully teasing his fingers downward before finally easing back out of the kiss. He could already hear Hiten's protesting groan, but now he needed his mouth for something else…

Those sweet cherry lips broke away gently, but before Hiten could reclaim them, his queen dipped down and reattached them firmly between his legs. Now that wet, heated tongue seemed so much hotter as it teased its way down and then back up again, lapping skillfully as if enjoying an ice cream cone. Momentarily he became aware that Jakotsu intended to both pleasure and prepare him with that wet, slippery ecstasy; trying to lead him into a much more intense erotic endeavor. One of those hands worked with his mouth, sliding along the base; gripping to intensify the pleasure, while the other snuck down between those mischievous porcelain legs. Hiten's eyelids felt so heavy with lust and the pressure only tripled when he allowed himself to look down at that beautiful, skillfully bobbing head. 'Fuck.' Hiten threw his head back and drank in a shuddering gasp of air. The ceiling seemed to swim and he had to close his eyes and bite back many sudden gasps of pleasure. How long had it been since he'd been able to feel himself sliding into someone else's mouth? Two years, at least, and he'd almost forgotten how sweet it felt. It was hot and very wet, but not quite so tight or intense as being truly inside of his partner. If he remembered correctly, it was his precious Bankotsu who'd last knelt before him like this. Those dreamy blue sapphires burned up into his own eyes every now and then, but then he would duck back down to continue the task…

Jakotsu was better. His short-cut, silky green hair felt so nice beneath Hiten's fingers. The masochistic cross dresser seemed to like having it yanked and he also allowed Hiten to force him to swallow deeper. Each movement could be guided. Deeper, harder, faster; ecstasy at Hiten's fingertips. It felt simply incredible…

'I should stop this.' It was wrong to take pleasure from such debauched, shameful activity, but he couldn't help it. Oh, why did it have to feel so right? Why did Jakotsu have to want him so desperately yet belong to someone else so completely? Thinking made it feel so much worse. Hiten knew it was stupid to worry, since his partner was so enthusiastic. There would obviously be no regrets in the heart of the promiscuous, snake-like predator. Already Jakotsu had slid one of his hands behind himself and was teasing his fingers between those luscious hips. He would be ready soon. He wanted to be shamed and dominated, and from the looks of it, was willing to take full responsibility for it. Hiten wouldn't even need to move…

He tugged gentle encouragement on that smooth hair, allowing his majesty to take the lead.

'Perfect.' Finally Jakotsu was satisfied with his partner's texture; carefully bathed, and delightfully slippery…. He released it and made to regain his earlier position on Hiten's lap. Their lips met once again and the kiss was renewed. 'Mmm, much better.' Now their kiss really did taste like mocha, and Hiten seemed unabashed, almost further aroused by the bitter hint of his own precum. Oh, he was so obviously the perfect sex partner. Again Jakotsu cursed himself for having wasted so much time hating someone that tasted and felt so amazing. Now he hated nothing but the frustrating anticipation! His mouth had begun to hurt from Hiten's sheer thickness and length, but that didn't matter. Now he would rest his tongue and let the wet heat between his legs do the work instead. Jakotsu eased his body downward, spreading his thighs wider as he finally made to claim his prize. Carefully he moved to guide and accommodate the painfully large object of his fervent lust. With their kiss he swallowed Hiten's gasp of combined shock and pleasure, refusing to voice a single drop of the pain as he completely sheathed that perfect heat within himself.

Jakotsu did not pause for even a moment. The tears stung his eyes, but he still forced himself back up on his knees and then sank right back down, burying that searing rod right up to the hilt. It was Hiten who forced the pause. He wrapped his powerful arms around that elegant body and held Jakotsu still as he finally broke their kiss and made to catch his breath.

Hiten was very astute. He had immediately noticed the pain his partner had tried to play off.  
So now he carefully forced his queen to rest, wondering if he should speak, even though there was nothing to say. Surely this was what they called the point of no return. Jakotsu was taking full advantage of this pause. He had closed his eyes and swiftly removed his shirt, ready to resume, yet still seemed to be in a terrible amount of pain. Hiten marveled as his companion pulled him only closer, too stubborn to admit. His breathing was deep and ragged, much like Suzaku's grew when he was trying to adjust to having Hiten inside of himself. The two of them must have been best friends for a reason. So stubborn. 'But cute.'

Jakotsu gasped as he was unceremoniously shoved from his place atop his companion. Hiten had rolled over and easily broken their precious, intimate connection. But before he'd even had time to think of a curse word nasty enough to describe his anger, those powerful arms slid beneath him. He felt himself be gently lifted up and then carefully lain back down on the leather seats.

Hiten reclaimed his position between his majesty's legs, but this time he carefully pressed inside, reestablishing the connection he'd broken with tender, shallow strokes. And oh, this felt so much better; absolutely incredible. With the cushions beneath him and his handsome partner atop, Jakotsu suddenly had to strain with the effort of delaying his climax. He bit back a moan of pure ecstasy and screwed his eyes shut, wrapping his arms around Hiten's neck as the pace began to quicken.

The initial penetration had been so sweet, but soon those powerful thrusts came deeper and faster. Hiten would not kiss him again, but their connection was constant. Affectionate, skin-to-skin contact would be a waste of time; a hindrance to his raw, powerful fuck. Jakotsu had scarcely felt anything so painfully intense. It was practically rape; pure unrestrained, animalistic passion, yet his majesty writhed in shameless erotic pleasure, savoring every single second of it. The moans dripped out of their own accord and he gripped those powerful hips, trying to force them to fuck harder. He knew his nails would leave bright red marks from biting down so hard, but he simply didn't care. As if in retaliation Hiten leaned right down and sank his teeth into that honeysuckle-scented neck, earning a heightened volume of pleasure-filled gasps from his masochistic partner. "Oh, yes! Harder!"

Hiten happily obliged; amused. This was such a new, incredible experience. Jakotsu matched him in both stamina and fervor, yet took such pleasure in having absolutely no control over what would happen next. He didn't even mind being kissed again; forced to taste his own blood.  
The submissive queen surrendered himself completely, thoroughly enjoying this satisfying assault. The delicious slap of flesh beating against flesh seemed to strike a rhythm, dancing along with their symphony of panting, debauched erotica. The cross dresser let himself be flipped onto his back and dominated in that position next. Now he enjoyed even less intimacy with much deeper strokes. The leather beneath his palms grew slippery with his own sweat and his knees ached before Hiten was even half-way through. "Oh, yes…" Those powerful hands would leave their bruises on his hips now; steady grip for easier riding. "Make me bleed, Hiten."

"You're so fucked up," came his amused retort as he slammed harder into that delicious heat.  
"I'm serious," Jakotsu panted, groaning with the pain of the next thrust. Oh, this was so perfect. He'd never been fucked so hard in his life. Hopefully there would be pretty little ruby streams tracing down his inner-thighs by the time Hiten was done…

Feral, desperate grunts forced their way out, sated only by those powerful caramel hips. Crashing waves of burning, pleading ecstasy robbed all thought. Jakotsu hardly even noticed when Hiten made to change positions again. This time the two of them tumbled onto the ground and Jakotsu found himself pinned with his wrists above his head and his legs hoisted up onto those powerful shoulders. 'Fuck.' Now the pleasure really hit home. Expertly-aimed finesse meant Hiten could grind against only the sweetest spots. Finally Jakotsu surrendered. He threw his head back and let those pounding, perfect thrusts overwhelm his heightened senses, gasping Hiten's name as he finally spent his lust out onto his own stomach.

The shuddering, violent waves of orgasm receded slowly as he made to catch his breath.  
And when he'd finally regained his ability to think, Jakotsu cocked his head, noticing that Hiten had stopped as well.

Both of them were practically dripping with sweat. Hiten's amazing caramel body was flecked with many of those little, sparkling beads. Like sapphire they glittered down with the blue glow of the lights. His long black hair had fallen into a curtain and stuck to his delicious skin, right at the nape of his neck. But for whatever reason, it seemed he was… finished.

Hiten backed up, easing himself out of his partner and promptly dipped down to lick the cum off that flat, beautiful stomach. His tongue traced over the silver-pink scars, but he didn't seem to notice or care, nor did he seem bothered with licking Jakotsu clean. Like a cat he proceeded, determined to thoroughly enjoy the task until it was complete. He then took the time to plant another kiss on Jakotsu's smiling lips, admiring the way that bright red lipstick had rubbed off to reveal a cute, pink pout. But Hiten still leaned back, breaking their precious contact to hoist his pants back up.

"You're done?" Jakotsu finally asked; perplexed, and Hiten nodded.  
"But you didn't even-"

"That's okay. I can't anyway."

"What?"

"You heard me," Hiten snickered, absently replacing his belt.

"Well…" The shocked cross dresser just lay there for a moment, not sure of what to think about all of this. "Why not?" he knew he shouldn't have asked, but if he hadn't, the curiosity would have just driven him crazy all night.

"It's nothing personal," Hiten assured, "you're just not Suzaku."

"Um…"

Jakotsu thought about that, trying to sort through this unexpected information. Did Hiten mean to say he could only fully enjoy sex if he was with Suzaku? Well that was kind of… admirable, in a strange little way. Hiten certainly didn't seem bothered by it. He changed the subject, seeming genuinely interested in Jakotsu's own satisfaction.

"Anyway, how do you feel?"

"Awesome," he replied, giggling when he considered just how silly that must have sounded.  
"I mean, um… A little sore I guess."

"Want a back massage?"  
Wide onyx eyes met with candid chocolate brown and Jakotsu nodded dumbly, allowing himself to be rolled onto his stomach for the final time that night. "Um, thanks Hiten…"

"No problem."  
Hiten shrugged, settling himself atop his companion. He slid his hands carefully over that supple, still-wet skin and easily set to work, rubbing away any traces of tension. "By the way…"

"Hmm?" Jakotsu practically moaned, leaning back into his touch like a spoiled little kitten.

"This night? It never happened."

"I know- Ooh, right there…" the cross dresser purred, guiding with his voice as he enjoyed his back massage, and Hiten closed his eyes as he sat atop that slender, relaxed body. "Except for Suzaku," he absently added, "you can tell him…"

"Mmm, you know, Hiten…" Jakotsu whispered, and Hiten could tell he was thinking something naughty. "I could teach you to cum whenever you want…"

"I'm sure you could," he sighed, shaking his head. 'So predictable.'

"The problem's probably in your head," the cross dresser explained.

"Who said it was a problem?" Hiten leaned down, breathing in that uniquely not waterlily scent, "He's the only one I want anyway." It was so nice to imagine that adorable redhead lay beneath him instead. His entire body yearned to shower affection onto his precious Suzaku…

'The only one?' How humiliating that he'd said it out loud. Yet now, more than ever, he realized that falling in love with Suzaku had been the best thing that'd ever happened to him. Each time he touched Jakotsu's body, the phoenix printed on his own seemed to burn, reminding him that there was only one man he truly belonged to. The flames of the eternal, ethereal Suzaku were the only heat that could instill truly satisfying pleasure….

"Missin' him?" Jakotsu teased, noting the way Hiten moved to lay closer, as if beseeching added warmth to lessen the loneliness. "Always…"

"Kawaiiiii…"

"Oh Shut up." Hiten found himself blushing furiously, but played it off with a long, suffering sigh. He couldn't even understand why he was so wrapped around that infuriatingly difficult Suzaku. He just… was. Whether they were close together or far apart, that stubborn yet adorable redhead was the only one Hiten's heart yearned for. That would never change. Laughing or crying, sick or well, Suzaku was still the only thing in this world that would never fade. He truly was a jewel. Hiten's one and only sparkling diamond.

"Hey Ja-Chan…" He leaned down, breathing in that light, honeysuckle scent. Why did everything seem so very warm and pleasant? Why the embarrassing butterflies in his stomach and the tinge of red on his cheeks? He wished it was just a little bit darker so Ja-Chan couldn't see…

"Can you keep another secret?"

"Yeah…"

"And this one? You can't tell Suzaku… Yet."


	34. Bankotsu's Party

disclaimer  
I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, Suzaku, Hiten or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.  
(Although I wish I did own those adorable, wonderful, super kawaii, sexy little sons of...ahem! anyways)  
I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.  
I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.  
- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

(AN: Time for the shit to hit the fan. Everyone loves reuniting with the people they've fucked over! Lucky little Hiten is our star for the day! Time for some good old fashioned quick-paced scene-changin' fun!)

**Not For All The World**

**Chapter Thirty-Four: Bankotsu's Party  
**

* * *

Inuyasha flipped through twenty more channels, bored to death with the early morning broadcasts. But luckily his cellphone began to vibrate, reporting a new text message.  
"From Kikyou: My brother is here. He will be checking out early this afternoon."

The dogboy scrambled to his feet, suddenly panicked. "Better hurry!"  
He scrolled down his contacts, not even bothering to reply to Kikyou's text. He located Naraku's name and quickly typed out a note. "Showtime! Get your queer ass in gear!"

* * *

It was 10am, Friday, one month since he'd last seen him, when Jakotsu finally built up enough courage to call his lover. The phone number clearly reflected some kind of hospital, but Bankotsu recognized his greeting.

"Hello Beautiful…"

"Aisuru!?"

"I'm coming back home today," his sultry voice cooed, "Meet me there?"

"Yes, yes!" Bankotsu could cry. "Why the hell didn't you call until now!? I missed you-"

"Yeah, about that…" Jakotsu trailed off.

"What?"

"Oh, I mean it's just- just a long story and I should- should talk to you face to face."

"I was worried about you, Aisuru. Thought maybe you'd gotten hurt..."

"Hardly," the cross dresser snickered, "unless you count blue balls."

Bankotsu started, feeling his cheeks light up. Yep, this was definitely his precious Aisuru.  
"What time should I be there?"

"Anytime," Jakotsu replied vaguely, "I'm leaving as soon as Suikotsu lets my Suzaku out of this hellhole."

"Okay. I'll just leave now."

"Alright."

His lover made a sweet little kissing sound on the other end of the line and Bankotsu wanted to jump for joy. But instead he tossed the telephone aside and hurried to get dressed. It was unfortunate that Jakotsu had 'his Suzaku' with him. How annoying. They wouldn't have any alone time if his nosy best friend was tagging along. 'Oh well, at least we get to be together again!'

Unfortunately for Bankotsu however, his own best friend had other plans for what he'd be allowed to do today…

"Oh no, you don't." Inuyasha snickered, an ear pressed to the door of his roommate's bedroom. He hurried back to the living room and began the careful task of moving the coffee table away from its normal spot. He had to wiggle it a bit, but eventually managed to shove it down the small walkway. It scraped both walls, but he didn't care. Finally he came to a stop. The coffee table was now snugly fit between Bankotsu's bedroom door and the opposite wall of the hallway. There was no way Bankotsu would be able to push his door open now. His younger roommate was hopelessly locked into his own bedroom.

"Hah! Try moving that to America!" The now panting dog boy laughed. He didn't even stop to catch his breath before running out the front door and starting up his car. His fingers moved swiftly over the keys on his cell phone and he smiled when his girlfriend's familiar voice greeted him.

"I've done it."

* * *

Kagome flipped her cell phone shut, hurrying into the common room of her dorm. "Come on, come on!" She laughed, motioning for the girls on the couch to follow her.

Ayumi, Eiri, Yuka, and Tsubaki rose, their hands filled with boxes and bags. Each filed out of the house, loading up Miroku's truck with their baggage before hopping into Sango's car.

"See you at the house!" Sango called, tearing out of the driveway.  
Kagome waved to her, handing Miroku a set of keys. "Jakotsu gave these to me so I could keep the snake fed." She explained "Be sure to give them back."

Miroku nodded, mischievous joy twinkling in his dark blue eyes. "I suppose you don't need any help with buying the decorations?"

"No thanks," She declined, waving him off, "Inuyasha and I are going to take care of that."  
"If you say so," The 'monk' replied, waving fondly as he too drove away.

* * *

"This is the gayest cake I've ever made." Sango announced proudly, topping her creation off with yet another pink truffle.

"You think that's gay…" Tsubaki countered, rolling a large tank of helium down the hallway. "Have you seen the clothes in this guy's closet?"

"Get out of Jakotsu's room!" Kagome yelled, nearly falling off of Inuyasha's shoulders.

"Freakin' women…" Inuyasha growled, trying to steady his girlfriend as she reached up to attach another decorative paper lantern to the light fixture.  
He raised an eyebrow as Ayumi and Eiri hurried past, leaving a trail of confetti and newly inflated balloons. "Do we really need all of this?" Miroku wondered aloud, hauling a large box of sake through the front door.

"I will," Inuyasha replied, nearly dropping Kagome yet again. "When Bankotsu realizes it was me that locked him in his room…"

"Ah, I'm sure queer boy will get over it." Tsubaki shrugged, setting down the CD player she had found in Jakotsu's room. "Now to get some jams going…"

"Hold everything!"

All eyes turned to the front door, which had just been thrown open. There stood… a white baboon? Before long a silver-haired, grouchy looking man had pushed his way past, growling at the baboon. "Naraku take off that ridiculous costume!"

This time Kagome really did fall, but Inuyasha didn't bother to catch her since he was busy ducking behind the couch. "Oh god it's my brother!"

Naraku hurried forward, lowering the hood of his baboon cape. "The party has arrived!"  
He reached down and helped Kagome up. "I shall take charge of the rest, my lady!"  
"By yourself? She wondered, trying to untangle herself from the garland.

Naraku laughed, tossing back his messy black hair. "And ruin my nails?! Yeah right!" He bragged, "I've enlisted the help of some of my closest friends…"

"In other words the entire drama club from highschool." Sesshoumaru explained, setting down a box of Naraku's 'gifts.' "Jacked some theatre costumes too."

"Alright troops!" Naraku stood on the coffee table, addressing the odd collection of party-goers, half of which he didn't even know. "The theme is Furry Fag Paradise! Our slogan for today is… 100% gay! We've got to make this entire house F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S!"

"100% gay!" Kagome cheered along with the crowd, grinning as she tried to pry her boyfriend from the couch. "Oh, Inuyasha he's perfect! This is gonna be-"

"Hell on earth…"

* * *

"Hell hounds I tell you! Listen Raiyuki-kun! These guys are the top dogs! You've got to hold your own in there! You'll be up in front of the entire committee!" Tekkei was… freaking out. Hiten's secretary would not stop running to and fro, reciting the list of necessary paperwork again and again. "Okay we'll need the figures on the Ishida account, as well as the records of past sales and a list of service reps from the last fiscal year! Straighten your tie Raiyuki-kun! Oh my god you're wearing those earrings?!"

Hiten sighed, ignoring his flustered secretary as she straightened his tie and changed his earrings yet again. 'This is why I hate women…' She kind of reminded him of a chicken with its head cut off… or maybe a hen since her hair was red?

"Raiyuki don't give me that look!" Tekkei scolded, "this is the biggest deal we've ever gotten so close to sealing! Once you go into the meeting, you better get this contract signed! Understand? Even if it takes all day! We have to get this contract signed! Do you have any idea how much money is riding on this deal?!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Same speech you gave me yesterday!"

"Raiyuki you have to do this right or we'll both be fired! Oh my god, what if the president hates your hair? What if none of the pens in the room work? What if he won't sign!?"

Hiten shoved her aside and finally made his way over to the meeting room.  
"Enough already Tekkei, you're going to make me late!"

"Wait I forgot to check your briefcase!" Ignoring her, Hiten let himself in, smiling at the long ebony table that was now filled with tightwads in suits. The atmosphere in this room was very tense, and it seemed he was the only one willing to offer the first words.

"Good afternoon gentleman."

The men at the table bowed politely and murmured their greetings as well. Some of the seats were still empty, so Hiten took his time in strolling up to the front and beginning to set up his presentation. Mukotsu waved amiably from his right, pointing proudly at the older gentleman beside him. "Raiyuki-Sama, I get to sit by president Ishida himself!" He positively glowed.

Hiten shook his head, reaching into his briefcase for a pen, as he booted up his laptop. But when he tried to write, he found that he'd picked up Kotori instead. "Oops." He set down the little red bird and went right back to work, but unfortunately Mukotsu had noticed it too.

"Awe! It's Su-Chan's little bird!" He teased, snatching it. "How cute!"  
"Mukotsu, your mother didn't teach you any manners at all..." Hiten sighed, not even bothering to try to take it back.

"Look Sacho-Sama, Raiyuki's wife gave him this for good luck. Isn't that sweet?"  
Hiten spun around, but it was too late. None other than the president of the Ishida company himself was now holding that ridiculous little stuffed bird! The old man smiled down at it, his thin wrinkly eyes dancing as he prodded the little feathers.

"Well, well…" The old man grinned, and Hiten thought he might die of embarrassment.  
"She must be a very sweet little girl, ne Raiyuki san?"  
"You bet, Sacho!" Mukotsu interjected, I saw her! A long-haired angel in a strawberry-pink skirt." At this the president smiled only wider. "Is that so? Sounds just like my granddaughter…" He passed the bird back to its rightful owner and then extended a very kind invitation to Hiten. "Why not have her come in here and watch the presentation?"

"You'd allow that, Sacho-Sama?" One of the other men asked, grimacing.  
"I thought this was a private meeting," some of the others whispered, glaring daggers at Hiten.  
But he shook his head, waving off both the invitation and the angry whispers.

"Forgive me, President Ishida," He politely declined, "but my wife is in the hospital so-"

"The hospital?!" Mukotsu whispered, shocked. Now the group fell into a reverent silence, and the president bowed his head. "My, my, just landed in a foreign country and immediately hospitalized? She must be a fragile little thing…"

"Yes, unfortunately…" Hiten looked away, pretending to be busy setting up his presentation, "My Su-Chan is permanently ill..."

"Terminally?!" Mukotsu gasped. His voice was so shocked and tiny that it was nearly inaudible, but Hiten heard him loud and clear. He'd just found his pen, but it tumbled right from his fingers and landed somewhere on the ground. "Terminal?" That word tasted bitter in his mouth. It had never even crossed his mind before, but now it suddenly surged throughout his entire body, wrenching at his heart. 'As in deadly?' Well that illness had already nearly killed Suzaku once before. As pigheaded and out of line as he was, Mukotsu was also somewhat correct…

"I'd never… thought of it that way." Hiten absently bent down to retrieve his pen, trying to pull himself back together. But all he could think about were those empty green eyes, the ones that would inevitably stare back at him when Suzaku really did die first…

"I'm sorry," Mukotsu offered, having only just realized that Hiten just might have also been human enough to feel pain… An even more tense silence fell about the room then, and this time even Hiten didn't have the strength to break it.

But luckily the president did.

"What a shame," he mumbled, stroking his thick white mustache as he contemplated. He was still staring over at the cute little bird… "Well then Raiyuki-Sama I suppose you are wanting to speed this meeting along in order to return home to your wife."

Hiten shook his head, sincerely wishing Tekkei had bought him that gun after all. Hell hounds he could handle, but a polite, elderly gentleman talking about his 'wife' was just too embarrassing!  
"Oh, no Ishida-Sama, I only meant to set up the presentation in a timely manner. I would never try to rush something this important."

"Of course you would!"

Hiten sighed, deflating as his sincere explanation was rebuffed by the now laughing old man. 'This is not going well…'

"I'll take the challenge!"  
Hiten gaped, shocked by the old man's sudden show of excitement. The president stood, holding out one of those wrinkled, pale hands as his dark Japanese eyes sparkled. "Show me this agreement you want signed so badly!" He demanded.

Hiten dug through his briefcase and handed over the folder Tekkei had labeled 'Extremely Important! Ishida Final Contract!'

"Extremely important?" The president laughed again, "Well let's skip right on ahead then! Life's too short for dallying, ne?" There was a general murmur of agreement, but everyone at the table looked unnerved as their president flipped open the folder and rifled through it. But in an instant, everyone was smiling and joining in on the excitement. The president had picked up a pen and was now signing the contract! "Ishida, Komji" He read aloud, topping off his signature with two circles instead of dots on the i's. "Now then," he handed back the papers, smiling amiably as he shook Hiten's hand.

"Go on back to your wife, where you belong."

* * *

Tekkei hopped out of the limo, practically singing in her excitement as she held the door open for her boss. "You are so amazing!" She gushed, slapping Hiten on the back as he stepped out.

"Alright already, you said that a million times!" He rolled his eyes as he said this, but at the same time he couldn't stop himself from smiling. Hiten Raiyuki must've been the luckiest guy on earth. In just a few minutes he'd successfully sealed the multi million dollar deal he'd been agonizing over for the past year! And all it took was one little red bird…

'That was so fast! All I have to do now is pry my Su-Chan off that cross dresser and we'll have the whole rest of the trip to ourselves!' He double-checked the address Jakotsu had left him with and was convinced that this was the right house. 'Strange. Why are there so many cars parked outside?'

"Hey Raiyuki, this is your wife's best friend's house?"

"Yep." He wandered up the path and Tekkei followed along, curious. "I meant to ask you, Raiyuki-kun. Isn't Su-Chan's best friend a boy? How come he was pretending to be a girl on the plane?"

"Don't ask me. That crazy drag queen is always pulling some kind of weird shit…"  
He stood at the front door and made to knock, but Tekkei interrupted, voicing another sudden question. "Does Su-Chan like to cross-dress too?"

Hiten froze. His hand was already raised and it had stopped about an inch from knocking on the door. Inside his brain was screaming 'Move you idiot!' but his body didn't seem to be listening.  
Those green eyes sparkled mischievously and Tekkei danced on the spot. "I knew it!"

"You're fired." Hiten grit out, glaring at her. But Tekkei only laughed. She then took the liberty of knocking by herself, grinning smugly as the door swung open to admit them. But even she froze as the host bowed them into the house. "Come on in, the party's just begun!" The black-haired, very feminine-looking man ushered them inside and Tekkei looked around in wonder. Everything was rainbow-colored. There were balloons, streamers, and painted rainbows covering the walls. Confetti sparkled all over the floor, the table was stacked with snacks and drinks and loud American music blasted from somewhere in the kitchen, where two boys were standing hand-in-hand, belting out horrible karaoke.

"This is the gayest party I've ever seen…"

"100% gay!" Many of the partygoers cheered along with the man in the baboon suit. He took another deep bow, cheerfully introducing himself. "I'm Naraku and I'll be your host this evening! If you'd kindly join the rest of the guests and-"

Suddenly Naraku froze. His heavily penciled eyelids blinked quickly as he shoved Tekkei out of the way. "Oh my god it's Raiyuki Hiten!"

"Raiyuki, Hiten?!" Many of the other boys squealed and hurried over to see.  
"He's right! It's Raiyuki!"  
"The star quarterback!"

Hiten glared as his old classmate caught hold of him. "Hello, Jigoku-san…"  
"You remember me!" Naraku positively beamed as he indicated the other boys.  
"Remember them Raiyuki? This is the entire drama club from our old high school! We're throwing an out-of-the-closet party!"

"Sounds like something you freaks would do." Hiten rolled his eyes, snatching his hand back from Naraku. "But I'm not here for any party. Where's Jakotsu? He told me to meet him here."  
"That's weird." Naraku looked around, totally confused. "Jakotsu hasn't even come home yet. I've been looking for him too."

"That's just great…"  
'Of course that stupid queer would be late to a meeting he himself set!'

"Have a snack, sit down and wait with us!" Naraku insisted and Hiten scoffed as his secretary took that invitation all too willingly. "Come on Raiyuki-sama look at all this booze!" She squealed, hurrying over to the table, so Hiten conceded, figuring he may as well wait here.  
'Well, what the hell.'

He accepted the bottle he was offered and took a seat on the couch, politely nodding to greet the silver-haired boy beside him. "This like… A costume party?" He wondered aloud, noticing the two fluffy dog-like ears on this boy's head. He nodded again, accepting another bottle from Naraku. "I don't need this much…"

"Yeah, I'm a dog," his silver-haired companion replied. "And trust me, you will be thankful for the booze. Especially if you're straight…"  
"Don't worry, he's not!" Tekkei giggled, sitting on the other side of Hiten. "His 'wife' is a boy!"  
Maybe he was just imagining things, but Hiten could've sworn the golden-eyed dog kid scooted away from him at hearing this. But for some reason those big eyes were still staring intently.

"What?"

Inuyasha bowed his head and one of his fake ears almost slipped off, but he caught it in time. "Sorry, I was just thinking you look just like my best friend…"

"Well who's your-"

"Raiyuki look! These are perfect for you!" They looked up to regard the interrupting Naraku, who sauntered back over at that moment and fixed two black ears onto Hiten's head, earning himself a deadly glare. "Oh come on!" He laughed, "You were born to play the cat!"  
He examined Hiten's face, frowning when he noticed the thin cuts above his eye. "What happened, got in a fight with your cat friends? I can put some foundation on that if you want…"

"No," Hiten turned away from him, deciding to start in on his drink. "My wife did this…"  
"Oh my god! Raiyuki-sama you got in another fight with Su-Chan?" Tekkei leaned closer to try to pry but Hiten only stood and traded places with Inuyasha, refusing to even look at her.  
"You didn't hurt him or anything did you?" She pouted when Hiten refused to answer, but gave up her nosy chase because now Naraku was on her case too. "You'd be perfect for a fox!" He informed, and then he ran off, presumably to find an outfit for her.

"Oh, a fox! How adorable!" She giggled with excitement, but her boss rolled his eyes, stood and wandered off toward the kitchen. "Ass." She grumped.

"Um…"

Tekkei turned to the nervous dogboy, smiling. "What is it my fellow doggy companion?" She laughed at her own lame joke, scooting closer to Inuyasha. "That Raiyuki guy," he whispered, "Does he have a brother?" Tekkei shook her head immediately. "Not anymore. Raiyuki's my boss. I've gone through all of his records already."  
"Oh." The pretty boy looked disappointed so she apologized. "Sorry?"

"No, no!" He laughed nervously, "It's just that he looks like my roommate and I recognized his name. He must be that best friend Bankotsu said he hated. I was hoping it was his brother instead…"  
"Bankotsu's brother?" A black-headed girl interrupted, taking the seat beside Inuyasha. "yeah I was thinking that too! Looks just like him!" she giggled, rebuffing his attempts to keep her quiet. "Shup dog boy…"

"This is my loud girlfriend; Kagome," Inuyasha offered, gesturing toward the lady with the cat ears on her head. "She's had a few too many drinks…"  
"Hi!" Tekkei waved, thinking that he was right. This Kagome girl seemed a little bit tipsy.  
"Higurashi Kagome is a cat!" was all she had to say for herself. But looking around, Tekkei noticed that quite a few of the other party guests also had animal appendages, telling red blushes and slightly slurred speech.

"You guys just been sitting around drinking?" She asked, raising an eyebrow at Inuyasha.  
"Well the party's not supposed to start til the honored guest arrives; Bankotsu, the guy I told you about. It's his coming out party."

"He's pretty rude for being late!" she huffed, but Inuyasha shook his head.  
"It's a surprise party…"  
"Oh I see! Well it may as well start!" Tekkei stood, taking a huge gulp of her drink before leaving them to find Naraku. "I'll show you how Karaoke is meant to be done!" She announced, bowing as the host fixed some red ears onto her head. "Why thank you Naraku! Now then!" She pumped up the volume and shoved one of the boys from the karaoke machine. "Put me on one of them gay songs!"

A white-haired girl who was obviously also dressed as a fox hurried up to join her, waving to their slightly drunken crowd of mostly gay males.  
"Go Tsubaki!" Kagome cheered, hurrying over to watch.

The music started and Tsubaki did the honors of belting out the first lines.  
"I kissed a girl and I liked it!"  
"Hope that Raiyuki don't mind it!" Tekkei finished, giggling madly at how humiliated Hiten looked to hear her ridiculous remake of an already terrible song.

Kagome watched in amusement, ushering Miroku and Sango over to listen as well. "Come on guys let's play too!"  
"Wait, wait I got one!" Miroku dug through the karaoke Cds and tossed one into the second karaoke box. "I make them good girls go bad!" He announced, pointing to Kagome and Sango, who burst out laughing, even as Naraku scolded them. "That song is not gay!" He fumed, "pick one by Brittany spears!"

Miroku nodded, switching to the new song and tapping his foot to the rhythm. "One, two, three! Sango Eiri and me!"

Hiten sat on the couch, trying to tune out the screaming gay boys, the out-of-tune karaoke lyrics and the even more pissed off Naraku. He downed his first bottle of sake, nodding as Inuyasha did the same. "You were right… Maybe I'll survive this if I'm drunk enough."

* * *

"Lookit this!" Naraku stood on the table, accidentally knocking over some drinks as he swayed on the spot. It had been about two hours now, and his already drunken audience cheered as he started taking off his shirt. "Got a new tattoo!" He announced, showing off the large black spider across his back. Tekkei cheered with the rest of the crowd, shoving her boss forward. "So did Raiyuki! Show us Raiyuki!"

The dark-haired cat grumbled, but took Naraku's hand and joined him. This music was starting to sound pretty infectious… 'Yeah I'm definitely drunk' he thought, catching hold of Naraku before he tripped. He lifted off his shirt as well and his overly enthusiastic fellows cheered even more loudly. "Oh my god it's so beautiful!" Tekkei gushed, hurrying closer.

"Don't tou-" Hiten swatted her hand away, but Tekkei caught hold of her boss and pulled him back down so she could reach him easily. "Wow, that's so cool!" Many of the boys hurried over to them; wide-eyed. "You are so hot!" more than one of them squealed. "Show us again!"

Hiten pulled his hair out of the way and turned around so they could see it.  
Tekkei gaped, speechless as she reached out to touch the designs. This tattoo still felt new.  
She remembered Hiten grumbling about how much it hurt at work and now she understood why. The elaborate image covered almost his entire back. Unless she was totally drunk, this was the most realistic, breathtaking rendition of a phoenix she had ever seen. It gazed back at her with bright green eyes and at least a hundred smooth red feathers. The flames at its feet hinted that it had just been reborn, and little black ashes fluttered on either side. It stood proud and regal; ethereally beautiful. "It's Suzaku, the legendary phoenix…"

Finally Tekkei caught on as her fingers gingerly traced over those green eyes and she leaned forward to give her boss a hug. "Oh how sweet. It's your Su-Chan…"

Hiten nodded, but shoved her away as his embarrassment burned on his cheeks.  
"Yeah, yeah, don't get all sappy on me…"

"Oh, my gosh!" Tekkei's fingers brushed an area just below his tattoo and Hiten flinched, seizing up with the sudden sting of pain. "Damnit Tekkei, what the fuck was that?!"

"I dunno," she gasped. "Looks like… claw marks," his stunned secretary mumbled this distractedly, trying to match up her own fingers with the bright red wounds on his lower back. "Raiyuki, it looks like you got in a fight with a tiger or something. It's pretty bad…"

"Shit." Hiten tried to turn, but could not catch them in his peripheral vision, "he didn't fuck up my tattoo did he?"

"He?!" Tekkei repeated; shocked. "You mean to say a man did this to you?!"  
Her eyes were so wide that Hiten couldn't help but be amused by the classic, comic expression and decided to poke some fun at her expense. "Well actually it was a snake…"

"What?!"

"Yeah, last night," he laughed, "but don't worry, I bit him back."

"Oh my god…" Finally Tekkei caught on and she leaned close like she was about to whisper a foul, dirty curse word, "you mean during sex?"

Hiten tried not to laugh but failed miserably. Unfortunately however, his intuitive secretary's next words wiped the amusement right off his face. "But you said your Su-Chan was in the hospital last night. So who were you with?"

"Um…"  
Hiten froze, blushing furiously. He'd sooner die than answer that question, but he was interrupted, luckily, and didn't have to. One of the boys had tried to touch his arm and Hiten yanked it away, suddenly regretting removing his shirt. "Whoa! Did you make this yourself?!" the nosy queer wondered, craning to try to read the scars on his arm. "It says Bankotsu!"

"No way!" Naraku almost tripped, jumping down so he could see too. "Ooh, Raiyuki I knew you had a thing for Bankotsu! Show me show me!"

Hiten shoved him away. "The only thing I'd show you would be my foot up your ass!"  
Naraku only giggled, teasing him as he prodded the little black ears on his head. "Ooh, was Bankotsu the tiger you got in a 'fight' with last night?"

"No! Now shut the fuck up you stupid-"

"Whose Bankotsu?" Tekkei interrupted, confused.  
"My roommate." Inuyasha offered, and Kagome piped up too, "The honored guest we're all waiting for!" Hiten's mouth fell open as he turned around to yell at them. "What the hell?! I thought we were waiting for Jakotsu!"At this Naraku laughed, slapping Hiten painfully on the back. "Jakotsu came out of the closet at like age five! Who'd bother throwing a party for him?"  
The others were giggling as well, but Hiten was far from amused. All the alcohol in the world would not have been enough to make him laugh at the sudden prospect of seeing Bankotsu again.

"Oh my god, Raiyuki-sama, did you make these with a knife?" Tekkei was still staring at his scars, but Hiten caught hold of her and yanked. "Come on, we're leaving!"

His secretary whined, trying to squirm out of his grip, but Hiten shoved her toward the door, hurriedly pulling his shirt back on. "Out Tekkei! Now!" He commanded, pulling off his ears to return them to Naraku. But the effeminate drama queen only caught hold of him and joined in with the other whiny boys. "Don't go Raiyuki-san!"  
"We were having so much fun!"  
"You can't leave before our guest even gets here!"  
"That's the point!" Hiten fumed, trying to pry those insistent hands off of him so he could chase Tekkei out the door. "Naraku lemme go!"  
"How come?"  
"Don't go!"

"Oh my god my house!"  
The room fell silent and Miroku even turned down the music as all eyes fell on the front door where Jakotsu now stood, frozen on the spot. "It's like a fag paradise!" He suddenly squealed, running over to throw his arms around Naraku. "You did all this?!" They clasped hands and danced on the spot, raving about the decorations and party guests. "Oh my god Takahashi-san is here! And Hachi and Nana! Even Inuyasha?!"

The dog-boy waved, wandering over with Kagome at his side. "This was all Inuyasha's idea!"  
"Not really…"  
"It's a coming-out party!" Naraku explained, "We're going to welcome Bankotsu into the queer world with a bang!"

"Oh my gawwwd!" Jakotsu and Naraku rushed off to the back, declaring that the queen needed to put on her dress but Hiten followed, fuming "Ja-Chan you stupid fucking tranny! Where'd you leave Su-Chan?!"

"Su-Chan will be here soon!" Jakotsu replied, "Suikotsu's bringing him."  
"You've got to be kidding!" Hiten hissed, very nearly panicking. Jakotsu still had that highly visible bite-mark shining on his pale neck. 'I have to get out of here before Bankotsu fucking kills me!'

"Maybe we can wait for Su-Chan outside?" Tekkei offered, ushering Hiten back to the front of the house, but the pair of them froze, along with the other people. The room was dark. Someone had switched off the lights and Kagome was running around trying to get everyone to quiet down and duck behind the furniture.

"Shush! Shush! Everyone shut up I think he's here!"

She giggled, ducking behind the couch as Hiten and Tekkei joined her.  
Sure enough, Bankotsu burst through the front door, looking fazzled. "Which one of you bastards locked me into my room!? I had to-"

**"Surprise!"**

Hiten covered his ears as the excited partygoers streamed out to greet their honored guest. The lights were on again and the music started back up, but Hiten held Tekkei down with him and stealthily crawled closer to the door. "This is bad… So very very bad!"  
"Raiyuki what're you-"  
"Shush!" He hissed, feeling genuinely panicked now. "_That _is Bankotsu. If he sees me I am so royally fucked!"  
"Why?" She prodded nosily, "Who is he anyway? How come his name's on you?"  
"Shut up!" Hiten hissed. Tekkei followed after him, rolling her eyes as her boss went into spy mode and tried to sneak out of the now bustling party. The special guest was stoked, from the sound of the chatter. Inuyasha and Kagome were bragging about how much work they'd put into surprising him.

'I bet that's his ex.' Tekkei assumed. This Bankotsu guy looked almost exactly like Raiyuki...  
Her boss seemed just the type that was far enough up his own ass to date his own doppelganger…

Finally Hiten had gotten close enough to the door and Tekkei made to follow as he prepared to stand and run toward it. But unfortunately at that very same moment, a brown-haired doctor wandered into the house, followed closely by a very familiar-looking red-headed man.  
"Awe we missed the big moment!" The doctor sighed, hurrying over to the group that now surrounded the special guest. "Congratulations anyway!"

Tekkei nudged Hiten, pointing to the now clear and open door, but he was completely distracted by the redhead. "My Su-Chan…"

"Where's Ja-Chan?" Suzaku asked, and many of the guests pointed to the hallway.  
He wandered off to the back and Hiten immediately made to follow him "Wait Raiyuki!"  
Tekkei tried to stop him, but he slipped past and just barely missed catching hold of his lover's coattail. Naraku had interrupted, ushering the redhead into the back room with Jakotsu, gushing about how perfect it would be to dress him as a fox.

"Oh, my god Raiyuki don't be such a baby!" Naraku insisted, and Tekkei snapped as he caught hold of the very distressed cat-boy and tried to drag him out of hiding. "Let Raiyuki-sama go!" Hiten finally stood, his long black hair swishing as he shoved his effeminate friend away. "Don't touch me you faggot-ass doucheb-"

"Raiyuki Hiten."

The whole room fell silent. 'Oh Fuck...' Hiten cursed his life, turning toward that all-too-familiar voice. Suddenly the honored guest only had eyes for one man. Those dark blue, glaring eyes met Hiten's nervous brown ones and everything froze.

The entire world stopped spinning at that moment, but apparently Bankotsu had missed the memo. He shoved his guests out of the way and trumped over to Hiten, looking absolutely livid.  
"Um…" For a moment he just stared guiltily into those glaring, furious eyes, taking a few steps back, but then Bankotsu simply… snapped.

"You sorry-ass son of a bitch!"

Some of the girls screamed and most of the guests retreated back a few steps as Bankotsu landed a very powerful punch on his best friend's face. The force caused Hiten to stumble backward and he hadn't even had time to recover before Bankotsu tackled him as well, shoving him painfully back, into the wall.

"Fuck…" Hiten hissed, forcing his stinging eyes back open to meet those glaring blue ones as he brought a hand up to touch his now bleeding lip. "Okay, I guess I deserved th-"

"Fuck you Rai-Chan!"  
Bankotsu caught hold of him, yanking his hair so that Hiten was forced to lean forward as he growled. "What the hell's your problem?! You run off to America without so much as a fucking call and then you just wander back and try to duck out without even talking to me?!"

"I just didn't want to make a scene," Hiten insisted, "Calm down Ban!"

"Don't even call me that!"

"RaiAme-san then?"

"Is that supposed to be funny?!" Their tattoos pressed together as Bankotsu forced him closer. There was now an unmistakable hint of sadness in his furious whisper. "Forever my ass. How could you hurt him? Why'd you do that to me? How could you just- leave?!"

"Ban, now is not the time-"

"Well you better make time!" Bankotsu refused to let go. He didn't even seem to care that the whole household was watching them, but Hiten replied hurriedly, desperate to get away before Su-Chan returned. "But you told me you hated me!"  
"But you knew I was lying!"  
"No I didn't!"

"Yes you did you stupid bastard!"

"Please, let go, Ban!"  
Oh, this was bad. Very, very bad! If Su-Chan returned and saw him so close to Bankotsu, there was no telling what calamity would strike. 'Paranoid!' His panicked mind kept screaming. This was just way too intimate. Suzaku would surely flip his shit, and then Hiten would have two pissed off lovers to deal with. Even worse, Jakotsu could join the fray…  
And what if Bankotsu noticed the bite mark on his precious cross dresser's neck?! Oh, he was dead this time, for sure…

"Let me go," Hiten practically begged, but Bankotsu only scoffed in reply. "Why should I? You said before that you like having your hair pulled…"  
"Shut up about before!" Hiten hissed, trying to push him away. "Seriously, we can talk later!"

"No, we will talk now."

"I can't! Su-Chan will seriously kill me!"  
"Not if I kill you first!" Bankotsu growled like a dog, slamming his cat-like companion again into the wall. The back of Hiten's head had probably just taken a very painful blow, but he couldn't have cared less. He released that long black hair and caught hold of Hiten's throat instead. "No, no," Hiten choked, "Seriously Su-Chan will kill us both."

"Who the fuck is this Su-Chan you keep blabbing about?!"

"His lover," Tekkei interjected, and Hiten snapped at her. "Butt out Tek-" his sentence was cut off by Bankotsu's suddenly tighter grip. "Your lover?!" he repeated, and now Bankotsu's hands shook as he pressed his forehead back up against Hiten's. "I thought you loved me! What the fuck? Was that just another one of your sick jokes, like what you did to Jakotsu? Were you just using me?"

"No!" Hiten carefully pried those shaking fingers from his neck, refusing to get violent with this, his dearest friend. "It- It's not like that. I met him after you."  
"Fucking traitor…" Bankotsu's voice betrayed his forcedly smothered misery, shaking worse than his hands. "I hate you," he growled even though he looked like he wanted very badly to kiss Hiten. Unbidden memories forced their way back into Hiten's mind then. He remembered these strong arms and those hot, passionate lips. "You and me, that was impossible…" He whispered. If only he'd known that at the time, he never would have even touched Bankotsu. "Just a mistake."

"You're a mistake!" his furious companion yelled, "It's all your fault!"

"I didn't know you were with him!"

"So, what!? That gives you the right to try to fucking kill him?!" Bankotsu shoved their tattoos more painfully together; enraged. Hiten had never seen him so angry. Never.  
"And then you just left like that? You stupid, fucking coward…" That heavy, hot breath swept over Hiten's lips like the steam of freshly brewed mocha. It was almost painful. He wanted to push Bankotsu away but could not. His stubborn hands wanted so badly to pull him closer instead… 'Ridiculous.' Why? Why after so many years did he still feel like this?! Even with the obvious fury, Bankotsu's mere pressence was stifling; dizzily arousing. He remembered. Oh why did he have to remember so well, with crystal clear detail? That hot, stiffening rod pressed against his own with that intoxicating, poisonous tongue wrestling along with their tightly entwined bodies. If anything he should be the one feeling betrayed. He hadn't the faintest clue that delicious body had belonged to Jakotsu all along…

"Stop," he whispered, imploring those sapphires that used to be so kind and affectionate.  
"Get off me, Ban. This is not the place."

"Tell me the truth." Bankotsu demanded, trying to stay pissed. But Hiten caught the unmistakable hint of sadness in his voice. "Why did you leave?"

"Because I wanted to forget you." There. He'd said it. Short and simple; brutally honest.  
Those glaring eyes wavered almost immediately, and it seemed that Bankotsu might seriously break down, right then and there. "Forget." those frowning lips whispered, and Hiten thought his heart might break. Bankotsu's fury melted into abrupt misery and those eyes began to water.  
"Fucking, heartless bastard…"

Their audience was whispering, but Hiten tried his best to pretend they didn't exist. Nothing mattered but his suddenly thoroughly distressed companion. "Come on Ban. Don't cry…"  
Those formerly violent hands gripped Hiten then and pulled him into an embrace.  
"I hate you so much…" Bankotsu mumbled again, yet then his grip grew desperately affectionate. "I can't believe you'd leave like that…"

Hiten stood very still, trying not to incite any more of his wrath. He was not surprised by Bankotsu's sudden attack. He had known his erratic friend well enough to see it coming. But he was less prepared for the sadness. His precious companion sobbed, whispering Hiten's name into his aching chest. "Coward," he kept mumbling, "Hiten, this is all your fault…"

"I know."  
'There, I said it.' Now was obviously not the time for petty arguments or defending his case. The wet heat of Bankotsu's tears slid onto his neck as Hiten pulled his best friend closer, rubbing his back as he offered the apology he'd been dying to say for the past two years.  
"I am sorry. I never meant for anyone to get hurt. Especially not you…"

This seemed to sate Bankotsu, at least a little bit. His grip slackened and Hiten immediately caught him by the shoulders and shook. "Look, Ban that was years ago! High school is over and you can be happy now! Don't you see that? This whole party is just for you…"

"I didn't need a party, stupid." Bankotsu sighed, rubbing the tears away. He stared up into those big chocolate eyes and yanked Hiten's hair to force a kiss to those stubborn lips.  
"I needed to be with the ones I love."


	35. Secrets, Lies and Other Guys

disclaimer  
I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, Suzaku, Hiten or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.  
(Although I wish I did own those adorable, wonderful, super kawaii, sexy little sons of...ahem! anyways)  
I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.  
I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.  
- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

(AN: The past and present finally come to a head. Skeletons in the closet. Four men are faced with the dirty, shameful secrets they'd tried so hard to bury. Will past mistakes tear them apart or does the future still stand a ghost of a chance?)

**Not For All The World**

**Chapter Thirty-five: Secrets, Lies, and Other Guys  
**

* * *

Inuyasha had to work very hard to restrain himself. He wanted to rush over to Bankotsu and insist that he release that other man, but instead stayed rooted to the spot, just like the other people around him. 'What is going on?' He remembered Bankotsu talking about that guy; Raiyuki Hiten. Hadn't he said he hated Raiyuki's guts? Hadn't he just rushed over there to punch him in the face? But now they held each other, gently, affectionately, and their eyes had closed as they kissed. Like it was natural! Raiyuki didn't even care that his lip was still bleeding!

"What the fuck…" Inuyasha made to move closer to his roommate, but Kagome caught hold of him and shook her head, whispering. "Don't!"  
"But-"

"We're supposed to be celebrating Bankotsu's sexuality right?"  
Inuyasha nodded, but this situation was so confusing that all he wanted was to make it stop! "Maybe that's one of his exes?" Miroku guessed, leaning in close to whisper to his friends. "Or is he dating that guy?" Inuyasha shook his head. "No, Bankotsu is dating Jakotsu!" Sango sidled over to them, offering her opinion. "Then we should separate them right? Won't it be bad if Jakotsu sees this?"  
"You go separate them then, if it's so easy!" Inuyasha hissed, glaring at her.  
"Sango-Chan is just trying to help!" Kagome snapped, and Miroku nodded along with her. "Yeah, and besides both of them look like they could kick our asses…"

"Oh, this is going to be priceless!" The group turned, scowling at Naraku, who had nosed his way into their gossip circle, looking like Christmas had just come early. "They're so hot together! I hope they start making out!"  
"Ugh!"  
"Shutup Inuyasha! You're such a homophobe!"  
Miroku piped up, inquiring, "Naraku you sound like you know something we don't…"

Naraku clasped his hands together, jumping at the opportunity to spread the gossip.  
"That's Bankotsu's best friend from high school; Hiten Raiyuki. They were the star players on the football team. But word on the street was that they were secretly dating. But then, after the prom, Raiyuki and Bankotsu had a falling out because some of the football players beat Jakotsu up."

"Beat up?"

"Yeah! It was a real bloodbath. It was so bad they had to take him to the hospital to stop him bleeding to death! But no one knows whose fault it really was. We never found out, cuz after that Raiyuki, Bankotsu and Jakotsu all disappeared from the school. That was two whole years ago, but by the looks of it, Bankotsu is only just now seeing Raiyuki again after all that time!"

"So is this a good thing or bad?" Inuyasha finally demanded; exasperated, but Naraku only shrugged his shoulders. "Both, I guess. But like Sango said, I think it's going to be very bad if Jakotsu sees them together. Hiten's hot and all, but I wouldn't want my boyfriend kissing him like that..."

"So what should we do?"

Naraku put a finger to his lips, thinking, and then he hurried off, having made up his mind.  
"I'll just go get Jakotsu!" He practically cackled as he said this, and danced away before Inuyasha could stop him. "No, you idiot!"

"I kind of hate Naraku." Miroku muttered, and the others nodded in complete agreement. "Yeah." "Totally."  
"Now we _have_ to do something," Inuyasha seethed, forcing himself to take another step toward Bankotsu. At least he wasn't kissing Hiten anymore, but it didn't look like they were going to break apart anytime soon.  
The two of them were whispering now. About what, he couldn't tell, but Bankotsu still looked absolutely miserable. The sight of it made Inuyasha feel terrible. What was the deal? Didn't he like his party? Had he forgotten there were other people in the room too?  
Finally he made up his mind, realizing there wasn't enough time to be indecisive.

"Earth to Bankotsu!"  
The shorter, dark-haired man startled. Apparently he really had forgotten about his other friends. Inuyasha marched up to him, seething. "What the fuck, Bankotsu? You said you hated this guy!" He caught hold of his roommate's arm and literally yanked him out of Hiten's embrace. "Cut this shit out!" he scolded, "Jakotsu's here too! What if he saw you like that?"  
Bankotsu struggled, even though he knew Inuyasha was right. He turned back to Hiten, but found him to be occupied; currently being reprimanded, by a stern-looking redheaded woman.

'Is she his lover?'

"Raiyuki-Sama, come on!" The woman was hissing, "We need to leave before this gets worse!"  
"Okay, okay! Just a minute Tekkei!" Hiten freed himself from her hold and hurried back over to Bankotsu, offering him an apologetic bow. "I'll call you or something. I'm sorry, okay? I've wanted to say that since forever!"

"Okay…" His lips were quivering and Bankotsu put a hand to his own aching chest as his best friend took another bow, looking strained. "Also…"  
"What?" Bankotsu prodded, trying to move closer to him, but Inuyasha yanked him back again.

"Just in case I never see you again, I should explain…" Hiten trailed off, looking like he'd rather die than say what he was thinking, but finally Bankotsu caught hold of him and forced those stubborn chocolate eyes to meet his own. "Just say it you stupid-"

"I left because I love you."

"What?"  
Bankotsu startled, but leaned forward absently as Hiten indicated the tattoo on his forehead.  
"Forever," Hiten recalled, "That's what we promised, so it's better if I leave."

"That doesn't make sense."  
He felt a little stupid, just standing there, but Bankotsu had no idea of what else to say to that.  
Vaguely he realized that now even more people were standing around, watching them. Jakotsu had returned with Naraku, but he was frozen, probably too shocked to move.  
"Look," Hiten explained, "this zombie kid once told me, 'just because you love someone doesn't mean you should be with them.' And well, Ban, I've already done a pretty good job of fucking up your life…"

Bankotsu gave his best friend an incredulous look. Hiten was the only person who'd be so blunt as to say something like that… "Think about it," Hiten explained, "It's happening again right now. The second you saw me you totally ditched your friends at the party they threw you!

"I didn't mean to…"

"But you still did it," Hiten sighed, "you haven't changed at all."

"Sorry," Bankotsu shrugged, raising his guilty blue eyes to the amused chocolate ones before him. "I hadn't thought about it like that…"

"But you see it now, right? You and I are too much alike. All instinct and no brain." Hiten was genuinely smiling now; amused by the pure, obvious irony. "Like wild dogs. Put us in the same cage and all we'll do is fight, fuck, or kill each other."

Bankotsu chuckled. He hadn't meant to betray his angry front, but couldn't help it. Now he was reminded just why he'd loved Hiten in the first place. Cocky, addictive honesty… He leaned forward then, reveling in the warmth of Hiten's hands as they caressed his face. "I do love you," he promised, "so I'll leave before I fuck up anything else." The ache in his chest intensified, but Bankotsu focused only on the resolute words of his dearest friend, nodding in affirmation.

"I just want you to be happy."

The tears escaped of their own accord, but Bankotsu couldn't help smiling as Hiten pressed a kiss to the star on his forehead and took one last bow.

"Goodbye."  
It was a simultaneous whisper. Both of them retreated once the words were spoken. Hiten followed that woman out the door and Bankotsu turned back around to offer his friends an apology. "Sorry about that. There were things we had to say…"

Hiten's departure caused a gentle stir in the partygoers. Gradually each of them shook off the shock and confusion. Inuyasha for one, still looked miffed, but apparently the tense air had already begun to clear because someone was laughing. Curious, Bankotsu looked in the direction of this sudden display of mirth. There was a beautiful redheaded man at Jakotsu's side, shaking with laughter, and after a moment Bankotsu recognized him; Midari Suzaku.

Their eyes met and Suzaku put those gleaming red nails to his mouth as if he had to force himself to stop laughing. Now that he looked closer, Bankotsu realized that Suzaku was clinging very tightly Jakotsu. No wonder the pissed-looking cross dresser had been unable to interrupt his and Hiten's conversation. Jakotsu himself looked ready to commit bloody murder, but his best friend just couldn't stop smiling. "Midari-san" Bankotsu offered him a polite nod, which was immediately returned. But before he had a chance to ask what was so funny, Suzaku moved. He broke away from Jakotsu and strode over to Bankotsu, donning festive fox ears and a fluffy red tail. Suzaku stood before Bankotsu with that bright pearly grin, but then he suddenly reached up and brought a hand sharply across his face.

**Smack!**

Stunned, Bankotsu backed away and Inuyasha and Kagome immediately rose to his defense.  
"What was that for?" They demanded, but Suzaku ignored them. He was still smiling and those mischievous green eyes were fixed only on Bankotsu. "For touching_ my_ Hiten."

'Oh so _this_ is Rai-Chan's lover…'

Shocked sapphire eyes met with burning emerald as Bankotsu brought a hand up to his now bleeding cheek. Suzaku had scratched him… He nodded, intending to apologize, but the other man cut across with that twisted laughter. "Save it for Ja-Chan!" Suzaku scoffed, "Oh, and by the way: Congratulations on_ finally _coming out of the closet." With that Midari Suzaku pushed through the crowd and swept right out the door, ignoring the shocked eyes and whispers that followed him.

"Scary." Apparently Naraku was the only one that still had strength enough to speak after that.  
"You've got to have some serious balls to hit Bankotsu…"

"Shaddup!" Inuyasha snapped.  
Kagome sighed, separating the two of them before they started a fight of their own.  
"Alright everyone!" She announced, trying to coax some life back into her party guests, "What're we all standing around for? The king is here! It's party time!"  
Sango hurried over to Bankotsu and placed a large yellow crown on his head. "There's a costume for you too," she offered, "It's a pair with Jakotsu's. He's the queen and you're the king."

Bankotsu beamed, accepting his crown as he regarded his loyal friends. "Thanks, guys…"  
But his heart sank when his eyes fell on his queen. Jakotsu wouldn't even look him in the eye. It seemed he was glaring at the tattoo on his forehead…

_'Save it for Ja-Chan._' Midari Suzaku had warned.

'Guess there are things I need to say to my Aisuru too…'  
He met those angry onyx eyes for just a moment before the crowd of well-wishers was upon him again. "Congratulations!" Most of them cheered. The music had started again, and the party roared back to life without a hitch. "Put on your costume!" The guests insisted.

"Might want to go patch yourself up." Miroku offered, escorting the king to the bathroom.  
Naraku cut across him, reverting back to his old, overenthusiastic self. "I have the perfect concealer to make those scratches disappear!" Bankotsu followed along, but all he could think about were those angry, hurting eyes. 'I'm sorry Aisuru…'

* * *

"Oh my god, what if they break up!"  
Inuyasha shushed his drunk, sleepy girlfriend, who was trying but failing to whisper to the others around them. Miroku rolled over, snuggling into his sleeping bag.  
"Just because Jakotsu ignored him for the whole party doesn't mean-"

"This is all my fault!" Kagome pressed her face miserably into her pillow. "This party was a bad idea…" Sango sighed, handing over a tissue so Kagome could blow her nose. "Don't say that. Everyone had tons of fun."

"Also, we didn't invite Raiyuki. It's Jakotsu's own fault. Raiyuki even tried to leave as soon as he figured out Bankotsu would be here!"

"No!" Kagome practically wailed, "It's all Bankotsu's fault and he's gonna get dumped!"

"It's dumbass Naraku's fault! If he had told us sooner about all that high school drama, I could've kept Bankotsu away from Raiyuki!"

"Hey, I heard that!" Naraku hissed, even though he was obviously more interested in digging through Jakotsu's videogames. "You know I kind of wonder where Jakotsu got this Xbox360… All the save files say 'Alex' on them…"

"Who gives a flip about Xbox?" Inuyasha seethed, trying to find something to throw at him.  
"I do…" Naraku laughed, bragging loudly about the game he'd just found. "Haha, Gay Tony. This one sounds good…"

"Is this the guest bedroom?" Sango wondered, looking around. "Can't believe Jakotsu agreed to let us sleep over…" Kagome nodded, pulling her blanket over her head. "I'm gonna puke…"  
"Keh! Stupid!" Inuyasha snapped, shoving her away, "That's what happens when you drink so much!"

"But I was worried…"

"Is everybody cozy?" They looked up as Jakotsu poked his head in through the beaded curtains to check on his guests. "I'm about to head to bed so you guys have fun…. Wait, we're missing a few people. Did the drama club go home?"

"Nah." Naraku barely tore his eyes from Grand Theft Auto as he replied, "They're probably just out fucking in their cars..."

"Oh… Well what about Suikotsu-no-aniki?"

"He's probably out there with Ren."

"Oh, well make sure they have blankets when they get back in, okay?" Jakotsu sighed, ducking back out. "At least they're not fucking on my carpets…"

"Hey Sango…" Miroku leaned closer to his girlfriend, whispering, "We should go join the drama clu- Ouch!" Naraku snickered, marveling as he moved to reclaim the Xbox from Miroku's head. "Hey look she didn't even mess up my game…"  
"Sango is an expert at thrashing pervs," Inuyasha mumbled, "Didn't you know she's training to be a cop?"

"How can you idiots be playing around at a time like this?" Kagome whined, "Poor Bankotsu could be getting dumped at this very moment!"

Inuyasha rolled his eyes, laying back down beside his distressed girlfriend. "Okay look, there's only two possible things that could happen to Bankotsu tonight, and both of them are wet, messy situations that I want nothing to do with. Okay! It's just too gross!"

Naraku laughed, smiling up at the bloody carnage on the screen. "Messy isn't gross. It can be very fun…" "Or possibly sexy," Miroku dodged Sango's next assault and crawled over to hide behind Inuyasha. "I take that back. Messy is not good…"

* * *

"Quit, you're making a mess!"  
Suzaku giggled, trying not to splash again as he dunked his head back under the water.  
"Wow there's jets under there!" He announced once he'd resurfaced. "I can't believe you got such a big fancy bathtub in your hotel room!"

"I think they call it a Jacuzzi or some shit…"

Suzaku giggled, apparently endlessly amused by the luxurious suite they'd be staying in tonight. Amazingly, this whole Bankotsu incident had only served to lighten Suzaku's mood. He'd chased right out of that party and thrown himself into Hiten's arms with one simple, adorable declaration. 'Mine!'

Hours had passed, but Suzaku had not calmed at all. He was still jacked up on adrenaline. "Ooh, there's booze too!" Hiten rolled his eyes, snatching the champagne from his overly enthusiastic boyfriend. "You can't have that with your meds…"  
"I hate you!" The redhead pouted, but he giggled and blushed anyway when Hiten finally caught hold of him and pulled him in for a kiss. "Midari, you're so full of shit…"

Suzaku tittered, amused by that little blast from the past. "Its kinda hard to believe you ever used to call me by my last name…"

"Yeah, it feels like it's been forever…"  
Hiten lay back, absently watching the steam rise from the bubbles as he contemplated. Suzaku was paddling around in circles like a hyper little puppy. He must have been so relieved for having gotten that messy situation over with. The trouble with Bankotsu was over, but there was still much of his _current_ lover's past that Hiten had yet to address. 'Speaking of Midari…'

Ever since the first time he'd heard the word escape those quivering pink lips, Hiten had begun to wonder about the mysterious 'Oto-San.' He could tell by the misery in Suzaku's voice. There was something there; something forbidden…

"Ne, Su-Chan…"

Those bright emerald eyes looked up with sparkling curiosity. "What?"

"Um…" Hiten thought twice about voicing his question. He hated to ruin the mood, but Suzaku seemed so receptive. Maybe this would be his best chance at getting some answers out of that stubborn, secretive redhead…

Suzaku moved closer, trying to catch his gaze again, but Hiten dodged, still feeling uneasy. The beautiful redhead was already naked, and in a wonderful mood, so looking into those amazing green eyes only made him feel conflicted. He could either take advantage of the mood and atmosphere to seduce his adorable companion, or he could attempt to deepen his understanding of the mysterious, guarded man he so loved.

Maybe a younger, more selfish Hiten would have chosen to jump his lovely Suzaku, but tonight he chose the less pleasant and more meaningful option. There was so much more to Suzaku than looks. That sweet, beautiful body was half concealed by the water, but Hiten could still see many of the thin, silvery scars on that otherwise perfect, pale chest. He had never thought about it before, but most of those scars were years old. Where had Suzaku gotten them? Were they self inflicted? Just another sign of how completely he hated the body that Hiten adored? Why? The reason must have been hidden somewhere in the past, somewhere that Suzaku refused to let Hiten tread. If this past was so terrible then, perhaps it should simply be… erased. 'Midari.' When translated it meant darkness. Obviously Oto-San suited that name much more than the title of father...

"Do you like your last name?"

Suzaku cocked his beautiful head, absently running his fingers through that long, bloodred hair.  
"Hmm… Not really, I guess… It's just something I was born with."

"Well, I mean…" Hiten knew he shouldn't say what he wanted to, but there wasn't much of a choice. One of them had to be willing to broach the subject. "You got that name from your _father_ right?"

Immediately his redheaded angel caught on and froze up and Hiten silently cursed himself. It had never been expressly forbidden, but he knew this was a touchy subject. Suzaku's parents were just not something he was ever supposed to dare speak about…

"Why would you even-" Suzaku stopped abruptly. Suddenly those adorable curious eyes were clouded with dread and misery instead. Hiten could almost feel the barriers springing up between himself and his beloved phoenix. He caught hold of Suzaku and held him close, before he had the chance to back away, but the invisible walls were still strengthening. He wasn't going to admit. He refused to admit. Suzaku was stubborn on a regular basis, but now that trait seemed to multiply. "Don't do this," Hiten practically begged, feeling those hands start to press against his chest. Suzaku wanted to be released. There was something terribly wrong if Suzaku didn't even want to be held. "Please," Hiten insisted, but that gorgeous head shook and Suzaku's eyes screwed shut.

"Don't shut me out Su-Chan." He tried to move closer but Suzaku immediately rebuffed him.

"Just stop!" Finally those quivering lips had said something, but it was so discouraging. Suzaku looked like he might seriously have a melt down, so Hiten leaned gingerly closer and nuzzled against that beautiful, troubled countenance. "I love you…"

Those words were so soothing. Hiten meant well. 'I know, but…' Suzaku shivered still, despite the heat of the water and stopped struggling; forcing himself to just allow Hiten to hold him. He wanted so desperately to be close to Hiten; closer than he'd ever allowed himself to be connected with anyone else, but it was so difficult to tear down the walls he'd built for his own protection.

The mere thought of Oto-San was enough to make Suzaku's heart ache terribly as his stomach twisted up. He wanted to cry or puke, he couldn't even tell which…

"He's dead." Suzaku didn't know if he was speaking to himself or to Hiten, but it didn't matter either way. In his mind he repeated those awful, painful words, wishing so completely that they were not the truth. He thought of that curvy, familiar handwriting and those dried tears on the last letter Kujaku had ever written. _'What good is life, if I will never see my love again?' _Only for Suzaku had he even bothered to leave any kind of will and testament. Yet if not for Suzaku, he would still be living now. "And it's my fault."

Hiten startled, but tried not to let Suzaku notice. His fingers automatically came up to press against the almost healed purple bruises around his neck. "You killed him?"

Suzaku shook his head. "Physically, Oto-San killed himself; suicide" he whispered, "But by that time he was already dead anyway."

"What do you mean?" Hiten hoped this was not a stupid question, but nothing Suzaku was saying made much sense to him. How could Suzaku blame himself after admitting that his father had committed suicide? 'Oh!' "You mean to say you drove him to kill himself?"

Suzaku nodded, but now it seemed he could no longer speak. Hiten had never seen him looking so completely miserable. Those dark green eyes stared down absently, and he knew they saw not the foamy bubbles or the luxurious hot water, but only Kujaku Midari. "Because I loved you instead."

That whisper was almost inaudible, and it didn't help that Suzaku was now refusing to let Hiten look him in the eye. "What?"

The redhead sighed, looking like he'd sooner drop dead than clarify. He was hugging himself, and those red nails were starting to bite into the delicate body he hated so much. "Remember when," Suzaku offered, "you thought I fucked with Ja-Chan? Remember how that felt?"

Hiten did not even have to think. Just the mention of that caused stomach-turning anxiety and anger to immediately well up inside of him. "Yes…"

"Well imagine feeling that way every single day, year after year…"

"What do you mean?"

Suzaku smiled wryly at his clueless companion. Hiten was so lucky. He'd probably been one of those boys that went outside and threw footballs with his dad. His family must have been the kind that went fishing together every summer and caroling every winter… For once Hiten was the naïve one. Undoubtedly those curious milk chocolate eyes would fill with disgust when they finally caught on...

'Oto-San wanted to be my lover. He was jealous of you.' Suzaku tried to swallow the frog in his throat, willing himself to just say it, but could not. 'I'll show him instead.'  
Suzaku put a hand to that handsome, flawless face and met those coffee-filled eyes, gathering all the courage he could muster. "You know," he whispered, running his fingers through that dark, almost black hair as he mimicked Oto-San. "You were always prettier than your mother."

That did it. Hiten failed spectacularly at stifling the retching sound that forced itself from the back of his throat, and just barely managed to stop himself shoving Suzaku away. The redhead only smiled wryly; completely unsurprised, and Hiten was immediately ashamed for having reacted exactly as predicted. His hurt-looking lover backed off, but he moved swiftly to catch him. "Wait, wait, I'm sorry."

Suzaku didn't struggle, but didn't bother turning to face him again. "It's okay," he sighed, "I feel that way too. Always knew how disgusting I am…"

"No you're not!" Hiten insisted, even though his body was screaming the exact opposite. 'This is what I get for making Suzaku tell me.' The poor thing had tried so hard to just never admit it, but Hiten had insisted, so this was his comeuppance. His brain couldn't even fathom the emotions Suzaku must have been feeling at that moment; shame, disgust, and volumes of self hatred… "I still love you." He'd said that automatically, hoping to create a rift in those negative, miserable emotions. Instinctively he pulled Suzaku back to himself and held him close, even while his stomach turned again.

Oh, this beautiful, perfect body... He'd never suspected many other men had ever had the privilege to even look at it. But it only took that _one _to make his mind scream and his heart twist up. Disgusting. The buried, dirty past was finally resurfacing; dead bodies tossed into a lake. Exactly what had Oto-San done to Suzaku? Had he truly been allowed to touch someone so pure and perfect?

'It can't be,' he willed himself to believe that as he held Suzaku's slightly shivering, naked body as close as he could. 'Suzaku is mine.' he wanted so desperately to believe that. Every slippery curve and soft, supple inch of pale, slightly flushed skin… 'Mine, mine.' Hiten buried his face into that sweet-smelling neck, thankful for the darkness brought on by that dark red hair. Hopefully Suzaku hadn't noticed the burning tears in his eyes…

'Only mine.'

He knew it couldn't be true but allowed his mind to repeat those words, or else he might seriously puke. Maybe he was holding Suzaku too tightly. Surely his fingers would leave bruises on that pale, sensitive skin, but somehow Hiten couldn't force himself to care.

'Please say you didn't have sex with him.' Oh, he wanted so badly to beg that. He wanted to fling himself back into the past and kick Kujaku's ass. Or at least meet Suzaku sooner, to protect him. He could not even fathom how Suzaku had put up with something like that. Why would anyone remain in such a terrible, abusive situation? Young or not, Hiten knew he'd never have sat still for something like that. He had always been so much stronger; anything but a victim. Hiten remembered that quiet little redhead on the back row and wished desperately that he had just turned around and noticed him. Those sad, pleading green eyes and silent, stubborn lips. _'He can see but not touch the one he loves.'_ How could anyone have been so oblivious to an angel with broken wings?

"I still love you," he whispered again, feeling terrible for the miserable sobs that now shook that delicate body. And lucky for Oto-San he'd already killed himself before they'd had the chance to meet… There was not time enough for tears. One of them had to be strong now. "No matter what," he assured, "soon none of that will matter. It can just be you and me."

Yes, Hiten could make that happen, he had to somehow erase Suzaku's terrible past.

"Shh…"

Suzaku let Hiten hold him close, too terrified to believe his words. He wanted to embrace the future and let a little of that powerful confidence move him, but still there was that part of him that wondered over how things _could_ have been. How he could have stopped breaking Kujaku's heart; could have learned to love him back and saved his life... Would he have had someone else's powerful arms holding him now? Or would his father have finally gotten the help he so desperately needed? 'I should've told someone. Anyone.' If only he hadn't been so blind. He should have seen it coming on the day Kujaku had cried himself to sleep in his arms…

"It's not your fault," Hiten whispered, seeming to read his mind. "If you didn't pull the trigger."

Suzaku nodded, remembering the hours he'd spent in therapy, ignoring the many counselors who'd told him the very same thing. Somehow Hiten's saying it meant so much more.  
"After what he did to me…" Suzaku absently fingered his many fading scars, feeling that familiar sense of shame. "I know I shouldn't even care. But I can't help it." He knew it was pathetic to have loved Kujaku so completely. It was the source of his most deep-seated shame. Inside he'd always been like this; crying for the same man that destroyed his... everything.

"But Su-Chan…" Hiten thought over each word with care, "Thank you for telling me the truth." he offered "Must have been hard as fuck…" He held his lover close and allowed a calming silence to fall between them. He didn't dare to ask for any further explanations. Hopefully this much was all he would need to know. He probably wouldn't even be able to stomach being told the exact details. To imagine that anyone could hurt Suzaku so badly was unthinkable. He himself had injured Suzaku more than once, but nothing he'd done had left scars this bad. The physical damage was only on the outside. The blood had dried and the wounds would heal up. The words and the gentle affirmation were already working wonders on whatever emotional damage might have been done, but there were countless older wounds that Hiten could neither see nor hope to understand. The ones from Suzaku's past were out of his hands, though they still affected his life...

"No matter what," he repeated, meeting those doubtful green eyes, "I'll be here for you…"  
That gentle, suffering creature had struggled so hard just to ensure Hiten would have the luxury of ignorance. The truth was just too terrible to admit; too painful. But now that he knew more he felt empowered. Maybe, just maybe there was hope for at least aiding Suzaku on his road to recovery. At least Hiten could be beside him and support him, even if he didn't understand the true cause of his suffering.

"Suzaku Natsu Midari." He whispered, recalling Suzaku's full name in its native language before translating it himself. "The eternal phoenix. The joy-filled warmth of summer, and finally… convoluted darkness; impurity."

"I know it doesn't make sense," Suzaku sighed, "Oto-San is to blame for that as well. He chose my full name."

"But it does make sense. I think it's perfect, except for the last name. They're all beautiful names, so I can't help but think that your Oto-san must have really cared about you, even if he did fuck up..."

Suzaku didn't say anything to that, but Hiten could tell he agreed. It was easy to read from the sadness in those beautiful green eyes. Suzaku loved his father, and his father loved him…

The redhead nuzzled against Hiten, perhaps trying to relax himself. Maybe he was opening up a bit more after all. The relief this hope brought was exhilarating; like watching a butterfly emerge from it's thick, ugly cocoon… What kind of strength must that take? Hiten could scarcely imagine, but it still amazed him to no end and he wished Suzaku could feel that too. "Thank you, Su-Chan." He pressed a kiss to that sweet-scented neck, letting the calm warmth of his affection wash over both of them, like the gentle lap of the heated water they were soaking in. "For being honest with me. It means a lot…"

"I'm trying." The redhead mumbled, snuggling closer. Again Hiten got the feeling he wanted their bodies to just melt together. Suzaku always, always gave him this sensation. As if they belonged joined together. This was why he'd known to get the phoenix tattoo. He gently broke away from their embrace, knowing it would upset the redhead, but he too wanted to take a turn being honest. For the first time he spun around and let Suzaku get a well-lit, proper look at his tattoo; the breathtaking depiction of himself on Hiten's back.

"See? Tattoos are like promises. We're together forever…"

Suzaku didn't say anything but his timid fingers did gently press against Hiten's heated skin. Maybe he was speechless, or maybe he was just too scared to say what he wanted to.

'Suzaku; the eternal, ethereal phoenix.'

Green eyes met with the smaller, matching curves of the phoenix's eyes. How could anything this beautiful possibly be used to represent himself? This bird rose up, triumphantly through the flames; regal and proud. Suzaku felt he had nothing in common with it, but at the same time his heart fluttered in his chest. 'This is Hiten's view of me?' It was simply breathtaking; impossible to comprehend. Suzaku himself could stare at the mirror all day and never see more than the scared, tainted little child his Oto-San had pinned down and abused. How could that same person look so different when viewed from foul, chocolate-coated eyes? Suddenly Suzaku found himself wishing that somehow, someday, he really could begin to see that in himself.  
If only he could share Hiten's view for even a moment. If only he too could peer through the eyes of someone who could actually love the emotional wreck otherwise known as Midari Suzaku. Now, more than ever, he wished he could truly be one with Hiten…

'I wish we really could stay together forever.' But wishes were just that, unfulfilled dreams. No wish in the world would make it possible for two _men_ to have any kind of 'happily ever after.' They did not even have the right to get married, and even if they did, Hiten would never consent to anything so 'lame.'

'I wish that really was possible.' But Suzaku didn't even have the courage to say that out loud…

'I don't want to be myself anymore. I want to be part of my Hiten…' And for the umpteenth time Suzaku found himself wishing he had not been born so infuriatingly male. How nice it would be if he really were Hiten's 'wife.' He'd even have the chance to get rid of his last name and adopt Hiten's instead!  
Suzaku let out a sigh, resting against the body he really wished could meld with his own.

However, things seemed to be looking up. Hiten had purposely taken the initiative to get to know him better! 'Ja-Chan would be proud.' This was so much more than physical attraction. Surely Hiten felt this same burning desire; to not just hold, but become one with the one he loved...

And wasn't that what marriage was all about?

"Oh, I love you, Hiten…"

* * *

"Don't even touch me. You probably taste like Hiten..."

"But Aisuru-"

"I said quit!"

"You don't mean it, Aisuru…" Bankotsu pinned his stubborn boyfriend down, smiling as he recognized the pink tinge on the flustered cross dresser's face. "You like it." He pressed a dozen kisses to his blushing, struggling companion, the last of which he placed on those cherry-red, pouting lips.

"I love you."

"Kiss my ass." Jakotsu fumed, trying again to free himself from the stronger man's hold. "You can't just seduce me into forgiving you this time." He took a swipe at Bankotsu and caused his golden crown to clatter to the floor, but Bankotsu only sighed, declaring that he was still the king. "Like Naraku said, you are the queen of queers, but I am the king so you should listen to me, Aisuru."

"Like hell I should!" Jakotsu finally broke free, standing up so that he could rip the long white dress off of himself. "High school's over Mr. Prom King, football star!"

"Yeah, finally…" Bankotsu sighed absently. He sat up then, meeting those hurt-filled dark grey eyes and shrugged himself out of his royal velvet cape. "Okay fine, I'm not a king, but I hope you will still be my queen."

"Not likely."

"Please don't say that Aisuru..."

Jakotsu only scoffed, but Bankotsu persisted, deciding it was about time to have a serious talk with him. He worked his way out of the rest of his costume, laying himself literally bare before his equally nude companion. Even with the dim light he could still see the purplish puncture wounds on Jakotsu's neck. Bankotsu had purposely avoided mentioning them earlier, but now Jakotsu noticed him looking. "Blue balls, you said. But I knew it was too good to be true…"

"So dump me then, since I'm such a lying cheater." Jakotsu brought a hand up and set it firmly over the marks and despite his attempts to stop it, the guilt began to mingle with the fury and hurt in those watery onyx eyes. Why did he bother? He knew Bankotsu could read into him…

"I could never do that..."

The younger male sighed as he moved forward to offer Jakotsu a hug. For a moment he kept up his guarded distance, but finally that beautiful body conceded and allowed a tentative embrace.  
"I love you," Bankotsu whispered, pulling him close. "I'd forgive you anything, you know that."

"Don't bother," Jakotsu scoffed. He wasn't sure if he was feeling this disgust toward Bankotsu or toward his own, despicable self. "We're even now. It was Hiten I fucked with last night…"

If Bankotsu was shocked, he played it off very well. He even managed to keep the hurt in his voice to a minimum as he replied. "I see."

"I know it was stupid to do it, but…" Jakotsu had to pause. "I had to know."

"Know what?"

"What he felt like," he sighed, "figured he must've been pretty amazing to make _you _cheat…"

"It's not like that."

"Oh, spare me." Jakotsu scoffed, and luckily his companion was not foolish enough to argue further. "He's…" Jakotsu chose his words carefully before continuing, "exhilarating. Kind of like you." For a moment he just held Bankotsu close, in awe of just how alike he and Hiten's body type really was. If he'd wanted to, he could have easily just closed his eyes and pretended either one was the other. They were such a perfect match. Now that he'd been in both their arms, he could see better than ever, just how exhilarating their love relationship must have been. No wonder Bankotsu had been too terrified to even mention Hiten to his Aisuru. Jakotsu would have picked up on the sexual chemistry in a heartbeat… "Now I understand why you loved him behind my back. Not like I could ever measure up to someone like that anyway…"

"Don't say that Aisur-"

"It's true."  
That's right. Hiten was powerful, wealthy and handsome. He had so much raw strength with that amazing athletic build and gently-tanned, caramel-colored skin. Jakotsu could imagine what sex between them must have been like. He could hardly blame Bankotsu if he really did prefer a partner like that. Hiten was a real man, much unlike the overly effeminate cross dresser. Everything Jakotsu lacked, Hiten had. Money, power, and handsome, masculine features. Hiten came from a happy, wealthy family, shared a love for sports, and was even free of the emotional baggage. He was healthy both physically and emotionally. He could be polite, sociable and even brutally honest; depending on whatever was demanded of him. He could fuck for hours on end and then still find the time to cuddle and offer a back massage afterward. Worst of all however, was the fact that Hiten was so completely… male. That man would probably die before he so much as touched a tube of lipstick. And of course, the mere thought of dressing in any kind of feminine clothing would make him want to puke.

Hiten was comfortable in his own skin and with his own sexuality; the total opposite of a gender-confused, cross-dresser… 'Wish i could be half the man Hiten is.' But Jakotsu still felt disgusted just imagining himself with those abs and masculine features. He wanted to be pretty, like Suzaku. 'But Bankotsu doesn't like pretty boys.' That's right, Bankotsu and Suzaku were polar opposites and seemed to just naturally detest one another. Never had Jakotsu known Bankotsu to show any serious interest in building a true, loving relationship with a woman. So it made sense that he would prefer a masculine, handsome partner. And that newfound knowledge made Jakotsu feel very small; beyond inadequate.

"He's a…" it was so hard to admit. Jakotsu hated Hiten for ever having touched Bankotsu. For ever having given him a taste of what it was like to be with an ideal, masculine partner. "A..." he wanted to say 'douche bag' or at least 'jackass,' but in his heart, even he admitted to finding Hiten irresistibly attractive. "A real man."

"Don't say that Aisuru."

"But you know it's true. He's your perfect type. You can't even stay mad at him. It's not like that with us…"

The sadness in those words tugged painfully on Bankotsu's heartstrings. This was precisely why he hadn't wanted Jakotsu and Hiten to meet. Admittedly, he could not quite explain how he had become attracted to two men who were so very different. He'd assumed he didn't really have a 'type,' or any specific preference in a sexual partner. But if he did, Hiten was definitely it. Oh why did Jakotsu have to be so intune with the affairs of sexual chemistry? Why couldn't he be bad at it like in real chemistry and math classes?

"But what about love? Doesn't that matter more than sex?" Jakotsu only scoffed, trying to pull away from him again. He had those beautiful arms crossed tightly in front of his chest; guarded. But Bankotsu could tell that on the inside he was ashamed of just how vulnerable he felt.

"You know I love you Aisur-"

"Why do you even bother to call me that?" Jakotsu suddenly interrupted. "Secret lover is what it means right? You should call _him_ that then."

"It wasn't like that. Hiten and I were only ever together because we were so lonely…"

"Whatever."

"No, really. Remember? You were gone for almost three years after your mom killed your dad. And even before that we still never had any time to be toget-"

"So you're saying it's my fault?"

"No!"

"That was your fucking fault you coward! If you hadn't been so ashamed to be with me and-" Whatever else Jakotsu wanted to yell in response was cut off. Apparently he couldn't hold back any longer. Those lovely red lips parted but then he only choked on a sob. 'My Bankotsu is just like everyone else. Everyone hates trannies... even worse than fags.'

Suddenly he thought back on his last disastrous day of highschool and realized that Hiten had done him a favor afterall. If only he'd been smart enough to break it off with Bankotsu way back then. He remembered the pain and loneliness in those blue eyes, the hurt he did not even understand. Bankotsu had not even been there to comfort him while he stayed in the hospital. 'Because he was off looking for Hiten, I'm sure.' Or else trying to move on with his life after having his heart broken when Hiten just up and left for America.

"Is that why you told me to go on to college in Kyoto? So you could patch things up with him?"

"No-"

"Then why were you pissed at him for leaving the country?"

"I just wanted..." Bankotsu trailed off, apparently having thought better about honestly finishing that sentence.

"Just wanted to make up with him after he tried to _kill _me. Right?"

"But it might not have been him. And he was my best friend and-"

"Really hot and really good in bed. Blah, blah, blah. You sound like fucking Su-Chan," Jakotsu spat, "who, by the way, Hiten likes more than you."

Immediately Bankotsu's face fell, and despite himself, Jakotsu felt bad for having said that. He wanted to be angry. Oh, how badly he wanted to just slap Bankotsu. Suzaku had been smart enough to do it without thinking first. Suzaku had always been smarter, just as Hiten had always been more handsome. How was it that only Jakotsu failed to measure up? He was nothing, just like Midari Kujaku had said. Some nobody cross-dresser without even a family to go home to. Who would even notice if he just disappeared? No one but Bankotsu; the one who only loved him. Or so he'd thought.

He'd even been so foolish as to drop out of college to move closer so they could be together. Love was all that mattered, that's what he'd told himself. How stupid, when he wasn't even the only one Bankotsu desired… "It's stupid," Jakotsu admitted, feeling absolutely wretched.

"but I just really thought I was… someone special for once, you know?"

"But you are-"

Jakotsu just shoved those affectionate hands away, backing off. "Silly me."  
He turned around, not wanting to look into those amazing blue eyes anymore. Those eyes… The ones he thought treasured only him. Nothing seemed real anymore. Every word Bankotsu said could have just been a lie. Every kiss was just a farce, fake affection that he turned right around and showered Hiten with…

"What a joke." Jakotsu had to try very hard to avoid choking on his words, "We were both cheating on each other anyway. What was the fucking point?"

Bankotsu stepped closer again but Jakotsu backed off. "Just quit. I saw the way you looked at him. How you hold him, just like you used to hold me. It's nothing special; a two for one deal at walmart."

"That's not true Aisuru."

"Yes it is. And I don't even know why we're even talking about this," Jakotsu scoffed, "We are so over. Whatever we had is long-since fucked over. Since you already fucked him. Even went and sang my song to lull him to sleep at night, huh? How sweet."

"That's not true!" Bankotsu insisted, following even as Jakotsu wandered to the closet and began getting dressed, "Hiten taught me that song. Don't you get it? I left him for you!"

"Whatever, _Ban._" Jakotsu spat. He muttered something else, but it was lost to the muffling of the shirt he pulled on over his head. "If you're not leaving, I am."

"You are being completely unfair!" Bankotsu asserted, he interrupted before Jakotsu could get his skirt on over those perfect hips. "You slept with plenty of other people and I never left you!"

"Because you knew I didn't love them."

"Yes you did! You loved Suzaku enough to run off to America and ignore me for four weeks!"

"We had this fight already, before I even left." Jakotsu scoffed, yanking his hand back to himself so he could tie up his skirt. "I promised I wouldn't fuck with Suzaku and guess what? I didn't."

"Well I didn't fuck Hiten, I only loved him!" Bankotsu insisted, cutting him off before Jakotsu could reach the door. "Don't do this…"

The misery in his voice froze Jakotsu in his tracks. Bankotsu looked ready to cry. "It's not fair," he whispered, gingerly catching hold of his lover's shirt as he begged. "Aisuru please don't leave. Please..."

He'd always been shorter, but never had Jakotsu seen his young lover looking so vulnerable. He was not even dressed. Those huge, terrified eyes seemed to mimic the misery in Jakotsu's own heart…

"All this time you were lying to me."

"No! You're the one I wanted! It was just really terrible timing. Hiten came onto me right after we broke up and I was lonely and miserable and I needed- just needed someone to be with me." Bankotsu's voice was quivering, "But then you finally came back and it was too late to just take back everything i said to him! It was terrible of me to lead you both on. I know but I didn't want to break his heart... And then you got hurt and I used that as an excuse to break it off."

"That's disg-"

"I know I was wrong okay? I'm sorry! Don't punish me now when I've been regretting it for years!" He wrapped his arms around that thin, beautiful body; too terrified to let go, even though he knew Jakotsu was strong enough to break free. "Please Aisuru. You saw it today. Me and Hiten only said goodbye. I don't want him. I want you!"

Jakotsu sighed as he returned that tight, insistent embrace. He was so tall that his tears fell into Bankotsu's sleek blue hair instead of onto his shoulder. How pathetic, that he wanted so badly to just give in and feel those lips on his again… Oh, how he'd missed these arms and this warmth… Now he understood just why Hiten had left for America. Without at least an ocean to stand in the way, there was nothing that could stop desire like this; no way to forget this feeling of irresistible comfort.

Bankotsu embodied two things at once: the draw of undeniable desire yet the repulsion of unforgivable betrayal. "You're the one I need," he whispered, again and again, "the one I love. The only, only one…" The pain these words caused was like nothing Jakotsu had ever experienced. He'd always purposely fucked around with people he didn't care about. That way they could never betray him. None had the power to break his heart, except for stupid, treacherous Bankotsu, who he'd so foolishly trusted…

"Yeah right," Jakotsu scoffed, trying again to shove him away, "you loved him too."

"Not like this…"

There was nothing to say to that. Jakotsu wanted so dearly to believe those words and felt that perhaps he should. He couldn't stop thinking about that rhyme from Hiten's story. 'Why not chase?' Bankotsu was still chasing, even after all these years. It seemed he still wanted his Aisuru, even after experiencing love from someone as amazing as Hiten. Even after so much pain and suffering.…

And the more Jakotsu thought of it, the more he realized that he and Bankotsu were equally to blame. They were so similar. Both had foolishly tumbled into bed with their best friends, both felt so much pain just from loving one another but both, above all, desired each other…

Bankotsu's gentle hands held him tenderly now, finally. The desperation seemed to be dying down and his sobs shook less. "Please don't go…"

Jakotsu waited in silence for a moment as his fingers thoughtfully traced the scars stretched across his lover's pale skin. 'Faggot ne?' Two years ago, this injury had been enough to drive them apart. Bankotsu wanted so badly to protect his love from the bias and hatred of society that he'd forced a separation, yet Jakotsu had not even remained at that college through half the curriculum, so strong was his desire to return home to his Aisuru. Perhaps it was high time they both agreed to just stop running.

"I'll be better, I promise," Bankotsu swore. His reddened eyes shone with gentle sincerity.  
"Things can be different now. We can be together. No more secrets. I'll tell the whole world if I need to, that you're the only one I want…"

Perhaps there was still hope. He had to be strong enough. Jakotsu needed his sincerity now more than ever. And wasn't that the point of this 'coming out' party anyway? To introduce the very new concept of being honest and proud to be who he was? Proud to love who he loved? It was no longer Bankotsu and his secret lover against the world. They had friends now; a support group. Maybe, just maybe Bankotsu could finally learn to be okay with his most shameful secret; that he really did love that queer, gender-confused cross-dresser. What was in a name anyway? Just like that stupid literature class and Shakespeare or whatever. He still loved who he loved. Faggot or tranny or whatever society might call him, he was still just Jakotsu and he still meant more to Bankotsu than anyone else.

'Faggot.' It was written across Jakotsu's stomach and at the same time invisibly etched into Bankotsu's heart. They were two in one; perfectly matched halves. "We belong together, Aisuru. Even if people say we're weird or faggots or whatever."

Jakotsu startled. It was the first time he'd heard Bankotsu say that word. In fact, his lover never even liked to use 'gay' or 'homosexual.' He'd always dodged labels and denied the truth. Stunned grey eyes met with calm blue and Bankotsu chanced a gentle kiss before speaking again. "From now on, I want us to be okay… with just being who we are; a couple of fags that fell in love way back when, and never managed to fall back out."

"You don't mean it."  
Jakotsu turned away but Bankotsu caught him before he could move and pulled him securely to himself. "Yes I do. I'll find some way to prove it, because really… I don't have a choice. I need you." That's right. After all of the secrets, lies and even other guys, all Bankotsu felt he had to live for was this strange cross dresser that he just couldn't quit loving. "All we have is each other."

"No, _you_ have plenty," Jakotsu informed, "college, friends, and even family…"

"Then I'll give that up." Bankotsu immediately decided. "Just for you. I can give up anything for you. We'll go to America too if you like. Or France, China… It doesn't matter to me."

Jakotsu could not speak. His precious Aisuru only kissed him more, showering affection and promises his eyes swore he'd never break… "All I want is you."  
Bankotsu pressed a kiss to each of the letters on his lover's stomach, trying not to listen to the miserable way his queen was breathing. Those pale, thin fingers shook as he took his hands into his own, kissing each digit as he settled himself on his knees before his taller, gorgeous lover. "I swear, I'll show you how special you are. You wont be alone anymore. Never again. You've had to suffer so much, just for being what you are. Just for feeling how you felt about me…"

'I want so badly to believe him...'

Jakotsu knelt as well, trying very hard not to cry as he leaned in closer. It was a little bit cold, but the plush carpeting was soft on their knees and every inch of their joined bodies radiated glowing warmth.

Bankotsu whispered, smiling up at him. "If you'll forgive me again, for the hundredth time over,  
I promise to make things right."  
Those watery onyx eyes bore into his, begging despite their disbelief. "No more hiding?"  
"And no more lies."  
"Just us two?"  
"That's up to you…"

"Prove it."

"I will."

"…How?"


	36. SpringTime

disclaimer

I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, Suzaku, Hiten or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.

I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.

I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.

- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

* * *

(AN: While writing this chapter, I came to realize that none of the main characters bothered getting out of bed. Right around page say... 15? Found myself mumbling "Okay, so they're STILL in bed?" So then I had to go back and make some adjustments! XD Then when it was complete I stopped and wondered "okay so they're still naked?" So I went back again, thought about changing that and then... just decided to leave it. :P

It suits the title so whatever! There 's a reason new babies are born in the spring you know!

Ah... Springtime; warm sunlight and newfound love. Baby chicks peeping and new flowers blossoming; alive and renewed with the twittering songs of returning redbirds...

The beginning doesn't quite fit that theme because it was a request I just HAD to fulfill! :P  
Warning: Forced sex w/ multiple partners. But if you've read this far you've seen worse anyway. XD

Now, if you please, go and enjoy this strange cocktail of scene changes and constant nudity. Thanks!

* * *

**Not For All the World  
**

**Chapter Thirty-Six: ****Springtime**

* * *

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because you deserve it."

It was dark and silent, apart from the sound of clinking handcuffs. His head was pounding, possibly bleeding, and Bankotsu was still very drunk, but was alert enough to realize this situation for the danger it held. He'd underestimated his begrudged companion and foolishly allowed himself be lured into this empty room. Promises of Hiten's amiable company were now revealed to be a lie. His captor had only used it to lure him away from the rest of the partygoers. Now he lay on the ground, feeling metal biting into his wrists as he tried fruitlessly to wrench his hands free of the bedpost they'd been handcuffed to.

"Don't waste my time," his captor scoffed, sounding almost bored. Now a sleek leather belt was wound around his neck and pulled tight. "Behave," that cruel voice instructed, "and I won't have to hurt you." But just as he said this the belt tightened and Bankotsu choked, unable to get his hands near enough to free his neck. "An appetizer," his sadistic captor explained, "be a good boy and you won't feel this again."

The terrifying, pleading darkness seemed to be moving closer. Bankotsu's first instinct was to thrash about like a fish out of water, but he forced himself to be still, hoping this would better sate his master. And he was correct. "Good boy." The low, unfamiliar voice showered him with fake praise and the belt was loosened, allowing for a much-needed gasp of precious, life-giving oxygen.

Now the real fear settled in. Cold, unfamiliar hands tugged at his pants, working the ties loose as the praise continued. "Let's see that good behavior again, ne?"

"No…" Bankotsu practically begged. He sounded ready to cry, but his captor didn't seem to care. "What was that? Do you need another taste of this belt?"

"No…"

"Very good."

The tears stung his eyes, much like the pressure between his legs, but this time Bankotsu didn't dare voice his refusal. The leather still bit into his neck, ready and waiting to tighten and cut off his ability to breathe. Thoughtless fingers probed him roughly, testing the waters and spelling out the abuse that was still to come. "Please…" He found himself begging, "Don't do this."

"Why not?" Those fingers were only shoved deeper. "This is what you did to him, afterall. I'm merely returning the favor."

"No I didn't!"

"Oh, spare me." His captor spat out of pure disdain, but Bankotsu was thankful for every merciful drop of lubrication. The searing pain between his legs only grew more intense. Those fingers parted, trying to stretch the tight entrance as far as possible to limit the pain their master would feel when he chose to force the real penetration.

"Don't. Please…" Bankotsu couldn't even stop his body from shivering in disgusting anticipation. His captor, cruel or not, was very beautiful. Long, feminine fingers stroked languidly between his legs, teasing his treacherously stiffened manhood. "Such a good little whore," came the next taunting whisper. "Let's see if you can take cock half as well…"

"Don't, don't… Oh… fuck. that. Hurts." For all the teeth gnashing and painful hissing, Bankotsu took the next step with little resistance. The lithe, catlike body above his moved with surprisingly smooth finesse. Pale, supple flesh sank deeper until fully sheathed, only to be forced back out and the motions repeated.

"Like that?"

"No."

"Liar." That erotic hiss just dripped with amusement. "Take it," he whispered, forcing ever deeper and harder, but unbeknownst to him, dark chocolate-colored eyes observed from only a few feet away.

Hiten stood frozen, having found himself unable to disturb the two who writhed in both pleasure and pain; moaning as their entangled bodies thrashed about on the ground. At first he thought his eyes deceived him, but there was no mistaking that voice. Not to mention the long, flowing red hair. 'My Su-Chan is… fucking my Ban?' He wanted to be angry, but found himself wrestling between both fury and intense arousal.

Even Bankotsu was already dripping with precum, and he didn't even appreciate how rare it was to catch Suzaku being dominant. That precious porcelain rod slammed into those thick caramel hips again and again. Oh, delicious, erotic perfection! Those baby blues screwed shut in either pain or pleasure, Hiten couldn't tell, but the redhead continued; grinding his vengeance only harder. "I always hated you," Suzaku hissed, speaking between thrusts, "you fucking fake-ass, lying son of a-"

"Hypocrite." That redhead froze immediately, realizing too late to dodge Hiten's arms. But he pulled that heated body into a firm embrace and sank his teeth into that sweet-scented neck, unable to stop his hands wandering those smooth, slightly wet curves. Immediately Suzaku melted back into the familiar, submissive little angel Hiten knew so well. He didn't even resist. It was so easy to bend him over and force those perfect legs apart. Now only Hiten controlled the rhythm. Suzaku let him guide so that each thrust forced the redhead down, deeper inside of Bankotsu. Oh, those hot, pleading gasps. Bankotsu and Suzaku moaned intermittently with their sweet pleasure-filled voices dancing together; an erotic duet. The tight, delicious heat coaxed, demanding his immediate orgasm, but unfortunately Hiten chose that exact moment…

To wake up.  
-

* * *

"Hiten?"

Suzaku looked around the unfamiliar hotel suite, annoyed at being woken so early in the morning. Hiten was nowhere to be found, but unfortunately his annoying, vibrating cellphone was. "Afterparty just ended! Where were you? Call me when you wake up." he read aloud. 'From Tekkei 4:35am.'

That stupid woman. He hadn't meant to, but immediately tossed the cellphone aside, grimacing when it hit the wall with a foreboding clattering sound. "Oops…"

Pushing the heavy comforters aside, Suzaku sat up on the bed, annoyed that Hiten had once again managed to sneak off without waking him. 'Maybe he's just brushing his teeth?' It certainly sounded like there was someone in the bathroom…

"Shit!" Hiten cursed his life as he climbed out of his cold shower. Unfortunately he had not been able to find any other method of calming his raging erection. Shivering still, he yanked one of the towels his way and only wound up cursing again as he accidentally knocked Suzaku's purse from the bathroom counter.

The little pink bag tumbled to the floor, sending cosmetics and other such nonsense rolling around everywhere. "What the fuck…" Hiten growled, raising an eyebrow as he bent down to retrieve the seventh tube of lipstick "this shit's for women."

'Red?' Yuck. Suzaku's precious pink lips were way too good for this shit. Hiten checked to ensure the door was locked and then promptly tossed each tube into the trash. Only the clear, watermelon-scented lipgloss made it past his inspection. 'Su-Chan always tastes like fruits anyway…'

"And what the hell is this?" He popped open the little bottle of clear liquid and sniffed it, immediately recognizing the scent of strawberries. 'Oh, it's that scented lube Ja-Chan couldn't take on the plane.' He rubbed a little of it between his fingers, noticing that it heated up and smelled very nice, like fresh strawberry pancakes. 'Sweet,' he decided, replacing the little pink bag on the bathroom counter but keeping the lube for himself. Maybe if he set it on the bedside table Su-Chan would be tempted to play with it…

He quietly made to sneak back into the bedroom, but it seemed Suzaku was already awake. "Sorry if I woke you," Hiten whispered, suddenly embarrassed. He hadn't even thought to get dressed. His redheaded lover sat in the exact center of that luxurious Hotel bed, wearing nothing more than a thin white sheet: an angel lounging on a blanket of clouds…

"You didn't." Suzaku replied absently, trying not to be too obvious about checking him out. Vaguely he wondered why Hiten had woken and showered so early. And how come he had not braided his hair since they'd arrived in Japan? Did he know how nice it looked, hanging so smoothly against his handsome, well-toned body?

The redhead automatically crawled closer to accept a kiss and those sharp green eyes also noticed the little bottle he still held. "What's that?" he wondered aloud, speaking between the affectionate nips. He loved how Hiten was so like a cat; his first instinct was to pounce…

"It's that lube you got from Ja-Chan." Hiten answered, almost as an afterthought as he coaxed the delectable redhead onto his back. Suzaku was so perfect in bed. He took submissive positions like this without even thinking. Deeper kisses always caused him to lean further back, and when Hiten took his place atop his adorable lover, Suzaku moved automatically to present those perfect hips. 'You belong inside of me,' this motion reminded, and so it was nearly impossible to refuse. Nevermind the fact that Suzaku was already undressed…

"Want to fuck, Su-Chan?"

"But it's so early…"

Hiten ignored the feeble protests of those delectable wet lips, absently wondering why he'd bothered to ask. "So what?"

"And I haven't taken a bath yet…"

"Good," was Hiten's immediate reply, "won't have to worry about making a mess."  
He popped that strawberry lube right back open and watched the shimmering liquid drip onto Suzaku's already stiffening erection. The redhead startled, obviously surprised that Hiten had not opted to coat himself instead. "What Su-Chan? Don't tell me you've never had lube on yours…"

"Um…"

'How cute.' Suzaku blushed furiously and even gasped when Hiten took his now sopping wet, sweet-scented prize in both hands, eliciting further embarrassing sounds from those adorable pink lips. "Don't tell me I was right," he teased.

"Why would I ever need-" Suzaku had to pause to bite back a moan "to put it there?"

"Oh, I get it!" Hiten snickered, "you've never fucked anyone before…"

"Of course I haven't!" the redhead snapped, failing in his attempt to look miffed. He was much too adorable to be taken seriously.

"You've never even been with a woman?" Hiten couldn't help but wonder, and Suzaku shook his head. "Wow…" Now he wondered if anyone but himself had even had the pleasure of touching Suzaku like this. His timid companion certainly reacted just like a virgin…

"Su-Chan…" Oh, it was too embarrassing to even voice what he was contemplating now. Hiten toyed with his very sensitive companion, watching those beautiful, lust-filled eyes resist the urge to screw shut. He just couldn't get the sexy, dominant dream-version of his lover out of his head. Maybe he could frustrate Suzaku to the point of actually wanting to be on top… He backed away whenever Suzaku tried to kiss him, listening with amusement to those sweet little pleasure-filled mewls. Sometimes his body betrayed his more submissive nature. Those delicious hips thrust upward into Hiten's waiting hands, and in response he backed a little further away, coaxing Suzaku into moving more. "Stop," those pouting lips begged, but again Hiten only ignored them. This opportunity was much too sweet to pass up. Considering that his redheaded angel was a virgin in any way proved so deliciously arousing… "Want to try something new, Su-Chan?"

"No," was Suzaku's immediate reply, but he still whimpered when Hiten let up. "Hiten quit torturing me!"

"I'm not torturing you."

"Yes you are." the miffed redhead finally sat up, becoming only further annoyed when Hiten laid right down in his place. "Quit!"

"Quit what?"

"Teasing me! Why'd you ask if I wanted to fuck if you were just gonna keep backing off?"

"What do you mean?"

"Hiten…"

"I don't know what's got your panties all up in a wad…" Hiten leaned back, absently folding his arms behind his head and avoiding those glaring green eyes. Su-Chan certainly was predictable. The more you backed off, the more he'd want to come on. Now if only he could find a way to rile him up just a little more. What would it take to get Suzaku pissed enough to initiate?

This was just another game, perhaps the most challenging Hiten had encountered so far, but that didn't mean he'd ever lose… 'Oh, I've got it.'

Hiten rolled over, onto his stomach, then stood on all fours and stretched out luxuriously, just like a cat. His hair fell out of the way, fully exposing his back. 'Perfect.' This immediately demanded Suzaku's attention.

"What are these?"

"What's what, pet?" Hiten wondered, feigning innocent curiosity.

"Fuck marks…" Suzaku could hardly believe his eyes. The long red scratches perfectly matched his own fingers, yet he knew he had not put them there. How in the seven hells had Hiten even found the time to fuck someone else? "Where'd you get these?"

"Oh, I dunno," was Hiten's lofty response. He sat up then and leaned back, pressing himself against Suzaku's soothing warmth. "Probably from all that hot, rough Ja-Chan sex…"

"What?"

"Yeah. Felt pretty amazing…" Hiten teased himself a little closer, trying to coax Suzaku into climbing up on top of him. God, this redhead was so stubborn! Did he never feel the need to just claim what was his? 'Such a fucking woman…' It wasn't any fun to have to spell it out for him. Suzaku's hot, wet erection was already perfectly positioned between his legs…

"Come here, Su-Chan…"

"I don't think I want to."

Suzaku absently ran his fingers over the gently-textured phoenix tattoo, a little bit stunned. He'd long since caught onto what Hiten wanted, but couldn't bring himself to oblige. 'Hiten belongs to me. I guess I should act like it.' His mind screamed yes, but his body refused to obey. Oh, suddenly his chest hurt too much… "Why'd you…"

Hiten immediately caught the sadness in his voice and turned around. "Hey now, it's nothing to be upset about."

"Did you expect me to be glad?"

"No but- Oh Su-Chan come on," Hiten wanted to roll onto his belly under that harsh glare. Those sharp green eyes suddenly glistened with tears. "You said you wouldn't care if-"

"Don't touch me!" Suzaku slapped his hand before Hiten could catch hold of him and backed off. "Fucking horndog son of a-"

"What the fuck? You said I could! Don't fucking say yes if you mean no!"

"Oh my god…" Suzaku growled, tugging on his hair with a frustrated look that clearly said 'you are so fucking stupid.' "I hate you, Hiten."

"Well fuck you!" was his immediate retort, "you're such a bitch!"

"I'm a bitch?" Suzaku scoffed; indignant. "You're the one trying to get me to fuck you."

"Well I don't want you to anymore."

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

By the time they'd reached this impasse the two were almost nose to nose, growling at each other like a pair of ravenous wolves. "Don't ever touch me again," Suzaku hissed, trying to shove Hiten away. "I am so sick of you!"

This time Hiten's snappy retort got caught in his throat and he almost choked on it. Oh, that stupid infuriating redhead! Anger made those eyes glow with irresistible radiance. His tense body just begged to be dominated; put back in its place. "You cheated Suzaku."

"Nope," those pink lips bragged, and this time it was Suzaku that offered a well-earned cocky grin. "I just won."

Hiten scoffed, yanking that beautiful body and shoving his lover face first into the mattress as he took his rightful place atop his redheaded angel. "I fucking love it when you scream like that."

"Oh, I know," Suzaku smirked.

"Will you at least pull my hair?"

"Nope." Suzaku let his giggles escape as he settled himself up onto his knees, presenting those perfect hips so Hiten could pour some more of that strawberry lube between his legs.

"How do you want it?" his conceding lover sighed, massaging that supple, sensitive flesh with his fingers. Suzaku tensed up, letting his pleasure out with a feral growl before voicing his naughty request. "Show me how you did Ja-Chan…"

"You'd bleed," Hiten chuckled, teasing himself up against that tight virginal entrance.

"Did he?"

"Just a bit."

* * *

"Did you really have sex with Hiten?"

Bankotsu paused, in the middle of crawling back up onto the bed with his curious lover. Jakotsu hid beneath the blankets, apparently embarrassed by his own question.

"Why would you ask me something like that…"

Jakotsu scoffed as he stated the obvious. "Because it's gonna drive me nuts until I find out!"

"Wow," Bankotsu tried not to laugh as he pulled his cross-dressing companion onto the bed with him. "Aisuru, you're the jealous type?"

"Shut up!"  
Those pretty pink cheeks flushed even deeper with those perfect blue streaks cutting across his adorable blush. "I love you," Bankotsu absently mumbled, pressing kisses to his tattoos. "And anyway, didn't you tell me that sex doesn't count as cheating?"

"You got a tattoo for him!" Jakotsu seethed. "That is so obviously cheating!"

"No it's not," Bankotsu sighed, "I loved Hiten, yeah. But it's not like I was actually sleeping with him behind your back. That would just be… well mean."

"So you didn't have sex with him?"

"Not… real sex.." He replied like it was so simple; so obvious.

"What does that mean?"

"Um…" Bankotsu had his hands on his face, probably trying to cool the embarrassment. "Like… vanilla sex but not actual… sex sex."

Jakotsu tried but failed to hold in his snort of laughter. How was it even possible for Bankotsu to still act so innocent? It was so cute how he got so embarrassed, even though the topic itself was not so cute. Bankotsu had always been like that. He'd always been much more reserved.  
Jakotsu however, could talk just as dirty as he liked without the slightest hint of embarrassment.

"Not anal sex you mean?"

Bankotsu pressed his face into the pillow for a moment, apparently overwhelmed by his embarrassment. "Yeah, that's what I mean."

"So no, you didn't let Hiten fuck you."

"No…" His reply was almost inaudible, little more than a murmur against the pillow.

"And you didn't fuck him?

"No."

"Well what about oral sex?"

"Airuruuuuu…" the way Bankotsu said that just dripped with torturous humiliation, but Jakotsu persisted; amused. "Yes or no?"

This time Bankotsu could not speak, but he did manage a weak nod.

"Like sixty-nine?"

"Come on, Aisuru…"

"Yes or no?"

Bankotsu let out a long, suffering sigh, but after a moment of silence he nodded again.

"Oh, really…" That wasn't a question. Jakotsu had only bothered to say that to torture his obviously humiliated lover. "I think you should tell me about that in detail…"

"What? That's not fair," Bankotsu huffed.

"Why not? I'd go into detail for you," he offered, "even though Hiten told me to keep it a secret…" 'Curiosity killed the cat,' his rational mind reminded, but Jakotsu only smiled, letting his mischievous nature shine through. "You should have seen it, Aisuru. Hiten's 'company car' is a freakin' limousine! It's got all these big, cozy leather seats and plenty of space for fucking on the floor…"

"No offense," Bankotsu interrupted, "but I thought you guys hated each other."

"Just kinda," Jakotsu explained, "it was the perfect grudgefuck…"

"Ugh."

"Yeah and afterwards all he wanted to do was blab on about how he loves Su-Chan. Guess he's the type that gets all sentimental after a good fuck." Jakotsu paused in his ramblings then, contemplating. "I guess I feel bad for you, Aisuru. You missed out on some very nice cock," he informed, "I think it's weird Hiten loved you and all but didn't even fuck you…"

"Well I think that's exactly why he didn't want real sex. He didn't want to fuck up my life anymore than he already had…"

"That sounds like Hiten's backwards logic," Jakotsu scoffed, annoyed. "that asshole made it sound like you guys were sneaking around on me!"

"Well did you piss him off?"

"Um, Well…"

"Hiten can be very mean when you piss him off," Bankotsu explained. "but if it makes you feel any better, I did punch him. You missed it…"

"Good." Jakotsu sighed, laying back lazily to allow his lover to cover him in kisses. Finally he could rest easy and stop worrying about the past. "That stupid Hiten."

* * *

Suzaku threw his gorgeous head back, gasping Hiten's name for what must have been the hundredth time.

"Don't finish," his master reminded, and Hiten growled his obedience, not even pausing for a moment. "I won't," he promised, picking up the speed so he could hear the quickened panting of those precious pink lips. Suzaku was allowing himself to be taken from behind. He must have been feeling abnormally kinky today…

"Su-Chan-"

"Shut up," he snapped, dodging Hiten's kiss, "Not so deep, and a little slower…"

"Ooh, say that again."

"Shut up!"

"Oh… I love you."

"I know." Suzaku reveled in the feel of those powerful hips riding his own, fully enjoying the titillating pleasure of Hiten's well-aimed, intoxicating fuck. There was just something so satisfying about being literally filled with the one person he truly loved. Maybe this was the exact pleasure Hiten was longing to feel for himself; unrivaled closeness and the comforting sensation of being truly treasured, of belonging to someone…

The comforting haze of orgasm clouded Suzaku's mind then, melting all thought into shuddering gasps, but soon he came down off his high, feeling a little bit guilty. 'I'm so selfish...' Maybe he should have taken a shot at being on top after all. Suddenly he felt a bit cruel for having refused to offer such a precious experience to Hiten. Surely he was not the only one with insecurities. Didn't Hiten also deserve this level of calming comfort? "Okay stop."

Hiten immediately obeyed, but also voiced his confusion. "Why?"

"Because I said so," was Suzaku's dodging reply. He lie down then and refused to speak again, seeming lost in some unpleasant thought.

"I didn't hurt you did I?" Hiten wondered, crawling over to try to get those stubborn green eyes to meet his concerned brown ones. "Su-Chan, what's wrong?"

Suzaku shook his head, refusing to admit. He let Hiten lie down too and snuggled up beside him, absently rolling to stare up at the ceiling. The sweet scent of that strawberry lubricant still hung in the air. As did the steam-like reminder of their early morning, erotic endeavors. Every now and then the voices in his head spoke up, offering a word or two that he could comprehend but didn't care to. And the visual hallucinations continued as well. Flits of color appeared, like fluttering animals before his eyes. They were real to Suzaku, and only Suzaku. Every thought contradicted itself. In his mind Hiten loved him dearly but still wanted to leave. It seemed to make sense. Hiten deserved to be cherished, and at the same time would make such a satisfying victim…

"Ne, Hiten?"

"Yes, Pet?" As always Hiten had jumped on the opportunity to encourage Suzaku to open up. But the redhead only voiced a question that stirred anxiety.

"Are you even… happy?"

"What do you mean?"  
Suzaku dodged his gaze once again, seeming a bit sad himself.

"We fight a lot…" he began, but Hiten immediately interjected. "That's not fighting, we were doing. It's just a game. It's fun and totally hot."

"Not like what we did today," Suzaku clarified, "I mean real fighting. I actually made you cry like twice ne? And just in a couple of weeks…"

"Well that's-"

"And you always think you've done something bad to me. It seems like you spend most of your time just trying to understand me and making sure I'm not hurt or upset or… homicidal. It's a wonder you even get a chance to sleep at night…"

"It's not like that, Su-Chan." Hiten pulled his lover into a tight embrace, ignoring the little protesting noise he made. It was difficult to decide what he should say, since Suzaku was so sensitive; he could take the most benign statements and read insults into them… 'Paranoid,' Hiten had to remind himself. Softspoken, calm and concise; the only way to address someone so delicate.

"I want to be with you."

'Perfect.' An irrefutable, neutral response.

"But isn't it hard for you?"

"Well," Hiten paused to think that over as well, "Hard is good. Everything worth having is hard to get. Like a good job or a college degree or something."

"Yeah but at least with those you have something to show for it." Suzaku sighed, "Jobs give you money. Psychos like me only cause trouble."

"But you love me, Su-Chan."

"So?"

"Money can't replace that."

'Score one for me!' Hiten was nearly bursting with joy on the inside. His Suzaku had fallen silent, apparently stunned by his brazen honesty. Admittedly he still didn't understand the whole sappy concept of love or whatever, but he did know that he wanted to stay with Suzaku.

'I guess I could be happier…' He'd never bothered to consider that before. But if they were together, he didn't want to rock the boat by asking for anything more. Thinking back on it, most of his anguish, including the worst times, when he genuinely wanted to cry, was caused by separation anxiety; the fear that he and Suzaku could not or would not be able to stay together.

The infidelity was the worst of it. Maybe due to his past experience with Bankotsu's dishonesty, Hiten found himself especially sensitive to that kind of betrayal. But whatever the case, he'd first have to focus on reestablishing trust, then they could both feel comfortable and happy with their relationship. If only Suzaku were a bit more assertive. It would be so healing to hear him say something like 'you're the one I want.' But for someone so submissive and meek, Hiten knew that was a tall order. It was with that one act of confidence, in giving him that locket, that Suzaku first sparked Hiten's genuine interest. If only he would take the initiative and do something like that again… That locket. It had taken Suzaku what, eleven years to finally admit he loved Hiten? Well he could wait eleven more if need be.  
Surely they could work out their differences in time, especially since that formerly stubborn redhead had finally started opening up to him.

"Come on." He stood from the bed, hoping to shake Suzaku out of his melancholy reverie. "Let's take a bath in that hottub you love so much."

* * *

"You gonna get that tattoo removed?"

"If you want, I guess," Bankotsu shrugged, pressing a few kisses to the body he'd missed so terribly. "I won't even talk to him again if you don't want me to."

"Nevermind," his queen decided, "Maybe you should make up with him afterall."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah," Jakotsu admitted, "it actually might be hot to see you guys make out."

"Perv." Bankotsu shook his head, amused by his suddenly giggling companion.

"Tattoos are hot anyway…"

* * *

"I love your tattoos now."

"I'm glad to hear that," Hiten sighed, leaning back against his curious companion's touch.

Suzaku was transfixed, staring at the tattoo on his lover's back. It really was the perfect gift; extravagant, and breathtaking. For some reason he just couldn't tear his eyes away… This phoenix breathed life into his dearest wish. Years could pass, but he would always have his image immortalized on Hiten's perfect body. In light of that disastrous show-down with Bankotsu, Suzaku just could not stop his heart from fluttering. 'My Hiten.' He traced his fingers over each feather, 'Only mine.'

"Does this mean you'll never, ever leave me?"

Hiten scoffed, offering him a teasing retort. "If I say no, are you going to try to drown me?"

Suzaku tittered, brushing Hiten's wet black hair out of his way so he could press affectionate kisses to the tips of each phoenix feather. "No, I guess that would defeat the point..."

"You guess? You're such a psycho."

That phoenix seemed to smile back as Suzaku fingered those flames and feathers, and absently he slid his hands under the water to wrap them around the only one that mattered to him. "Yeah, I guess I am…" Somehow he didn't feel scared or sad anymore. It was the truth after all. He could be honest for the first time in his life because Hiten didn't pull away or grimace or anything like that. "Schizo, Psycho… Might as well accept it."

"That's not true…" He started, splashing a little as Hiten made to turn around and face him. "You're just my Su-Chan. That's all."

The formerly hated jewels pressed against Suzaku's blank forehead and those hot, strong arms held him close as he let his eyes slide shut to revel in the warmth of their embrace. This was Suzaku's dearest wish come true. If only he'd been brave enough to believe in it without the tattoo… "Hiten…" He kissed those smiling lips, whispering a new promise.  
"I will be stronger now. I will trust in you."

At this Hiten was taken slightly aback. "What?" he wondered, half joking, "You didn't trust me before?"

"No." was Suzaku's immediate reply. He didn't sound even slightly amused. "I don't trust anyone."

"Ouch…" There wasn't much else to say to that. Yet it seemed to make sense when Hiten considered the term 'paranoid.' Was this why Suzaku never initiated? Was he so terrified of rejection that it paralyzed him? Well that would explain his docile yet guarded, dishonest nature. 'Let Hiten take the lead, then pretend to be whatever seems to suit his fancy most.' That was the name of the game. But Hiten wasn't interested in this fake, subservient Suzaku. He wanted to know what his lover truly wanted, or more importantly, who his lover was. How could you love someone properly if they hid their true self all the time?

Well Suzaku was obviously not going to offer up the information otherwise, so there was only one way to get the truth out of him; ask. Hiten thought it over, but there were at least a million questions he wanted answered. Maybe just choosing them at random would suffice.

"Su-Chan, you hate the television?"

"Yep."

"Okay, I won't expect you to watch it with me anymore then." Well that was a good start. Maybe he could probe a little deeper while Suzaku seemed so willing to share.

"You don't like to be on top?"

This one riled him up a little more. "It's not that I don't like it…" was his quiet reply. Suzaku seemed embarrassed now, perhaps by the fact that he was already clinging to Hiten from behind. "I've just never done it before and…"

"And you think you wont be any good at it."

"Yeah."

"Well that makes sense." Hiten tried to turn around then, but Suzaku dodged and ducked back behind him. Oh, what a shame. He was probably blushing now, with those adorable pink cheeks. "Ask me more questions," he challenged. Maybe this little game was growing on him…

"Alright let me think…" Hiten fidgeted absently with the bubbles floating around them, trying to think back to times when Suzaku's behavior had just completely confused him. 'Oh, I've got one!' "Remember that one time," he tried to think of the most painfree way to phrase the question, knowing that this one was probably going to hit a sore spot with his lover. "When you asked me if I taste like chocolate?"

"Oh…" Suzaku had caught on, but just as Hiten expected, backed off. "Let's not talk about that."

"Su-Chan-"

"No, seriously, you don't want to know anyway."

"Yes I do."

"No you don't."

"Su-Chan quit." Hiten caught him before Suzaku could climb up, out of the hottub and forced the stubborn redhead to sit still and face him. "It's important," he insisted, "so I can understand you better."

Those stubborn green eyes looked so sad now, like Suzaku genuinely expected Hiten to hate him for whatever thoughts were going on behind them. "You won't like me anymore…"

"Yes I will."

"It's gross."

"Well I asked for it."

"No seriously, you might throw up."

"Suzaku…"

"Hiten…"

"You're stalling."

"No I'm not…"

Those cute green eyes rolled upward but Hiten pulled Suzaku only closer, making it very clear that he was not going to back down. "Explain it to me, Su-Chan. Why were you so upset that night?"

Finally Suzaku conceded and offered the explanation. "Well I was thinking about him."

"Who?"

"…"

"Suzaku?"

"Oto-san."

"…"

"Hiten?"

"On second thought, maybe I will puke after all."

"Sorry."

"No, I set myself up for that one." Hiten waved him off, trying very hard to resist the urge to lean over and start dry heaving. "Okay, well at least it couldn't get any worse."

"Actually that's only half of it…"

"Only half?" Hiten could only stare; dubious. 'What could possibly be worse than incestuous oral sex?' Suzaku apparently read his mind, because he answered, "I was eleven."

This time Hiten really did dry heave. Once he'd collected himself however, he suddenly felt enlightened. "Well no wonder you're so fucked up now…"

"Gee, thanks," was Suzaku's sarcastic reply, but Hiten merely hugged him closer, breathing in the calming scent of his lover. Soon his stomach had settled and he smiled wryly, feeling a little bit masochistic. "Least it makes sense now."

"I really am sorry."

"It's not even your fault," Hiten insisted, "you were just a kid."

"Yeah but I should be over it by now…"

"Says who?" Hiten wondered incredulously. "I think you have license to be just as fucked up as you want."

"But I do need to get over it…"

"Well I guess that'd be nice." Hiten hadn't meant to say that. It just kind of slipped out. His mind had immediately begun to recall memories of his many very pleasant experiences with oral sex. As painful as it was to admit, it was for that very reason that Jakotsu had turned out to be the best mistake he'd ever made…

"What are you thinking about, Hiten?"

The hot, sordid images in his mind popped like bubbles as Hiten snapped back to reality and met those curious green eyes again. "Um… nothing important."

"Feels pretty 'important' to me." Suzaku scoffed, shifting himself on Hiten's lap so that his weight conveniently pressed more painfully against his burgeoning erection. "Who were you thinking of?" he hissed, glaring into his lover's now watery brown eyes.

"I'm sorry master," Hiten whispered, torn between being irked and even more painfully aroused. Ohh, dominant, pissed-off Suzaku… "Say that again."

"My god," Suzaku rolled his eyes, "and you bitched at Sean for being such a horndog."

"No I didn't. I bitched at him for hitting on you."

"Uh huh."

"Hey Su-Chan?"

"What?"

"Can we fuck now?"

"Ugh."

"Please?"

"I hate you." Suzaku reached right down between Hiten's legs and dug his claws into the sensitive flesh there, but apparently this only aroused him further.

"Ooh, I love it when you make that face." Hiten growled, pulling Suzaku closer.

"This face? The one that means I want you dead?"

"Yep." He forced a kiss to those precious pink lips, threading his fingers through that damp red hair. Oh, he didn't miss Jakotsu for even a moment now. None of his past partners held even half of Suzaku's charm… "Mmm, I love you," he mumbled vaguely, trailing wet kisses down that sweet, gently heated neck.

"You never answered my question." Suzaku scoffed; still annoyed.

"Jakotsu," his lover responded immediately now. At least Hiten was obedient when he was turned on. "What about Jakotsu?"

"He's amazing with his mouth."

'So am I!' Suzaku bristled. "That's not fair."

"No, it's okay. It doesn't matter," Hiten waved it off like an irksome fly but Suzaku pulled away then; determined once again to completely destroy every trace of Hiten's past lovers.

"Get up here," he demanded, "out of the water. I'll show you something 'amazing.'"

* * *

"Oh, also Aisuru," the cross dresser informed, "I kind of made out with Hiten at the hospital. We were asleep."

Bankotsu blushed, pausing as he tried hard not to picture that in his head.  
"Ooh, I bet that turned you on," Jakotsu tittered, reaching down to tease his fingers between those powerful, tan legs. "Ooh, I think it did."

"Quit!" Bankotsu insisted, horribly embarrassed, but his mischievous companion only laughed.

In one split second Jakotsu had reversed their positions. That hot, wet tongue slid into his mouth and the two kissed with sudden desperation. 'Oh, how I missed you.' Neither was aware that they had just thought the same thing at the exact same time, and neither cared. The heat flared up instantly between their tightly joined, sorely deprived bodies. Jakotsu practically panted as he spoke again, eager to continue. "How do you want it?" he teased, stroking carefully so that Bankotsu had to bite back a moan before replying. "Any way," he insisted, desperate to get his Aisuru to just shut up and get on with it.

"Ooh, so impatient," Jakotsu tsked, wagging a finger at him. "I think you need to be punished."  
With that said the cross dresser gave his lover's behind a sharp slap and then promptly shoved that same wagging finger inside of him.

* * *

"Fuck…"

Hiten closed his eyes, trying not to lose himself to the pretty little lips that had just clamped down between his legs. Apparently Suzaku had very successfully kicked his aversion to sucking him off. Was Suzaku just very good at this or was this new, incredible experience to blame for making him so dizzy with arousal? 'Bad idea, bad idea' he bit back a groan as his eyes slid back open against his better judgment. That beautiful head dipped right back down, taking in the very near entirety of his almost painful erection. Suzaku was only halfway out of the water, while Hiten sat up on the side of the tub, with only his feet beneath the surface. That dark red hair was still dripping wet; almost as erotic as his amazing, heated kisses. "Okay, stop," he panted, not wanting to choke his gorgeous lover. The bitterness of disappointment stung as Suzaku obeyed. Those sparkling emerald eyes turned upward, imploring. "Did you like it?"

Hiten bit his knuckle and nodded at the same time. 'How could anyone possibly be so naïve yet so erotic?' Just looking down at those big green eyes and that adorable pouty face made him want to cum. 'That would be bad.' Shaking off the sudden desire to paint Suzaku's adorable face with the pearly white pleasure it was practically begging for, Hiten stood and none too gently yanked his beautiful companion out of the bath.

"Come on, you'll get dizzy if we stay in there." Suzaku followed obediently, allowing Hiten to wrap one of the large, fluffy hotel bathrobes around him. "How sweet."

"Poor, naïve Su-Chan," Hiten scoffed, kissing those plump pink lips as he shoved his lover up against the wall. "Don't you realize? I'm about to fuck you up."

"Oh no," Suzaku fake whimpered, trying not to laugh. He ducked out of Hiten's grip and ran off into the bedroom, amused by how easily his cat-like companion recaptured him. Hiten hoisted his giggling prey right off those dainty little feet and tossed him down onto the bed, pouncing with playful nips and countless wet kisses.

"Teehee…" Suzaku blushed as that cliché little titter escaped him. 'So incurably adorable!' Hiten nuzzled that beautiful face; nose to nose, heart to heart, dripping wet and just as careless. "I love you," he growled, amused by the immediate, chirping reply of his beloved phoenix.  
"I love you more…"

"Oh, I doubt that."

"Oh, I don't know," Suzaku challenged, casting his eyes upward with a playful grin. "Hiten talks so big, but I don't think he could back it up…"

"Cheeky," Hiten tittered, surprised that his mischievous companion could say such things while pinned beneath him. 'Back it up…' He repeated those words in his head, glancing down at their very intimately entwined bodies. He hadn't noticed before, but Suzaku's adorable, dripping pink head was situated right between his legs. Oh, why hadn't he been smart enough to think of this earlier? With Suzaku pinned like this the performance anxiety would be eliminated; Hiten could do all the work himself. For the second time he reached over and poured a generous amount of that strawberry-scented lubricant onto that tempting vanilla rod; wondering what it would feel like inside of him. He moved immediately to find out but Suzaku interrupted; shocked. "What are you doing?"

"Backing it up," Hiten replied simply. He then reached down and carefully stroked Suzaku, coaxing that porcelain rod into it's most firm state before easing it up inside of himself. 'Woah.' This felt weird, and proved to be much more difficult than it looked. But the heated, strawberry scented lube offered more comfortable ease. It was much like diving into a pool of water; the quicker the better. Hiten took almost the entire length in one smooth motion and both lovers had to pause, gasping with the intense pressure. Suzaku panted, conceding. "Oh…" he moaned, thrusting upward to sheathe himself completely in that yielding, delicious heat, "you were right. We'll have to do this more often."

"I'm always right." Hiten offered him a very cocky grin and then pushed himself up onto his palms, only to slide right back down that smooth, stiff length.

Suzaku moaned shamelessly, matching his shuddering, automatic rhythm. The sensation was simply incredible… "Does it hurt?" he couldn't help but wonder.

"Oh yes," Hiten groaned, "It hurts so good."

"Wow," the redhead sighed, "for once you're more gay than me, Hiten."

"Keep talking," he retorted, kissing those sweet pink lips as he forced himself back down. "Payback time will be very very soon…"

"What?"

"Oh nothing." Hiten fought the urge to snicker. 'Su-Chan's gonna hate it when I cum on his stomach…'

* * *

"Careful with that thing." Bankotsu protested, shoving his sadistically tittering companion away.  
Jakotsu ignored this and continued to rub his new watermelon-flavored lube between those hot caramel thighs. He teased himself right up against that unyielding entrance and kissed his lover with slyly distracting ferocity. Finally Bankotsu relaxed enough to allow for the initial thrust but reflexively threw his head back, panting. The deeper Jakotsu sank into him, the more intense their precious, almost overwhelming connection. "Beg for it," the sadistic snake hissed, sinking his fangs into his lover's neck.

'Wow…' Bankotsu couldn't recall his Aisuru ever being so dominant before. Not since the very first time his more experienced companion first taught him to make love. It was very refreshing; exotic. "Please…" that humiliating, shuddering whisper was all it took. The pressure doubled and the speed quickened immediately. Powerful, precise strokes pumped the pleasure inside with ever increasing intensity. With his eyes screwed shut, Bankotsu guided those smooth, voluptuous hips; encouraging. "Deeper-" The command was met with immediate obedience. Each sweet, desperate pant seemed to echo; reverberating with the shuddering, gasping pleasure. "Aisuru…" Jakotsu moaned. The urgent warning in his voice only increased the fervor. Hungry, wet lips met, nearly mimicking the erotic slapping of flesh. The violent shuddering of climax shook the both of them as Bankotsu swallowed the gasp of his own name into their kiss.

"My turn, now." Bankotsu chuckled, ignoring his partner's groan. He swiftly reversed their positions and pinned those thin, feminine wrists easily in one hand. Jakotsu was still breathing heavily as he pulled his legs up to his chest so that his beautiful body lie in wait; shameless and provocative. The way he gasped and shook with the rush of initial penetration was nothing short of incredible. Wet, sticky, delicious domination. The slick nectar between his own legs went unnoticed as Bankotsu forced himself deeper, faster. There was only the tight, overwhelming ecstasy of that flawless, pulsing perfection. Everything was so loud, so wet, and unbearably hot. Relief crashed down in shuddering waves of erotic release and finally both could rest, whispering their sweet nothings all the while. "So amazing," "So hot," "I love you,"  
"My Sweet-" "Aisuru," The words ran together sometimes and were cut off by kisses other times, but neither lover cared. The sweet, watermelon-scented afterglow of their lovemaking flowed like warm, sticky honey.

* * *

"See, you can see your phoenix. Isn't this a nice position?"

"Um…" Suzaku blushed, turning red in his embarrassment. His powerful, regal lion was currently leaned on all fours, in front of him; presenting. "Come on, Su-Chan…" Hiten purred, arching his back as he tried to coax his timid lover back up inside of him. "Didn't you say you wanted to get me back for the mess I made on your stomach?" Suzaku shook his beautiful head, much too flustered to take the initiative. "Why so shy?" he teased, "don't you ever want to just claim your territory?" The stubborn redhead was obviously tempted. He tried not to bite down on one of those perfectly manicured nails as he shook his head; refusing.

"So stubborn."

Suzaku almost whimpered, staring down at him. The gorgeous phoenix tattoo seemed to wink back into his matching green eyes. Hiten's long wet hair was draped elegantly over his shoulder, offering a very generous view of his glorious body. But this was just too new. The timid redhead had never considered it before, but his partner was just as eligible a candidate for being taken from behind. Of course however, that didn't make it any easier to accept such a daunting, exotic task. 'Hiten, my master, who can lift my entire body with one hand… wants me to fuck him…' "Nope. I can't do it."

Hiten couldn't help but chuckle when he heard this. But it was just as well. He turned right around and pounced his adorable, stubborn companion, nuzzling that incurably cute face. "Well then Su-Chan," He whispered, kissing those sweet pink lips at least a dozen times before continuing, "I guess you'll have to find another way to claim me for yourself…"

"What do you mean?"

"Well otherwise I might just sneak off, ne? Slip away and never come back…"

"Don't say that!" Suzaku immediately clung to him; wrapping his arms around Hiten's neck.

'Too easy.' Hiten snickered as he snuggled closer into that insistent embrace. He knew just what to say to rile his Su-Chan up the most. It was so refreshing to see Suzaku displaying Hiten's own feelings of vulnerability and possessiveness. They wanted each other over everything and anything else.

"You can't leave me…" those pouty pink lips insisted, "don't even joke about that…"

"But I could…"

"No!" Suzaku held him so much tighter, as if he were trying to force their bodies to just meld together and become one. "Please," he begged, "Never, never…"

"Unless?" Hiten prompted, again trying not to snicker.

Suzaku looked so confused. He fell silent, trying to figure out how to answer that question.  
"Umm…" There was no answer. He could think of no possible circumstance that could necessitate their splitting up. "Nothing. You can't ever leave me, Hiten."

"Well what if I die?" Hiten wondered.

"Oh…" He had not considered that, but perhaps it was true afterall. Only death could possibly have the power to separate true lovers… "I guess that would be the only reason."

"What are you trying to say, Su-Chan?" Hiten positively glowed as he smiled down at those adorable green eyes, feigning innocent curiosity. "Something like… Til death do us part?"

Suzaku caught his drift but didn't even dare to speak.

"That's kinda catchy," Hiten fake mused, a finger to his lips, "I think I like the sound of it… And if I remember correctly, that kind of thing is legal back home in America…"

"No way…"

"Yes way."

Suzaku was so shocked that he actually let go. But Hiten merely took advantage of this and trailed kisses all the way down his arm, stopping once he finally reached the naked little finger he wanted to wrap his heart around. "We don't have any plans today. Let's go get my locket fixed like I promised. And then… we can pick out a ring for you…"

"Oh. My. God." Suzaku looked ready to burst with joy, or maybe he'd start to hyperventilate.

"Don't die on me n-" Hiten teased, but suddenly the redhead pounced him, reversing their positions in one split second. "Say it!" those grinning pink lips insisted. Suzaku caught him by the shoulders and shook, ignoring his retort of "you just can't make this easy on me…"

"Say it!"

"Fine," Hiten conceded, wondering just who would die of embarrassment first.  
"I'm asking you to marry me."

"Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

* * *

"What the fuck?" Jakotsu groaned, shoving his sleepy lover out of the way. His cellphone had been vibrating for at least five minutes now. "6:38am. Raiyuki Hiten" the LCD read. "Figures. That stupid-"

"Ja-Chan!"

Jakotsu startled, recognizing his cellphone-hating best friend's voice. "Su-Chan?"

"Oh my gawwwd, you will not bah-leave what Hiten just said!"

"Do you know what time it is Su-Chan?" Jakotsu raised an eyebrow as Hiten's obviously annoyed voice issued from the other end, trying to persuade his overly enthusiastic companion to give his cellphone back.

"Su-Chan come on it's too early for this shit."  
"Shut up! You said I could mess with your phone when I want!"  
"Leave the poor Queen alone."  
"No!"  
"You just can't make this easy…"

Suzaku ignored him; ecstatic. His voice was so high-pitched it was almost impossible to understand. "Hiten just asked me to marry him!"

"What?" Now the cross dresser bolted upright, wide awake. "You're kidding!"

"Nope! I get a ring and everything! Kyaaa!"  
"I hate you," Hiten was growling. "I hate all of you freakin' women."

Jakotsu could not speak. He merely turned to regard Bankotsu, who was hanging over his shoulder with a look of pure, speechless shock on his face.

"Sorry we woke you your majesty." Hiten had finally wrestled his cellphone out of Suzaku's hands and pinned him down, but the redhead only giggled uncontrollably, lost somewhere out on cloud nine. "Don't get all excited. I want to wait 'til spring so we can have the ceremony outside."

"Oh my gawwd!" Jakotsu gushed, "You already have plans for the time and place?"

"So?" Poor Hiten was probably wishing he could drop dead right about now. He had a squealing drama queen in both of his ears... "I told you already, back in the limo!"

"I thought you were bullshitting me!"

"Why does everyone think I'm a liar?"

"Wait, wait, wait!" Jakotsu insisted; immediately caught up with his best friend's excitement, "What about the bachelor and bachelorette parties! And the best man! And the bridesmaids!"

"Not until Spring…"

Ignoring this, Jakotsu promptly hung up and hopped right out of bed, much to his equally nude boyfriend's dismay. He burst right into his guest bedroom and gave an ecstatic announcement.  
"Guys wake up! Especially Naraku!" He commanded, ignoring the embarrassed squeals of his female party guests. Most everyone else ducked and shielded their eyes, but Naraku just paused his video game and shrugged. "What?"

"Be ready for Spring break!" The queen decreed, "You're comin' with me and Bankotsu to America. We got a bachelorette party to plan and a gay wedding to crash!"

"Okay." GayTony resumed and Jakotsu wandered right back to bed.

"Good news though," Naraku muttered to the others, who were still too terrified to uncover their eyes, "looks like things did get nice and messy with Bankotsu."

"Yeah but we epic-failed," Inuyasha sighed, "they're still going to America."

"Well then we'll go with them!" his girlfriend interjected, "Bachelorette party!"

"Fuck my life," Inuyasha sighed, burying his head back into his sleeping bag. The poor hanyou didn't know it, but he'd fallen right into the shoes of poor Raiyuki Hiten. Being Bankotsu's best friend was very hard work…


	37. Midari

disclaimer

I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, Suzaku, Hiten or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.

I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.

I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.

- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

(AN. There seems to be something wrong with the document uploader. I'll try my best to have this new chapter show up looking tidy, but there doesn't seem much that I can do about the format! The document manager has no option for italics or bold font. Totally weird! Anyway, if anyone knows how to fix this problem please do let me know!

As always, please Read, Review, and most importantly, Enjoy. )

**Not For All The World**

**Chapter Thirty-Seven: Midari**

* * *

"Hey Souten!"

The black-haired girl looked up from playing with the puppy, her face instantly lighting up with joy. "Nii-chan!" She promptly threw herself into her big brother's arms and Hiten stood to spin her around, very nearly matching her giggling voice.

"Missed me?"

"Yep!"

Suzaku timidly climbed out of the limo, amazed at how quickly Hiten had lifted this little girl up and set her on his shoulders. 'Oh no…' He'd never thought it was possible. But maybe, just maybe his precious Hiten… liked kids.

"Ugh…"

"Alright Midari-Sama?" the limo driver wondered, holding the door open patiently, and Suzaku nodded grimly. "I'll live…"

"Lookit Souten!" Hiten announced, happily carrying that cute little kid over to greet Suzaku. "This is Su-Chan. Say hi!"

"Hi Su-Chan!" she echoed, giggling, and Suzaku valiantly played off the churning in his stomach.

"Nice to meet you."

"Suzaku, this is my little sister Souten. And this year she's…"

"Five and a half!" Souten announced proudly.

"She's lying," Hiten laughed, scooping the mischievous little girl up into his arms again. "Liar, liar pants on fire!" he teased, tickling her until she was practically shrieking with laughter. "Okay okay!" she snickered, "I'm six."

"Liar!"

Suzaku raised an eyebrow as Souten escaped his grip and Hiten shot off, chasing after the mischievously cackling little girl. The puppy followed as well, yipping playfully. This scene played out like a living nightmare for Suzaku. 'No, no,' he almost moaned. 'Hiten can't like kids! Ughhhhh…'

"What's wrong Su-Chan?"

Suzaku gave him a dubious look as Hiten paused, in the middle of hoisting his sister up-side-down, over his shoulders. She was still giggling madly, calling out random numbers instead of admitting her true age. "Twenty-three!" Souten announced, only amusing her brother further. "Ah-hah! So you're older than me?" Hiten fake-gasped. "I knew it!"

"Yep!"

"I'm leaving." Suzaku sighed, turning around to climb right back into the limo. "I can't do this."

"Oh, don't be like that!"

'What the?' how had Hiten even moved fast enough to catch him? Suzaku squirmed, but Souten also caught hold of him, smiling just like her brother. 'Oh, this is like a zombie horror film nightmare!'

"Come on," Hiten insisted, "you gotta come meet Mom n Dad!"

"Seriously Hiten." Suzaku gave Hiten a look that plainly said he was **not **joking. "I can't do this." Hiten considered him for a moment, then turned to his sister, smiling as he put his brotherly tone back on. "Souten will you go tell Mama I'm home?"

"Sure!" She ran off, scooping up her puppy, and the two of them were left alone, save for the limo driver, who was still confused as to whether he'd need to drive Suzaku back to the hotel or not. "Don't worry so much Su-Chan." Hiten took his lover's hands into his own, trying to soothe his worries. "They'll love you," he assured, "Mama's been bugging me for years to get serious and finally bring one of my girlfriends home!"

"News flash!" Suzaku hissed sarcastically, "I am not a girl!"

"So what? Bankotsu wasn't either and he came home with me all the time."

"Alllllrighty thennn…" Suzaku drawled, "Now I'm definitely leaving."

But Hiten caught him easily and pulled him into an affectionate hug. "Awe, come on, my Su-Chan. It'll be okay. I love you…"

"Are you kidding? No amount of love is gonna make this okay!" Suzaku seethed. Was Hiten seriously that naïve? "You really expect me to follow you home while you tell your parents they will never have grandchildren? You think they're gonna be happy to meet me after I dragged you off to a different country? Happy to know you're marrying a **man **and never coming back home to them in Japan?"

"Well no…" Hiten admitted, "but it's not like I could just tell them over the phone or something. Gotta do it face to face right?"

"Um, no, we don't." Suzaku scoffed, "We don't have to do this at all. And I am not doing it. I'm leaving."

"Oh, you're just being stubborn," Hiten sighed, snuggling up to him, "everyone's shy meeting their future inlaws. Just follow me like a good little wife and everything will be fine."

"I am not your wife."

"You will be."

"No, I will be your husband."

At this Hiten nearly laughed. "Um, yeah right."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well you know… Just that you fit the role of 'wife' a lot better than I do."

"Are you calling me a bitch?"

"No, you're not a bitch. You're just like…. A bottom, catcher, uke, submissive, underdog type of guy…"

Suzaku couldn't even speak for a very long moment. He gave Hiten a strangled, suffering look. No show of exasperation could have sufficed. "You know what?"

"What my darling wife, Suzaku?"

"I'm not doing this." Suzaku said simply, "you can go fuck yourself with a knife and then-"

"But Su-Chan-"

"Don't interrupt me Hiten! I'm not done!" he cleared his throat, prodding Hiten painfully in the chest, "As I was saying; you can go fuck yourself with a knife and _then_ you can go get married to your giant, over-inflated ego! Because I am _so_ through with your bullshit!"

"Wow…"

"And you shut up!" Suzaku snapped, addressing their nosy limo driver. "Go wait in the car!"

"Yes sir!" the poor guy scrambled off, flustered, but Hiten wasn't moved at all. "You know," he swooned, snuggling up to Suzaku, "I love it when you yell like that…"

The redhead tugged on his own hair, hopelessly exasperated. Why in the world had he ever expected his horndog 'fiance' to ever take him seriously?

"Oh, I love you…" Hiten cooed, taking one of those sweet little hands into his own as he pulled Suzaku toward the front door of his home. "And my family will too. Come on and stop worrying my Su-Chan…" He led the way with total confidence, but Suzaku lagged behind; almost sick with dread. This was such a nightmare. Hopefully Hiten's parents didn't also notice how good he was with kids. And even so, hopefully they wouldn't mind that Suzaku would never even be able to provide him a child of his own… He pressed a hand miserably to his own stomach, wishing for the millionth time that he could feel a uterus beneath his fingers but at the moment his stomach felt like nothing more than a large mass of twisting nerves. Maybe he'd seriously puke…

The doorbell tolled menacingly and Suzaku dropped Hiten's hand, backing away from his smiling future husband as he prayed this horror movie would just hurry up and end. The door flew open and the woman within literally threw herself into Hiten's waiting arms. "Hi-Chan!" "Mama!"

Suzaku stood back, watching his powerful partner catch and spin her around, just as easily as he'd lifted his little sister. Once this ridiculous display of affection ended, Hiten set his mother down, grinning as she launched into what Suzaku thought was a very cliché motherly rant.

"My goodness, I thought you'd died since you never call! And what's this anyway? Do you just never cut your hair anymore? Is that why you ran off to America? So you could do crazy things like get new tattoos and grow out your hair?"

"No," Hiten chuckled, "I was off following my heart like you always told me to."

"Oh, is that so?" she fake-wondered and Hiten played along, gesturing so that his mother would finally turn around and notice Suzaku. "Mama, I want you to meet Mid-"

"Midari-Sama?"

Even Hiten was taken aback by her sudden gasp. His mother deadpanned and every ounce of color drained from her face as she stared, disbelieving, at Suzaku. Just like she'd seen a ghost.

Suzaku blinked back at her, not recognizing her at all. In his opinion she didn't even look much like Hiten himself. She was very short and sickly-looking, and seemed aged beyond her years. Her thin, silver glasses magnified large, frozen brown eyes. But somehow Suzaku's only thought was that she looked so much more alive than his own, much younger mother…

Hiten stepped in to break the awkward silence. "Mama… You know him already?"

"Can't be…" She finally shook her head, denying even though she'd just said his name.

Suzaku resisted the urge to back off, wanting very badly to snap 'Don't touch me!'  
But her hands were warm on his face and those big, disbelieving brown eyes still held kindness.

"You're dead." she whispered.

"Oh!" Finally realization hit him and Hiten immediately separated the two of them, before Suzaku caught on and started to get upset. "No, no Mama, you're mistaking him for someone else."

"Must be," she agreed vaguely, but at that moment the silence was completely shattered as someone else bounded out from the house and successfully tackled Hiten. "You've gotten soft!" This older, grinning version of Hiten cheered as he tumbled onto the grass and pinned his son. "Folks at 46 I am still the ultimate football star!"

"You cheated!" Hiten growled, struggling as what must have been his father chuckled heartily. "Nope, you just need more practice!" he assured, "gotta expect the unexpected!"

The two of them finally stood, still grinning and chattering on about football-related terms that Suzaku did not understand at all. And every now and then those big brown eyes darted back and forth as Hiten's mother gaped at the ghost in her front yard. 'You're dead,' she kept mouthing. Suzaku was very skilled with reading lips…

"Wow!" Suzaku turned as Hiten's father addressed him, "So you're the one that up and kidnapped my son, eh?"

"I suppose," was the redhead's timid reply.

"Knew it!" he bragged, "Prettiest little thing I ever did see. 'Cept my Hanna of course."

"Hanna?" Suzaku echoed, breathing a sigh of relief as Hiten came to his rescue, affectionately reattaching himself to his lover's side. "That's Mom's name." Hiten explained, finally taking the initiative to introduce each of them. "Mr and Mrs. Raiyuki; Hiten Sr, who I'm named after and Hanna… Please be kind enough to welcome my future husband; Midari Suzaku."

Wow. This moment had just come too fast. Hiten said that like it was the most normal thing ever and Suzaku grimaced as his future in-laws nearly tripped over each other in shock.

"Midari?" Hanna echoed, once she'd pulled herself back together.

"H- Husband?" was all Hiten Sr. could choke out.

"Whoa!" Apparently Souten had wandered back outside. "Hiten you're getting a boy wife?"

"No Neesan," Hiten politely clarified, "Su-Chan said he doesn't appreciate being called a wife. So he'll be my Husband okay?"

"Cool! A real live boy wife!"

"Oh crap…" Hiten Sr muttered, thinking aloud, "that gay stuff **is **legal in America isn't it?"

"Dad," Hiten fake-chuckled, flipping his father off behind Suzaku's back, "I love you, but I will still kick your ass…"

"Oh my gosh, I do know you!" Hanna finally realized, "you're Midari Kujaku's son!"

"Wait who?" Hiten questioned, shocked by the way his redheaded angel suddenly froze up.

"My boss," she explained, "He had a son I think."

"Wait, wait wait!" Hiten's father suddenly interjected, "You mean _the_ Midari Kujaku, like from the commercials? The guy from Midari inc, as in the huge, multi-billion dollar corporation?"

"Can't be…" Hiten turned to his now even more tense companion. "Su-Chan, that's not you right?"

"Um…"

"Has to be!' Hanna insisted, "I've worked for Midari for the past twenty years, right up until he died. He had that same long red hair and those big green eyes too." She leaned a bit closer, amazed by Suzaku.

"You look just like him…"

"I do not." Suzaku huffed, finally speaking up, "Oto-san was much taller. And I've got Mama's face, not his."

"Wait so Mom _does_ know you?" Hiten wondered, stunned.

"She knows my Father and his stupid namesake," Suzaku muttered.

"Well who doesn't!" Suddenly Hiten's father caught hold of his son and happily led the way back to the house. "Come in, come in! What are we doing freezing outside?"

"Ooh! I'll make the tea!" Hanna offered, running off ahead of them.

"Yay! Tea with Hiten's wife!" Souten cheered, bringing up the rear. "Mama can we have cookies too?"

"I don't see why not!"

"Yay!"

Suzaku followed along obediently, even though he would much rather have turned and left.  
He was both pleased and further troubled by this new development. In America he was lucky enough to duck the social stigma of being the son of such a wealthy, well-known icon, but now the cat was out of the bag. Not only would Hiten's family be getting a son-in-law and zero new grandchildren, but Hiten himself would soon realize that his innocent little naïve 'wife' was in fact a highly capable young man with zero need for a husband's financial support.

_Hopefully _that giant ego of his wouldn't be completely reduced to cinders…

Suzaku tried not to let out a sigh as he wandered into the house behind his possible future in-laws. 'Well they seem like nice people though…' The house itself was quite spacious and in his opinion, delightfully quaint. It was not nearly as eerily looming and spotlessly cleaned as his own family home. Souten's crayon drawings were pinned up all over the walls. Rollerblades and scooters littered the dining room, and the puppy's toys were scattered throughout.

Suzaku took the seat offered him, noting that the sofa was not much to look at, but very comfortable. A merrily crackling, decorative fire sparkled from the nearby hearth and the television chattered animatedly, calling out sports plays for a minute before Hiten politely shut it off. Suzaku also noticed his lover's short trip into the kitchen to unplug the telephone.

"Not those," Hiten interrupted, right before his mother put the chocolate-chip cookies into the oven. "Can we have sugar instead?"

"Thought you loved Chocolate," she mused, easily swapping them out.

"Well… not anymore," He promtly lied, and then he wandered off to the back with his father, motioning for Suzaku to stay put.

"Tah dah!"

"Why thank you," Suzaku knelt down, accepting the gift Souten had offered; another crayon drawing. "It's you!" she announced proudly. "What're the chances?" he wondered, showing her the one he was working on, "I'm drawing you too…"

"Whoa!" The little girl promptly snatched it up and ran over to show her mom. "Lookit Mama!"

Hanna shook her head, just barely looking up from the dinner she was preparing. "Souten please don't mess with daddy's painting collection…"

"I didn't." she informed, "Hiten's wife drew me."

"No way…" Hanna stared in disbelief at the picture; floored. Sure enough, it was just a very realistic drawing. "You're an artist?" she wondered, addressing the redhead at the table.

"I dabble here and there…" he replied, timidly returning to work on his newest picture. Hanna and Souten joined presently, both in awe of the puppy they could already recognize.

"It's Koryuu!"

"I graduated a four-year art school." Hanna whispered, "but I never made anything this beautiful…"

"Well thank you," Suzaku tittered, blushing, "but I'm better with paints."

"Me too!"

"And oil pastels…"

"Oh I love those!"

"Really? What is-"

"Suzaku Natsu Midari…" Hiten had finally returned from his very long father-son talk and was apparently very displeased. "Why did you not tell me you're inheriting one of the largest corporations in the whole fu-"

"No cussing Hi-Chan!" Hanna scolded, "And don't interrupt so rudely! Let Midari-Kun show us his drawing!"

"Mama will you butt out? I am trying to talk to **my**fiance!"

"Stingy!" the girls chorused. "You're no fun!" Souten whined, until Suzaku spoke up, readily addressing Hiten's complaint. "I didn't tell you because I really don't care."

"You don't care." Hiten echoed, scoffing "Suzaku, are you crazy?"

"No, I just don't care." Suzaku repeated, "And I don't appreciate you calling me crazy."

'Whoa, wait, what the fuck?' Had Suzaku just talked back to him? Like seriously talked back to Hiten Raiyuki who could break him in half like a twig? Surely not. Surely Suzaku didn't even understand the serious nature of this situation…

"Suzaku, do you have any idea how much money-"

"I have money already."

"How much?"

"…"

"Suzaku I asked you a question."

"Enough."

"Enough for what?"

"Enough for us to go without working a single day for the rest of our lives…"

"And you just decided not to tell me?"

"You never asked."

And that was it. Hiten just stared, offering his now butchered masculinity a moment of reverent silence. "Um… We need to talk."

"No we don't."

"Suzaku do not make me come over there."

"Hiten, do not talk to me like I'm a child."

'What in the seven hells has gotten into my wife?' Hiten didn't know if he should feel insulted or humbled. He'd talked down to Suzaku many times before and never gotten a reaction like this. Wasn't his Su-Chan the timid, naïve type that just went along with everything he said? 'It's like I'm talking to a whole different person…'

Suzaku merely glared at his lover in silence, trying to ignore the relatives they were supposed to be visiting. But now Hiten really did look more like his mother. His eyes were wide and searching, as if he were looking right through Suzaku, at a ghost instead. Those chocolate eyes finally saw Kujaku in the dark green ones before him.

'I'm _not_ him!' he suddenly wanted to yell, even as the voices hissed their disagreement, inspired by the tense, stressful atmosphere. 'Damnit.' Why did this have to happen now? Right when they were finally engaged? 'I'm nothing like him.' Suzaku kept telling himself, but inside he knew it wasn't true. He'd long since realized he was just as quick-witted and capable as his father had been. Those sharp green eyes passed down with the high IQ and intuition. And soon that company would also be rightfully his... 'But I don't want them. I want Hiten!' Maybe it wasn't too late to fix this. Maybe he should apologize and back down; be the submissive, naïve little redhead Hiten was already used to… Maybe, if Suzaku was lucky, he could convince Hiten to forget this whole thing. Even if it meant donating all of that filthy money to charity he would do it to avoid a fight. Suzaku Midari wanted so badly to just be rid of his last name. To be rid of this red hair and green eyes; to shake off Kujaku's shadow forever…

'With this wedding it can really happen.' Finally, finally he would be reborn like the phoenix was meant to. 'A **real **family. A new name.' Suzaku Raiyuki; young and free like giggling Souten yet wise and talented like artistic Hanna…

But he'd have to put things right with his prospective husband first. Yet how could that be done? Lately Hiten had been insisting that Suzaku be honest with him, but that honesty was only rocking the boat. Their perfect prewedding family reunion had somehow turned into 'we need to talk,' and those were the four most dreaded words one could ever hear in a relationship! Oh, Suzaku just wanted to delete this entire morning and start over! Why had he ever agreed to this?

Fighting off the urge to start pulling his hair out, Suzaku put on a fake, forcibly-calmed air and made to fulfill Hiten's wish. All the while his mind buzzed with possibilities. What should be done? Say what Hiten wanted to hear and be submissive again, or tell him the not so pretty truth? That company could burn to the ground for all Suzaku cared…

"If you'll excuse me," Suzaku bowed to Mrs. Raiyuki and Souten before obediently following his lover back outside. Hiten closed the door behind them, looking like he was having a very difficult time smothering his annoyance. "I can not believe you kept this from me."

Suzaku wasn't moved. "That stupid company can run itself until it collapses for all I care," he responded, offering only calm, blunt honesty, "I will not come back to Japan. Ever."

There, he'd said it, and meant it with all of his heart. But at the moment that very same heart was constricting with pain. He didn't even want to look at Hiten. Suzaku hated this. He didn't want to be assertive and level headed. He wanted to be bubble-headed and naïve like pretty little Ja-Chan. But if they were getting married then that company would be in Hiten's family name, fifty percent Hiten's company, and so Suzaku would have to make his intentions for it clear. Accepting a huge responsibility like running that company would mean moving back to Japan and thereby forfeiting the American legality of same-sex marriage.

So there was a clearcut choice: more money than he could possibly imagine, or Hiten? And for Suzaku that decision was already made.

"I'm sorry for not telling you sooner," he offered, "but I have absolutely no desire to claim Midari inc or any of the money associated with it."

Simple and clean. Suzaku refused. Hiten was silent for a very long moment. Maybe he was speechless. And when Suzaku turned around to regard him, he was almost amused by the shock on his face. 'Who are you?' those big brown eyes wondered, 'and what have you done with my Su-Chan?'

It was a bit painful to see him like that. 'This is what I get for lying to him so much…'

"I'm…" Apparently Hiten had finally found his voice, or at least half of it, "just really surprised by all this um… stuff. You acting like this…"

"Well you wanted me to be honest," Suzaku sighed. Unfortunately he just couldn't help the fact that he was who he was. Maybe the real him was no longer ideal for Hiten's tastes. This new Suzaku that insisted he was not a possession or a woman and would not live in Japan… The assertive, less-than-innocent Suzaku that really would like to watch Bankotsu bleed and burn his father's company to the ground… He turned away to gaze absently out at the unfamiliar yet lovely front yard of the Raiyuki family home... "You probably thought I was stupid, huh Hiten…" he murmured, "stupid and crazy and hopeless without you, right?"

"No I-"

"Yes you did. And now you're upset because you realize I could get along just fine on my own... You're upset because it's finally sinking in that you really are getting a husband instead of a wife…"

"But you never acted like this before!" was Hiten's exasperated and very predictable response. "You were always sweet and sick and… And especially with this whole Schizophrenia thing, I thought you needed someone to take care of you…"

"Well I don't." Even as he said this the voices whispered in his head, but with Lilly to stifle them Suzaku hardly noticed. Even the visual hallucinations continued but would affect him only as much as he allowed. He was finally brave enough to come out of hiding. Even knowing that Hiten was watching him, Suzaku absently held out one of those thin, pale arms and let the two redbirds flutter down to land. 'They are both hallucinations,' he told himself, watching those vibrant feathers bristle as those beady eyes shone bright blue in the sun. He could feel the delicate bite of claws on his arm and the gently rustling wind from their flapping wings. But Hiten, he knew, could neither see nor feel any of that…

"Paranoid Schizophrenics are what they call 'high functioning,'" he absently quoted, "meaning most of the time you can't even tell we have Schizophrenia..."

As he said this, at least two dozen more imaginary birds sprang into existence right in front of him, fluttering about in a flurry of vibrant colors. Suzaku's sharp green eyes could count every feather, but Hiten didn't notice even one of them…

"I know what's what. Real and not," The redhead sighed, absently listening as his birds twittered and sang. "And even though I'm pretty and small… I really am a man, just like you."

'I guess that's true…' Hiten was just barely able to digest all of this. He watched Suzaku almost without recognizing him and now wondered what he never had before. Why did Suzaku keep his hair long like a girl's? His fingernails polished? And why didn't he ever work out? Why keep his body thin and feminine and weak?

'Because he wanted me to think… that he needed me.'

This realization was so sudden for Hiten; whiplash from a carwreck he himself had caused. 'I asked him to be honest and this is what I get.' But was this okay or not? Was it right for them to remain together, even with this new development? Did he truly want a husband instead of a wife? 'Marriage…' What did that word mean anyway? Two halves that become one; a dominant half to lead and a submissive to follow along? Or two separate and equally whole partners working and living together?

What did Hiten want Suzaku to be? A submissive pet or an assertive partner?..

And it wasn't just his body that mislead. Suzaku's mannerisms were all submissive, sickly and above all… he'd seemed so lonely.

"So Su-Chan… This is the real you right? You have your own company and everything. There's people here that recognize you when you've never met them. Commercials and shit. Like you're a celebrity. So why the hell have you been hiding in America all this time?"

"Because I knew it would turn you off if you found out about my family…"

"But if your dad's dead then everything he left is yours right?"

"Not just yet," the redhead clarified, "but once I turn twenty-five I'll inherit that dirty company, just like _he _wanted, so I'll have to come back and formally renounce my inheritance."

"But why?"

"Because I don't want anything to do with it. I picked you instead." Suzaku said that like it was so simple. Hiten could see those lovely green eyes following objects that didn't exist and silently cursed himself for wondering again if Suzaku was thinking clearly or not…

No wonder it was so difficult to buy Suzaku gifts. He honestly wanted nothing but Hiten. Everything he'd done for so many years had centered around getting and keeping Hiten by his side… 'Now _that _is insane.'

"Su-Chan…" Hiten paused, not wanting to offend by sharing his thoughts, but Suzaku gave him a nod, urging him to continue. "Well… You asked me just this morning if I was even happy. Now you're saying you'll throw all of this away just because you want to marry me?" How much did this marriage mean to Suzaku anyway? It was obviously much more than just some ceremony or a signed legal document… he had nothing to gain and everything to lose by agreeing to it. Suzaku dodged, apparently catching on, but Hiten insisted he listen.

"Let's be realistic here, Suzaku you're only what? Twenty?"

"Nineteen."

"That's even worse! This is your **entire **future we're talking about. Keep your inheritance and you'll be set for life. Money is a pretty sure bet. But weddings and shit? That sounds pretty and all but none of that's very reliable you know…"

"Seems like you forgot who you're talking to," Suzaku scoffed, "don't you remember that I'm that guy that wanted you dead just so we could be together? I'd rather live five minutes as your husband than fifty years as Bill Gates."

"Whose that?"

Suzaku rolled his eyes, recalling the many days Hiten had spent flirting with Bankotsu instead of actually paying attention in class. "The owner of the Microsoft corporation…"

Hiten just shrugged that off. "Well I don't care about him, I care about you. And I think you're being ridiculous. Why would you choose someone unpredictable, like me, over something guaranteed? That company won't just get pissed at you one day and wander out the door…"

"Neither would a _real _husband."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Til' death do us part right? That's what you said, and I believed you."

'_I will trust in you.' _That's right. Suzaku had promised only last night. He had to continually remind himself of that just to force out the honest answers. Maybe Hiten didn't actually believe this was happening. Paranoia couldn't just be willed away afterall, but that didn't mean an old dog couldn't learn a new trick. Living with a man that wouldn't take advantage and abuse him? Now that was a very new concept for Suzaku… But if Hiten was even asking these questions… 'Then he must really care about me. Logically, Hiten should just hurry and marry me so he would also be set for life…' He was obviously showing concern for Suzaku's well-being, rather than being blinded by riches…

Maybe Hiten had read his mind. He leaned closer then and Suzaku forced himself not to startle as those hands slid up his sides. Hiten's fingers traced gently as he brought them up to entwine with Suzaku's. Did he notice the harassed doves scattering, disturbed from their perch? He pulled Hiten closer, instinctively but startled when his embrace tightened across his very flat, male chest.

"Well… what about your future Hiten?" Suzaku wondered, "You don't mind never having a real wife? No family of your own?"

'Oh yeah,' Hiten mused, 'Suzaku did mention something about grandchildren earlier.' Hiten hadn't really paid it much thought, but now he realized that was probably his parent's first concern as well. With his brother Manten dead and his sister being female, the family name would end with Hiten Jr. 'Yeah, but that was inevitable anyway.' Ever since he'd met Bankotsu in freshman year. How many women had Hiten dated since? At least fifty, yet he couldn't remember any of their names…

If only children didn't require female partners… "Hmm, I guess I'd like kids if they were yours."

'Sarcasm at a time like this…' Suzaku chuckled wryly at that response, absently leaning back as Hiten embraced him from behind. "Miniature redhead psychos?"

"But I think I've got my hands full with one of those already…"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah…"

Silence fell between them then, broken only by the twittering of birds and the whispers in Suzaku's ears. But for some reason the redhead felt he'd never been more at peace…

Hiten was first to speak again, contemplating aloud. "But it seems like such a waste to just throw Midari Inc away."

"Then marry me already," the redhead shrugged, hopping down to stand in the grass. "If you're my husband it's your company too. Give it to your dad or whatever."

"Well… okay I guess." Why hadn't Hiten thought of that already? Raiyuki Inc? That had a nicer ring to it…

Absently Hiten found himself smiling as he watched Suzaku wander off into the grass and begin to dance with his invisible birds. Just like that day he'd caught him twirling in the rain; carefree and radiant. It was times like this that reminded just how young his lover really was. 'And he'd be lonely without me right?' How embarrassing that Suzaku had read right into the reason for his annoyance… 'Well I guess it's a silly thing to worry about.' Suzaku still needed him, wealthy or not. Just like how Hiten's own bank balance paled in comparison with Suzaku's affection.

'Well whatever.' So much for the irresponsible, childish 'wife' he thought he'd be marrying. This redhead never ceased to amaze, and likewise Hiten could never stop being enthralled with his majestic radiance…

He took Suzaku's hand almost without thinking and joined in on his impromptu waltz.

Life itself was such an adventure with him; a rollercoaster of ups and downs… What other secrets lie in these lovely green eyes? Hiten shrugged off his worries, dancing along in more ways than one. Life was more satisfying afterall, without some blueprint to follow…

"Never knew Hi-Chan could dance," Hanna whispered, ducking infront of the window to watch the two lovebirds twirling together in her front yard.

"How romantic…" Souten swooned.

"We're gonna be filthy rich," Hiten Sr. bragged. He too felt like dancing, but only wound up slipping in a large puddle of puppy urine. Souten and Hanna only giggled, cheerfully refusing to help him up. "Ugh," he groaned, "I hate you girls..."

Outside the two danced on, completely oblivious to their audience.

"I love you so…" Hiten sighed, capturing those sweet pink lips in his own. Suzaku felt his heart start to flutter just like those birds. Ill or not? Rich o not? Husband or wife; leader or follower, it suddenly mattered so little. They were together and that was enough. And maybe this day was not such a nightmare. Perhaps it would turn out to be a dream come true instead. The cooing doves took flight, scattering snow-white feathers like swirling, frozen rain.

"Shall we go pick our rings now?" his Hiten then mused, absently stealing a kiss. And Suzaku obliged, almost wanting to cry.

"I thought you'd never ask…"


	38. Cat Meets Dog

disclaimer  
I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, Suzaku, Hiten or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.  
(Although I wish I did own those adorable, wonderful, super kawaii, sexy little sons of...ahem! anyways)  
I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.  
I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.  
- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

(AN: The past and present finally come to a head. Skeletons in the closet. Four men are faced with the dirty, shameful secrets they'd tried so hard to bury. Will past mistakes tear them apart or does the future still stand a ghost of a chance?)

**Not For All The World**

**Chapter Thirty-Eight: Cat Meets Dog  
**

* * *

"I don't think I can do this."

"Oh come on. You said you wanted-"

"No!"

Bankotsu only chuckled as he held open the car door for his beautiful date. "Well I'll just have to stand here waiting all night then. Cuz I'm not going anywhere without you."

In response Jakotsu only ducked behind the elegant little fan he held. In Bankotsu's opinion, he looked amazing draped in so many beautiful silk kimono. His hair was pinned up just like a real geisha with those butterfly pins, and he'd even perfected the eye and lip makeup. The only thing one could use to tell him from any other geisha, would be the blue tattoos he'd refused to cover with white cream. But that only made him look more charming. Afterall, Bankotsu wasn't interested in having anyone mistake his date for a woman.

He still didn't quite understand the reason behind Jakotsu's cross-dressing, but figured that would come in time. It made Jakotsu happy. He knew that much, and so he would just have to learn to accept it. The weird stares, pointing and whispering… All of the things he'd hated and been so ashamed of in high school. Now was the time to finally just release the negative energy and just… live!

So here Bankotsu stood, dressed exactly as he had all those years ago; reliving prom night.  
'This is the way it should have been.' No more secrets or lies, just perfectly male Bankotsu and his perfectly cross-dressed other half enjoying a night out together.

"Here we go."

Jakotsu grimaced as he finally accepted Bankotsu's help in exiting the vehicle. Now that he'd experienced American nightlife, he came to realize that in Tokyo, there were literally people everywhere. The sun had only just begun to set, but as usual, that hardly mattered. The crowd hadn't thinned at all. And it was so annoying that they'd have to park so far away from their actual destination and walk the rest of the way! 'Stupid city!'  
The more he walked, the more people bustled by, gawking at him. He was very tall, especially considering the fact that he was Japanese, and so must have looked quite bizarre. It didn't help that Jakotsu was dressed like a woman and was holding hands with the much shorter and obviously male Bankotsu. Normally Jakotsu would not give a fuck. Many a day he'd wandered out on the town with adorable Suzaku by his side, wearing ridiculously eye-catching feminine apparel just for the hell of it. But this was the very first time Bankotsu would also be there to experience it. Even now, after an hour of being out with him, Jakotsu was still shocked that his easily embarrassed lover had allowed him to dress so blatantly girl-like for their date.

For some reason the stilettos felt so much taller than two inches, and Bankotsu looked so much more handsome in his suit… Their hands clasped and fingers entwined almost automatically, and Jakotsu could already feel the wet result of his lover's nerves on his palm.  
"You don't have to do this Aisuru…"

Bankotsu totally ignored that. He simply kicked the car door closed and led the way down the street. "First we'll go somewhere nice for dinner," he announced, "and after that you can take me to all your favorite shops and I'll buy you everything you want."

"Really?"

The cross-dresser had nearly tripped as he said that, due to the surprise, and again Bankotsu wondered why he insisted on wearing heels with those kimono. They didn't match. But perhaps that was just another of Jakotsu's cute little quirks. Besides, they did make his hips look nice…  
"Really, really. And I'll carry all the bags too."

"Oh wow," Jakotsu swooned, gazing off at the starless city sky, "Aisuru that's like… my dream come true."

"Well I know… I've always known." As he said this Bankotsu sincerely hoped the nerves weren't affecting his voice. For every step they took there were five new gaping stares. He'd hardly noticed the strangers on the streets until today. 'But from now on I don't care.' He sped up a bit, carefully keeping up the pace with those long, sexy legs as he walked as close to his lover as possible and put an arm around him. 'This one's mine,' this stance announced, 'and I don't care what you think of it.'

"We can go out every weekend from now on."

"Really?"

"Yep."

* * *

"Oh my god, I'm so happy I could dieeeeee!"

"I know, I know but could you quiet down now?"

"No!" Suzaku let out a most uncharacteristic cackle as the waiter finally returned to the table to pour the wine. "This is the finest-" he had begun but the redhead cut him off. Bright pink nails shone almost as gleaming as the many diamonds on the ring that was shoved in his face. "Look, look! We're getting married!"

"Well congratulations," the waiter bowed, polite but obviously embarrassed. He was much better off than Hiten, however, who had just given up on separating his face from the table.

"Suzaku will you please give it a rest?"

"No, I want everyone to see my ring!"

"They already do!" he groaned, "it's got freakin' seven rocks on it!"

"Maybe I shoulda got a bigger one?" Suzaku mumbled aloud. "Or pink diamonds?"

"Pink looks awful with your hair."

The redhead paused, gazing down at the serious look on Hiten's face. "You're so gay!" he teased, "I bet you have better fashion sense than Ja-Chan!"

"Yeah right, Hiten wishes!"

Suzaku bolted out of his seat like he'd just been bitten on the ass. "Ja-Chan!"  
"You've gotta be kidding." Hiten cursed his life as he turned and realized that Jakotsu had indeed just wandered into the very same restaurant! What were the odds? 'Does Kami-sama really hate me this much?'

Suzaku literally threw himself at his best friend while Hiten just waved off the waiter. "He'll order eventually I promise."

"Oh my gawwwwwwwdddd! They're real aren't they?"

"All seven!"

"That's my favorite number!"

"Mine too!"

"You look so cute!"

"You're so much cuter!"

"Kyaaaaaaaaa!"

'Just one more day.' Hiten reminded himself, 'then it's back to nice quiet America with my nice quiet fiance in my nice quiet house.' Yeah, if he kept telling himself that, maybe he wouldn't lose his mind. And besides, he too was excited about the upcoming wedding. Now he wondered why he hadn't thought of this sooner. Marrying Suzaku would mean laying many of their fears to rest. He could finally feel at ease, comfortable and safe in the warm confines of matrimonial insurance. 'Mine.' that greatest, most comforting notion would finally be realized. And undoubtedly the status of a real, legitimate spouse would also do wonders for Suzaku's anxiety and less anxiety meant less symptoms. Finally they would have a more healthy, honest relationship.

And that was definitely worth being humiliated in public every now and then…

Hiten's thoughts were then very rudely interrupted when that obnoxious cross-dresser took the seat right beside him. "Hey Hiten!" Jakotsu's voice was high-pitched and teasing, "You better take good care of my innocent little princess."

"I know how to take care of Su-Chan," was his simple reply, but Jakotsu only used it against him. "Like you took care of me, ne? All night lon-"

Hiten had clapped a hand over those sneering red lips; mortified. "My god has no one ever told you it's trashy to kiss and tell?"

Jakotsu's words were muffled then, but Hiten assumed he'd said something along the lines of,  
"I think it's totally hot…"

"Me too!" the mischievous Su-Chan piped up, "Ja-Chan tell me, tell me!"

"Don't encourage him Su- Ugh!" Hiten pulled his now saliva-drenched hand back to himself; disgusted, but Jakotsu only cackled with glee. "Mmm, Hiten flavor."

"I love you guys," Suzaku swooned, causing both of his companions to blush, "So much fun."  
"We're a pretty good team," Jakotsu agreed, offering Hiten a well-appreciated napkin.

"Yeah," was Hiten's sarcastic groan, "aside from the bloodspray and homicide attempts…"

"I kinda like the blood," their queen admitted, suddenly starting, "Oh yeah! Hiten lookit this, I still got your lovebites!"

'Ouch.' Hiten absently reached over to tilt Jakotsu's delicate chin upwards. The cross dresser practically melted, just from being touched by him, and seemed very proud of the painful-looking hickeys about his collar. Most were almost entirely concealed with makeup, but the worst of them; the actual bitemark was still raised and highly visible. "Wow," he mumbled, thinking aloud, "I'm kinda sorry I hurt you Ja-Chan…"

Unfortunately this confession only launched Jakotsu and Suzaku into another giggling fit.  
"You owe Ja-Chan an apology!" the redhead teased.  
"Yeah, Hiten!" Jakotsu snickered, "I think you owe me a kiss."

"Oh my gawwwd, yes!" Suzaku egged, whipping out his cellphone to switch it into camera mode. "Hiten kiss him!"

"Why?"

"You have to obey cuz your wife said so!"

"Husband," Hiten corrected, "Su-Chan is a boy. I like him better as a boy."  
Unfortunately this little tidbit, which he'd shared time and again, set both Jakotsu and Suzaku off on another ridiculous spell of giggling and squealing.  
"Oh my gawwwwwwwwd he said husband!"

"I know! And I met his parents and everything!"

"Ahh! That's so classic!"

"I know!"

"You gonna wear a white dress too?"

"Totally!"

"No he's not!"

"Awe! Hiten, you're no fun!"

"It would look good on him!"

"No it wouldn't!"

"Yes it would!"

'I'm going to kill him.' Hiten decided then, trying to tune out their sudden banter about wedding dresses. 'I am seriously going to kill him if he infects my Su-Chan with whatever crazy, gender confused disease he's got swimming around in his head…'

"Don't worry, I don't think cross-dressing is contagious."

The mind reading Bankotsu had probably meant that as a joke, but his sudden appearance only caused an equally sudden and even more awkward hush to fall. Apparently Jakotsu had forgotten that his date had only temporarily left him unaccompanied to visit the restroom, because even he looked stunned to see Bankotsu wander back over, right into enemy territory. "Oh, shit."

"Well said," Hiten groaned.

Both Jakotsu and Hiten looked up just in time to see the lightning flash between those green and blue glaring eyes. That cellphone slipped out of Suzaku's hands with a clatter and disappeared, much like the grin he'd only just been sporting. 'I want you dead.' the atmosphere suddenly announced as the very air thickened into a pea soup consistency. If looks could kill, both Bankotsu and Suzaku would have been laid out already, but instead the two merely glared in their sudden deathly silent staredown.

"Ano…" Apparently only Hiten had the balls to attempt to break the ice, "So Ban, I guess you've already met my fiance…"

Bankotsu offered a curt nod, suddenly becoming aware of the still stinging red cut on his face.  
"Once, yeah. The pretty redhead that dragged you off to America."

"Well actually I just kind of followed h-"

"You make me fucking sick." Suzaku had finally been able to find words foul enough to spit at the man he'd silently hated for so long. "I hate your guts Bankotsu RaiAme."

"Well good!" was Bankotsu's immediate retort, "because I hated you before I even knew you existed Suzaku Midari!"

"Wait, wait wait!" Both Hiten and Jakotsu stood at that moment, turning automatically to separate them before they were able to get ahold of each other. Luckily Hiten matched Bankotsu's strength and Ja-Chan was fast enough to catch Suzaku.

"Don't Su-Chan, that's my Aisuru…" those red lips whispered, trying to dissuade the pink nails that so desperately wanted to be digging into Bankotsu's neck. Suzaku didn't even struggle in his best friend's grip, though Jakotsu's hold could do little to smother his fury.

"You spineless, cheating son of a bitch," he hissed, "it's your fault my Ja-Chan is never happy and my Hiten is so insecure!"

"What the fuck ever, Midari." Bankotsu growled, "If you're such a perfect boyfriend then how come Hiten never noticed you in high school."

"Because he was too busy being cheated on by you!"

"Right. And I'm sure he's so much happier being pussy-whipped by you!"

"You are just a stupid, stereotypical brainless jock."

"And you're a selfish, whiny little fag-bitch."

"I have a right to be selfish cuz Hiten belongs to me!"

"Sorry I forgot." Bankotsu growled, his voice dripping with sarcasm, "Everyone has a right to drag their boyfriends off to a different country! Gee, that's not insecure and clingy or anything…"

"What the fuck do you know?"

"The same thing anyone with eyes can see!"

"Ugh, you are so fucking jealous!"

"No, I'm just pissed at you, for running Hiten's life!"

"No, you're just jealous because you can't!"

"I wouldn't cuz I'm not such a bitch!"

"You won't cuz he's mine and not yours!"

The two continued like that while poor Jakotsu and Hiten held them apart, both cursing their lives as the inevitable shit continued to hit the fan and spray around the room. Bankotsu and Suzaku seemed able to fight tirelessly, like cat and dog; gnashing fangs and flexing claws. The two had obviously been waiting for this moment.

"Maybe if we just leave them like this they'll wear themselves out," Jakotsu offered, speaking over Bankotsu's growling to reach Hiten. "Doubt it." He replied. "but hey, can I hold Su-Chan instead? It's so hot when he yells…"

"What're you a masochist?"

"Hypocrite. You're a total sadist.'

"What's going on here?" The waiter had wandered back over to the table, presumably to try to calm things down before the other customers got upset.

"Well," Hiten explained, "we kind of accidentally…"

"Slept with each other's boyfriends." Jakotsu finished helpfully.

"Oh, wow… All four of you?"

"Pretty much."

"How'd that happen?"

"Long story I guess…" Hiten raised his eyes to the ceiling as if he genuinely couldn't explain it so Jakotsu piped up again. "It was fun though."

"At the time sure."

"Totally."

"Yeah it was worth it."

"We should do it again."

"Yeah definitely."

"You still owe me a kiss."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, Su-Chan said so…"

Well they were being shoved closer together by their cat and dog partners already, so Hiten turned around and easily caught hold of Jakotsu instead.

At that point everything fell silent. Suddenly there was no more growling or hissing, since Suzaku and Bankotsu had both frozen to stare incredulously at their respective boyfriends. Both had been released and could now kill each other if they wanted, but were much too distracted.

"What the fuck Aisuru!" Poor Bankotsu almost choked on that question, but Jakotsu couldn't answer anyway since his mouth was full of Hiten.

"Oh, you've never seen them do that…" Suzaku muttered vaguely, apparently enraptured. "Kinda hot but…"

"…You're both whores." How profound. Bankotsu and his worst enemy had just realized the very same thing at the very same time. Maybe the suction-like sound of the other two breaking apart had triggered this discovery. "Total, complete whores…"

"Oh, you've only just noticed?" Jakotsu laughed.  
"You only live once," Hiten shrugged.

Bankotsu and Suzaku took one more look at each other and then promptly switched places to drag their boyfriends away from each other.

"There we go." The waiter actually seemed amused by these antics and politely drew up four chairs for them. "Now can I take your orders?"

Those words were like a magic spell. Suddenly each of them realized that not only had they just totally humiliated themselves in public, but they'd been out on the town all night with nothing to eat. Rightly humbled and embarrassed, the four promptly quieted down and obeyed the waiter.

"Oh yeah I forgot it's a restaurant…"  
"I'm starving."  
"This place is so nice…"  
"Wonder if they have unagi rolls…"

Each of them took a seat with Hiten and Jakotsu carefully separating their cat and dog lovers and promptly became engrossed with their menus.

"I want number four, with a side of 'Thank god Su-Chan is so easily distracted.'" Hiten decided, "and the chocolate cheesecake."

"Then I'll have number three with 'Not quite I still hate your best friend's guts.' to drink" was Suzaku's witty retort. "Also strawberry torte."

"I'd like a large order of 'can't we all just get along' house special soup." Jakotsu suggested.

"And an 'enough with the bad puns' appetizer sampler." Bankotsu finished.

All five of them failed spectacularly at holding in their laughter then, and the waiter waved merrily as he hurried off to fetch the appetizers.

"That guy deserves a huge tip." Hiten mumbled, once he'd caught his breath.

"The food industry is tough work," Bankotsu agreed, "I was a waiter once!"

"No kidding?" the pampered Suzaku was obviously amazed with the thought of actually being employed. "Wow, wonder what that's like…"

"Kinda like school except with bitchy managers instead of teachers," he explained.

The waiter returned then and placed two large trays of various appetizers in the center of the table. Jakotsu and Hiten simultaneously reached for the lambstrips while Suzaku and Bankotsu swooned over the shrimp cocktails.

'They're so alike. No wonder they hated each other!'  
Not one of these men realized they'd just thought the same thing at the exact same time, but each found himself lulled into a comfortable stupor. Food, friends and forgetting to care about society. What could have been better?

* * *

Five hours passed like five minutes. Dinner flew by; a haze of rich sauces, hearty dishes and colorful desserts. Then five shopping locations turned into twenty. Suzaku proved to be in a much better mood following his strawberry torte. He had never been good with strangers or crowded locations, but tonight he stuck closely and quietly to his Hiten and only wound up shoving twelve strangers out of his space with his usual snap of 'Don't touch me!' Bankotsu found this very amusing. He burst out laughing each time, mocking the harassed look on the stranger's faces and marveled at the way Suzaku seemed to suddenly summon up so much strength in shoving them so far.

Jakotsu talked himself out of thirteen pairs of new stilettos, but Suzaku talked him back into five.  
"I'll wear them in your honor," the cross-dresser promised when Hiten insisted Suzaku should never even touch shoes like that.

And believe it or not the beauty salon was Bankotsu's pick. "For my hair," he explained, showing off the blue gloss to his best friend's dismay. "I thought that was natural, Ban!"  
"Just lookit this porcelain peach!" Jakotsu had found the foundation. "And cherry sorbet!" Suzaku agreed, perusing the lipgloss display. "I'll get one that's flavored," he slyly admitted, "so Hiten won't throw it away."

"This rouge is just perfect, made for your cheeks!" the clerk had assured. Jakotsu agreed and Suzaku blushed pink but Hiten just snapped back, "My ass!"

And when all was said and done, two boys were laden with bags and boxes; ridiculous purchases of their drama queen lovers and the other two sped on ahead, whispering their mischievous plans.

"Let's go try on uniforms, just like cosplay girls."

"Okay, that's this one!" Jakotsu took Suzaku's hand and yanked him right into the little clothing shop, both men tittering like cheerful birds.

When those delicate fingers entwined with Jakotsu's, Hiten immediately started. That familiar pang of jealousy rose within him, but he carefully smothered it, turning away to pretend he hadn't noticed. He set down the many bags he was still carrying and absently massaged the marks they'd left on his arms.

'Bankotsu,' his mind kept singing, as if the scar there were written in musical notes. Coincidentally, the one who'd inspired this mark was standing only a few feet from Hiten. It was nothing short of a miracle. Hiten had honestly thought they'd never be able to just 'hang out' like this again…

"You look so cute in that!" Jakotsu's high-pitched voice interrupted Hiten's thoughts. Somehow he'd already talked Suzaku into trying on one of the many schoolgirl uniforms. The redhead twirled daintily, apparently very pleased with the way the cute little skirt hugged his perfect hips. Funny that Jakotsu and Suzaku seemed obliviously joyful; as if this were the natural state of things. 'Shouldn't best friends always be together?'

But no sooner had Hiten thought this than he caught sight of his own best friend and decided he must be mistaken. Bankotsu's eyes were probably the most gorgeous jewels in all of existence, but at the moment they were downcast, seeming to mimic the stormy grey sky that Jakotsu's gaze usually showed.

He looked lonely, for some reason, even though his lover and closest high school friend had spent the entire day entertaining him. Maybe their presence only reminded of his past mistakes. 'Or maybe he's missing me already…'

Bankotsu looked up but Hiten quickly averted his gaze, pretending to be interested in their cross-dressing companions. It seemed like Bankotsu had something to say to him, but Hiten seriously doubted the safety of having any kind of conversation with him when Suzaku was so nearby. Suzaku, who by the way, looked so deceptively innocent in that sweet little skirt.

"He's so beautiful." It was merely an afterthought, but Hiten felt bad for having voiced that opinion to Bankotsu of all people. Of course, however, that didn't make it any less of a true statement. Everything about Suzaku was beautiful tonight. He stood in front of a mirror with Jakotsu, having taken off his shoes, and began to strike various, dainty little poses, puckering those glossy pink lips and wagging his adorable invisible tail.

Suzaku must have felt Hiten's eyes on him because he turned around and hurried right over with his radiant little smirk and infectious, giggling tone. "Oh, Hiten Hiten, please say you like this one!"

"Hmmm," he pretended to think for a moment, hiding his amusement as the adorable redhead bit one of those plump pink lips. If Suzaku were to turn around, his long red hair would actually cover more of his legs than the little black skirt. "Maybe I do…"

"Really?" Suzaku lit up like Christmas and immediately clasped their hands together. "Can I have it? Please, please please?"

"Depends." Hiten dodged, loving the way Suzaku nosed his way closer like a hyper little puppy. "On what?" he insisted, "I won't wear it in public if you don't want me too. I promise!"

"What's the point of buying it then?" Hiten wondered, immediately regretting as Jakotsu also nosed his way closer. "He can still wear it in bed," the mischievous queen reminded, "that's where I'll be wearing mine…"

He sauntered right back off, dragging Bankotsu and his wallet right up to the register.  
'He's seriously crazy,' Hiten mused, watching as Jakotsu ripped the price tag right off his skirt and handed it over to the cashier. But this very unorthodox method of purchasing clothes seemed to only excite Suzaku more. "See, Bankotsu bought one for Jakotsu!" he pouted.

"Because Jakotsu is like, a woman or something." Hiten scoffed.  
"Well you would know," was Suzaku's immediate retort, "since you fucked him."

"Yes, I would know," Hiten scoffed, unfazed, "just like how you know that I like you better as a boy…"

Suzaku fell silent then, wheeling around to catch another look at himself in the mirror. Hiten could practically hear the conflicting thoughts bouncing around in his head. Little bubbles of 'It's so cute!' and 'what if Hiten really doesn't like it?' jumbled up and spun around; internally warring. And why did he have to act so adorable anyway? It wasn't as if Hiten could ever actually refuse those pouty pink lips…

"Go put your clothes back on already," he instructed, giving Suzaku a sharp slap on his wagging tail. "Can't buy it while you're wearing it." The redhead sped off toward the dressing room, giggling sweetly. "I love you Hiten!"

"Whatever," he scoffed, glaring as Jakotsu sauntered back over, still wearing his newly purchased schoolgirl uniform. "You know you like them," he teased, feigning surprise as he dropped his hairpin and bent right over in front of Hiten to pick it up. "Nice view righ- ouch!"

The way Jakotsu yelped was nothing short of hilarious. Apparently he hadn't expected Hiten to just reel back and slap his ass too.

"Douchebag…" the queen hissed, massaging the flaming red mark on his stinging behind.

"Set yourself up for that one," Bankotsu snickered, looking almost identical to his cocky, grinning best friend. "Rai-Chan just beat me to it."

"Well fine, I'm putting my kimono back on!" Jakotsu huffed, following Suzaku's example and heading back into the dressing rooms.

This cut Hiten's amusement short however, as he then realized he'd now be left alone with his oddly behaving best friend. 'Shit, I shouldn't have done that.'

Bankotsu didn't miss a beat. In one split second Hiten found himself suddenly nose to nose with Bankotsu and had to force himself not to back away. "I'm sorry for hitting you," he whispered, tenderly reaching up as if he wanted to touch the red mark where his fist had cut Hiten's bottom lip. "And for shoving you. I didn't mean it."

"It's okay, I guess-"

"And for pulling your hair and choking you and-"

"Okay, okay," Hiten interrupted, "I get it!"

"Do you forgive me?"

"Yes."

"You always do…"

What was that supposed to mean? 'Talk about vague!' Those blue eyes met with his for many pregnant moments, but Bankotsu said nothing more. He seemed like he desperately wanted to, but had thought better of it and when Hiten tried to speak instead his companion cut him off with what had to have been the most brief, chaste kiss he'd ever received. It felt as if a butterfly had just barely brushed his lips while fluttering past. But before Hiten could even react, Bankotsu had already backed off and made to stand many feet away, as if nothing had never happened.

It was lucky he had, however, since Suzaku chose that moment to bound out of the dressing rooms and launch himself into Hiten's arms. "Oh, thank you, thank you!" He cheered; overjoyed, and it took the stunned Hiten a moment to backtrack and realize that Suzaku was excited over his decision to buy the new schoolgirl outfit.

"You're welcome," he chuckled, quickly composing himself as he turned to drag the still giggling redhead over to the register.

"Did you ask him yet?"

Bankotsu started, turning to regard the cross dresser that'd stepped out from his dressing room.  
"I can't say it," he sighed, "it's probably stupid to anyway…"

"Excuses, excuses!" Jakotsu tittered, giving his boyfriend a disapproving glare. "He's leaving tomorrow you know…"

"Yeah."

"Okay, well I'll distract Su-Chan for you just one more time, okay?"

Bankotsu nodded, thankfully accepting yet another bag so he could carry Jakotsu's purchases like a proper gentleman. "Thanks Aisuru."

"What is it you wanna say so bad anyway?" Jakotsu wondered, absently strapping his stilettos back up. "Professing your undying love?"

"Not even," Bankotsu scoffed, and the tone of his voice actually cut off Jakotsu's next teasing retort. 'Strange,' the cross-dresser noted. It was almost as if his lover were mourning. Jakotsu skillfully pretended not to notice however and sped on ahead to try to coax Suzaku off of Hiten.

"Aww, you look so cute clinging to your sweet wittle wife," he teased, and sure enough Hiten immediately released Suzaku and opted to carry the baggage instead. 'Too easy.'

"Your nails are so perfect," the queen pouted as he took one of the redhead's hands in his own and absently led the way back out into the streets. "Maybe we should go get mine done too?"

"Okay." Suzaku tittered, embarrassed by his flattery.

"No wait!" Jakotsu suddenly enthused, "let's stay the night at my place," he whispered, leaning close to whisper, "there's still tons of booze from the party. We can get Hiten drunk again and have him strip for us…"

Suzaku thought that over; tempted. "Well that would sound fun if Bankotsu wouldn't be there…" 'Can't wait until springtime,' the voice in his head chanted for what must have been the thousandth time.

'Stupid Ja-Chan took my Su-Chan again!' Hiten internally fumed. He was only just starting to get used to the feel of that golden band sliding against their entwined fingers… 'Just one more day,' he kept reminding himself as he dutifully trailed after his fiance.

"Hey Hiten…"

He'd almost missed that timid summons for the noise on the streets, but luckily Hiten caught on and hung back to address his pursuer. "What, Ban?"

"You don't suppose… your boyfriend really hates me, right?"

"Fiance." Hiten corrected, not bothering to hide his enthusiasm. "Smartest thing I ever did."

"Yeah, about that…"

Bankotsu trailed off at that moment and Hiten raised an eyebrow at him, mocking but at the same time wondering. Those sapphire eyes wandered, as if searching for answers in the faces of the strangers around him. "How'd you…" Bankotsu stumbled over whatever his question might've been, and Hiten noticed his purposely slowed pace; he was trying to put more distance between himself and their two boyfriends.

"You could just call me," Hiten suggested; amused "if you wanna talk so bad."

"Phones are impersonal."

"You sound like Suzaku." He'd meant it as a joke, but apparently Suzaku's name only roused Bankotsu further. He looked up nervously to ensure the redhead wasn't paying any attention to them and then promptly moved as close as possible to Hiten.

"How'd you get him to marry you?"

"Wait, what?" Hiten was caught off guard by this question, and more than a little unnerved by Bankotsu's proximity to him. He'd thought for a moment that he might be wanting another kiss…

"I mean like… It's legal in America right? So if I went there too…"  
He fell suddenly silent, apparently embarrassed, so Hiten prodded nosily further.  
"What are you trying to say Ban?"

"Um… Well I mean, it seems like Jakotsu loves being with you two…" Bankotsu rambled, "And well maybe he'd like America better than Japan. As long as Suzaku didn't mind, I mean…"

Hiten froze in his tracks, staring in disbelief at those earnest blue eyes. "You want to come home with me?"

Immediately Bankotsu tried to throw up his hands and shush Hiten, but failed spectacularly as his arms were laden with shoeboxes and bags. "Shutup shutup!" he hissed, trying to get Hiten to continue nonchalantly, but his stubborn companion remained rooted to the spot; stunned.

"Ban…" Hiten tried his best to sound less shocked and more serious, "This isn't a joke you know. It's a commitment. Like even worse than buying a house."

"But commitment is exactly what I need!"

"But you love Japan."

"Well I know." Bankotsu timidly stared down at the sidewalk. "But I think I love Jakotsu more…"

'Well how crazy is that?' Hiten could still hardly believe his ears. He'd always known that he and Bankotsu were very much alike, but this was just scary. Were both of them on the cusp of giving up everything they knew and loved just for the sake of being with those strange, girly looking men? No more family or memories or… anything. 'Goodbye to dear Japan and hello strange new America…

Hello commitment. Monogamy…'

Was that what he truly wanted? Once the wedding vows were said, that would be it for Hiten. He couldn't promise what he didn't mean with all of his heart. And afterwards, would those promises make it possible to be near Bankotsu again, without the temptation?

Would it just be a mistake if he allowed Bankotsu to also stay anywhere near him in America?

It was so much easier with Jakotsu. Hiten could live and even sleep with him without guilt. It was just mutually understood that Suzaku took precedence. But when it came to Bankotsu there was no such assurance.

That was why they could not even live in the same country. 'There's a reason Su-Chan doesn't want Ban anywhere near me.' Hiten was getting used to having an ocean between himself and his first love since he had always thought he needed that separation. But there was just something special about marriage. Once Suzaku accepted his last name and made those promises with rings and white lace that would make it final. Maybe Hiten really could be stronger inside. Strong enough to stay close to Bankotsu without it hurting anyone…

"You understand right?" Bankotsu was practically whispering now, and it was a bit difficult to hear in the crowded streets, but those deep blue eyes spoke louder than any city rabble. "After you get married, we can be together again. Not the same way, but we could hang out all the time. All four of us. We can be friends again."

'Really?' Well that sounded like a dream come true. Was it really possible to have both the two men he'd loved so dearly? "But Ban, I told you I still-"

"I know, and I still love you too!" He sounded exasperated, "But it's so stupid for us to have to run away from each other!"

"Yeah but…" that didn't make it hurt any less. It was almost as if Bankotsu was just saying goodbye all over again. 'Live near him but never touch him again?' Well that was just… Cruel.  
Oh, this ridiculously complicated thing called love. Was it now beckoning him closer to Suzaku yet farther from Bankotsu? How was that possible when he loved both? How was it possible that this stupid four-letter word could be so contradictory yet make perfect sense?  
To love meant to desire intimacy, and yet surrender it at the same time.

Obviously those blue eyes had already figured it out. Bankotsu seemed sad, but still hopeful.

_'I still love you too.'_

Somehow time stood still for that moment as mocha brown met ocean blue. The sea of strangers drifted by on the streets of Japan, but neither man noticed. How stupid. They had everything in common and adored each other so completely. They should be talking right? They should be reminiscing and joking and laughing…

Yet only this was possible; a silent, mutual farewell.

There was something so lonesome and beautiful in Bankotsu's eyes. Maybe that color had suited him all along. The blue ocean; endlessly lovely and teaming with life, yet so hopelessly, desperately… alone. Only then did Hiten realize that nothing would ever change that. No matter where he lived or what sexuality he claimed, Bankotsu would be separated from the people he loved. 'How'd you get him to marry you?'

Poor Bankotsu. His lover would undoubtedly be much less willing to make such a serious commitment. Jakotsu would probably never consent to marrying him…

'And yet all Ban thinks about is making him happy…'

"Alright Ban," Hiten finally decided, wishing those eyes just a bit more joy, "I'll talk to Suzaku about it."

"Yeah?"

"It's a promise."

If he hadn't been carrying so many bags, Hiten might have offered him a hug, or at least a confirming handshake. But tonight a nod would have to suffice. Time began to tick again and he became aware of both Jakotsu and Suzaku, who had stopped to observe their strange interaction.

"Talk to me about what?" The redhead wondered. He sounded one octave above testy and only two below infuriated. Suzaku attached himself to Hiten's side then, automatically tugging him back. The hands that yanked him away from Bankotsu felt entirely different somehow, even though the only change was a tiny, white gold band and Hiten didn't think for a moment that he should reprimand this rude interruption.

'What did I just miss? What's Hiten want to talk to me about?'

Neither Hiten nor Bankotsu answered his question. They both seemed sad for some reason, and Suzaku couldn't even understand why he suddenly felt bad for having interrupted them. This was his fiance after all, giving that look to another man. That look that said 'I love you.' that look that said 'I need you…'

"We should go," Jakotsu offered helpfully, plastering on a fake grin as he too caught hold of his boyfriend and tugged him in the opposite direction. "It's late and we parked kinda far off…"

"Yeah us too," Hiten decided, finally snapping out of his melancholy reverie. And with that simple farewell, each man took his bow and the two couples split up, becoming instantly separated in that sea of strangers and cars…

Suzaku texted their limo driver and the two waited patiently for his arrival. It was nearly one in the morning, but he didn't feel sleepy at all. His mind buzzed with curiosity since Hiten was still so strangely silent. He watched absently as the limo pulled up and his lover loaded the trunk with the bags and obediently climbed into the door that was held open for him. The leather seat sank just so and Suzaku leaned back, watching the blue lights flicker; dancing along with the promise on his finger and the hope in his heart.

'Does my Hiten miss Bankotsu?' Was he saddened at the prospect of commitment? Of upholding the promises this ring was meant to immortalize? Seven diamonds. Did their sparkle, which made his very soul flutter, cause his lover anguish?

Suzaku recognized that look in Hiten's eye. Words were unnecessary with his intuition being so sharp; Kujaku's green eyes that never missed a trick…

The door slid closed with a gentle click and Hiten took the seat beside him like it was natural. Their hands clasped and Suzaku snuggled up to him immediately, not even understanding the reason for this feeling of melancholy, pervading loneliness.

"Hiten," he found himself wondering, for the second time in less than twenty four hours. "Us being together. Does it truly make you happy?"

Those fingers tightened on his own and somehow those cold, shining jewels seemed to burn hotter than the blue fire they resembled. Suzaku was upset now, so talking could wait for later. Talking could wait forever. "More than anything in the world."

Simple and clean, and Hiten left it at that.

* * *

(An2. The end is coming! With the next chapter being the Bachelor party, aka enough fanservice to satisfy you for the rest of your life, we shall wind down and go out in a blaze of glory!

Chapter forty will be our finale! On that note, if you have not already, I highly recommend reading Kira. It is my collection of tiny little one-shots that supplement and beautify this story. You should especially read chapter forty of Kira since there's a very special surprise at the end!)


	39. Bachelors

disclaimer

I, Kagura Fuujinnomai do not own Bankotsu, Jakotsu, Suzaku, Hiten or any of the other characters associated with the Inuyasha series.

I get nothing from writing my Fanfics.

I am simply a fangirl who wishes to share her passion with the rest of the world.

- sincerely,

Kagura Fuujinnomai

* * *

(AN: Okay, I'm finally back! Just two more chapters to go! WOOT! Okay, fine, I admit this entire chapter is nothing but fanservice. You caught me. Fine. XD lol! You guys are so mean to me, never reviewing. XD

This chapter takes place during golden week AKA Spring break, one day before the big wedding is set to take place! Everyone's in America, ready and waiting to let loose and have some pre-marital fun!

Anyway here's fair warning: smex, smex with multiple partners, alternate pairings, naked women, etc, etc. All characters are aged 18 or older, blah blah blah Enjoy! )

* * *

**Not For All the World  
**

**Chapter Thirty-Nine: Bachelors**

* * *

Hiten stepped into his living room, but hardly recognized the place. Thick white bedding now covered the entire floor. The doorway to the kitchen was blocked off and there were many red beanbags set in various places, accentuating the soft white padding. "What the fuck?"

He padded across the pillowy ground, addressing Naraku, who was seated comfortably on the sofa. "Welcome to the combined Bachelor and Bachelorette party!" The smile on those twisted purple lips was comparable only to the grin of a sadistic pedophile. "I'll need you boys to go and line up by the kitchen."

Hiten gave him a look of utter loathing, but proceeded to follow the instructions anyway. Inuyasha, Miroku, Alex, Renkotsu, Bankotsu and Sesshoumaru soon joined him, each with a similar look of grim foreboding. "Where's Su-Chan/Ja-Chan?" Bankotsu and Hiten chorused, and Naraku's smile grew even wider.

"The bitches are in the bathroom." He replied simply, "getting undressed."

"What?"  
"Why?"  
"Don't call my Suzaku a bitch!"

Naraku sighed, "This coming from the guy that pins him down and fucks him on a regular basis…" Hiten immediately turned beet red, clamming up, and Naraku took the opportunity to explain. "For the game we're about to play, Suzaku is indeed a bitch. Or rather… A princess."

Alex snickered, elbowing Hiten. "Pfft! Princess, just like at the mall!"  
"Shut up Alex."

"Yes, and you boys are the princes," Naraku continued, "Here is how the game is played. The Bachelorettes, aka the princesses, will play the damsels in distress. They will each be kidnapped by me, AKA handcuffed and tied to one of my beanbags. Each prince must then find and rescue his princess!"

The boys nodded, grumbling all the while, and Hiten was first to pose another question.  
"But didn't you say the princesses are getting undressed?"

"That's the fun part!" Naraku gushed, "We'll turn all the lights down real low, and then gag the princesses. Everyone will be blindfolded, so the only way you can find the right partner is by…"

"Groping random naked women!" Miroku guessed, looking like Christmas had just come early. Naraku nodded. "Remarkable intuition, monk. And to make the deal even sweeter, the princess you rescue will get to be yours for the remainder of the night!"

"What?"  
"I don't want to touch women."  
Bankotsu turned almost as red as his best friend, who tried but failed to hold in his laughter.  
"You're such a faggot!"  
"Shut up you hypocrite!"

"Actually, I have to second that notion," Alex offered.

"Quit complaining!" Sean interrupted, "this is a Bachelor party, not a fucking LAN party! Geeze! You guys act like a buncha WOW-wacking virgins!"

"What are you wearing?" Alex hurried over to him, but Sean slapped his hands off. "No touching til the lights are off! All us princesses will be wearing these cute little towels with nothing underneath…"

"This is twisted…" Inuyasha looked like he might puke at the very sight of the almost naked, teenage-looking boy, "If I touch one of the boys I'm going to have to cut my hands off…"

"This is going to be so much fun!" Jakotsu bounded out of the bathroom, dragging the timid Suzaku behind him. They had matching red towels tied around them and both had let their hair down. They had obviously only just left the shower, so their hair was still wet. The redhead locked eyes with his lover and only then did Hiten realize just how challenging this game could prove to be. With their hair down and in the dark, it would be nearly impossible to tell Sean, Jakotsu and Suzaku apart. Not to mention the fact that Suzaku would feel just as soft as any of the real females…

Sango, Kagome and Tsubaki soon joined the group. The real girls looked even more embarrassed than their fellow male princesses.

Naraku walked by, handing each princess a small bottle of what turned out to be scented massage oil. "Princesses, please rub this on so the boys can't cheat and use their noses to find you."

"That's just mean," Miroku was apparently the only prince who was honest enough to say what the others were thinking. Maybe Naraku was purposely torturing them by letting them watch their partners. Each princess slid those long, painted nails across smooth, shining skin. Some were timid and needed Naraku's encouragement, while others proceeded with enthusiasm.

Jakotsu in particular made quite a show of applying his share of the sweet-scented oil.  
"No touching yet," he half-moaned, catching Bankotsu's eye as he teased his fingers beneath that tight, red towel.

"Great," Alex grumped, "No way can I tell between him and Sean. Molest either one and they're gonna love it no matter who you are…"

"You're lucky," Inuyasha argued, "All the girls are gonna act the same way. All embarrassed and squealing like pigs. It'll be pure luck if us straight guys pick the right one."

"You better not fuck this up!" Tsubaki hissed, earning a cocky scoff from Renkotsu. "I might, just to piss you off…" was his retort.

"Let's play nice," Naraku insisted, ushering the straggling princes back over to their corner.  
"Sesshoumaru and I are not playing. I'll be watching to make sure no one cheats and that no one accidentally gropes their brother or their brother's girlfriend."

"Thank God!" Inuyasha and Renkotsu sighed in unison.

"However," Naraku instructed, "The princes must also take off their clothes. Fair's fair and besides, orgies are fun!"

There was a general murmuring of indifference, and Naraku clapped his hands, pleased with the shared mentality that at this point it couldn't get much worse. He had these princes right where he wanted them!

"It's settled then! Let's get this show on the road! Princes please leave the room while I tie up your princesses!" The boys filed out of the room, ushered along by Sesshoumaru, who seemed almost as sadistically amused as Naraku, even though he didn't betray even a hint of a smile.

Suzaku's old room looked so different now. Hiten had almost failed to recognize it as he wandered in and sat down with his fellow princes. "So do you think you'll be able to pick out your future wife?" Alex teased, shaking him from his contemplation.  
"Doesn't matter to me," he shrugged, taking a seat on the bed that used to belong to Suzaku.

"What? You mean you don't even _care _who your fuck partner is?"

"Isn't that what Bachelor parties are supposed to be about?"

"He's got a point," Renkotsu offered, "I'm fine with anything that's got tits…"  
"I second that," Miroku agreed. He was the only one who'd already taken his pants off. Apparently he was quite proud of what he had underneath. "Read em and weep," he laughed, letting his goods dangle freely.

"I think we're supposed to wait til the lights are off," Bankotsu guessed.

"Why?" his best friend challenged. Hiten absently tossed his belt to the ground, and in one swift second he was wearing nothing but that cocky grin.

"Holy fuck," Alex mumbled, "I knew that guy would be hung like a horse. Makes me wish I was a princess…"

"You're too young for me."

"Age is just a number." Was his dismissive retort, "You know what they say, if the shoe fits wear it. That's what lube is for…"

"Shut up!" Inuyasha seethed. His hands were so tightly pressed to his eyes that it was a wonder he hadn't damaged them. "Sesshoumaru I will never call you a douchebag again. Please just give me one of those blindfolds already!"

His brother obliged, also handing over a bottle of sake. "Naraku left plenty of alcohol just in case."

"Sweet!" Alex immediately hurried over to claim his share while Miroku started up a nonchalant conversation with the naked Groom-to-be. "Sweet tattoo. It's your wife?"

"Yep," Hiten bragged, turning around so everyone could see, "hopefully this phoenix is as lucky as Kotori…"

"Whatsa Kotori?" Inuyasha wondered between gulps. His blindfold was firmly in place and his bottle was already half empty.

"Suzaku's lucky phoenix," Hiten answered, "I got it for him way back when-"  
"When what?" The clueless dog-boy wondered, not noticing the spectacle that had demanded Hiten's immediate attention. Bankotsu blushed furiously, ducking behind his roommate as he finished taking off his pants. "Hiten, you stay right over there. I am not a bitch," he reminded.

"I disagree," Hiten immediately replied, "Bitch is in the eye of the beholder…"

"Well said," Alex mumbled, downing his second beer, "once you're drunk enough everything starts looking fuckworthy."

"That's not really what I meant," Hiten muttered, accepting a drink from Sesshoumaru, who'd taken the liberty of passing one to each of the princes. "In my opinion, a bitch is whoever you can pin down long enough…"

"Spoken like a true nympho," Alex grinned, "Jakotsu would be proud!"

"Kampai!" the two sadistic comrades chorused, toasting their shared twisted sense of humor.

"There's a reason I never wanted Jakotsu and Hiten to meet…" Bankotsu mumbled, accepting his drink as well. "this is gonna be a long night…"

* * *

The room was completely dark. Or at least, that's how it seemed with the blindfolds on. Hiten got the feeling he was walking into a torture chamber. The silence was broken only by gagged mumbling and the gentle clink of handcuffs. He could even decipher the shuffling sound of bodies pressed against the leather-like beanbags…

"Get on your hands and knees please, princes. Don't want any tripping or stubbed toes!" Naraku's voice advised, and Hiten obeyed. The soft bedding on the ground was actually very comfortable beneath his knees. "Princes you can speak, but only to each other! No cheating by asking princesses to nod or respond to their name. This isn't marco polo!"

"I kind of don't wanna touch them," Hiten heard Alex's voice from somewhere on his right.  
"No one does," he grumbled. "You go first!" the others insisted, and Hiten fumed.  
"What the fuck, why me!"  
"You've got the biggest dick," Alex reasoned, "doesn't that make you bravest?"

"Dumbass American stereotypes…" Hiten growled, "you're wrong anyway, Bankotsu's is just as big when it's hard."

"Well you would know, wouldn't you Hiten?"

"Go fuck yourself Naraku!"

"Let's just split up," Bankotsu suggested, pushing past his best friend to take his natural role as leader. "Rai-Chan, you take the left side."

"Alright." Hiten headed off into the pleading darkness.  
He slid his hands carefully along the bedding until they met with his very first beanbag. 'Let's see…' The princess flinched at his touch, but that didn't mean much. 'Male or female?' he wondered, tracing his fingers along the slick, heated skin. Everywhere around him people were gasping in surprise and cursing. Apparently the other princes weren't fairing very well.

"Grosssssssssss!" Inuyasha was screaming, and the other's laughed at him.  
"Don't feel bad," Miroku groaned, "mine's male too."

"This one's female," Hiten announced, laughing at the way said female recoiled from his touch as she recognized his voice was not her lover's.  
"Where are you?" Inuyasha wondered, and Hiten spoke again so he and Miroku could follow the sound of his voice. "Over here. She's got long hair and nice big tits."

"Sango for sure," Miroku whispered, thanking Hiten as he crawled off to try the next one, but he was no more lucky this time. "Fuck, this one's female too."

"Which female?" his fellow princes demanded. "How should I know? They all feel the same!"

"That's the skill of the game!" Naraku bragged. It sounded like he was standing on the left.  
Or maybe the right. Vaguely Hiten realized he was failing quite spectacularly at this game.  
But it was definitely an entertaining pastime… "I haven't touched one of these in a while," he muttered, grinning as the female beneath his fingers let out an incomprehensible string of what he could safely assume to be curse words. Apparently she didn't appreciate being felt up by a stranger…

"That one's Tsubaki or Sango!" Miroku immediately realized.

"No cheating!" Naraku fumed.

"Great, that doesn't help me at all," Inuyasha grumped.

Hiten released this female, wiping his now oily hands off on the bedding as he continued to wander around in the dark. Twice he nearly hit his head on a wall, but Naraku made sure to warn him each time. Finally he came upon another beanbag, and it's occupant was very fortunately male. "Well hello," he whispered, tracing his fingers over tight, oily muscles instead of breasts. The princess half-moaned, shivering a bit as he teased the taut little nipples.

"Got a male," he announced, and Alex immediately responded. "Is it Sean?"

"Fuck if I know. Likes his nipples rubbed, whoever it is…"

"Try spanking him," Alex offered, "Sean loves that!"

"Freaks." Hiten immediately scoffed. But he slid his hand along that tight towel and easily located the cool swell of the male's hips. He gave the rump a sharp slap and the princess immediately moaned. Even with the gag, his voice dripped with obvious pleasure.

"Jakotsu or Sean." Hiten safely assumed, speaking louder so Alex could follow his voice. "This one here…"

Alex thanked Hiten for his help and immediately went to work on the male princess.  
"Let's see, I can't kiss him…" Alex mused. sliding his hands through this boy's hair didn't help much either. It was wet and cold and didn't feel familiar. He pulled that towel right off and tossed it aside, working his hands along the smooth, oily backside of this mysterious princess. "Like that?" He teased, sliding his fingers right between those soft, heated cheeks.

"That reminds me!" Naraku spoke up, "guys please be careful with the females. I didn't bring condoms…"

"That's why you guys should quit women," Alex bragged, teasing himself against this male's trembling entrance. "Beg for it," he hissed, relishing the way that gagged voice attempted to comply. "Louder! Ooh, just like that…"

"Don't fuck him," Hiten hissed, "It might be Jakotsu!"

"So what?" Alex laughed.

"What the fuck!" Bankotsu seethed, immediately trying to feel his way over to Alex, "Get off him you prepubescent fucktard!"

Alex fell silent, trying very hard not to laugh at just how difficult it would be for Bankotsu to find him without being able to use his voice as a guide.

"Where are you, damnit- ouch!" Bankotsu had bumped heads with Hiten. "Sorry Ban!"  
"I'm fine! Rai-Chan lead me over to Alex."

"Okay."

"Hiten you're a cheater!" Alex hissed, but Hiten only laughed, "I'd do anything for Ban…"

"Found mine!" Miroku announced, causing the other princes to growl.  
"How?"  
"He wasn't even talking!"  
"That guy isn't human!"

"He knows all about Sango's body," Inuyasha muttered.

"Good job Houshi-sama!" Naraku sounded impressed, so Miroku must have been correct.  
"That's one female down," Renkotsu muttered. "In that case this bitchy one here is mine."

"Well rescue your damsels already! Untie the ropes and lead her to safety! Follow my voice to reach the hallway!"

"Wait wait!" Inuyasha interrupted, "my female is like freaking out now! One of you's got the wrong one!"

"Let's trade?" Renkotsu offered.

"Oh that's a good idea!" Hiten realized, "let's try to eliminate the choices by seeing how the princesses react to different things!"

"Like what?" Bankotsu wondered, but his question was answered a little bit too soon.  
Hiten immediately caught hold of his best friend and attempted to pin him to the ground.  
"What the fuck! Rai-Chan get off!"

"Shut up! God you're such a bitch…" Hiten huffed, accepting the challenge of wrestling with Bankotsu for dominance. "Quit. Struggling," He panted, forcing that thick, muscle-bound body beneath his own. "Haven't you ever heard of taking it like a man?"  
"In your dreams!" Bankotsu growled, reversing their positions with one clever maneuver.

"Wow…" Naraku's voice commented. He was almost panting as hard as Bankotsu. "You guys should really see this shit. It's hot. Bankotsu's on top now, no wait Hiten, no never mind, Bankotsu again… Wow, that looks painful. Hey guys are you gonna need some of this oil for lube?"

"Wow, you've gotten stronger," Hiten whispered, suppressing the powerful urge to moan as that hot, heavy body pinned him to the ground. He was already painfully hard, and wished desperately to take off his blindfold. Suddenly he understood just why Jakotsu said this game was going to be fun… "Ooh, just like that," he teased, successfully riling Bankotsu up even more. "Harder!"

"Quit you guys!" Alex interrupted, "I think you're making my princess cry."

Bankotsu immediately froze, "Aisuru?" Hiten stopped and let his best friend crawl back over to the princess Alex was still holding. "this way," the teenager offered, but he needn't have bothered. The princess was sobbing against his gag, struggling fruitlessly against his restraints. Muffled, miserable words escaped that shivering body, and now Bankotsu could safely assume the princess was Jakotsu. "Don't cry," he whispered, carefully brushing those hot, wet tears away. "I was only pulling Hiten's hair…"

"He likes that?" Alex pried, obviously amused.

"Shut up!" Hiten scoffed.

"Got mine," Renkotsu and Inuyasha announced again, and this time Naraku confirmed. "Much better. Boys, take your women to the back. Sesshoumaru will lead you to the room where you can take off the blindfolds."

"Back to square one," Alex sighed, beginning to crawl across the padded flooring.  
"Hardly," Hiten bragged, immediately recognizing his lover's whimpering voice. "Don't cry Su-Chan. I'm almost there."

Now the game was over. By process of elimination Alex easily found his way to Sean, who did indeed moan with pleasure when he finally got the chance to spank him.

"Su-Chan?" Hiten whispered, leaning over the prospective princess that was trembling beneath his fingers. He was tempted to spank this one, just in case but didn't want to risk it. It was either Jakotsu or Suzaku, judging by those tears. That heated, slick skin felt nice beneath his fingers and seemed to beg for his touch. 'Is it truly my Su-Chan?' The massage oil made that hot, smooth neck taste and smell like roses, instead of the sweet water lily he was used to. "Is this my Su-Chan?" he wondered, but the obnoxious Naraku refused to give a straight answer.

"Fuck him and see," he offered, sounding way too amused. Was he laughing because he was just a pervert or because Hiten really had chosen the wrong princess?

Carefully he worked his hands against that smooth back, massaging the princess that obviously loved his touch. There were no more tears, and as he let his hands wander more the sniffling earnestly melted into encouraging moans. Suddenly the slick, sweet-scented oil was not so annoying. It made it easy for him to slide his fingers past the tight, heated ring of muscle between his legs. "Mmfg!" His princess moaned. Was that encouragement, mixed with pain? Hiten certainly hoped so. Normally he'd never participate in something this erotic while others were in the room, but it seemed safe since his companions were all just as equally sightless and aroused.

From somewhere on his left he recognized Alex's moaning voice. Maybe he'd found Sean, maybe not. He obviously didn't care. "Wow," Naraku's ever-present commentary whispered, "I think I'll just leave you boys alone in here…"

Hiten carefully listened to Naraku's footsteps, and to his surprise they really did fade off into the distance. He heard one of the bedroom doors close, and finally let down his guard.  
"Is that you, Su-Chan?" he whispered, feeling around until he found the gag. It was slightly wet, and very tightly tied, so it took a while to work it off.

"I don't like this game anymore," Suzaku's melodic voice finally confessed, and Hiten immediately leaned down and kissed those sweet, pouting lips. "I knew it was you."

Bankotsu pulled off his blindfold, but nothing changed. Apparently Naraku had turned out the lights when he left. "Guys its totally dark now, even without the blindfold…"

"Good!" Alex panted, shamelessly moaning as he continued with whatever erotic endeavor he was currently entranced with. "Ohhh yes…"

Bankotsu felt his face heating up and was glad that the others could not see. He immediately made to ensure he and Alex had not mixed up their partners. This princess had rough scars all along his chest, but even that didn't mean it was definitely Jakotsu. He forced his fingers beneath that tight gag and pried it out of the way, smiling when his lover's voice was released. "Ban-Chan," the mischievous cross dresser whispered, "you better come right down here and make up for touching that stupid Hiten!"

"Fuck you." Hiten mumbled, yanking his redheaded companion free of the restraints. He lie on the ground with Suzaku on top of him, kissing those precious pink lips the entire time.

"That game was so hard…" Bankotsu admitted, "I never would have believed it, but in the dark, even your closest lover is just like everyone else…"

"Hardly," Hiten's cocky voice disagreed. "No one tastes like my Su-Chan."

"No one's tight like my Sean," Alex panted.

"No one loves me," Jakotsu whispered, "like my Aisuru."

'Well said…' Hiten lifted off his blindfold as well, trying to adjust to the pleading darkness.  
All around him he could now hear both muffled and clear gasps of pleasure. He couldn't even tell who was making which sounds and if he hadn't known already, would not have been able to guess which partners were entwined. He could however recognize Bankotsu's panting, and that alone was practically orgasmic. "Fuck…"

'How'd I get myself into this mess?'

"I don't like this," Suzaku whispered. He was leaned so close that his lips touched Hiten's ear.  
"Why not?" he automatically questioned, but of course he already knew the reason. Suzaku was too embarrassed to elaborate, and Hiten toyed with the idea of telling him to stop being such a killjoy, but decided against it. His poor phoenix couldn't help it if he wasn't comfortable. After all, Six men having sex in the same room was not exactly normal, even if the majority of them were obviously enjoying themselves.

Sean, in particular was very vocal. His shuddering, gasping pleasure dripped through the gag as his dominant partner slammed into him from behind.  
"Harder, faster, Ooh… yes!" Jakotsu threw his head back, reveling in the feel of his lover's sheer size and stamina. The handcuffs clinked each time those hips were forced up against his own, as if playing the music while their entwined bodies danced along.

Bankotsu kissed his lover, fiercely; hungrily, completely caught up in the intensity of this otherwise unbelievable situation. That pain in the ass Naraku had probably planned this, but he didn't care. Those silky porcelain legs just begged to be forced apart. That precious voice encouraged more, faster, deeper. Somewhere very near to him Hiten lay with his own lover, feeling this very same desire. "Oh…" He hadn't meant to let that guilty gasp of pleasure escape, not while thinking of Hiten, but Jakotsu didn't seem to care either way…

"Guys…" Sean interrupted, ignoring his boyfriend's immediate snap of, "shut up, bitch!"  
"No seriously," he persisted, "What a waste. Let's have a foursome at least…"

"Yeah," Jakotsu moaned just thinking of the possibilities. "I'm coming over there guys…"

"Holy fuck," Hiten murmured, dodging as Jakotsu hit the ground right beside him and began to crawl over to the other boys.

"Let's play too…" He immediately suggested, listening to the others negotiate positions.  
"Alright Su-Chan?" Suzaku kissed his lover's insistent lips, but practically whimpered when that thick, dripping wet rod slid right between his legs. "Don't-" He whispered, despite himself. His body was responding to the heat and the newly intensified sounds of pleasure from the others, but his heart screamed in protest. 'That's Bankotsu, Hiten's Bankotsu.' He whispered so only his lover could hear him. "I can't do this."

"It's okay. Just stay here with me," Hiten offered, but Suzaku refused again. "No, you can still hear them. It's like you're fucking with someone else!"

"Shush…" Hiten pulled him closer, trying to calm his distressed partner. Everything about this moment was so deliciously erotic. He rolled over and pinned that gorgeous body beneath his own, tasting the tears on those sweet, frowning lips. "Feel that?" he whispered into their kiss, wishing desperately to force himself inside of his beloved, tantalizing companion. "You're the one I want. Remember? It's our wedding tomorrow…" But the stubborn redhead still resisted. "I can't do this," he whimpered, but Hiten suddenly scoffed. Suzaku didn't need to do anything except sit back and allow himself to be ravaged. Why would he not just consent?

"Don't, Hiten…" Suzaku must've read his mind. Those thin wrists were already handcuffed and he was already wet with that slick, sweet smelling massage oil. Just one quick thrust and that would be the end of this silly disagreement. "Why not?" How infuriating! Didn't Suzaku realize how wonderful it felt to just let love happen?

"Don't," those strawberry lips begged, quivering "please…" Hiten kissed him but Suzaku resisted, even as his glossy pink head dripped with precum, so finally Hiten moved to end their shared frustration. He hefted that delicate body up, into his arms and stood, ditching the other four men as he carefully made his way to their bedroom. It wasn't even necessary to close the door. Those precious gasps of pleasure faded into practically nothing as the familiar scenery changed. At least this room was better lit. His sorely missed mattress creaked as he let their combined weight fall against those crisp, cool sheets.

Suzaku thought he might cry for the relief that flooded into his fluttering heart. His Hiten held him close, panting with the effort of restraining himself. "Here, my stubborn fiance," he tittered, pushing himself up on those powerful arms. The dim glow of the moon cast a blue hue over his tight, slippery muscles, but somehow the color of those chocolate eyes remained. "Now can I make love to you?"  
"Yeah…" Emerald adoration sparkled for only a moment before Suzaku's eyes screwed shut. The pressure of their long awaited union yielded with only a fleeting moment of pain, and finally he lay back and reveled in the feel of being completely consumed with the only one he loved.

Only Hiten's gasping pleasure met his ears. Only their love permeated and flourished. Hiten knew and cherished this fact so much more than his Suzaku knew. "I love you," he panted, feeling those lofty words burning into his back and squeezing with the chain around his neck. It was more than the pleasure, pain and delicious erotic fulfillment combined. Every thrust echoed this promise as he whispered the name of the only one he wanted. "Su-za-ku."

"Don't stop…" Jakotsu insisted, pinning Sean down on the beanbag as he forced himself into his wet, gasping mouth. Bankotsu stood behind him, sliding easily inside of his trembling Aisuru as those porcelain hips rocked, setting their pace. Alex was directly across from Jakotsu. He'd hefted Sean's legs up onto his shoulders and proceeded to pound into his masochistic and now doubly penetrated lover while at the same time kissing Jakotsu's plump red lips. Finally the noisy Sean was forced to be quiet, even though he was obviously enjoying himself. His hands grasped Jakotsu's hips, guiding them deeper as he suckled that glossy porcelain treat. With Bankotsu's feral domination behind him and two tongues teasing in front, Jakotsu was first to finish.

Sean made it a point to slurp each precious drop, and then giggled, amused as Bankotsu yanked his lover away. "Mine," Bankotsu growled, tumbling to the ground with his mischievous companion. "Oh, yes!" Jakotsu panted almost in perfect sync with Sean as their dominant partners reasserted their ownership. His Aisuru pinned him down and pounded the punishment with desperate haste. Pain and pleasure came to a head as that thick, heated rod finally spent Bankotsu's trembling liquid lust.

"Wow," Jakotsu finally found the strength to speak. His lover lay atop, still inside of him, with his heated skin sliding heavy and wet against his back. "Aisuru, I think I just figured something out…"

Bankotsu scoffed, fighting off the powerful urge to ignore Jakotsu's newest after-orgasm revelation. "And what might that be?"

"I like you best." the cross dresser replied simply.

"Better than these boys, you mean?"

"No," Jakotsu clarified, "just better than everyone."

"Oh…" Bankotsu wasn't sure what to say to that. "Well that's very... sweet."

"Yeah." They lay there together for a long while, not caring about their slightly sticky skin or the cool air on their naked bodies. "Also Aisuru…"

"What?" Bankotsu raised an eyebrow at his suddenly slightly sad voice.

"I wish…"

"What?" he insisted, pressing a soothing kiss to his troubled lover.

"I wish we could get married too."

"Oh, Aisuru…" Bankotsu snuggled up to him, feeling lighter than air. "Just hearing you say that means the world to me…"

"I know I wouldn't make a good bride though," the miserable cross dresser admitted, "Since I'm such a tramp. I'm not all innocent like Suzaku…"

"Well we're even," Bankotsu offered, "Now that I think about it, I'd be a sucky husband anyway. I wouldn't have the balls to propose like Hiten did…"

"Yeah and it's not legal back home anyway."

"Yeah and I'd die trying to explain it to my parents…"

"Yeah…."

"Yeah."

The awkward silence settled between them like a living being, but luckily Sean offered a very rude interruption. "You guys are stupid."

"I agree," Alex offered, "If you love someone then you should be together no matter what!"

"Even if they're a whore," Sean snickered.

"Or an emo crybaby." Alex blushed.

"Or a cross-dressing sadomasochistic lunatic?" Jakotsu piped up, giggling as Bankotsu shook his head. "Sadly enough," he admitted, "the teenagers are smarter than us…"

"Nah, Queen Jakotsu taught us all that," Alex admitted.  
"And Hiten told me a story," Sean added. "Life runs like a race…"

Bankotsu finished for him "Waiting is a waste, so why not chase?" Again the silence permeated, but finally Jakotsu spoke again. "You still trying to catch me Aisuru?"

"Every damn day."

"Well fine," the cross dresser conceded, "the least I can do is pretend to be a good wife. No more fucking anyone else. Just my Aisuru."

"Really?"

"Yep." Simple and clean, and that was that. Jakotsu rolled over and lazily settled himself into the embrace of his most precious companion. Their noses just barely met, and even though it was too dark to tell, Jakotsu could safely assume that Bankotsu was on the verge of tears. He whispered one more thing though, sniffling a bit. "I'll be better too," he promised, "I'll be honest and tell everyone I love you."

"Alright," Jakotsu snickered, "Goodnight Mr. Prom king."  
"Goodnight Queen Jakotsu," the other three chorused.

* * *

(To be continued.

AN. There you have it! One more chapter to go! Do your pants feel all nice and tight?

All nice and wet? XD Good! bwahahaha!

Ok. it's that time again when you realize your author is

OFFICIALLY insane! She's also a bit sad because you guys never review!

Take a moment to make my day wont you?

Just hit that little button right down there. )


	40. The End

(Author Notes: Here it is! The FINAL, VERY LAST chapter! Oh, hold me! I think I'm gonna cry!

Naturally, everyone dies. There. I saved you an hour of reading. The end.

JK.

I'm going to be tacky now and put in some shoutouts! I'd love to shoutout to everyone who's ever read my work, but that would take a million years. So instead, I'll be shouting out to my most faithful, most review-crazy readers!

**Kirayasha aka Kira: **You're the best friend a crazy yaoi fangirl could ever ask for! Thank you for diligently reviewing and putting up with my random MSN messages! Thank you for teaching me to drabble and inspiring me to make this story as beautiful as it turned out. :)

**Vampire Tia:** You rock! Thanks for stickin' this out to the end! I just loved reading all your bubbly reviews! I think you've got an excellent sense of humor and a very unique, refined taste. Original. That one word describes you perfectly!

**Inu: **I love you. Thank you for loving me.

Now! With that sappiness out of the way! Please enjoy your final chapter everyone! Please fav the story if you liked it or perhaps leave me a farewell review? And yes, I am retiring soon, but I'll still be around if you'd like to PM me. If I write anymore fanfiction it'll be on request only. So email and make a request if you want. XD If not you can always surf on over to my fictionpress account, which I'll be writing on from here on out. My Pen name there is Crystalynn!

Sayonara my loves!)

Disclaimer: Shockingly, after 40 chapters, I STILL don't own these boys! Even though I did build up Hiten and Suzaku's personalities from scratch... lmao! Anyway you can't sue me.

* * *

**Chapter 40: The End**

* * *

It was a beautiful spring day. The birds were singing, the sun glowed with gentle warmth, the breeze danced with the flower petals, and Raiyuki Hiten was quite simply… freaking out.

"I can't do it! It's too much. I'm not gonna. I cant. I don't wanna. I just can not. Oh god, I cant breathe. It's hot. Why is it so hot here? I hate this. I hate myself. I. hate. life…"

"Raiyuki calm down would you, it's just-" Tekkei, who was trying to convince him to sit down, soon became exasperated and raged at her boss, who looked like he might start to hyperventilate. "Shut up! My god you are such a child!"

"Oh my god," Hiten paced back and forth with his hands over his face. "This is it. I've ruined my life. It's over. My beautiful, wonderful bachelor lifestyle is all over."

"I feel your pain," Miroku offered, patting the soon-to-be groom on the back.

"Don't encourage him!" The fiery redhead insisted, shoving Miroku away. She could not fathom how a man like Raiyuki could look so sharp in his perfect tuxedo with the perfect white tie and perfect, unbraided hair cascading down his back, and still act like such a complete failure at life.

"Get ahold of yourself!"

Hiten practically sobbed. He suddenly turned, caught hold of her and shook her like a rag doll. "Shut up! I fucking hate you! I hate all of you stupid women with every fiber of my being!"

At that very inopportune moment the other bridesmaids scurried past, looking frazzled. Kagome and Sango pretended they hadn't heard that as they ducked out of the dressing room and joined the rest of the guests. An entire sea of sharply dressed men and women in their most formal attire stood about the garden, admiring the flowers and snacking on the many tables of high class catering.

From the looks of this beautiful arrangement you would never guess the groom was hiding in the back dressing rooms, flipping his shit… "My goodness everything is gorgeous!" the clueless guests chattered on. "Must've cost a fortune to book a place like this for spring break!"

"Did you see the koi ponds?" "And the waterfall?" "The rivers?" "And the rose tunnel?" "That's nothing! I hear the catering after the ceremony will be lobster!"

"Get these out of here! The bride is allergic to fucking flowers!" The maid of honor, aka Jakotsu was rushing about, trying to get the male guests to help scoot the flowerpots as far from the center aisle as possible. "I hate Hiten. He is so stupid! Why an outside wedding?"

Kagome sat down beside her boyfriend, amused as she watched the other guests laugh and converse while her friends bustled about, helping with the preparations. "Who are all these people?" She wondered, earning a shrug from Inuyasha. "How should I know? They speak Japanese but most of 'em are still Americans right?"

"Oh yeah…"

"They're Hiten's coworkers and family," Sango offered, "I heard him yelling at that Tekkei girl because she invited the whole office without telling him."

"Oh that makes sense," Kagome looked back over the guests, feeling a little bit more comfortable with their more professional, formal attire. "The Business world hmm?"

"Boring." Inuyasha bragged, holding up his camera, "this is where the real action is! Photography! I'm gonna be the one taking all the most important shots!"

"My camera is better."

"You shutup!" Inuyasha turned around to bitch at his older brother, who was also wearing a very large, very expensive-looking camera. They launched into a heated argument about whose equipment was better, so Kagome just tuned them out since she was unable to understand the technical photography-related terms anyway.

"This wedding is going to be a complete disaster." The best man looked almost as stressed as the groom. He was hauling yet another large vase away from the aisles as he spoke.

"Why do you say that?" Kagome wondered.

"These guests?" Bankotsu leaned in close to whisper to her, "they think the bride is a girl!"

"I don't!" One of the guests turned around in her seat, waving merrily. "Ban-Chan, is that you?"

"Mrs. Raiyuki?" He froze, stunned when she nodded. Her husband also turned around, wearing the very same cocky grin that his son always wore. "Yeah at least _we _know what a queer Hiten is!"

"Oh but Bankotsu," Mrs Raiyuki continued, "I was sad when I found out you weren't the bride."

"He didn't even tell his parents…" Bankotsu had to try very hard to hide his disdain for his thoughtless best friend. "We broke up years ago."

"Oh, that's a shame." she offered, but her husband heartily disagreed "Good!"

"Rude!" She promptly elbowed him and plastered a wide grin on her face. "Please forgive him.

My husband thinks of nothing but business…"

"Business?" Bankotsu echoed, confused, "what does that have to do with a wedding?"

"Everything!" Mr. Raiyuki insisted, as his wife offered an explanation. "Tell me Bankotsu, have you ever heard of the Midari Corporation?"

"Sounds familiar…"

"Well I have worked there for many years. As it turns out, Hiten's soon-to-be wife, Midari Suzaku is the sole surviving heir to the Midari bloodline. With this marriage, Suzaku's family will join with mine and thus the entire Midari Corporation will be able to smoothly pass over into our possession. In other words we will be one big, very rich family!"

"Is that why they're getting married?"

"As if," Mr. Raiyuki scoffed, "that useless son of mine doesn't know anything about compatibility! He was totally shocked when I told him he'd been dating _the _Midari Suzaku! How could anyone not notice their future wife is a freakin' millionaire?"

"Money is no object," his wife offered, "love is love…"

Bankotsu couldn't help but feel relieved at hearing this. "Well that's good."

"I suppose," Hiten's mother sighed rather loftily, "But it's a bit of a sad day for me. You know, it's not legal for this sort of thing to take place back in Japan. My Hiten can't come back home to us without forfeiting his marriage."

"I hadn't thought about that…" Bankotsu suddenly felt more respectful of Hiten. No wonder he was so nervous. This really was a huge step for him. Homosexuality in and of itself was difficult enough to cope with in any society, but now he would have to remain in America, in this state, just to ensure his marriage would remain legit…

"They all have to grow up someday." Mrs. Raiyuki offered, seeming genuinely pleased, "Oh and anyway do say hi to Souten when you see her! I'm sure you remember Hiten's little sister! She's going to be the flower girl!"

Bankotsu nodded, returning her grin as he stood and hurried back into the dressing room. Suddenly he could think of so many things he should have said to Hiten, but unfortunately the groom… was nowhere to be found.

* * *

Suzaku sat on an elaborately decorated Japanese bridge, dangling his feet above the koi lake. Almost half a mile separated him from the guests and the place where the ceremony was to be held and he was glad for that. His stomach was already knotting up. The nerves were starting to make him shake and the pollen-filled atmosphere was tickling his nose. Luckily, though, he'd remembered to take some antihistamines, so his allergies would be well under control.

"Hiten…" The many diamonds on his finger sparkled up, winking at him; reassuring. Normally he didn't care for jewelry, but he made sure to wear this one piece at all times. It reminded him of all of the sacrifices Hiten had made; the pain, sweat and tears. Today they were supposed to take the biggest step and make their love known, permanent and official. They'd already told the priest that he was to announce Suzaku's last name as 'Raiyuki' after the ceremony.

Today would be the end of Midari. The end of… everything he'd ever known.

Maybe Hiten realized that. Maybe he was just as glad to be rid of Suzaku Midari. The scars of childhood, the abuse and the trauma… Perhaps Hiten wanted it gone just as badly as Suzaku himself.

The redhead stood, staring down at his own reflection. Everyone had said he'd look just like his father once he grew up. Everyone had been wrong. He had a lovely, feminine face. 'Mother's face,' he realized. An almost perfect match. He even had mother's cute, girly lips.

Only Kujaku's lonesome green eyes remained…

"Goodbye Kujaku." Mama's pink lips whispered.

How dearly Suzaku wished he had said that while the man himself was still breathing. The blossoms were fluttering down around him. He supposed this kind of beauty should be stopping his own breath. Every now and then a little pink petal would fall into the water and disturb the stillness. Kujaku's eyes wavered, just as miserable and wet as ever…

"I did love you, Oto-San. I wish being your son could have been good enough. Wish I could have made you proud…"

Of course Kujaku said nothing in reply. He was dead, even though it was so hard to believe. Suzaku had purposely missed the funeral and dreamt to be reunited with him so many times. But today would mark the final time he looked back and regretted what should have been. Today Midari Kujaku would finally, truly rest in peace. If only he'd been brave enough to pay a visit to his real grave while in Japan…

"There you are!"

Suzaku startled, turning to greet his winded maid of honor. Jakotsu looked very relieved to have finally found him. He hurried over in his flowing white dress and caught Suzaku by the wrist. "Come on, you've gotta get dressed!"

"Sorry," Suzaku followed along, watching those amazing high heels. Someday maybe he too would be as brave and beautiful as the cross dressing Queen of his heart.

* * *

Raiyuki Hiten was very wet. Luckily it was warm outside or he would have been so much more miserable. "I can do this," he reminded himself yet again before dunking his face back into the fountain. He resurfaced, feeling much more refreshed as he shook off the water. His long black hair kept attempting to slide over his shoulders, but he held it back, trying not to ruin his suit.

He wrung his hands, thinking miserably that he really needed something to punch.

He hardly noticed when Bankotsu approached him from behind. "You okay?"  
Hiten tried not to sound too sarcastic when he turned to face his old friend. "Yeah."

"Doesn't look like it to me," Bankotsu offered, and in response Hiten walked right over to him and promptly rammed their tattoos together. Bankotsu stumbled backward, caught off guard, but Hiten caught him easily. "Now I feel _much _better."

"You're such an ass," Bankotsu grumbled. He regained his balance and shoved Hiten off, rubbing his forehead with those cute blue eyes wincing. "I came all the way out here to make sure you were okay and you go and pull that head-butting shit."

"Well I thought I might as well," Hiten admitted, "since after today I won't ever be able to act like that again…"

"What do you mean?"

"Well a football player would make a very crappy husband for someone like Suzaku," he explained, "so I figure I'll learn some yoga and feng shui instead."

"Wow… That's not like you at all."

"Pretty gay I know," Hiten chuckled, "but whatever. Might as well act like how I feel."

An awkward silence spread between them then, since Bankotsu didn't know what to say, or even if he should say anything. The two stood for a long while before Hiten finally decided to head on back to his own wedding. He offered an attempt at conversation along the way, wondering over the location of his queen. "So where's Jakotsu?"

"He and Naraku are helping your wife get dressed."

"What?" Hiten froze at that moment, only now realizing that he didn't even know what it was Suzaku planned to wear. Thanks to stupid American tradition, he was not to see the bride before the ceremony. "Please don't tell me they're gonna put him in a dress…"

"Well we _are_ talking about Jakotsu here…"

Hiten forced one foot in front of the other, trying to make the best of the situation. "Well at least my boss and the other guys can stay ignorant then, since Suzaku looks just like a girl anyway…"

"Guess so…"

Bankotsu led the way, thinking about how awkward it would be if the entirety of Hiten's fellow coworkers saw him making vows with his male 'bride.' He was trying not to, but wound up snorting with laughter anyway, earning himself a sharp slap to the back of his head. "I hate you." the grumpy groom scoffed.

"I love you too." He teased, dodging when Hiten made to catch him again. Bankotsu broke out into a run, laughing hysterically as Hiten gave chase. The two rams ran free, for the very last time along the gorgeous meadow, trampling the flowers. Neither the stamina or the affection had changed, even after so many years apart…

Unfortunately reality eventually came crashing down in the form of a very irate Tekkei, who promptly flipped her shit when she found her boss pinned down in the grass by his doppelganger. "The bachelor party is over, god damnit!" She raged, shoving Bankotsu off and yanking Hiten back to his feet. "If I have to brush your fucking hair one more time…"

She grumbled all the way to the dressing room and Hiten snickered all the while, not even pretending to be sorry. "Damnit Tekkei," he joked, "I almost came…"

* * *

"I am an honorable man of the cloth," Miroku explained, introducing himself to the pastor.  
"Tell me, is the wedding business booming here in America?"

"As ever," he replied, "and the divorce rates are quite impressive. I shall never be out of a job, since people are so terrified of commitment."

"Sounds promising," Miroku mused. "It's like a car. Supposed to last forever, but when it falls apart they have to come back and pay to get a new one."

"Precisely."

"Miroku get out of the way," Hiten growled from his place at the alter. "You're not supposed to be up here!"

"I am just as qualified as he," Miroku insisted.

"Listen monk: If you fuck up my ceremony I swear I will shove my foot so far up your ass you will be sucking my toes for the rest of your life!"

"Geeze…" He leaned away from the irate groom, who seemed to be becoming more annoyed with every passing second. But then again the rest of the congregation was growing a bit restless as well. The bride was a bit late, after all…

"So how does this American ceremony work?" Miroku wondered, trying to keep up the polite conversation, and luckily his professional friend was happy to explain. "Well the flower girl will lead the way, followed by the bride. The bride should be arm in arm with her father, who will then 'give' his daughter to her new husband. Of course there are exceptions. The fact that our bride will be Mr. Midari is one I'm highly trained to handle, so-"

'Blah, blah, blah.' Hiten was tuning out their conversation. He stood beside both his father and his best man, thinking the same words endlessly in his head. 'I can do this. I can do this…'  
He leaned back, feeling Bankotsu's comforting hand on his shoulder and met those confident blue eyes with a nod.

Finally their live music fluttered to life; piano and violin, announcing the long awaited arrival of the bride. Souten led the way first, tossing rose petals all around as she giggled and danced along to the familiar tune. "Hear comes the bride!" She laughed, waving excitedly to her big brother "Grats Nii-Chan!" The traditional tune played on and every head turned to the center aisle, each guest trying to be the very first to catch a glance at their bride.

"Wow…"  
"She's so beautiful."  
"Look at that dress."  
"Amazing…."  
"That must be her father."

"How sweet."

Hiten merely gaped in silence, hardly able to believe his eyes. Jakotsu's long, flowing dress was gathering all of the attention, but he only cared about the redhead attached to the queen's arm. Suzaku looked ready to cry. He finally reached the alter and those emerald eyes were so much more amazing than any silk, lace or whatever other stupid white dress. The **real **'bride' was wearing a sharp white suite with a strawberry pink tie, dressed just like the _husband _Hiten wanted.

The music stopped. Everything froze. Suzaku blushed so deeply that he almost matched the pink of his tie. The flower bouquet clasped in those cute little hands was also pink and white…

"You're…" Hiten could hardly speak. "Not wearing a dress?"

Suzaku looked surprised. "But Hiten, you said you like me better as a boy."

Jakotsu beamed, releasing his best friend as he moved to stand out of the way. Touched, radiant chocolate eyes burned into timid emerald. Neither man spoke, though the congregation was getting a bit restless and confused. 'My Su-Chan…' He meant to take Suzaku's hand for the vows, like they'd practiced during rehearsal, but instead Hiten just… snapped.

He practically tackled his gorgeous companion, wrapping his arms around that beautiful body and forcibly kissing those stunned pink lips.

"Hey, we didn't say kiss the bride yet!" Miroku fumed, "and he said _I _was gonna ruin the ceremony…"

"Oh my god, he kissed her father?"

"What's going on?"

"Should we like… stop them?"

"Pfft!" Kagome sniggered while the rest of the congregation whispered in their confusion. One of the older gentlemen actually fainted, which caused her to finally burst out laughing. "Hahaha!"

"Not funny." Tekkei murmured, looking like she too might faint. "That was Hiten's boss…"

"Ohhh snap!" Now Inuyasha was laughing too and Naraku heartily joined in. "This is priceless! Sesshoumaru you better be filming this!"

"Whatever," the grouchy, silver-haired man replied.

He zoomed in on their thoroughly distracted bride and groom just in time to catch Suzaku toss the bouquet carelessly behind himself. His cross dressing best friend immediately dove to catch it but just barely missed. Instead Jakotsu himself wound up being caught. His powerful Aisuru helped him back up onto those heels and grinned as he presenting him with that bright pink bouquet. "Football players don't make such bad husbands," He mused, "least we can catch."

Jakotsu suddenly understood why Hiten had 'snapped.' He kissed his beloved Aisuru and let those flowers fall right to the ground. Married or not, male or female. Society be damned. Love was love, and nothing would ever change that. Those four men knew the reason they were living. Brown eyes or blue, broken hearts or fluttering joy. Nothing else mattered. They were each right where they belonged, in each other's arms and could not, would not ever give that up. Not for all the world.


End file.
